Get It Right - Mishra - Harry Potter (2024)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

James Potter stepped unto platform nine and three quarters with a spring in his step. It was the first day of his sixth year at Hogwarts and he was certain that it would be a good one. He was looking forward to seeing all of his close friends again. He had only managed to see Sirius a couple of times during the holidays and he craved the dynamic of the full Marauder set. His parents appeared behind him and let the gaze roam over the platform. Richard and Victoria Potter were both in their seventies and prominent figures in the wizarding world.

‘Well, here we are,’ said Richard in his deep voice. ‘And we are even fifteen minutes early for once.’

‘I wonder whether Sirius is already here,’ said Victoria. ‘He is such a nice boy, I hope he is well. He will probably be happy to return to Hogwarts. After all it can get a bit stuffy in his family home.’

James rolled his eyes. He had never understand why exactly his mother liked Sirius so much, but his mutt of a best friend had his mother wrapped around his finger.

‘Speak of the devil,’ muttered Richard as he had just spotted the Sirius together with his family. ‘We should avoid them if possible, I am not in the mood to clash my wits with these people.’

‘Be nice Richard,’ chided his wife. ‘It is important to remain civil, you have said it yourself.’

‘Yes, and I will be very polite, but only if I have to,’ said his father, before addressing James. ‘Can you make it on the train yourself? Then I have a chance to escape the Blacks.’

‘Sure,’ said James. ‘No problem.’

‘Good boy,’ said his father and squeezed his shoulders. ‘Remember what I told you over the holidays. You are almost a man now and have to act appropriately. You are the heir to the Potter family after all. So, I expect you to behave yourself.’

‘Alright,’ said James. He had made promises like this at the beginning of each school year, but this time he was actually serious. The events of the summer had added a new grimness into his reality. It did not seem right to walk around pranking people when the world outside was slowly slipping into civil war. Also, he still remembered the telling off Lily Evans gave him back in June. She had told him what a vile person he was and after some reflection during the summer, he had to admit that she had a point. He had not always behaved properly in the last years at Hogwarts. Both these experience had motivated him to stay out of trouble as much as possible during the year.

‘Very well then,’ said his father and pulled him into a hug. ‘Stay safe and remember what I taught you over the holidays. The world is not safe anymore. And wear the ring. Be proud of your heritage.’

James hugged him back before moving on to his mother. She hugged him tightly and kissed his check.

‘Stay save Jamie,’ she said. James rolled his eyes. He hated that nickname. ‘And watch out for Sirius. He is even better at getting into trouble than you are.’

James had to agree with her. His best mate was bold and often ignored the consequences of his behaviour. When unchecked Sirius and he could amp each other up until they did something very stupid. Fortunately, they usually had Remus to keep them in line. James bade goodbye to his parents and stepped onto the train. He had seen Sirius slip into one of the most forward compartments and made his way there. When he was halfway there, a compartment door opened and a girl stepped out without looking properly. James promptly ran into her, but managed to prevent both himself and her from falling.

‘Are you alright?’ he asked her.

‘Yeah, I am so sorry,’ she said swiping her long blonde curly hair out of her eyes so she could see properly. James took a good look at here. She was a bit older than him and almost as tall as he was. She had a pretty face, with large blue eyes, high cheekbones and plump lips. Her body was trim and firm like an athlete. Did she play Quidditch? He could not remember ever having played against her. ‘Thanks for catching the two of us,’ she continued.

‘No problem,’ said James.

‘You are James Potter, are you not?’ she asked, eying him closely.

‘Yeah I am,’ said James feeling defensive somehow. ‘And you are?’

‘Amber Marchbanks,’ she said. ‘I am a seventh year Ravenclaw. Well, I have to get going. I will see you around, James.’

She wandered off with her long blonde hair swaying behind her. James stared after her for a moment, before snapping out of his daze and continuing his way to the compartment.

When he arrived, his three best friends were already all present. Remus looked well. His family had spent the last two weeks in Brighton and some sun had help him get rid of his usually too pale skin. Peter was a bit chubbier than James remembered. Maybe his mother had fattened him up again. Sirius looked as he always did: handsome and slightly haughty, even though a smile was currently playing on his face.

‘Hey,’ said James and flopped down into a free seat after having stored his trunk.

‘Prongs!’ cried Sirius. ‘It is marvellous to see you mate. I need some help to convince these two killjoys. I have this great prank idea...’

‘Which obviously is completely stupid,’ said Remus. ‘Hi James, did you enjoy your summer?’

‘It was too quiet for my taste,’ said James. ‘Too little action leaves too much time to think.’

‘Indeed?’ said Remus, raising an eyebrow. ‘And what have you thought about exactly?’

‘How he is getting into Evan’s knickers, of course,’ said Sirius. ‘Is this the year Prongs? Are you going to get here this time?’

‘Not really,’ said James. ‘I am done with Lily Evans.’

‘Like hell you are,’ snorted Sirius. ‘You are way too stubborn to give up now.’

‘Are you serious Prongs?’ asked Peter. ‘And don’t say it Sirius.’

Sirius had just opened his mouth, probably to make another stupid serious-Sirius-joke, but Peter’s comment ruined the moment for him and he just closed his mouth instead.

‘Yes, I am,’ said James. ‘I kept thinking about the trouble at the lake at the end of last year. I cannot deny it any more. Lily hates me. There is no point in chasing her at this point.’

‘And it took you this long to figure that out?’ asked Sirius. ‘Merlin, you are dense. I have told you hundred times that she hates you and that you are wasting your time with here. Well, at least you are wiser now. That is big news. James Potter is back in business! If the two of us work together mate, we can drop the panties of any girl in minutes, mark my words.’

‘Yes, I am sure you two will kill it out there,’ said Remus, rolling his eyes. ‘I think you are doing the right thing here, James. Lily and you have never gotten along and you chasing her has made the whole relationship even more awkward. Backing off and having some fun with other girls is a good idea. It will help heal the wounds.’

‘Yeah, I know,’ said James. ‘It feels weird, but I have to do it. But I am not exactly great with girls, so I have no idea if I will find a girlfriend.’

‘Not great with girls?’ asked Peter incredibly. ‘James, you have shagged Emily Towler and she is gorgeous.’

‘That doesn’t count,’ said James. Emily had been one of his fellow chasers in the Gryffindor Quidditch team. She was two years older than him and had finished Hogwarts last year. ‘It did not even do much, she started the whole thing. And she was on the rebound because her boyfriend had dumped her.’

‘Well don’t worry about this mate,’ said Sirius. ‘Fortunately, you have me to give you advice in picking up girls. After all, everybody knows that I am Hogwarts’s greatest ladies man.’

‘Oh yeah,’ said Remus dryly. ‘I remember you trying to get into Hestia Jones’s pants last Halloween. She slapped you so hard you nearly fell. James will do great with your help, I am sure.’

‘Oh please Remus,’ said Sirius. ‘Hestia was just in bad mood that day. Anyway, who will be your next target James? Now that you are done chasing Evans, you can pick any witch in Hogwarts.’

‘I dunno,’ said James. However, a brief image of the girl he encountered in the corridor flashed through her mind. She seemed... interesting and was also very pretty. ‘But I think I will stay away from Gryffindor girls for a while. The drama hits too close to home. It is not worth it.’

‘That’s probably a good idea,’ said Remus with a small grin. ‘It will certainly make my life easier.’

‘How so?’ asked Peter. ‘Usually it was just Prongs acting like an idiot around Lily. How does this affect you?’

‘She tended to glare at me whenever James or Sirius pulled a prank, apparently expecting me to stop them. Also, she more than once complained to me about Prongs’s way to ask her out. If all of this stops now, I will be much happier.’

‘There is no way we are stopping our pranks,’ said Sirius sounding horrified. ‘We are the Marauders after all.’

‘Actually, that is something I wanted to talk about,’ said James. ‘Have you been reading the papers? Have you noticed what’s going on?’

‘Yeah,’ said Sirius grimly. ‘Bloody lunatic called Voldemort running around murdering people. My bloody parents are over the moon.’

‘What?’ asked Peter. ‘Whatever for?’

‘They think he has the right ideas’ said Sirius disgustedly. ‘They think the wizarding world is too nice to Muggle-born and Muggles. They want back to the days when the pure-blood families reigned supreme and everybody else was serving them. And they want to ban Muggle-borns from attending Hogwarts and from having kids with pure-bloods. Voldemort is a saviour to them.’

‘That’s sick,’ said Remus.

‘Yeah, I know,’ said Sirius. ‘But Regulus eats it all up. He is stupid enough to get tangled in the conflict and join the bad side.’

‘I am sure he won’t,’ said James reassuringly. He often forgot how bad Sirius’s parents were. He wondered how his best mate could bare it. ‘In each case, this conflict is getting worse. Two family friends were murdered over the summer.’

‘Who?’ asked Sirius.

‘Richard and Margaret Bones,’ said James. ‘They were old friends of my parents. I last saw them when I got back from school in June. They were attacked by Death Eaters and killed in their house.’

‘sh*t, James,’ said Sirius. ‘I am so sorry.’

‘Don’t be,’ said James. ‘I am okay. I did not know them that well.’

‘But this is very close to home,’ said Remus. ‘I think, I remember these names. They were pure-bloods, were they not?’

‘Yeah,’ said James. ‘They tried to change the legislation so that Muggle-borns get more support after school. Many of them can’t get proper jobs in the Ministry as they lack the necessary connections. I guess the Death Eaters did not like it.’

‘That’s scary,’ said Peter. ‘I thought they did not target pure-bloods.’

‘They do if they consider you a blood traitor,’ said Sirius. ‘James and I are way worse in their eyes than half-bloods like Remus and you. James, are your parents save? Everybody knows that they oppose this pure-blood mania.’

‘As safe as anybody is these days,’ said James. ‘My father has reinforced the protection around our manor and has gotten us emergency portkeys. I think we will be okay. He also taught me some duelling techniques over the summer, because he says I have to be able to defend myself.’

‘Indeed?’ asked Sirius intrigued. ‘You have to show us what you have learned Prongs. Your father knows his stuff, this could be very interesting.’

‘I will mate, don’t worry,’ said James. ‘Anyway, my father also used the opportunity to give me a lecture about how I have to behave myself. He reminded me that I am heir to an old and noble family and that I have to act like one. He said that in these dangerous times we have to be very careful and have to think about consequences of our actions before taking them. The same old rubbish he told me hundreds of times already.’

‘I do not get it,’ said Remus. ‘I mean I get why he wants you to behave. You are high society after all and I wager that it is an embarrassment for him if you spent half of your time in school in detention, but why does he bring it up now?’

‘Because he wants to keep a low profile,’ says Sirius gruffly. ‘The Potters are known for their sympathy for Muggles, but they are still a very rich and respected family. This means that Voldemort may be interested in recruiting them.’

‘Are you serious?’ asked Peter, before realizing what kind of pun he had enabled. ‘Wait, don’t answer that. I mean everybody knows that Prongs would never join You-Know-Who. They would be foolish to try to recruit them.’

‘Sirius is right,’ says James. ‘Even if they only see a slight chance, they will try to recruit me or my family. They have a lot to gain and very little to lose by trying it. I am sure they know about my behaviour at Hogwarts. Father wants to confuse them by being hard to figure out. His reasoning is that they will not hurt us as long as they view us as possible allies. Therefore he wants me to play the proper heir to the Potter family. Most of Voldemort’s supporters are probably old stuck up pure-bloods. They will be more willing to consider recruiting my family if they see me as a well behaved wizard who does not spent his time pranking the Slytherins.’

‘Being hard to figure out is a good idea,’ said Sirius. ‘And you are probably right. Most pure-bloods expect from their children to be snobby, cold, stuck up fools. You do not fit any of these categories and have been hexing more than a few good pure-bloods in the last year. So, for this move to be a bit more credible, you have to change your behaviour. You are not going to do it though, are you?’

‘Yes, I am,’ said James. ‘Well, not all the way of course. I am not going to become some wanker, who cares about blood purity. But I am going to lay low on the pranks.’

‘WHAT!’ shouted Sirius. ‘Come on mate, you can’t be serious!’

‘Think about this Sirius,’ said James. ‘We have spent a lot of hours of our life in detention in the last few years. It was fun in the beginning, but I am quite done with scrubbing cauldrons. My father has been telling me to better my behaviour for years now and I have always ignored him. But now, things have changed. I find it hard to care about pranks if good people get murdered in their beds. My family could be next. I just can’t disobey my father in this point, just to terrorize a few Slytherins.’

‘I think this a very good idea,’ said Remus. ‘You have a certain responsibilities towards your family and you should not let them down.’

‘Of course this does not mean that we cannot do any pranks anymore,’ said James while grinning slightly. ‘It just means that I must not get caught. As long as I can credibly deny my involvement, it does not tarnish my reputation. And it means we cut down on the time spent in detention.’

‘But taking credit for it is half the fun,’ protested Sirius.

‘Well, you can take the fall for the pranks then Padfoot,’ said James. ‘I need to be the good boy this year.’

‘Alright then,’ grumbled Sirius. ‘At least this is for a proper reason and not to impress a stuck up girl like Evans.’

‘I still can’t believe you are doing this,’ said Peter. ‘Why do participate in this strange mind games?’

‘This is the way it is, Wormtail’ said James. ‘The pure-blood elite spends most of each day in a power struggles with each other. We constantly try to best our foes and keep our friends close. Most of it is pointless manoeuvring about petty advantages which nobody out of our close circle even notices, but over a longer time it determines the state of your family. Why do you think over eighty percent of all Minsters for Magic have been pure-bloods even if only five percent of the Wizarding population is pure-blood? It is all about getting the lion’s share of the power and the wealth. It is the price we pay for our privilege. You are a half-blood and your mum is not part of the elite. Therefore, you do not see what is going on the very top.’

‘James is right,’ agreed Sirius. ‘Why do you think James and I always get into trouble at school? It is the only place, where we can be young for a change. While we are with our parents, we always have to keep the family’s reputation in mind.’

‘You care about your family’s reputation?’ asked Remus with a raised eyebrow. ‘I can image James behaving in certain situations, but you got drunk during a family party and hexed the pies so that they flew into everybody’s faces.’

‘Well, I never said I cared about it,’ said Sirius grinning. ‘I just said that I kept it in mind, just to know how I can damage it best.’

James laughed.

‘Listen mate, you know that you will always have a place in my family if things get tough, right?’ he said to Sirius. ‘I know your parents can be a bit difficult.’

Sirius snorted, but smiled gratefully at James.

‘It’s interesting how the life of an elite pure-blood differs from the one of a normal wizard,’ mused Remus. ‘I mean my father is from a respected, but poor pure-blood family and he never told me about all this.’

‘He married a Muggle-born witch,’ said James. ‘That is an express ticket out of the elite.’

‘Unless you are very rich,’ added Sirius. ‘Some hard core purists may sneer at you, but as long as you have enough money, they will still suck up to you.’

‘Well, my family was never rich,’ said Remus. ‘I never realized that marrying a Muggle-born is such a big deal.’

‘It is not just marrying a Muggle-born,’ said James. ‘Half-bloods are frowned upon too. Most purists will try to marrying only other pure-bloods. They want to preserve their blood purity. Of course this does not work as there are way too few pure-bloods around. Nevertheless, almost all pure-bloods are related to each other. Sirius and I, for example, are related, albeit distantly.’

‘Yes,’ said Sirius. ‘And my family does not oppose a little incest to keep the blood line pure. Moony and Wormtail are lucky in a way. Their families never had a high status which they could fret about. They are free Prongs, much more than we are.’

‘Oh sure,’ said Peter, rolling his eyes. ‘It must be horrible to have a ton of money and connections. You two will never have to work in your life if you have to and can get almost any witch just because of your status. Remus and I are not so lucky.’

‘You are right of course, Pete,’ said James. ‘I am just saying that it comes with advantages and disadvantages.’

‘What does?’ said a voice from the door. The four Marauder’s looked around and saw Marlene McKinnon standing in the doorway. Marlene was a small girl with wavy brown hair, a curvy figure and blue eyes. She and James had been friends since they had been small kids as their parents were friends. James noticed that she was much more tanned than usual.

‘Mar,’ said James, standing up and hugging her. ‘You are looking good. Did you have fun in Spain?’

‘Oh yes,’ she said. ‘It was great. Wizarding Spain is very different from Britain. People are more relaxed. Probably because of the weather. Father was very busy setting up this business deals, but my mother, Henry and I had a great time. We even visited some Muggle landmarks.’

‘Sounds like fun,’ said Sirius. ‘I have wanted to visit Spain for some time. I have heard that the Spanish birds are spectacular.’

‘Of course that is what you care about in a vacation,’ said Marlene, rolling her eyes. ‘But enough chit-chat. What were you talking about, when I showed up? Something about upsides and downsides?’

‘We were talking about the upsides and downsides of being a pure-blood,’ said James.

‘Yeah, Sirius and James were wallowing in self-pity over their hard lives,’ said Peter, rolling his eyes.

‘Hard lives?’ said Marlene raising an eyebrow. ‘Have your parents finally arranged a marriage for you, James? I thought they had reconsidered years ago.’

‘Of course they haven’t,’ said James.

‘What do you mean reconsidered?’ asked Remus. ‘Was it ever an option?’

‘Oh, yes,’ said Marlene grinning. ‘At one point James’s and my parents even plotted marrying us to each other. Fortunately, they changed their mind. Imagine being stuck with this oaf for life.’

‘Hey!’ protested James. ‘You would do just fine with me, thank you very much. I could do a lot better than your useless prat of boyfriend.’

Marlene had been going out for more than six months with Charlie Davies who played chaser on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team.

‘You just do not like Charlie, because he almost as good as chaser as you,’ said Marlene.

‘Almost as good?’ said James incredulously. ‘I am a much better chaser and everybody knows it! I have wiped the floor with him in every Quidditch match we played against Ravenclaw.’

‘But he still holds the record for the highest amount of goals scored,’ said Sirius. ‘Remember the one in fourth year against Hufflepuff? He demolished them.’

‘Yes, because it was a bloody three hour match,’ grumbled James. ‘Everybody can score a ton of goals if the seekers do not do their jobs.’

‘You are so cute when you get defensive like this,’ said Marlene and ruffled his hair. ‘I am sure that one day you will score just as many goals as Charlie.’

James threw her a nasty look, but did not say anything.

‘James is right, though,’ said Sirius. ‘Davies is a bloody wanker. A pretty bird like you can do much better.’

‘Like whom?’ asked Marlene. ‘And has anyone ever told you that calling a girl a pretty bird is not the way to her heart?’

‘Like me,’ said Sirius. ‘And I am only stating the obvious dearie.’

‘Bugger off,’ said Marlene. ‘I am not interested in becoming your flavour of the week. Besides, Charlie is a much nicer person than you are.’

‘Well, I never,’ said Sirius in mock indignation. ‘This is slander! Slander, I say. I have had relationships which lasted more than week, thank you very much.’

‘Yeah, two,’ said Remus. ‘And you were done with most girls you shagged after a single night.’

‘There are girls you shag and girls you date, Remus,’ said Sirius. ‘Surely, you know the difference.’

‘Ugh, disgusting,’ said Marlene. ‘You are a pig, Sirius, I hope you know that. Well, I have to move on. The rest of the ladies are waiting for me. I will see you at Hogwarts’.

She stood up and made her way over to the compartment door.

‘Oy, Marlene,’ said Sirius. ‘A little bit of truth is no reason to get you knickers in a twist.’

‘Well, you don’t have to worry about this,’ replied Marlene sweetly. ‘I am not wearing any.’

With these words she slipped through the door and slammed it shut. Sirius stared after her with his mouth open.

‘Close your mouth Padfoot, before something flies in,’ said Remus with a smile.

‘Do you really think she is not wearing any knickers?’ said Sirius, in a slightly dazed void. ‘No knickers under a skirt. Bloody hell, that’s hot.’

‘Will you stop lusting after her?’ said James annoyed. ‘It’s gross.’

‘You are only saying that because you have known her for too long,’ said Sirius. ‘You may have trouble seeing it Prongs, but she is very fit. Damn, I have to shag here if I ever get the chance.’

‘I think we should change the subject,’ said Remus hurriedly, after seeing James’s murderous look. ‘Who do you think is going to teach Defence against the Dark Arts this year?’

‘Hopefully, someone good,’ said Peter. ‘Last year was horrible. All we did was read the textbook. We need some practical training.’

James was thankful for the change of subject. It had taken him some time to accept that Marlene was dating boys and had probably shagged some of them in the past. However, accepting it did not mean that he liked it. Therefore, he did not appreciate Sirius lusting after her. Sirius was his best mate, but his interested in witches quickly waned after he had shagged them. Normally, James did not care about this, but he did not like the thought of Sirius using his best female friend. He hoped that the two of them would never hit it off. He would be forced to beat Sirius to a pulp if he hurt Marlene. For a moment, he pondered asking Sirius to stay away from Marlene, but he quickly reconsidered. It was pointless. Asking Sirius not to do something usually only caused him to do this exact thing. Also, Sirius would be ribbing him mercilessly if he knew how much the thought of him shagging Marlene bothered James. No, he would simply wait and only beat up his best mate if it became necessary.

‘We should start some kind of duelling club,’ said Sirius. ‘This would make defence fun again. Imagine getting good marks because you spectacularly hexed Snivellus! It would be heavenly.’

‘I doubt this will ever happen,’ said Remus. ‘Nevertheless, how about a round of Exploding Snap? We have a lot of time to kill before the reach Hogwarts.’

All agreed and soon they were lost in the game.

Hours later, the Hogwarts Express rolled into Hogsmeade station. James and the other Marauders had changed into their robes in the meantime and left the train together with the rest of the students. While the first years were packed into boats to sail over the lake, they made their way over to the horseless carriages which would bring them up to the castle. Suddenly, James spotted a glimpse of red hair he had been subconsciously looking for during the whole trip: Lily Evans. She was standing a few metres in front of them together with her friends Alice Macmillan, Mary Macdonald and Marlene McKinnon.

The last time he had seen Lily was at the end of last year. She had only glared at him before hurrying away, but even in this short time he had seen how puffy her eyes had been. It had only been a day after the incident at the lake, so her bad mood had not been surprising. The look on her face had haunted him all summer. She seemed much happier now. She was chatting it up with her three friends as if nothing had ever happened and fortunately Snape was nowhere to be seen. James hoped that the two of them finally were done. It would make his life much easier if he would not have to worry about Lily’s reaction as well if he got in a duel with the greasy git. He wondered whether she still blamed him for the death of hers and Snape’s friendship. Should he apologize for this behaviour back in June? It seemed so long ago, would it be appropriate for him to apologize now? Would it only open old wounds? Would she even take him seriously? Probably not. She had him pegged as a trickster and a horrible person. If he just approached her now and apologized she would probably take it as some kind of practical joke and would only get angry with him. Also, he was with his three mates and while Remus and Peter would be harmless, Sirius was sure to ruin the situation by making some crude comment. No, he would have to do this at some other time, preferably after she had warmed up to him a little bit. But he was already falling into his old patterns by obsessing about bloody Lily Evans. He had made the decision to move on, hadn’t he? He would never think about a stupid apology this much if it was any other girl. No, he needed to be cool and detached. He had to treat her as any other girl. It should be easy. After all, it was only the opposite of his behaviour of the last two years.

Well, no time like the present to break his old habits.

‘Enjoying the view, James?’ whispered Remus in his ear, smirking knowingly. James glared at him and chose not to comment. Sometimes Remus was too observant for his own good. In the meantime Sirius had also spotted the ladies and had made his way over to him. James had a bad feeling about this. It was very rarely a good idea to let Sirius initiate a conversation.

‘Ladies,’ Sirius said as he had reached them. ‘Did you have a nice summer? Oh, and McKinnon, you are a naughty girl. Your parting comment has occupied my mind for the whole train ride.’

‘Only, because you have a one track mind, Black,’ replied Marlene, while the rest of the girls looked at them quizzically. James managed to supress his groan. This was starting terribly. He was not ready for another conversation about Marlene’s knickers or her lack of them.

‘What are you talking about?’ asked Mary. She was a tall girl with a long mane of black hair and blue eyes.

‘If it has occupied Blacks thoughts for this long, it is probably some filthy rubbish,’ quipped Lily. Her eyes were narrowed at Sirius and became even colder when she saw the rest of them approaching. ‘Oh great, here comes the rest of the miscreants.’

‘Hello to you too, Evans,’ said James after he had closed the distance. It probably was a good idea to take control of the conversation before Sirius managed to make this conversation even more awkward. ‘I hope you have all enjoyed the holidays. It know Marlene did, but Mary and Alice look well rested too.’

‘I was in southern France with my family,’ said Alice. She was petite, with should length dirty blonde hair and brown eyes. James liked her. Alice had always been polite to him, even when Lily had been mad at him. She was a romantic and believed that James and Lily would make a great couple. That made her more than alright in James’s book. ‘It was very relaxing and I got to practice my French.’

‘Was Frank with you?’ asked Remus.

Frank Longbottom was their dorm mate and Alice’s long term boyfriend.

‘Sadly not,’ said Alice. ‘He was in Germany with his family. Also, his mother said it would not be proper for an unmarried couple to travel together.’

She rolled her eyes at Frank’s mother’s old fashioned manners.

‘Well, she has always been a bit stuffy,’ said James. ‘But you two get along?’

‘Oh yes,’ said Alice. ‘Mrs. Longbottom is very happy that Frank is dating what she calls a proper girl.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ asked Lily. ‘She hardly knows you.’

‘It is code for rich pure-blood,’ explained Sirius. ‘She does not want Frank to date someone of lower status.’

‘Wonderful,’ said Lily bitterly. ‘More people who care more about a person’s blood than their behaviour.’

For some reason James bristled at the comment. He knew Augusta Longbottom. She was not a bigot. She had supported the Bones’s efforts to help Muggle-borns. She merely wanted to keep the family’s high status. Finding the right partner war extremely important in pure-blood circles and the higher one climbed the harder it got to find a good match. The Longbottoms were quite well of and highly respected, but not a wealthy as the Potter’s or the Black’s. The McMillians were a bit worse of, but had a good reputation and a pristine bloodline. It was not a great match for Frank, but it would do.

‘She wants to keep the family status,’ said James. ‘This means marrying another wealthy pure-blood. Status and wealth is important in the pure-blooded elite.’

‘Yeah, that’s all these people care about,’ replied Lily bitterly. ‘Never mind that Muggles are getting slaughtered by Death Eaters right now. We have to make sure that our son marry a nice rich pure-blood girl.’

That did it. James was really angry now. Was this about Mrs. Longbottom or was she also accusing him of not carrying about Muggles enough?

‘Evans, you don’t know anything about pure-blood society,’ he said coldly. ‘You should not accuse all pure-bloods just because some of them are murderers. You are only alienating your allies.’

Before Lily could reply, it was their turn to enter a carriage. She entered one with her friends and threw him a nasty look before slamming the door shut. James sighed. He had not even entered the castle yet and he was already arguing with Lily. He should not think about it too much. After all, he had decided to give her up, hadn’t he?

‘Well, that was a charming conversation,’ said Sirius, chuckling. ‘I can see why you have been carrying a torch for Evans for so long, Prongs. She really has a sweet personality.’

‘Shut it, Padfoot,’ growled James. ‘And I have told you, that’s over. I am going to get it right this year and move on with my life.’

‘I really hope you do,’ said Sirius lightly. James was unsure whether or not he was being mocked. ‘Ah, here is our ride.’

A carriage pulled up before them and the four friends settled inside. As James moved to close the door, he glanced to the crowd of waiting students behind them. He spotted Amber Marchbanks a few rows behind them. She did look very pretty in the light of the setting sun. Maybe he should get to know her better. Another girl would hopefully take his mind of Lily. James closed the door feeling a bit better. Maybe this year would not be so bad after all.

Chapter 2

Chapter Text

James stepped under the warm spray of the shower and rested the back of head against the wall. He was exhausted. He was a month in his sixth year at Hogwarts and had just faced his first test as new Quidditch Captain. It was a Saturday and he had spent the whole day with Quidditch try outs to complete his team. They had needed a new chaser as well as a new beater. Sadly, Gryffindor house was not filled with superb players at the moment. Still, Quidditch was very popular and a lot of Gryffindors had seized the opportunity to be part of the Quidditch team. It had taken James hours to weed out all of the incompetent players so he could concentrate on the promising ones. In the end, he had both found his new chaser and his new beater: Amy Smith, a fourth year girl, and Eric Jackson, a stocky third year boy. Both were not great, but it would have to do. If they trained well enough, they would still be a force to be reckoned with. After all, both Sirius and him played on the Quidditch team and they were actually good players.

Sirius entered the showers in the moment and chose the stall opposite of James.

‘Well, that was a bloody nightmare,’ he growled as he stepped into the water. ‘I am not too happy with Smith, but Jackson seems to be a good beater. I think I can work with him. He is still young though, so he needs a lot of training.’

James made a dismissive sound. He really was not in the mood to discuss the Quidditch team at the moment. It just was too much for one day.

Sirius just chuckled as his lack of a reply.

‘Right, I forgot that you are a grumpy git when you are showering,’ he said amused. ‘However, I am in talkative mood, so you will just have to suck it up. Did you notice that group of Ravenclaws watching the try outs? One of them was bloody fit. The blonde bird with the mass of curls. I don’t remember her name. I don’t mind them spying on us if they bring birds like this.’

James furrowed his brows, thinking about Sirius’s comment. He had not noticed any Ravenclaws in the stands, but he had been busy organizing the event, while Sirius had had more time to enjoy himself. The only Ravenclaw girl with blonde curls he knew was Amber Marchbanks. Had she been watching the try outs?

‘Do you mean Amber Marchbanks?’ he asked Sirius.

‘Marchbanks, right. That’s the name,’ said Sirius happily. ‘I am telling you mate, she is fit. As far as I knew she is also single. Maybe I should try my luck with her.’

James had run into Amber on multiple times during the last few weeks. She had smiled at him and they had shared a few light conversations, but he did not really know her. However, combined with the fact that she had showed up for the try outs an idea started to form in his head. Was she interested in him? Of course, it could just be a coincidence that he kept meeting her, but his gut told him that this was not the case. Maybe he should ask Amber out. He did not fancy her, but he had to admit that she was very good looking. Also, she seemed to have a rather pleasant and laid back personality. She would be fun to be around, which was quite a contrast to Evans.

‘Back off her, Padfoot,’ he said to Sirius.

‘And why should I do that?’ asked Sirius. James could hear the smirk in his voice. He still had his eyes closed, but he could imagine the intrigued look on his best mate’s face. ‘What do you care about Marchbanks?’

‘I am planning to ask her out myself,’ said James calmly. ‘I think she likes me.’

‘Indeed?’ asked Sirius. ‘And why do you think so?’

James briefly told him about his past encounters with Amber.

‘Well, this sounds very promising,’ said Sirius. ‘Whenever a bird goes out of her way to be with you, she is a safe bet. This is great news, Prongs! Finally you are paying attention to another bird than Evans and she is even fit.’

‘Can we please not talk about Evans?’ said James, annoyed. ‘I am trying to get her out of my life, remember?’

‘Yeah, yeah,’ said Sirius dismissively. ‘I have noticed the lack of shouting matches between the two of you. She still is a stick in a mud, but things are getting better.’

‘I think she suspects some kind of elaborate prank,’ said James darkly. ‘She thinks that I have been asking her out just to annoy her, remember? Now she probably thinks that I am trying to confuse her, before coming up with a new way to show my undying love. Completely messed up.’

‘You should not think about whatever she is thinking,’ said Sirius. ‘What birds think is almost never important. Also, you wanted to move on, remember? So, just focus on shagging Marchbanks and everything will be fine.’

James made a sceptical noise in his throat. He highly doubted that it would be so easy.

‘Well, I am off,’ said Sirius. ‘You should get a move on. Dinner will start soon.’

Sirius left the shower stalls. James heard him rummage around in the locker room before leaving. He was glad to be alone. He needed some time to think and Sirius tended to distract him. Lily Evans was still running around in his brain. His changed behaviour had had little impact on their relationship. They had less contact now as he was avoiding her as much as possible. So far she did not seem to miss him. He had toyed with the thought of asking Marlene whether Evans had noticed his altered behaviour, but had decided against it. He loved her as a sister, but Marlene had a big mouth and he absolutely did not want Lily to know that he was thinking about her. The only conversations Lily and he had had all term were caused by her suspicion of the Marauders. She had approached them on multiple occasions while there studying in the common room and had asked to see what they were working on. She had suspected it to be some prank, but they had only reviewed Peter’s potion essay. She probably was more suspicious than usual, because the Marauders had not pulled a single prank in this school year. Still, it galled James that she expected the worst of them. It felt like being convicted without any proof or a trial. However, he had to admit that his past behaviour indicated a certain level of suspicion. His reputation as a prankster had been useful in the past, but at the moment James felt weighed down by it. This was partly the reason why he had objected to every suggested prank this year. The other part was the promise to his father. He had even refrained from hexing Snape, even though the boy had been asking for it at more than one occasion. Instead, he had treated him with ignorance and disdain, fitting to his role as a stuck up pure-blood. Fortunately, he had enough experience with this kind of wizard to play the role convincingly. To his surprise, it had been rather easy. Maybe he was more similar to other more snobbish pure-bloods than he thought. James pushed the uncomfortable thought aside. He had other thinks to worry about. Despite his reluctance to actually pull a prank, he was missing the excitement. The monthly strolls with Remus helped, but he was itching for some good old-fashioned Marauder prank. Maybe something rather harmless. James decided to talk it through with the others. They would have to be careful not be caught, but otherwise it sounded like a good idea. Just because he was playing the role of a responsible pure-blood heir, did not mean that he could not have any fun.

James turned off the shower after scrubbing himself clean and got dressed. He was hungry and was longingly thinking of dinner. He would worry about his Quidditch team, the pranks, Lily Evans and Amber tomorrow. Today he would only eat a sizable dinner and then go to bed. Tomorrow was Sunday and he would have time to do his homework then. He grabbed his broom and exited the locker rooms. It was a clear night and already rather cold. The stars were shining down brightly, illuminating the stretches of grass leading to Hogwarts. James paused for a moment and looked up to the sky while fumbling in his pocket for a cigarette. Just as he had found the package a voice sounded to his left.

‘James?’

James jumped, startled, his right hand reaching for his wand, dropping the cigarette in the process. He wheeled around and came face to face with Amber Marchbanks.

‘Sorry, I did not mean to startle you,’ she said sheepishly.

‘It’s okay,’ said James, relaxing slightly. His heart was still beating very fast, but he put is wand back into his pocket. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I just wanted to tell you that I am impressed with your team,’ she said, smiling slightly. ‘Ravenclaw will have to get a move on to beat you.’

‘Indeed?’ said James. He knew that this was not the reason she had stuck around for close to an hour after the try outs had ended. She could have just told him at another point in time. After all, this was hardly critical information. James knew what was going on here. He was not as good with witches as Sirius was, but he could read the signs. Amber was not here to talk about Quidditch, she was here because she was interested in him. That confirmed his suspicions about her. His ego swelled a bit. After getting shut down by Evans again and again getting desired by a fit bird felt very, very good. Maybe Amber was exactly the girl he needed to get over his infatuation with the red-headed prefect.

‘Well, thank you. We will see how well the new performs in the first match. We will need some time to get used to each other and to work out the best way to play. Say, do you play Quidditch? As far as I can remember, we have never played against each other?’

‘I am reserve seeker for the Ravenclaw team,’ said Amber. She look both proud and disappointed with the fact.

‘Ah,’ said James. The current Ravenclaw seeker, Gerard Oliver, was a very good player and had held the position for four years now. Amber probably was not good enough to take the spot for herself. ‘Is Oliver hogging the position?’

‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Oliver is a great player and he had played every Quidditch match in the last four years. I don’t think that I will get a chance this year.’

‘That’s a bummer,’ said James. He could not imagine being a reserve player for such a long time. He would never be able to stand it. Fortunately, he was the best chaser in the school, so this could never happen to him. ‘Maybe you should try a different position. Chaser for example.’

‘Maybe I will,’ she said. ‘Our try outs are next week, so there still is time. I have never played chaser before, though. It is quite different to playing seeker.’

‘Not different, better,’ said James, smirking slightly. He bent down and picked up his fallen cigarette. ‘Do you want a fa*g?’

‘No thanks,’ said Amber. ‘I am trying to quit.’

‘Yeah, me too,’ said James, putting the cigarette into his mouth and sucking slightly on it. It ignited immediately. James usually preferred Muggle cigarettes, but magical ones like this did not require a lighter. He took a drag and exhaled the blue smoke into the night. ‘It is not going too well, though.’

‘I see,’ said Amber, smiling at him. ‘I never thought that you smoked. You have a reputation as a Quidditch fanatic. Smoking lowers your endurance, you know.’

‘I picked it up from my best mate and now I am hooked,’ said James. ‘Fortunately, I only smoke one or two fa*gs per day. This way, I still have more than enough endurance. In Quidditch and in other activities.’

‘You don’t say?’ she said coyly. ‘Well, maybe you should show these other activities to me if you ever have the chance.’

James smiled. This was going brilliantly. She was definitely interested in him. He just had to close the deal.

‘Amber,’ he said, looking into her blue eyes. ‘There’s Hogsmeade weekend coming up in two weeks. Would you like to go with me?’

‘Yes,’ she said smiling widely. ‘I would like that very much. But don’t you are dragging me into that blasted tea shop. I am not that kind of girl.’

‘I figured as much,’ said James, chuckling. ‘But I still do not know what kind of girl you are.’

‘Wouldn’t you like to know?’ she asked. ‘Well, I suppose you will find out during the date. Or maybe at some point afterwards.’

‘I suppose I will,’ said James grinning. This was almost too easy. ‘Let’s head to dinner. It’s getting cold and I am hungry.’

‘Sure,’ said Amber and they started walking towards the castle. ‘This is your first year as Quidditch captain, is it not?’

‘Yeah,’ said James. ‘Our old captain graduated last year. Apparently, she told McGonagall to pick me, before leaving the school. Still, I was unsure whether they would give the position to me. After all, my record is not exactly clean. Fortunately, McGonagall has a soft spot for me and likes the Quidditch trophies in her office. Sirius was actually disappointed that he did not get the position himself.’

‘Black wanted to become captain?’ asked Amber. ‘I never would have expected that. Why would someone like him want extra responsibility? From what I know he is only interested in playing pranks and chasing skirts.’

‘And Quidditch,’ added James smiling. ‘I think it wounded his ego that I got captain even though I am a trouble maker like him. I do not think he really wants the position. He barely pays attention to our Quidditch training. How is he supposed to organize the bloody things?’

‘Do you like being captain so far?’

‘Well, it is a bit early to tell. It is a lot of work, but I really like the idea of properly forming the team following my ideas. I think we can be spectacular. But you should ask me again after the first match. Losing as captain will certainly sting more.’

‘Well, there is an obvious solution for this,’ said Amber. ‘Don’t lose’

James laughed quietly.

‘Yeah, that would work,’ he said. He was done with his cigarette, so he threw it to the ground and vanished it. ‘But enough talking about me. Tell me something about yourself. You are a pure-blood, right? I think your parents work at the Ministry.’

‘Oh yes,’ said Amber. James saw a flicker of something in her eyes. Was it sadness? But why would she be sad about her parents? It made no sense unless something horrible had happened to them. James hoped that he did not upset her with his question. Fortunately, Amber did not seem upset. The strange look on her face was gone in a heartbeat and she was smiling slightly as well.

‘My parents both work in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. I think that’s how they know your father. My father became an auror when your father still was leading the department.’

‘Ah,’ said James. Of course. A lot of people knew his father from his days in the department. He had been retired for more than ten years by now, but still his name carried a lot of weight in the Ministry. ‘Yeah, that’s possibly it. Is your father doing field duty? It is a very dangerous time to be an auror, isn’t it?’

‘Oh no,’ said Amber looking horrified at the thought. ‘No, he is leading the sub department dealing with fraud. He fortunately is not involved in the struggle against this maniac.’

‘I hope they catch him soon,’ said James. ‘This is getting out of hand. My father is quite worried himself. He said that Voldemort might be bigger than Grindlewald.’

Amber shuddered as he said the name.

‘Let’s talk about something else,’ she said. ‘All this talk about dark wizards freaks me out.’

James cursed himself for making her uncomfortable. He was trying to get to know her, not trying to scare her.

‘All right,’ he said lightly. ‘Which team do you think is going to win the national Quidditch championship this year?’

‘Puddlemore United, of course,’ she said with bright eyes. ‘They have Roberts and Jones, the two best chasers in the league.’

‘Roberts and Jones are brilliant,’ agreed James. ‘Still, I think the Appleby Arrows have a shot as well. Milliband is a great seeker and they have a fabulous keeper as well.’

‘Please, the arrows will never make it,’ she said good-naturedly. ‘They have the skills, but they don’t have the nerves. The lost against the cannons last weekend. No proper team loses against them.’

‘They simply were unlucky,’ said James. ‘Half of their chasers were injured and Milliband’s broom got damaged by a Bludger he did not spot. On any other day, the arrows would destroy the cannons.’

‘Well, we will see, but I am willing to bet that it will be Puddlemore,’ said Amber.

‘Has no one ever told you that it is dangerous to wager with a Marauder?’ said James, smiling.

‘Oh, yes,’ she said. ‘But people tell a lot of rubbish about the four of you. Not everything of it can be true.’

‘You would be surprised,’ said James mysteriously. She was right of course. People believed the most ridiculous things about them. It was truly ironic that no one in school suspected them to be illegal animagie which tried to tame a werewolf once a month. Sometimes the truth was racier than any rumour.

In the meantime they had reached the castle and entered the great hall. Amber bid him goodbye and walked to the Ravenclaw table. James walked over to his friends and sat down beside Sirius. Marlene and the other sixth year Gryffindor girls sat next to them. This was odd. Normally the girls kept their distance, probably due to Evan’s great dislike of the Marauders. Tonight however, she did not seem to mind as she calmly set with her friends not even glaring at Sirius. James was late. The rest of friends were already hungrily tugging into desert. He saw Sirius demolish a handful of chocolate éclairs as he helped himself to some steak and vegetables.

‘What kept you?’ asked Remus. ‘Sirius was here ages ago.’

‘Long shower,’ said James, not willing to discuss Amber with the girls so close.

‘Yeah,’ said Sirius after swallowing down the last éclair. ‘That and Marchbanks lusting after you.’

James glared at him and kicked him under the table. Sirius just grinning, obviously enjoying embarrassing his best mate.

‘Marchbanks?’ asked Peter. ‘Amber Marchbanks, the seventh year Ravenclaw? What did she want?’

‘James, I imagine,’ said Sirius dryly and James kicked him again.

‘Shut it, will you?’ hissed James, but it was too late now.

‘Well, this seems like good new,’ said Remus. ‘She is very pretty.’

‘What did she say exactly?’ asked Marlene with a grin on her face. James stifled a groan. Marlene had always enjoyed taking the mickey out of his love life. This was going to be a field day for her.

‘Never you mind,’ said James. ‘What happened to our deal? I do not meddle in your love affairs and you ignore mine.’

‘I don’t plan to meddle, I just want to find out what’s going on,’ she said. ‘And you have meddled in my love life countless time, so suck it up and spill.’

‘Alright, alright,’ said James. ‘We talked, alright? She came to take a look at the Quidditch try outs and cornered me after I left the locker rooms. I realized that she was interested and asked her on a date. That’s all, so you lot can bugger off now.’

‘How did you know she was interested?’ asked Peter. ‘She could merely have watched the try outs to spy on our team.’

‘A girl does not wait for a boy for close to an hour without wanting to shag him,’ said Sirius, rolling his eyes. ‘Well, James, this went better than I expected. Congratulations. Marchbanks seems to be easy. It will not take long for you to get into her knickers.’

‘She is not easy,’ said Mary. ‘If I remember correctly, she had a steady boyfriend for the last 3 years. I think his names was Markus Knight. He graduated last year and I heard that they had broken up.’

‘Oh, she is on the rebound then,’ said Sirius gleefully. ‘That’s even better. Birds on the rebound are easy to shag and they usually break up with you a few weeks in anyway, so you don’t have to do it yourself. You hit the jackpot here, James. And she is quite fit. I would not mind giving her a try myself.’

‘You are disgusting, Black,’ said Lily. ‘No self-respecting woman will ever touch you.’

‘Fortunately, all a small percentage of birds have self-respect,’ replied Sirius with a wide grin. ‘And I am not interested in them. They are too hard to shag.’

‘Sweet Merlin,’ said Marlene. ‘Lily is right, you are a bell end.’

‘I am only telling the truth,’ said Sirius. ‘As I have said before: There are birds you shag and birds you date. I am not interested in dating, so I’m only interested in slags. If you want a relationship, you will have to find another bloke.’

‘Well, at least you are honest,’ said Lily. ‘But I still think your and Potter’s behaviour is despicable.’

‘Excuse me?’ asked James incredulously. ‘I did not say anything. What despicable think have I done today?’

‘You and Black are one of a kind,’ said Lily, rolling her eyes. ‘And you are leading Amber along. You use her broken heart to get into her knickers, even though you are not interested in her.’

‘What makes you so sure it is me who is using anybody?’ asked James. He was hurt at Lily’s accusation, but he refrained from getting into a proper argument with her. After all, they were in the great hall and he had no desire to discuss his relationship with Amber with the whole school. ‘Amber showed interests in me and I simply responded. Maybe Sirius is right and she is merely using me as a rebound.’

‘And you would love that, wouldn’t you?’ said Lily sharply. She looked furious and James had no idea why. He had anticipated her to be overjoyed at the thought of him having a girlfriend. After all, he would no longer bother her if he was busy with another girl. Apparently, he had been wrong. Bitterness welled up in him. Of course, he would always be the villain in her eyes. He wondered briefly why he had wasted so much time with a girl who obviously loathed him. ‘Easy sex and no obligations, just as you like it.’

‘I was not aware that you knew about my preferences in bed,’ he said coolly. ‘Believe about my intentions whatever you want, I am taking Amber out to a date. Maybe a relationship will grow out of it, maybe just a couple of shags and maybe nothing. We will see. Pass the salt, Peter.’

Fortunately, Evans refrained from continuing their argument. She only threw him one more contemptuous look and struck up a conversation with Marlene. James dug into his steak while the conversation carried on around them. The spat between Lily and him had told everybody that James budding relationship with Amber was a closed topic. Unfortunately, Sirius used the opportunity to move to another painful subject.

‘So, Mckinnon,’ he said. ‘Have you considered my offer? It is about time you realized that your boyfriend is a bloody git and moved on to a proper bloke.’

James kicked Sirius again, but his best mate ignored him. The bloody git knew that James did not approve of his advances and still was trying to rile out Marlene. He ought to punch him in the face.

‘Still not interested, Black,’ replied Marlene. ‘Why the sudden interest? Have you run out of slags to shag and are finally giving proper girls a try?’

‘My dear, I will never run out slags,’ said Sirius with a smirk on his face. ‘After all, I am Sirius Black and every girl is a slag for me.’

‘You are an arse Black,’ said Mary. ‘You are lucky you are handsome and popular. Otherwise, no girl would every fall for you.’

‘I will considered myself lucky then,’ said Sirius. ‘Well, Mckinnon, if you ever change your mind, all you have to do is ask.’

‘Great,’ said Marlene sarcastically. ‘Lily, what is going on with Luke and you?’

James interest peaked at the unfamiliar name. Who were they talking about and what was the bloke doing with Evans?

‘Oh,’ said Lily and blushed slightly. James had always considered her especially pretty when she was blushing. Today he pushed the thought aside. He was still angry with her. ‘We exchanged letters during the summer and he asked to be his date for Hogsmeade yesterday.’

‘What did you say?’ asked Alice.

‘I said yes,’ said Lily and for a moment she looked directly at James, probably trying to gauge his reaction. James arranged his face into an impassive mask and stared right back. He was not going to show his real emotions to Evans. A sinking feeling had taken over his body, but it hurt less then he would have expected. Maybe he was slowly getting over Evans. He hoped so. It was about time. Still, he found it interesting that Evans seemed to care about his reaction. He was not sure what it meant, though.

‘He is cute and we have always gotten along, so why not give it try?’ she continued.

‘Which Luke are we talking about?’ asked Remus. ‘Luke Palmer, the Ravenclaw prefect?’

‘Naturally,’ said Marlene. ‘There is no other Luke in our year.’

‘Luke Palmer?’ said Sirius, scoffing. ‘That wanker? Really Evans I knew that your taste in boys is questionable, but that is a new low even for you.’

‘I am glad, you don’t like him,’ said Lily. ‘Otherwise I would have to reconsider my choice. And he is not a wanker.’

‘Oh please, he gave me a week of detention after catching my snogging some witch after hours at the end of last year,’ said Sirius. ‘How is that fair? He only punished me that harshly, because he is jealous. Also, he has stupid hair.’

‘Black, do you happened to remember, who you were snogging in that cupboard?’ asked Mary with a smile on her face.

‘No, why?’

‘It was Sarah Blair, his ex-girlfriend’, said Mary, rolling her eyes at Sirius’s bad memory. ‘They had broken up only a week before. Of course he was pissed than he caught her snogging a miscreant like you.’

‘Right,’ said Sirius. ‘Yeah, I remember now. Well, it is not my fault that Blair decided she would prefer a proper man. That’s no reason to abuse one’s prefect privilege. Palmer was out of line, I am telling you.’

‘As if you would not abuse your power, if you were a prefect,’ said Lily scornfully. ‘You would use your powers to get yourself and your band of mates out of trouble.’

‘Of course I would,’ said Sirius. ‘I would be quite a wanker if I would not help my friends.’

James smiled as he took another bite of steak. Sirius could be an annoying git sometimes, but it was always amusing to watch him piss off Evans. James tried to recall what Luke Palmer looked like, but no clear image formed in his head. He could not remember ever having met the prefect, even though he had been caught out of bounds by nearly every prefect in the castle.

‘Shove off, Black,’ said Lily. ‘We are trying to have a private conversation here.’

‘If you want privacy, you should not talk about this in the great hall,’ Sirius pointed out. The girls ignored him.

‘Anyway, I am glad you are going out with Luke,’ said Alice. ‘I am not sure whether he really is your type, but time will tell, I suppose.’

‘What do you mean?’ asked Lily. ‘Luke and I have a lot in common.’

‘Yeah, I know,’ said Alice. ‘He is studious and responsible and very polite, but maybe you need someone with a different personality. Someone more fun-loving. You study all the time Lily, you should remember to have fun.’

James felt a smile slip on his face. Bless Alice. She had realized two years ago that Lily and he would make a great couple and she has been dropping more or less subtle hints to Lily since then. He was not sure whether Lily understood what Alice was trying to tell her, because so far she had never ever considered her friend’s advice, but James was grateful nevertheless.

‘I think, I will have lots of fun with Luke, don’t worry,’ said Lily. ‘Where is Frank? He was here only a few moments ago?’

‘He went to the Hufflepuff table to chat with Simon,’ said Alice and pointed at the other table. James saw their dorm mate chat animatedly with his childhood friend Simon Roberts. It was not uncommon for Frank to spend time with the Hufflepuffs.

James lost interest in the girl’s conversation and struck up a conversation with the Marauders.

‘What are our plans for tomorrow night?’ he asked them after causing a quick ‘Muffilato’ to prevent eavesdropping. Contrary to Sirius’s advice to the girls, the great hall was actually a decent place to have a private conversation as long as you took certain precautions. ‘It is our special date.’

‘Same procedure as every month,’ said Sirius. ‘I am looking forward to it. The year has been bleeding boring so far. Being in mortal danger shakes up the monotony, don’t you think so?’

‘This is not a joke,’ said Remus. ‘You could die or get bitten.’

‘We know Remus,’ said James. He knew that Remus worried a lot about what could happen during their full moon strolls. If something happened to one of them his friend would never forgive himself. They owed it to Remus to be careful. ‘We will be careful. Everything will be fine. By now the wolf is not as wild as it used to be.’

He could tell by the guarded look on Remus’s face that he was not really convinced. Still, his friend managed a small smile and nodded.

‘Well, where do we want do go?’ asked Sirius. ‘We have seen most of the forest by now.’

‘I don’t care as long as we avoid the acromantulas,’ said Peter shuddering. ‘We were way too close last time.’

‘I agree,’ said James. He had never liked spiders and the acromantulas were vicious beasts. When they had stumbled into their nests they had been hard pressed to escape alive. He was fine with never seeing one again in his life. ‘We should also try to avoid the centaurs. They can tell that we are not real animals and they don’t like intruders.’

‘How about we take a look at the mountains?’ asked Sirius. ‘We have never been there before.’

‘Sure,’ said James. ‘We have to be careful though. I am not sure how well I can manage heights as a stag.’

‘We are not going to climb to the top James,’ said Peter. ‘I think if we poke around the foothills, we will be fine. They should be deserted during the night as well. I think it is a good idea.’

‘It is settled then,’ said Sirius. ‘The mountains it its. We should really toast this fine decision gentlemen.’

Sirius raised his goblet of pumpkin juice and motioned to them. James rolled his eyes at his best mate’s antics, but brought up his goblet as well. Peter and Remus joined in and the four goblet bumped against each other in mid-air. As he drank James felt happiness rise in him. The next full moon would be great! His eyes strayed to Evans and the other girls. They were not paying any attention to the marauders. In this moment he found it hard to care about her boyfriend. Especially because he caught Amber looking at him just a moment later. James grinned to himself. Life was good.

Chapter 3

Chapter Text

James took a deep drag of his cigarette and laid down in the soft grass. Remus looked down at him from his position on a moss covered rock to his right and was opening a bottle of Firewhiskey. It was Friday evening and tomorrow would be the first Hogsmeade weekend of the term. They had snuck out of the castle onto the ground to enjoy the warm weather and had sat down under their favourite elm tree.

‘Where are Padfoot and Wormtail?’ he asked Remus. ‘They were supposed to be here ten minutes ago.’

‘They are in detention,’ said Remus who had finally pried open the bottle. ‘Sirius picked a fight with Avery shortly before dinner and Peter was dragged into it. McGonagall caught them. They have detention for week starting tonight.’

‘Right,’ said James. ‘Padfoot just can’t resist the chance to hex some Slytherins. Well, I guess it’s only you and me then.’

‘That’s not too bad,’ said Remus, taking a deep swig of the bottle. ‘Sirius can get a bit overenthusiastic whenever he drinks and I just want to relax.’

‘Yeah, me too,’ said James. ‘I am still sore from Quidditch yesterday and I need to clear my head for tomorrow. Pass the bottle, will you?’

‘Looking forward to your date with Amber?’ asked Remus and passed to bottle to James. James took a swig before answering.

‘Yeah, even though I am a bit surprised. In the beginning this felt like some desperate idea to get over Evans, but now I think this could be something real. I mean, I do not know her very well, but she seems to be fun to be around. She just seems to fit me if you know what I mean.’

‘I think I do,’ said Remus. ‘I don’t know her, but I have asked around a bit. From what I have heard she is quite popular and quite a good Quidditch player even though she just plays reserve. Also, she is a pure-blood.’

‘I don’t give a bleeding f*ck about that,’ said James darkly.

‘I know you don’t,’ said Remus. ‘I simply meant that the two of you will probably have a lot in common.’

‘Not all pure-bloods are the same, you know,’ said James, though he had to admit that Remus had a point. Amber came from a well-respected and quite rich pure-blood family similar to James’s. She would probably understand him better than a muggle-born witch. Still, James did not like to be reduced to his blood-line. ‘I have very little in common with gits like Avery.’

‘Fortunately,’ said Remus dryly. ‘Hand me the bottle. Still, I feel that this is a good move. You should try to make it work James. You have been fixated on Evans for too long.’

‘Don’t I know it,’ said James and passed the bottle back to Remus. ‘She seems to be even more miffed with me than usual. I can’t figure out why. I have barely talked to her all term.’

‘She is probably still sore about the incident at the lake,’ said Remus. ‘As far as I know she is no longer friends with Snape. Maybe she blames you for it. It would be understandable, but foolish. Nobody calls his best friend a mudblood just because they are angry with someone else.’

‘It is good that she is done with this greasy git,’ said James. The mere thought of Snape caused his blood to boil. ‘It would be fitting that she took her anger about Snape out on me. Sweet Merlin, why couldn’t I have fallen for a different girl? She seizes every excuse just to hate me.’

‘She just needs some time, James,’ said Remus. ‘She is obviously quite hurt about Snape’s betrayal. Maybe it is just easier for her to hate you for the loss of Snape’s friendship than to accept the bitter truth: After all, he chose the dark arts over her.’

‘That’s probably it,’ said James. ‘But that does not mean that it is fair. She should be angry with Snape, not with me. After all, I have been very well behaved this term. We are almost three months in and I have yet to receive a single detention. She should be happy, but instead she is even more suspicious than usual. I am so done with her, Moony.’

‘I understand, James,’ said Remus. ‘You need some time away from Evans and she probably needs some time away from you. Therefore, it is a good thing that you are taking Amber out to a date. She will help take your mind off the toxic relationship you and Lily have at the moment. Where are you taking her, anyway?’

‘Well, she told me not to bring her into the bleeding tea shop,’ said James with a smile.

‘That definitely a plus,’ said Remus, smiling as well. ‘They serve great hot chocolate in there, though. You should try it sometimes.’

‘And how would you know that?’ asked James, raising an eyebrow. ‘You never take someone to Hogsmeade and I doubt that you just strolled into this shop on your own.’

‘Just because I don’t take a different girl during every date like Sirius, does not mean that I have never had a date in Hogmeade,’ said Remus. ‘I went there last year with Sasha Collins, remember?’

James racked his brain for a moment.

‘Collins? The black haired Hufflepuff a year our junior?’

‘That’s the one.’

‘Right, I remember you and her, but it only lasted a month or so. What happened between the two of you anyway? She seemed like a nice girl.’

‘She is,’ said Remus. A strange look passed over his face before it became expressionless again. ‘I ended it, because she was getting too close.’

‘Too close to what exactly?’ asked James.

‘Finding out that I am a werewolf of course,’ said Remus.

‘Oh,’ said James. ‘Listen, I know that you have to protect your secret, but you should not refrain from ever falling in love, just because you are afraid of her finding out. You are only punishing yourself.’

‘We have talked about this before, James,’ said Remus, trying to close the subject.

‘I know we have,’ said James. He sat up from the grass and grabbed the bottle again. He took another deep swallow before continuing. ‘And I get it. Well, as much as I can. I am not telling you that you have to share your secret with every girl you snog, but one day you are going to find someone special. Someone who will accept you for who you are.’

‘Have you not been listening to Sirius?’ asked Remus. ‘There are no special girls. They are all the same.’

‘Maybe, maybe not,’ said James. ‘You will never find out unless you give it a try.’

‘Would you play a game of Quidditch if you knew that you were going to lose?’ asked Remus. ‘I am cursed, James. Every girl I date is either going to find out the truth and will break up with me afterwards or will become fed up with all the lies I have to tell her. There is no way I can actually have proper relationship in this circ*mstances.’

‘You don’t know that she will break up with you,’ pointed James out. ‘We did not abandon you when we found out.’

‘You three are different,’ said Remus simply.

‘And thank Merlin we are,’ said James. ‘Alright, I get it. Just think about it, will you? Your situation is not as grim as think.’

James sat back down on the grass and something clinked in his pocket during the process. Confused he reached into his pocket and searched it for the cause of the noise. His fingers closed around something hard and cold and he pulled out a ring. It was a small band of rose gold with small jet black letters graved into it. James recognized it immediately. He had forgotten that he had placed it in this pair of pants.

‘Is that the ring?’ asked Remus interestedly.

‘Yeah,’ said James. ‘That’s the blasted ring. The ring of the heir to the Potter family. My father wears the proper one, the one marking the leader of the house. It contains the seal of our family. Mine is only a promise of things to come.’

‘I have never understood why you hate the ring so much,’ said Remus. ‘You are part of a rich, well respected family full of decent people. You should be proud to be part of your family.’

‘I am,’ said James, turning the ring over and over in his hands. ‘I know that I am extremely lucky. That it is a privilege to be born a Potter and that I should be happy about it. I get it. But I don’t want to be seen just as the heir to the Potter fortune. There are all these expectations of how I should be and how I should behave and it is driving me crazy. Sometimes I envy Muggle-borns. They are blank slates in the wizarding world and how they are seen only is determined by their own action and not their family. Am I making sense here?’

‘Yeah, I understand,’ said Remus. ‘You have to understand James that nobody can really control how society sees him. The Muggle-borns have to struggle with prejudice even if they prove themselves on a daily basis. I have to deal with being a werewolf and you have to deal with being the heir to a rich pure-blood family. I think your situation is not that bad.’

‘Yeah, you are right,’ said James. He felt ashamed for bugging Remus with his small problems. After all, his friend was not even considered human by most of the wizarding world. ‘I am being a prat about this.’

He slipped the ring on his left ring finger and watched it glimmer in the artificial moon light. The gold was colder than he had expected.

‘I am surprised that it fits you,’ said Remus. ‘You have very slender fingers.’

‘It is enchanted,’ said James. ‘It will adapt its size if necessary. The ring is very old, three hundred years at least. There is a ton of protective magic on it. Otherwise it would look much worse.’

‘What is written on it?’

‘The Potter family motto,’ said James. ‘Family, Loyalty, Honour.’

‘Quite the statement,’ said Remus.

‘Indeed,’ said James. He took another mouthful of whiskey. He felt the buzz now and he probably should take it easy if he wanted to be well-rested tomorrow. However, the conversation with Remus was much more serious than he had expected and he hoped that some alcohol would make it lighter. ‘What do you think about our lack of pranks?’

‘I think it is a nice change,’ said Remus. ‘Pulling them was fun, but spending all the time in detention was not. Also, some of our pranks were really immature and mean.’

‘Hm...,’ said James. ‘I suppose you are right, even though most of our victims deserved it. Still, not being in detention all the times makes a nice change. I hated having to skip breakfast to finish a due essay, just because I spent every evening of the week in detention. However, life is a bit boring without sneaking around, isn’t it?’

‘Yeah, I suppose it is,’ said Remus snatching back the bottle and taking another gulp. ‘Padfoot is getting restless. I think he is going to do something stupid soon.’

‘That isn’t good,’ said James. ‘Whenever Padfoot gets bored and pulls some prank on his own, mayhem ensues. Do you remember the bouncing ball incident in fourth year? It took McGonagall a bloody week to get rid of the things.’

‘We should pull some harmless prank then,’ said Remus. ‘It will keep Sirius in line and if we plan it together we can prevent it from going completely over the top.’

‘Sounds like a plan,’ said James. ‘And we should try not getting caught. I have to keep my record clean, remember?’

‘It still feels weird that you are worrying about getting caught,’ said Remus, smiling. ‘You never cared about detention before, you even liked the attention.’

‘Times change,’ said James. ‘Also, the whole Marauder thing is getting old. I think it limits us in a way.’

‘What do you mean?’ asked Remus, interestedly. ‘You wanted to be the greatest prankster in Hogwarts’s history since you stepped of the train during first year.’

‘Yeah, and I succeeded,’ said James. ‘Not that it was really hard, mind you. Most of the past students were not really creative. Anyway, I have succeed, but it came at a cost. I am not talking about the detention or the trouble with my parents. I am talking about our reputation, Remus. People see us as this group of jesters, performing for our mutual amusem*nt. Everybody likes a jester, but very few people take him seriously. I feel that Evans has a point in distrusting us so much. After all, we have spent the last five years presenting us as pranksters without a care in the world. We even call ourselves the bleeding Marauders!’

‘Is this about Lily?’ asked Remus. ‘You should not try to change who you are just to appeal to her.’

‘No, this is not about Evans,’ said James. ‘Not really. I just don’t want to be reduced to a label. I am more than just a pure-blood, more than a simple prankster, more than a talented Quidditch player. These are parts of me, but they are not me.’

‘Ah, so you struggle with your identity,’ said Remus sagely. ‘Well, I guess this is what being a teenage boy is all about.’

‘Oh, shut it,’ said James with a smile. ‘You are as confused as the rest of us.’

‘Maybe, maybe not,’ said Remus airily. He grabbed the bottle again and drank the rest of Firewhiskey. ‘We are all out of whiskey. Should we get something from our stash?’

‘No,’ said James. ‘I should not be hung over tomorrow. I need to be charming.’

‘You will blow her away,’ said Remus dryly. He fumbled in his pocket and extracted a small bundle. ‘Should I roll a spliff?’

‘You know I don’t smoke weed, when I drink,’ said James. ‘It makes me throw up, remember?’

‘Right,’ said Remus, but he opened the bundle and rolled a small spliff anyway. ‘Well, you will just have to watch me get high then.’

‘I still think it’s weird that you smoke weed,’ said James. ‘When Sirius first got a hold of this stuff back in fifth year, you went berserk.’

‘I changed my mind,’ said Remus. He stuffed the spliff in his mouth and lit it with his wand. ‘I am not ashamed to admit that I like it.’

‘We had to smoke it secretly for two months,’ said James.

‘Yes, I then I tried it and changed my mind.’

‘You only changed your mind because you were drunk and Sirius managed to convince you that it was a normal cigarette.’

‘Details, details,’ said Remus, blowing out some smoke. James did not particularly care for the taste of burning weed. He much preferred regular cigarette smoke. ‘So, I am not as straight laced as one might think. You are a pure-blood and listen to muggle heavy metal. Now that is something you don’t see every day.’

‘Right,’ said James. ‘I guess we are all more than one might think.’

‘Amen to that,’ said Remus and took another drag on his spliff.

Silence settled around him and James finally was able to relax.

* * * * *

Next morning, after breakfast, James was waiting for Amber just out of the great hall. It was a windy, overcast and cold day. James was not really in the mood to make the trek to Hogsmeade in this weather. If he were on his own, he would take one of the passages leading to the village rather than the direct route, but as he was on a date, he did not have that option. Granted, it may even impress Amber, but he did not like to share Marauder secrets with other people. He waved to Sirius, who was already leaving for Hogsmeade accompanied by some girl James did not know. It amused him that Sirius had no trouble finding a date even though it was well known in school that his idea of a date was getting drunk on Firewhiskey and making out in a dark corner. Well, at least she knew what she was getting into. James checked his watch. Amber was five minutes late. He rolled his eyes. He had very little patience for playing waiting games. If she did not show up during the next five minutes he would go into Hogsmeade on his own and would join Remus and Peter. Fortunately, she arrived merely a minute later. She was looking very pretty today, even though her figure was barely visible under the thick coat she was wearing.

‘Sorry, I am late,’ she said breathlessly as she arrived. ‘Sophie was hogging the bath room.’

James dismissed it, even though he was quite sure that this was not the reason for her tardiness. They got out of the castle and started their journey to Hogsmeade making light conversation about the most recent results of the English Quidditch league. Talking to her felt surprisingly good. James’s past few dates had been quite awkward whenever an actual conversation was involved. It was a nice change. When they had arrived in the village, the topic had shifted to their house quidditch teams.

Amber had took James advice to heart and had tried out as a chaser on her Quidditch team. To her great surprise, she had gotten the spot and was now playing Quidditch as a regular player for the first time of her life. She was very excited about this and James could not help grinning at the enthusiasm. She was still gushing about how brilliant it was going to be when they arrived in Hogsmeade.

‘Where do you want go first?’ asked James.

‘Honeydukes,’ she answered straight away. ‘I need to refill my stock of marzipan. Honeydukes is one of the few placed in Britain where I can get high quality marzipan.’

‘Marzipan?’ asked James, raising an eyebrow. Isn’t that usually used to cover fruitcakes?’

‘Yes, but I can be eaten as a regular sweet too,’ she explained. ‘My father used to travel to Germany a lot and he always brought back copious amounts of marzipan. I have gotten hooked years ago and now I need my fix. Have you ever tried it?’

‘I don’t think I have,’ said James. ‘It’s made of almonds and sugar, is it not? I am not too fond of sweet stuff.’

‘Yes, but it is not that sweet,’ said Amber. ‘I think you will like it. You can try some of mine.’

‘Alright,’ said James. ‘Lead the way. Maybe I will pick up some chocolate for myself.’

‘But you just said that you don’t like sweets,’ said Amber. ‘Why are you getting chocolate if you don’t like it?’

‘I like dark chocolate,’ clarified James. ‘You know, the one with at least seventy percent of cocoa. The regular one is too sweet for my taste.’

‘Hm...,’ said Amber thinking for a moment. ‘I have never met a teenage boy without a sweet tooth. All other boys I know will demolish a pile of sweets within minutes.’

‘I am not like most boys.’

‘I figured as much,’ she replied, smiling slightly.

They arrived at Honeydukes a few minutes later. The shop was packed with Hogwarts students. James waved at Marlene who was eyes the sugar quills with interest. He wondered whether Remus and Peter had already been here today. Both were very fond of sweets of all kind. The stockpile in their dormitory had grown rather small over the last weeks.

They would have to refill it soon if they wanted to keep up their level of consumption. It did not help that Sirius tended to steal stuff from the pile without ever replacing it. Remus and Peter had complained about this countless times, but Sirius had just ignored him. James had stayed out of this argument. He knew that Sirius was wrong, but he did not care enough about the sweets to argue with his best mate. Sirius was as stubborn as a mule and convincing him to change his behaviour was very difficult. Therefore, one had to pick his battles wisely so that one does not waste all his energy.

‘I am going to grab that marzipan,’ said Amber. ‘Do you want to buy something as well?’

Yeah,’ said James. ‘Grab me a bar of the eighty percent one, will you? It is called Black Velvet.’

‘Alright,’ she said. ‘See you in a bit.’

She took her place in queue and left James to himself for a moment. He took the opportunity to carefully look at her body. She really was very good looking. Her slender body looked tight in all the right places even though her ridiculous coat blurred most details. Her breasts were rather small but James expected them to be quite perky. Sirius was very fond of large breasts, but James had never seen much appeal in truly big breasts. He cared more about a nice firm arse and a cute face anyway. Fortunately, Amber had both these things. James scanned the crowd of students in the Honeydukes and spotted Snape standing in the right hand side line. It was weird to see him doing something as mundane and ordinary as buying sweets. James had seen him as a dark wizard in training for so long that he half expected him to turn into a bat any moment. He could not picture Snape eating chocolate frogs like a normal person. He eyed Snape suspiciously for a few more moments, but the Slytherin seemed not have a hidden agenda at the moment. James wondered where the rest of his clique were. Avery and Mulciber were quite nasty people and James did not like the thought of them running around Hogsmeade on their own.

Granted, it was highly unlikely that they would cause too much trouble, but James would still be more comfortable if these two gits were back in school. Or preferably, in a faraway country.

Amber re-joined him only a few minutes later with a plastic bag bulging with sweets. She fished his bar out of the bag and gave it to him. James stashed it in the pocket of his coat.

‘Is that all marzipan?’ he asked, surprised at the huge amount she had bought.

‘Most is,’ she said. ‘It needs to last for a few months and there is a lot of different variants to choose from. I am very bad at picking what to buy so I simply buy one of each.’

‘Sounds like a good idea,’ said James chuckling. ‘If you are all done, we should get moving. It is far too crowded here.’

‘Alright,’ she said. ‘Where do you want go?’

‘I need to buy new Quidditch gloves,’ said James. ‘Let’s stop there and then have a butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks.’

‘Actually, I would rather prefer grabbing a drink somewhere else,’ she said.

‘Oh?’ said James raising an eyebrow. ‘Madame Puddifoots then?’

‘No way!’ she protested and James burst out laughing.

‘I was only joking,’ he said. ‘I know that you hate the place.’

‘You are a git,’ she scolded him lightly.

‘Why don’t you want to go to the Three Broomsticks?’ asked James, curiously.

‘It is packed with other Hogwarts students so we are bound to run into somebody we know,’ said Amber. ‘I rather prefer some privacy.’

‘Okay,’ said James who considered this titbit of information very interesting. He was fairly certain that she was not trying to avoid his friends. Something was going on here. ‘Have you ever been to the Hog’s Head?’

‘No,’ said Amber. ‘It does not look very welcoming and it has quite a nasty reputation. Why?’

‘Because it is a great place to have a private conversation,’ said James. ‘Almost no other Hogwarts students and very few other visitors. Let’s go there for a drink.’

‘You have been there before?’ she asked, surprised.

‘There is no place in Hogsmeade where I haven’t been,’ said James co*ckily.

Amber rolled her eyes at him, but smiled.

‘Okay, the Hog’s head it is then,’ she said. ‘I hope it is not as bad as I expect it to be.’

‘Would a gentlemen like me drag you into a shady tavern?’ asked James, grinning toothily.

Amber snorted.

‘You are many things, but not a gentleman,’ she said. ‘You and your friends call yourself the Marauders. So, yes, that’s exactly what I expect you to do. And to try to get me drunk on Firewhiskey.’

‘Guilty as charged,’ said James. ‘Let’s go.’

* * * * *

Half an hour later, they were sitting at one of the cleaner tables in the Hog’s Head. The tavern was empty except for them and the grumpy barkeeper whose name James did not know. He had gotten his new gloves at the Quidditch store and the package containing them now rested on the centre of the table. James had just returned from the bar and had gotten two butterbeers for them.

‘Here you go,’ he said, handing one bottle to Amber. She eyed it suspiciously as a copious amount of dust covered the bottle.

‘He does not seem to sell butterbeer very often,’ she said. ‘Are these still good to drink?’

‘I think so, I checked the label,’ said James. He opened his bottle and took a swig. ‘Tastes normal, it should be safe.’

‘Well, here goes,’ said Amber, taking a swig herself. ‘I still can’t believe that you have gotten the Troll Grip gloves. Everybody knows that they are overpriced and don’t really work.’

‘They are the best gloves for me out there,’ said James slightly defensively. Amber had chided him for spending so much money on a pair of Quidditch gloves already in the shop. ‘Of course the enchantments which are supposed to be on them are hogwash. Players would not be allowed to use them in the league if they really improved grip strength magically. I buy them because they fit my hands properly. No other brand which I have tried offers this snug fit and proper feeling.’

‘Are your hands that different?’ she asked. ‘I can fit into most gloves just fine, but I tend to use fingerless ones.’

She grabbed James’s right hand which had been resting on the table and took a close look at it. James was acutely aware of the ring glimmering on his finger.

His hands prickled when she touched him.

‘They are too slender for most gloves,’ he explained. ‘I need my gloves to fit snugly otherwise I lose too much feeling. I could use fingerless ones like you do, but my hands get too sweaty during a match to use them.’

‘Yes, they are quite slender indeed,’ said Amber. ‘Piano player hands, as my mother would say. I like them.’

‘Er... thanks,’ said James, slightly flustered. He had never been complimented for his hands before.

‘Is this an inheritance ring?’ she asked, touching the gold band with a finger.

‘Yes, it is,’ said James uncomfortably. ‘It marks me as the heir of my house.’

‘May I have a look?’ she asked.

James nodded, pulled back his hand. He removed the ring and gave it to her. Amber studied it for a minute before handing it back to him. Rather than putting it back on his finger, James slipped it into his pocket.

‘It is very beautiful,’ she said. ‘I have never seen you wear it before.’

‘I have only recently started wearing it,’ said James. ‘I have never liked jewellery and it seems a bit much.’

‘Ah,’ said Amber sagely. ‘Is the weight of the family weighing you down?’

‘I am not quite sure what you mean,’ said James, raising an eyebrow slightly.

‘Do you feel a bit... pressured and locked in?’ she asked. ‘As a pure-blooded we have all these rules to follow, it sometimes gets a bit much.’

‘Yeah, I guess I do,’ said James surprised. He could not believe it. He thought his regrets about being who he was were rather unique. Granted Sirius had shared them, but he did not count. They were too much alike anyway. But here was yet another pure-blood with similar feelings. Maybe he had more in common with Amber than he had thought. ‘People don’t really see me. They see the heir to a rich and respected family. It can be tiring sometimes.’

‘Are you parents very old-fashioned?’ asked Amber.

‘Not really,’ said James. ‘They mostly let me live my own life. I guess they are more relaxed, because their marriage was arranged and they don’t want their son to experience pressure like this.’

‘Your parents had an arranged marriage?’ asked Amber, interestedly. ‘What do you know about it?’

‘Not too much,’ said James, a bit surprised about her interest in this topic. ‘I only learned about it a few years ago. Apparently my grandparents arranged the marriage when my parents were around fifteen. It was quite common to have an arranged marriage at this time, so they had expected it. Still, I image it was quite a difficult situation. As far as I can tell they are happy with their marriage, so they seem to have grown on each other.’

‘That’s nice,’ said Amber. ‘Mostly you hear about horrible, unhappy arranged marriages. It makes a nice change to hear about a happy one.’

James had rarely heard anything about arranged marriages. Maybe it was more common for a witch to dabble in this kind of things, but he nevertheless considered her interest in this topic extraordinary.

‘Did your parents have an arranged marriage as well?’ he asked.

‘Oh no,’ said Amber. ‘No, my parents both work as Healers at St. Mungos. They met there when my mother started training. My father was already a junior healer at the time and helped her get settled in. And the rest is history. Did you parents already know each other before they were engaged?’

‘Err... I think so,’ said James. ‘They were born in the same year and both went to Hogwarts. They even were in the same house. So, I guess they knew each other, but I do not know how close they were.’

‘Must be weird,’ said Amber pensively. ‘Finding out suddenly that some acquainted student you barely talk to will be your future husband.’

‘Yeah, I image it is,’ said James. For a moment he thought about what would happen if a marriage between Evans and him was arranged. He shuddered at the thought. She would probably off him the moment she learned about the marriage. Fortunately, this scenario would never happen. After all, arranged marriages were on the decline and were mostly used between pure-blood families. ‘Losing control over your life like this is very disturbing. I image it takes some time to get used to it.’

‘But you think one gets used to it?’ asked Amber.

‘I guess so,’ said James. ‘I mean obviously it depends on your husband or wife, but in general one can get used to a lot of things.’

‘Yeah, I guess you are right,’ she said slowly. ‘But what if you are forced to marry someone horrible?’

‘Well, normally your parents should pay attention to whom they are marrying you to,’ said James.

‘Obviously,’ said Amber. ‘But your parents could have other goals in mind then your happiness. Huge dowries were quite common in the pure-blood community in the past. Your parents might consider your unhappiness an acceptable price to pay for a huge amount of money.’

‘That would be horrible, but it is possible,’ said James. He shuddered at the thought of parent’s using their children as bargaining chips in their struggle for money and power. He knew that most of his ancestors had lived in arranged marriages and he wondered whether the power and money of his family had been created by skilfully crafted marriages. It was an uncomfortable thought.

‘You could always run away,’ said Amber.

‘You could,’ said James. ‘But the price would be horrible. Running from an arranged marriage is still considered a serious crime. You would get expelled from the magical community and your parents would have to pay a huge fine. They could go to jail if they don’t have enough money. I think you even have to serve time in Azkaban.’

‘That’s correct,’ said Amber. ‘Five years, I think. Then you are free to go and may live your life as a Muggle.’

‘You know an awful lot about this,’ said James.

‘I am merely curious,’ said Amber. ‘My mother has told me about my grandparents arranged marriage and I did some digging. Anyway, what do you think about our new defence teacher?’

James knew that this was a deliberate change of subject. Something was going on here. Still, he allowed Amber to steer the conversation in a different direction. He was going to find out what was going on soon enough.

Shortly before dinner, James and Amber were heading back to Hogwarts. James was holding her hand as they walked and smoked a cigarette. He was in a good mood. The date with Amber had worked well so far and he had even enjoyed himself.

‘You should really quit smoking,’ said Amber with a smile on her face. ‘It is not a very nice habit.’

‘When did you quit smoking again?’ asked James, amused. He had never really understand the urge of every witch to change whatever boy she was interested in. After all, they like him enough to start dating him in the first place. Amber and he were not even a couple yet, but she was already starting her work. Fortunately, James was stubborn. His parents had tried to form him into a well behaved boy all his life. He had a lot of practice in ignoring other people’s advice.

‘Almost a month ago,’ she said proudly. ‘And it was one of the best things I ever did.’

‘Good for you,’ said James. ‘I have tried quitting at least five times already and I have always caved in. It does not help that my best mate smokes like a chimney, though.’

‘I can give you some pointers if you would like,’ she said. ‘It is all about the correct mind-set. I...’

She broke off in midsentence and focused on something to their right. They had not yet left Hogsmeade, but they were on the very edge of the small town. On their right a couple was kissing in the shadows of a small alley. James did not recognize them. Amber, however, apparently did, as her grip on James’s hands tightened so much it hurt and James could see the tension building in her body. She had stopped walking and was glaring at them. James did not know what to do.

Amber apparently had some kind of history with the couple. James had seen enough jealous witches in his life, mostly thanks to Sirius’s dating behaviour, to know what was going on here. He was pretty sure that the bloke was either one of Amber’s ex-boyfriends or was someone she had been interested in for a long time. He was not sure how he felt about it. Suddenly, the couple broke apart and seemed to glance at their surroundings for the first time in quite a while. They noticed James and Amber seconds later. The bloke flushed at being caught like he this. He looked a bit too old to be a student. He was handsome, with longish black hair and thick stubble on his cheeks. The girl, a pretty one with a blonde pixie cut, reacted quite differently. Rather than being embarrassed, she smirked at Amber and him with a look of triumph on her face. James felt Amber tense up even further. This was not a good sign. He had no desire to get involved in a fight between the two girls. However, rather than hexing the other girl, Amber spun around to face James again. He could barely see the determination and anger in her eyes, before she crashed her lips against his and wrapped her arms around him. It was a clumsy, angry kiss and James had not been prepared for it. For a moment he swayed, trying to find his balance before they would both topple other. Fortunately, he managed to stay on his feet. He tentatively was starting to kiss Amber back. She opened her mouth slightly and touched his lips with her tongue, asking for entry. James complied and open his mouth. Seconds later, her tongue was in his mouth. She was aggressive, kissing him like her life depended on it. One of her hands tangled itself in hair while the wandered to his lower back. It was too much and too fast, but James did not mind too much. He knew that she was probably only trying to get back at the other couple, but it was hard to concentrate on this fact when she was deliciously massaging his tongue. Suddenly it occurred to him that he should probably do something too instead of just standing here and taking it. His hands grabbed her hips and he pulled her even closer to him, so that her breast were rubbing against his chest and their hips were touching. He was already half hard and he was sure that she could feel his erection through his pants. Normally, he would have been embarrassed about it, but Amber left very little room for thought. It ended as quickly as it had begun. Suddenly Amber pulled away and took a step back. It took James’s mind a moment to realize what had happened. Then, he took a look at Amber and at his surroundings. She looked quite flustered and the other couple was gone. James licked his lips, enjoying what remained of her taste. He did not quite know what to say, so he just looked Amber in the eye and raised one of his eyebrows. She blushed even more at his gaze.

‘I think we should head back to school,’ she said quietly. ‘I want to get to dinner in time.

James was amused at her embarrassment. Amber normally seemed quite head strong and pushy, but at the moment she seemed quite out of her depths. James guess that this was not normal behaviour. He knew several rather promiscuous girls and judging from Sirius’s and his own experience, these girls were hardly ever embarrassed about anything. He said nothing. Instead, he just held out his hand for her to grasp. She looked surprised at first, but then tentatively took his hand. They walked silently for a while. When they had passed half of the distance back to the castle, James spoke up:

‘So, do you want to tell me what this was all about?’

‘I’d rather not, but I guess I owe it to you,’ she sighed. ‘Listen, I am sorry for assaulting you like this. I was upset and did the first thing that came to my mind.’

‘And the first thing you thought of was snogging me?’ asked James, smirking. ‘I guess you are quite popular if you get upset often.’

‘Prat,’ she said and hit his arm lightly, but she was smiling nevertheless. ‘For the record, this is the first time that this happened to me. The bloke was my ex-boyfriend, Michael Knight. We had an ugly break up last summer. The girl is Laura, one of my roommates. We have never gotten along and she had been quite smitten with Michael for a while. I had heard rumours that the two of them had gotten together, but I had not wanted to believe them. Fortunately, Michael has already graduated from Hogwarts, so I don’t have to see them during school. I had a feeling that he might be in Hogsmeade today. Therefore, I wanted to avoid the Three Broomsticks, as I did not want to run into him. When I caught the two of them snogging, I was quite overwhelmed with the situation.’

‘I see,’ said James. She had been upset that her ex-boyfriend had apparently moved on and used James to demonstrate that she did not care about it. It was quite messed up.

‘Are you upset with me?’ she asked. ‘I know this all makes me look like some kind of petty girl on the rebound.’

‘No, I am not upset,’ said James, truthfully. He was a bit surprised that he was not angry with her. For a moment he thought about how he would feel about this situation if it was Lily rather than Amber. Instantly, he felt a wave of rage sweep over him. Yes, he would definitely be angry if Lily used him as a rebound. Sadly, he still cared too much about her to have some short-term careless pseudo relationship with her. But Amber was not Lily. He did not mind that she was using him. After all, he was kind of using her as well. He had given up chasing what he really wanted, so he settled for something he could have. It was terribly unromantic, but at least it was not making him miserable. ‘I think I know how you feel.’

‘Oh?’ said Amber, surprised. ‘Do you have some emotional baggage as well?’

‘Something like that,’ said James. ‘But we should not worry think about the past so much. We all have regrets and constantly dredging those up will not help anybody. I think we should just go with the flow and see what happens.’

‘I would like that,’ said Amber, smiling. ‘I think we could be good together.’

‘I think so to,’ said James.

He was surprised as he realized that he was telling the truth.

Chapter 4

Chapter Text

About three weeks later, James was sitting in potions, the first subject of the day, and was desperately trying to stay awake. It was Tuesday and the night after the full moon. They had spent all night roaming the forest and by now he was dead tired. It had been a great night. Remus had been in a better mood than usual and had been more gentle than usual. Therefore neither James nor Sirius had suffered any major injuries. James hoped that this trend was going to continue in the future. He was tired of mending bones after each full moon. He glanced at Sirius who was sitting next to him. His best mate looked even more tired than James felt. James could see his eyelids drooping and he grabbed Sirius’s shoulder and shook him before he could fall asleep and slump unto the desk. Sirius jerked awake. He was confused for a moment, but then seemed to realize what had happened as he gave James a grateful look.

‘Next time we prepare some Ever-Alert-potion,’ he grumbled. ‘I don’t think I will make it through the day. And we have transfiguration afterwards. McGonagall will give us detention in a heartbeat if we don’t pay proper attention to her class.’

‘There is a reason we have never used this stuff,’ whispered James back. ‘The side effects are severe and get worse if you are already sleep deprived when you are taking it. Besides, it lasts for close to twenty hours. That’s way too long. We need to get to back early on a day like this and with this stuff in our system, we would never be able to fall asleep.’

‘So, we just have to take it earlier than. At some point during the night,’ replied Sirius, whispering as well. He glanced at Slughorn to see if he had noticed their conversation. Fortunately, their teacher was still droning on about the test they had taken during the last lesson. The topic had been antidotes and apparently most of the class had done rather poorly. James did not care at all. He was decent in potions and was not too worried about his grade. Also, he had only taken the topic to be able to become an auror. Currently, he had no desire follow this particular profession, but his father had strongly suggested that he should keep the option open.

Usually, his fathers ‘suggestions’ were more or less orders, but in this case James could see the reasoning behind the idea. It was not hard to see that the conflict with Voldemort would get worse before it got better. The ministry was going to need more aurors if they wanted to defeat Voldemort. Furthermore, the aurors had to oppose Voldemort’s ideology otherwise they would simply be bought and would not properly work against him. If he became an auror, he could make a difference. James was not sure how he felt about fighting Voldemort. On the one hand, he firmly believed that blood status was irrelevant and that Voldemort was wrong. Baby Death Eaters like Avery and Snape caused his blood to boil and he would like nothing more than to throw all of them in jail. On the other hand he was afraid of the consequences of fighting. He had heard about the atrocities the Death Eaters had already committed and he knew that he would not be spared just because he was a pure-blood. The thought of losing his friends and family in this war was unbearable. A part of him still hoped that he could avoid all of it and just become a professional Quidditch player as he had always dreamed. If they would only just catch Voldemort already! Then he would not have to pick any side and could just move on with his life. He was fifteen after all. He was supposed to worry about his grades and about girls rather than with the state of the Wizarding World! It was a terrible time to be a juvenile in.

Sirius’s nudged him and James remembered that they were in the middle of a conversation.

‘Sorry, I zoned out,’ he whispered to his best mate.

‘Dreaming about Evans?’ Sirius asked with a leer on his face. James eyes flickered to the red head in the first row for a moment before focusing back on Sirius.

‘No,’ said James. ‘The state of the nation if you must know.’

‘Of course,’ said Sirius, rolling his eyes. ‘I was saying that we just have to take the potion at some point in the night.’

‘Oh sure,’ whispered James. ‘We just transform back in the middle of our antics and knock back a few vials. What could possibly go wrong?’

‘We don’t have to transform back,’ said Sirius. ‘We just have to stash the potion in a kettle or something in a save place and we can lap it up.’

‘That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard,’ said James, lowering his voice even further. ‘Sure, lets pour a dangerous potion in a puddle, so that a stag, a dog and a rat can all drink from it while they are playing with a werewolf. What a brilliant idea! We don’t even know how the potion is going to behave if it is drunk by an animagus. I am a lot bigger as a stag than as a human. Does this mean that I have to adjust the dose? What about Peter? And how do we prevent Moony from drinking it? He is a handful even without a potion to pump him up.’

To James’s surprise, Sirius seemed to realize that his idea had some flaws. He opened his mouth to reply, but just closed it again, apparently not sure what to say. James was glad that he had defused this reckless idea for the moment. Sirius’s devil-may-care-attitude could get out of hand sometimes. On the one hand it enabled him to do great things without caring about the consequences too much on the other hand it seriously lowered his life expectancy. James considered himself brave as well, but in contrast to Sirius, he usually had the ability to both see the consequences and actually paid them some heed.

Their discussion had ended just in time. Slughorn had stopped ranting about the bloody test by now and was now moving on the discussions of today’s topic while handing out the test results.

‘We will continue our discussion about antidotes today’, he said while slapping down a sheet of paper on James’s desk. He glanced at the mark scrawled in the right hand corner of the parchment: Acceptable. It was not a great result, but considering that he had not studied at all for the bloody test it was fine. To his right, Sirius made a face at his mark. James could only briefly see the large P on the test before his best mate crumpled it and stuffed it into his pocket.

‘Before we get started, I have one more announcement to make,’ said Slughorn. ‘Every year the honoured Association for the Advancement of Potion Making has a contest to find talented junior potion makers. Traditionally, this contest is only available for witches and wizards who have finished school, but this year it was decided to open it for sixth and seventh years at Hogwarts. Of course they have created a new category for the young participants as it would quite unfair to pitch them against more experienced potion makers. The task in the contest is to brew a certain potion and improve it more or less slightly when compared to the standard recipe. This year, the Blood Replenishing Potion was chosen. Every one of you may enter the contest. If you win, you will receive two hundred Galleons as prize money. The final ten contestants will be invited to a great final event where the victor will be announced. It is an excellent way to test your skills as well as to make some connections with the establishment of the potion maker society. I highly recommend it. Of course every person taking part in the context will be allowed to use the Restricted Section in the library if it is necessary. You have until the mid of December to finish your potion and have to submit your application until Halloween. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me after class. Now, let’s get started.’

‘What do you think about that?’ asked Sirius. ‘I have heard of this Association before. I think my parents are members.’

‘My mum is involved in this contest,’ said James, pulling a face. ‘She bloody loves potion making. She has joined that association decades ago and is part of the committee which will determine the victor. She has even badgered me to enter even though she knows I don’t care about potions.’

‘You are not going to enter then?’ asked Sirius. ‘Some extra money would be neat, though.’

‘Of course I won’t enter,’ said James, looking at Sirius as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. ‘I am not going to win. I have to compete with potion obsessed people like Evans and Snivellus. I won’t spent my precious time fighting a losing battle and I don’t want to give them the satisfaction. Also, I don’t need the money. You are not going to enter, are you?’

‘Nah,’ said Sirius. ‘You are right. There is no point doing extra school work just to lose against Evans or Snape.’

He made a disgusted face at the mere thought of being bested by those two people. James smiled. Sirius loathed Snape even more than he did and he had never gotten along with Evans. The latter was naturally fuelled by the fact that Evans had broken up more than one of Sirius’s late night rendezvous. He was still miffed about her interrupting a perfectly fine blow j*b at the end of last year.

James glanced at Evans who was sitting next to Marlene in the front row. They were talking in hushed voices. James wondered whether Evans was excited about the contest. Knowing her fondness for potions she would probably enter. She was mental enough to be actually happy about the opportunity to brew more potions. Well, he supposed it made sense for her to take a shot at this opportunity. As a muggle-born, it would be prudent to use any opportunity to make a name for yourself in the Wizarding World. Connections were everything, especially if you wanted to get a job in the Ministry. Money was very helpful, as well. James did not know how well-off Evan’s family was, but he doubted that she came from a rich family. The prize money would probably help her finance the last years at school and to get her started for life after Hogwarts. James wondered what she planned to do after school. Knowing Evans, she probably had it all figured out and had chosen her career back in their first year at Hogwarts. She was probably going to join the Ministry in some attempt to make the world a better place.

‘So, what is going on with you and Amber?’ asked Sirius, interrupting James’s musing about Evans. ‘You did not sleep in your bed the night before the full moon.’

‘We are making progress,’ said James who suddenly felt angry about the amount of thought he had spent of Evans again. She was not interested in him, had a boyfriend and had treated him horribly in the past! He was supposed to think about Amber during boring lessons rather than musing about a girl who hated him. ‘I spent the night in her dormitory.’

‘Did you now?’ said Sirius. ‘Do they have some protection on the girl dormitories as well? You know like the ridiculous stairs in the Gryffindor dorm.’

‘Yeah,’ said James. ‘Exactly the same one. The work around is also the same. Even Amber knew how to bypass it.’

‘Hm, you are probably not the first bloke she has taken into her bed,’ said Sirius. ‘And did you like it?’

‘Yes, and it was not the first time we shagged,’ said James. Sirius questions made him remember the night in details. He remember the taste of Amber’s lips, the softness of her breast, the mewling sounds she had made as he had pounded into her again and again. He felt himself harden at the memories. Fortunately, his robes were loose enough to hide it from the rest of class. ‘We had a go in an abandoned class room two weeks ago.’

‘Well done,’ said Sirius. ‘I am going to need copious details, but this is neither the time nor the place. It seems rather fast, though. Well, fast for you, I mean. I would have shagged her on the first date and be done with it, but you are a bit of a romantic. I am surprised you made it this far before Christmas.’

‘Stuff it,’ said James. ‘It’s not that I had to do very much. Amber is rather... eager.’

‘Ah, I knew that there was something I liked about her,’ said Sirius with a smile on his face. ‘Sounds like a keeper to me, James. What do you think?’

‘I don’t know yet,’ said James. ‘I like her. She is kind and very easy to get along with. Still, I think that she is keeping me at a distance. There seems to be something she is not telling me. I don’t think she wants a proper relationship. As far as I know, the breakup with her ex-boyfriend was rather messy.’

‘Do you want a proper relationship with her?’ asked Sirius, sagely. ‘Remember why you started this thing in the first place.’

‘That’s what I am trying to figure out,’ said James. ‘I mean, I originally intended this to be a short fling. Just to get back in the game and to clear my head a bit. But now as I am in, I wonder whether this could be something greater. Maybe Amber and I could have a future together. Maybe she is not just a tool to forget Evans.’

‘You are not over her, though,’ remarked Sirius.

‘How do know?’ asked James, even though he knew that Sirius was right. Evans was still on his mind far more often than he would like.

‘Mr. Potter, Mr. Black,’ boomed Slughorn’s voice. ‘Would you kindly focus on the task at hand? The instructions are on the blackboard. Get started with your antidote.’

‘Sorry Professor,’ the two chorused in unison.

Slughorn looked rather unconvinced, but let them off the hook without deducting any points. James glanced at the blackboard and read the instructions for the antidote they were supposed to be brewing. It looked rather complicated and he had not paid any attention to Slughorn’s explanations. Normally, he would ask Remus for some pointers, but he was in the hospital wing, recovering from his transformation. Sirius and he were on their own with this one and both of them were dead tired. James sighed as he rose to gather the ingredients. It was going to be a long day.

* * * * *

A few days later James was sitting on one of the plush couches of the Gryffindor common room with Marlene. It was a Friday evening and he was busy proof-reading Marlene’s essay regarding partial human transfiguration. Marlene and he had returned from Quidditch practice half an hour ago. She was scribbling an essay for charms, her back resting against his shoulder. It was one of the few times were James was not accompanied by the rest of the Marauders. Remus and Peter were in the library, studying for arithmancy while Sirius was off with some bird. Normally, he would have joined Remus and Peter, as he liked to discuss arithmancy with Remus, but he had promised Marlene to help with this essay and he could not deny that she needed the help.

‘Why did you even keep transfiguration?’ he asked after crossing out a whole paragraph of the essay. ‘You hate the subject and you have no talent for it.’

‘I know that,’ said Marlene. ‘And thanks for the encouraging words. You know that I want to become a healer and that I need transfiguration on a NEWT level to get into the program.’

‘Right,’ said James, remembering now. ‘I sincerely hope that you will not need transfiguration in your day to day work as a healer. Otherwise, your patients will be in a pickle.’

She stuck her tongue out at him.

‘I got an E on my transfiguration OWL,’ she remarked. ‘So I am not that horrible. You just think I am because you are bloody prodigy at transfiguration.’

‘You got that E because I tutored you for weeks,’ said James. ‘And I still think that you should have scored on O regarding all the time I put in.’

‘Pish posh,’ said Marlene. ‘If I scored an O McGonagall would probably have fed me Veritaserum to find out how I cheated on the exam.’

‘That’s probably true,’ said James, refocusing his attention on the essay. He scribble a few annotations on the border of the parchment. He should give Marlene enough pointers to properly redo the bloody thing. It could not be salvaged, but if she started over and followed his hints she should be fine.

Ten minutes later, he was done.

‘Here you go,’ said James, passing the essay back to her. ‘If you want a passing grade, you have to rewrite this thing. I have left you some pointers on the borders.’

‘Bloody hell,’ groaned Marlene. ‘I knew it was not my best piece of work, but it had hoped that it would be an acceptable at least. Well, if it can’t be helped, I’ll redo it. I need a good grade. McGonagall has not been impressed with my work in this year so far.’

‘Are you going to do it tonight?’ asked James. ‘I can take a look at the new version as well if you hurry up. I have to an essay for potions but otherwise I am free for the night.’

‘No, I am not going to do it tonight,’ said Marlene. ‘I am going to finish the essay for charms and then I am heading to bed. Your bloody Quidditch training has worn me out. I am barely keeping myself awake. If I start another essay, I am going to fall asleep right in this room.’

‘You would not be that exhausted if you worked on your endurance like I have told you,’ remarked James loftily. ‘You could join me for my morning runs. I would not mind the company and you could get fit.’

‘Getting up at 6 in the bloody morning so I can run around the lake for an hour no matter how cold or wet it is? I will pass, thank you very much.’

‘Oh quit being such a baby,’ said James. ‘Maybe I should add some more endurance drills to the training sessions. Obviously my players neglect that aspect of their training.’

‘Don’t you dare,’ said Marlene. ‘You are crazy enough to work us until we puke.’

‘You make it sound like that’s a bad thing,’ said James.

‘McGonagall was nuts to make you Quidditch captain,’ grumbled Marlene.

The two of them fell silent again while Marlene was working on her essay. James opened his bag, extracted a roll of parchment, a quill, an inkpot and his potion textbook. He briefly skimmed the section about the properties of combined antidotes before starting his essay.

He must have paid more attention to Slughorn than he remembers as his progress was much faster than he had anticipated. After he had gotten into it the words were flowing out of his quill at a blazing speed. He finished the essay in less than thirty minutes. When he was done he had almost no recollection of what he had written. Expecting the worst, James started to read the essay again. Had he gotten side-tracked while he had been in the zone and had switched topics halfway through the bloody thing? This had happened to him once in his third year and he had not noticed before turning in the essay. McGonagall had not been pleased that he had switched to Confundus Charms halfway through a transfiguration essay. This time, however, he had stayed on topic. In fact, James was rather pleased with the quality of the essay. It was going to be an E at least. Grinning at his own intelligence, he rolled up the essay and placed it in his bag. When he looked up again, he noticed Marlene looking at him. She had twisted her body around, so that she was now facing him and her feet were resting on the ground.

‘What?’ he asked.

‘Have you been using powdered dragon claw?’ she asked him.

‘What? No, I haven’t,’ said James.

‘You just demolished that stupid essay,’ she pointed out. ‘And this was a difficult one. I should have taken you much longer to do it.’

‘I am naturally brilliant as you should know,’ said James haughtily. ‘I don’t need powdered dragon claw to finish my assignments.’

‘Right, I just should have remembered that,’ said Marlene rolling her eyes. ‘Can I copy yours? I don’t think I will have time to do it this weekend.’

‘Do it yourself,’ grumbled James. ‘You just insulted my intelligence by suspecting me of cheating.’

‘Touchy, touchy,’ said Marlene grinning even more. ‘Alright, if you won’t help me there, you can tell me something else. What is going on with Marchbanks and yourself? I have heard that you have spent more than one night in the Ravenclaw dormitories.’

‘Have you now?’ said James. He was not really surprised that his late night visits had been noticed by the school’s population. He was a public figure after all, due to his status as Gryffindor Quidditch Captain and as leader of the Marauders. However, he had not expected Marlene to pick up this particular bit of news so quickly. He should have known better as she was quite interested in all kinds of gossip.

‘Yes, I have,’ she said grinning. ‘So, spill.’

‘There is nothing to spill,’ said James. ‘So, I like to spend some nights with Amber. That should hardly be news to you. She is not the first witch I have shagged.’

‘I know that you have shagged witches in the past,’ said Marlene, not at all fazed by his crude language. ‘And you do sound ridiculous when you say dirty words by the way.’

‘What?’ said James. ‘How do I sound ridiculous?’

‘You have a posh accent’, cried Marlene. ‘It sounds ridiculous if you curse like a sailor, because one can hear how upper-class you are just from the way you talk.’

James opened his mouth, but could not think of anything to respond. He had always liked to curse, probably because his parents strongly disliked all uncouth language. He had never considered how it might sound coming out of his mouth. He closed his mouth again and waited for Marlene to continue.

‘Anyway, I have the feeling that whatever you have with Amber is more than just some casual shags,’ said Marlene. ‘It has been going on for longer than your flings have in the past. You tend to distinguish between girls you want to date and girls you want to shag. The latter change with time, but in the past you had only really wanted to date Lily. Maybe that is about to change.’

Her words rang true and James silently cursed her for this accurate assessment. He did not like to talk about this topic in general and he most definitely did not want to discuss his love life in the middle of the bloody common room. Fortunately, Marlene had lowered her voice so much that it did not carry in the loud room. Nevertheless, he had no intention of actually discussing this topic with her. He would just have to stall and hope that she would let him off the hook after a while.

‘I thought he had agreed to stay out of each other’s love lives,’ he said. ‘Is our agreement null and void? If so, I am absolutely thrilled to pay your good for nothing boyfriend a visit. I have wanted to have a word with him for a long time.’

‘Our agreement still stands,’ said Marlene hastily. ‘And you leave Charlie alone. I know how you talk with my boyfriends and I prefer not to visit them in the hospital wing thank you very much. I am just trying to help you.’

‘Help me?’ asked James. ‘Help me how?’

‘Whatever you are doing with Amber, you should keep doing it,’ said Marlene. ‘She seems to make you happy and she takes your mind of Lily. Lily’s and your life has been significantly improved since you are both dating other people. I think it should stay this way. If it means that you and Amber become a thing, then I am happy for you. She seems to be a nice person. Also, it improves my life as well as I don’t have to play mediator between Lily and you.’

‘Well, I was not expecting that,’ said James, honestly. He had known of course that Marlene had not liked his more or less well planned tries at wooing Lily, but he had still assumed that Marlene wanted him and Lily to act up together as well. Of course, she had never admitted it to him, but she had spent hours of her life calming Lily down and preventing her from hexing him. Still, she had a point. His life had been much easier since he had been dating Amber. Evans’s constant rejections had become quite painful in the end. Also, Evans had a boyfriend and this meant that she was off limits. James was not the type of person who stole another man’s girl. He left this to Sirius. James wondered briefly who things were going with this Luke character. Then he pushed the thought away. Evans love life was not his business.

‘And you can relax,’ he said to Marlene. ‘I am not going to bother Evans again in the foreseeable future. It has taken me a while to get it, but I know by now that she loathes me. I am not going to waste my time chasing someone who can’t even tolerate me.’

‘Music to my ears,’ said Marlene, smiling. ‘I think it is the right decision. There are more than enough witches who want to date you and who can make you happy. Lily is not that special. You don’t have to spend all your time at school chasing your idealised version of her.’

To James, Lily was still special as she was the first girl he had been head over heels in love with, but he had to admit that Marlene had a point. Most likely, his perception of Lily was an idealized one, glossing over most of her fault and overemphasizing her lovable qualities. It would be a good idea to bury this idealized version of Evans. Even if by some miracle they would become a couple someday, she would never be able to compete with the godlike version of her he had placed on a pedestal. He had to knock down that pedestal if he ever wanted to be truly happy.

‘Right you are,’ said James.

‘I would have expected more of a fight,’ said Marlene suspiciously. ‘I have told you to give Lily a break almost constantly over the last two years. Why are you listening to me all of a sudden?’

‘Hey, what makes you think I cannot reassess the situation by myself and decided to change my behaviour?’

‘The fact that you have refused to do so for years?’

‘Details, details,’ said James. ‘Well, it’s all water under the bridge. I may have made some mistakes in the past, but I am wiser now.’

‘And I am very proud of you,’ said Marlene. ‘You know, you should have Amber around more often. I would like to get to know her.’

‘Would you know?’ asked James. ‘And why is that?’

‘Is it so strange that I want to know something about my best mate’s girlfriend?’ asked Marlene innocently.

‘Most definitely,’ said James. ‘You were not exactly happy when I started getting interested in girls romantically, do you remember? I remember you calling the idea of me snogging a girl ‘disgusting’. This was one of the reasons we came up with our agreement. Hence, I don’t really see why you would want to get to know my pseudo girlfriend all of a sudden.’

‘Alright, alright,’ said Marlene. ‘You got me. I just wanted to share some embarrassing stories about you with Amber. But you caught me, so I will be a good girl and just stay out of your business.’

‘That’s my girl,’ said James, smiling. ‘You should know better than trying to trick me like this. I am a Marauder, I can tell if people are lying to me and you are not a very good liar to begin with.’

‘Am too,’ she said and stuck her tongue out at him. James laughed at her silly behaviour. Marlene always managed to cheer him up.

‘Marlene?’ said a voice which made James’s heart speed up. ‘You wanted my help with your potion’s essay.’

Lily had just entered the common room and was now standing an arm length from the couch James and Marlene were sitting on. She looked a bit frazzled. Judging by the blush on her cheeks and the ruffled state of her school uniform, James was quite sure that she had been thoroughly snogged mere moments ago. He felt a spike of jealousy in his heart, but it was duller than he had expected. He seemed to be on the right track regarding Lily Evans.

‘Right,’ said Marlene. ‘I am sorry, I have lost track of time. I was supposed to meet you in the library wasn’t I?’

‘Yes,’ said Lily. ‘When you did not show up, I had the feeling that you had simply forgotten and that I would find you here. Now grab your stuff, I want to head to bed soon.’

‘Did you have a rough day, Evans?’ said James innocently. He tried to keep his face passive, but he could feel a smirk appearing on his face.

‘It was quite demanding if you must know,’ said Lily. She blushed slightly and James knew now for sure that she had been fooling around with her prat of a boyfriend.

‘Ah yes, all this strenuous extra-curricular activities can become quite a burden,’ he said. He knew that he should not bait her so much, but he could not resist the opportunity to rile her up. He had always enjoyed taking the mickey out of her. The fact that she looked quite good when she was furious did not help.

‘Is there something in particular you are alluding to?’ asked Lily, her voice becoming cooler. Marlene was watching them with a look of alarm on her face. She seemed to guess that this conversation was not going to end well.

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said James. ‘I am not quite sure what you do in your spare time Evans. But if I had to take a guess, I would guess that snogging your boyfriend in some abandoned classroom is what got you all worn out today.’

‘Jealous, Potter?’ Lily asked with a smirk on her face. Despite her counter attack James knew that he had gotten to her, because her face was as red as a tomato by now.

‘Oh, please,’ said James. ‘Palmer is not my type, you are free to do with him as you please.’

‘That’s not what I meant and you know it,’ said Lily. ‘You are jealous of Luke and act like an ass because of it.’

‘You are absolutely wrong my dear,’ said James. This was a lie, of course. Naturally, he was jealous of Palmer, but this was not the primary reason why he was picking this fight with Evans. No, he was using this discussion to show her that he would not be chasing after her like a lost puppy anymore. Maybe he was also proofing it to himself at the same time.

‘I find it sweetly ironic that you assume that I am jealous of your boyfriend. Seems quite arrogant to me, wouldn’t you agree? And I seem to remember some person lecturing me again and again on the importance of being humble. But I seem to have forgotten who it was. Can you remember, Evans?’

‘You are a bloody prick, Potter,’ hissed Evans, her eyes blazing.

‘Maybe, but at least I am not a hypocrite,’ said James coolly.

‘I am so done with you,’ said Evans. ‘Marlene, I will meet you in the library, don’t keep me waiting.’

She stormed off and slammed the portrait hole shut behind her.

‘She seems a bit ticked off, don’t you think?’ said James and reached for his schoolbag again. He still had an issue of Which Broomstick to finish. Reading the magazine would relax him and help dissipate the anger at Evans which was running through his veins. Still, he felt a small sense of triumph. It felt good to take her down a peg or two. Despite his massive crush on her, he had to admit that she was not the easiest person to get along with.

‘What the bloody hell was that?’ asked Marlene him. ‘Why did you have a go at her like that?’

‘I felt like it,’ said James, truthfully. ‘And you should mind your language.’

‘You are unbelievable,’ said Marlene, shaking her head. ‘Please tell me you are not going to bait her all the time now. This would be even worse than chasing her. I was so looking forward to some peace and quiet.’

‘Don’t worry about that,’ said James. ‘I have too much else to do than agitate Evans all day.’

‘Thank merlin,’ said Marlene. ‘You know if the two of you ever got together it will either fail spectacularly of last all your life. You have so much history everything else is impossible.’

‘You should hurry up,’ said James. ‘Evans does not like to wait.’

‘Right,’ said Marlene, gathering her stuff. ‘But don’t think you are off the hook in this issue. I will keep a close eye on both you and Lily. If you provoke her again, you will have to deal with me as well.’

‘Yes, yes,’ said James. Marlene was almost never angry with him and he doubted that she cared this much about Lily’s and his relationship. ‘I will be a good boy. Now go, before she takes your head.’

Marlene gave him a brief kiss on the cheek before vanishing from the room. Sighing, James settled back in the sofa cushions. He hated how much influence Evans still had over him even when he had given up on her. Hopefully it would get better with time. He picked up the magazine again. With a bit of luck, it would take his mind off Evans.

* * * * *

A few days later, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were on their way to Charms. It was early in the morning and they were late. James had been up early as usual and had even managed to finish his morning run in time, but when he had returned to the dormitory, he had discovered that Sirius was hogging the shower. Remus and Peter had already been angry with their vain friend when James had arrived and their mood had not improved by now. After Sirius was done grooming himself, they barely had time to get ready themselves. After a hurried breakfast, they were now hasting through the corridors. At least Remus did. Both James and Sirius were not in too much of hurry.

‘Hurry up,’ said Remus. ‘We are already five minutes late. We should take the shortcut on the next level. It will buy us a few minutes.’

‘Don’t get you knickers in a twist, Moony’ said Sirius. ‘It’s just Charms. I don’t even need to go to the bloody class to pass it with flying colours and neither do you. You are just worried because you are a boring prefect.’

‘Unlike you, I don’t want to spend most of my time in school in detention,’ said Remus. ‘This has nothing to do with me being a prefect. Getting detention for being late is completely pointless. If I end up in detention, I want it to be for some grand prank and not just because one of my roommates is a conceited git.’

‘My, my,’ said Sirius. ‘What nasty words and from our ickle prefect no less. Is it your time of the month? No, wait that was a week ago.’

‘I have to agree with Remus,’ said Peter. ‘Tomorrow you will be the last one to enter the bathroom.’

‘Bugger off,’ said Sirius. ‘So I need some time to look fabulous who cares?’

‘You would look fabulous even if you did not spend an hour in the bathroom each morning,’ said James, rolling his eyes. ‘What are you even doing in there?’

‘Just because you have given up on your hair does not mean that everybody else has to abandon hope as well,’ said Sirius loftily.

They had just reached the next floor, when a loud sob and a stifled scream reached their ears.

‘What was that?’ asked Sirius already reaching for his wand.

‘Sounds like trouble,’ said Remus. ‘It’s coming from over there. Let’s check it out.’

‘Finally some action,’ said Sirius, smiling and he marched along the corridor.

They quickly found the source of the commotion. A group of Slytherins had corned a young girl. She was no older than a third year and judging from her yellow scarf was a member of Hufflepuff House. Her attackers were Avery, Mulciber, Snape and to James’s surprise, Regulus Black. He could feel Sirius tensing up at finding his brother in this company. This was going to get ugly very fast if Sirius lost his temper. Avery had his wand out and had placed it under the girl’s chin. Mulciber had his out as well, but was only waving it around threateningly. Snape and Regulus were hanging back a bit. Both of them had yet to draw their wands.

‘Well, well, well,’ said James. ‘What do we have here?’

‘Seems like some slimy snakes are bullying a young girl,’ said Sirius, his face filled with rage. ‘Regulus I must say I am quite disappointed in the company you keep. I thought you knew better then to association yourself with this filth.’

‘Oh look boys,’ said Avery. ‘It is our gang of blood traitors and half-bloods. You are one to talk about bad company Black. You are a disappointment to your family.’

‘Whatever is going on here, it stops now,’ said Remus. ‘Let her go and get to class and I will let you walk away without a detention.’

‘We don’t care about detention,’ snapped Mulciber. ‘And I am not going to be bossed around by a half-blood like you Lupin.’

‘No you prefer to get bossed around by dark wizards,’ said Sirius. ‘Now let her go, before we hex you into oblivion.’

‘Why don’t you give it a try, you blood traitor,’ snarled Avery. ‘You need to learn not to mess with your betters.’

‘Your betters?’ asked James, raising an eyebrow. ‘Avery I must say that is a bold claim coming from you. Whether or not the Avery blood line is truly pure is debateable. Wasn’t one of your great grandfathers a Muggle-born? In each case, the Black line is immaculate. So, if anyone here should mind his betters, it is you.’

‘You have no right to lecture me about blood purity, Potter,’ snarled Avery. ‘You are no better than him. A blood traitor to the core.’

Normally, James would have used this opportunity to embrace his status at a blood traitor. However, his father’s warning were still fresh in his mind. It was foolish to openly state his opinion here. It would accomplish nothing and only reinforce his family’s reputation as blood traitors. No, he had to frame it in a different way. James did not like to play these political games, but he knew that they were necessary in these times.

‘I have every right to lecture you,’ he said, drawling his voice like he had heard the more arrogant pure-bloods do countless times. ‘Not only is your blood-status questionable, you even behave like a common thug. Ambushing young girls to hex and coerce them hardly is appropriate for a young pure-blooded wizard from a good family. Yet, I find you and your comrades here in just that situation. You claim to fight for blood purity, but it seems to me you are dragging it in the mud in the process. Now let her go and we all go our separate ways.’

James had expected Avery to hex him directly after he finished his little speech. However, the Slytherin look at James with a pensive expression on his face. Before Avery could make his decision Mulciber made it for him.

‘Let’s go,’ he said. ‘It is not worth the trouble.’

‘It is your lucky day, Potter,’ said Snape. ‘Next time the odds might not be that favourable.’

‘I would hardly call even odds favourable,’ drawled James. ‘But I will look forward to continuing this discussion with you Snape.’

Mulciber let go of the girl and pushed her over to them. She bumped into Sirius who stabilized her easily. Before anyone could stop her, she fled down the corridor. Both the Marauders and the Slytherins watched her go.

‘I can’t believe you picked a fight with us over pathetic mudblood like her,’ snarled Regulus. ‘You Gryffindors have no common sense.’

‘Don’t call her that,’ snarled Sirius and raised his wand. ‘It is you who lacks common sense as you associate with these dark wizards.’

‘Sirius, put the wand down,’ said James. He himself was gripping his wand tightly and would have like nothing more than to cures these four baby death eaters. Nevertheless, he swallowed his anger. It would do him no good to land himself in detention over this. Also, it would make his acting less credible if he lost his temper over some ugly words.

‘But James...,’ said Sirius.

‘Now, Sirius,’ said James.

To James relief, Sirius lowered his wand. He could hear him grumbling under his breath, but the situation was a lot less serious now.

‘Would a good lapdog you are, Black,’ said Snape, mockingly. ‘It is sad that Potter has to hold your leash to prevent you from getting into too much trouble.’

‘Well gentlemen,’ said James, before Sirius could rise to the bait. ‘I think we all should get to class. It has been a pleasure.’

He turned to his mates.

‘Let’s go, we should have been in class ten minutes ago.’

He gave the Slytherins a mock salute before moving down the corridor. The rest of the Marauders followed him slowly. James expected the Slytherins to attack them from behind, but to his surprise nothing happened. As soon as they were out of earshot, he started another conversation.

‘Well, that went better than expected,’ he said. ‘We managed to rescue the girl without firing a single spell.’

‘You should not have held me back,’ growled Sirius. ‘I would have hexed little Regulus into a bloody pulp. What does this bloody fool think he is doing? Running around with scum like that?’

‘Hexing him would not have changed anything,’ said James. ‘I am sorry Sirius, but this is hardly a surprise given your family’s background.’

‘It would have made me feel better,’ said Sirius stubbornly. ‘I had hope that Regulus could follow my example and stay out of this whole business. But I guess his Slytherin friends are pulling him in and I bet Snape is first in line. The greasy git simply uses Regulus to get at me. He knows that I cannot stand the thought of my brother being involved with the dark arts.’

‘I doubt that Snape has this kind of pull on your brother,’ said Remus. ‘I think Regulus is just a bit confused at the moment. I think he will turn around before he gets seriously involved with Voldemort.’

‘I hope you are right,’ said Sirius darkly. ‘Still, I feel that we have given Snivellus too much leeway. It is about time that we teach him some manners. How dare he take part in attacking a little girl like that? He must be punished!’

‘Did anybody know who that girl was?’ asked James. ‘We should have made sure that she was alright instead of just letting her escape. I don’t like the thought of her running around in the castle in her state. She is probably in shock.’

‘I think her name is Jasmine Parker,’ said Peter. ‘As far as I know she is an acquaintance of Marlene. Should we head to the dormitory and look for her on the map?’

‘That would work, be we are already very late,’ said James. ‘We are going to get detention without a doubt, but if we show up any later or skip the lesson completely, it will be a week’s worth of detention rather than just a single day. Maybe we should look for her during lunch. Then we can make sure that she is alright.’

‘You guys go ahead to charms,’ said Sirius. ‘I will hop back to the dormitory, grab the map and look for her. I don’t care about the detention. Also, I need some time to think this over. I would not be able to concentrate anyway.’

‘Sirius, you really should come to class with us,’ said Remus. ‘I have read the school rules and it is possible to get expelled due to repeated small offences. Your record is so filled with detentions it is a wonder they have not expelled you by now. You should be more careful in the future.’

‘Bullocks,’ said Sirius. ‘If they have not expelled me by now they will not expel me in the future. Dumbledore is too soft and McGonagall likes me too much.’

‘Remus is not wrong,’ said James. ‘It is true that they have been lenient with us, but I am sure that they will be stricter in the future. After all, we get older and this means we are expected to act more mature. We should not push our luck.’

‘Just because you are on your way to becoming a model student does not mean that I have to stop having fun,’ said Sirius coldly. ‘Now if you are done lecturing me, I am going to find that girl.’

He stalked off in huff. James could hear him cursing all the way down the corridor.

‘That went well,’ said James. ‘We should not have pushed him like this.’

‘He will get over it,’ said Peter encouragingly. ‘You know Sirius. His temper tantrums may be intimidating, but give him an hour and everything will be back to normal.’

‘Not always,’ said Remus. ‘He can hold a grudge for a long time if he thinks he is right. I think he is more ticked off at his brother than at us, though.’

‘True,’ said James. ‘I can see why he is upset, but I have a bad feeling about this. Sirius hardly needs a reason to hex Slytherins and his brother’s corruption gives him quite a reason. We should keep an eye on him before he does anything stupid.’

‘I was quite impressed in the way you handled this, James,’ said Remus. ‘I would have expected you to throw a curse as soon as you spotted the Slytherins. Instead, you even held Sirius back. Quite impressive indeed.’

‘Oh, I wanted nothing more than to hex these bastards,’ said James. ‘But I realized that hexing them would not change anything. Also, I have made a promise to my dad and intent to keep it. Nevertheless, it is disturbing what they think they can get away with. It is getting worse.’

‘Yes,’ admitted Remus grudgingly. ‘Both inside and outside of school. The ministry is not making any progress in dealing with Voldemort and his cronies and this affects the school as well. Scum like Avery and Mulciber think their times has come and test the boundaries. I would not be surprised to see them join the Death Eaters after school.’

‘Maybe they already have,’ squeaked Peter with a note of fear in his voice. ‘They are vile enough to do it in a heartbeat.’

‘I don’t think they have,’ said James. ‘Someone like Voldemort does not joke around. He has no interest in common bullies like Avery and Mulciber. Just because they can frighten some younger girls at Hogwarts does not mean that they are useful. I am more worried about Snape.’

‘Why?’ said Remus. ‘Snape normally does not stalk around the school bullying muggle-borns. He was friends with Evans for a long time. I don’t think that he is as bad as the other two.’

‘He is even worse,’ said James. ‘He is far cleverer than Avery and Mulciber and he is brilliant at making potions. A good potion maker is in high demand and Snape is very ambitious and highly interested in dark magic. If we have any aspiring Death Eaters at school, I would bet my Nimbus that Snape is one of them.’

‘I think you are overreacting,’ said Remus. ‘Your history with Snape is clouding your judgement. I know that he has been trying to mend things with Evans. He would not do that if he had any plans to become a Death Eater. Joining Voldemort would make him an enemy of every muggle-born.’

‘Snape would do anything for power,’ said James firmly. ‘I don’t know what is going on between him and Evans and frankly, I don’t want to know. Still, I am very sure that we should keep a close eye on Snape.’

‘Personally, I am more worried about him keeping a close eye on us,’ said Remus darkly. ‘Have you noticed how he keeps looking at me? I think he suspects something, James. I could be very bad if he catches us during a full moon.’

‘Snape will never catch us,’ said Peter confidently. ‘We are far too clever for him.’

‘I agree, but we should not underestimate him. ‘Do you think he knows something Remus?’

‘No, he would already have spilled the beans if he knew,’ said Remus. ‘After all, he hates me. He would like nothing more than to ruin my life by telling everyone my secret.’

‘Yeah, that’s probably true,’ said James. ‘Alright, we will have to be more careful and will have to watch out for Snape. Let’s just hope that Sirius calms down a bit. If he continues to blame Snape for his brother’s misbehaviour, he will use any chance to jump Snape. This could be very bad if he finds Snape during a full moon.’

Remus paled at the thought.

‘You have to talk some sense into him, James,’ he said. ‘If Sirius wants to hex Snape he must do it without endangering us.’

‘I can try, but I doubt that he will listen to me,’ said James. ‘Sirius can be very vindictive and he has been nursing a grudge against Snape for a quite a while now.’

‘Just do it,’ said Remus. ‘You are the only thing he ever listens to.’

‘Alright, alright,’ said James. ‘Now let’s get a move on, we have to get to class.’

Chapter 5

Chapter Text

James rolled over on his back with a grunt. For a moment he just lay there and tried to regain control over his breathing. The high had been intense and some of the tension he had carried around with him during the whole day dissipated. He enjoyed the feeling of the sheets against his bare skin. He had always liked sleeping naked and after sex it felt even better.

‘Well, that was something else,’ said Amber’s voice to his right. She sounded amused.

‘Was it too rough?’ asked James without looking at her. It was the day before Halloween and Gryffindor had just lost a very close Quidditch Match against Hufflepuff. James had been furious after the match and Amber had dragged him up into her dormitory straight after the match. James had taken out some of his aggressions on her and had shagged her much harder than he usually did. It had been an interesting change.

‘No, I like it rough,’ she said, scooting closer to him and resting her head on his shoulder.

‘You could have told me,’ he said. ‘I would have shagged you roughly earlier if I had known that you like it.’

‘I don’t like to ask for rough treatment,’ said Amber. ‘Do you feel better now?’

‘Yeah,’ said James. ‘I do. One more thing is missing though.’

He twisted his body to the right, so he could reach the pack of cigarettes on his bedside table. He grabbed it and returned to his original position.

‘Are you going to smoke them in here?’ Amber asked.

‘Sure,’ said James. ‘Nothing better than a fa*g after shagging. Do you want one?’

‘I have quit,’ she said.

‘Right,’ said James. He put a cigarette in his mouth and took a drag. The magical cigarette ignited immediately. He blew a cloud of blue smoke into the darkness. He had cast a Silencing Charm around his bed as well as Imperturbable so that his mates could not barge in. Thanks to the charm, they would not notice the smoke. He placed the cigarette in his left hand and used the right one to pull Amber closer. Her naked skin felt delicious on his.

He took another quick drag of the cigarette before stealing a quick kiss.

‘Thanks for cheering me up,’ he said. ‘You are a great girlfriend.’

He could feel her stiffen for moment. That was not the reaction he had expected. They had never put a label on their relationship before and with the exception of their first date in Hogsmeade James had never asked her out. Still, with the increasing amount of time they had spent with each other, he had assumed that this was where they were heading. Also, he had grown quite fond of Amber in the meantime. She was affectionate, quick to laugh, easy to be around and as mad about Quidditch as he was. When he was with her, it was very easy not to think of Lily Evans. It alerted him that she seemed surprised by his words. Was he rushing things? Well, he could hardly take it back now.

‘You have never called me your girlfriend before,’ she said.

James twisted his head so he could look at her properly. It was hard to make out the details as he was not wearing his glasses, but he got the general idea nevertheless. She looked solemn, not at all overjoyed at his affection. That was not a good sign, but he could only power on. Backing down now would do more harm than good.

‘Well, we have never quite talked about the nature of our relationship, have we?’ he said carefully. ‘But it seems to me that this is where we are heading, so why not call it by its name?’

‘There is something I have to tell you,’ she said, a look of grim determination on her face. ‘You will not like what I am going to say, but hear me out, will you?’

‘I will,’ said James. He was quite worried now. He had no idea what she was going to say. Peter had informed him about everything he had heard about Amber in the Hogwarts rumour mill. It wasn’t much and what little he had heard head been innocuous.

‘Promise me,’ she said. ‘Promise that you will not say anything until I am done.’

‘I promise,’ said James, even though Amber’s request did not reduce his anxiety. It must be serious if she was making such a fuss.

‘You have probably heard that I broke up with my boyfriend Michael Knight at the end of last year,’ said Amber.

‘Yeah, he was the one we met in Hogsmead,’ said James. ‘I assume that it wasn’t an easy breakup?’

‘You could say that,’ said Amber. ‘But more important is the reason for the breakup. As you know I come from a pure-blood family. Michael is a muggle-born and my parents have never been thrilled that I dated him. They wanted me to find a more suitable match at Hogwarts. I never gave their wishes much thought, after all most parents are disappointed with their children’s partners. However, I underestimated their resolve. As I made no effort to find a rich pure-blood as a boyfriend they have arranged a marriage for me in my absence. I am supposed to marry Peter Fawley. When I got home from the holidays they spared no time in telling me. The wedding will be in July, a few days after my graduation.’

James opened his mouth to say something, but Amber shot him a glare causing him to close it again. Apparently, she was not yet done.

‘I raged for a week and tried to come up with a way out of this situation, but after a while I had to admit defeat. I realized that I could spent my days fighting the unavoidable or I could try to make the best out of a bad situation. My first step was to tell Michael the horrible news. He tried to talk me into running away with him, he even proposed right on the spot, but I could not do it. I am not willing to throw away my life, just to remain free. So, I broke up with him. It was hard and both of us were hurt in the process, but it had to be done. After this was over, I asked my parents to arrange a meeting with my fiancé. Honestly, it was much better than I expected. I met him a week before the end of the holidays. He and his parents joined us for dinner. The Fawleys are a well-respected and traditional family, as you most likely know, and from my experience they are quite friendly people. Peter was a perfect gentlemen and we shared a few nice moments together. I think given enough time, we could be good for each other. Of course, it is hard to tell if you have only spent a few hours with another person.’

‘Sounds like you parents made a good choice,’ said James. He could not stay silent any longer. He knew he was breaking his promise, but he did not care. ‘The Fawleys are traditional, but they are no purists. My father is quite fond of Gerard Fawley, I think he is your future husband’s grandfather. But I have to ask, why did you say yes when I asked you out if you are going to get married?’

‘I was going to explain that,’ said Amber. She had winced when he had said the word ‘husband’ but now she was looking him directly into the eyes. ‘After meeting Peter I felt a lot better about the arranged marriage, but obviously it wasn’t what I wanted in life. I thought that I was going to be alright, but then I met Michael in Diagon Alley a few days before getting back to school. We had a very awkward conversation and afterwards I felt miserable. I made the decision to enjoy my last term at Hogwarts to the fullest, because afterwards I was going to be married woman and my life would be completely different. I wanted to have some fun, to take my mind off the coming wedding. So, I decided to have some fun with a cute boy and when you asked me out it seemed like the perfect way to do just that.’

‘You have shown interest in me even before I have asked you out,’ James pointed out. ‘You never would have watched the try-outs otherwise.’

‘Alright, you caught me,’ she said. ‘It had my eyes on you from the moment I spotted you on the platform. You were laughing with your mates and I thought that there is no better person at Hogwarts to cheer me up. I just did not want to inflate your ego.’

‘My ego has just the right size thank you very much,’ said James with a small grin on his face. It felt good to hear her say she wanted him, even though she had not been telling the full truth mere moments ago. ‘Nevertheless, your upcoming wedding leaves is us in quite a pickle, doesn’t it? To be honest I had a feeling for a while now that you were not telling me the full truth. I never would have guessed that it was because you were going to get married. I assume that this is the end of our relationship.’

‘It does not have to be,’ said Amber quickly.

‘And how is that supposed to work?’ asked James. ‘You have to marry, you have said so yourself.’

‘I know that I will have to marry Peter,’ said Amber. ‘In the beginning I thought I could just use you as a distraction. You know, a small, fun fling with no strings attached. I thought it would be just the right thing to get back on track and that it would not last long anyway. After all, the Marauders are not exactly known for their huge fondness of long term relationships. But I was wrong. I enjoyed your company more than I would have guessed and I have grown quite fond of you, James. I would like to continue seeing each other until the end of the school year. It has to end when I get married, but there is no reason for us to break-up now.’

James was taken aback at the suggestion. The idea of having a relationship for a limited amount of time was alien to him. He had to admit that he had grown quite fond of Amber as well and the thought of delaying their parting was tempting. However, Amber had admitted to using him and he could not just ignore that. Of course, he had also used her to get over Lily, but two wrongs did not make a right. He had gotten fond of her over the last month even though he had seen the warning signs. He had even called her his girlfriend mere minutes ago. It was strangely fitting that his first shot at a real relationship which did not involve Lily Evans in any way got killed before it had any chance of blooming because he picked a girl who was already engaged. The irony of it all was bitter in James’s mouth. He knew that he probably should terminate their relationship right here. It would be better to make a clean break than to drag it out until Amber left school. However, he had always been terrible at making clean breaks in his love life. The amount of time he had spent chasing Lily Evans was proof for this. Bloody Lily Evans. James could picture her smug face as soon as she learned about the end of his relationship. After the ribbing he had given her about her boyfriend, she would surely strike back given the opportunity. He had no desire to hand her any ammunition. Also, he had been happy with Amber of the last few weeks. Maybe they could be happy for a few more months. It would not be a proper relationship as they never would be able to marry or to stay together for longer than the school year, but it could be fun nevertheless. Maybe there was little harm in just giving it a try and maybe something good could grow out of this. On the other hand it would probably hurt like hell if he really fell for her and she left to marry her betrothed at the end of the year. Merlin, why was dating witches so bloody complicated? He needed some time to think this over. Maybe he should talk with Sirius about it. However, Sirius was hardly experienced in having a proper relationship. Maybe he should include Remus in this conversation as well. His werewolf friend actually had relationships even though they never lasted long. Yes, he needed some time and some advice to sort out this mess. Otherwise, he was going to be burned. Merlin, he really had a terrible love life.

‘So, what do you say?’ asked Amber, after he had not said anything for a while. She looked anxious at his response. For some reason, it made him angry.

‘I think you should go,’ he said. Her face fell. ‘I need some time to think.’

‘Of course,’ she said. ‘Find me when you have mulled it over.’

She gathered her clothes, dressed quickly and snuck out of the room. James knew that he should get up too and do anything productive to clear his head, but he did not have the energy. Instead, he lay back on the soft mattress and slipped into uneasy sleep.

* * * * *

Two days later, James was sitting in the library and tried to focus on his charms essay. Remus had dragged him into this accursed room which James normally avoided at all costs. The hushed, tense atmosphere made him nervous. Even though he like to work in silence, he was much better at focusing his thoughts in the loud common room than in the dusty room with the overzealous librarian. It did not help that Lily Evans was sharing a table next to them with her boyfriend. She had politely greeted Remus, but had given James only a cold look. Apparently, she was still miffed with him. James did not really care. The strange situation with Amber had wiped Lily Evans from his mind for the moment. He could only focus some part of his mind on girls at a time and Amber was taking more than her fair share. He had not yet discussed the situation with Sirius or Remus. Sirius was currently very busy. If he was not off fooling around with some bird, he was playing Quidditch or stalking some Slytherins. Sirius had taken Remus’s advice and had managed to avoid landing himself in detention for the last month. However, this did not mean that he was breaking less school rules. Instead, he simply spent much more energy on not getting caught. He had started to spy on Snape’s doings both with the help of the Marauders Map and James’s invisibility cloak.

As Sirius had suspected, Snape seemed to have taken Regulus under his wings and both of them were spending a lot of time with the more shady Slytherin students like Avery and Muliciber. James knew that Sirius was furious about this. Sirius would not admit it, but James knew that his best friend actually cared about his brother and had hoped that he would follow his older brother’s footsteps. Watching his little brother become everything he hated must be terrible for Sirius. Given his hatred for Snape, it was very easy for Sirius to place all of the blame on the greasy Slytherin. James knew that Regulus probably believed in blood purity himself and he considered it unlikely that Snape had such an intense influence on Regulus. Still, he could understand Sirius. His best mate had covertly hexed Snape twice already in the past two weeks. Snape had retaliated just last week, hexing Sirius while James and Sirius were on their way back to their common room after Quidditch practice. He had hit Sirius with a nasty cutting charm, before retreating and vanishing in a secrete passage. Sirius had wanted to rush after him, but James had stopped him. James had suspected an ambush at the end of the passage. They had rushed back to their common room to get the other Marauder’s and to grab the map. However, at the time they had activated the map, Snape was back in his common room with the other junior Death Eaters. Sirius had grumbled over the missed opportunity to hex Snape for days and had insisted on retaliation. However, James had gotten him to lay low for a while, so that they could come up with a proper plan. Sirius had grudgingly agreed, but his best friend was not a very patient person.

James himself would prefer not to retaliate at all. He loathed Snape and had enjoyed hexing him in the past, but Sirius had started this mess and continuing to aggravate Snape would not help them in any way. However, there was no way his best friend would agree to letting it slide. He would just have to make sure that Sirius did not go overboard with his revenge and that they would not get caught. He sighed. His life seemed to grow more complicated with each passing day.

‘Are you alright?’ asked Remus quietly. ‘We have sat here for half an hour and you have not even written half a page of parchment. I know that you don’t like charms, but usually you are much faster than this.’

‘I can’t concentrate on charms right now,’ said James. ‘I am worried about Sirius’s vendetta with Snape. I think this will get ugly very soon if we don’t find a way to break the circle. Sirius is not known for his restraint and Snape has used some nasty curses in the past. Personally, I think we should just let it slide, but Sirius will never accept it.’

‘You are right, he will not,’ said Remus. ‘Sirius can be very vindictive and stubborn. I don’t think that you can talk him out of taking revenge on Snape. Is this still about Regulus?’

‘Yeah,’ said James. He glanced at Evans on the next table just to make sure that she was not listening. He did not know how she felt about Snape since their falling out at the end of last year. Still, it was better to play it safe and to keep her out of this whole mess. He had had enough arguments with her about the slimy git for a life time. ‘Sirius has hexed Snape because he supposedly is corrupting Regulus. He tried to be discreet, but Snape did the math and figured out it was one of us.’

‘I remember,’ said Remus. ‘This was the cause for the trouble a few days ago, right? Sirius is naive if he thinks that hexing Snape will bring his brother back to the light.’

‘I know,’ said James. ‘And I think deep down Sirius knows this as well. He just wants to do something, even if it is futile in the end.’

‘Understandable,’ said Remus. ‘Still, fighting a war with Snape is the wrong way to go. Do you think you will be able to talk him out of it?’

‘Can’t you try?’ asked James. ‘I feel like I am holding Sirius’s leash all the time.’

‘You know that Sirius will not listen to me,’ said Remus. ‘The only person he sometimes listens to is you. And you are feeling like you are holding his leash all the time, because you are.’

‘Alright, alright,’ sighed James. ‘I will try to talk some sense into him, but I doubt that I will be successful.’

‘Thank you,’ said Remus and focused his attention back on his essay. James followed his lead, but he was still too preoccupied to do school work. Amber was swirling around in his head. He still was unsure what to do with her. A part of him just wanted to make a clean break and be done with it while another wanted to hold onto their relationship for as long as possible.

Five minutes later Remus noticed that James was still not working properly on his essay.

‘Alright, what’s eating you?’ he asked. ‘It isn’t just Sirius, right?’

‘No,’ admitted James. ‘There is something else. I had a rather interesting conversation with Amber some time ago. She told me some things about her and I am not sure what to do know.’

‘Are you sure, you don’t want to talk with Sirius about this?’ asked Remus. ‘He has the most experience in wooing the fairer sex.’

‘I wanted to, but I never managed to trap him into a proper conversation,’ said James. ‘But I think you might be even more helpful here than him. Sirius usually only shags a girl a couple of times before moving on. You actually have proper relationships.’

‘Which only lasts a month or two,’ said Remus dryly. He had lowered his voice even more so that James had to strain his ears to properly understand him. ‘I cannot risk anyone discovering my secret. I am not sure how I can help you, Prongs. I don’t believe in true love or serious relationships, but you do. Just because I don’t use girls like Sirius does, does not mean that I can help you with a relationship problem.’

‘I know Remus,’ said James. ‘I completely understand your position. Some secrets cannot be shared even with your girlfriend. At least not without taking certain security measures. The thing is, maybe your cold logic is exactly what I need in my situation. Normally, I would simply listen to my gut, but my feelings are too conflicted to form a proper picture. Your analytical view should be more helpful here.’

‘Alright,’ said Remus. ‘I am listening, but I am not making a promises.’

‘Thank you,’ said James and explained the situation to his friend. After he was done, Remus had a stunned expression on his face and did not say anything for a few minutes.

‘Well?’ asked James. ‘What do you think?’

‘Wow,’ said Remus. ‘That’s definitely something. I think the right course of action depends on you, James.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, it is obvious that Amber and you don’t have a future together. This implies that you should not get too attached to her as you will only hurt more in the end if you do. If you have enough control over your emotions to have sex with her without falling in love, then you can keep casually dating her. You should probably already prepare moving on, though. If you cannot suppress your feelings like this, you should make a clean break now and prevent getting dragged down by this mess.’

‘That’s cold, Remus,’ said James. ‘But I guess it is what I asked for.’

‘Happy to be of service,’ said Remus with a small grin on his face. ‘I am sorry that it is not the magical solution to all your problems which have hoped for. I am just concerned that you tie yourself up in yet another impossible relationship. You were chasing Lily for ages and now that you have finally moved on, you should not enter a doomed relationship with Amber.’

‘Yeah, you are right,’ said James sighing. ‘Do you know what the worst part is? I think that Amber and I could have been very happy. Well, maybe in another life.’

‘Nobody can have everything,’ said Remus gently. ‘Not even you, James.’

‘I have only wanted one thing for a very long time,’ said James his eyes drifting to Lily at the neighbouring table. ‘And I have never gotten her. I have accepted defeat and tried to be a better person and I all get for my trouble is a relationship with a girl which is already engaged to another man. Just my bloody luck.’

‘Sadly, we don’t always get what we deserve,’ said Remus wisely. ‘Whatever plan the universe has for us, it does not follow any rules we could understand.’

‘The universe can go f*ck itself,’ grumbled James. ‘Well, enough wallowing in self-pity. I will think about this your advice and make my decision. What’s going on with your life? You have been rather absent during the last weeks. Are you seeing someone?’

‘You know I am not seeing anyone,’ said Remus. ‘I don’t do relationships as you should know.’

‘I am not talking about relationships,’ said James. ‘I am talking about simply enjoying a girl’s company. And her body, of course.’

‘You are confusing me with Sirius,’ said Remus.

‘That’s not a no,’ remarked James. ‘And no, I am not confusing you with Sirius. Sirius gets bored with girls after shagging them once or twice. You are monogamous by nature and under better circ*mstances would have proper relationships. You fancy a girl and you start fooling around. This goes on for some months and then you break things off. I have seen the signs, show just spit it out. Who’s the lucky girl?’

‘Fine, fine,’ said Remus. ‘You have caught me. I have been sharing some quality time with Emmeline Vance. But it is not a relationship. I have been very clear on that part. How did you know? You are usually not that observant.’

‘Not that observant?’ asked James indignantly. ‘I am observant enough to notice on my own that one of my friends has a new girlfriend, thank you very much.’

‘You saw it on the map, didn’t you?’ said Remus with narrowed eyes.

‘Yes,’ admitted James.

‘So, why did you even ask me if you already knew?’ asked Remus.

‘I wanted to hear you say it,’ said James. ‘I think you should talk more about your love life. Especially regarding your special situation. Maybe we can help you see solutions for problems you could not see.’

‘I appreciate the thought, but I am not as public with me love life as you are, Prongs,’ said Remus. ‘And I highly doubt that you can think of a miracle solution for my furry little problem.’

‘Well, you can never know,’ said James loftily. ‘Anyway, I have to get out of here. I cannot study tonight, there is too much on my mind. I am going for a run.’

‘It is raining outside,’ said Remus, pointing to the windows where the November rain was tapping against the glass. ‘You are going to get a cold.’

‘Rubbish,’ said James. ‘A warming and an impervious charm and I will be fine. I have done this countless times in the past and I have never gotten sick.’

‘Alright then, do as you must,’ said Remus. ‘But you should really do your homework later. The charms essay is due in two days.’

‘Will do,’ said James. ‘Thanks for the advice, Remus.’

‘Not at all.’

James got up, grabbed his things and left the library. He was going to clear his head and mull things over. Tomorrow he would make his decision and tell Amber. He had spent too much time on this issue already.

* * * * *

On the next day, shortly after dinner, James was waiting for Amber on the Astronomy tower. He had sent her a quick note after breakfast and asked her to meet him here. At this time, they should be able to have a private conversation without getting overheard. She had already replied and said that she would be there. James was looking forward to seeing her again. He had missed her, even though it had only been three days. He wondered if she had missed him too. The speed of her response might be a sign that she did, but he could not be sure. James stepped out of the tower onto the platform where they normally gazed at the stars. He fumbled into his pocket and grabbed a package of muggle cigarettes. He lit them with his wand and took a long drag. They tasted different from wizarding one’s. James was unsure which one he liked more. He looked up at the sky while exhaling and watched the blue smoke vanish in the starry sky. He had thought long and hard about his situation after his talk with Remus. A long run and a night’s sleep had helped in making his decision. Now he only had to tell Amber. He felt better now that he had over the last few days. While there still was some doubt simmering in him, he was still determined. He was about to take a risk, but he had always been a bit of a gambler.

His cigarette was half gone when he heard footsteps. A few moments later, he could hear Amber’s voice in the tower.

‘James?’ she asked. ‘Where are you?’

‘Out here,’ said James. She joined him on the platform mere seconds later. James looked at her. She was looking very pretty in her snug school uniform. Her blonde curls tumbled down her head. In the moon light they looked almost silver.

‘Smoking again?’ she said with a raised eyebrow. ‘I thought you wanted to cut back.’

‘I want to do a lot of things,’ said James, before taking another things. ‘Sadly, things don’t always happen like I want them to happen.’

‘Nobody always gets what he wants,’ said Amber, echoing Remus’s words from yesterday. ‘But you did not ask me to come here just so that we could speculate about the nature of life, did you?’

‘No, I did not,’ said James. ‘I asked you here to talk about our relationship.’

‘I thought so,’ said Amber. ‘Have you made a decision? I meant what I said that night. I think we could have a lot of fun together even though I will get married in the summer.’

‘I agree,’ said James. ‘I cannot pretended that I am not... disappointed about you getting married. But I get that you wanted some fun and that you started to hit on me on a whim.’

‘I am not proud of what I did,’ said Amber. ‘I never wanted to hurt you.’

‘You haven’t,’ said James. Maybe she would hurt him in the future, though. ‘To be honest, I was using you as a way to get over someone.’

‘Lily Evans?’ asked Amber with a knowing smile on her face.

‘Yeah,’ said James. ‘Was I that obvious?’

‘Your attraction to her is well known in the school,’ said Amber. ‘I can see why, she is very pretty. I think she is stupid to not give you a chance. You are a good bloke, James.’

‘I would like to believe that,’ said James smiling wryly. ‘But enough about Evans. I have thought about what to do next and I think the best way would be to just continue what we have started. When we both entered this, we wanted a carefree, fun relationship with no strings attached. So, let’s do just this. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend. We are friends with benefits. And when you leave school and marry your fiancé we simply drop the benefits and are just friends.’

‘That sounds great,’ said Amber with a smile on her face. ‘I think we can have a lot of fun together. However, we should be careful: Being friend with benefits can be very confusing at times. Often one partner ends up wanting more and everything falls apart. I think I am rather save as I have a fiancé waiting for me and have accepted my fate by now. You are more at risk as you don’t have a girlfriend or a girl waiting for you when I am gone. I don’t want to hurt you, James.’

‘I know,’ said James trying to sound convinced. He was not sure whether we succeeded. He knew that he was entering dangerous and uncharted territory. He just hoped that it was the right decision.

‘Everything will be fine,’ said Amber with an encouraging smile on her face. She stepped closer to him. Suddenly she was so close that James could see every one of her eye lashes. They were very lush, he wondered why he never noticed them before. She took the almost completely burned down cigarette out of James’s mouth and tossed it over the balcony of the tower.

‘I was not done smoking that,’ James said, more to himself than to Amber.

‘I don’t care,’ said Amber before kissing him soundly on the lips. It was surprisingly easy to lose himself in her afterwards. James knew that he was on a dangerous path, but he could not bring himself to care.

Chapter 6

Chapter Text

In the middle of December, James was sitting at breakfast, demolishing a steaming bowl of porridge. The rest of the Marauders sat with him as well as Marlene. Remus was looking dead on his feet already, his upcoming transformation was casting its shadow. The full moon was tonight and Remus would got to the Hospital Wing after dinner so that Madam Pomfrey could bring him to the Whomping Willow. As usual, the marauders would join him later in their animal forms. James was looking forward to tonight. They had plans to explore the western end of the forest where they suspected a centaur shrine. Since he had adopted his more rule abiding life style, their monthly outings was one of the few occasions to indulge his rebellious side. To his right, Sirius was reading yesterday’s evening edition of the Daily Prophet while sipping his strong black coffee. James had never cared for the taste himself, he strongly preferred a nice coup of tea with some milk, but his best mate drank coffee as though it was water. James had the strong suspicions that Sirius had started drinking the bitter liquid because it was considered a working class drink in pure-blood circles. Without a doubt Sirius’s mother would have disapproved if she could see Sirius now. Sirius had just flipped a page when he cursed loudly at whatever was written in the newspaper.

‘Really Black, someone should wash out that filthy mouth of yours,’ said Marlene.

‘If you want a taste of my filthy mouth all you have to do is ask,’ Sirius shot back, ignore James’s jab into the rips. ‘They have found three dead aurors in Nottingham yesterday. All of them were killed using the killing curse and the dark mark was floating above the scene. Apparently, they were all part of the special task force dealing with this nutter Voldemort and his cronies.’

‘Bloody hell,’ said James. ‘They are hunting down Aurors now? This is really getting out of hand. Apparently, hunting defenceless Muggles is not enough anymore.’

‘Who is going to protect us if the aurors can’t protect themselves?’ asked Peter. ‘If this keeps up the population will panic.’

‘A lot of people are panicking already,’ said Remus darkly. ‘As long as only Muggle were attacked, it was rather easy to ignore the problem. Now that members of the magically community are getting killed, people will have to face reality.’

‘Were the aurors pure-bloods?’ asked James.

‘No,’ said Sirius. ‘All three of them were half-bloods. It seems that they stick to their principles and try to prevent spilling pure blood. Not that there are many pure-bloods working as executive aurors, mind you. It merely could be coincidence.’

James grabbed the newspaper from Sirius and quickly scanned the article.

‘It does not sound like a coincidence, but rather like a planned attack,’ said James. ‘They are getting bold. This is a challenge to the Ministry. This conflict is going to get even uglier in the future.’

‘Do you think the Ministry is going to crack down on the Death Eaters?’ asked Sirius. ‘I mean it is not that hard to figure out who in the community supports them. Look at scum like the Malfoys, Snape, Avery and Mulciber. Hell, look at my bloody parents. I say you should arrest all of the pure-blood maniacs and call it a day. Problem solved.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ said James. ‘Arrest them on what exactly? Their reputation or their disgusting opinions? Just because a lot of them are bigots it does not mean that they actually support this nutter. We can’t just throw away our principles just because we face an immoral enemy. We would be no better than them. My father told me last year that some members of the Ministry want to allow the aurors to use the Unforgiveable Curses so that they can properly fight the Death Eaters. This is madness! There is a reason these curses are unforgiveable. They are foul magic which we should fight and not employ just because it is convenient.’

‘You are an idealist, James,’ said Sirius. ‘You cannot win a fair fight against a cheating opponent. You have to level the playing field and if that means using some dark curses, then you have to do it. You can argue about what the moral cause of action would have been after you have won. If you are too squeamish to do what is necessary, then the bad guys will win just because they are less hampered by their morals.’

‘That’s an incredibly cynical way to think,’ said Marlene. ‘James is right about this. We cannot lower ourselves to their level. Otherwise we will lose anyway, no matter who wins the war in the end as we will have given up our very identity and become more like the people we were trying to fight in the first place.’

‘That could happen,’ agreed Remus. ‘I remember a passage from the muggle philosophe Friedrich Nietzsche: ‘He who fights too long against dragons becomes a dragon himself’. We should be careful about what we are willing to do to fight Voldemort and his cronies.’

Stunned silence followed his statement.

‘What?’ asked Remus after a while. ‘Am I not allowed to read a Muggle book?’

‘Not just a Muggle book,’ said James. ‘A Muggle book about philosophy. That’s is hardly what most sixteen year old wizards would read without being forced.’

‘This reminds me of the bloody boring books about the philosophy behind blood purity which my parents made me read,’ said Sirius shuddering. ‘I like the sound of this Nietzsche bloke a lot more than that rubbish. Becoming a dragon would be very neat, don’t you think?’

‘That’s not what he was trying to say,’ said Remus rolling his eyes.

‘Oh who cares,’ said Sirius. ‘I still believe that we have been too lenient with this Death Eater scum. I am sick and tired of Death Eaters killing and murdering innocent people. It seems to me that the bloody ministry does not even care too much. My guess is that all the purists in the Ministry work for Voldemort and try to hamper any actions taken against him.’

‘It certainly is possible,’ said James. ‘The Ministry has always been mostly under the control of pure-bloods. While most of these are decent people, others take their blood purity very seriously. Some of them think that Voldemort has the right idea. They probably don’t support him directly, as this would require actually taking a side and revealing their true colours, but they might be influencing the Ministry anyway to make it easier for this nutter to take over. If they play their hand just right, they can deny ever being involved with the Death Eaters if the Ministry is the victor while still being able to pass as a supporter if Voldemort wins.’

‘How very clever of them,’ said Marlene, her pretty face twisted with disgust. ‘They are just a bunch of old bigot cowards.’

‘It is the way the world works,’ said Sirius. ‘Changing it to the better will take time and you need to understand the current state before you can change it. From their perspective it is a logical reaction to the current situation. They don’t care about Muggles and Muggle-Borns, they probably don’t even know any. They just want to keep their money and their power and they see Voldemort as a way to do just that. They feel threatened by the growing influence of Muggle-Borns and Half-Bloods in the Ministry.’

‘I don’t see much of a growing influence,’ said Remus, furrowing his brows. ‘The top jobs are still taken by members of the old pure-blood families. It seems to me that their worries are not really in touch with reality.’

‘It is a subtle process,’ said Sirius. ‘Of course the top jobs are still taken by the old families, because you need connections and lots of money to get them. But new players enter the game every day and most of them are half-bloods. For example Henry Reed, the current vice president of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement is a half-blood. He made a fortune in trading potion supplies before he entered politics and apparently has a lot of Ministry workers in his pocket. Naturally, most pure-bloods view him as unworthy of his title and would like him gone, but they like his money well enough to support him. If you are useful enough, they will forget all about your dirty blood and will trip over themselves to do you a favour. That’s just the way it is.’

‘How do you know so much about this stuff?’ asked Peter. ‘They don’t print this kind of stuff in the Daily Prophet.’

‘My father loves to complain about all the riff-raff in the Ministry during dinner,’ said Sirius. ‘I may be a blood traitor and a disgrace to my family, but I am still expected to be present at dinner. It is close to torture to spend time in presence of my dear family, but sometimes you learn some useful gossip.’

‘Sirius is right,’ said James. ‘His story matches what I have learned from my parents. They are retired, but they still know a lot of people. The different pure-blood families have always jockeyed for the best positions in the Ministry. It has always been a tough game and nobody is happy about new players entering, especially if you consider them beneath you.’

‘You two talk as though a revolution is in place,’ said Remus. ‘In reality nothing really changes. It does not really matter who is vice president of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and his blood status is even more irrelevant. People get worked up over nothing while the real danger is the murderous lunatic who walks free.’

‘Yeah, it is pretty messed up,’ said James. ‘You are right, Remus. For most peoples it does not really matter what’s going in the Ministry. However, it matters to the pure-blood elite. Voldemort is smart enough not to target them until he has grown strong enough. In the meantime he picks on Muggles and Muggle-borns because he knows that the elite does not really care about them.’

‘But he has already targeted some pure-bloods,’ said Marlene. ‘Remember the Murder of the Bones’s this summer? They were Pure-bloods, rich and well connected in the community.’

‘I remember very well,’ said James his mood darkening. He remembered his father’s face when he had told him about the murder. There had been cold fury in his face and James had understood then for the first time in his life, why many people had been afraid of his father when he had been head of the Auror office. ‘They were their first pure-blood victims and a test of their power. The Bones’s were pushing for Muggle-born rights and apparently angered the Death Eaters enough that they decided to kill them even though it was much more risky than their past exploits. And they got away with it as well. Nobody has been arrested for this murder and even now the Ministry is not cracking down on the Death Eaters as hard as it could. It probably is going to become worse.’

‘It is about time that we are done with school,’ said Sirius. ‘I am itching to get out there and help fight this scum. School feels like a waste of time when good people are dying out there.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ said Remus. ‘What good would you do out there? You are sixteen Sirius! You might be a highly gifted student, but you would be no match for a Death Eaters. Even the aurors struggle against them and they are actually trained in catching dark wizards. All you would do is get yourself killed. If you want to make a change, finish school and become and auror later.’

‘You underestimate me Moony,’ said Sirius. ‘I know more than enough about dark wizards to catch a few of them. And in contrast to the aurors I actually care and I don’t take orders from anyone. I would bet you ten galleons that a lot of investigations get killed at a high level to protect influential pure-blood families. I am quite sure that you would find quite a few interesting things if you raided Mulciber Manor for example.’

‘So, what do you suggest?’ asked Remus. ‘Becoming some vigilante or some militia kicking up all kind of dirt to catch some Death Eaters? Do I have to tell you how dangerous this would be? You would get hunted down by both the Death Eaters and the Ministry within weeks.’

‘Why would the Ministry hunt people fighting against You-Know-Who?’ asked Peter. ‘Shouldn’t they be happy that someone supports them in this fight?’

‘It is not that easy,’ said James. ‘By law the Ministry is the only organization in Britain tasked with catching criminals and putting them to justice. If people start taking justice into their own hands, the power of the Ministry is in danger. They want to prevent this at all costs. In my opinion this is the main reason why they care about the Death Eaters. They threaten the Ministry’s power by dispensing their own twisted form of justice and thereby undermine the Ministry itself. I guess that most aurors care about the murders, but I doubt that the high ranking politicians care.’

‘I see,’ said Peter. ‘But it is still foolish to care about who gets to fight when we are danger of losing this fight. We should unite and defeat the Death Eaters before they crush us. It people volunteer to fight let them. Maybe the Ministry can guide them a bit.’

‘I disagree,’ said Remus. ‘Only a small part of the population is really equipped to fight the Death Eaters and the Ministry should not encourage people into throwing their lives away, just because they think it is the right thing to do. If normal people or even students like us try to fight the Death Eaters we will get slaughtered. We cannot help the Ministry. Instead, we should focus on staying out of danger and on our grades. When we are done with school and this war still continues, then we can become aurors and get directly involved.’

‘It feels like we are going in circles,’ said Sirius. ‘We have been over this before. Let’s just agree to disagree. In each case, I will join the fight as soon as I am done with this bloody school. I won’t permit the Dark Arts to take over the Wizarding World.’

The others were saved from commenting on Sirius’s plan by the arrival of the post owls. James knew that Sirius’s detest for the Dart Arts and for blood purists was largely fuelled by the horrid experiences he had made with his family. James admired him for his resolve and determination. He himself was not sure what he would do after he was done with Hogwarts. He had little desire to fight dark wizards on a daily basis. He knew that Voldemort had to be stopped, but he felt far too young and too inexperienced to consider himself part of this war. After all, he had his own family to worry about. His parents were old and he was an only child. He should not place himself in any unnecessary risks. Also, from a selfish point of view he was not that threatened by the Death Eaters. He probably would be fine as long as he stayed on the side lines and did not get involved. Assuming of course that they would let him stay on the side line. James assumed that not all of Voldemort’s followers had joined him willingly. Surely, he had threatened and strong armed various wizards to gain their support. With terror rising in the population it would become more and more easy for him to intimidate people into obeying him. James expected that especially pure-bloods would be targeted as Voldemort considered them the most worthy part of the Wizarding World. If James was unlucky he would be confronted with the tough choice of either joining the Death Eaters or risking his own life as well as his parents. James liked to believe that he would never join the Death Eaters no matter what offer Voldemort made him or what horrible things he would threaten him with. However, he knew that it was easy to be noble as long as you were only pondering hypothetical situations. If push came to shove who knew what he would find himself capable of doing? Sirius gave a shout which rose James from his dark thoughts. His best mate had received two letters and had already torn open the first one.

‘What is it?’ asked Remus.

‘Bloody hell,’ said Sirius. ‘It’s my uncle Alphard. He... passed away yesterday.’

‘sh*te mate, I am so sorry,’ said James. ‘I never met the man but from what I have heard he seemed like a decent bloke. Does it say how he died?’

‘Heart attack,’ said Sirius. ‘Apparently, he died in his sleep. His house elf found him in the morning. And there is more: It says here that he left me everything.’

‘Everything?’ asked Peter. ‘His gold?’

‘Yes, his gold,’ said Sirius. ‘It is sealed away in a special account in Gringrotts. I will gain full access when I become seventeen.’

‘Who much is it?’ asked Peter eagerly, ignoring Remus’s scandalized look.

‘More than enough,’ said Sirius. ‘Alphard was one of the richest Blacks around.’

‘Were the two of you close?’ asked Marlene. ‘I think I have heard you mentioning sometimes.’

‘More or less,’ said Sirius. ‘Alphard is, no was, a black sheep. He was a Ravenclaw and never bought into the whole blood purity nonsense the rest of the family considered key to being a pure-blood. He kept to himself and distanced himself from the family, but he was never disowned as he had a lot of money. Even the most radical purist in my family did not want to antagonize one of our most wealthy family members. So, they gritted their teeth and endured him. I wonder what they are thinking now. They will be furious when they learn that Alphard left his money to me. They probably have already been counting their galleons. To be honest, I am a bit surprised that he left the money to me. I have rarely met him and while he was always kind to me, I assumed that this was just the way he was with everybody. I remember that he was quite excited when he learned that I had been sorted into Gryffindor. But I never would have guessed that he considered me fit to be his heir.’

‘Does he have any children?’ asked Marlene.

‘No,’ said Sirius. ‘He was always a bit of a loner to be honest. No wife, no kids, I think he was content with his work. He was a very gifted potion master and spent most of his days experimenting with all kind of brews. While most of his money was inherited, he also made a tidy sum selling rare and difficult potions.’

‘Sounds like he wanted to pass one the money to someone who did not buy into the blood purity nonsense,’ said James. ‘Everybody knows that you don’t, so he probably considered you the most worthy person.’

‘Yeah, maybe,’ said Sirius. ‘The funerals is in two days. I will have to ask Dumbledore for permission, so I can attend. It’s the least I can do for the old man. Blimey, I will probably run into my bloody family there as well. They will probably come to pay their respects even though they never respected him while he still lived. Bunch of bloody hypocrites!’

‘I am sure the headmaster will give you permission,’ said Remus. ‘As far as I know he has always granted similar requests in the past.’

‘And if he doesn’t you can still sneak out of school and we will cover for you,’ said James. Sirius gave a small smile while Remus looked rather put off by the suggestion.

‘I thought you were going to keep your nose clean this year,’ said Remus to James. ‘How does sneaking out of school fit into this?’

‘Relax, Remus,’ said James. ‘I said that I will try to keep my nose clean. However, helping a mate overrides this. If Sirius needs my help and I have to get myself into trouble in the process, I will not hesitate for an instant. That’s what being mates is all about.’

‘Very noble, Prongs,’ said Sirius sarcastically, but James could see a grateful look in his mate’s eye. Sirius has always been bad at showing affection, probably due to his upbringing, so he tended to veil his feelings in snarky comments. At first, James he been put off by this habit, but he had quickly realized the truth and know simply considered it part of Sirius’s character. ‘I don’t need your help to sneak out of school and you know it. So, don’t worry about me and keep your nose clean. Anyway, I still have another letter to open. Let’s see what we have here.’

He reached for the envelope and studied it for a moment. James could see his face grow grim as he studied the writing and the style of the letter. The envelope was a velvety black and Sirius’s name was written on it with elegant silver script. James thought he had seen this kind of letter before. Then Sirius flipped it around and James could see the Black family seal stamped on the backside of the letter. Now he knew why his best mate’s mood had soured so quickly. In Sirius’s case a letter from home never brought good news. In conjunction with Alphard’s death, James readied himself for the worst. Sirius broke the letter’s seal and extracted a small piece of parchment. He scanned it quickly, fury growing on his face with every line he passed. Whatever was written in the letter obviously wasn’t good. When he was done, he set the parchment on fire with his wand. The letter burned quickly and was reduced to ash within a minute. For a moment nobody spoke.

‘Trouble at home?’ asked James.

‘You could say that,’ growled Sirius. ‘My c*nt of a mother wastes no times.’

‘Sirius!’ said Marlene. ‘Mind your language! How dare you call your own mother such a foul name?’

‘If you had ever met her, you would congratulate me for this fitting assessment of my dear mother,’ said Sirius darkly. ‘In each case, you should mind your own business. I have never listened to my parents and I will not listen to you when you attempt to lecture me.’

‘Alright, settle down,’ said James when Marlene was about to protest against Sirius dismissing her like that. ‘What did that letter say? Will she come to the funeral as well?’

‘Oh yes,’ said Sirius. ‘She made it very it clear that she and the rest of the family is going to be there. And she does not want me to come.’

‘What?’ asked Remus. ‘Why ever not?’

‘She said that it is not appropriate as I bring shame to my family,’ snorted Sirius. ‘She said that she did not want me to cause trouble at the funeral because Alphard deserved better. As if she actually cared what he wanted. She only cares about my presence at the funeral because of the inheritance. She does not want me there as she does not want me to tell everybody that I am going to inherit Alphard’s money. She wants to seize control of the money for herself quietly. It is an insult to her that her disappointing son receives a huge amount of Galleons while she is not getting anything. But I am going to foil her plans. I am going to this funeral and I am going to tell everyone that Alphard left the money to me.’

‘She wants to seize the inheritance?’ asked James. ‘I don’t think she can do that. Alphard certainly made sure that his will was well crafted. Maybe she is just trying to rile you up.’

‘Well, she has succeeded,’ said Sirius through gritted teeth. ‘I don’t know what exactly she is trying to do, but she wrote in the letter that she was going to take this money away from me. My best guess is that she wants to seize control of the account as I am still underage and will only be able to access it when I turn seventeen. If she can do this, the money will be gone in a heartbeat and I will never see a single knut. Merlin’s balls, I hate this woman!’

‘That’s perfectly understandable, but you have to keep a cool head,’ said Remus. ‘You should probably get an expert opinion on this. If there is anything you can do a good lawyer will find it and help you keep your money.’

‘I am underage and don’t have any money besides pocket change,’ said Sirius. ‘No lawyer is going to help me fight my family. The fallout they could catch is simply too much. My family will make sure that no one of their friends is going to hire any lawyer, who has agreed to help me, ever again. Being a lawyer for such an old family is a highly respected position where you can earn a lot of money. Only very few lawyers will risk offending such potent customers.’

‘Don’t worry about this, mate,’ said James. ‘A close friend of my father is a very good wizarding lawyer. I am sure that he will help you if my father asks him. We are going to take care of the costs and he will be very discreet.’

‘I can’t let you do that, Prongs,’ said Sirius. ‘That’s too much money and too big a favour to ask.’

‘Nonsense,’ said James. ‘What is money good for if you can’t use it to help your friends? Just consider it a loan. You can pay us back when you turn seventeen and get access to your own gold.’

‘I will pay back every last knut as soon as I got the money,’ said Sirius with a determined look on his face. ‘I hate my bloody family! Why do they have to fight me whenever they get the chance? Can’t they just accept that I am different then they are? Whenever our rotten family produces someone decent they try everything they can to make his life a living hell. It was the same for Andromeda until she cut ties with them. I just can’t believe it. I can’t wait until I am seventeen so I can get out of there.’

‘You can always crash at our place if things get too tense,’ said James. ‘My parents don’t mind having so around. Hell, my mother almost considers you a second son.’

‘I know,’ said Sirius. ‘And I am forever grateful. I just wish it was not necessary.’

Silence followed his statement and for a moment they all focused on their breakfast while mulling over Sirius’s situation. A few minutes later the serene atmosphere was pierced be some unwelcome company. Snape had appeared at the Gryffindor table, with Regulus Black following on his heels.

‘Well, Black, did you enjoy your letters?’ Snape sneered. ‘Your young brother just told me of your uncle’s passing. I am heartbroken. Hopefully, you have not made any plans for the money he left you yet. From what I have heard, you are going to lose it within the next few days. I suppose it is for the best. You have no sense of responsibility and would just squander it. Your mother is right in placing it under her control.’

Sirius did not answer. Instead he just drew his wand and rose from the table. Snape smirked grew ever more malicious.

‘What Black, are you going to hex me in the great hall?’ he asked tauntingly. ‘Almost all of the teachers are here. With a bit of luck you may be able to cast a spell before they break it up. Maybe I will be lucky and they will finally decide that you have caused enough trouble and will expel you.’

‘What makes you think I care about getting expelled?’ asked Sirius, his wand pointed firmly at Snape’s face who had not yet drawn his own wand.

‘Sirius, back down,’ said Remus. ‘You are going to get into trouble.’

‘Yes, listen to Lupin,’ said Snape with a sneer on his face. ‘He always was much smarter than you are, Black. Look at you raising at the bait even though there is no way you can get your revenge.’

‘You should not underestimate my cunning, Snivellus,’ said Sirius. ‘I am sick and tired of you messing with me. I am going to make you pay! You will see the error of ever provoking me very soon.’

Snape just smiled at Sirius’s threat. James could see his best mate’s control snap and saw him open his mouth to curse Snape. Fortunately, McGonagall arrived at their table in just this moment and Sirius was still able to abort his hex.

‘What is going on here?’ she asked in brisk voice. ‘Black, put away your wand before I land you in detention.’

‘Yes, Professor,’ said Sirius. His voice was only barely controlled and continued glaring at Snape while he stuffed his wand in his packet.

‘Very good,’ said McGonagall. ‘I expect you to remember the discussion we had during our last detention, Mr. Black. I am not known for my patience and even the headmaster’s patience has limits. Now, is there anything you want to say to Mr. Black, Mr. Snape? Otherwise, I suggest that you move along. It seems that you are causing a commotion at this table.’

‘That is an excellent idea, Professor,’ said Snape, barely containing his glee. ‘We are done anyway. Come Regulus.’

He turned around and walked back to the Slytherin table with Regulus on his heels. McGonagall watched him carefully until he had retaken his seat. Then she refocused her attention on Sirius and the other Marauders.

‘I am going to let you off the hook, Mr. Black,’ she said. ‘It was obvious that you were about to curse Mr. Snape, but as you were smart enough to abort your attempts when I arrived, I am going to turn a blind eye on it.’

Sirius opened his mouth, probably to make some ungrateful comment, but James spoke up before his best mate could say anything.

‘He is very grateful, professor,’ he said to McGonagall, turning up his most charming smile. ‘It is very generous of you to let him walk away.’

‘Thank you, Potter,’ said McGonagall, before striding away to teacher table. James could have sworn that he had seen the ghost of a smile on her face at his comment, but it was always hard to tell what was going on in her mind.

‘Very smooth, James,’ said Remus with a smile on his face.

‘Sod off,’ said James good-naturedly. ‘You alright, Sirius?’

‘I am going to make Snape pay,’ said his best mate quietly, his voice cold. He had sat down again, but somehow his anger was even more frightening now. ‘I am going to enjoy making him suffer. How dares he making fun of my uncle dying? And when I am finished with him, I am going to pay my little brother a visit. The stupid git should know better than to blab anything about our family to scum like Snape.’

‘Sirius, don’t you think you are overreacting to this?’ said Remus. ‘Snape was just going to get a rise out of you. You should know by now that he uses every opportunity to provoke us. We just have to ignore him and everything will be fine.’

‘He will not dare to provoke us again, after I am done,’ said Sirius. ‘I have been too lenient with Snape. I have grown too soft, tried to hard not to get into too much trouble. Well, that is off the table know. I am going to strike back fast and hard. Snape will not know what hit him.’

‘Sirius,’ said James who was now starting to get worried. Sirius often went over the top with their pranks. Usually, Remus was there to get him back down to earth, but he did not seem in the mood to listen. Under other circ*mstances, James would let Sirius have his fun, so he could have his revenge, but he did not want to see Sirius expelled from Hogwarts. He had to shut this down now. Otherwise, Sirius’s rage would continue to simmer until he released it in some dramatic prank which would probably get him kicked out of school. ‘You have to ignore Snape. If you get caught when you retaliate you might be expelled! We all know that Snape is a bloody git and that he deserves getting put into place. But it is not worth the risk! Just imagine how gleeful the git would be if you were caught and expelled! You would just have played into his cards. Just let it go and let us focus on protecting your money rather than dealing with scum like Snape.’

‘How can you let him get away with this?’ asked Sirius, rounding on James. ‘If we don’t strike back he will consider himself untouchable and will continuing provoking us. He has been at it for quite a while now and I don’t think that he will stop. I have already listened to you once, James and I have given Snape a free pass. But I will not walk away from my revenge again. Snape had his chance and he blew it. I am going to get him back, like we would have done in the past.’

‘Sirius don’t!’ pleaded James. ‘You are right, I was wrong. Snape did not stop provoking us when we stopped retaliating. He probably thinks that we would not dare harm him, because we are too worried about the repercussions.’

‘And he obviously is right about it,’ said Sirius triumphantly. ‘The only one willing to do what is necessary is me. You and Remus don’t have the guts to stand up to Snape and don’t get me started on Peter. What the hell happened to you James? A year ago, you would have been first in line to get Snape back! I know that you are trying to be more mature to get into Evans’s knickers, but this is more important than her!’

‘This has got nothing to do with Evans, thank you very much,’ said James, his own anger rising now. Of course Evans was one of the reasons why he had decided to change his life, but she was not the only one. ‘In case you haven’t noticed, I am done with Evans and I am with Amber now. So, let’s get back to the point here. You have to back off from Snape if you want to stay in this bloody school.’

‘You will never be over Evans and you know it,’ replied Sirius sardonically. ‘And you don’t tell me what to do James! I am done listening to your advice which has not gotten the job done so far. I will do this my way and you will just have to suck it up.’

He turned around and stormed out of the Great Hall leaving the rest of the Marauders behind.

‘Wow, he is really ticked off,’ said Peter. ‘I have never seen him this angry. I feel almost sorry for Snape now. Who knows what Sirius will do to him?’

‘Bloody hell,’ said James, slamming his fist on the table. ‘Great, just great. Well, I think there is nothing we can do as long as he is this wound up. Let’s just hope that he does not do something stupid before he has calmed down.’

‘It will be alright,’ said Remus. ‘Sirius is not stupid and he knows what’s at stake. He will not seriously harm Snape.’

‘Let’s hope you are right Remus,’ said James through gritted teeth. He was still angry at Sirius about his jab at Lily. ‘I am so done with cleaning up Sirius’s mess.’

‘Come one, we have to head to Potions,’ said Peter. ‘Let’s see if Sirius feels up for the lesson.’

James stood up from the table and followed his friends out of the hall. He hoped that the lessons would take his mind off things. He was angry at Sirius and worried about him. He just hoped that things would have cooled down until the night. It was a full moon after all and he needed Sirius to focus if they wanted to do their usual exploring. He would not be able to control the werewolf for long on his own. His stag from was big and powerful, but the werewolf was well-equipped to fight deer. Damn it, why did everything have to be so bloody difficult?

Chapter 7

Chapter Text

At evening of the same day, James was pacing in their dormitory while Peter was watching him anxiously. Remus had already gone to the hospital wing. By now he was probably already in the Shrieking Shack. Under normal circ*mstances, the rest of the Marauders would already be on their way to join him. However, they were still waiting for Sirius who had disappeared after dinner and had taken the Marauder’s Map with him. His best mate had not cooled down during the day. It worried James that Sirius was out without anybody holding his leash. He was growing angrier by the minute. He was so done with Sirius’s drama! When he showed up, he would give him an earful.

‘He is going to show up,’ said Peter. ‘I know he is.’

‘I am going to kill him if he doesn’t’, growled James. ‘And he should better hurry. I don’t like leaving Moony alone for too long. He will be angrier than usual if we take too long to show up.’

‘Maybe we should play it safe tonight,’ said Peter. ‘You are not going to keep him in check if you have to worry about Sirius all the time. Maybe it would be better if the just stayed in tonight.’

‘Then we would let Remus down,’ said James, rubbing his eyes.

‘Remus would not want us to place ourselves in more danger than necessary,’ Peter pointed out. ‘He is already worried about us. He would understand, especially because he knows what an annoying prick Sirius can be.’

‘Yeah, you are probably right,’ said James. ‘Maybe it would be for the best. Damn Snape! This is all the greasy git’s fault! Why can’t he leave Sirius alone for once? I have to figure out a way to protect us from his rubbish.’

‘We should all stay as far away for Snape as possible,’ said Peter. ‘He gives me the creeps. I would bet all my chocolate frog cards that he is well versed in the dark arts.’

‘You won’t find anybody betting against you there,’ said James. ‘Even Evans seems to have realized what kind of person Snape is and she has tried so hard to see the good in him.’

‘I have never understood why she was friends with him in the first place,’ said Peter. ‘She should have realized that he was no good when she met him.’

James had no answer to this, but Sirius’s arrival interrupted the conversation anyway. His best mate had an ominous smile on his face and seemed to be in a much better mood than before.

‘It’s about time that you showed up,’ snapped James. ‘Where have you been? And where is the map?’

‘Nice to see you too, James,’ said Sirius, rolling his eyes. ‘Don’t get your knickers in a twist, I have the map right here.’

He reached into the pocket of his robe and produced the battered parchment of the Marauder’s Map. He handed it to James.

‘Alright, now let’s get ready to join Moony,’ said James without looking at the map. ‘We are already late and he probably will be angry with us when we show up. Are you up for this Sirius? I need you to be focused tonight.’

‘Oh, I am ready,’ said Sirius. ‘But I think we should wait a bit longer before going down there or maybe skip it completely tonight.’

‘Why?’ asked Peter. ‘You are usually thrilled to fool around with Remus during the full moon.’

‘Things are different tonight,’ said Sirius.

James felt a chill go down his spine at Sirius’s voice. There was something cold and dark in his friend’s usually up-beat personality.

‘Sirius, what did you do?’ he asked quietly, looking his best mate straight in the eye.

‘I did not do anything, James,’ said Sirius.

‘Don’t lie to me,’ said James angrily. ‘What did you do and why should we leave Remus alone tonight?’

‘Alright,’ said Sirius. ‘I was going to spare you the details, but if you insist. I got my revenge tonight and we should not interfere with it.’

‘Your revenge?’ asked James.

‘What did you do?’ asked Peter.

‘I gave Snape his heart’s desire,’ said Sirius, grinning darkly. ‘He is always snivelling around trying to find out where Moony is going during the full moons. Well, I thought if he wanted to know that badly, he deserved to know the truth. So, I told him.’

James suddenly felt very cold.

‘What... what did you tell him?’ he croaked at Sirius. Peter was staring at Sirius open mouthed.

‘Oh, not the full truth, obviously,’ said Sirius. ‘Snape is a git, but he is not stupid. He would stay the hell away from a werewolf. So, I just told him that if he wants to know the truth about Remus, he should go to the Whomping Willow tonight, prod the knot at the base of the tree and follow the tunnel. He seemed sceptical, but I think he will check it out.’

‘Sirius, you bloody idiot!’ cried James. He needed to check whether Snape was already on his way. Maybe the Slytherin had enough common sense not to follow a person’s advice, who obviously hated him, but James doubted it. Snape was too focused on landing them in trouble to walk away from such an opportunity. James whipped out the Marauder’s Map and quickly unlocked it. When the ink lines faded into view, he searched for the passage into the Shrieking Shack. There was no one in the tunnel and Remus was still alone. Thank Merlin, it was going to be alright! Just when he had relaxed a bit he saw a little dot labelled Severus Snape step outside the castle and his heart sank. Snape, the bloody idiot was really going to do it. He needed to stop him!

‘Bugger,’ said James. ‘I have to stop Snape, maybe there is still time. You two tell Dumbledore that Snape is on his way to Remus!’

Without waiting for his mates to say anything, James burst from the room. The common room outside was mostly empty at this late hour. Still, James felt eyes on him when he sprinted through the room and out of the portrait hole. He made a mental note to come up with a proper cover story at a later point in time. Currently, he could not be bothered with such trivialities. He sprinted down the corridor, took as many shortcuts as possible and managed to reach the front door of the caste within five minutes. It was a miracle that Filch had not caught him with the racket he had been making. It must be his lucky day after all. James stopped for a moment to catch his breath and stole another look at the Marauder’s Map to see what progress Snape was making. He cursed when he saw that Snape had entered the tunnel starting under the Whomping Willow. He needed to hurry up! Snape was probably going to take his time to explore the unfamiliar tunnel, but he was going to reach Remus soon. Hopefully the werewolf had not yet noticed him. James stuffed the Map back into his pocket and dashed on out of the castle through the deserted and dark grounds. It was a cold and rainy day and the freezing rain hit him straight in the face. He cursed, but pressed on, not even taking the time to cast a water repellent charm on himself. He could barely see in the darkness and if he had not been so familiar with the way he probably would have slipped on some root and fallen. But his good luck continued and he managed to reach the Willow in record time without any incident. The tree had reawakened by now and was squirming menacingly. Apparently, it was still irritated from being frozen. James took out his wand and lit it up with a lumos. In the dancing light of his wand, he spotted a large stick lying around which Snape had probably used to prod the knot at the base of the tree. Sadly, it was lying in reach of the bloody tree. James summoned the stick with his wand and carefully prodded the tree’s sweet spot. It froze again and James sprinted to the base of tree and climbed down into the tunnel. Down there, he took another quick glance at the map. Good, Snape still had not reached Remus, but he was close. So bloody close! James started to run again, his wand at the ready. His legs were burning with fatigue, but he ignored then and pressed on. It felt like an eternity until the door leading to the Shrieking Shack came into view. He spotted Snape who was just reaching for the doors handle.

‘Don’t!’ shouted James. He was still too far away to stop Snape, but at least he could warn him. Snape whipped around and his eyes narrowed when he spotted James. He turned around again and opened the door. It swung open and revealed the trashed living room of the Shack. James blood ran cold: There standing on a torn rug was Remus in his werewolf form, staring hungrily at Snape.

‘Impossible,’ said Snape who had frozen in horror. James increased his speed even further. He needed to get there before Remus attacked Snape! Why couldn’t the bloody git have listened to him once? He was going to kill Sirius when he was done with this. If he got out alive.

‘Run, you idiot!’ he shouted at Snape just as Remus pounced at Snape.

Snape jerked back to avoid the werewolf, but in his haste he tripped over his own feet. He crashed into the floor just in front James who barely managed to jump over him to prevent falling down. Fortunately, Snape’s fall had caused Remus’s attack to miss. Unfortunately, Remus’s attention was now focused on James.

‘Impedimenta!’ shouted James before the werewolf could attack him. The spell hit Remus and knocked him back through the door into the Shrieking Shack. James flicked his wand and it slammed shut, trapping the raging werewolf inside. James placed a locking charm on the door just in case. He could hear his friend slamming himself against the door, trying to get through. He winced at sounds. Remus was going to be badly hurt tomorrow if he kept that up. He turned around to face Snape who was still lying on the floor, a look of pure disbelief on his face. James spotted the Slytherin’s wand on the floor and picked it up. He should probably keep it until Snape had calmed down.

‘Are you alright?’ he asked Snape who was still sitting on the floor panting for breath. As far as James could tell, Remus never touched the Slytherin. Still, he needed to make sure that Snape was not hurt. With the adrenaline slowly fading from his system James realized how much trouble they could be in. Sirius would probably be expelled from Hogwarts and who knows what they were going to do with Remus. There only hope was that Snape was unhurt. He wondered whether Sirius and Peter had already told the headmaster. Under normal circ*mstances they would try to keep this from the teachers, but there was no way to contain this incident now. Snape would never help them sweep it under the rugs.

‘That was a werewolf,’ said Snape weakly.

‘Yes, I know,’ said James calmly. ‘Did it hurt you?’

‘No,’ said Snape who seemed to need some more time to wrap his head around what just happened. ‘No, I’m fine.’

‘Brilliant,’ said James who felt his knees go weak with relief. ‘Then we probably should get out of here. I am not sure that the door will keep him contained forever. He can smell us through it.’

Snape’s face went even paler and he scrambled through his feet. He took off without waiting for James who hurried after him. Occasionally, James glanced back to the entrance of the Shrieking Shack, just to make sure that Remus was still locked inside. His mind was spinning with the events of the night. It felt like a bad dream. Maybe he would wake up any second and discover that he fell asleep at some point during the day. However, he knew in his bones that this was real. He needed a drink.

When they had reached the end of tunnel leading to the Whomping Willow, Snape had calmed down enough to realize what just happened to him. He rounded towards James with a look of utter fury on his face:

‘That was Lupin,’ he snarled. ‘He is a werewolf and you knew it. ‘

‘Yes, Remus is a werewolf,’ said James. ‘And I have known about him for a long time. What are trying to imply?’

James knew of course what Snape was implying, but he would not tell Snape that Sirius had indeed tried to kill him. If that was what Sirius had been trying. James had a hard time trying to wrap his head about his best mate’s behaviour. It made no sense to him. Sirius might be vindictive, but James knew that down in his heart he was a good person. After all, he had been sorted into Gryffindor rather than into Slytherin like the rest of his family. That had to count for something. But he could worry about this later. Even though he was furious with Sirius, he would never incriminate his best mate to someone like Snape.

‘Don’t play me Potter,’ said Snape, his eyes bulging angrily. ‘You know perfectly well what I am implying. You and your best mate lured me here so that Lupin could finish me off. You have gone too far this time. Forget about expulsion! You are going to spend serious time in Azkaban and Lupin will probably get put down.’

‘I just saved you neck Snape,’ said James coolly. As he had suspected, playing dumb had no worked. So, he would just admit to what Snape already knew. ‘Some gratitude might be in order. Sirius told you to come here without my knowledge. When I learned what he had done I ran down here to prevent Remus from hurting you. I could have stepped back and let you walk straight into your own doom. But I didn’t. You owe me Snape.’

‘You only came here to safe your own neck,’ said Snape. ‘In contrast to your moron of a best friend you realized what it would mean for Lupin if he maimed me. You got cold feet and decided to stop the plan. I bet you have been in it from the start, but did not have the guts to go through with it. I have to say Potter I am almost impressed. Using my own curiosity against me and using Lupin’s condition to kill me, is a more clever and ruthless plan when I would have considered you capable of. It would befit a Slytherin.’

‘I had planned no such thing and you know it,’ replied James angrily. ‘I am nothing like you or your slimy house mates!’

‘Oh trust me Potter, I know that,’ said Snape smiling coldly. ‘Well it all comes around. You have finally overplayed your cards. I am going to enjoy watching you when they haul you off to Azkaban. You are not going to walk away from attempting to murder a fellow student.’

‘Bullocks,’ said James, even though Snape’s words send a shiver down his spine. He knew that there was no way he was going to be sent to Azkaban. After all, other than being out of bed after hours he had done nothing wrong. He would get a detention or two and be done with it. However, he had no idea what they were going to do to Sirius. If the Ministry got involved his best mate could face a trial. After all, Sirius had not even denied that he had sent Snape here. Still, James found it hard to believe that they would really sentence a member of a pure-blood family to a sentence in Azkaban for a tasteless but stupid prank. The person he was worried about the most was Remus. Who knew what the Ministry would do to him when they learned of this near miss? They would probably get him kicked out of Hogwarts, because he was considered too dangerous to the other students. James knew Remus well enough to know that Remus needed his friends. Without them he would revert back to the boy he had been before they befriended him at Hogwarts: a quiet shell of a person filled with self-loathing. Even if by some miracle he would be able to remain at Hogwarts, Remus was going to take this event to his heart. Biting another student had always been one of the Remus’s biggest fears. He was going to be devastated when he learned that Sirius had almost caused his fear to come true. James did not know whether Remus would ever forgive Sirius. He did not even know if he would ever forgive Sirius. But he could worry about all of this later. First, he had to get out of here and face Dumbledore and the other teachers. Also, he really needed to get away from Snape. If had to endure the ungrateful git any longer he was bound to hex him or to punch him in the face.

‘Nobody is going to be sent to Azkaban, Snape,’ he said. ‘Now let’s get moving. You should think about tonight the next time you decided to stick your large nose into our business. Next time you might not be as lucky.’

‘We will see about this,’ said Snape, but fortunately he started to climb the tunnel without continuing their argument even longer. Peter was waiting for them outside when they left the tunnel.

‘Sirius will be around soon,’ he said breathlessly. ‘He went to fetch Dumbledore and sent me down here to help you. Are you alright?’

‘We are fine,’ said James before Snape could say anything. ‘I got there in time and locked Remus in the shack before he could do Snape any harm. We are all going to be alright.’

‘Oh, thank Merlin,’ said Peter, going limp with relief. ‘I thought we had seriously messed up this time. Should we wait here or get back to the castle?’

‘I think we should move,’ said James. ‘It’s still raining and it’s cold. Dumbledore is going to find us no matter where in Hogwarts we are. We can talk about what happened in Dumbledore’s office rather than here.’

‘An excellent suggestion, Mr. Potter,’ said a voice to there right. James turned and spotted Professor Dumbledore. He was accompanied by Madame Pomfrey as well as a blank-faced Sirius. ‘It seems that the situation is quite under control.’

‘Headmaster,’ said Snape. ‘Potter and his gang tried to have me murdered by their werewolf friend. I demand that they get reported to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement immediately!’

‘Is anybody hurt?’ asked Madame Pomfrey. ‘Punishing anybody can wait until everybody is treated.’

‘We are fine,’ said James. ‘Nothing happened. I stopped it just in time. There is no need to involve the Ministry.’

‘I see,’ said Professor Dumbledore. Poppy please return to the Hospital Wing. I am going to discuss tonight’s events with Mr. Potter, Mr. Snape, Mr. Black and Mr. Pettigrew. I will send them to you if they require any medical assistance. In the meantime you should probably prepare for treating Mr. Lupin tomorrow. It probably will be a rough night for him.’

‘Of course, headmaster,’ said the school nurse who seemed to a bit miffed about the implication that she was not always prepared for any injury.

‘Please follow me,’ said Dumbledore to the students and they trudged up the castles to his office. James’s worry was rolling in his gut and he was feeling worse with every minute. The adrenaline and the rage involved in saving Snape was trickling out his system. All that remained was dread and the icy sting of betrayal. He never had expected to be in this situation. He had always seen the best in Sirius, even though there had been warning signs. He had known that his best mate was vindictive and ruthless, but he never would have expected that he was capable of using Remus as the means to kill someone. That was seriously messed up. Even if by some miracle they came out of this mess unscathed what would it mean for their friendship? Would he ever be able to trust Sirius again? Would Remus? Their werewolf friend had been wronged the most by Sirius after all. If his plan had succeeded, Remus’s life would have been ruined and he would have to live with the burden of having killed another human being. James doubted that Remus would be able to bear this burden. He needed time to think about this, time to fix this mess. But first he would have to proof his innocence to Dumbledore. No matter what Snape said, James was determined not to get in trouble for saving the git’s life. Ten minutes after the start of their journey, they had arrived in Dumbledore’s office. The headmaster made them all sit down before speaking up again.

‘Well, now that we are here, let’s get at the bottom of his. I was told by Mr. Black on my way down that Mr. Snape was heading to the Whomping Willow with plans to enter the tunnel beneath it. Did you enter the tunnel, Mr. Snape?’

‘I did,’ said Snape. ‘And I found a werewolf at the end of it. Black sent me down there so that Lupin could kill me. Both of them should be sent to Azkaban!’

‘It is not in my power to send anyone to Azkaban,’ said Dumbledore. ‘Is it true Mr. Black? Did you tell Mr. Snape how to access the tunnel?’

James glanced at Sirius who seemed perfectly calm. He wondered what Sirius’s plan was. Was he going to admit sending Snape down the tunnel? Would he try to lie to Dumbledore? Snape had no proof that Sirius had sent him down there. If Sirius pleaded innocence and Dumbledore believed him then he could walk away unscathed. However, it was very difficult to lie to Dumbledore and it would make it harder for Sirius to claim that he did not want to kill Snape. James was not sure what he should do. A part of him wanted Sirius to be punished harshly for his deceit. Should he back Snape’s accusations? He knew them to be true and maybe it would teach Sirius a lesson. A heartbeat later he had already discarded the plan again. He was not going to betray Sirius like he had betrayed him. He was going to follow his best mate’s lead and try to get out of this trouble with as little damage as possible He was going to deal with Sirius some other time.

‘I did, headmaster,’ said Sirius calmly. James was surprised by his honesty. What was playing at? ‘Though I am surprised that he was dumb enough to actually heed my advice. You see, Snape has been very interested in where Remus disappears once a month. I was fed up with him sticking his nose into our business, so I figured I would mess with his head a little. I told him the truth thinking that he would never believe me anyway.I thought it would push him into the wrong direction so that he would never even consider that Remus would spent the full moons in the Shrieking Shack. I was shocked when I realized that he was really going down there. I rushed to tell James and Peter and we decided to put a stop to it, before Snape got hurt. James sprinted after him and I went to get you, Headmaster.’

‘Liar,’ snarled Snape. ‘You told me because you wanted Lupin to kill me! Potter only dragged me back because he got cold feet. I bet he knew about this little plan of yours.’

‘I did not know anything until Sirius told me,’ protested James. ‘When I realized what was going on I knew that I had to save Snape. I ran down to the Whomping Willow and down the tunnel. I was barely in time. Remus tried to fight me, but I managed to prevent him from taking a bite out of Snape. I locked him into the Shack afterwards. Both Snape and I are fine, but he had nothing better to do than to throw accusations at me!’

‘I am glad that you two managed to get out of there unharmed,’ said Dumbledore. ‘I believe Mr. Potter that he did not know what Mr. Black was planning to tell Mr. Snape. I think it is commendable that he risked his own life to save you, Mr. Snape, even though he is not particularly fond of you if I recall correctly.’

James was pleased with the headmaster’s praise, especially because of the dark look it had painted on Snape’s face. So far things were looking good. Maybe he was going to get out of here unscathed after all.

‘Headmaster, you can’t believe this story,’ protested Snape. ‘Potter has hexed me on countless opportunities and has revealed his despicable character multiples times. Why on earth would he try to save my life? He was only trying to save his own skin, because he knew the consequences would be dire if I get killed by Lupin. It was neither selflessness nor bravery that powered his actions tonight. It was only fear.’

‘I think you underestimate Mr. Potter,’ said Dumbledore gently. ‘I like to believe that most people are inherently good. Therefore, I find it unlikely that either Mr. Potter or Mr. Black tried to harm you on purpose. And I also think that Mr. Potter’s actions tonight clearly show that he does not wish you to get hurt.’

An ugly look took over Snape’s face and for a moment James was sure that the Slytherin was going to tell Dumbledore what the thought about the Headmaster’s optimism. However, Snape stayed silent and just continued to glare at James and Sirius.

‘Mr. Pettigrew, do you have anything to add?’ asked Dumbledore.

‘It’s like James and Sirius have told you Professor,’ squeaked Peter startled by Dumbledore’s question. ‘James and I did not know that Sirius was going to tell Snape anything. When he told us, James rushed off to safe Snape while Sirius and I got help.’

James felt a small smile take over his face. Good Peter, ever loyal. Things were looking good so far. If anybody would get punished it would be Sirius as there was no proof that James or Peter were involved in his stupid prank. The only thing James could get into trouble for was being out after curfew, but he had been punished for this so often in the past that he did not care about such trivialities.

‘Very well,’ said the Headmaster. ‘Well, it seems that Mr. Potter’s story is confirmed: He was only trying to save an innocent student from getting attacked even though he was not particularly fond of the student in question. Remarkable, very remarkable indeed.’

‘Of course Pettigrew backs Potter’s story,’ snarled Snape. ‘He is Black’s and Potter’s crony and is going to do what they tell him to do. They seemed to have decided on a story which would get them out of this mess. How can you believe this rubbish?’

‘I have some experience in spotting liars,’ said Dumbledore. He seemed rather amused than offended by Snape’s outburst. ‘And I fear that your hatred for Mr. Potter clouds your judgement of the situation. As far as I am concerned you owe him a life debt.’

‘I don’t own him anything,’ snarled Snape. James could not recall ever seeing him this angry. In this moment he realized that Snape’s hatred for him had grown even bigger today. He wondered whether he would spent the rest of his time at Hogwarts fighting with the Slytherin. He hoped that this would not be the case. He was done with Snape and his childish hatred for him. Sirius’s betrayal had shook him to the core. He would need time to get his life back in order and maybe salvage the Marauders. He had no time for the Slytherin at the moment.

‘As you say,’ said Dumbledore. ‘In any case, it is very important that Mr. Lupin’s secret is kept. The rest of the school must not know of his condition. He is supposed to have a relatively normal life here at Hogwarts and I fear that this will not be possible anymore if people learn that he is a werewolf. Each and every one of you must promise me that you will keep Mr. Lupin’s secret. If I ever find out that one of leaked it on purpose, I will have to make a decision whether you can still stay in this school. Promise me now.’

All of the Marauders quickly gave their promises. James noted that Sirius looked rather guilty when he said the words. Good. It was about time that the traitor felt the consequences of his action. To James’s surprise, Snape promised to keep Remus’s lycanthropy a secret as well. While his distaste for the promise was plainly visible on his face, he seemed to consider staying in Dumbledore’s good graces as more important than ruining Remus’s life.

‘Very well,’ said Dumbledore. ‘All of you may go. I am going to think about Mr. Black’s punishment and will keep you informed. Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew, I am going to let Madame Pomfrey know that you are free to visit Mr. Lupin as soon as he arrives in the hospital wing. I feel that it will be good for him to see some friendly faces after the rough night.’

‘Thank you professor,’ said James. ‘Are we free to go?’

‘You are,’ said Dumbledore. James jumped out of his seat and left the office in a hurry. He needed some time on his own, some time to think. He felt drained. His legs were aching from sprinting down to the Shrieking Shack. He was going to be sore tomorrow. Maybe he should do more sprints in his workouts rather than long distance work. James had barely reached the end of the staircase leading down to the rest of the castle, when Peter and Sirius had caught up with him. He wished they wouldn’t. He could not deal with Sirius right now and Peter was probably going to rehash everything that happened this night.

‘Snape looked furious,’ said Peter. ‘He is still in there. Do you think he is foolish enough to argue with Dumbledore?’

‘He was livid enough to do anything,’ said Sirius. ‘Ruddy git trying to get you and James into trouble. Fortunately, Dumbledore is smart enough to look right through his petty lies.’

‘We were lucky that James reached Snape in time,’ said Peter shuddering. ‘I can barely imaging what would happen to Remus if he actually hurt anyone. The Ministry does not deal kindly with werewolves who have hurt anybody. He would be jailed for sure.’

‘Yeah, lucky, that’s what we are,’ said James, anger colouring his voice. ‘So lucky that by pure dumb luck we managed to keep our close friend from murdering another student. Which never would have happened if one of our merry band of friends had not decided to blurt out one for our most important secrets to a known enemy. We managed to get away with minimal damage, but somehow I don’t feel lucky for evading a situation which should never have occurred anyway.’

He glared at Sirius for good measure. His best mate looked back at him with conflicting emotions on his face. James could see equal parts of anger and guilt and he knew that Sirius would not take his critique lying down.

‘I think we should all try to relax before talk this out,’ said Peter sensing the tension between his two friends.

‘Oh no, we are going to talk about this tonight’ said James. His anger was rising now and he was going to tell that git of a best mate of his just what he thought of this stunt. He spotted a class room door up ahead and he pushed it open and entered the deserted room. If they were going to argue about this, they needed some privacy. Sirius and Peter followed him. Sirius with his back straight and face arranged into a mask while Peter was reluctant and nervous. James closed the door behind Peter, locked it with a charm and cast a silencing charm for good measure. Then he turned around to face Sirius.

‘What the bloody hell were you thinking?’ he snarled at him. ‘Why on earth did you betray Remus’s secret to this git? You could have gotten him KILLED and Remus thrown into Azkaban in the process! What could have possibly motivated you to do such an incredibly stupid thing?’

‘Come off it James,’ said Sirius. ‘You and I both knew that Snape was asking for it. Always trying to figure out what we were doing, hexing us all the time and harassing me over my bloody family of all things. He needed a lesson and I thought it was a good plan. If he had any common sense he never would have listened to me anyway. After all, I would never trust any information he gave me either. But apparently, he is even stupider than I thought. I figured Remus would give him a nice scare and he would leave us in peace in the future.’

‘Don’t give me this rubbish,’ said James. ‘You and I both knew that Snape was going to bite. He has been obsessed with Remus for so long that he was going to follow every lead even if it came from you. You knew that he would check out your advice and you knew that Remus was going to wait for him here. You even told us to take our time tonight. You wanted to get him killed, didn’t you?’

‘Alright, I admit it, the thought has crossed my mind,’ said Sirius. ‘I saw the opportunity to get rid of Snape and I grasped it. I was so angry, I could not see that it might mean for Remus. Well, it is all water under the bridge now. Snape is fine, thanks to you and Remus is fine too. Dumbledore is not going to kick me out of school. He is way too soft to do it. I will do my detentions or whatever he is going to ask of me and we can go on with our lives.’

‘We bloody hell can’t go on,’ roared James. ‘Are you even listening to yourself? You tried to get someone killed because he annoyed you! And you wanted to use Remus to do your dirty work. Not to mention that you betrayed all of us! How do you think Remus is going to react when he learns what nearly happened tonight? He is struggling with being a werewolf as it is. He has always been terrified of hurting one of us during our full moon adventures. And you idiot have proven him right by almost luring Snape into his doom!’

‘Remus will be fine,’ said Sirius in a dismissive way that made James even angrier. ‘The only thing that happened tonight is that Snape got a nice scare and it would be great not to blow things out of proportion. There is no use in worrying about what could have been. Every full moon one of us could get bitten or killed and we never talk about this either!’

‘Because we don’t intentionally place each other in danger because we are angry with each other,’ shouted James. ‘Damn it Sirius, why don’t you ever admit that you are wrong? Just say that you made a mistake in telling Snape and that it will never happen again!’

‘Snape would have deserved getting eaten by Remus,’ said Sirius with a cold look in his eyes. ‘You and I both know that Snape is a Death Eater in training. He is going to join Voldemort as soon as he is able. He is the enemy, James! And to make matters even worse, he has crossed us countless times. I merely did what was necessary! It is not my fault that you don’t have to stomach for it.’

For a moment James was speechless. Then icy rage mixed with horror filled him. Finally that had unearthed the truth, but it was worse than he had imagined.

‘I thought that you were different than the rest of your rotten family,’ he snarled at Sirius. ‘Apparently, I was wrong. Stay away from me!’

He turned on his heel and strode out of the room, leaving a gobsmacked Sirius and an uncomfortable Peter behind.

Chapter 8

Chapter Text

On the last day before the end of the term, James was sitting on the stands of the Quidditch Pitch, smoking a cigarette. Practice had ended an hour ago and he had dismissed all of the team members after wishing them a merry Christmas. Normally, he would have walked up to the castle for dinner. However, he did not feel up to it. Quidditch practice was one of the few times at Hogwarts where he came in close contact with Sirius anymore and every time he saw his former best mate he had the urge to punch him in the face as well as making up with him. Fortunately, Sirius had the common sense to keep away from him which was the only reason why they had only come to blows once since the fateful night when Sirius had lured Snape into the tunnel under the Whomping Willow. As James had expected, Remus had not taken the information well. Sirius had received a detention for every day until the end of the term, but the rest of them had walked away without any punishment. So far Snape had not dared to reveal Remus’s secret, but his hatred for the Marauders had intensified even more. James could not eat a single meal without Snape glaring holes in his skull. James had started taking the Marauder’s Map with him whenever he moved through the castle on his own, just to be prepared for a possible ambush. It was not like Snape to accept defeat and James willing to bet his Cleansweep that Snape was going to retaliate when he found the chance. Not that retaliation was really necessary. Snape had already reached his goal: The Marauders were no more.

Thanks to Sirius’s folly, the trust between them was gone. Remus was deeply hurt and had retreated back into his shell. While he was thankful that James had saved Snape, he seemed to have lost some trust in the other Marauders as well. He had strictly forbidden James and Peter to visit him during the full moon. According to Remus his lycanthropy had already caused too much damage and they should not risk making it even worse. James had tried to convince him that this was not necessary, but Remus had flat out refused to talk about it anymore. James clearly remembered the defeated look on his friend’s face. Even though Remus had walked away from the incident without any repercussions he was clearly the one who was hurt the most by Sirius’s betrayal. Peter was angry as well and he picked James’s and Remus’s company over Sirius’s in a heartbeat. Now Sirius was all alone, pretending that he did not care and that nothing was amiss. James knew that Sirius was faking it and that he was missing the rest of the Marauders. James himself missed Sirius every day. Life was not the same without his former best mate at his side. Remus was way too serious and without Sirius balancing he scale, they spent most of their time studying and doing homework. While James himself wanted to be a more responsible student, he did not want his life to be that boring.

He had started to spend less and less time with the rest of the Marauders and instead either spent it flying by himself or shagging Amber. Their sort-of-relationship had been a safety net for him during the last few weeks. Amber never wanted to talk about the rift dividing the Marauders. She had only asked James once if he wanted to talk about it and had never asked again after he had declined. A part of James wanted to tell her, but he held back. They were not that close and in contrast to Sirius he did not blab any of their secrets to others. James took another deep drag of his cigarette. He did not know what to do. He missed Sirius and he wanted to make up with him so everything could be normal again. However, whenever he thought about what Sirius did, he became so incredibly angry that he wondered how he would ever be able to forgive that betrayal. Frankly, he had been shocked by Sirius’s behaviour. He had always known that the Black family had a very bad influence on Sirius, but he never expected him to act so ruthlessly and vindictive. Sure, Sirius was very good at holding a grudge and had occasionally gone overboard when retaliating, but trying to get Snape killed or bitten was something else entirely. Of course, James could understand Sirius’s loathing of Snape. He shared the same hatred and had wished for something horrible to happen to the greasy Slytherin at multiple points in the past. But fantasizing about something and actually putting it in motion were two very different things. He was especially worried about Sirius’s willingness to use Remus to get his revenge. He must have known that he would put Remus at risk by luring Snape into the Shrieking Shack. Had he simply not cared or had his blind rage at Snape overwhelmed his common sense? James was no stranger to rash decisions and he had seen how Snape had taunted an already stressed out Sirius. He could emphasize with Sirius’s feelings, but he liked to believe that he would never act as his best mate had. While James was furious at Sirius, he was also angry at himself. He felt like he had let Sirius down. He had known that Sirius was itching to get revenge on Snape and he had had a rough idea about Sirius’s vindictive nature. He should have realized that something bad was about to happen. Maybe it had been a mistake to prevent Sirius from taking revenge at Snape during the last few weeks before the incident. Maybe he would have reacted more sensibly if he had blown off some steam before that day. James had hoped that he could end their feud with Snape by holding Sirius back, but all he seemed to have done is too make it worse.

James had always felt responsible for ‘fixing’ Sirius. What few things Sirius had revealed about his childhood and his parent’s behaviour had horrified James.He had tried to give Sirius an idea how a normal family felt like and had therefore invited him over to his house as often as he could. He had even discussed what Sirius had told him with his parents, who had not been overly surprised by the way the Black’s raised their children. James had thought that he had been successful, because Sirius was openly rejecting what his parents had taught him, but apparently he had been wrong. Snape had been right that night: Sirius’s plan was Slytherin to the core. Now, James was not so sure that Sirius was different from his family anymore. He wasn’t a good person just because he had been sorted into Gryffindor. James knew that every house contained good and bad people, it just was that Slytherin contained mostly bad ones. He did not feel at ease with Sirius anymore and he had no idea what he was going to do about it. The fact that Sirius was probably waging a war against the rest of the Black family at the moment did not make him feel any better. He knew that Sirius had been at Alphard’s funeral, but he did not know whether or not Sirius received the inheritance. Without James brokering the arrangement for him, Sirius had probably been too proud to ask James’s father for help in this matter. James had been tempted to talk to his father about this without involving Sirius, but in the end he had been too angry with Sirius to do it. Now, he felt guilty about letting Sirius down. He could not recall ever feeling so conflicted in his life. It was about time that he got out of Hogwarts for some time. He needed a change of scenery to really think this through.

He had not told his parents about the falling out between Sirius and the rest of the Marauders yet. He wondered whether they could tell him what to do. Obviously, he would have to omit certain critical information. His parents did not know that he was an animagus after all or that he spent time walking around with a werewolf. James had no desire to make them privy to these particular secrets. The less people knew that he was illegal animagus the better. While he was sure that his parents would keep his secret safe, the knowledge itself would endanger them. It was a criminal offence to keep an illegal animagus’s secret and he was not going to get his parents into trouble if he ever was caught. However, his parents were not completely oblivious: owHTheyTHey They knew that Remus was a werewolf. It had not taken them long to figure it out from what little information James gave them. James was glad that they knew and still treated Remus as a normal boy. Remus needed every bit of normalcy in his life. So, full disclosure of the reasons behind the current rift of the Marauders was out of question, but maybe James could tell them a carefully redacted version of the truth. They were going to ask him what was going on with Sirius and him anyway and James did not expect them to overly discreet about it. While he was an excellent liar, his parents were also very good in wheedling the truth out him. He needed a plausible excuse for their rift which would clearly communicate the seriousness of Sirius’s betrayal while keeping them out of trouble. He needed to think this through properly, otherwise his anger at Sirius would be the last of his concern. His parents would go ballistic if they knew what kind of risks he was taking on a regular basis.

James finished his cigarette, threw the butt through the ground and stomped on it. For a moment he considered heading up to the castle. He still had some homework to finish and while he was protected from the cold through a heating charm, the grey, overcast weather was not exactly inviting. He discarded the thought a heartbeat later. Sirius was somewhere in the castle, as well as Evans and what little remained of the Marauders. He had no desire to meet any of them. Instead he reached for another cigarette and popped it in his mouth. The cigarette ignited on his own and James took a deep drag. He was definitely smoking too much. He was up to a package every few days and it was starting to affect his endurance. Maybe Amber was right and he should quit. It was a good time too with New Year’s Eve coming up. But he could worry about this later. Now, the cigarette was the only thing that felt real.

He was done with half of it, when he got company. Amber slid in the bench next to him and pressed a kissed to his cheek. She wrinkled her nose at the cigarette, but refrained from commenting.

‘I was looking for you,’ she said. ‘Remus said that you were probably still down here. It is not like you to skip dinner.’

‘I did not feel like going up to the castle,’ said James. ‘I will visit the kitchens later.’

‘Bad training?’ she asked. ‘You usually are in a good mood after flying.’

‘No, the team is fine,’ said James, even though that was not really the truth. He was in bad shape and Sirius was not much better. They simply did not have the mental capacity to focus on Quidditch at the moment. The rest of the team was still okay, but James feared that their performance was going to deteriorate too if James and Sirius did not resolve their issues soon. Marlene had been bugging him over what was going with him as well and it was driving him insane. Why couldn’t they just all leave him alone? He was busy with himself and he did not want to share his problems with the rest of the school. ‘It’s just a difficult time.’

‘I see,’ said Amber. She seemed to sense his reluctance to talk about what was going on. ‘You know you can talk to me if you ever want to.’

‘Yeah, I know,’ said James.

‘Good,’ said Amber. ‘Are we going to see each other over the holidays? I know that you are going home as well. Are you going to be very busy?’

‘I assumed that you were going to be busy with your fiancé and his family,’ said James. He ignored the slight pain in his heart at these words.

‘Oh yeah,’ said Amber. ‘But I am sure that I can steal a few moments if I want to. What do you say?’

‘I think we should take it easy over the holidays,’ said James. ‘You take care of your things and I try to salvage what I can. If we are lucky, we can start anew in the new year.’

The truth was, he was a little afraid of spending too much time with Amber. This relationship idea with no strings attached had sounded fishy from the start. His feelings were getting more and more confusing with every day. Originally, everything had seemed perfectly clear: He had wanted to use Amber as a way to get over Lily. This had kind of worked: By now he was spending less and less time thinking about her. Still, he doubted that he would ever be able to give up on her. She had a way of worming her way back into his mind and his heart. To make matters even more complicated, he was growing fonder of Amber with every passing day. He loved how simple everything was with her. The way she dealt with his currently troubled behaviour was a good example. He was quite sure that Lily would never have accepted his silence as easily as Amber did. She probably would have tried to fix the rift going through the Marauders on her own, pestering James all along the way. It was way too easy to forget that Amber was going to marry someone else very soon. He was slipping again and he was way too weak to give her up. He was a bloody idiot. Why couldn’t he fall for a girl who was actually available and liked him for once? Maybe Sirius was right: This whole dating business was way too complicated.

‘A knut for your thoughts,’ said Amber when he had been silent for a few minutes. She rested her head on his shoulder. Her long blonde hair tickled his neck and James felt his heart constrict painfully. It was a bittersweet moment.

‘Do you every worry about getting in too deep?’ he asked.

‘We have talked about this, James,’ she said without looking at him. ‘We have agreed to just have some fun together.’

‘Yeah, we have,’ said James. She had not answered his question, but James did not have the willpower to push her at the moment. His relationship with Amber was something else he should think about during the Christmas Break.

‘We are not married, James,’ said Amber after a few moments of silence. ‘If you want out, just tell me. I promise I won’t be angry. You are a good guy and if you want to have a proper relationship with a different girl, then you should go ahead. You know that, don’ you?’

‘I do,’ said James simply. They fell silent once more. James slowly smoked the rest of his cigarette, enjoying the weight of Amber’s head on his shoulder. For once, she did not seem to mind the cigarette smoke. After he was done, he vanished the cigarette and slowly stood up.

‘Come one,’ he said to Amber. ‘Let’s head back to the castle. I am going to pop into the kitchen.’

Hand and hand, they walked back to the castle. For a moment, James actually was happy, despite all his worries.

* * * * *

James good mood did not last for long. He received a letter from his mother at the last day of school which caused him to curse for a minute straight when he was finished with it. Remus and Peter looked at him as though he was mad.

‘Must be some letter’, said Remus who seemed to be both scandalized and amused at the same time. ‘What’s going on? It must be something truly terrible if it makes you react that way.’

‘Read it yourself,’ said James, tossing the letter over to his friend. ‘Maybe if I don’t say it out loud, everything is going to be fine.’

‘Let’s see...,’ said Remus, scanning over the letter. ‘Oh, wow Lily is one of the top eight of the potion contest. See will be very happy... oh dear... she wants you to tutor her?’

‘Tutor whom?’ asked Peter, confused.

‘My mum wants me to tutor Evans how to behave on the ceremony of this bloody contest,’ said James.

‘Why would she need tutoring just to visit a ceremony?’ asked Peter. ‘Is she expected to do more than to show up and to look pretty?’

‘She needs tutoring, because this is a bloody high class event,’ said James. ‘According to my mum, Lily is the first Muggle-born to be invited to such an event. Only two years ago, the first half-blood was nominated and it caused quite a stir. This is as pure-blood as it gets. When word gets out that she is Muggle-born many of the present pure-bloods will scrutinize her every move, looking for a blunder, something for them to get offended about. My mum wants to prevent this, so she wants me to teach Evans how to behave in this kind of company.’

‘That sounds tough,’ said Peter. ‘Do you think Evans will let you teach her?’

‘Not a bloody chance,’ said James. ‘She is going to eat me alive for even suggesting that she needs help. You know how she gets. She has never accepted my help with anything and she is already sensitive about her blood status. But I have to do something, otherwise my mum is going to go ballistic.’

‘Yeah, it is not easy to say no to your mum,’ said Remus. ‘But I think this could actually work. You just have to convince Lily that you really want to help and that she would be smart to accept your help. She may not like you, but she really wants to make a good impression with important people of the Wizarding World. Maybe this is your angle.’

‘It might be worth a shot,’ said James. ‘Well, complaining about it is not going to make it go away. I will go ask her right now. If I am not back in fifteen minutes than she will have hexed me so hard that I won’t be able to move. Look for me then, will you?’

‘Sure thing,’ said Remus rolling his eyes at James’s dramatics. ‘It is going to be fine, you will see. She is not that dangerous.’

‘We will have to agree to disagree on this,’ said James. He rose from his place on the Gryffindor table and made his way over to where Lily, Marlene and the other girls were sitting. Marlene smiled at him when she spotted him, while Evans just sent him a frosty look. James resisted the urge to roll his eyes. This was not starting well.

‘Good morning, ladies,’ he said, with a charming smile on his face. ‘Evans can I have a quick word with you. In private.’

‘I am not going out with you, Potter, now bugger off,’ said Lily coldly.

James was not sure what he had expected, but such a blunt dismissal was not it. Anger rose in him, but he quashed it with difficulty. Losing his temper with her was only going to make things worse. He had to play this cool if he wanted this to work. Under other circ*mstances he would have taken the hint and minded his own business. However, his mum had insisted that he tutored Evans and he was not going to refuse her just because it was Evans’s time of the month.

‘Always the jester, Evans,’ he said coolly. ‘I was not going to ask you out. As you might know, I have a girlfriend. It is about the potion contest.’

Evan’s still looked rather suspicious. He could almost see the gears turning in her head. He knew that she cared a lot about this stupid contest. He assumed that her interest overruled her distrust of him.

‘Alright, alright,’ she said. ‘Let’s go. You have five minutes.’

She stood up from the table and made her way out of the Great Hall. James was hot on her heels. He spotted Sirius smirking at him on his way out of the hall. The bloody git was sitting close enough to the girls to have overheard the conversation and he seemed to enjoy James’s discomfort. James glared at him which only caused his former best mate to smirk harder. James ignored him and quickened his steps. Evans and Sirius were a terrible combination. With these two, he was going to pull his hair out by noon.

‘Well, what is it?’ asked Evans, when he had caught up with her. They were standing in a small passage a few corridors down from the Great Hall. To his immense annoyance, James noticed how pretty she look this morning. Her school uniform hugged her body suggestively and her long red hair was falling over her shoulders like a sheet of molten copper. He pushed the thought away. He was not here to ogle her after all. After making sure that they were all alone in the corridor, James started to speak.

‘Have you already received your invitation?’ he asked her.

‘What invitation?’ she said.

‘Your invitation to the ceremony of the potion contest,’ said James. ‘They should be delivered today.’

‘And you think that I am going to receive one?’ she asked. Her face was mixture and hope and disbelieve.

‘I know that for a fact,’ said James. ‘My mum is one of the judges and she has already told me.’

‘Really? That’s brilliant!’ said Lily, a huge smile on her face. She had never smiled at him like this. It left him both dazzled and sad, as he was quite sure that it would never happen again. ‘Hang on, you are not pulling my leg, are you?’

‘I am not Evans, honestly,’ said James, rolling his eyes. Her distrust of him was starting to get annoying. ‘You might have noticed that I was not punished for a single prank this year. I am out of the pranking business and this would be a rather poor one anyway.’

‘Alright, thanks for telling me,’ said Lily, smiling again. ‘If you don’t mind I am going to head back to breakfast now.’

‘We are not done,’ said James. ‘My mother told me about you doing well in the contest for a reason. She wants me to help you getting ready for the ceremony.’

‘Why would I need your help?’ asked Lily. ‘I have been to weddings and other fancy events before. I don’t need you to babysit me.’

‘I am afraid you do,’ said James. ‘This is not an ordinary event: The Association for the Advancement of Potion Making is completely controlled by pure-blood wizards. Most of them are old and distinguished members of wizarding society. And sadly, most of them are not too fond of Muggle-borns and Half-bloods eying their places in society. As soon as they learn that you are Muggle-born, they are going to treat you like scum. They will watch your every move looking for some reason to be offended and to cause a scene. Therefore, your behaviour has to be immaculate. We cannot risk causing a scandal, especially not in these times.’

‘So, this is all about prejudice,’ said Lily with an angry look on her face. ‘Your people don’t think that I should be even allowed to enter the contest and now they feel offended that I am one of the final eight contestants. Thanks for the offer, Potter, but I am not going to change my behaviour to please some blood purists who think I am scum anyway! I am not grovelling for their approval!’

‘Look, I understand that this must be frustrating for you,’ said James. He had to calm her down a bit. Otherwise she would never accept his help and give him an earful as a bonus. He was not going to get told off by both Evans and his mother. He was going to convince her that she needed his help. ‘I wish everything would be better and everyone would accept you as you are. However, that’s not the case. In the pure-blood society there are rules for everything and everyone. If you want to be part of it, then you have to adhere to these rules, no matter who you are. I don’t like going to these events myself, but I know that it is important for my family. So, I play the good boy and do what is expected of me. You have to do the same.’

‘Are you seriously lecturing me on the importance of rules?’ asked Evans, who looked both annoyed and amused at the same time. ‘You, James Potter, who has been in countless detentions since he entered the school are lecture me, a rule abiding prefect, on how I should take the rules more seriously? That is absurd! You have never cared about school rules and expect me to care about your stupid pure-blood rules?’

‘They are not my rules, Evans,’ said James, who was starting to get annoyed as well. ‘They are the rules of the society you are part of. You don’t have to like them, but you are a part of the wizarding society. Therefore, the rules of the elite apply to you as well. You can moan all you want and throw a tantrum like a silly little child, but if you want to win that award than you are going to do as I tell you.’

For a moment Evans looked dumbstruck at his outburst. Her face had an ugly purplish colour James had never seen before. He wondered whether he had gone too far. Was she going to hex him? If so, he was not going to take it lying down.

‘I can’t believe you,’ she snarled after a moment. ‘You know that I am not part of the elite and that I will never be, because of my dirty blood. Yet you expect me to dance to the whims of the very same people who don’t even consider me human. You are just the rest of the pure-bloods! You are a prejudiced, purist git and I don’t need you help!’

She started to move away and James lost it. He was so done with her attitude! He grabbed her by hem of her robes and held her in place.

‘You are not going anywhere,’ he growled. ‘How dare you call me a purist? Contrary to most other pure-bloods out there I am not your enemy. Yet, you continue to alienate me after overlooking the behaviour of your Death Eater friend for years. I am done with your attitude Evans! My mother made sure that you got invited to this event to make a statement against Muggle-born discrimination. My family is going out on a limb for you and you want to throw it back in our face? That is not going to happen! You are going to show up at the event and you are going to behave just as I tell you. You will not shame my family by behaving like a troll. After this is over you can do whatever you want, but for now out fates are linked. Are you listening to me?’

He glared down at Lily who look dumbstruck at his fury. She looked at him as though she was seeing him for the first time. James thought he could see fear in her eyes. She nodded slowly and James realized that his grip on her was painfully tight. He abruptly let go of her which almost caused her to fall.

‘Good,’ he continued. ‘The ceremony is on the 29th of December. We are going to meet on the 27th and maybe on the 28th as well, depending on how much work is needed. I will pick you up and we will go to my family’s house. Get yourself some nice dress robes for the ceremony. Hogwarts school robes are not going to cut it. You want to look your absolute best on such a night.’

With fury still pounding in his veins, he turned around and walked back into the great hall. He knew he should have kept his temper with Evans, but at the moment he did not care about what she was thinking. He had done as his mother had asked if Evans did not want his help then she could make a fool out of herself at her own convenience. Bloody Evans. Why did she have to make his life more complicated all the time? Why couldn’t she be a pure-blood or at least terrible at potions? He was doing his best to stay away from her this year and by some cruel twist of fate his own family forced him to spend time with her. If Evans refused his help, his mother would never accept it. She would probably give James a lecture, before showing up on Lily’s doorstep herself. This nightmare was far from over. Evans’s accusations were still ringing in his ears as he sat down next to Remus and Peter. They only had a few minutes until they had to go to class and most of the students in the great hall were already moving. ‘How did it go?’ asked Remus. ‘You look rather miffed about something.’

‘Oh, I am miffed alright,’ spat James. ‘It was even worse than I expected. She was angry at me just for suggesting that I help her and she said some mean things to me. I got angry as well and things all went downhill from there. I think I have messed it up. She will never accept me help now. My mother won’t be amused.’

‘She will come around, James,’ said Remus. ‘She just needs some time to think it through. Lily is not very good at admitting that she needs help. She is used to do fine on her own. Giving your... tumultuous history, it is only normal that she is not thrilled about your suggestion.’

‘Always the optimist,’ said James. ‘I am not getting my hope up. Maybe it is for the best. I should stay away from her anyway. Things always become complicated when we two interact.’

‘True,’ said Peter. ‘If the two of you ever get together, you will either be a brilliant or a horrible couple. Something in between is not in the cards for you.’

‘Well, that will never happen, so we will never learn the truth,’ said James bitterly. He had liked to pretend that Evans was going to fall for him in the future, but he did not have the strength to continue lying to himself anymore. In this moment, he spotted Lily coming back into the great hall. She look both furious and shaken and refused to look in his direction. James heart sank. Things were always a mess regarding Lily Evans. He should be used to it by now, but it hurt nevertheless. He missed Sirius in this moment. His former best mate would have told him that Evans was a waste of his time anyway and that he was far better off on his own. James knew that this was not true, but he could do with one of Sirius’s pep talks now. Sadly, they were no longer friends and things seemed equally hopeless with Sirius as they were with Lily.

‘Come on,’ he said to Remus and Peter. ‘Let’s get out of here. Just one more day and we are done with this mess.’

‘Things are going to be fine, James,’ said Remus.James said nothing. He could not bear arguing with Remus about this in addition to everything else.

‘Come on,’ said Peter. ‘We have to get to class. McGonagall is going to land us in detention if we are late.’

James grunted in agreement and the three of them went on their way. All the way to the class James wished he could share Remus’s optimism.

Chapter 9

Chapter Text

On the evening of the next day, James was lying on his bed in his room in Potter manor. A bottle of Firewhiskey was sitting on his nightstand together with a matching glass. He was already working on his third glass and had no intention to stop until things felt better. He knew that he was going to regret going on a binge tomorrow, but at the moment he did not care. Alcohol was a lousy way to address your problems, but it beat moping around sober. He itched for a cigarette, but he had not brought any of his home, because he wanted to quit. Alcohol and cigarettes were too much, one vice was more than enough. His bad mood had started on the ride back home. Remus had opted to stay in Hogwarts over the break, even though James had repeatedly offered him to stay at Potter manor with him. Remus’s parents were going on holiday over the winter holidays and Remus had refused to come with them. The full moon was the day before Christmas and he did not want his parents to worry about him during their trip. Obviously, his parents had protested, but in the end Remus’s stubbornness had won. James did not approve of his friend’s martyrdom, but he had kept his mouth shut. Remus was sensitive about his condition and telling him how to live his life was a recipe for disaster. So, he was staying in the castle without any of the other marauders to keep him company. Peter was at home with his mother while Sirius was ordered back to his family’s mansion for some family gathering. Normally, James would feel bad for Sirius, but as they were no longer friends, all he felt was disappointment. So far his parents had not commented on his coldness regarding Sirius, though they must have noticed that something was amiss. Sirius had only hailed James’s parents from afar on the platform which was extremely uncommon. James was glad that Sirius had refrained from walking over to them. That conversation would have been terribly awkward. However, James doubted that his luck would continue for long. His parents were notoriously nosy and would surely starting grilling him about what was going on with him very soon.

James was not sure how he felt about this. On the one hand he had no desire at all to relive that fateful night once more on the other hand his parents might help him find a way to mend his friendship with Sirius. While James was not sure whether he even wanted to be friends with Sirius again, he could not deny missing him. He could not remember ever being this confused in his life. Even his continued struggle with Lily was easy compared to this. Lily. The thought of here caused him to grimace. He took another sip of whiskey and enjoyed the burn down his throat. She was another thing troubling him. Since their heated conversation about the upcoming event, she had not spoken to him. Marlene had let slip that Lily was quite miffed at him, but this hardly was news. It was easier to count the times she was not mad at him rather than the times they were on good terms. Due to Lily’s silence, he still did not know whether she would accept his help to get ready for the event. His mother had not been pleased by this lack of a definite answer. She had informed him that she expected him to tutor her whether she wanted to or not. She had asked him to write to Lily to confirm the already set date. James had been procrastinating this task for the last few hours. He really should have kept his temper when talking with Lily. Nevertheless, he did not regret putting her in her place. He was done catering to her every whim. After all this had not gotten him anything in the past. Her sensitivity regarding her blood status annoyed James. He knew that life could be tough for her, but this did not mean that his own was perfect in every way. Biting his head off because other pure-bloods were prejudiced was just unfair. He was not going to apologize for telling her this. Still, he should really write this letter soon. His mother would go ballistic if he neglected to send it soon and the whole situation was messy enough without him riling up his mother in addition. Sighing, James got up and grabbed a parchment and a quill. He quickly penned a few lines to remind Lily that he was coming over as planned and that his mother insisted that she accepted his help. He folded the letter, stuffed it in an envelope and sealed it. Afterwards, he wrote Lily’s address on the envelope. Now all he had to do was find Cesar, their family owl, and give him the letter. He was going to do this later. Cesar was a notoriously late riser and would probably still be asleep at this hour. As the bird was very grumpy when woken up, it usually was a good idea to have him send letters overnight. With this out of the way, he had one less thing to worry about.

A knock on the door startled him. He looked at the Firewhiskey for a moment and wondered whether he should vanish it. He was not allowed to use magic during the holidays, but the Ministry would probably let him get away with it as long as he was at home. He decided that it was not worth the trouble. His parents knew that he was drinking alcohol and why they were not overjoyed at it, they were not overly worried as well.

‘Come in,’ said James and his father entered the room. He took a quick look around the room. When he spotted the Firewhiskey he raised one of his grey eyebrows in surprise.

‘Having a rough day, are you?’ he asked James.

‘You could say that,’ said James, ruffling his hair which was so much like his fathers.

‘Well, that makes two of us,’ said Richard, striding over to where James lay on the bed. He sat down on the bed and conjured himself a glass with a flick of his wand. To James’s surprise, his father poured himself a glass of Firewhiskey.

‘Cheers,’ he said, saluting James with the glass, before taking a sip. He savoured the Firewhiskey for a moment, before taking a look at the label. ‘Where did you get that shoddy stuff? We have proper Firewhiskey in the bar.’

‘Bought it in Hogsmeade during the term,’ said James. ‘It is the cheap and does the job. I did not want to raid our supplies.’

‘How very considerate of you,’ said his father with a slight smile. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘Do you want to talk about what is bothering you?’ asked James in return. He knew that his father rarely talked about his problems. He hoped to avoid a conversation by turning the question around.

His father chuckled.

‘I had lunch with some old colleagues today,’ he said. ‘I am... concerned about what they have told me. The Ministry still does not take this Voldemort character seriously. There are planning to reduce the number of aurors working on the case. This is happening for a reason. The sway of the Muggle-haters in the Ministry must be bigger than I had anticipated.’

‘What?’ said James. ‘They can’t do that! A few aurors were killed just a few weeks ago with the dark mark floating over their bodies! They have to care about that! How on earth can they cut down the numbers of aurors during times like these?’

‘Oh, a lot of people care about these aurors alright,’ said Richard. ‘I spoke with Alastor Moody just a few days ago. He is out for blood and he will not rest until he has found the culprits. Many other aurors feel the same, but certain elements high up in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement are hindering the investigation. I am not sure yet what their plan is. Maybe they are in league with Voldemort, maybe they don’t believe that the aurors will find the culprits and want to sweep it all under the rug to prevent further bad publicity. Ah, if I was ten or twenty years younger things would be different. But there is little I can do now. I am too old and too far removed from the Ministry. Knowing that there is nothing you can do, does not make thing easier to bear, though.’

He took another sip of his whiskey, before looking at James again, who was shocked by this information.

‘You know your mother would be horrified if she knew that I told you about what is going on,’ he said. ‘She is still trying to protect you. She thinks you are too young to worry about this.’

‘And what do you think?’ asked James. He did not like being kept in the dark, but he could understand his mother’s reasoning.

‘I think that knowledge is power,’ said his father. ‘And I think that you have to be ready. You are the only heir of a very old, very rich and quite powerful family. There is no way you can avoid getting sucked into this conflict. You are everything both sides want. Both the Ministry and Voldemort will try to recruit you at some point in time. I doubt that they will take a no as an answer.’

‘But can’t I just remain on the side lines?’ asked James. ‘Don’t get me wrong: I hate the Death Eaters and what they are trying to accomplish. But I am only sixteen. I don’t want to leave school and head straight into a civil war. All I ever wanted was to play Quidditch when I am done with school. I don’t want to give up on this dream.’

‘I understand completely,’ said his father. ‘I myself wanted to play Quidditch myself, when I was younger.’

‘Really?’ asked James, surprised at this information. He had always assumed that his father had always wanted to be an auror. After all, he had spent more than forty years in the department. ‘I never knew. Why did you decide to become an auror instead?’

‘Well, Quidditch was a lot less professional back in my days,’ said his father. ‘There was little money to be made and things were much simpler than today. I did not care about the money because even in my days our family was rich enough for me to do whatever I wanted. However, being a professional Quidditch player was not considered a suitable job for the heir of a pure blood family at the time. So, my father forbade me from going professional. After long consideration, I decided to heed his wishes and became an auror instead. I had toyed with this idea for a while anyway, so it was not that bad.’

‘Do you ever regret the decision?’ asked James. He would be furious if his father forbade him to do what he had always dreamed about.

‘Sometimes,’ said Richard. ‘But looking back now it was the right decision. If I had insisted on becoming a Qudditch player a maybe permanent rift between my father and me would have been the result. I did not want to take this risk. At the time, my older brother Charley had only been dead for six months. My parents had not taken this death very well. I have told you about Charley before, haven’t I?’

‘Yeah, you did,’ said James. ‘He was an auror, was he not? I think he died fighting against Grindlewald.’

‘Indeed,’ said his father with a serious look on his face. ‘Charley had always been fond of rules. He joined the auror program straight out of Hogwarts and rose up in the ranks quickly. He was five yours older than I was and we did not really get along. He was a bit of a stick in the mud to be honest. My parents loved him. He was everything a firstborn heir should be. When he had been an auror for a few years, he volunteered to fight against Grindelwald. He died about a month later, shortly before Grindelwald was defeated. I met Albus Dumbledore for the first time on my brother’s funeral. Apparently, they had fought together and formed some kind of friendship. My father never forgave Dumbledore that he was unable to protect his eldest son.’

‘How about you?’ asked James. ‘What do you think about Dumbledore?’

‘I think that he has his own agenda,’ said Richard. ‘Dumbledore likes to present himself as the benevolent and caring person. I am not sure whether this is really who he his or only who he would like to be. It is hard to judge a person’s character when they are in complete control of the situation and don’t have to face any hardships. Dumbledore has been in his own comfort zone for close to thirty years now. I wonder what will happen if the war with Voldemort becomes worse and Dumbledore is forced to take a stand. We will see what kind of person he really is then.’

‘What are you trying to say?’ asked James. He had always thought that Dumbledore was one of the kindest persons he had ever met. He found it hard to image that the headmaster could be a bad person. ‘That Dumbledore might be in league with Voldemort?’

‘Oh no,’ said his father. ‘No, there is no doubt that Dumbledore opposes the Dark Arts as well as the ideas of blood purity. I only doubt that he is going to leave the fighting to the Ministry when things get worse. He may very well be using this crisis to catapult himself to a more privileged position in the wizarding world. Dumbledore is pulling a lot of strings in this world already and a moment of crisis may be all he needs to further extend his grasp.’

‘This only makes sense if you assume that Dumbledore is interested in more power,’ said James. ‘But hasn’t he refused a lot of positions which were offered to him, saying that he does not want to get involved in politics? So why should he care about politics now.’

‘From my experience the most dangerous players are the ones stating that they don’t care about the game,’ said his father.

‘I don’t know,’ said James. ‘I find it hard to picture Dumbledore as a cold manipulator intent on climbing a few more steps in the pure-blood hierarchy. He seems so trusting and forgiving.’

‘That’s true,’ said his father. ‘Maybe I am wrong and Dumbledore is as good a person as he styles himself to be. It’s just that he is part of an old pure-blood family and therefore probably behaves similar to most other pure-bloods in the same position. And most of these persons hunger for power and money.’

‘Not everybody is like their family,’ said James without thinking. ‘Just look at Sirius.’

He flinched as soon as the words had left his mouth. Saying Sirius’s name brought back memories of his betrayal. He had always believed that Sirius was different than the rest of his family, but maybe he had been wrong all along.

‘Speaking of him,’ said his father. ‘I have spoken with my old friend Nathanael last week. He has agreed to sort out Sirius’s trouble with his inheritance and was supposed to meet with Sirius yesterday. I think he will do a very good job.’

‘How do you know about Sirius’s troubles?’ asked James. ‘I have never told you about them nor asked you to assist Sirius.’

‘News travel fast in the pure-blood community,’ said his father. ‘I figured that Sirius could do with some assistance, so I jumped into action. But now that you have brought it up: Why didn’t you tell me about this? And why did you just flinch after saying Sirius’s name?’

Well, there it was. His father was suspicious now and James would have to tell him something to get him off his back.

‘Sirius and I had a little... disagreement,’ said James delicately.

‘What did he do?’ asked his father. ‘It must be something severe for you to react this way.’

‘What makes you think that it was his fault and not mine?’ asked James.

‘Because you don’t look guilty to me,’ said Richard. ‘And I have enough experience to tell. No, you look angry instead. So, spit it out.’

‘Alright, alright,’ said James. ‘Sirius betrayed one of our most precious secrets. You know that Remus is a werewolf and transforms in a safe place in Hogwarts every full moon.’

‘Yes, I know,’ said his father. ‘Let me guess: This secret place is not that secret anymore, is it?’

‘No, it is not,’ said James. ‘Remus told us about it years ago, but most of the school does not know that he is a werewolf. Sirius wanted to get revenge on one of our enemies: Severus Snape. So he told him where Remus was going. He knew that our enemy was going to check it out and Sirius neglected to tell him that a full grown wild werewolf would be waiting for him when he got there. When I learned what was going on, I had to do something. So, I ran down to where Remus transformed and I managed to pull back Snape before Remus could hurt him. However, it was a close call. Dumbledore has been very forgiving and even awarded me some points for bravery. Afterwards, I had a huge fight with Sirius about his behaviour. He was not apologetic. He claims that Snape would have deserved getting eaten by Remus because he was going to be a Death Eater soon and that I lacked the guts to do what was necessary. Things got out of hand and now we are not talking to each other. I fear that this is the end of our friendship.’

‘Oh dear,’ said his father and got himself another glass of Firewhiskey. He took a long sip before looking sharply at James. ‘Running into such a situation was incredibly foolish of you, James. You could have gotten maimed or killed. You really should have taken this to Dumbledore and let him sort it out. Still, it was very brave and your intentions were good. Please don’t do something that reckless every again! And don’t tell your mother about this, she is going to go ballistic if she hears it.’

‘Alright,’ said James, who had expected a more sternly worded lecture.

‘The situation is quite messy,’ said his father. ‘I know that Sirius and you are mostly alike, but there are some very important differences between the two of you. Sirius is a Black and was raised by one of the darkest families in Britain. This means that he has a different perspective on life than you do. You know that there are a lot of ruthless pure-bloods and Sirius’s parents have a reputation of being particularly nasty people. While Sirius is clearly different than the rest of his family, you cannot wash away eleven years of indoctrination with a few years at Hogwarts.’

‘So, what are you saying?’ said James. ‘That Sirius is a bad person?’

‘When under pressure people tend to return to the behaviour they know best,’ said his father. ‘Sirius was taught that manipulating and cruel behaviour is the best way to solve your problems. He did just that by using Remus’s condition to get rid of a known enemy. Was he under a lot of stress on the day where he betrayed your secret?’

‘Yes,’ said James. ‘His uncle had just died and Snape and his brother Regulus taunted him about this. Sirius tried to hex Snape at breakfast, but McGonagall intervened. Snape than boasted that he was untouchable. Sirius got this ugly look on his face and swore that Snape was going to regret crossing him. A few hours later, he told Snape and set this chain of events in process.’

‘I see,’ said Richard. ‘Yeah, this fits. Sirius was furious and chose to take a page out of his parent’s book. It is sad, but this is to be expected. I assume that this is not the first time that Sirius is rather... enthusiastic when he takes revenge for something?’

‘No, it is not,’ said James. He remembered all the overly cruel pranks Sirius had concocted up over the past. ‘Usually, Remus and I talk him out of this stuff. So, where does this leave me? Should I just accept that this is who Sirius is? Or should I give him up?’

‘Personally, I think Sirius is a good person at heart,’ said his father. ‘He just needs some guidance to counter his parent’s dark influence. You have been this person in the past and I think you can be it in the future as well. Whether or not you want to be this person is up to you.’

‘The thing is I don’t know whether I still want to be this person,’ said James. ‘I thought I had a hold on Sirius, but he just ignored me this night and did what he thought was right. Why should I even try to keep him out of trouble if he just ignores me whenever he feels like it?’

‘In the end each of us has to make our own decisions,’ said his father. ‘However, other persons can bring out the best or the worst in ourselves. I think you should strive to bring out the best in Sirius. The result will not be perfect, because Sirius is flawed like every other person, but I think it will be much better than the worst version of Sirius.’

James pondered this for a moment.

‘Yeah, I guess you are right,’ he said. ‘I will have to think about this.’

‘You do that,’ said his father. ‘In the meantime, I will make sure that Sirius can keep his inheritance. I am sure that everything will be alright. ‘

‘Do you think Remus will ever forgive Sirius?’ asked James anxiously. ‘Even if I mend things with Sirius, we will still be divided if Remus does not forgive Sirius as well.’

‘Only time will tell,’ said his father. ‘I think Remus values friendship very much, so he will probably at least try to forgive Sirius.’

‘Right,’ said James, feeling better about his life than he had for a long time.

Silence feel between the two of them as each of them was lost in thoughts. James slowly sipped the rest of the whiskey in his glass. He still craved a cigarette, but he ignored the feeling as he was determined to quit. Thinking about quitting made him think about Amber. He wondered what she was doing now. Was she with her fiancé? Were they getting along or was it an awkward situation? She was only a year older than he was and he could not imagine getting married straight out of school. He knew that this had been common in the past, but it seemed anachronistic in this day and age. The fact that Amber’s marriage was an arranged one made things even more anachronistic. James wondered what kind of marriage his parents would have arranged for him if he had asked them to do it. There was only a small pool of suitable matches for the heir of one of the most prominent pure-blood families. Only other high ranking pure-bloods would be eligible and they should be rich as well. People like the Weasley who had pure-blood but were poor would only be considered if there were no alternatives. Sadly, most prominent and rich pure-bloods were strong supports of blood purity and tended to be rather nasty people. James shuddered at the thought of being married to a Black. Sirius had several slightly older cousins who could be possible matches. According to Sirius, all but one of them were evil and the good one had been alienated by the family. No, he was rather glad that he could pick his partner on his own terms, even though he seemed to be terrible at it.

‘Is there anything else I can help you with?’ asked his father, noticing his contemplative mood.

‘No,’ said James quickly. He really did not want to discuss his relationship with Amber with his father who would probably be scandalized that James had sex with an engaged woman.

‘Alright,’ he said. ‘You know your mother has talked about this Evans girl again. I kept asking myself why the name Lily Evans was so familiar. You had a crush on her didn’t you?’

‘Indeed,’ said James, silently cursing Sirius for revealing that piece of information to his parents. ‘Which is way I have told mum that I would prefer not to teach her how to behave, but she is having none of it.’

‘Ah, well, your mother has always been headstrong,’ said his father. ‘At least Lily will be grateful for your help. Maybe something will grow out of it.’

James snorted.

‘Grateful, my arse,’ said James. ‘She jumped down my throat when I suggested it back at school. So now I am caught between a rock and a hard place. If I don’t teach her, mum will be angry. If I do teach her, Evans is going to make my life miserable.’

‘Well, I suggest that you teach Lily anyway,’ said his father. ‘You are going to see your mother a lot more during the holidays than Lily and you know how she gets when she is really ticked off. At least Lily has enough time to cool down over the holidays.’

‘Yeah, I guess you are right,’ said James. ‘Still, it feels so bloody unfair. I am one of the good guys and she treats me like one of these Death Eaters in training.’

‘Sadly, well-meant deeds are not always recognized,’ said his father. ‘As long as you are sure you are doing the right thing you should not care too much about what she is thinking.’

‘Easier said than done,’ said James.

‘Nobody said life was going to be easy,’ said his father. ‘I know that being a teenager can be rough. I used to be one myself even though it seems like a lifetime away by now. From my experience though things are rarely as serious or grim as they appear when you are this young. Well, I got to get going now. Be a good boy and don’t drink yourself to a stupor. Your mother will have my head if she learns that I did not take the whiskey away from you when I discovered it.’

James watched his father go and wished that he was right. Maybe in a few years from now he was going to love about how ridiculous his problems had been. Somehow he doubted it.

Chapter 10

Chapter Text

Christmas passed quickly, even though it was less enjoyable than it had been during the last few years due to Sirius’s absence. On December 27th, James was standing outside of Lily’s house in co*keworth. He wore a warm cloak over his Muggle clothes as it was freezing outside. Snow was falling thickly from the iron grey sky. His boots crunched in the snow as he made his way to the front door. His father had dropped him off using side along apparation in a quiet side street. For the way back, a portkey was safely stored in his pocket as he was not yet allowed to apparate. Most wizards tended to avoid using portkey as creating one required permission from the Ministry. Without explicit permission creating a portkey was illegal and could land you in Azkaban for up to a year. James had never understood the need for this law. After all, every wizard could apparate where he wanted without needing the Ministry’s permission so why should it be different for portkeys? His father had explained to him that the reason for the Ministry’s scrutiny was the ability to bypass anti-apparation wards by using a portkey. While it was not possible to enter a protected area by using a portkey, it was possible to leave it. Therefore, portkeys were very useful if you want to free someone from imprisonment and the Ministry tried to control their usage. From his father’s experience, the Ministry was fighting a losing battle as portkeys were too easy to create and too useful. Fortunately, his father had permission to create as many portkeys as he liked as he was a trusted person having worked for the Ministry for so many years. This way, he had easily crafted to portkey James needed and left him to deal with Lily on his own.

James approached the Evans’s house slowly. It was average looking and quite garishly decorated for Christmas. James was nervous as he opened the gate leading to the house and approached the main door. Lily had only written a few lines to confirm the date. He could tell from her short response that she was still angry with him. Well, it could not be helped. He was committed now and he might just as well try to have some fun while he was at it. He was going to pick her up from her house and bring her back to Potter manor. He had briefly entertained the thought of teaching her pure-blood manners at her parent’s house, but he had decided against it. After all, both her family were Muggles. Therefore, he would have to be careful not to reveal too much of the precarious state of the Wizarding world. James doubted that Lily’s parents knew about the brewing civil war between purists and the Ministry. He suspected that Lily was keeping it from them so they were not overly worried about her. Hence, he would tread carefully and act like everything was fine. His mother had reminded him to show his best behaviour today. After all, he represented one of the most noble pure-blood families and proper manners were expected from him in all situations. James had rolled his eyes, but had promised to be a good boy. He wondered how Lily’s family would react to his presence. He doubted that many witches or wizards visited the Evans family. By now he had reached the door and sounded the doorbell. Barely half a minute later, the door was opened by a women in her forties who certainly was Lily’s mother. She was rather small and thin and had blonde hair, but her eyes were the exact same shape and colour as her daughter’s. She looked surprised at James’s visit.

‘Can I help you?’ she asked him.

‘Good morning,’ said James with his most charming smiles ‘You must be Mrs. Evans. I am James Potter. It as a pleasure to meet you.’

He reached for her right hand and pressed a kiss to it like it was custom in the more traditional pure-blood families. She blushed at the contact and seemed even more wrong footed than before. James was amused at her embarrassment. Apparently, most women of the Evan’s family were rather easy to fluster.

‘I am looking for your daughter, Lily,’ said James. ‘I am supposed to pick her up. We are house mates at school.’

‘Right,’ said Mrs. Evans and seemed to regain some of her footage. ‘Lily is still getting dressed. Why don’t you step inside for a moment?’

‘It would be my pleasure,’ said James charmingly. He had never been in a Muggle house before and he wondered how exactly it was going to look like from the inside..

‘Please, follow me’, said Mrs. Evans. She led James into the house. He slipped out of his wet shoes and discarded his cloak, before stepping into the kitchen. The kitchen was rather small, but had a nice lived-in feeling. A tall, stocky men with Lily’s flaming red hair sat on the table, reading a newspaper. He had a burning cigarette in his mouth and did not look up as James entered the room. Next to him a tall blond girl was nibbling on a piece of toast. She seemed to be a few years older than James and had a rather bony face. She looked up as she entered the kitchen and her eyes widened. She seemed not quite sure what to make of his presence in the kitchen. James wondered whether she was Lily’s sister, even though Lily had never mentioned having a sister and the two did not look alike at all.

‘Good morning,’ said James pleasantly.

‘Who’s that mum?’ asked the girl who was eyeing James in a rather unabashed way. James grinned inwardly. He had always liked getting female attention. Mr. Evans look up from his newspaper and narrowed his eyes at James. Apparently, he did not like to see strange boys in his house this early in the morning.

‘James Potter, please to meet you,’ said James. He shook Mr. Evans hand and placed a kiss on the girl’s hand, causing her to blush furiously. ‘I am supposed to pick up your daughter Lily around this time.’

‘Are you now?’ asked Mr. Evans who looked even more suspicious now. ‘Are you a friend of my daughter?’

‘A friend is a bit much,’ sat James, who sat down on the kitchen table. ‘We are house mates at Hogwarts.’

The blonde girl who seemed to have been rather fond of him a moment ago, suddenly looked horrified.

‘House mates, ey?’ said Mr. Evans. ‘Your name seems vaguely familiar. What exactly are you picking my daughter up for?’

‘Be nice, John,’ chided Mrs. Evans. ‘There is no need to interrogate the boy. Would you like some tea, James?’

‘That would be very nice, thank you,’ said James. He was thoroughly enjoying himself now. He wondered what Lily would think if she knew that he was currently busy chatting up her parents. Knowing her, she probably would be horrified. After all she liked to avoid any contact with him and worming his way into her family was going to greatly aggravate her. Good. It was her fault that he was in this situation. She could have just graciously accepted his offer to help her and even made an effort to be nice to him for these few days, but she had decided to a be totally unreasonable about this topic. She was even petty enough to be late. He had written that he would be here at 9 am sharp and it already was ten minutes after nine. Lily was never late, so this could only be on purpose. Fine, if this was how she wanted to play it, he was more than happy enough to return the favour.

‘Would you like milk or sugar?’ asked Mrs. Evans.

‘Just a bit of milk, please,’ said James. He had always despised sweet tea.

Mrs. Evans placed a mug of milky tea in front of him.

‘Thanks,’ said James. He took a small sip and was pleasantly surprised. The tea was just as he liked it.

‘You still haven’t answered my question,’ said Mr. Evans. ‘What are you going to do with my daughter?’

‘Well,’ said James. ‘Surely, Lily has told you that she was nominated as a finalist for this year’s potion making award.’

‘As a matter of fact she hasn’t,’ said Mrs. Evans. ‘What kind of award is this?’

‘Potions is a subject at Hogwarts,’ explained James. ‘Students learn how to prepare certain magical brews. Lily is quite gifted at this. She entered a competition held by the esteemed Association for the Advancement of Potion Making back in September and did well enough to reach the final six.’

For some reason, the blonde girl pushed her toast away from her and left the kitchen without saying a word. James was puzzled at her sudden disappearance. Had he said something wrong?

‘Don’t mind Petunia,’ said Mrs. Evans. ‘She is not really comfortable with magic. Please do continue.’

‘Right,’ said James. ‘Well, the final event of the competition is going to be in about a week. This is a very formal occasion and my mother suggested that I gave Lily some pointers on how to behave. As my family is an old wizarding family I am quite familiar with these kind of gatherings.’

‘Oh, that is very considerate of you,’ said Mrs. Evans. ‘I can’t believe that Lily did not tell us about this competition. She should be proud! Maybe we should go out tonight to celebrate.’

‘She probably did not want to upset Petunia,’ said Mr. Evans. ‘We should discuss it with her in private before we do anything rash. Now, tell me James: Why exactly are you going out of your way to prepare Lily for this event? After all, you are only house mates...’

James pulled a face. Mr. Evans was obviously thinking that he wanted to get into Lily’s knickers. Well, technically this was still true, but he was not helping her with the competition just so he could shag her. He knew that this would never work anyway.

‘Can’t I just help a house mate in need without an ulterior motive?’ he asked.

Mr. Evans snorted.

‘Not if said house mate if a pretty girl who just happens to be my daughter,’ he said. ‘I was a teenager myself once and I still remember how it felt like. I have seen a lot of boys doing favours for a girl just so they could get close to her.’

‘I have a girlfriend,’ said James coolly. ‘I am here because my mother asked me to. It is quite hard to refuse her. And I don’t think you should worry about Lily falling in love with me while I point out how to properly hold a conversation.’

‘Too right,’ said Lily’s voice to his right. James turned around and spotted her standing in the kitchen door. She was wearing jeans and a tight black jumper. Her hair was done in a neat pony tail and to his annoyance James had to admit that she looked very pretty today. As he had predicted, she did not seem thrilled that he was sitting in his kitchen. ‘I appreciate your concern dad, but I would never go out with someone like him. What are you doing in my kitchen, Potter?’

‘Your kitchen, is it?’ asked James, raising an eyebrow.

‘You know what I mean,’ said Lily, rolling her eyes.

‘I am drinking a cup of tea while having a nice little chat with your parents,’ said James, with a grin on his face. ‘Oh, and I am supposed to teach you some pure-blood manners. By the way, being punctual is a must.’

‘Oh, bugger, that was today?’ said Lily. ‘I totally forgot about that.’

‘I am sure you did,’ said James, not believing a word. ‘Well, you are up and about now, so we can get going.’

‘Can I at least have breakfast first?’ she asked, already sitting down at the kitchen table.

‘Be my guest,’ said James. ‘I was busy discussing you with your parents anyway.’

‘Indeed,’ said Mrs. Evans. ‘When were you going to tell us about this potion contest, Lily? We should have celebrated!’

‘Mum, you know that I don’t like to talk about Hogwarts too much because of Petunia,’ said Lily. Mr. Evans threw his wife an I-told-you-so-look. ‘Making a fuss about the contest would just annoy her and I want us to get along over the holidays.’

‘What is the deal with her anyway?’ asked James. ‘She practically ran from the room when she learned I was a wizard.’

‘I thought you were used to girls running away from you,’ remarked Lily while she buttered a piece of toast. Mrs. Evans threw her a dark look, while her husband snigg*red.

‘Manners, Evans,’ said James lazily. ‘And the girls like me well enough, thank you very much.’

‘Only because they don’t know better,’ said Lily, tucking into her buttered toast.

‘Lily!’ said her mother. ‘Don’t be rude. James is our guest! And his a very nice boy for helping you with getting ready for the contest.’

‘Potter is everything but a nice boy,’ said Lily with a snort. ‘He is one of the biggest trouble makers at our school.’

‘I knew that he was shifty from the start,’ said Mr. Evans, who seemed pleased that he had found a reason to dislike James.

‘Please John, you are only worried that he will steal Lily’s heart,’ said Mrs. Evans. ‘I am very good at reading people and I am sure that James is a very good person.’

‘Thank you, Mrs. Evans,’ said James, beaming at her. ‘Did you hear that, Lily? I am a good person!’

Lily rolled her eyes and refrained from commenting. She took another bite out of her toast.

‘Where are we going?’ she asked James. ‘To your house?’

‘Yes,’ said James. He did not point out that he lived in a manor. He did not want to appear overly snobbish in front of her parent’s. ‘We have enough room there to practice everything you need to know. We can even do some ballroom dancing if you think you need some refreshing.’

‘You dance?’ Lily asked, clearly surprised at this piece of information.

‘Naturally,’ said James, with a small grin. ‘Dancing is expected at various traditional wizard events. Hence, my mother made sure that I learned how to dance properly from an early age on.’

‘Am I expected to dance at the final event?’ asked Lily, looking a bit worried out of sudden.

‘I am not sure,’ said James. ‘There probably will be some dancing after the ceremony. You won’t have to dance there, unless you managed to win the trophy. Then, you will be expected to open the dance.’

‘Oh, for heaven’s sake,’ said Lily. ‘And when were you going to tell me about this?’

‘I thought you were no interested in my help,’ said James, dryly. ‘Did you change your mind already?’

Lily grimaced.

‘I may have overreacted back when we talked about this,’ she said sheepishly.

‘You think?’ asked James with a raised eyebrow.

‘Don’t make this harder than it already is,’ snapped Lily. ‘What I am trying to say is that I am sorry for jumping down your throat when you offered your help back at Hogwarts.’

‘Apology accepted,’ said James. ‘I do think you should practice apologizing more often. You don’t seem to be too good at it.’

She stuck her tongue out at him, causing her mother to give her a disapproving look.

‘Do you have something presentable to wear for the event?’ asked James. ‘I have told you to get yourself some dress robes.’

‘And I actually did get a pair of them,’ said Lily. ‘Though you could have warned me about the price tag on these things.’

‘I could have, but I think our conversation was a bit heated to swap dress robe buying pointers,’ said James. ‘Well, it is good you have them. A nice set of dress robes goes a long way. These kind of events are very superficial, so it is important to appear well groomed.’

‘Relax Potter, I will be fine,’ said Lily, finishing off her toast. ‘I know how to make myself presentable.’

‘We will see about that,’ said James. He did not share her optimism. If she was going to treat the pure-bloods at the event like she treated him, things would get ugly very fast. He had to make it clear that people expected meek and polite behaviour from her. He could not discuss this here, of course. Her parents likely had no idea how prejudiced many wizards were and he was not going to burst their little bubble with the ugly truth. James was not even sure that Lily really knew. She was going to be in for a shock if she expected people to take her seriously. James just hoped that she would believe him when he told her. He was not looking forward to this conversation.

‘Are you finished then?’ he asked Lily who had just empties her cup of tea.

‘Almost,’ she said. ‘I am going to brush my teeth and get my things. I will be here in ten minutes.’

‘Hurry up, then,’ said James. ‘We are late already.’

Lily just ignored him and left the kitchen, leaving him alone with her parents.

‘Well, that was interesting,’ said Mrs. Evans. ‘Lily and you don’t really get along, do you?’

‘No, we don’t,’ said James, knowing that it was pointless to argue. He would have liked to hide that piece of information from Lily’s parents, but her brusque behaviour had made that impossible. After all, a part of him still believed that he would end of marrying Lily Evans and he would have liked to make a good first impression on what could possibly be his future in-laws.

‘She and I tend to see things very differently. I used to get into a lot of trouble at school and Lily strictly believes in sticking to the rules. That created a lot of... friction between the two of us.’

‘So, you are indeed a trouble maker,’ said Mr. Evans. He did not look too pleased about this possibility.

‘He said he used to get in trouble John,’ said Mrs. Evan. ‘We all did stupid things when we were younger and as long as he has straightened up by now we should not overreact.’

James did not point out that he mostly got into less trouble because he was being more careful not to get caught. He appreciated that Mrs. Evans was defending him, nevertheless.

Mr. Evans only made a dismissive noise at this. Clearly, he was still determined not to like James. Well, that could not be helped.

‘In any way,’ said Mrs. Evans. ‘I think Lily should be more civil to you, James. After all, you are spending your holidays helping her even though the two of you don’t get along. That is very commendable and she should not jump down your throat all the time.’

‘I completely agree, Mrs. Evans,’ said James. ‘Sadly, Lily has quite a temper.’

‘Well, I am going to talk to her about this,’ said Mrs. Evans. ‘It is not very lady-like.’

James grinned at the thought of this conversation. Lily was going to go ballistic. It was a shame that he would not be there to experience it. He continued to chatting lightly with Mr. and Mrs. Evans about life at Hogwarts and what he would like to teach Lily. Mrs. Evan act much more warmly than Mr. Evans did, but James thought even Lily’s father was slowly warming up to him. After fifteen minutes, Lily finally showed up. James was not surprised that she was late again, but he did not comment on it. Things were strained enough already without him pushing her buttons.

‘Let’s move,’ said James, rising from the table. ‘Mr. and Mrs. Evans, it was lovely meeting you. I hope that we will meet again in the future.’

‘It was our pleasure, James,’ said Mrs. Evans. ‘Please make sure that Lily is home of dinner at 7 o’clock sharp.’

‘Certainly,’ said James. He rose from the kitchen table and after shaking both Mrs. and Mr. Evans’s hands, grabbed his coat and left the house together with Lily.

‘How are we getting to your house?’ asked Lily.

‘Portkey,’ said James. He looked back at the small house and saw Petunia watching from a window on the first floor. He waved at her, but she merely grimaced and stepped back from the window. ‘What is the matter with her?’

‘With whom?’

‘Your sister,’ said James. ‘I know that she does not like magic, but this is ridiculous. I merely waved at her and she reacts like I am a dementor!’

Lily sighed.

‘She has been that way since I learned I was a witch,’ said Lily. ‘I think she is just jealous. It is best not to dwell on it too much. I simply have to accept it; after all she is my sister.’

‘Does she accept you as well?’

‘Not really, no,’ admitted Lily. ‘She is quite rude to me most of the time, actually. I still hope that she will snap out of it one day.’

‘Some way to treat your sister,’ grumbled James. ‘I always wanted a brother or a sister, but things did not work out this way. She should be glad that she has such a talented sister rather than making you miserable.’

Lily gave him a confused look. She obviously had not expected that.

‘Er... thanks,’ she said. ‘So, how exactly does a portkey work?’

‘You only have to touch it,’ explained James. He still wanted to know more about Lily’s sister, but he realized that the topic was closed and that Lily did not want to talk about it. Maybe some other time. ‘This one here activates via a passphrase, so you don’t get transported anywhere by accident.’

He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out the portkey: a small golden snitch. It had been his training snitch for the last few years, but by now it was too battered to be of much use.

‘I should have known that you would use a snitch,’ said Lily, rolling her eyes. ‘For you everything is about Quidditch, is it not?’

‘Actually, my father made that portkey and picked the snitch,’ said James coolly. ‘Now quit stalling and touch it. We have to get a move on.’

Lily carefully pressed a finger against the snitch. She did not seem to be overly excited about trying a new magical way to travel. James could not blame her: Most magical ways were fast, but rather uncomfortable.

‘Ready?’ he asked.

She nodded.

‘Here we go,’ said James. ‘Veritas!’

The portkey activated and whisked the two of them away. James could only see Lily’s astonished face for a moment, before the swirl of colours drowned out everything else.

* * * * *

They hit the ground outside of Potter manor rather hard. James easily kept his balance and grabbed Lily’s arm to steady her as she was swaying dangerously. Normally, she probably would have protested, but at the moment she did not seem to mind.

‘Blimey,’ she said. James noted that she looked a bit green in the face. ‘That was something else.’

‘You get used to it,’ said James. ‘Still better than floo powder. You cannot get lost when using a portkey.’

‘That is an advantage,’ admitted Lily. She took a look around. They were standing on the grounds of Potter Manor only a few meters away from the main entrance. His mother’s neatly trimmed rose bushed stood around them, all hidden under a cap of snow. The grounds were still and empty, but one could still see how vast they were. The great fence surrounding the grounds was barely visible on the horizon. In the winter, the grounds were not as beautiful as they were in the summer. Still, the house elves had spent a lot of effort decorating for Christmas and the result was very nice in James’s opinion. There were a lot of lights placed on the grounds and some of the huge trees lining the path leading to the entrance of the grounds had been decorated as well. Lily’s mouth dropped.

‘This... does all of this belong to your family?’ she asked weakly. James noticed that she had not yet looked at the manor. Maybe this was all a bit much for her. James knew of course that his family was very, very rich. He had a private Quidditch pitch for Merlin’s sake! For someone like Evan’s whose family seemed to be middle class, it must be strange to visit a manor. He understood her feelings, but he hardly could pretend to be less rich just to make her more comfortable. Maybe he should pick one of the smaller rooms for today’s lectures. She probably was not going to appreciate a big ball room.

‘Yeah,’ said James. ‘My family bought this property more than three hundred years ago. Both the grounds and the manor got bigger and bigger over the course of the years, though.’

Lily turned around and took a look at the manor. Her eyes widened and then she slowly shook her head.

‘I had heard that you are well off, but I did not expect you to live in Buckingham Palace’, she said. He was not sure how she felt about this realization.

‘Buckingham is a bit bigger I think,’ said James lightly. She rolled her eyes at him in response. ‘Let’s get inside, it is freezing out here.’

James pushed open the front doors and led Lily through the house corridors after they had changed their dirty shoes to house slippers and had disposed her cloaks. She seemed to want to take everything in at once. James had to stifle a grin. The layout of the house was quite confusing for infrequent visitors and she would get lost if she did not pay attention to where they are going. He would have to keep an eye on her. It would not do for his parents to find her wandering through the house because she got lost looking for the bathroom. He led her to a living room close to his own quarters where he usually entertained all his guest. It was a largish and friendly room with big windows, a few comfortable couches and a fireplace, where a small fire was currently cracking merrily. The house elves had placed a tray with some tea on the dark wooden table.

"Get comfortable", said James, settling down on the couch.

Lily looked hesitant for a moment before sitting down across from him. Her eyes wandered around the room restlessly. James could tell that she was uncomfortable in this environment. For a moment he felt compassion for her, but then he remembered their argument at Hogwarts and the meaningless insults they had traded with each other all day and it faded away. He wished he could do something else, even it was just getting drunk in his room mulling over every bad thing that had happened to him in the last few days. At least then he would not have to deal with her. Seeing Lily tended to remind him of his failure to win her over and of the mixed feeling he had in his heart.

‘Alright,’ said James. ‘Let’s get started. The first thing you have to know that in pure-blood families everything is about prestige and respect. There is a more or less strict hierarchy between the families, depending on how much money or political influence you have and how old your line is. If you face someone with a higher rank than you are, you better treat them with all possible respect or you are going to get alienated. Sadly, most people with a higher rank, treat lower members of society like dirt.’

‘And I guess your family has a rather high rank,’ said Lily.

‘Yes,’ said James, finding it pointless to deny the truth. He wondered whether she had just implied that he treated other people like dirt, but he let it go. He was not going to get his point across if he spent his time, pondering everything she said. ‘Things are different for you, though. You are Muggle-born, which means that you are at the very bottom of the hierarchy.’

Lily glared at him, but did not argue. James knew that he had been blunt, but he did not see any reason to sugar coat his words.

‘Some pure-bloods are going to treat you like scum, because of your Muggle parents,’ he continued. ‘Some will be rather friendly, but they will probably see you as some mildly interesting curiosity rather than a proper human being. You should not mistake their interest for proper friendliness. However, some pure-bloods don’t look down on Muggle-borns and will treat like everyone else.’

‘And I suppose you are one of these open-minded pure-bloods?’ Lily asked frostily.

‘Indeed, said James. ‘I seem to recall various instances where I defended you against slurs against your blood status.’

‘Forgive me that I am not overly thankful for this,’ said Lily angrily. ‘Not treating over people like dirt, just because they have different parents than you have, is not something I consider commendable. It should be normal.’

‘I know,’ said James. ‘Still, your indignation is pointless. I am only telling you the facts and getting all passive aggressive is exactly the wrong thing to do. If you can’t take my dry recital of facts, how are you going to fare against the purists at the ceremony? They are going to insult you as much as they can and they are not going to be overly subtle about it. And do you know that you will do about that?’

‘Hex them?’ suggested Lily who looked ever more furious than before.

‘Absolutely nothing,’ said James. ‘You are going to pretend that you did not notice and you will be polite to them. No arguing, no snarky come back, no sarcasm and no hexing.’

‘You can’t be serious!’ said Lily, looking aghast.

‘Of course not, I am James, not Sirius,’ said James before he could stop himself. Lily glared at him. ‘Sorry, old habit. And yes I am completely serious. You have to realize that the pure-blood society has a very good memory. If you cause a scandal now, people will still remember it twenty years from now. Crossing any pure-blood may hurt you in the future in ways you can never anticipate today. I could get away with some insults, because my family has a lot of allies and a good reputation. You have neither and therefore your only winning move is not to get noticed too much. I am going to teach you the necessary tools to achieve that.’

‘I am immensely grateful,’ said Lily frostily.

‘Well, that was not too bad for a start,’ said James, even though he felt like screaming at her. He knew that she was not used to hiding her true feelings, but it was not that difficult to grasp.

‘Now you just have to hide the sarcasm and say it a neutral voice. I must not a get even a small glance at your true feelings. You have to be the rock: Let other people’s word wash over you like the waves of the sea.’

Lily snorted.

‘Very poetical, Potter,’ she said. ‘I near knew that you were an artist.’

‘There are a lot of things you don’t know about me,’ said James quietly. ‘Now focus! What are you supposed to do when you converse with an unknown person at the ceremony?’

‘I have to be very polite, hide my true feelings and don’t hex anybody,’ said Lily with a sigh. ‘Are you happy know?’

‘No,’ said James. ‘It is not enough to just say it. You have to truly grasp it for this to work. It is easy to say that you don’t care about other people’s opinion’s when you are sitting her with me. Things will be very different when you are getting told to your face that you are subhuman scum.’

‘Are they really going to say such things to me?’ said Lily looking surprised. ‘I mean, I had expected some snide remarks, but that is much more. That is hate speech!’

‘They will if they can get away with it,’ said James. ‘Naturally, they are not going to say it to your face if you are standing next to the Minister of Magic, but if you happen to find yourself in the company of a group of blood purist, they are going to push you as much as they can. They will want you to lose your temper and thereby make an idiot out of yourself. They want to feel powerful and they want to stress that in their opinion, you are not welcome in our world.’

Lily was silent for moment.

‘It is worse than I realized,’ she said quietly after a moment. ‘I mean, I knew that some nasty people just do not like Muggle-borns. But I would never guessed that this kind of dislike was rampant in the top of society as well.’

‘Sadly, in this case, this hatred is especially prevalent in the top of society,’ said James.

‘Why?’ asked Lily. ‘What have we ever done to you? I thought having enough money to never have to work and a lot of power should make one relaxed enough to tolerate other less fortunate people.’

‘It is nothing that you have done,’ said James. ‘It is what you could do.’

‘I don’t understand,’ said Lily.

‘Right,’ said James. ‘Sorry, I should have known. This only makes sense if you have a pure-blood state of mind. Things are different at the top of society. As I have said, the pure-blood family struggle with each other all the time. Mostly about money and power, but also about prestige. Naturally, they assume that everyone has the same goals and therefore they feel threatened by new players in their game. Muggle-borns are new members of the wizarding society. They are more difficult to understand, more difficult to control and they are not bound by any old rules or alliances. They are wildcards and usually very hungry to carve their own place in the wizarding world. Therefore, many consider them a danger to the status quo. They feel like Muggle-borns are creeping onto their old privileges and they don’t want to lose them. Pure-bloods are only a very small part of society and their numbers are shrinking with each generation. Half-bloods and Muggle-born are much more numerous. Which is what makes many pure-bloods so afraid of them. They cling to their money and their power and they feel that they have to strike pre-emptively to defend what is theirs by right.’

Lily was silent for a moment.

‘You know that kind of makes sense,’ she said. ‘Still it is ridiculous to think that someone like me could be a threat to people like your family.’

‘You should not take this personally,’ said James, ignoring the fact that she had just associated his family with purists. She probably had not meant to insult him. ‘I know that it is difficult, but this anger and fear is not usually personal. It is more a general feeling of getting outnumbered in your own society.’

‘I will try,’ she said quietly. James had the feeling that she need some time to think this over. He poured her a cup of tea.

‘Here,’ he said. ‘Think it over. When you are done we are going to dive into some roleplaying.’

Lily did not seem overjoyed at the prospect, but she took the offered tea from him. James poured himself a cup as well and sighed inwardly. It was going to be a very long day.

Chapter 11

Chapter Text

‘Here, drink this,’ said James, pushing a flute of champagne in Lily’s hand. She took it automatically, but raised an eyebrow at him. He sat down at table and took a sip out of his own flute. The day of the ceremony had finally arrived. Currently, Lily and he were sitting in the grand ball room of the Association for the Advancement of Potion Making, waiting for the event to start. The grand and fancy room was filled with close to a hundred people. So far, James had almost exclusively spotted pure-bloods. They had a small table for four. James’s father was sitting with them while Mrs. Potter was sitting at the very front of the stage with the other judges. She would join them at a later point in time.

‘Are you sure getting drunk is such a good idea?’ said Lily, fidgeting with the glass. ‘I am supposed to be cool and in control, am I not?’

‘I did not tell you to get smashed,’ said James with a grin. He doubted that Lily had ever been drunk in her life. He would like to see it at some point in time, but preferably not today. ‘You should only drink a little to calm your nerves. You look like a caged animal!’

‘Rubbish,’ said Lily, through James could tell that she was lying. She had gotten better over their two days of practice at keeping her temper and at holding a polite and shallow conversation suited for these kind of events, but two days were too little to make up for a completely different upbringing. James was somewhat pleased with her progress, but he still would have to keep an eye on her to shield her from the worst company. She was not going to last against some Malfoy or Black for long. ‘I am not nervous at all.’

‘You are a bit tense, dear,’ said Mr. Potter with a small smile. ‘I think James has a good point. You should try to relax a bit. You have to appear at ease at this kind of events.’

‘Alright,’ said Lily, taking a sip. ‘If you think it will help.’

‘Good girl,’ said James while scanning the crowd. He spotted Snape a few tables down and scowled. Lily followed his gaze and her face became oddly blank.

‘Is he one of the finalist as well?’ she asked James.

‘I am afraid so,’ said James, grimacing. ‘Bloody Death Eater in training.’

‘James,’ said his father sternly, reminding James to keep his opinion to himself in these kind of events.

‘Right, sorry,’ said James. Lily was watching them with a puzzled expression on her face. She probably wondered why Mr. Potter did not want James to call Snape bad names.

‘Well, he is a genius at potions, it is not surprising that he did well at the contest,’ said Lily. ‘I wondered how he modified the Blood Replenishing Potion.’

‘No idea,’ said James. ‘I never knew that the potion needed improving in the first place.’

‘What did you sent in, Lily?’ asked Mr. Potter.

‘Oh, I tried to make using the potion easier,’ said Lily. ‘It is notoriously difficult to dose correctly. If you administer too little, it is useless, if you give too much it becomes toxic itself. I have added some other ingredients to make it less dangerous in higher doses. It is only a small improvement, but I think it could really make a difference.’

‘Very impressive,’ said Mr. Evans and James had to agree. ‘I am not as good as potions as my wife is, but I know that modifying potions in such a way is difficult. You are a very talented witch, Lily.’

‘Thank you, sir,’ said Lily, blushing. ‘I think I got a bit lucky, to be honest. I was out of my depth most of the time.’

‘Nonsense,’ said Mr. Potter. ‘There is no such thing as getting lucky. It may seem that way, because you had a sudden stroke of genius, but this is just the way your talent shows itself.’

Lily blushed even more at that and James had to admit that he found her modesty endearing. Being modest was not exactly common in pure-blood society or even viewed as a virtue. She should be proud of her work and highlight her talent whenever she got the chance.

‘Do you think, I could win?’ asked Lily shyly.

‘If it was only about your quality as a potion maker, then I would expect you to win,’ said James. ‘However, giving the political circ*mstances, I would be very surprised if they picked you.’

‘James is right, dear,’ said Mr. Evans. ‘Victoria is doing all she can to keep the blood status out of the competition, but I don’t think it will be enough. Most of the other judges are very conservative people and they will not want a Muggle-born with to win the contest, when there are more than enough suitable pure-blood candidates. Personally, I would be surprised if they even picked a half-blood given current events.’

Lily looked downhearted by this pessimistic analysis.

‘Look, Lily, you should not be too disappointed about this,’ said James, trying to cheer her up a bit. ‘It is a huge victory that you are here and you should be happy about this. It will take time for the pure-blood society as a whole to accept Muggle-borns as equals and today we are seeing a first step in this direction. Even if you don’t win, you still have done a great service to all other Muggle-borns out there. You just have to get through the evening without causing some kind of scandal and everything will be fine.’

‘Alright,’ said Lily. She looked a bit heartened by that. James wondered for a moment why he cared about her feelings so much, but the arrival of another guest at their table interrupted his thought processes.

‘Well, who do we have here,’ said a tall man in his fifties with long silver hair. James recognized him immediately: It was Abraxas Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy’s father. ‘You seem to find yourself in rather… interesting company, Lord Potter.’

James knew that Malfoy would use a different word than ‘interesting’ to describe their company in private.

‘Lord Malfoy, meeting you again is a great pleasure,’ said Mr. Potter.

He got up from his seat and shook Malfoy’s hand.

‘Will you join us?’ he asked the other man. James was impressed by his father’s acting. A casual bystander would consider the two men friendly acquaintances or even friends, while James knew that his father despised the Malfoys and that Mr. Malfoy probably had similar feelings. His father had been serious about wanting to hide his true feelings more often.

‘No, thank you,’ said Mr. Malfoy. ‘I don’t think your company agrees with me. I am not that found of overly ambitious people who don’t know their place in society.’

James realized in an instant that this jibe was directed at Lily and judging from the slight red colour on her cheeks, she had realized it as well. James supposed that he should be grateful that Malfoy was showing so much restraint. He had almost expected to hear the word ‘mudblood’ as soon as Mr. Malfoy had spotted Lily.

‘Indeed?’ said Mr. Potter. ‘I thought you would value ambition very highly, Abraxas. After all, your whole family has been in Slytherin and ambition is one of the key character trades Slytherin valued most highly. Personally, I think that the only reason our families are so well-off is because our ancestors were very ambitions themselves.’

‘I suppose that is one way you could look at it,’ said Mr. Malfoy. James had not expected such a diplomatic answer. Both his father’s and Mr. Malfoy’s face were carefully neutral. James guessed that neither of them could clearly tell what the other was thinking at this point.

‘Is your son Lucius here as well?’ asked Mr. Potter after a few moments of silence had stretched between the two of them. ‘I know that he has finished school some time ago, but maybe he would have liked to come.’

‘No, he is not here,’ said Mr. Malfoy. ‘He is quite busy at the moment with his wedding coming up and he was never too interested in potions.’

‘Right,’ said Mr. Potter. ‘He is getting married to Narcissa Black, is he not?’

‘Indeed, he is,’ said Mr. Malfoy. ‘They are planning to get married in January. I am very pleased with Lucius’s choice.’

‘It seems to be quite a good match,’ said Mr. Potter.

‘It is,’ said Mr. Malfoy. ‘Well, it was nice talking to you, but I have to move on. Have a nice night.’

‘You as well,’ said Mr. Potter and sat back down. Mr. Malfoy gave Lily a last dark look, before moving on.

‘That was very impressive,’ said James to his father. ‘I know that you hate that git, but you hid it very well.’

‘Thank you,’ said Mr. Potter with a smile. ‘And do mind your tongue, James, you don’t want to corrupt young Ms. Evans.’

‘That conversation was really weird,’ said Lily. ‘It felt like two dangerous animals stalking each other, looking for an opportunity to pounce.’

‘Quite a poetic way to describe it, but that is more or less what it was,’ said Mr. Potter. ‘Malfoy has our family labelled as blood traitors, but I think he is getting second thoughts, because we are less outspoken when we were in the past. That is good, we need to keep our enemies confused if we want to surprise them.’

‘Your enemies?’ asked Lily. ‘Is there some kind of blood feud going on between your two families?’

‘No,’ said James. ‘Dad suspects that the Malfoy family supports Voldemort. Probably some members of the family are Death Eaters as well.’

‘Exactly,’ said Mr. Potter keeping his voice down. ‘The Malfoys were always eager to dabble in the Dark Arts and Abraxas himself has pushed to ban Muggle-borns from entering Hogwarts a decade ago. They are just the type of pure-blood Voldemort is looking for. So, we should assume that they are already actively supporting him and we should stay careful around them. I am sure that they consider us enemies as well, but I like to keep them on their toes.’

‘The pure-blood society is seriously messed-up,’ said Lily, shaking her head. ‘You seem so preoccupied with your own head games that you forget the whole world out there. No offense meant, sir.’

‘You should not be so quick to judge a part of society you only know a little about,’ said James coldly. He knew that she had a point, but he was not going to be compared to someone like Abraxas Malfoy.

‘Everything comes with a price,’ said Mr. Potter. ‘There are a lot of privileges which come with being pure-blood, but it has its downsides as well. However, not all pure-bloods are the same. Look at the Weasleys for example. They are as pure-blood as they come and indistinguishable from a half-blood family.’

‘Right,’ said Lily, who had flushed a bit at James’s reprimand. ‘Sorry.’

At this point, the booming voice of the contest host disrupted the conversation. The main event had finally began. While some mindless introductions were given, James checked the evening plan which was laid out on the table. To his dismay, he discovered, that it would take over two hours until the winner was announced. Afterwards, some dancing would be planned which hopefully would be more enjoyable.

James put the agenda down and tried to listen to the host without falling asleep. Now he knew why he had never bother to join his parents in this particular event before.

* * * * *

Two and a half hour later, the ceremony was over. The winners had been announced and to James’s great annoyance, Snape had managed to win the contest with his more potent version of the Blood Replenishing Potion. The greasy git had been asked to say a few words and to James’s surprise, he had been very humble. Apparently, Snape knew that most people had not wanted a half-blood to win this contest. James was impressed with his social awareness. After all, at Hogwarts Snape was a git without caring whom he insulted. It was interesting that the same was not true out of school. After Snape had been announced, the floor had been cleared to allow for some dancing and Snape had been asked to open the dance. He had looked extremely uncomfortable about this, but had obliged. He had done a waltz with a rather unimpressed looking Claire Parkinson and James had struggled to keep his face neutral at the sight of the two of them. He had vowed to stay away from Snape during the rest of the evening. The git was bound to be smug of his victory and he would probably use the opportunity to rile James up. Since the night Snape had found out about Remus, he had tried to stay away from the Marauders, but James knew that this peace was not going to last forever. Also, seeing Snape made it hard for James not to hex that bloody git into oblivion. After all, he had been the catalyst leading to his problems with Sirius. His hatred for Snape had intensified even more over the last few months. By now his mother had joined their table. She and his father had traded a few words about the ceremony, before joining the dance floor, leaving James and a rather subdued Lily behind.She had only scored the third place in the competition and seemed rather disappointed about it.

‘Are you alright?’ James asked softly. ‘Is this about the competition?’

‘Well, yes and no,’ she said. ‘I am disappointed that I did not manage to win, but I am glad that Snape managed to win it. I know that he is a very gifted potion maker.’

James pulled a face.

‘He is also evil to the core,’ he said. ‘I would have preferred someone else to be honest. You should be proud off your third place. This competition is tough and you have your blood status as a handicap. It is quite the accomplishment.’

‘Thanks,’ said Lily weakly. ‘I hate that being a Muggle-born witch counts against me, though. It feels like I have to do better than any pure-blood just to be considered equal.’

‘That is probably accurate,’ said James.

Lily sighed.

‘Well, there is no use crying about it,’ she said. ‘You did not enter the competition, did you?’

‘No, I did not,’ said James.

‘Why?’

‘What do you mean, why?’ asked James. ‘I am not a prodigy at potion making.’

‘You are doing well enough,’ said Lily. ‘There is nothing wrong with your work and if you would apply yourself rather than fooling around with Black all the time, I think you could do really well. I thought you would use the opportunity to try to best Snape.’

‘Not everything I do has to purpose of besting someone,’ said James, rolling his eyes. While he was flattered that she considered his skill with potions good enough to enter the contest with confidence, he knew that he would never win this contest based only on his skill. Also, he was not really interested. ‘I am not too interested in potions and these kind of events bore me. So, I decided not to enter and to use the saved time in better ways.’

‘I see,’ said Lily. ‘I probably don’t want to know what you are doing with your free time. I have the bad feeling that I would have to give you detention if I knew.’

‘Ask me no question and I’ll tell you no lies,’ said James with a smile.

‘Right,’ said Lily, fighting a smile. ‘You would probably much more interested in a transfiguration contest, wouldn’t you?’

‘I certainly would be,’ said James. ‘Sadly, there are no transfiguration contests a student can enter. Apparently, their work is considered subpar by the established transfiguration experts out there. Which is rubbish, of course. I bet I am better at transfiguration than most people who have finished school. I have read Transfiguration Today for more than a year a now and most of the stuff they cover I can grasp without problems.’

‘You read transfiguration texts for fun?’ asked Lily with a raised eyebrow. ‘I never would have guessed that. I mean you don’t even do your homework.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous, of course I do my homework,’ said James. ‘Otherwise, I would spend every evening of the week in detention and probably would have been expelled by now.’

‘But I have hardly ever seen you do your homework,’ protested Lily. ‘Whenever you are in the common room, you just tend to play games with your friends or talk Quidditch with Marlene. And I have only seen you a handful of times in the library and somehow I have a feeling that you were not doing homework when you were there.’

‘I need silence to concentrate properly,’ said James. ‘Which is why I tend to avoid the common room in the evening. The library could work, I suppose, but I don’t like the atmosphere. Madame Pince is not a big fan and she tends to glare at when whenever I am in there. Merlin knows why, I have never done anything to her. It was Sirius who charmed all of the books in the library to periodically rearrange themselves back in fourth year. I did not even know about that prank at the time.’

‘So, where do you go to do your homework then?’ asked Lily.

‘Oh, I know some places in the castle where you can do your work in silence,’ said James with a smile. He did a lot of his work in the early hours of the morning, where the common room was empty and quiet.If that was not an option, various secret passages and rooms in Hogwarts allowed him to work in silence.

‘I bet you do,’ said Lily, rolling her eyes. ‘And I bet you have spent most of your time in these rooms doing anything but homework.’

‘Maybe, maybe not,’ said James evasively. She was probably right about this, though. With all the time he had spent planning pranks and working at the animagus transfiguration and the Marauder’s Map, homework had taken a backseat a lot of times. James glanced around a discovered that the dance floor was well occupied by now. Maybe it was time to see whether or not Lily really could dance.

‘Would you like to dance?’ he asked her.

‘What?’ asked Lily, obviously not believing her ears.

‘Dance, Evans,’ said James, rolling his eyes. ‘You know: Moving rhythmically to the beat of some music.’

‘I know what dancing is,’ she replied heatedly. ‘Why do you want to dance?’

‘Because I feel like a fool just sitting here with you without doing anything,’ said James. ‘It will be a few more hours before we can leave without anyone taking notice of our absence. We might as well try to enjoy it in the meantime. Dancing seems like a good idea. I am rather rusty and could do with a little practice. But if you don’t want to, there is always the option of getting completely drunk. That is always rather amusing.’

‘We are not going to get drunk,’ said Lily, looking horrified at the thought. ‘I can barely get around without offending anyone as it is. Can you imagine how bad it’s going to be if I get drunk? Also, I don’t trust you not to do anything stupid if you get drunk yourself.’

‘Dancing it is then,’ said James with a grin on his face. He had tried to dance with Lily at various events in the past, but she had always refused. ‘Come on then.’

‘One more thing, before we get on with it,’ said Lily looking uncomfortable. ‘Look, I am grateful for everything you did for me in the past few days. You are a better person than I thought you were and I may have judged you too harshly in the past. Still, just because we are going to dance does not mean that we are a couple or that I am interested in you that way. You do realize that, don’t you?’

‘Evans, how often do I have to remind you that I do have a girlfriend?’ asked James, rolling his eyes. He was a bit hurt at her suggestion that he was going to use the opportunity to worm his way into his heart. She had to get over herself at some point! It infuriated James that she always assumed that he did everything just to impress her. It was rather self-centred. Nevertheless, she had almost apologized for being so hard with him in the past and he figured out that was better than what he had ever gotten for her before. He should be happy with that. ‘Do I have to shag her in front of you just to drive the point home?’

‘Certainly not,’ said Lily, shaking her head in horror. ‘I had forgotten about Amber. The two of you are not often seen in each other’s company.’

‘I value my privacy,’ said James. ‘And I accept your apology. I realize that I have been over the top sometimes in the past.’

‘Great,’ said Lily. ‘Now with this out of the way, let’s move. I want to see whether you really can dance.’

‘Would I ever lie to you?’ asked James with a smirk on his face. Lily did not even bother to reply. Instead she rose from the table and took James’s hand. Her own felt small and warm in his much bigger one. James felt a small shiver run through his body and he tried not to show her how affected he was by this casual touch. For what felt like the millionth time, he cursed his unnatural attraction to the redhead. Fortunately, Lily did not seem to have noticed as she dragged him to the dance floor. James suppressed a smile. She seemed rather eager to start dancing even though she had been not too fond of the idea mere minutes ago. James recognized many of the people on the dance floor as members of the pure-blood elite. Most of them would not be pleased about him dancing with a Muggle-born witch, but James did not care. Maybe this would mess with his father’s plan to keep their loyalty more veiled, but it could easily be explained as a simple courtesy. After all, it was not very polite to leave a lady to fend for herself for a whole evening and manners were very important in the pure-blood society. They started dancing and James was pleased how smooth his movements were. He had neglected to practice during the last year, but all the time he had spent dancing the past were paying off. Lily seemed surprised at how effortlessly he led the dance and James grinned at her, causing her to roll her eyes. He was going easy on her as she did not seem to be too sure of herself. During a turn, James spotted Snape sitting on a nearby table glowering at them. James stifled the urge to smirk at the Slytherin, knowing that it was wise not to bait him at the moment. He knew that Snape was romantically interested in Lily even if she did not realize it. Hopefully, it ruined Snape’s day to see him dancing with the girl he liked. Snape did not have to know that he was not making any progress with Lily.

James and Lily danced for a few songs, before someone tapped James on the shoulder. He turned around and was surprised to spot Amber. She looked radiant in her velvety black dress robes and was accompanied by a handsome man in his twenties with short blonde hair and an aristocratic face. James was willing to bet that this was her fiancé, Peter Fawley. Jealousy spiked through James for a moment, before he suppressed the feeling. He had no right to be jealous. After all, he and Amber were not really dating and he had known about her being engaged for some time now. Still, seeing her fiancé in the flesh made this whole mess feel so much more real than before. James sighed inwardly. Between Lily and Amber his emotions were so confused that it was surprising that he could even get up in the morning. For a moment he longed for simpler days, when he had not been interested in witches and only had to worry about pulling pranks and playing Quidditch. Sadly, there was no way back.

‘May I cut in?’ asked Amber with a smile on her face. ‘You are Lily Evans, are you not?’

‘I am,’ said Lily, smiling at Amber. ‘Amber, right? I was not aware that you were going to be here.’

‘It was a spur of the moment decision,’ said Amber. ‘So, I am going to borrow James for a moment. Peter will be glad to entertain you in the meantime.’

Before Lily had the chance to protest, Amber had grabbed James’s had and dragged him away. They started dancing a few meters away, so that Lily and Peter were no longer visible through the crowd.

‘Pushy, pushy,’ said James with a grin. ‘If I didn’t know better, I would think that you are jealous, Amber.’

‘Don’t be silly,’ she said. ‘I just was surprised to find you dancing with her of all people and wanted to find out what’s going on.’

‘Of course,’ said James dryly. Amber narrowed her eyes at him, but did not say anything. ‘Nothing is going on with Lily and me. She was one of the finalists and I helped her a bit to prepare for today. After all, she is Muggle-born and does not know how to behave properly in a Pure-blood environment.’

‘How noble,’ said Amber. ‘And you expect me to believe that you decided to help Lily Evans of all people over the holidays, because you are such a helpful person?’

‘That is not very hard to believe,’ protested James. ‘I can be very helpful if I want to.’

‘Sure thing, James,’ said Amber, rolling her eyes. ‘I just find it curious that I find you here dancing with the girl you’ve had a crush on for years.’

‘Are you sure that you aren’t jealous?’ asked James, giving her a critical look. He did not like to talk with Amber about his feelings for Lily. In fact, he did not like to talk about his feelings for Lily at all. If there was a way to prevent that conversation, he would be happy to take it.

‘I am not jealous,’ said Amber, but James could see a faint blush on her face. Interesting. ‘I am about to get married, remember? Now, tell me why you have decided to help Lily?’

‘You are so pushy today, Amber,’ said James. She gave him a sharp glare and he sighed. ‘Fine, if you really want to know: My mother is part of the jury and she asked me to help Lily out. It is not easy to say no to my mother.’

‘I see,’ said Amber looking amused. ‘I have to say I never pictured you as someone who actually listens to their mother. She must be a very special woman.’

‘She is,’ said James fondly. ‘But what brings you here? Have you entered that blasted contest yourself?’

‘Oh, Merlin no,’ said Amber. ‘No, I am horrible at potions. Peter dragged me here. He is already done with school, but he is very interested in potions and he wanted to see if any new talents were coming up. I have to say I am not too pleased that they let that Snape boy win of all people. He gives me the creeps.’

‘Yeah, I know what you mean,’ said James. He was glad that Amber shared his distaste for Snape. It was refreshing not having to dance around the issue like he had to do with Lily. ‘If you ask me, he is a bloody Death Eater in training.’

‘You should not say such things,’ said Amber, looking around nervously. She reminded him of his father in that moment. James wondered whether she feared that Death Eaters would suddenly appear or that she just feared getting overheard by some blood purists. ‘You can never know who is listening.’

‘Right,’ said James. He had forgotten that Amber was about to become a member of the Fawley family. They had so far refused to take a stand in the brewing conflict with Voldemort and his cronies. While James could see the wisdom of this strategy, the thought of leaving Muggle-borns and Muggles to fend for themselves was difficult to bear. That his father was trying to adopt the same strategy, was not to James’s taste. In any case, he should heed Amber’s advice, both to support his father’s strategy and to keep her happy.

‘I have missed you,’ said Amber. ‘Peter is very friendly, but he is not you.’

‘I have missed you, too,’ said James honestly. ‘Maybe it is bad idea for you to get married to Fawley.’

‘Maybe,’ agreed Amber. ‘But some things can’t be changed and we just have to deal with them. I am optimistic about that marriage, though. Peter is a good guy and giving enough time we are going to be make things work between us. Maybe it is not going to be the love I have dreamed about as a little girl, but it is going to be a stable marriage.’

‘Very traditional,’ said James.

‘Yes,’ said Amber. ‘Being a romantic must be difficult if you are a pure-blood. After all, most marriages have been arranged in the past. You are very lucky that your parents are letting you choose your own path. Nevertheless, I think you would do fine even if you were to have an arranged marriage.’

‘What makes you think that?’ asked James.

‘Please,’ said Amber. ‘You are a Potter! The only heir to a fortune and member of one of the purest bloodlines in Britain. You would have witches lining up wanting to become Mrs. Potter. And remember usually the groom is able to pick who he wants to marry of the suitable candidates. So, you could just pick the one you like the most and you would be fine.’

‘Just because I pick a girl, does not mean that she likes me back,’ said James. She was right of course. He would be able to pick any pure-blood witch he desired, preferably a rich one. Still, it did not feel right for him that only his wish would be considered. He briefly entertained the thought of being in an arranged marriage with Lily. He had to repress a shudder at that particular thought. Lily would never accept being controlled in such a way and would find a way to make his life hell even if they ended up married.

‘True,’ said Amber. ‘But pure-blood witches know that their happiness is not overly important to anyone.’

James could detect a trace of bitterness in her voice which he had never heard before when she had talked about her future marriage.

‘Are you sure everything is alright with you and Fawley?’ he asked, concerned. ‘Do you want me to talk to him?’

‘And say what?’ asked Amber with a snort. ‘That you are the bloke shagging me at school and that you are concerned for my well-being? I don’t see this going well.’

‘Right,’ said James, a little hurt at the brusque way she described their relationship. It was close to the truth, but it felt rather cheap when she put it that way. ‘It was just an idea.’

‘I am going to be fine, James,’ she said. She closed the distance between them and rested her head on his chest. The top of her blonde hair tickled his chin. ‘We are both going to be fine.’

Somehow, James did not believe her.

Chapter 12

Chapter Text

Thick snow was falling when James stepped out of the Hogwarts express in the beginning of January. New Year’s Eve had come and gone and it was time to start the second part of his sixth year at Hogwarts. James had mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, things had become rather boring at home and he could do with some more action. On the other hand, it was far easier to avoid certain problems at home. He was not closer to figure out how to deal with Sirius than he had been before Christmas. However, his anger and hurt had decreased over time. Maybe the wounds Sirius’s betrayal had caused were slowly starting to heal. He wondered how Remus had fared on his own over the holidays. James suspected that his friend had been miserable. While Remus pretended to be just fine on his own, James knew that this was not the case. His werewolf friend needed some company to prevent him from slipping into depression. Frankly, James was worried about him. The whole mess with Sirius had hit Remus the hardest and he was the most ill-equipped of them to deal with this situation. James made a mental note to pay extra attention to Remus in the future. Sirius had caused them enough misery already.

The train ride had been uneventful. He had only caught a brief glance at Sirius back on platform nine and three quarters. His former best mate had not been present in their usual compartment. James wondered where he had spent the ride instead. Knowing Sirius, he probably had picked up some girl and spent the time snogging her. In any case, his absence in the Marauder compartment had saddened James. It had reminded him of everything they had lost. He liked Peter well enough and usually he was having a good time when he was with him, but he was no suitable replacement for Sirius. Things had gotten rather dull, rather fast and so James had paid a visit to Marlene and the other girls. Fortunately, things with Lily were less strained than they had been in the past. To James’s immense surprise, she actually seemed grateful for his help with the potion contest finals. She had actually thanked him when he had dropped her off back at her parents and her intense hatred for him seemed to have vanished over the break. James wondered how on earth that had happened. After all, they had spent much of their time together jumping down each other’s throats. He would never understand how Lily Evans’s mind worked. Maybe he would ask Marlene about it if he got the chance, even though she was going to tease him for his interest in the enigmatic redhead. Still, he was not complaining. Lily and he even were on first name basis by now and he rather enjoyed not arguing with her all the time.

Riding with the girls had been surprisingly pleasant, even though it was much less exciting than he his usual rides with the Marauders. He had learned that Lily was still dating Luke Palmer, which had caused him a brief but sharp sting of jealousy and that things were rather strained between Marlene and Charlie. He could have done without the last information, as he was determined to know as little as possible about Marlene’s love life. He just hoped that they were going to be alright. Despite their agreement to not get involved with each other’s romantic interests, Marlene had no qualms to seek him out after a breakup and pour her heart out to him. If it had been a messy one, this usually ended with her crying into his shirt. James hated crying girls and therefore was not looking forward to another of these encounters. Fortunately, nobody had bothered him about Amber. He had wondered whether Lily was going to say something, because she had seen Amber together with her fiancé at the ceremony. Granted, James did not know whether she actually knew that Amber and Peter were engaged, but it had been rather easy to see that the two of them were not just friends. If she had connected the dots, she now knew that James was sort of dating an engaged woman. That was not public knowledge and James had no intention of spreading it around. Marlene would have a field day if she knew about this and he had a feeling that Lily would not approve of his behaviour either.

Peter nudged him to alert him that the carriages had arrived and brought James back to the present. They climbed into a carriage together with two Hufflepuff girls who seemed rather awed too share a ride with two of the Marauders and travelled to the castle. James felt rather subdued and the thick snow seemed to match his mood. Peter quickly picked up on his mood and made conversation with the two girls on his own while leaving James to himself. Normally, James had always looked forward to returning to Hogwarts, but this time he only felt some vague dread at the sight of the castle. This was getting ridiculous! He was going to have to do something! He still had to spend one and a half year at school and he would have an unpleasant time indeed if he did not take care of his issues! There was little he could do about Slytherin gits like Snape, but at least Sirius had to be dealt with. He still was unsure what to do, but he was determined to figure it out soon. Maybe a chat with Remus would be the way to go. After all, James could hardly decide to either condemn or forgive Sirius on his own. Peter could be influenced in either way, but Remus needed to be convinced for this to work. Yes, that was an idea. He was going to have a chat with Remus after dinner and see if they could figure things out.

After arriving at the castle, the students headed straight to dinner. Remus was nowhere to be seen and James worried about that. Remus tended to skip meals whenever he felt particularly troubled or if the full moon was approaching. However, the latter was out of question as it still was two weeks away. James ate quickly and told Peter that he was going to look for their friend. Peter just nodded and went back to demolishing his treacle tart. As James left the hall, he accidently caught Sirius’s eye. His former best mate was sitting at the very edge of the Gryffindor table together with a pretty girl whose name James did not know. James thought he could read worry in Sirius’s eyes, though he was not sure whether he and his former friend were worried about the same thing. He broke the eye contact and made his way up to Gryffindor tower. The common room was deserted and their dormitory was empty as well. James furrowed his brows. Maybe Remus was in the library, doing some last minute homework. However, knowing his studious nature that was unlikely. He probably had done as his homework in the first week of the holidays. James looked around, trying to spot the Marauder’s Map. He had left it in Remus’s care together with his invisibility cloak, as he had little use for both items at home. After rummaging around for a bit, he found both items lying on his bed. He unlocked the map and looked around for the little dot labelled ‘Remus Lupin’. To his surprise, Remus was at the top of the Astronomy Tower. What on earth was he doing there? It was freezing outside and through the thick snow very little stars would be visible. Besides they had no assignments for astronomy and Remus had never been overly fond of the subject in the first place. Maybe he was on a date and waiting for the girl to show up, but James considered that unlikely. Remus was popular enough with the witches, but he was too reluctant to let anyone get close for any true relationship to blossom. James decided that he would check up on his friend. If Remus was no longer alone by the time he had reached the tower, he was just going to head back without disturbing him. James grabbed the map and started his trip to the tower.

Ten minutes later, he had climbed the top of the tower and looked around for Remus. He found him standing at the very edge of the tower gazing into the night. He was only wearing his normal school robes, but James could see by the way the air was shimmering around him that his friend had a heating charm in place. Good, otherwise he would catch a cold for sure. James himself had shrunk his thick cloak and had stuffed it in the pocket of his robes. He took it out, returned it to his normal size and put it on. Only then did Remus notice him.

‘James, you are back’, he said, his voice oddly silent. James noticed that Remus’s eyes were glassy and slightly reddend. Then he spotted a bottle of Firewhiskey resting on the ground next to his friend. That was odd. Remus never drank on his own and usually limited himself even in the presence of the other Marauders. Apparently, things were different today, as the bottle was almost half empty. Something was clearly wrong. They had school tomorrow and Remus was way too studious to risk missing class just to drink himself into a stupor.

‘Remus, are you alright?’ James asked delicately.

‘I am now,’ said Remus, slurring slightly. He walked to James and wrapped him into a tight hug. James was flabbergasted for a moment before he hugged Remus back. Still, his worry increased. Remus wasn’t usually that affectionate, something must have happened to put him in this strange mood.

‘Moony,’ said James softly. ‘Moony, what’s wrong?’

‘Everything,’ replied Remus in a broken voice. Normally, James would have rolled his eyes at this melodramatic statement, but Remus was behaving too strangely for him to just dismiss it. ‘I am so glad that you are back, James. We have to do something, we have to fix it!’

‘Remus, you are not making sense,’ said James simply. He untangled himself from his friend and looked Remus in the eye. He looked miserable. ‘Dear merlin, what has happened to you?’

‘I can’t stand it anymore,’ said Remus quietly. ‘With all three of you gone, I had time to think about everything. Too much time. It felt like before I came to Hogwarts. I... I was all alone.’

‘Oh, Remus,’ said James. Slowly things started to make a bit more sense. His friend had been miserable before coming to Hogwarts. The other Marauders were the first friends he had ever had who accepted him even though he was a werewolf. ‘You know you could have come with me if had wanted too. You are not alone. You have me, Peter and...’

Sirius’s name turned to ash in his mouth and he could not bring himself to say it. It was so easy to forget that things had changed between them.

‘Exactly...,’ said Remus with a sad smile. ‘We are not who we used to be James. And I think we have to look things in the eye and admit it: It is not the same without Sirius.’

‘No, it is not,’ admitted James. It would be foolish to argue the opposite after all. ‘What is going on with you Remus? You know what Sirius did. I admit things are worse than they used to be, but we will be fine on our own. We just need some time to adapt.’

‘Do you really believe that, James?’ asked Remus, sadly. ‘I think we had our time to adept and we failed. When you told me what Sirius did, I was horrified. I had no idea how to deal with it and I still don’t. I thought I would be fine, but I was wrong. Our group does not work without him. You try your best, but I can tell that you are miserable. I miss him as well, even though I hate what he almost did to me. I fear that we are slowly going to fall apart, James. We are still kind of holding it together, but give us another six months and maybe we will not be the three Marauders anymore, but just roommates. And in a year, maybe be will only be acquaintances. I cannot bear that thought, James!’

‘Remus that is not going to happen, I promise,’ said James. ‘Even if things get more distant between us, which I consider unlikely, I will always be there for you. You don’t have to bear that burden on your own.’

‘Will you, James?’ asked Remus, his eyes very bright. ‘Even though I am the reason you are no longer friends with Sirius?’

‘What are you talking about?’ said James, suddenly feeling very cold.

‘The only reason Sirius could use me to punish Snape, is because I am a werewolf,’ said Remus. ‘I have always known that you guys would be better off without me and Sirius gave me proof. You have always done too much for me; just look at all the risks you took because of me! Becoming animagi is incredibly dangerous as well as spending time with a werewolf and you did both just to make me feel better. You are gambling with you lives because of me and this has to stop! I have always known that we would pay the price for our arrogance one day and I think Sirius’s betrayal might just be that.’

‘That’s rubbish and you know it!’ said James sharply. That conversation was rather familiar. Remus had argued until he had been blue in the face against them becoming animagi and then again against them joining him. The theme had always been the same: He was not worthy of their help if it was that risky. Frankly, James was rather fed-up with his friend’s martyr complex. He should have known that Remus would use the trouble with Sirius to dredge that old problem up again.

‘It was our decision to become animagi and to join you, because we wanted to help you, Remus. It was risky, of course, but it was our risk to take, not yours. You are right that without you we probably would not have become animagi, simply because we would lack a reason for investing all that effort. However, I am glad that your lycanthropy forced us to go through with it, because it is the best thing I have ever done in my life. We should be grateful to you Remus, not the other way round.’

Remus looked stunned for a moment. Then, he sniffed.

‘Do... do you really mean that, James?’ he asked, and James was horrified to see tears sparkling in his friend’s eyes.

‘Of course, I do,’ he said. He was not going to back down now. He needed to stand his ground and to make Remus see straight again. Mixing his self-confidence issues with Sirius’s betrayal would get them nowhere at all.

‘You are not a burden to us, Remus, even if you like to think so. You are our friend and helping you is just what we do.’

‘Thank you,’ said Remus and his tears really started to spill by now. ‘Oh dear, I am such a mess. I should not have drunk that much. I am sorry for being so emotional James. I must look like a silly girl.’

‘It alright mate,’ said James, putting a hand on his shoulder. ‘You have always been lousy at holding your drink. Though I have never seen you drink on your own before.’

‘I had a rough few days,’ said Remus, wiping the tears from his cheeks. James rose an eyebrow at that, but he doubted that Remus would want to talk about that anytime soon. ‘I thought having a drink or two would make me feel better, but I was wrong. I should have smoked a spliff or two instead.’

‘You should know better. Getting drunk or high when you are feeling blue is not enjoyable,’ chided James softly.

‘I find it ironic that you of all people are lecturing me on that,’ remarked Remus. He was slowly getting a grip on himself. His voice sounded steadier than it had mere moments ago. ‘How often have you drunk yourself to a stupor because of Lily?’

‘Often enough to know that it is a horrible idea,’ said James with a smile. ‘Have you eaten anything? You were not at dinner.’

‘No, I haven’t,’ said Remus. ‘I did not feel like facing everybody. I will hop down into the kitchens later.’

‘We could go now,’ said James. ‘That way you would not have to eat on your own.’

‘Stop mothering me, James,’ said Remus with a wry smile. ‘I am perfectly fine eating on my own.’

‘Alright, alright,’ said James. ‘I will ask the house elves tomorrow whether you showed up.’

‘You do that,’ said Remus, rolling his eyes.

For a moment, silence fell around them. Remus looked out on the dark grounds with a contemplative look on his face. James own mind was racing. He had underestimated the seriousness of the situation. He had known of course that Remus had been hurt by Sirius’s behaviour, but he had not thought it went that far. When he had first told Remus about what had happened his friend had seemed... well he had not seemed fine, but things had not looked as bad as they did now. Remus had been livid and hurt, but he had not doubted his friends’ support then nor had he blamed himself. It was a worrying development and James wondered what he could do about it. He was feeling out of his depth here. Fixing other person’s feelings was not his forte. Sirius was no help. So far, he had not apologized to either James or Remus for his deeds and James doubted that he ever would. Sirius was pure-blood to the core and pure-bloods rarely apologized to anyone. James was guilty of the same crime: He could count the times in his life where he had apologized on one hand. He had always considered that a sign of his strong personality, but now he doubted that it really was a virtue. It certainly would make it easier to fix things.

‘I am going to talk to Sirius,’ said Remus, interrupting James’s train of thought. ‘Maybe that is the way to fix this mess.’

‘What?’ said James surprised. ‘What would you ever talk to him about? You two have not spoken a single word since that night.’

‘Yes, and a fat lot of good it did,’ said Remus. ‘I am going to see if we can work things out. You know that Sirius is not going to make the first step. He is a stubborn git after all. Maybe if I can build a bridge for him, we can put this mess behind us.’

‘You... you would forgive him?’ asked James, who could not believe his ears.

‘Yes, I would,’ said Remus. James gave his friend another thorough look. At first he thought that this was the alcohol talking, but Remus looked sharper and more determined than he had at any time during their encounter. James could see a steely look in his friend’s eye which he had rarely seen before. Usually, Remus looked like that, when he tried to stop some over the top prank.

‘But why?’ asked James. ‘You are the one has wronged the most. Why would you even consider making up with him?’

‘Because keeping the conflict alive is only hurting all of us,’ said Remus. ‘Of course I am still furious with Sirius, but I am going to offer him the chance to explain his actions and see if we can reach an agreement. As you have pointed out, I am the one most affected by his betrayal, so I have to be the first to forgive him.’

‘I can’t imagine anything he might say to you that will make things right again,’ said James.

‘You should not underestimate the power of a heartfelt apology,’ said Remus, sounding strangely like Dumbledore at that moment. ‘Besides, I believe in second chances.’

‘I am not sure I do,’ grumbled James.

‘Dumbledore does, so there must be something right about them’, said Remus.

‘You are a bigger man than I am,’ said James. ‘I have not talked with Sirius about his reasons for betraying us since that night and I have no desire to do it in the future.’

‘You are very stubborn, James,’ said Remus. ‘That leaves you at quite a disadvantage when forgiving people.’

‘Maybe,’ said James. ‘Still, I have a feeling that there is more to your motivation to talk to Sirius than you are letting on. If I recall correctly, you are quite good at holding a grudge as well. I remember you not speaking to Peter for a month when he ate his way through your chocolate stash. Why are you so forgiving all of a sudden?’

‘Consider it payback,’ said Remus. ‘You have done so much for me in the last few years that it is about time that I do something for you. I know that you want Sirius back, but you are way too stubborn to make it happen on your own. So, I will see if I can pave the way, so we all can be happy again.’

‘I can’t let you do this, Remus,’ said James, his own voice thick all of a sudden. ‘I can’t let you just forgive such an injustice just because it would make me happy.’

‘You can and you will,’ said Remus firmly. ‘You know me James, when have you ever succeeded in talking me out of something once I have made up my mind? I have not forgiven anything yet. I have merely decided to talk to Sirius. Maybe I will forgive him afterwards, maybe not.’

‘I will come with you,’ said James. He knew that he would never convince Remus not to go and he was really glad that he did not have to. Hope blossomed in his heart. Maybe things were going to get back to normal very soon.

‘No, you won’t,’ said Remus gently. ‘You and Sirius are both too stubborn to have a proper conversation about this. I will do this on my own. You are free to talk to Sirius afterwards, though.’

James opened his mouth to protest, but then he remembered the conversation Sirius and he had had on the night of his best mate’s betrayal. Maybe Remus did have a point. Maybe it was a good idea to let him handle this. James closed his mouth again and looked at the falling snow for a moment trying to gather his thoughts.

When he was done, he closed the distance between himself and Remus and pulled his friend in a tight hug. Remus was obviously surprise but did not resist him.

‘Thank you,’ said James. ‘I cannot tell you how much this means to me.’

To his horror, James realized that he was close to tears himself. He had never been so grateful in his life. If this was the first part of the Marauder’s rebirth, he would never forget it.

‘It is the least I could do,’ said Remus. His voice sounded thick, too. James could not believe how emotional they were all of sudden. They acted like a bunch of girls. Still, it was nice to be able to open up like this once in a while.

After a few minutes, James and Remus broke apart. James suddenly realized how cold he was. In contrast to Remus, he was only protected by his coat rather than by a heating charm.

‘We should go,’ he said to Remus. ‘I am freezing.’

Remus just nodded and took out his wand. He shrank the bottle of firewhiskey and stuffed it into his pocket. Then the two of them walked back into the castle down the staircase leading to the astronomy tower in silence.

‘Here we are,’ said Remus after they had reached the bottom of the staircase. ‘Well, I am going to head to the kitchens. I had to promise my nutter of a best friend that I will get something proper to eat. I will be back in the dorm, soon.’

‘Take your time,’ said James with a smile on his face. ‘And don’t skip the main course and hop straight to the dessert. I know all about your sweet tooth.’

Remus just rolled his eyes and walked away. James walked slowly back to Gryffindor tower, feeling better than he had in a long time.

Chapter 13

Chapter Text

A few days later, James was sitting in the Gryffindor common room and tried to read the current edition of ‘Which Broomstick’. Sadly, he was way too distracted to focus on the review of the new Nimbus model and therefore had to reread each paragraph at least twice before he had actually understood it. It was terribly annoying. The source of his distractedness were two things: First of all, Remus had decided that today was the day he would try to mend things with Sirius and was currently talking with their estranged friend. The thought set James on edge. He could not even begin to untangle the cluster of emotions it caused him. Remus had barely been gone ten minutes, but James already wished that he would hurry up and get back here. He was dying to know what was going on. To make matters even worse, Lily had chosen today of all days to ‘study’ with her annoying git of a boyfriend in the common room. Luke Palmer was a tall and thin sixth year, with dark brown hair which he wore slicked back and blue eyes. Palmer was rather popular among the ladies of Hogwarts, but James considered him nothing special. So far, Palmer and he had had very little contact, but since Palmer had started dating Lily, James had stared to dislike him. James knew that this was just his jealously talking and that it was not overly mature of him to think badly of Palmer when he had done nothing at all to antagonize him, but he could not help it. There was something about Palmer which just drove him up the bloody wall. And Lily was making things even worse. The two of them were sitting together on a small couch in one of the corners of the common room. Officially, they were studying for their transfiguration essay, but James found it had to believe that, giving how giggly Lily was all of the sudden. What on earth was going on there? He had never heard her giggle like that during the last six years at Hogwarts.

He tried to tell himself that he was only annoyed at the two of them, because he was trying to read in peace. However, a part of him knew that he probably would not have cared at all if someone other than Lily had been amusing herself in the common room with her boyfriend. He made an annoyed sound in the back of his throat. Apparently, he had done that already multiple times in the past minutes, as Marlene who had been sitting next to him the whole time, looked up from her Charms essay and threw him a pitying look.

‘What?’ asked James.

‘Can you please stop doing that?’ she said. ‘I am trying to concentrate and your huffs are not helping.’

‘I am not huffing,’ said James moodily. ‘And it is impossible to concentrate here anyway with this bloody giggling going on.’

‘Just ignore them,’ said Marlene. ‘What is the matter with you? You are not normally that touchy. And you are not even doing homework anyway. You should be able to read your magazine no matter the noise.’

‘It takes a lot of concentration to read that broomstick review properly, thank you very much,’ said James. Marlene only rolled her eyes in response. ‘I just can’t believe that she brought her bloody boyfriend here. This is the Gryffindor common room and he is a Ravenclaw.’

‘Oh, and you have never brought a member of another house into Gryffindor tower, right?’ asked Marlene.

James had, of course. However, he usually limited himself to bring his guests up to their dorm, rather than studying with them in the common room. Still, he knew that he was a right hypocrite considering how many nights Amber had spent in his bed in this very tower. Still, he had always been stubborn and he was not going to admit that he was wrong to Marlene.

‘That is different and you know it,’ he said. ‘I have never brought them to the common room. Therefore, I have never disrupted the studious atmosphere, just because I had to entertain some guests.’

‘Right,’ said Marlene. ‘Because you care so much about studying. Just admit that the only reason you are angry is that Lily is enjoying herself with her boyfriend only a few feet away.’

‘Rubbish,’ said James, though it clearly wasn’t rubbish at all. ‘I would be annoyed even if it was someone else over there.’

‘Sure thing, James,’ said Marlene. ‘You know, you can’t fool me with that act. Frankly, I am not surprised. You have fancied Lily for such a long time that it is normal to be jealous of her boyfriend. Frankly, I am surprised that you have handled it that well so far. I expected you to hex Luke at the first opportunity.’

‘I think you overestimate Lily’s influence on my life,’ said James. ‘I have not hexed anybody because they were too close to Lily for over a year now.’

‘And I am very glad that you have given up that particular habit,’ said Marlene. ‘Well, I suppose having Amber helps to take your mind of Lily. Though, I have to admit that things are better between Lily and you by now. You can even have a normal conversation without screaming at each other two minutes in. I never would have expected to see the day.’

‘Yeah, that is something I don’t understand myself,’ said James. Normally, he would have tried to change the subject by now, as he was not comfortable with discussing his love life with Marlene, but he saw the opportunity to pick Marlene’s brain about Lily’s recent behaviour, so he barrelled on. ‘Things have improved a lot since we visited that ceremony together. And that does not make sense at all, as we have spent most of the time arguing with each other. When I first offered her my help, she nearly bit my head off and all the time we spent at my place were not fun either. I really can’t see why she likes me more now.’

‘Well, I have wondered about that myself,’ said Marlene. ‘I have talked about this with Lily and I think this her first real glance at you as a person. When she looks at you, she tends to see the troublemaker who thinks he is king of the world. The fact that you have helped her, even though the two of you don’t even get along, has forced her to adjust that picture. Also, I think that the time you spent together helped Lily better understand you. It was her first real glance at the pure-blood lifestyle and I think it really helped clear things up.’

‘You think that Lily and I did not get along, because she is muggle-born and I am pure-blood?’ asked James. He was not sure how he felt about that assessment. He liked to think that he treated everyone the same, no matter what blood they had. Was Marlene implying that this was not true?

‘I think this is part of it,’ said Marlene. ‘Not because you purposely treat her differently than others or look down on her. I just think that your upbringing is a huge part of who you are and why you do things in a certain way. You get into a lot of trouble at school, because you see it as an opportunity to be free. Lily could never understand that, because she does not know how stifling being a pure-blood can be. I think that by now she can better understand you and this helps mending the rift between the two of you. Of course this works both ways. You have to understand how she feels as well if the two of you ever want to get along.’

‘You know, that actually makes a lot of sense,’ said James. ‘I have never considered our upbringings before, but you are right. We are from different worlds and therefore of course see things differently.’

‘I think part of the reason you are such good friends with Sirius is that the two of you share rather similar fates,’ said Marlene. ‘You both are heirs of a noble pure-blood family after all. Of course, Sirius is in a much more difficult position than you are, but I general you two can easily relate.’

‘Yeah, I guess,’ said James. He did not bother to point out that Sirius and he were not seeing eye to eye at the moment. Marlene did not know what happened between them, but she probably had some shrewd idea what was going on. His thoughts returned to Remus. He wondered how things were going with Sirius and him. He glanced at Peter, who was sitting at the table next to them, scribbling at his History of Magic essay. His friend was blissfully unaware of the loaded conversation Remus and Sirius were probably having right now. James had wanted to tell him about it, but Remus had asked him to keep it to himself for now. He had not wanted to get Peter’s hopes up, before he had any results. James had honoured his friend’s wish, though at the moment he would have gladly swapped with Peter. That way he would not have to think about what was going to happen with his two friends all the time.

‘You know, you seem awfully preoccupied,’ said Marlene, after silence had fallen between them for a few minutes. ‘Is something bothering you?’

‘Just thinking about Marauder business,’ said James vaguely. He did not want Marlene involved in this issue. Marauder internal affairs were just that: internal. It did not matter that Marlene was his oldest friend. He still kept a lot of secrets from her, including his animagus transformation, the cloak and the Marauder’s Map. It was not a matter of trust. He would trust Marlene with almost anything, but the more people knew about a secret, the harder it was to keep. Therefore, the four of them tended to keep all sensitive information close to their chest. This explicitly included girlfriends and casual hook-ups. With their rather mysterious reputation, many girls tried to wheedle their secrets out of them whenever they shagged one of them. Sirius had complained countless times that it was impossible to have a shag in this school without being ask to reveal your deepest secrets. James thought that Sirius had it rather easy, as he was not interested in proper relationships and just moved on to the next girl when he got annoyed or bored. He imagined that keeping the secrets could be a serious hassle when one wanted to have a deep relationship with a girl. Assuming of course said girl was actually interested in knowing these secrets. Amber for example never pried for any information. If he said he was busy one night, she never asked why. Instead, she just accepted it and made different plans. James wondered whether this acceptance was caused by their strange pseudo relationship or just part of her character. Whatever the reason, he definitely liked it. It certainly made his life easier. It was hard to find suitable excuses why you could not spent the night and he had to come up with one every full moon. You could only keep lying for so long after all. Still, James was sure that he would not tell her what he was doing even if she kept pressing him. He was too loyal to his friends to spill the beans for a bird. If Amber were to press him too much, he would just have to break up with her. That was just the way it was. An uncomfortable thought streaked though James’s mind at the moment. Would he find it so easy to protect their secrets if he was dating Lily Evans? Would he be able to break things off if he could no longer lie to her? James knew without a doubt that Lily would never accept being kept in the dark. After all, she was even now prying into what they were up to and they had only become friends recently. James could barely imagine how close an eye she would keep on him if they were dating. Not that that would ever happen. Or would it? They were more or less friendly after all at the moment. Maybe something could grow out of that if she ever decided to ditch Palmer... James pushed the thought away. He was with Amber and should not obsess over Evans! He was already thinking about dating problems before they had even started after all!

‘Ah yes, Marauder business,’ said Marlene. ‘Do I have to worry about some half-witted prank? You guys have been very quiet during the last few weeks. Are you planning anything big?’

‘You know, I can’t tell you,’ said James. It was true that they had not being active. Without Sirius neither Remus, nor Peter, nor James had felt like pranking anyone. James found it hard to believe that merely a few months ago, he had spent so much of his energy on something as trivial as pranks. Looking back, these days suddenly seemed much brighter and more carefree than today. Well, there still was hope that everything would be alright again if they managed to mend things with Sirius. That clearly was the first step to recovery.

The portrait hole opened and Remus stepped through. James heart gave a lurch. He tried to gauge Remus’s mood, but his friend’s face was carefully blank. Still, James considered it a good sign that he was not visibly angry. That probably meant that Sirius had behaved himself. Remus motioned James to get up to the dormitory and walked up the steps himself. James bade goodbye to Marlene and hurried after him. He could feel Marlene’s interested gaze on his back. She probably was going to grill him about this later. Well, it could not be helped. He burst into the dormitory at top speed and hurriedly closed the door behind him.

‘And?’ he asked Remus. ‘What did he say?’

Before answering him, Remus cast a locking charm followed by a silencing charm on the door.

‘We had a rather good talk,’ said Remus. ‘He apologized for his behaviour and tried to explain to me why he did it. I cannot say that I really understand him, but I can see now that he did not intend to hurt me with his betrayal. I am not sure that things will ever be the same again, but I think we should try being friends again.’

James released a breath that he had not realized he had been holding. Relief washed over him. Remus and Sirius had worked things out! Everything was going to be as it had been before the rift! Before he could get overexcited about that new, his mind caught up with him. He was getting ahead of himself.

‘Are you sure you are alright with this?’ he asked Remus. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled that you two had a good talk, but this is a lot to forgive. I don’t want you to forgive him, just because you feel like you owe me something.’

‘We have been over this, James,’ sighed Remus. ‘I am not having that discussion again. What’s done is done. I have decided to give things with Sirius another try and you will have to accept that.’

‘Alright,’ said James, recognizing a lost cause when he saw one. He did not like Remus’s reasoning, but he was glad that his friend had decided to mend things with Sirius nevertheless. However, one more problem remained: He still had to patch things up with his former best mate. James’s stomach lurched uncomfortable at that thought. Their last discussion about that particular topic had been very heated. He was not sure whether he would be able to talk to Sirius without losing his temper again. That probably dependent on how difficult Sirius was going to be. Still, there was no avoiding it. Things were only going to go back to normal if both Remus and he would forgive Sirius. Oh, and Peter as well, though James did not imagine that to be very difficult. Peter tended to follow the other’s example and if both Remus and James were in favour of forgiving their wayward friend, Peter would be fine with it as well. However, knowing that something was necessary and scoping up the courage to do it were two very different things. James hated the thought of having to talk with Sirius. He had avoided it for so long by now that it felt unnatural to seek his friend out.

‘I think we should get this over with today,’ said Remus. ‘Sirius mentioned that he was going to head down to the kitchens for some dessert. I am sure that you will still be able to find him there if you hurry. You know how much his loves sweets. He is going to take this time.’

‘Yeah, you are probably right,’ said James. ‘I could hop down there. Where are the map and the cloak?’

‘I put them on your bed,’ said Remus.

‘Oh,’ said James. He had hoped that both items were someplace hard to reach so that he would be able to buy some time.

‘Well, if you think it is a good idea, than I suppose I could head out now. I don’t want to overwhelm Sirius, you know. After all, the two of you have just talked. Maybe it would be a good idea to give him some time to process it all, you now.’

‘James,’ said Remus gently. ‘You are making up reasons not to go. I understand that it is not easy for you, but it will be fine, I promise. Just go down there and have a talk with him. All you have to do is not lose your temper and it will be fine.’

‘Alright, alright,’ said James. He did not like being pushed like that, but he knew that Remus was right. It was about time that he let all of this behind him. ‘Come looking for me if I am not back in an hour, will you? I think there is a serious risk that Sirius and I will trade some hexes.’

‘Will do,’ said Remus, though he rolled his eyes at James’s dramatics.

James bade him goodbye, grabbed the map and the cloak and was on his way.

Five minutes later, he entered the school kitchens. He spotted Sirius right away, sitting on a small stool in a corner with a basket of éclairs in front of him which he seemed to demolish at top speed. James made his way over to his wayward friend while waving at the house elves. He was familiar with most of them as the Marauders had started visiting the kitchens back in their second year. He plopped down on a stool next to Sirius who seemed to have trouble believing that James was really here.

‘Hello Sirius,’ said James.

‘Well, it seems that this is my lucky day,’ said Sirius after swallowing the bits of éclair in his mouth. ‘First Moony, than you. Did you two plan this?’

‘Not entirely,’ said James. ‘Remus has decided that he wanted to talk to you. Apparently, things went well, as he told me to join you down here, so that we can work things out.’

‘And he managed to convince your stubborn arse?’ asked Sirius. ‘I am impressed.’

James felt a spike of anger at Sirius’s callous words. He was no more stubborn than Sirius was, after all! Nevertheless, he swallowed the scalding response on his tongue. Sirius was trying to provoke him, probably to see what exactly James was trying to do. He probably did not believe that James was here to fix things. James could not blame him for that. After all, so far he had done very little to mend the rift between them.

‘He did,’ said James softly.

‘He must be more persuasive than I thought, then,’ said Sirius. ‘Well, what do you want to talk about?’

‘What did you talk about with Remus?’ asked James rather than answering Sirius’s question. He had hoped that Sirius would make things easier for him, but so far his former best mate was only stalling for time.

‘That is between him and me,’ said Sirius. ‘I don’t blab about private conversations.’

‘Could have fooled me,’ said James, before he could help himself. Sirius gave him a sharp look and for a moment James thought that he would rise to the bait. Then, to his great surprise, Sirius deflated visibly and just looked defeated.

‘I suppose, I deserved that,’ he said quietly. ‘Listen, James I am sorry about telling Snape Moony’s secret. I will never betray any of us again for as long as I live! I promise! I would rather die!’

He looked James straight in the eye as he pledged his loyalty. Grey eyes met hazels ones and James could see that Sirius was telling the truth. Sirius had always been a loyal person, as was visualized by his animagus form. James believed that his friend had learned something from the recent months and that he really would rather die than betray any more of their secrets.

‘I know,’ said James. Shock flooded over Sirius’s face. He clearly had not expected James to be that understanding. Relief followed the surprise quickly and Sirius face split into a huge smile. ‘I know that you did not intend to hurt Moony when you sent Snape down there, but if you ever harm him in such a way ever again, then we are done for good.’

‘Fair enough,’ said Sirius. ‘And I won’t hurt him like that ever again, I promise. I... I have missed you, James. More than I would have thought. Not just you, of course, the others as well. I thought I would be fine on my own, but it seems that I was wrong. I want things to go back to normal and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make things right.’

‘You don’t have to do anything,’ said James. ‘Hearing that you are sorry from someone as stubborn as you is more than enough. Welcome back, Padfoot.’

Sirius looked as him as though he was mad.

‘That’s it?’ he asked incredulously. ‘You just forgive me like that? I would have thought that you would make me beg, just to prove your point! Don’t you even want to know why I did it?’

‘I already know why,’ said James. ‘You were angry and hurt, so you lashed back at Snape using his own curiosity against him. Remus was just a tool for your revenge. It was a cunning plan, but it also was cold and cruel. I can understand why you did it Sirius, but it was wrong nevertheless. I had a lot of time to think about this night during the last month and I can’t continue blaming you for what you did. You acted like you were taught to act from a very young age and I should not fault for you that. I should have been there to support you against Snape and I should have stopped you before you even put that plan into motion. Instead, I left you on your own, even though I should have known better. I am at least partially responsible for that night as well.’

‘Bullocks,’ said Sirius. ‘You are not my father or my babysitter, James. You are not to blame for my actions! I am a big boy, I am responsible for my actions!’

‘Then proof it!’ said James. ‘Proof that you don’t need me to hold your leash! You like to say that you are so different from your family, but tricking Snape like that was Slytherin to the core! So what is it, Sirius? Are you different from your rotten family or are you not? If you are, then act like it and don’t rely on me as your bloody moral compass! I still believe that you are a good person at heart, which is why I want to mend things with you. But this doesn’t mean that I am going to turn a blind eye to such behaviour. I may have missed you like hell during our month apart, but I can’t stay friends with a bad person. Please, Sirius, don’t make walk away from you.’

Sirius was silent for a moment. He looked dumb struck by James outburst. James wondered whether he had gone too far. Sirius was notoriously bad in talking about his emotions or even in admitting they existed in the first place. Maybe James had scared him off, by cutting to the heart of the matter. After all, this was what the rift was really about: Whether or not Sirius truly was a good person. Well, there was no going back now. He would just have to see what his friend was going to do now. Still, James preferred to openly state what you wanted even if it could have consequences rather than bottling it all up and suffering in silence. He had done enough dancing around the issue over the last month after all.

‘Alright’, said Sirius a few minutes later.

‘What?’ asked James, who had not expected that answer at all. ‘What is that supposed to mean?’

‘It means, that I am going to try to be a good person, obviously,’ said Sirius, rolling his eyes. ‘Have you not been paying attention?’

Now it was James’s turn to be surprised by an easy victory.

‘I would have expected more of a fight,’ said James wearily. ‘Honestly, I half expected you to blow up at me, denying that you are anything like your family and then punching me in the face, before you stalked out of the room.’

‘Don’t be so dramatic, Prongs,’ said Sirius. ‘I never would have done that.’

James only gave him a sharp look in reply.

‘Alright, maybe I would have done that in other circ*mstances,’ admitted Sirius. ‘But you are not the only one who had a lot of time to think about everything. I have thought long and hard about that night and I have come to more or less the same conclusion as you have. It is not easy to admit, but that night I reverted back to the behaviour my family taught me during all those years. I am not proud of it and it is not going to happen again. I promise.’

‘Great,’ said James, relieved at how repentant Sirius was. It was not like him at all. Normally, his best mate never apologized for anything he had done nor did he seek other person’s forgiveness. The last few weeks must have been harder on Sirius than James had expected. He decided not to point that out though. The conversation was already heavy enough without him poking at Sirius’s central character traits. ‘I am sure, you will not disappoint me Sirius.’

Sirius looked at him again and for a moment James thought his best mate was going to cry. The relief on Sirius’s face was gone a split second later, though. It was replaced by his normal carefully neutral expression. James bit back a smile. He should have known. Sirius had always had trouble showing his true feeling, probably because of his upbringing. Many pure-bloods liked to appear stoic, so they discourage their children from showing their emotions at all. James’s parents had not placed too much importance on that issue, but Sirius’s clearly had. Sirius would probably never admit, how important making up with James was for him, but James knew nevertheless. The short flash of emotion on his friend’s face was more than enough for him. James thought it was best to end their conversation now. They were already way out of their comfort zone and everything important had been said. Now, all that remained was to wait and see whether they would truly be friends again. James did not know for sure, but he was rather optimistic.

‘Thanks, Prongs,’ said Sirius quietly, ending James’s train of thought.

‘Anytime, Padfoot,’ said James.

Silence fell between the two of them. James briefly considered leaving, but he could not gather the necessary energy. The short but intense talk with Sirius had been exhausting. Instead, he reached into the basket at Sirius’s feet and took an éclair out of it. He shoved it in his mouth and started chewing. It was the best éclair of his life.

Chapter 14

Chapter Text

James slumped down into his seat in their transfiguration classroom, ignoring the cold look McGonagall gave him when he did so. He supposed it was understandable that she was rather miffed at him at the moment. After all, today the Marauders had done their first prank since mending the rift between them! Sirius, Remus and he had solved their issue about a week ago and as James had predicted, it had been rather easy to get Peter to forgive Sirius as well. Being back to their full strength, they had decided to celebrate by pulling their first prank in a long time. Of course, there had been certain restrictions. James was still try to appear well behaved and therefore must not be caught pulling any prank. Remus had stressed that he did not want the prank to be damaging to anyone. Instead, it should be harmless fun and not disrupt classes too much. Also, James had pointed out that it probably was not that good an idea to hex the Slytherins. With Snape knowing their secret, they had to be careful not to antagonize him so much that he blurted it out to anyone. Even though Dumbledore had made Snape promise, James would rather not test his luck. Sirius had promptly complained that pranking was not fun under these circ*mstances, but they had continued with their planning nevertheless. After a few hours, they had come up with a perfect solution and had pulled it off flawlessly this morning. Peter had been the one to come up with the key idea. He liked to ice skate, but so far this winter had only allowed him to do so once. Either the ice was too thin or the weather was too foul to even consider going outside. So, Peter had suggested having some ice inside of Hogwarts, so that students could safely ice skate indoors. Remus had eagerly latched onto the idea, saying that had seen such indoor ice lakes in certain Muggle stadiums. Even Sirius had agreed that it sounded fun, even though he hated ice skating. He said it was impossible to look dignified while wearing those ridiculous shoes. James had to agree, but he still enjoyed ice skating. He had only started at Hogwarts, because ice skating was a Muggle sport and therefore not known to pure-bloods like him. He had first seen it at Hogwarts and being the person he was he had tried it immediately. He had done a lot of ice skating during the winter of their fourth year, mostly so he would get good enough to impress Lily, who was an avid ice skater herself. Sirius had made fun of him then and to this day refused to even set a foot onto the ice. James suspected that Sirius just did not want to risk making a fool out of himself.

Having decided on what they wanted to do, they had sprung into motion. A suitable spell was easily found, but naturally they did not stop at simply creating eternal ice. No, they needed to add further measures to make sure that the teachers could not just remove the ice again. They also added a cushioning charm, so that people could not hurt themselves when the lost their balance during skating. It took some thinking, but in the end they had come up with the perfect spell. They had decided to enchant the entrance hall. This way, everyone would have to notice their work. Naturally, this would hamper anybody walking in and out of the castles, but they were alright with that. It was a prank after all. They had snuck down in the early hours of the morning and began their work. Enchanting the hall had taken them close to half an hour which was an uncomfortably long time. While far less people were patrolling the castle during the morning than in the evening, the risk of getting caught by an early riser was still rather high. Fortunately, nobody had disturbed them and they were able to complete their work and sneak back to their dormitory in peace. When they had went down to breakfast a few hours later, their head of house was already waiting for them. While some students were already testing the ice and obviously were rather eager to skate, McGonagall was not amused at all. She had tried to put all four of them in detention. Naturally, the marauders had protested, claiming that they were completely innocent. McGonagall interrogated them for a while, trying to make them slip up and admit the deed.

Fortunately, they had enough practice in these kind of things to give themselves away. Even Peter, who had been terrible at lying when he first arrived at Hogwarts, had become quite adept at handling the teachers. So, McGonagall had no choice, but to let them off the hook, much to her displeasure. James had not felt that happy for a long time. It was almost as it had been last year, when their world had still been simpler. Even though the progress was encouraging, there was no denying that they were still fragile. There was an undercurrent of mistrust in their interaction. While both Remus and James had forgiven Sirius, they were still not entirely convinced that he had truly learned his lesson. The trust Sirius had shattered with his betrayal would take more time to regrow. Sirius seemed to sense it too, as he was unusually polite with them. That wasn’t saying much though, as Sirius tended to be rather rude to most people. Overall, James was optimistic, but knew that they still had a long way to go.

‘That was bloody brilliant,’ hissed Sirius, bringing James’s attention back to the present. ‘The look on Minnie’s face when she had to let us go was priceless! I can’t believe that we did not even get a single detention. We should do something like that again very soon.’

‘Careful, Padfoot,’ said James quietly. ‘McGonagall is still watching us. Don’t slip up now. Remember, we had absolutely nothing to do with that prank and are horrified about this blatant transgression of school rules.’

‘Of course we are,’ said Sirius, rolling his eyes. ‘You know, I have always said that taking credit for a well done prank is half the fun, but I am starting to take a liking to getting away unscathed. It frees up so much of my time. I had tonight blocked for the unavoidable detention, but now it seems that I am free to whatever I please. Maybe I should for a date. I could do with a shag.’

‘Who’s the victim?’ asked James.

‘Hm... maybe Violetta Greengrass?’ asked Sirius. ‘I think she fancies me.’

‘You think that everybody fancies you, Padfoot,’ said James, rolling his eyes.

‘And I am right, am I not?’ asked Sirius, rhetorically. ‘So what do you think of Violetta? I think she is really fit.’

‘She is rather pretty,’ admitted James. ‘But she is a Slytherin, a pure-blood and a fourth year.’

‘I have no problems with teaching a young woman how to love,’ said Sirius haughtily. ‘And what colour her tie is does not matter at all. I have to admit that it took me some time to get over my distaste for everything Slytherin, but I am glad I did change my mind. Some of the best shags I ever had were with Slytherin girls. And what does her being a pure-blood have to do with anything?’

‘I am glad that you so generously share your love with the female population of Hogwarts,’ said James, rolling his eyes. ‘Do you really think that a pure-blood girl will just let you shag her in some broom cupboard? I don’t think so. Most of the more traditional families guard their virginity vigorously as they know it is expected of them to be a virgin bride. As Slytherin is chock full with traditional pure-bloods, you will most likely be out of your luck.’

‘You know, you are right,’ said Sirius. ‘How could I forget about that? Maybe hanging around with the mostly progressive pure-bloods in Gryffindor has confused me. Well, I am going to try anyway. After all, not all pure-bloods girls are prudes. Amber for example is a pure-blood as has no qualms shagging a bloke she is not married to and I assume that you were not her first.’

‘Keep your voice down,’ hissed James. He did not want any additional information about Amber and him to spread around the castle. ‘And no, I wasn’t.’

‘See, there is hope for me yet,’ said Sirius happily. ‘And if not, I will just have to find someone else for some tumbling. I will be fine.’

‘Sometimes I wonder how you still find any witch willing to shag you,’ said James, shaking his head. ‘Have you ever managed to end things amicably with a girl you have shagged? By now, most of the girls in the castle must have shagged you and hate your guts by now.’

‘You exaggerate James,’ said Sirius. ‘I have not shagged that many girls. I only managed to bed eleven so far. There are a lot of girls left in this castle for me. Besides, my reputation as a womanizer only turns off girls looking for a boyfriend. Birds looking for some fun know that they will be very happy with me.’

‘Good for you,’ said James. ‘I just think that you should try a proper relationship some time. Maybe you will even like it.’

‘Now, that is unlikely,’ said Sirius. ‘I think, I will pass. Relationships never work and they take way too much time. You have to be a romantic to even think about them. You are a romantic, James, but I am not. Don’t try to force your lifestyle on me.’

Just as James wanted to say that he did not want to force anything onto Sirius, McGonagall’s voice rang out. Apparently, she had noticed the two of them talking with each other.’

‘Mr. Potter, Mr. Black,’ she snapped, making both of them jump. ‘Is there anything you might want to share with this class?’

‘No, professor,’ they chorused, arranging their faces in to an innocent expression. James could tell that McGonagall was still miffed with them. Her lips were still rather thin. They would have to tread carefully if they did not want to find themselves in detention after all.

‘Now, that is not a surprise,’ huffed McGonagall. ‘I can’t have the two of you interrupting my lesson. We are dealing with partial human transfiguration today for the first time. This kind of transfiguration can only be done when you are concentrating properly. Your antics are not helping at all, so I am going to separate the two of you.’

‘Oh, come on Professor,’ said Sirius. ‘Now, you are just overreacting.’

‘It is not your job to judge the way I teach, Mr. Black,’ she said coldly. ‘Now get up from your seat. Ms. Evans, kindly switch with Mr. Black so that he works with Ms. McKinnon.’

‘But, professor,’ protested Marlene. ‘Is there nobody else Black can swap with? Black and I are not a good mix and neither are James and Lily.’

‘Ms. Evans is a prefect,’ said McGonagall. ‘I am counting on her to control Mr. Potter. You and Mr. Black will just have to get adjusted to each other. Now, move it. I am not going to waste and more time discussing this.’

‘Well, that could be fun,’ whispered Sirius. ‘Don’t let Evans kill you during your inevitable argument. In the meantime, I am going to see if I can push some of Marlene’s buttons. ‘

‘Don’t overdo it,’ said James. A ticked off Marlene was going to do something drastic to Sirius and James was going to suffer the fallout from both her and him. He was not overly worried about working with Lily. After all, they were no longer enemies. In fact, he probably would even enjoy spending some time with her. They still were not friends, but rather friendly acquaintances. James liked the status quo much more than their fighting or mutual disdain, so he was interested in keeping things the way they were. Who knows, maybe they could even improve them further and end up as proper friends. A part of James was still harbouring hope that Lily was going to become his girlfriend in the foreseeable future, but he did not let this hope rise to the surface. He still was with Amber and things were well between them, even though they were running on borrowed time. Also, Lily had a boyfriend and James was not going to steal her away from him. Naturally, he refrained from trying not because of moral reasons, but because he knew that it would never work with Lily. She was way too loyal to be swept away from him. So, he was going to play nice and just see what would happen.

Sirius walked away from their table to join Marlene in front of the classroom and was replaced by Lily a minute later. As she sat down, her long red hair which she had arranged in a neat ponytail swung in James’s direction and he caught a whiff of a flowery scent which probably was her shampoo. Something inside him squirmed at the smell and resisted the urge to inhale deeply. He cursed inwardly. He was drifting back into being a love-sick idiot around her if he did not get a grip on himself! By now, he had given up on denying his attraction to the pretty redhead. It was okay to feel that way as long as he did not make a bloody fool out of himself all the time. Hopefully, she would not notice his distraction.

‘Hey there,’ whispered Lily as she sat down in the chair. ‘McGonagall is rather cross with you, isn’t she?’

James made to answer her, but a cold look from McGonagall quieted him. Instead, he just nodded and refocused his attention back to the teacher, who had started droning on about human transfiguration. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Lily extracting a piece of parchment out of her bag as well as a quill and some ink. She started taking notes diligently. James had to stifle a smile. He should have known. Lily was known in Gryffindor for taking ridiculously detailed notes in all subjects. She was even able to take notes in History of Magic, while almost all other students were bored into stupor by Binns’s droning voice. James usually did not bother taking notes in transfiguration. He was naturally gifted at the subjects and usually tinkered with transfiguration well beyond their current curriculum for fun. Also, as a regular reader of transfiguration today, he learned a lot of more advanced transfiguration. He considered it pointless to write down what he already knew and only did it once in a while if one of the other Marauders was absent and had asked him to take notes for him. Today, it was even more pointless to take notes. As an animagus, he knew a lot about human transfiguration and therefore was not at all challenged by today’s subject. He glanced at their teacher, who seemed to have noticed that he was not writing down anything, but so far had refrained from commenting. James knew that McGonagall appreciated his talent for transfiguration. It was the only reason why she tolerated him not paying attention in her class. James had a sudden idea: He knew that McGonagall was going to spent most of today’s double period to lay the theoretical fundament of human transfiguration and that meant that most of the class would be spent taking notes and listening to her talking. He probably should use this time productively. Lily was not going to be much fun as long as McGonagall explained the theory. She was paying so much attention to their teacher that she did not even glance at James and he knew that distracting her was only going to earn him a few sharp reprimands. Normally, when he was bored in class, he would swap notes with the other Marauders or pull a prank, but he doing that today would be very foolish. McGonagall was already ticked off with him and was paying close attention to all four of the Marauders. Peter and Remus were diligently taking notes, while James suspected that neither of them really needed them. While Remus was not an animagus and not particularly good at transfiguration, he had been exposed to a lot of advanced transfiguration when the other Marauder’s had tried to become animagi. Peter should have little problems as well. Neither of his two friends seemed willing to risk McGonagall’s wrath, just to entertain him.

He stole another glance at Lily and had to bite back a groan. She was still taking her notes, but at the moment had stopped writing as she was busy looking at McGonagall who was just drawing a complicated looking diagram on the blackboard. Given that she had nothing to do with her quill at the moment, she had placed it into her mouth and was sucking on it. James mind went straight to the gutter and he imagined her sucking his co*ck like that. He could feel himself harden in his pants and quickly averted his eyes. He was going to make a fool out of himself if he continued looking at her. Instead, he refocused his attention on the diagram on the blackboard. He recognized it immediately, now that it was complete and felt his attention wander on immediately. He just could not focus on this class without being ridiculously bored. As he could not goof around with the other marauders and could not talk or even look at Lily at the moment, he was going to do something productive instead. He opened his school bag for the first time during the lesson and extracted a piece of parchment, quill, ink and his potion book. He had a potion essay to finish and now was as well a time as any to do so. He just needed to be careful: If McGonagall found out that he was doing homework in her class, he would be in a lot of trouble. He stealthily tapped the potion book with his wand. It changed his appearance to match his transfiguration book, which he had not even bothered to take down from the dormitory. There, now McGonagall would just think that he was taking notes like everybody else in this class. James dipped his quill in ink and started to work.

After more than an hour James had made good progress on his essay. Fortunately, McGonagall was very good at keeping the class silent, so he only had to filter out her voice to be able to work in peace. It was not perfect, but it had worked much better than he had expected. He would need to put in some more effort in the essay this evening, but he was satisfied with his work anyway. Sadly, McGonagall had just finished with her theoretical explanation and the time to practice human transfiguration had come. Nevertheless, he was feeling pretty good at the moment. Doing transfiguration always brought a smile on his face. He quietly whistled a tune as he put his essay as well as his book back into his bag, just after McGonagall had told them to start practicing their first human transfiguration spell: Crinus Muto which changed the colour and style of the casters hair. When he looked back up, he found Lily looking at him with a confused expression on his face.

‘What?’ he asked her. Had he done anything wrong? He did not think so. Why was she looking at him like that?

‘What was that you were whistling?’ she asked.

‘Err,’ said James who had not expected that question. What had he been whistling? He had been paying attention. He wrecked his brain for a moment, before coming up with the answer. ‘Iron Man by Black Sabbath.’

If Lily had looked confused before, she looked flabbergasted by now. James really did not see what was so confusing about him whistling some heavy metal. It was a bloody brilliant song after all.

‘What?’ he asked her. ‘Don’t you like Black Sabbath?’

‘You are listening to Muggle music?’ she asked.

‘Sure,’ said James. ‘I have a record player at home. It is in a shielded room without any magic, so that it works properly. Sadly, I can’t really listen to Muggle records at Hogwarts, there is too much interference. I have read some weeks ago that it is possible to convert a record to a Wizard Wireless recording, but I have never tried it myself.’

‘How on earth did you get introduced to Muggle music?’ asked Lily. ‘You are pure-blood and don’t really mingle with a lot of Muggleborns.’

‘Sirius,’ said James simply. ‘You know that he starting taking Muggle Studies back in third year, because he wanted to tick off his parents. Well, they talked about Muggle music in that class and Sirius quickly got interested. He started to visit these Muggle record shops in London and listened to a lot of records there. He dragged me along a few times and I was blown away. I mean, we have a lot of high energy wizarding music, just think of bands like Thousand Inch Wand, but Muggle music just has this raw edge which the wizarding music lacks. It is less polished if you know what I mean. Well, I started listening to rock music, you know the Stones, Beatles and all that jazz, but it was Black Sabbath who really captured my heart. Paranoid is an incredible album, don’t you think so?’

James realized that he had been rambling immediately after asking that question. Lily was looking at him with a dumbfounded expression on her face. She obviously had not expected him to be a connoisseur of heavy metal. James smiled at her expression. It felt good to be able to surprise her like that. For the longest time, Lily had dubbed him a bully and a prankster and he loved to poke holes in this distorted image.

‘Wow, I never would have guessed that you liked Muggle music like that,’ she said after having recovered from her shock. ‘Black Sabbath is not my cup of tea, I like the Beatles.’

‘Of course you do,’ said James, with a smirk on his face. ‘Every girl likes the Beatles.’

‘What is that supposed to mean?’ she asked, raising an eyebrow.

‘Just that their music is so polished and diluted that nobody can truly dislike it,’ said James. ‘It is not that they produce bad stuff, but personally I just think it is bland and boring.’

‘Well, you are free to think so, but you are wrong,’ said Lily, with a sparkle in her eyes. James laughed.

‘Who would have thought that the two of us would ever argue about which Muggle band is better?’ he asked. ‘Nobody is going to believe us when we tell them about that conversation.’

‘Mr. Potter, are you practicing?’ rang McGonagall’s voice through the class room. James looked up, just to see his teacher looking suspiciously at him.

‘Of course, Professor,’ he replied. He picked his wand and pointed it at Lily.

‘Well, looks like we have to get cracking,’ he said, with a grin on his face. ‘McGonagall told us to get started with the eyebrows, but that is boring. I think I am going to change my hair as well.’

‘Is that wise?’ she asked. ‘Shouldn’t you stick to the basics? After all, this is your first time attempting human transfiguration.’

‘Is it now?’ asked James with a smirk. ‘Maybe I am quite adept at this branch of transfiguration as well.’

‘Maybe you are not,’ said Lily.

‘What’s that? Don’t you have any confidence in my transfiguration skills?’ James asked, with a slight pout on his face.

‘I am just being prudent,’ she said rolling her eyes. ‘While I know that you are excellent at transfiguration, a fact that you insist on sharing with everybody who might listen, I still don’t think it is a smart idea to experiment on yourself.’

‘It is only experimenting if you don’t know what’s going to happen,’ James pointed out with a smile on his face. ‘I know perfectly well what I am going to do.’

‘Well, go ahead then,’ said Lily. She raised her wand at him nevertheless. ‘Let’s see if you can change your hair to blonde.’

‘Does it really have to be blonde?’ James asked. ‘Blonde only looks good on birds. Can’t I just transfigure it into long straight black hair?’

‘Already backing down?’ she asked. James shook his head. ‘Well, then get started.’

James toyed with the thought of protesting further, but decided against it. It was not going to make a difference and he had effectively boxed himself in. Well, if he wanted to show off, he would do it right and do the spell non-verbally. He gathered his concentration, waved his wand and though the incantation. Immediately, James could feel a prickling on his scalp and knew that the spell had worked. He picked up an empty piece of parchment and transfigured it into a mirror and checked his reflection. He had done good work. His hair had been evenly changed to a rich golden colour and the eyebrows had changed as well. He looked a whole lot better than he had expected, but still preferred his dark natural colour. He liked the contrast of his fair skin and inky black hair.

‘Well done,’ said Lily. ‘Even though you are a show-off for doing it non-verbally. You were right about the blonde, though. Maybe some darker colour next time. I think you look a lot better with dark hair than with blonde hair.’

James raised an eyebrow at that.

‘You know Lily that almost sounded like a compliment’ he said smirking. ‘I always knew that you had a thing for my hair. You are terrible at hiding your attraction, you know?’

‘Oh, shut up,’ she said, hitting his should lightly. James was pretty sure he could see amusem*nt in her eyes.

‘Deny it all you want, but I know the truth,’ said James haughtily, finally causing her to laugh. He felt something warm spread in his stomach. Things were finally looking up with Lily Evans! The though brought him a wave of happiness, tipped with a bit of guilt. After all, he was still on his mission to move on from fancying Lily Evans. He was not sure that he was currently making progress in that regard.

‘Well, it is your turn to try,’ he said.

‘Oh,’ said Lily. ‘Alright, but I am going to stick to the eyebrows at first. I don’t want to risk messing up my hair too much. What colour do you think I should get?’

‘Err,’ said James, surprised that she was asking his opinion. What colour should she get? In his mind, her coppery red was the perfect colour for her, but he hardly could say that to her without sounding like a love-sick idiot. So, he had to pick another colour. ‘Do you think you can manage to turn them black so that they match my natural colour? I think it would be an interesting contrast between red and black.’

‘I suppose I could,’ she glanced at his hair for a moment. ‘But you have to turn in back first. I want to study your hair first, before I attempt that spell.’

‘Right,’ said James. He was not sure what exactly she had to study about his hair. After all, she had seen it countless times over the last six years. Nevertheless, he flicked his wand and turned his hair back to his natural colour. There, now he was not looking like a fool anymore.

Lily looked at him for a moment in utter concentration. James could see her biting her lower lip, like she usually did when she was intensely thinking about something. He had always found that gesture strangely endearing and today was no exception. Maybe being so close to her was not the best idea. He was slipping back into his old habits.

‘Crinus Muto’, she said and James could see her eyebrows changing to an inky black. It was a shade lighter than his colour, but it was a good start nevertheless. He passed her the mirror and she beamed when she realized that she had done it. Her expression darkened a bit, when she realized that it was not quite right.

‘It has to be a bit darker,’ she said ponderously. She screwed her face up in concentration and repeated the charm. This time, she managed to produce the desired colour.

‘Well, done, Miss Evans,’ said Professor McGonagall, who had chosen just this moment to sweep by at their table.

‘Thank you, Professor,’ said Lily.

‘It is good to see that Mr. Potter did not prevent you from paying attention to my class,’ she said with a rather frosty glance.

James suppressed the desire to roll his eyes. McGonagall really was angry with him. Normally, she would have asked to see him do the charm by now and would probably have granted him some points when he performed well. Today she did not seem to be in the mood. He just hoped that Lily did not use this opportunity to get him into trouble. McGonagall would surely go ballistic if she learned that he had done Potions in her class. He doubted that Lily had noticed, but he could not be sure.

‘Oh no, Professor,’ said Lily. ‘He has been very well behaved. In fact, I even have enjoyed his company.’

Both McGonagall and James were stunned by that statement. McGonagall recovered first. She gave Lily a disbelieving look, but refrained from saying anything and hurried on.

‘She is really annoyed with you at the moment,’ said Lily. In just that moment, the bell rang indicating the end of the lesson.

‘Yeah, but she will calm down,’ said James. ‘Thanks for your support. You did not have to lie to her though.’

Lily gathered her things, before answering him.

‘I wasn’t lying,’ she said and swept out of the classroom with a small smile on her face. James just stared after her until Sirius shouted at him to get a move on.

Chapter 15

Chapter Text

James woke up when a pair of lips pressed against his neck and slowly travelled up to his face. He opened his eyes and was disoriented for a moment. It was early morning, the sun was just rising up and sent a few golden rays into Gryffindor tower. Without his glasses he was hard-pressed to recognize any details, but even half-blind he recognized the face and the blond curls looming over him.

‘Amber,’ he said, his voice still thick from sleep. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Rise and shine, birthday boy,’ she said with a smile on her face. She pressed her lips against his again and buried a hand in his hair. James groaned.

‘It is way too early,’ he groaned, when she had pulled back. ‘Not that I am glad to see, but could you just come back in an hour or so?’

‘You are such a grouch in the mornings,’ she said, amusem*nt colouring her voice. James could not see the humour. He hated being woken up from his slumber. ‘Don’t worry, I am going to make it worth your while.’

‘Are you know?’ he asked interestedly. ‘And what exactly did you have in mind?’

‘Well, what do you think?’ she asked, running her hand down his bare chest and kissing him again. ‘What do you give a seventeen year old on his birthday?’

‘I think I am getting more interested now,’ said James, pulling her closer.

‘I can tell,’ she said, sneaking a hand down to his boxers and giving his erection a squeeze. ‘Not so angry I came by now, are you?’

‘Why are you still dressed?’ asked James. To his displeasure, she was wearing her Hogwarts uniform minus robes. She had lost her shoes, but her socks were still on. ‘Please tell me that you are not wearing any underwear under your skirt.’

‘Sorry to disappoint love, but I am wearing underwear,’ she said pressing a kiss on his chest. ‘And we are not going all the way today.’

‘What?’ said James. ‘Why ever not? You crawled into my bed for Merlin’s sake! So what is preventing a nice good morning shag?’

‘Are you sure you want to know?’ she asked. When James just nodded, she continued. ‘It is my time of the month.’

‘Eww,’ said James. ‘I should have known better than to ask.’

‘Well, you wanted to know,’ said Amber, who was blushing slightly. ‘It is a really bad timing, but I thought I should pay you a visit anyway. Fortunately, I still have some ideas what when can do.’

‘Really?’ asked James, perking up at the thought. He was uncomfortably hard now and really wanted to get off. ‘And what exactly did you have in mind?’

‘You will see,’ she said mischievously. ‘Just lay back and relax it is your birthday after all.’

She gave him another deep kiss. James groaned into her mouth, but before he could get adjusted to a proper snogging session, she broke the kiss and started to kiss his way down his body. James hummed in appreciation at what was about to happen. He loved getting sucked off. His birthday was getting better with every minute.

After he was spent, they cuddled for a few minutes trading lazy kisses. It felt weird being the only one naked, but James did not mind too much. His mind was still slightly hazy and he found it hard to worry about anything at all.

‘That was a very nice start to my birthday,’ he said, pressing a kiss to Amber’s forehead. ‘I think it is going to be a good one. The party tonight is going to be a blast.’

‘About that,’ said Amber looking sheepish. ‘I don’t think I am going to be there. I have Quidditch practice in the evening and I will probably be too exhausted to party. And I still have a lot of homework to finish.’

‘Oh,’ said James, trying to hide his disappointment. He had been looking forward to spend some more time with her. He had thought that she would appreciate the opportunity to have some fun. After all, her life was going to become quite different as soon as she graduated from Hogwarts. ‘Are you sure, you can’t make it?’

‘I am sorry, but I doubt it,’ said Amber not quite meeting his eye. James knew her well enough to realize that she was hiding something. He briefly wondered whether he should ask her. She tended to stay out of his affairs and he appreciated that, but he had the gut feeling that she actually wanted him to ask. That did not really make sense, but James had long ago abandoned all hope of ever completely understanding girls. He decided to go with his instincts.

‘I have the feeling that something else is going on here,’ he said. ‘Is there something you want to tell me, Amber? You are not skipping the party because you are playing Quidditch, are you?’

‘Well, it is not the only reason,’ she said. She hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing. ‘It is just that I received a letter from my parents yesterday. The want to use the upcoming Hogsmeade weekend to go dress shopping with me. You know, a wedding dress.’

‘Oh,’ said James. ‘I thought you were getting married after finishing school.’

‘I do, the week after school ends,’ she said. James was not sure how to read her emotions at the moment. He had enough trouble making sense out of his own. He always tended to forget that Amber was going to get married to Peter Fawley when the topic was not breached for a while. It was so easy to fall into a rhythm with her and the relationship was remarkably effortless. That made it easy to forget that they were going to run out of time very soon. James did not know how to feel about that. He could sense some anger, but he was not quite sure at who that was directed. He had no business getting angry after all. He had known what he was getting into. Not for the first time he wondered whether this stint with Amber had been a good decision.

‘My parents did not want me to waste any time,’ she continued. ‘And I am fine with that, I guess. After all, I am going to spend the rest of my life with Peter, so waiting for a few months really does not make any difference. Still, the letter reminded me of what really is going on. I was so busy with studying for N.E.W.T.s, Quidditch, my friends and spending time with you that I forgot everything going on outside of Hogwarts. I almost felt like a normal school girl for the first time in months. The letter pierced that bubble and I find it hard to spend the night partying at the moment. I think it is time that I get ready for becoming Mrs. Fawley. I am running out of time.’

‘So, what are you saying?’ asked James. ‘Do you want to end things?’

‘No,’ said Amber. ‘I just need some time to think things over and I can’t do that on a bustling party.’

‘It’s okay,’ said James. He was not happy with her not being there, but he could empathize with the problem. He was not going to apply any additional pressure to her. ‘I will be fine. You go and take all the time you need.’

‘Thank you, Jamie,’ she said, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

‘Jamie?’ he asked, wrinkling his nose at the name.

‘I think it is a cute name,’ she said, kissing him again. ‘A cute name for a cute boy.’

‘It sounds like a child’s name,’ protested James. ‘And it is what my mum calls me.’

‘Well, I like it and you are going to get used to it,’ she said with an air of finality. ‘I have got to go. Go back to sleep.’

‘No, I am going to have a long shower and go down to breakfast,’ he said, rising up.

‘Alright, I will see you tomorrow,’ she said. She gave another quick kiss, before rising from the bed and leaving the dorm. James could hear her greeting Sirius on her way. He left his bed as well, not caring that he was naked only to come face to face with Sirius.

‘Well that it is a nice view,’ said Sirius. ‘Did you have fun with Amber?’

‘Yes, I had and it is none of your business’ said James curtly.

‘You seem quite grumpy, birthday boy,’ said Sirius. ‘Trouble in paradise?’

‘It is fine,’ said James. ‘Now, be a good boy and leave me alone, will you? I have to get ready.’

‘Yeah, about that,’ said Sirius. ‘You might want to put on some clothes. I know that you are not particularly modest, but I would rather not look at your bits hanging out.’

‘I was heading for the shower, you git,’ said James, rolling his eyes. ‘It seems rather pointless to put on clothes only to undress again minutes later.’

‘Sure, make up excuse for your exhibitionism,’ said Sirius with a grin on his face. James had enough of his friend’s antics by now. He needed some time to think and a long hot shower was exactly what he needed. He pushed Sirius aside roughly and entered the shower, hearing his best mate laugh behind him.

When he left the shower twenty minutes later, he felt a lot more relaxed. He had thought about what was going on with Amber and had come to the conclusion that would just ride it out and see where he would end up. It was normal that their relationship was a bit hot and cold, after all being promised to another men was a great way to dampen the mood. He had briefly considered making a clean cut, but he had discarded the thought almost immediately. He was enjoying spending time with Amber too much to give it up. Not for the first time, he wondered how life would be if Amber were not promised to another men. Would the two of them even started seeing each other in the first place or would she have stayed with Michael Knight? Would they even work as a proper couple or in a long-term relationship? He thought so, but he could not be sure. He pushed these thoughts away as well. Playing these kind of what-if-games was only going to confuse him even more. A small voice in his head which sounded suspiciously like Remus told him that things were only to get tougher in the end and that he should make a clean break now, but James refused to listen. Maybe it was stupid and weak, but he was not ready to give up on Amber just yet.

James had tied a towel around his waist just to avoid further ribbing by Sirius and walked over to his bed to get dressed properly. By now the rest of the Marauders were up as well, but it seemed that trouble was brewing already. He heard Remus and Sirius argue with each other long before he had reached his bed.

‘What do you mean, you did not get it?’ asked Remus angrily. James could tell that his werewolf friend was close to losing his temper completely. Normally, he was quite even tempered, but things got ugly fast, whenever he was truly ticked off. Interested, he moved a little close, so he could see them arguing over at Remus’s bed. Neither of them seemed to notice him.

‘Now, look it is not my fault,’ said Sirius. ‘I ordered the stuff off McMillan, but he promised to get the bottles cheap. He just told me yesterday evening that he could not deliver.’

‘Sirius, it was your BLOODY JOB to get the drinks,’ snarled Remus. ‘You have known that for close to a month and now you tell me that you can’t deliver? When did you tell McMillian to get them for you?’

‘I told him last week,’ said Sirius defensively. ‘We never had a problem with him before and he is usually quite fast. So I figured that that was more enough time. You know this would not be a problem if you had not talked James and me out of entering the alcohol business ourselves. Then everything would be fine.’

‘Oh, excuse me for preventing you from surely getting expelled,’ said Remus venomously. ‘If McMillian is stupid enough to risk expulsion for some quick galleons, then he can be my guest, but we are not doing the same rubbish ourselves.’

‘Now don’t be like this Moony,’ said Sirius. ‘I have told you it is McMillian’s fault! If he had just told me...’

‘f*ck McMillan,’ snarled Remus, who was rather red in the face by now. James was surprised that he was that angry about some missing drinks. Either he had been really looking forward to getting drunk tonight or something else was going on here. ‘And f*ck you, Sirius! I ask you to do one thing, ONE BLOODY THING, for James’s party and you manage to co*ck that up! I’ve had it with your irresponsible behaviour! You are a lousy friend, that’s what you are!’

Sirius’s eyes had grown wide at Moony’s anger, but now they were narrowed. Clearly, Sirius was not going to take that comment lying down.

‘Oh, drop the holier-than-thou-attitude Remus,’ he said angrily. ‘I know you like to harp the fact that you are a prefect, but it is getting ridiculous. So, I have forgotten something, big deal. Don’t act like you have never forgotten anything in your life.’

‘You seem to be developing a bad habit of forgetting critical things,’ said Remus nastily. ‘Sometimes you forget to buy some drinks and sometimes you forget to keep some secrets. It is the strangest thing.’

That was a low blow. Sirius grew very pale and James could see his fists clenching. He had to do something before this got out of hand. It was not very nice of Remus to dredge up the incident with Snape, but James was not surprised. After all, they were still recovering from Sirius’s betrayal.

‘Is there a problem here?’ he asked, walking up to the two of them. Both seemed to be surprised to see him here. Apparently, they had been so involved with their little spat that they had not noticed him stepping out of the shower. Fortunately, his appearance seemed to dampen their rage. James was not overly surprised. After all, he was still only wearing a towel around his waist and it was rather hard to stay focused on a fight when suddenly a half-naked friend joined the discussion.

‘No,’ said Remus with a tight voice. ‘Everything is just fine. I have got to go, though. Happy birthday, James.’

He hurriedly left the dormitory. James was not surprised that it was Remus who had ended the fight by moving away. He normally tended to avoid confrontations after all.

‘Well, you are clearly making progress,’ said Sirius, pointing at the towel around James’s hips. ‘Maybe in an hour or so you will have managed to put on some pants.’

‘Shut up and tell me what on earth that was about,’ said James. ‘What have you done to annoy Mooney that much? It can’t just be these few missing bottles of firewhiskey.’

‘I have no idea what his bloody problem is,’ said Sirius. ‘He is totally overreacting! It is not my fault that McMillian is an unreliable git! And it is still hours until the party starts. I still have a lot of time to fix that mess. Why on earth did he drag that Snape business into this? That was totally uncalled for!’

‘So it is all about the missing whiskey?’ he asked. ‘You did not put itching powder into his pyjamas or anything?’

‘I have not done a thing,’ said Sirius. ‘Have you even been listening to me? He is totally out of order!’

James pondered that for a moment. It was not hard to figure out that Remus had only reacted so harshly, because he was still harbouring some resentment at Sirius about him revealing their secret to Snape. He could empathize with that. After all, Remus had been the one most affected by the betrayal and it was only normal that it took time. He was not going to point that out to Sirius though. Sirius would never understand Remus feelings in that point. After all, he had apologized and for Sirius that meant that the issue was closed. He would only scoff at Remus’s lingering resentment and maybe call him a baby at the next opportunity.

‘How are you going to get that firewhiskey now?’ asked James.

‘I am going to sneak into Hogsmeade and buy them from Rosmerta,’ said Sirius.

‘You know, you don’t have to do that, right?’ said James. ‘We still have the butterbeer and a nice stash of weed. We will be fine without the whiskey.’

‘What?’ said Sirius. ‘Oh, no that is totally unacceptable! You have turned seventeen today, James! We can’t celebrate your seventeen birthday without firewhiskey! I am going to get that firewhiskey, mark my words!’

‘Alright, alright,’ said James, surprised at the intensity of Sirius’s reaction. Was he only trying to make up for failing to get the whiskey or was Remus not the only one dragging past mistakes into the present? He would have to think about it. There was no point asking Sirius about this as his best friend was exceptionally good at avoiding conversations which made him uncomfortable. And talking about this feelings made him very uncomfortable. ‘Just make sure you don’t get caught. Take the map and the cloak if you are going.’

‘Will do,’ said Sirius. ‘Don’t worry about me. In contrast to you, I have never been caught sneaking into Hogsmeade.’

James scowled.

‘That was almost three years ago, how you are you going to harp on about that?’ he asked. ‘Back then, we did not have the map yet, so it was harder to avoid getting caught.’

‘Sure thing, James,’ said Sirius, with an annoying smirk on his face. ‘You know, I should probably head out straight away. That way, I can get to the Three Broomsticks before the lunch rush sets in and hopefully catch Rosmerta on her own.’

‘That’s probably a good idea,’ said James. ‘Get going then.’

‘I will,’ said Sirius. ‘Happy birthday, James. Enjoy the presents.’

James glanced at the heap of presents at the foot of his bed and found his spirits rising. He had always loved opening presents. He wandered over to the pile and picked up the first present. Turning it around in his hands, he tried to figure out what it could be. Before he could make up his mind, he heard Sirius chuckle behind him.

‘It is always funny to see how much you love your presents,’ said Sirius. ‘You are such a spoiled child. Well, have fun, I will be leaving.’

‘You do that,’ said James absentmindedly. ‘I am rather busy at the moment.’

He could hear Sirius’s barking laugh again, before the door to the dormitory opened and closed and he was finally alone with his presents.

* * * * *

James’s party started on the evening of the same day at eight o’clock sharp. The rest of the Marauders had strictly forbidden James from taking any part in organizing the party. They had stressed the fact that it was his birthday and that he should enjoy himself rather than slaving around trying to get his own party going. James had pointed out that they were being ridiculous and that he had organized his party for the last five years, but they had insisted. In fact, they had even kicked him out of the common room, saying that he should do something productive and not meddle in their affairs. So, James had found himself with a lot of free time at his hands and without company. As he had already finished all of his homework, he had headed down to the Quidditch pitch. He could not go flying today, as the Ravenclaws were training, but he figured he could check out the competition nevertheless. After all, they still had to play against them and James would have to fine tune his team’s tactics if he wanted to win. He had killed an hour with sitting on the stands and watching the Ravenclaws. The air was crisp and slightly chilly, but with a warming charm it was perfectly pleasant to stay outside and smoke a cigarette. James had to admit that the Ravenclaws were playing well at the moment. It was not going to be easy to beat them. Amber’s flying was rather good as well. She was no natural like he was, but he could see all the hours she had put into getting a job on the team. He was proud of her. While he did not believe on working overly hard for his school marks, he did believe in hard work on the Quidditch pitch. People tended to overlook the thousands of hours professional players spent training each year and just assumed that their skill was due to their natural born talent. James knew that to be rubbish. He considered himself quite gifted at playing Quidditch and even he had profited greatly from regular and intense training sessions.

After seeing his fill of the Ravenclaws he had headed up to the party at eight o’clock sharp. As usual, everyone in Gryffindor as well as selected members of other houses were invited. This extensive guest list was a relic of his first year, when he had wanted to make a name for himself in Gryffindor house. By now, he would have preferred a more intimate party, but he could not back down. He had a reputation to uphold after all. So, James had no choice but to delve into the party. Now, he was standing in the midst of the throng of partiers within the Common Room drinking his way through a butterbeer. While Sirius had fulfilled his promise of getting them the Firewhiskey, though he had not told them how he managed to win Rosmerta over, James wanted to have a spliff later in the evening and Firewhiskey and weed did not mix well for him. It was nine thirty o’clock by now and the party grew busier by the minute nicely in sync with the level of alcohol in the bloodstream of most students. James had to admit that his friends had done a good job, though he could have done without the portrait of himself on the ceiling of the common room. As usual, they had gotten a lot of food from the kitchens and were well stocked with alcohol, including some Butterbeer for the younger students. Remus had insisted that they prevented anyone younger than fifth year to get drunk. Sirius had objected heavily, as he did every year, saying that forth years could handle some drinks, but in the end Remus had won. So, they had placed a nifty charm on the bottles, so that they were impossible to open to for anyone younger than fifteen and could not be passed to one so young. James knew that this charm was not perfect and that there ways to beat that protection, but it was enough to calm Remus and to get the rest of the prefects out of his hair. He took another gulp from his butterbeer, enjoying it warming him from inside. The dance floor started very close to him, but so far he had avoided stepping onto it. While he was a quite good dancer, he did not enjoy it overly much and without Amber beside him it was hard for him to get in the mood. Sirius had no such issues. He was currently dancing with Tiffany Clearwater, a very pretty seventh year, after having knocked back some shots of Firewhiskey. James shock his head at his best mate’s antics. Tiffany was exactly his type: pretty, rather flirty and had just went through a breakup. Sirius has always been partial to rebound relationships as they tended to self-destruct very quickly. He searched for the rest of the Marauders and found Remus talking to Mary McDonald and Peter playing a drinking game version of Exploding Snap with a group of Gryffindor boys. James spotted Marlene sitting in an armchair in one of the corners of the common room. He could see Alice keeping her company and was startled to see her looking rather unhappy. He frowned. He had not noticed her slipping into the party at all. As was common with big parties, he was fluttering from one person to the next only spending a few minutes with each of them. He was the birthday boy after all and everyone wanted a piece of him. He decided to find out what was going on over there. Marlene was his oldest friend after all and he did not want her to be unhappy on his birthday. He made his way over to the armchair and plopped down on another empty one close to them. Marlene noticed him immediately and to James’s horror, her eyes filled with tears as she spotted him. That was unusual. Marlene was normally a rather composed girl. If she cried it was mostly about relationship trouble. James groaned eternally. If Charlie Davies, the bloody git, had broken her heart, he was going to beat him to a bloody pulp. Why he normally stayed far away from Marlene’s love life, he still was almost her brother. And brothers did not like bad boyfriends one bit.

‘Marlene, what is the matter?’ he managed to ask, before she catapulted herself out of her armchair and sat on his lap, hiding her face in his chest. On dear, that was not going too well.

‘She just broke up with Charlie,’ said Alice gravely.

‘What?’ asked James. ‘Whatever for? Last I heard everything was going well. What on earth changed? Do I have to jinx the tosser?’

‘He proposed,’ said Marlene in a short pause of her sobs, before crying even harder.

‘He what?’ asked James. ‘But why are you so upset about that?’

‘She said no, obviously,’ said Alice, rolling her eyes at his cluelessness. ‘He... did not take it too well. Things got rather heated and now they are done.’

‘Bloody hell,’ said James. Well, he had not been expecting that. He had already pictured all the jinxes he wanted to place on Davies, but that revelation made it rather hard to stay angry at him. He could not fault a bloke for proposing to his girl after all. In fact, James was rather pleased that Davies had not been leading Marlene on. He wondered what made him propose to her now. He was a seventh year, so maybe he wanted to tie the knot before leaving school. Marlene still had a year ahead of her and maybe Davies had wanted to give her extra motivation to keep the relationship alive during the long distance relationship. Marrying at seventeen was not that early in the wizarding world. It was even rather common for the traditional pure-bloods. Wasn’t Davies the bastard son of a pure-blood wizard? Yes, that was it. So maybe he wanted to do the traditional thing and marry Marlene straight away. It was a good plan, but James could have told him that it would probably backfire. He had had to listen to a lot of Marlene’s complains about boys in the past and therefore knew that she hated being pressured in a relationship. She believed that everything would just fall into place in a perfect relationship. So, she probably had reacted rather brusquely when Davies popped the question. He winced at the thought. Poor bloke. Getting shot down when you want to marry your girlfriend was probably very painful. But he was not here to mend Davies’s feelings. He had to take care of Marlene even though he rather agreed with her now ex-boyfriend. He had never particularly liked him in the past, but he had to admit that Davies was a rather decent bloke all Quidditch rivalry aside. Marlene could certainly do worse.

‘Oh, Marlene,’ said James, stroking her hair. ‘Don’t cry. It will be alright. Once both of you have calmed down, you are going to talk things out. It is just a misunderstanding. He should not have sprung it on you like that, but it will be fine in the end.’

‘No, it won’t be,’ she said, between sobs. ‘I... I have been so horrible to him! What kind of girl insults her boyfriend, because he wants to marry her?’

She went back to crying. James sighed. Here goes nothing. He knew that she would be fine after some sleep and some time to consider. Marlene was not the type of girl to pine after some bloke. She probably would have a new boyfriend or be back with Davies within two weeks.

‘You are a nice girl, Marlene,’ said Alice. ‘You just got a bit emotional because he surprised you. That is all. James is right. I am sure Charlie will forgive you as soon as you two talk it out.’

‘No, he won’t’, said Marlene with a strangled voice. ‘You did not hear what I said to him after things get heated. He HATES me now! And I think I hate him too for ever putting me in that situation. He should have known better than to ask me!’

‘Alright, that’s enough,’ said James. ‘What you need know is a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow everything is going to be much cleared.’

‘I suppose,’ said Marlene with her voice muffled by his shirt. James bit back a smile. She acted like such a little girl today. He was going to bring that up the next time she was giving him a hard time. ‘Can I sleep in your bed, James?’

James rose an eyebrow at that. They had often slept in one bed when they were younger, but by now sleeping with a girl in his bed was not as innocent as it used to be. He pushed that thought away immediately. That was Marlene he was talking about! She was like his sister and if she needed him than he better should be there.

‘Of course you can,’ he said, ignoring Alice rather surprised look. ‘You should get up there now and get settled in. Being on this party is not going to do you much good.’

‘I will,’ she said, finally letting go of his chest and wiping her eyes. ‘I am sorry for ruining your party like that. Don’t head up early just because you want to take care of me.’

‘It is fine,’ said James. ‘Go now, I will see you later.’

Marlene hugged him and made her way up the stairs of the boy’s dormitory.

‘Puh, that was intense,’ said Alice.

‘Yeah, things are bad when she wants to spend the night with me,’ said James. ‘I guess she cared more for Davies than I had thought. Merlin’s beard, I need a smoke.’

He left Alice at the fireplace and headed over to Moony to grab a spliff. As usual, their responsible friend carried the weed, both because less people suspected him and because Sirius and James tended to have rather limited self-control. Remus handed him a spliff and James headed out of the common room. He walked up a staircase and made his way over to the windowsill were he usually smoked if he wanted some solitude and still wanted to stay inside. To his surprise, Lily was already sitting there staring out into the night sky. James sat down next to her, startling her. ‘Oh, it’s you,’ she said, when she recognized him. ‘Happy birthday.’

‘Thanks,’ said James, while opening the window. ‘Do you mind if I smoke?’

‘No, go ahead,’ she said. James had expected her to object, but she probably had not realized that he was holding a spliff rather than a normal cigarette. He opened the window, lit up with his wand and took a deep drag, before blowing the smoke out in into the velvety night.

‘I did not see you at the party,’ he said after a while.

‘I was out with Luke,’ she said. James ignored the twinge of jealousy at the mention of that name. ‘I did not want to bring him to the party as he was not invited, but I was planning to show up later.’

‘You could have brought Palmer if you wanted to,’ said James. He was surprised to realize that he meant it. ‘I don’t mind having him around. It is a big party after all.’

‘Thanks, but I don’t think that he would have liked it,’ said Lily. ‘He does not like parties overly much. What are you smoking? That does not smell like tobacco.’

‘It isn’t,’ said James. ‘It is weed. Do you want to take a drag?’

He was starting to feel more relaxed by now and wanted to share some of the happiness with Lily. He knew that she would never accept it, though. She was way too proper.

‘No, thanks,’ she said. She looked contemplative for a moment before continuing. ‘You don’t happen to carry a regular cigarette with you, do you?’

‘Actually, I have some fa*gs in my pocket,’ he said. ‘Why? You don’t smoke.’

‘Not regularly, but I think tonight is a good time to smoke,’ she said. ‘Can I bum a cigarette, please?’

‘Sure,’ he said. He reached into his pocket, extracted a package of magical cigarettes and handed one over to her. She took it and looked at it quizzically.

‘Do you have a lighter or should I use my wand?’ she asked. ‘They are not of much use as long as they are not lighted.’

‘These are magical cigarettes,’ said James. ‘You don’t need a lighter for them. Just placed them in your mouth and gently suck on them.’

Lily did as he told her and the cigarette ignited immediately. She took a quick drag before blowing out the smoke again. James could tell that she was not a practiced smoker.

‘Very handy,’ she said.

‘I usually use my wand to light up whenever I smoke Muggle cigarettes,’ said James. ‘Sirius buys them sometimes. You know that he is very into Muggle things.’

‘Why though?’ asked Lily. ‘He is as pure-blood as they comes. What does he care about Muggles?’

‘It is mostly to piss off his family,’ said James. ‘They are blood purists and detest Muggles. Sirius does not get along with them. He does a lot of things just to stress how different he is from them. He only took Muggle Studies because he knew it would annoy his parents immensely.’

‘That must be very difficult for him,’ said Lily. ‘My parents don’t know much about my life and sometimes it feels like I am growing more and more apart from them, but at least they care about me. I can’t imagine how things must be for Sirius.’

‘He deserves better,’ said James. ‘Sirius is not perfect, but nobody deserves to be born into such a foul family. Fortunately, he can spend much time with me and my parents. They think of him as a second son already.’

‘That’s very nice of them,’ said Lily.

‘They have always wanted children, but had trouble getting them,’ said James. ‘They had already given up when I came along. I have always wanted a sibling, but things did not play out that way. So, I was not surprised that they started to like Sirius.’

‘Trust me, siblings are not that great,’ said Lily darkly. James laughed.

‘Right, I had forgotten about your lovely sister,’ he said. ‘Hm... I should tell Sirius to pay her a visit. Maybe she would like him more than she did like me.’

Lily snorted.

‘Right, because Petunia is the type to fall for the rebel with a devil-may-care-attitude,’ she said. ‘I think she would hate him even more than you if you think that is possible. She berated me for the company I keep after you had visited us. She especially hated your hair. She said it was a symbol of how much of a freak you are.’

James laughed.

‘Well, you can’t please anyone. It seems that you and Petunia have one thing in common after all: You both dislike my hair.’

‘I don’t dislike your hair.’

‘Really?’ asked James, ignoring how quickly his heart beat all of the sudden. ‘I seem to remember you telling me how much you hated it when I messed it up.’

‘I did say that, but this is not about your hair, but about what you are doing with it,’ she pointed out.

James scowled.

‘Now you are arguing semantics,’ he said.

‘Semantics, are important,’ she said. ‘You should know after all. Semantics are everything in transfiguration. Otherwise you end up somewhere close to your target, but not where you actually want to end up.’

‘I suppose you are right about that,’ said James.

Silence fell between them. Both were content just to sit there, smoke and gaze into the starry night. Only when James had finished his spliff and was moving to get up, did Lily speak up again.

‘Did you have a good birthday, James?’

‘It was a mixed bag, but it is getting better in the end,’ he said. ‘Well, I am heading to bed. Good night, Lily.’

‘Good night, James. Thanks for the cigarette.’

‘Anytime,’ he said, and headed back to the common room. The weed had made him sleepy and all he wanted to do now is curl up in his bed and get to sleep. It was not his best birthday, but he could not help feeling pleased about the moment he had just shared with Lily.

Chapter 16

Chapter Text

James tugged at the stiff collar of his dress robes for what felt like the hundredth time today. It was the last weekend of the Easter holidays and he was attending the annual St. Mungo’s fundraiser. These kind of the events were very popular among the pure-bloods as they gave them opportunity to show off their enormous generosity. James knew of course that most pure bloods were anything but generous. Instead, they used this as an opportunity to improve their status and power. Being a known supporter of St. Mungo’s opened many doors in the wizarding world and most important politicians also attended this fundraiser. It was a great event to rub shoulders with most of the important members of society. Naturally, James hated it. While he was quite adept at faking polite smiles and making small talk about nothing at all, it bored him to tears. He would rather spend some time with his friends, but his parents had insisted that he made an appearance. His father had stressed that James was a fully grown man by now and needed to form connections with the rest of the establishment. James had pointed out that he was already well known around the wizarding world, but his father had insisted that having a famous name was not enough. So, after much grumbling, James had agreed to come home for the holidays and attend that stupid event. Sirius had joined him in the Potter household, naturally without informing his parents, but he would not be joining them tonight. The risk of running into his parents was way too high. However, James still had hope that the Black’s would not be here today. Every year, the healers chose a different theme for the fundraiser. Usually, they were quite boring. Last year’s for example had been all about treating sick children, but this year’s theme was very interesting indeed. St. Mungo’s wanted to generate funds to improve the treatment of all victims of the growing conflict between Voldemort and the rest of the wizarding world. Naturally, this was a very sensitive topic and many purebloods had expressed their disappointment at the Hospital taking any sides in that conflict. James knew that the Blacks agreed with the Death Eaters so maybe they had decided to boycott tonight’s event. Despite that controversy, the spacious ball room was packed. As usual, the elite of the wizarding world was not afraid to spend money.

The organizer of the event knew that most of their potential benefactors had an expensive taste. So they had gone out of their way to make the even memorable. Rather than holding it in the hospital, they had rented a grand ballroom in the ‘The Golden Phoenix’, London’s most exclusive wizarding hotel. While most wizards chose the Leaky Cauldron whenever they wanted to spend some time in London, The Golden Phoenix catered to the more affluent crowd and specialized in wizarding conferences of all kinds. It was the second time James was here, the first time having been the potion contest ceremony back in December, and the grand room was even more spectacular than it had been back then. Clearly, the organizers were highly interested in making the event as special as possible. They had even hired the popular band ‘The Wood Nymphs’ to provide the appropriate music. James suspected that many of the traditional pure-bloods had only decided to attend so that they could have a close look at the splendour. He had to admit that St. Mungo’s knew how to advertise an event. They had created both a controversy and an incentive to show up and judging from the dense crowd, their strategy had been successful. If only these events would be more entertaining! He glanced at his parents, who were still standing a few feet away and were locked in deep conversation with Mr. and Mrs. Prewett, and decided to get a drink. He walked over to the bar and snatched one of the champagne flutes standing on the nearest table. He handed the waiter a few sickles and wandered off. He tugged at his collar again. The dress robe was dark red and had been bought only a few days ago. He regretted choosing it instead of one of his older ones. These new tight collars might be fashionable, but they were bloody uncomfortable.

‘Hey James, over here,’ said a familiar voice. James turned around and spotted Kingsley Shacklebolt, wearing a bright yellow dress robe which contrasted starkly with his dark skin. He was accompanied by his parents and seemed rather happy to see James. They did not spent much time together at school, but at these type of events, he was happy to see everyone close to his age. Kingsley was two years younger than him and a Hufflepuff. He played Beater on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team which was how the two of them knew each other. Kingsley was a decent player and very fair when playing Quidditch. He had caught James after having knocked him off his broom with a Bludger last year. James was not going to forget that kind gesture. He knew that most other enemy players would have let him fall.

‘Kingsley, good to see you,’ said James, shaking his hand. ‘Mr. Shacklebolt, Mrs. Shacklebolt, it is a pleasure to meet you.’

He kissed Mrs. Shacklebolt’s hand and shook Mr. Shacklebolt’s one.

‘You are Richard Potter’s son, are you not?’ said Mr. Shacklebolt. He was a tall and rather muscular man with a shaved head and the same ebony skin tone as his son.

‘I am,’ said James. ‘My parents are over there.’

‘It is a pleasure to meet you, James,’ said Mrs. Shacklebolt. She was slim and rather pretty with dark and perfectly flat hair. James suspected that she had applied quite a lot of potions and beauty charms to tame her hair. Her son’s was a mess of black curls after all, which seems even more impossible to manage than James’s own. ‘I did not know that you were of age already.’

James was confused for a moment by that statement, but then she noticed her pointing at the glass of champagne in his hand.

‘Oh,’ he said. ‘Actually, I turned seventeen in March. But I reckon I could have gotten the champagne even if I still was underage. Nobody asked me about my age when I got it.’

‘Wicked,’ said Kingsley. ‘Do you think I could get some myself?’

‘You will do no such thing, Kingsley,’ said his father sternly. ‘I was told that you were a bit of a troublemaker, James.’

‘You should not believe everything you hear,’ said James with a smile on his face. Kingsley snorted. ‘It is true that sometimes strange things happen at Hogwarts while I attend the school, but that hardly makes me responsible. Innocent until proven guilty, am I right?’

‘Well, if you were caught for everything you do, you would spend the whole year in detention,’ said Kingsley happily. ‘I loved the ice lake in the entrance hall, though. I have never tried ice skating before, but it was a lot of fun.’

‘Well, Kingsley, I am glad you enjoyed it, but you should know that I have had nothing to do with that,’ said James with a grin on his face. ‘McGonagall tried to stick it to me but was unable to prove anything. I am officially innocent.’

‘Sure, you are,’ said Kingsley, rolling his eyes again.

‘Do you parent’s plan to donate anything, James?’ asked Mr. Shacklebolt. James hesitated for a moment before answering. In the current situation, that was a rather loaded question. Nobody close to the Death Eaters would even consider donating money to the hospital when it openly opposed Voldemort. So, donating some money also meant positioning himself in the brewing civil war. However, not giving anything also send a signal and James doubted that all blood purists were ready to openly declare their support for Voldemort’s cause. After all, the Ministry was still firmly opposing the Death Eater threat and everyone bold or foolish enough to openly support these terrorists was bound to be investigated by the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. James’s parents had argued about whether they should attend the fundraiser. His mother had strongly argued for it, while his father had been undecided. He was still busy trying to mask the family’s true allegiance. In the end, he had agreed to attend, because it would be too suspicious for his family to suddenly stop giving money to St. Mungo’s which they had done for almost twenty year’s now. However, they had decided to only make a small donation today, to make it appear like they did not agree with the current policy and donate a larger amount anonymously at a later point in time.

‘Yes,’ said James. ‘I am not sure how much actually. My parents did not discuss the issue with me.’

‘Well, they certainly should have,’ said Mr. Shacklebolt. ‘You are their only heir and off age. They should prepare you for being head of a pure-blood family. Just wearing the heritage ring is not enough.’

James glanced at the ring on his finger. He had started to wear it every day so by now he hardly noticed it anymore. However, whenever he consciously looked at it, he still felt rather caged. The ring was a reminder of everything which was expected from him and he did not like it one bit. His natural disregard for rules was not just limited to school rules. He hated that people expected him to behave in a certain way just because he was the heir of an old pure-blood family. He knew that social conventions could not be negotiated and that it would be foolish to rebel against a privileged life, but sometimes he just felt like leaving it all behind. Sometimes he envied the Muggleborns. They were blank sheets and could do whatever they wanted to do with their life in the wizarding world without any expectations. He knew that he was being overly romantic regarding the situation of the Muggleborns and that his rebellion was just a pipe dream, but situations like today brought it back again and again.

‘My father is still head of the family,’ said James rather coolly. ‘I don’t think he plans to hand it over to me anytime soon.’

‘Probably not,’ said Mr. Shacklebolt. ‘Nevertheless, he should prepare for the future. He is not that young anymore after all. You have a promising future, James, and it is no kindness not to prepare you, just to grant you a few more carefree years.’

His words rang true and James knew that Mr. Shacklebolt had a point. Still, he felt rather angry at the man poking so much into their internal affairs. He clamped down on his anger. The Shacklebolts were not his enemy. They were a rather traditional family, but they were not dark and not interested in hunting down any Muggleborns. He must not antagonize them just because they were being pushy.

‘I suppose,’ he said, arranging his face into a neutral mask.

‘You should not lecture the boy so much, Wesley,’ said Mrs. Shacklebolt to his husband. ‘I am sure that Richard is going to do what is necessary to prepare James. He always was very methodical and responsible after all. How are things at school James? Are you seeing anyone?’

‘Things have been rather rocky at school, but they are fine now,’ said James, grateful for the change of topic. ‘And no, I am not currently seeing anyone.’

‘Well, I suppose there still is time,’ said Mrs. Shacklebolt. ‘Early marriages are not that common anymore, after all. Though I have heard that Amber Marchbanks is going to marry Peter Fawley as soon as she finishes the school year. Not only is she getting married straight out of Hogwarts, but it also is an arranged marriage. I was rather surprised to hear that news. They have kept it well under wraps.’

‘Indeed?’ asked James, trying to look only mildly interested at this topic. He felt a stab of jealousy and dread when he thought about Amber’s upcoming marriage. He knew that Amber had been keen on keeping that information as private as possible, but of course they could only keep it a secret for so long. After all, they probably had a lot of guests and had to invite them at some point before the wedding started. He wondered how many people knew about her marriage by now. While he was not exactly public with his relationship with her it hardly was a secret. Having a secret relationship at Hogwarts was close to impossible anyway giving how effective the rumour mill was. If information about Amber’s marriage became more well known, he probably would have to answer some rather rude questions why he was fooling around with an engaged woman. James had no desire whatsoever to justify his actions in front of anyone. Hopefully, it would not come to that. He probably should have a talk with Amber when he got back to school. He wondered whether she already had a plan. She was a Ravenclaw after all, so she had to be prepared, right?

‘Maybe she just is a private person.’

‘Maybe,’ said Mrs. Shacklebolt. ‘Though I don’t really see why she would make a fuss about that Marriage. The Fawleys are a well-liked family after all. They are not dark and have an excellent blood line. I would be thrilled if my daughter married a Fawley. Have you ever thought about marriage, James?’

‘Err, no, I haven’t,’ said James alarmed. ‘I think I am rather young to think about marriage, don’t you think?’

‘Well, maybe,’ said Mrs. Shacklebolt. ‘I suppose you can afford to take your time. After all, almost all pure-blood families would let you marry one of their daughters and be happy about the union.’

‘I am surprised that you parents haven’t arranged a marriage for you,’ said Mr. Shacklebolt. ‘After all, their marriage was arranged and they have been rather happy with each other, have they not? Clearly, something is to be said for a good old-fashioned arranged marriage. It makes sure that your children marry someone suitable.’

‘My parents want me to make my own choices,’ said James. ‘They are happy with each other, but they were not thrilled when their marriage was arranged. Both of them knew that they were probably going to end up in an arranged marriage, but it still quite difficult to stomach, is it not?’

‘Well, our marriage was not arranged, so we can’t really tell,’ said Mrs. Shacklebolt. ‘It was kind of obvious that we were going to end up getting married for a long time, so our parents did no see the need to arrange anything. Most pure-bloods just want their children to marry someone suitable in general and not someone in specific. So they tend to let their children choose their own partner if they are confident in their choices. I am sure that you are going to choose a very nice girl one day, James.’

‘Err, thank you,’ said James, taking another sip of his champagne to cover his embarrassment. Kingsley rather seemed to enjoy his discomfort. James glared at him briefly. He was not sure that he liked the Shacklebolts. He knew that they were nice enough people, but they seemed rather involved in other people’s affairs and rather convinced that their way to live was the only right one. He wondered what they would say if they knew that he had been lusting after a Muggleborn witch for most of his past school years and was currently shagging an engaged woman. Would Mrs. Shacklebolt still believe in his ability to pick a suitable girlfriend? James had not illusions in this regard. Lily was by no means a suitable match for him. She was Muggleborn and came from a middle class family. He doubted that his parents would be thrilled, but they would probably support him. However, other pure-bloods would not be so forgiving. Sometimes, they could turn a blind eye to less than stellar blood if the partner was rich enough, but Lily had no redeeming qualities for the more traditional pure-bloods. James pushed the thought away. He was daydreaming again. He was not closer to dating Lily than he had been a year ago. She was still dating Palmer and he was still dating Amber. He still wanted Lily, of course, but he had caught himself dreaming about a future with Amber as well at multiple times through the last month. Maybe that was his fate. To flicker from one unreachable witch to the next without really getting anywhere. Maybe he should take a leaf out of Sirius’s book and just go for the easy shags. While casual intimacy was not really his cup of tea, it was certainly preferable to pining for someone completely out of reach.

Mrs. Shacklebolt looked like she wanted to ask him another question, given that he had hardly responded to her previous statement. James dreaded what was about to come next, but before he could figure out a way to get out of this conversation without being rude, he was saved by the start of the donations.

‘Welcome all,’ said a tall man in healer robes who had just appeared on the stage. ‘I am head healer John Matthews and I am happy to welcome you all to our annual fundraiser.’

A polite round of applause followed his words, though it seemed rather unenthusiastic. James thought he knew why: Matthews was not a pure-blood name. So, their host was either a half-blood or a Muggleborn. Combined with the goal of today’s donation, this was a rather big provocation aimed at the blood purists in the crowd.

‘Thank you,’ said Matthews. ‘As you know, all of today’s donation will be used to improve the treatment of all victims of the terrorist group called the Death Eaters. This includes aurors as well as regular wizards and witches as well as Muggles who need to be healed from spell induced damage in St. Mungo’s. As usual, you can drop any amount of money in the donation box over there or you can grab a piece of parchment and just write down what you want to donate. All donators will receive a letter of thanks from St. Mungo’s and will be included in our public list of supporters if they want it. Let’s use today to set a symbol of the equality of magical and non-magical people. It is our duty...’

Before he could finish the sentence, a flash of green light blazed through the room and connected squarely with his chest. Matthews remained standing for a moment, before falling to a ground, obviously dead. James whirled around, try to find the source of the spell, just as screams started to erupt in the crowd. Suddenly, figures in black hoods, were everywhere in the room. They were quickly engaged by the local security wizards and with a few minutes, spells flew through the crowded hall. James cursed as a purple spell grazed his right hand, leaving a small, but deep gash in his flesh. He had to get out of here. He glanced at the doors leading out of the room and was not surprised to see people trying to leave the room already. However, they were out of luck. No matter how they much the pulled at the door, it did not budge. James cursed. He would have to find another way. He dashed aside, jumped over a table holding various champagne flutes and crashed painfully to the floor behind it. Naturally, he had knocked over quite a few glasses during his hasty movement and broken glass rained down around him. He ducked and covered his face with his arms. When the clicking of falling glass had stopped, he decided to risk a glance at the room. He had to find his parents after all. Chaos had taken over. All he could see were people running around in panic as well as fighting each other. Some were fighting the Death Eaters while others seemed to fighting each other and ignored the dark wizards all together. James frowned. That did not make any sense. A spell flew in his direction and he ducked back down again. Fear gripped at his insides. He got his wand out of his pocket and gripped it so hard that his knuckles turned white. What was he going to do now? He was itching to go out there and try to stop the Death Eaters, but it would be utterly foolish to do so. He was seventeen after all and while he was quite good at duelling, he had never fought a dark wizard before. The Death Eaters had already shown that they were ready to kill and he doubted that they were going to show him any mercy. The smart thing to do would be to stay hidden and wait until the aurors arrived. Surely, they knew by now that the Death Eaters were attacking the fundraiser. But what if they did not? If they did not overpower the Death Eaters, they were all as good as dead. He did not understand, what the Death Eaters were doing here. The room was chock full with pure-bloods and they attacked them nevertheless? Apparently, blood status was not enough to keep one protected anymore. James felt another wave of fear rise through him. He had always assumed that the Death Eaters would be hesitant to kill him, as he was a member of one of the oldest pure-blood families. Yes, his family had been labelled blood traitors by many of the more traditional pure-bloods, but he had never expected their hatred to be that deep. It was a harsh reminder of how serious the conflict had become by now. James took a deep breath a tried to regain a grip on himself. He did not feel like a brave Gryffindor at the moment. He just felt scared and wanted it all to be over. However, he could not just stay here and wait for the Death Eaters to finish them off one by one. He had to find his parents! While both his mother and his father had been very good duellers in their youth, they were both old by now and probably would not be able to defend themselves. He was not going to lose them to the Death Eaters. James gathered his courage and poked his head out of his hiding place. The chaos was even more intense than it had been some moments ago. More of the guests had started fighting back and spells ricocheted trough the room. James did not see any more of that devastating green light, which he suspected to be the dreaded killing curse, but he most of the spells did look rather dangerous. Taking heart by the fact that nobody was actively aiming at him, he carefully left his hiding place with his wand at the ready. Where were his parents? In the chaos it was very difficult to find them. He cast a glance around and in his distraction was promptly shoved aside roughly from an agitated man. He lost his balance and hit the ground hard, his wand clattering away on the floor. James cursed and scrambled to pick it up again. In the process, he barely avoided getting kicked in the face by a panicked witch. James cursed again. Never mind the spells, he was in more danger of being trampled to death if he wasn’t careful.

‘Protego,’ he yelled as soon as his fingers closed around his fallen wand. A magic shield appeared around him. James breathed a sigh of relief. The shield spell was going to prevent people from crashing into him and would deflect most the spells. However, it would make it extremely difficult for him to navigate through the thick crowd without knocking people away left and right. He needed another way to find his parents. It was just like finding the snitch during a Quidditch game. Granted, usually you were not in danger of getting murdered while playing Quidditch, but that was beside the point. An idea struck James in that moment: He needed a higher vantage point if he wanted to find his parents in this chaos. He glanced at the ceiling and was pleased to see that it was rather high. A simple hovering charm would be enough to get him up a few feet which hopefully would allow him to spot his parents. However, it would also paint a target sign on him as the Death Eaters would also be able to see him. James cursed. He could really use his invisibility cloak by now, but it was still at Hogwarts and therefore far out of reach. Well, fortunately, there were other ways to make himself harder to see. His best choice was probably the disillusionment charm, though he was rather bad at doing it. Sirius and him had started toying around with the charm during their last year, as they were by now too tall to all fit comfortably under the invisibility cloak, but neither of them had really gotten the hang out the charm. Well, there was no time like the present to learn. James whacked himself on the head with his wand, while muttering the incantation. He felt something cold trickle over his body and was pleased to see that the charm had worked. He looked down at his body. If the charm had worked properly, he would now share the colour and texture of the wall behind him, making him very hard to see. However, his charm had only worked partially. While the colour was almost right, his texture had not changed at all. James cursed softly under his breath, but decided that it was had to be enough. A wayward spell cracked against his still active shield charm, startling him. He wildly looked around, trying to find his assailant, but was not able to see anyone. He relaxed slightly. It had probably been cast at someone else and had gone astray. Still, it was a harsh reminder of in how much danger he was in. If that spell had been something dark which could have penetrated his shield, he would not even have seen it, before it hit him. He needed to be more careful. Well, as careful as one could be in his situation. He took a deep breath and cast the hovering charm on himself. He slowly rose up to the ceiling and the higher he got, the better he could gauge the chaos in the room. The Death Eaters were still at large, but more and more people were pushing back against them. James could not spot any more dead bodies. Apparently the Death Eaters were strangely hesitant to toss around the killing curse. He wondered why that was. They did not have any qualms in killing Matthews after all. Maybe he had been wrong before and they were still hesitant to spill any pure blood. In all this commotion, they were probably hard-pressed to tell the pure-bloods from the half bloods and the Muggleborns. Maybe, they were just being careful. That was a hopeful thought, but James found it difficult to understand the motives of a Death Eaters. He spotted an obviously injured Death Eater falling back to his friends and felt hope swell in his chest at the sight. They were not dead yet. They still had the chance to get out of here alive and in one piece.

His gaze continued to travel over the crowd. He saw a few children cower in a corner behind an overturned table. They could not be older than twelve. The body of a woman laid at their feet. James could not tell whether she was still alive, but he desperately hoped that she was. Was she the mother of one of kids? James imagined losing his mother to these beasts at such a young age. The thought made him sick in his stomach. These kids deserved better. His tore his gaze away and finally spotted what he had been looking for all along: his parents. He saw his father’s messy head of hair at one of the columns in the front of the room. He was duelling with a Death Eater, while his mother was slumped against the column, clutching at her side. Fear clawed at James. Naturally, his parents were in the very heart of the fighting. He had to do something! He wondered whether he would be able to hit the Death Eater with a spell out of this distance. It was rather unlikely and he did run the risk of hitting his father by mistake. No, that was not the way to go. He needed to get closer to help his father properly. To do so, he needed to get back to the ground and walk over there on foot. He bit his lower lip for a moment. Getting through all the people in the way would be difficult. He might have to fight his way free and that could be close to impossible if he encountered a Death Eater. Still, he had to do something. Just staying up here was no alternative. James was a Gryffindor after all and bravery was the key quality of their house. A small voice in his head pointed out that stupidity and bravery were very similar, but he pushed it away. This was not the time to indulge his self-doubts. Just as he was about to reverse the hover charm to get back to the ground, a surprised shout sounded close to him. James looked down and saw a tall Death Eater looking straight at him. Fear shot through James, he was very vulnerable here as long as he was floating. The Death Eater shot a purple spell at him and James had to react. He impulsively cut his hovering charm and crashed to the ground. The impact knocked the wind out of him, but the Death Eater’s spell soared way over his head. Gathering his strength, he rolled left on the ground and cowered behind a column. He could here further spells cracking into the floor where he had been just minutes ago. His foe seemed determined to get him. James was not going to make it easy for him. The column gave him enough protection to get back to his feet. He silently cast a shield charm around him and peeked out of his save retreat. He found himself face to face with the Death Eaters. James yelped and staggered back, only barely keeping his footing. The Death Eater shot another spell at him which James recognized as a cutting charm. Fortunately, his shield was still in place, so it fizzled harmlessly against the protective barrier. James did not want to think about what the spell would have done to him if it had connected. Infuriated by his lack of success, James started to strike back. He cast a stunner at his opponent and followed it up with a silent disarming spell. His opponent had no trouble dodging the shield charm, but James almost succeeded in disarming him. The Death Eater’s wand slipped out of his fingers and he only barely managed to snatch it out of the air before it was out of his reach. James cast another stunner at him, but the Death Eater effortlessly blocked the spell with a shield charm.

‘You are not going to win this fight using stunners and disarming charms,’ he growled. His voice was deep and strangely distorted. James suspected that he was using a charm to mask his voice. ‘You are just a foolish school boy playing the hero.’

‘You decided to attack the fundraiser,’ said James. ‘Do you expect me to take this lying down?’

‘No, I expect you to die,’ snarled the Death Eater and started flinging spells at James.

James managed to block one curse and dodged another, but then a deep blue spell hit his left arm. He felt the bone in his arm snap and screamed in pain. Someone he managed to keep his footing and to block the follow up attack of the Death Eater. Nevertheless, he could feel panic rising in him. He was losing this fight. He only was still alive, because for some reason the Death Eater refrained from using the killing curse. James was not sure how long that was going to last. He could not flee, so his only choice was to try to win the duel. He could not stay defensive all the time. That was just going to drag out the duel and end up with him losing nevertheless. The Death Eater only needed him to mess up once and it would be done. Fortunately, the same was also true for James.

Screwing up his courage, he bashed aside another curse of the Death Eater and started flinging spells of his own. His stunner got blocked as well as his body bind curse, but his cutting charm was too fast for the Death Eater to block. It hit him in the right shoulder and a large gash appeared in his black robes as well as in the flesh underneath. The Death Eater gasped in pain.

‘How dare you?’ he snarled. ‘I am going to teach you real pain you little brat. Crucio!’

The spell was too quick for James to block or evade. Pure, unbearable pain sliced through his body and almost wiped out his consciousness. He was only dimly aware of dropping to the floor and losing his wand. Every inch of his body was on fire. James could hear himself screaming, but it felt so far away. He was alone with his pain. When he thought he could not last another moment, the pain suddenly stopped. James gasped and tried to move, but he was incredibly weak. He had lost his glasses while he had been under the curse and could only see blurry shapes. Suddenly, his hearing normalized again and he could hear scream, spells flying as well as voices nearby.

‘The aurors are here, we have to go,’ said a distorted voice. ‘Move it.’

‘Just one moment,’ said another distorted voice, which James recognized as the Death Eater’s. ‘Let me kill that brat first. This will emphasize our message.’

‘That is James Potter, you idiot,’ said the first voice again. ‘Leave him alone, we have plans for him.’

James tried to make sense out of that statement, but his mind was not cooperating. Black spots started to appear in his vision. He fought with the unconsciousness which was creeping in on him and lost.

Chapter 17

Chapter Text

James could hear distant voices, but his brain was too foggy to understand anything. He felt very weak, much too weak to do anything more than lying on this soft bed. His left arm prickled slightly, but the discomfort was not too bad. He felt light headed and slightly disoriented. What was going on? He tried to remember what had happened to him, but his memories were treacherous and slippery. As soon as he tried to grip one of them, it slipped through his fingers and disappeared back into the vast space of his mind. It was rather frustrating, but James was not overly concerned. At the moment, he found it hard to worry about anything. In fact, despite his weakness, he felt happy. Had someone hit him with a cheering charm? It was warm in his bed and he was rather sleepy. Maybe he should just try and get back to sleep. Surely, whatever was going on could wait for some more time. He slipped back into unconsciousness.

When he woke next, his mind felt clearer and his body felt stronger. With great effort, he managed to open his eyes, only to find himself in a dark and blurry room which he did not recognize. Where was he? He gingerly sit up in his bed and tried to find his glasses. He could barely see the outlines of a small table next to his bed and reached over to it, groping for his glasses. Without them, he was not going to make sense of his surroundings. However, all he managed to do was to knock over a glass which had been resting on his bedside table. It fell to the floor and shattered loudly into pieces. James cursed softly and then yelped in surprise as when room suddenly was brightly illuminated. He shielded his sensitive eyes, but still tried to find out who had switched on the light. Was he not alone here?

‘Relax, Prongs,’ said a gruff voice. ‘Everything is alright.’

‘Sirius?’ said James. His eyes had gotten used to the light by now and he was searching for Sirius in the room. He found a blurry shape in what probably was a chair opposite of his bed which may be his friend. Sirius snorted.

‘I had forgotten how blind you are without your glasses,’ said his best friend. ‘I have got them somewhere around here. Hang on. Ah, here they are.’

Sirius walked over to James’s bed and placed his glasses on his face. The room slid into focus and for the first time since waking up James could clear see his surroundings. He was in St. Mungo’s. The plain white of the room was unmistakable. Memories rushed back as he processed that information. The fundraiser, the fight against the Death Eaters and his parents... Where were his parents?

‘My parents, are they alright?’ croaked James, suddenly realizing how dry his throat was. Sirius grinned at him and took out his wand. He repaired the shattered glass with a casual flick and then filled it with water. James took the glass and drank greedily.

‘Slowly,’ said Sirius. ‘You don’t want to choke on the water or upset your stomach. Your parents would skin me alive if you came to any harm during my watch.’

‘Where are they?’ asked James again, after emptying the glass. ‘Are they alright?’

‘They are fine,’ said Sirius. ‘Your mum was a bit worse for wear, but the healers patched her right up. Now they are back home, resting. I only took me three hours to talk them into going home. They were exhausted, but did not want to leave you alone here. So, I offered to stay and watch you.’

‘Thanks,’ said James. ‘They probably could do with some rest. How long have I been here?’

‘Close to two days,’ said Sirius. ‘You were unconscious for most of the time though. The healer said that this was a result of the nerve damage done by the Cruciatus Curse. They gave you some potions to fix it all up, but apparently the healing process is quite taxing for the body. They said that you would be alright, though. The damage is not permanent.’

‘That’s good,’ said James. ‘When I do get out of here? I have to get back to school today, haven’t I?’

‘Easy there,’ said Sirius. ‘The healers were hopeful that you could return to school on time, but they still have to verify that the healing process works as intended.’

‘Alright,’ said James. ‘What’s the time? The sky is getting light.’

‘It is almost six in the morning,’ said Sirius, checking his watch. ‘Your parents will probably be here soon. I have told them that they should lie in, but they probably will not listen to me.’

‘I see,’ said James. ‘Have they told you what happened?’

‘A bit,’ said Sirius. ‘And I have read the papers. People are in uproar. The Death Eaters have really shown their strength this time. The fundraiser was rather well guarded after all. You made into the paper as well, by the way.’

‘What?’ said James. ‘How? What did they write?’

‘They mentioned you as one of the people injured during the attack,’ said Sirius. ‘The bloody hawks even somehow found out that you had been placed under the Cruciatius Curse. They probably have some sources inside of the hospital. Looks like your fifteen minutes of fame have started, mate.’

While James appreciated Sirius’s attempt to lighten the mood, this was not the time for jokes.

‘How many?’ he asked Sirius.

‘How many what?’

‘How many people were killed?’ clarified James. ‘How bad was it?’

‘Nine people were killed,’ said Sirius. ‘First one was the healer, the rest security wizards of the hotel. When the aurors arrived, the Death Eaters fled the scene. All of them got away. More than fifty people were injured, but only a few of them as seriously as you were.’

‘Bloody hell,’ cursed James. ‘These bastards! It is about time that the Ministry did something against them! I can’t believe that they have not managed to even catch one of them. What are the bloody fools doing all day?’

‘The prophet said that it could have been much worse,’ said Sirius. ‘Apparently the Death Eaters were "holding back" or something. Sounded like a load of rubbish to me, though. Killing nine people hardly seems holding back to me.’

‘Well,’ said James, thoughtfully. ‘I suppose the prophet is right. The Death Eaters only killed Matthews with the killing curse. If they had started tossing that around, it would have been a massacre.’

‘They used the killing curse?’ asked Sirius, looking pale. ‘They kept that one out of the prophet. Damn it, James, what were you thinking seeking a duel with a Death Eater? If he had taken the duel seriously, you surely would have been dead by now!’

‘How did you know that I duelled a Death Eater?’ asked James.

‘I overheard an auror telling your parents,’ said Sirius. ‘Apparently, he saw the very end of the duel when they entered the hall. He was stressing how incredibly brave it was of you to take on the Death Eater. Incredibly stupid seems more fitting to me.’

‘Hey,’ protested James. ‘What are you on about? You have been saying again and again this year how much you want to fight Death Eaters and now you are chewing me out because I did not take a Death Eater attack lying down? Seems rather hypocritical to me, Padfoot.’

‘Fighting and getting yourself killed are two different things,’ said Sirius haughtily. ‘You should have kept your head down and made sure that you stay alive to fight another day. Dying does not help anybody.’

‘Right,’ said James, rolling his eyes. Sirius was probably just trying to say that he had been worried about James. Showing emotions was not his best mate’s forte, so he tended to embed them in rather cryptic statements. Fortunately, James had more than enough experience to see through his friend’s behaviour. ‘You know you can just tell me that you were worried about me. I am not going to hold it against you.’

‘How was the duel?’ asked Sirius, ignoring his last statement. ‘I mean, it is obvious that you have lost, but I have always wondered just how skilled these Death Eaters are. Were you able to stand your ground?’

‘No,’ said James glumly. ‘He was a much better dueller than I was. He probably could have killed me a dozen times during the duel if he really wanted to. I got in a cutting charm, but I think I only managed to land it because he underestimated me. I doubt that he would have made that mistake against an auror.’

‘Bloody hell,’ said Sirius. ‘I guess Moony was right all along: It would be wise for us to stay out of the conflict and leave it to the professionals. But doing nothing does not sit right with me. Maybe there is something else we can do...’

Before, James could think about a reply to that statement, a brief knock on the door broke the silence in the room. The door opened immediately afterwards and a healer entered the room. He was accompanied by a nurse carrying a breakfast tray as well as James’s parents.

‘Here we are,’ muttered Sirius, checking his watch. ‘Six o’clock sharp and they are here already. Unbelievable...’

‘I have to protest again,’ said the Healer to Mr. Potter. ‘The visiting hours only start in two hours. I have no idea what you have told Healer-in-Charge Wood, but it is absolutely unacceptable. How are we supposed to do our job if visitors swarm this place?’

‘Your protest is noted,’ said James’s father. He looked very tired and older than James had ever seen him. However, his eyes were still sharp behind his glasses, even though they were currently rather cold. ‘I assure you that we are not going to cause any problems. But you are free to discuss the issue with Wood. And if you do, kindly tell him to come around for dinner next Friday. I forgot to tell him yesterday.’

James had to suppress a smile at the horrified look on the healer’s face. His father had clearly outmanoeuvred him. It was not surprising. His father had always had a very cunning and political mind - he had once told James that the Sorting Hat had in fact considered to put him into Slytherin - and was very well connected as a result of his time in the auror department. A regular healer was no match for him.

The healer mumbled something about not wanting to disturb Wood and then focused his attention on James.

‘Ah, Mr. Potter,’ he said. ‘It is good to see that you are awake. I am healer Wayne Smith and I have been responsible for your treatment since you arrived at the hospital. How are you feeling?’

‘Weak,’ said James. ‘And my arm is very tender.’

‘Both perfectly normal,’ said Smith. He waved his wand in a complicated pattern over James. Various small bubbles shot out of it and hung in the air for a moment. They had different colours: Most of them were shades of blue, but James could see some yellow and violet ones as well. He did not know what they were supposed to mean, but apparently the meant something to Smith. He mumbled something under his breath and then flicked his wand again, making the bubbles disappear in the process.

‘Well, that looks quite alright,’ said Smith. ‘The nerve damage done by the Cruciatus Curse is healing nicely. It will take about a week until everything is normal again. You will most likely experience subnormal sensitivity to touch and pain as well as mild problems with hand eye coordination in the meantime. You have to rest and stay away from anything overly taxing, especially any physical activity. The healing of your arm has been rather difficult due to the nature of the curse which was cast upon you. Fortunately, we were able to heal the bone cleanly, but there still is some lingering tissue damage which will heal on its own over time. You have to make sure that your left arm is not overworked during the next few weeks. I was told that you play Quidditch: You should not play during the next week because of the nerve damage and afterwards you should ease into it, because of your arm. You should do short practice sessions and avoid any damage to your arm caused by bludgers or falls. I will write a letter to your school matron. She is supposed to supply you with nerve healing potions as well as strengthening solutions for at least the next two weeks.’

‘Does this mean that I am well enough to return to school?’ asked James. He could hardly believe it. He did not feel strong enough to spend his days studying. However, he strongly preferred school to the hospital, so he was not complaining. He was rather surprised that St. Mungo’s was freely releasing him already. He had after all been subjected to one of the unforgivable curses.

‘Well,’ said Smith, with a dark look at James’s parents. ‘In my opinion, you should stay in the hospital for at least one more week, so that we can keep an eye on you. However, your parents were strongly against that and wanted to take you home. Apparently, they feel that they can offer better care there.’

James’s lips twitched and he had a hard time from keeping a grin to appear on his face. His parents had always been very fussy whenever he had been sick. He could vividly imagine his mother berating the healer about how to treat him properly. He supposed this was a result of him being an only child and that his parents had never expected to have any children at all after having been childless for so long.

‘We argued quite a bit about this and in the end decided on a compromise,’ continued Smith. ‘Hogwarts has a rather competent matron who will know what to do if you are getting worse. Therefore, I am allowing you to return to school. However, you will have to report to Miss Pomfrey every evening until she deems you completely healed. Do you feel up to getting back to Hogwarts?’

‘Yes,’ said James quickly. He certainly had no desire to remain here any longer than necessary. Pomfrey would take good care of him, even though she tended to be rather strict. She’d probably make him stay in the hospital wing if he so much as coughed in her presence.

‘Brilliant,’ said Smith, but his voice was rather cold. Apparently, he took Mr. Potter’s meddling in his affairs as a personal insult. ‘You should eat your breakfast and take the potions we have prepared for you. You are scheduled to be dispatched from the hospital in two hours. Have a nice day.’

The nurse left the breakfast and the potions on James’s bedside table. James noted that she was very pretty with her shiny chestnut brown hair, big blue eyes, a button nose and a slender figure. She could not be much older than he was. He could feel blood rushing in his face at her intense gaze.

‘You should take the small vial before eating and the big one afterwards,’ she said in a melodic voice. ‘Be sure to eat up, your body is going to need nutrients to repair the damage.’

‘I will,’ said James weakly. She gave him a big smile, before walking over to healer Smith. They bade their goodbye and left the room. Sirius let out a whistle after the door had closed.

‘Maybe there are perks to staying in St. Mungo’s after all, Prongs,’ he said. ‘She certainly is nicer to the eyes than Pomfrey is. And she seemed much nicer too.’

‘Don’t be crude, Sirius dear,’ said Mrs. Potter. She walked over to James and gave him a tight hug. ‘I am so glad that you are alright Jamie! Your father and I were so worried!’

‘It’s alright, mum,’ said James, returning the hug. ‘I am fine.’

‘Obviously, you are not,’ said Mr. Potter gruffly. ‘You are pale as a sheet, James. You should drink your potions and eat something. Victoria, give the boy some room.’

James sighed softly. Now he had no choice but to eat each and every bit of this breakfast, even though he did not feel like it. His mother would pay close attention to him and would scold him if he left as much as a crumb. His stomach felt rather queasy, but he nevertheless reached for the small vial. He did not bother to read the label. Instead, he uncorked it and downed it in one go. It tasted rather minty and not at all unpleasant. That was surprising, healing potions were not known for their good taste after all. Instantly, heat spread out in James’s body and his stomach settled a bit. That was not too bad. He reached for a piece of toast, spread some butter on it and took a tentative bite. After chewing and swallowing, he suddenly realized how hungry he was. He demolished the slice of toast in record time and quickly moved onto his scrambled eggs.

‘Good,’ said Mr. Potter. ‘The potion seems to be working. Let’s see how you look like after you have eaten, James. We can still keep you in the hospital if you prefer to.’

‘It’s fine,’ said James. ‘I am glad to be out of here. I will be fine at Hogwarts.’

‘You can always stay at the manor if you still need some rest, Jamie,’ said his mother. Sirius snickered softly at the nickname, but a glare from Mrs. Potter shut him up.

‘I think, I should get back to school,’ said James. ‘I don’t want to draw more attention to this attack than necessary.’

‘Prongs, you were attacked by a Death Eater and cursed with the Cruciatus,’ said Sirius. ‘The Death Eaters will hardly feel even more vindicated because you stay home for a week.’

‘There is more,’ said James. ‘When the aurors arrived, I was already beaten. The Death Eater fighting me had just stopped the Cruciatus when another Death Eaters showed up and told him that they had to leave. The first Death Eater wanted to kill me before leaving the area, but the second one stopped him. He told him that he was fighting James Potter and that they had plans for me. Than the two of them left and I fell unconscious.’

His mother gasped at that information and clapped a hand over her mouth. Sirius cursed loudly and rather colourfully. His father, however, only looked thoughtful.

‘What do they mean that they have plans for you?’ asked Sirius. ‘Are they dumb enough to think that you of all people will join them?’

‘Maybe’, said James. ‘I think that are rather interested in drawing our family into their cause. We are pure-bloods after all.’

‘But we have been labelled as blood traitors for a long time,’ said his mother. ‘Maybe they have already planned something horrific for you, Jamie. We have to be careful! Richard, we have to review the security measures of the manor. Until we are sure that our home is secure, Hogwarts is probably the safest place for James to be.’

‘That’s probably a good idea,’ said Mr. Potter. ‘I am not sure that we ought to assume the worst, but we should certainly be careful. James, you should keep your head down at Hogwarts, as I have already told you during the summer. I was rather pleased about the lack of letters from McGonagall in which she lists your misdemeanours and I would prefer it to stay that way. You should keep away from the Slytherins and all other potential supporters of Voldemort. Try to appear neutral in that conflict. I know that it is not easy for you, but revealing your true intentions does not do you any good.’

‘Yeah, alright,’ said James. ‘I will try to keep up the charade, but I am not going to walk away when I see any purists tormenting muggle-borns.’

‘Fair enough,’ said his father. ‘I just want to buy us some time. I am sure that Voldemort’s luck is going to run out soon. The Ministry will start to take the threat seriously after the attack on the fundraiser. He cannot hide from the aurors forever. As we used to say in the department: A criminal has to get lucky every time, we just have to get lucky once. If things go the right way, he will be in prison way before we can get sucked into this ridiculous conflict. The Potter family has lost enough members fighting dark wizards. We must not get involved until we have to.’

James had trouble sharing his father’s enthusiasm. Sure, it certainly was a possibility that Voldemort was caught, but the Ministry’s less than stellar performance in this conflict, did not bolster his confidence in the institution. Still, he had to admit that it was a rather prudent strategy, even if it went against his instinct.

‘I understand,’ he said.

‘Richard, do you think that there is any way we can help?’ asked his mother. ‘Staying on the side-lines is all well and good, but the strategy will only work if they actually catch this lunatic. We would have to be discreet, of course, but maybe we can donate some money to the auror department or something.’

‘Maybe...’ said his father thoughtfully. ‘I am going to see if I can have lunch with Scrimgeour. I still know him from my time in the department. He is a good auror and his heart is in the right place. Sirius, I need you to take an eye on James while he is on Hogwarts. While I don’t believe that someone will actually break into the school, it would be foolish to assume that all students are saints. With the Death Eater’s threats in mind, James should not gallivant around the school on his own.’

‘I don’t need a nanny,’ said James, but his father and Sirius just ignored him.

‘I will make sure that he is save, I promise,’ said Sirius, standing a bit straighter than he normally did. James rolled his eyes. Despite his love for trouble, Sirius tended to be quite well-behaved to his parents. James suspected that his best mate was eager to feel part of a family. No matter how often he claimed not to care about his family, James knew that the rift between them was hurting Sirius. Especially because it had also caused him to lose his brother. Regulus was a sore subject for Sirius and James strongly suspected that he cared more for his brother than he let on. It was fortunate that Sirius got along so well with his parents. Maybe his family could mend the wounds Sirius’s original one had caused.

‘Good boy,’ said his father. ‘I knew I could count on you. You may not be a Potter on paper, but you will always be welcome in our family. You do know that, don’t you?’

‘I do,’ said Sirius thickly. He looked truly grateful and slightly teary, so James decided to divert the attention away from his friend. Sirius hated to appear weak.

‘Do Remus and Peter know that I am alright?’ he asked. ‘Sirius told me that the paper mentioned my injury and they may still be worried about me.’

‘I have already written them a letter,’ said his mother. ‘I have to say, I am rather disappointed in the Prophet. They did not even ask us for permission whether they could write about your condition! You may be of age, but we are still your parents and you were hardly available for comment. How dare they invade our privacy like that? As soon as you are back at Hogwarts, Jamie, I am going to write them a howler. You should be free to tell only the people you want to know about that dreadful night. By now, the rumour mill at Hogwarts will probably have twisted the true event beyond recognition.’

‘What do you know about the Hogwarts rumour mill?’ asked James, astonished.

‘While I am not that young anymore, I also attended Hogwarts,’ said his mother pointedly. ‘And even in my days, students loved to gossip about almost everything. I suspect it possibly was even worse back then. With all the arranged marriages around, every new day could bring some completely unforeseen new couple. I doubt that things have improved since then.’

‘Were there a lot of rumours about Mr. Potter and you, Mrs. Potter?’ asked Sirius innocently. James had to stifle a snort. Leave it to Sirius to take that conclusion from his mother’s comment.

‘As a matter of fact there were,’ she said with a huff of annoyance. ‘Somehow people got the idea that my parents were only marrying me to Richard, because I was already pregnant. By another men no less. Scandalous, just scandalous.’

James had to stifle a smile at the look of outrage on her face. Apparently, the old wounds still had not closed completely. He glanced at Sirius and warily noted the dancing amusem*nt in his friend’s eyes. The git was enjoying this far too much.

‘I completely agree,’ said Sirius with a surprisingly straight face. ‘What a ridiculous rumour to spread. Surely, they did not dare dragging your name through the mud as well, Mr. Potter.’

‘Fortunately not,’ said Mr. Potter. ‘I probably was not that interesting to the rumour mongers.’

‘Oh really?’ said his wife, looking at him sharply. ‘And what about Vivienne Malfoy?’

‘Viktoria, I have told you time and time again that these rumours lacked all foundation,’ said his father.

‘They were surprisingly presistent,’ said Mrs. Potter. ‘Completely baseless rumours rarely are.’

‘I am afraid, I have lost track of the conversation,’ said Sirius, with a slightly puzzled expression on his face. ‘Who is Vivienne Malfoy?’

‘She is not important...’ said Mr. Potter, but was interrupted by his wife.

‘She was a year below us and in Slytherin,’ she said. ‘Very pretty if you like that pale and blonde look the Malfoys have. According to some, Richard and she had a rather steamy affair during their time at Hogwarts. Nothing was ever proven, but the rumours remained.’

‘They were utter rubbish and still are today,’ said Mr. Potter. ‘And it is all water under the bridge now. Vivienne has been married for close to fifty years now. We should let the rumours die.’

‘That sounds like a very wise idea,’ said Sirius sagely, causing James’s restraint to snap. He burst out laughing and thereby also sent Sirius over the edge.

‘Very funny,’ said Mr. Potter after the two of them had calmed down. ‘I am glad that the two of you can find mirth in our misery. Well, I am going to make sure that they will release you today, James. Finish your breakfast and get dressed, we are leaving as soon as possible. Come on, Victoria.’

He and his wife swept from the room. James watched them leave and shared another look with Sirius, which promptly caused them to burst out laughing again. It felt good to be able to laugh, as it made the tension bearable.

Chapter 18

Chapter Text

James started to regret returning to Hogwarts before being fully healed as soon as he realized how many staircases he would have to climb on a daily basis. He had just eaten dinner on his first day back and was slowly making his way up to the hospital wing with Sirius hovering at his side. James had been in a foul mood all day. Despite the potions, he was still feeling very weak and like always when he was feeling sick, he became very irritable. It did not help that most students seemed very interested in his run in with the Death Eater. James had lost count of the people who had tried to wheedle information about that fateful night from him. Only when he had whipped out his wand and threatened to curse the next one messing in his business, he had been left alone. Well, almost alone, as Sirius had taken James’s father’s words to heart and wasn’t leaving him out of his sight. Marlene had looked very worried as well, so James assumed that he would have to deal with her scrutiny as well.

‘I need a moment,’ he panted to Sirius and sank to the floor next to a barrier. His heart was pumping very fast and he could feel sweat soaking into his undershirt. To make matters worse, he still had two flights of stairs to cross. He had clearly overestimate his strength.

‘Take your time mate,’ said Sirius, who looked worried. ‘Are you sure you are alright? I did not expect you to be that weak.’

‘I am fine,’ said James through clenched teeth.

‘Of course you are,’ said Sirius lightly, though James could tell that he did not believe him. Sirius was probably just saving his breath. James could be very stubborn when he wanted to be and he was not going to return to St. Mungo’s unless Madame Pomfrey made him. He hated hospitals and he was not going to give these Death Eaters bastards the satisfaction. He was going to be alright soon.

‘Let’s move,’ said James, after his breathing had returned to normal. ‘Pomfrey is probably already waiting for me. She was told to expect me after dinner.’

‘Then we should not keeping her waiting much longer,’ said Sirius. He grabbed James’s hand and pulled him to his feet. James swayed for a moment, but then stabilized. Determined, he started climbing more stairs. Sirius stayed at his sight, ready to catch him should he stumble. On the one hand, James was touched by his best mate’s diligent care for him on the other hand he was starting to get annoyed. He was neither a child nor on his death bed. He could get to the hospital wing just fine on his own. Nevertheless, he chose not to start an argument with Sirius about this. He just did not have the strength to argue right now. They had just reached the corridor leading to their destination, when a voice called out to them.

‘Sirius, James, wait up!’

James turned around and spotted Amber jogging towards them. Her cheeks were slightly pink from the effort and her long blonde curls swayed behind her. She looked very pretty, but James was not too pleased about seeing her. He just wanted to get his potions and go to bed.

‘Amber,’ said Sirius with a smile on his face. ‘Always a pleasure.’

‘Hey,’ she said, after she had reached them. ‘Sirius, I don’t want to be rude, but can you give James and me some time alone?’

‘Of course,’ said Sirius, before James could say anything. ‘Just make sure to deliver him to the hospital wing after you are down. Pomfrey will be waiting for him. Prongs, I will be waiting in Gryffindor Tower for you. Don’t do anything I would not do.’

He walked away after shooting a lecherous grin at James. James cursed inwardly. He had hoped that Sirius would chase Amber away and just get him to the Hospital Wing, but apparently, he could not rely on his best mate. Before he could come up with anything to say to Amber, she had closed the distance between and pulled him into a tight hug.

‘I am so glad that you are okay,’ she said. ‘I have read the Daily Prophet. You were so brave to fight the Death Eaters, Jamie!’

‘Thanks,’ said James quietly. He hugged her back and felt his displeasure at her presence vanish. ‘I am still undecided whether it was very stupid or very brave.’

She laughed, before pulling out of the embrace and looking at him critically.

‘Are you alright?’ she asked. ‘You look rather pale and look feverish. Should we talk some other time and get you to the Hospital Wing instead?’

‘It’s fine,’ said James. ‘I am just a bit weak, as I am still healing. I did not see you at dinner. Where have you been?’

‘Oh, I was in the kitchens,’ said Amber, who was still looking at him. Apparently, she was not convinced that he was truly fine. James could not blame her. He was exhausted, but he did not want her pity.

‘I needed some time to think and did not feel up to eating in the great hall,’ she continued.

‘That’s not surprising,’ said James. ‘I was told that you have sent invitations to your wedding. Did people bother you about it?’

‘Some were rather surprised, but it is nothing I can handle,’ she said drawing herself up to her full height. ‘I am hardly sensitive. I have something to tell you, though.’

‘I have expected as much,’ said James. ‘I guess that is the end then. With people knowing that you are going to get married to another man, we can hardly continue our relationship. It is okay, I have had time to...’

Amber pressed a finger to his lips, silencing him. James looked at her quizzically.

‘That is not what I wanted to tell you,’ she said. ‘I have talked about our relationship with Peter over the holidays.’

‘You have?’ said James, surprised. He had assumed that her fiancé did not appreciate the fact that his wife had a boyfriend at school. ‘Is he going to come here and challenge me to a duel? I am not quite up to that yet.’

‘Don’t be silly,’ said Amber, rolling her eyes. ‘Peter took it remarkably well. He did not seem to be overly surprised. He told me that he did not mind. After all, he had known all along that he was not going to marry a virgin. Also, he is a few years older and already had his fun with various girls, so he thinks it is only fair that I get to enjoy the rest of the school year with you. After that it will only be him and me, but before anything goes. He also has a girlfriend on the side.’

‘Wow,’ said James. ‘I never would have expected that. How do you feel about that? I probably wouldn’t be thrilled if I was in his position.’

‘Well, it seems rather fair, doesn’t it?’ said Amber. ‘If I am allowed to have you, why shouldn’t Peter be allowed to have some fun as well? I am not sure that it is a good sign for our marriage, but we will see that as we go along. After all, we have more than enough time to make it work.’

‘I suppose that’s true,’ said James. He was not convinced though. In his opinion, it was a terrible sign that both Fawley and Amber were having sex with other people so close to their marriage. He did not point that out though. Amber and he had already talked about that situation quite often and she had made her point of view clear: She was a pure-blood witch and therefore had to deal with being in an arranged marriage. James still was impressed by her rather cold acceptance of the situation, but he supposed that it was her way of dealing with it. He was not going to push her. It would do him no good to shatter her coping mechanism.

‘It is,’ said Amber. She stepped close to him and softly kissed him on the lips. ‘That means that we have some more time to enjoy each other’s company. Naturally, we have to stop once the train back reaches London, but I will take what I can get. You are not disappointed that I did not invite you to the wedding, are you? I briefly contemplated doing it, but I did not want to rub it into Peter’s face.’

James snorted.

‘That’s perfectly alright,’ said James. ‘I am not that masoch*stic that I want to see you married off to another man.’

‘Good,’ said Amber. She leaned in again and kissed him again. James kisser her back even though he knew it was a mistake. Their borrowed time was running out and instead of making a clean cut, he was still clinging to her. Things would only get harder the longer it went on, especially because they now probably would be under much closer observation than before. But he was too weak. He could not do it. He liked to believe that he did not want to break up with Amber because it would make her unhappy and that he was being noble in allowing her some escape for her last weeks at school. It was a lie of course. He was doing it for himself. It felt so good to have an easy and more or less working relationship after having been rejected by Lily so many times that he was unwilling to give it up. It was foolish and he would probably regret it in the future, but that was the way it was.

James felt a little light-headed when they stopped kissing. He was not sure whether it was caused by his lingering injuries or by their activities. Amber took another look at him and could see a sliver of concern in her eyes.

‘You look awfully, pale,’ she said. ‘Come one, I am going to get you to the hospital wing.’

He did not protest. He was feeling weak after all, maybe it was for the best that he had got to the hospital wing soon. He was not exactly looking forward to be lectured by Pomfrey, but it would be foolish not to get treatment when he needed it. They slowly walked the rest of the way. Amber kept glancing at him as if she expected him to collapse any moment. James wondered if he really looked that weak or if she was only fussing over him.

When they entered, Pomfrey was already waiting for them.

‘Finally,’ she snapped. ‘Sit down Potter, I have expected you half an hour ago!’

‘It was my fault madam,’ said Amber. ‘I am struggling with N.E.W.T.-level transfiguration and roped James into explaining some of the finer points to me. I did not know that he was supposed to meet you.’

‘It is fine, Marchbanks,’ said Pomfrey and she seemed to be a bit mollified. James shot Amber a grateful look and sat down heavily in the nearest hospital bed.

‘I am going to leave,’ said Amber after Pomfrey shot her a pointed look. ‘Get well soon, James.’

She left him alone with Pomfrey who immediately began casting all kind of diagnostic spells on him. She made a disapproving sound when she saw the results.

‘You are still very weak,’ she said. ‘The nerve damage is healing, but it will take time for you to get up to your normal level again. And you have to rest, Potter. You did not do anything but ride the train and eat dinner today and still you are pale as a sheet and obviously exhausted. I think it was a mistake for you to return to school that early. Are you sure that you don’t want to return to St. Mungo’s?’

‘I am,’ said James. ‘I am sure that I am going to get better care here.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ said Pomfrey, but James could tell that she was flattered. ‘Well, in any way, you are not fit to go to lessons for at least the rest of the week. And you should stay here, so I can easily keep an eye on you.’

‘Is this really necessary?’ asked James. He hated staying in the hospital wing. ‘I think I would be better off staying my dorm. I prefer to spend the night in my bed.’

‘We will see,’ said Madame Pomfrey. She rummage around in a cabinet and extracted three vials of potions. ‘Here, drink all of these. I am going to take a look at your vitals again, when the potions have done their job.’

James only recognized one of the potions - it was a strengthening solution -, but he did not even want to know what exactly he was supposed to drink. He trusted Pomfrey to take good care of him, so he just uncorked the first vial and with a sigh, downed it a fast as he could. Pomfrey paid close attention to him, as if she wanted to make sure that he took his medicine like a good boy. James felt a spike of irritation, but decided to ignore her. He drank the other two potions and conjured himself a glass of water to wash away the bad taste in his mouth. The potions worked quickly: He felt heat spread in his body, up to his toes and fingertips. Also, he felt a bit stronger than before and the room seemed to come in sharper focus.

‘Hm...’ said Pomfrey, eyeing him critically. ‘Well, you look a bit better, but I am still rather worried. Let’s take another look.’

She cast a plethora of diagnostic spells on him, even more than she had before. James could tell by the stern expression on her face that the results were not great.

‘Well, it is as I have feared,’ she said. ‘You are definitely going to have to rest for the rest of the week. And I am going to keep you here in the hospital wing. Your nerves were badly damaged by the Cruciatus and I will have to monitor the healing process closely.’

‘But, surely I am old enough to take...’

‘Not a word, Potter,’ she said sternly. ‘I have treated you enough during the past years to know that you are a terrible patient. You don’t have the necessary patience to give your body the rest it needs. You are going to stay here until I am satisfied with your healing. Arguing about it will only waste our time.’

James knew a lost cause if he saw one. Maybe she even had a point. He tended to get bored extremely quickly whenever he was sick. He probably would do something overly taxing after a day or two in bed. So, with a heavy sigh, he accepted his fate and sank down on the bed he was sitting on. It was going to be a long week.

To James’s joy, he was getting better faster than Pomfrey had anticipated. So, on Wednesday afternoon, she decided that he was well enough to get back to his dorm. She still expected to see him twice a day for his potions and he was not allowed to go to classes, but she was pleased with his progress nevertheless. James also suspected that she was just fed up with his complaining. He really was a lousy patient. He bade her goodbye and started the track back to the common room. He was feeling a lot stronger than he had felt just a few days before. His legs still were heavy and felt a bit unsteady, but at least he could climb a staircase without being soaked in sweat afterwards. He hoped that he would have his whole strength back soon. He was itching to get back on his broom and to start Quidditch training again. The final match of the season against Slytherin was going to be in a month and it would decide the victor of the Quidditch cup. He was determined to win it. It was his first season as a captain after all and he could imagine nothing better than crowning it with the cup. However, getting back on his broom would have wait for a few more days. His left arm was still a bit stiff and it was too risky to strain it already. He would have to take baby steps, but at least things were getting better. When he arrived back in the common room, it was almost completely empty. The last lessons of the day were still ongoing and only students with a free period were free to sit in the common room. James spotted Lily sitting close to the fire immediately after entering. She was busy with what looked like an ancient rune translation, but had looked up when the portrait hole had opened and spotted him. A brilliant smile took other her face.

‘You are back!’ she said, causing the rest of the common room to notice him as well. James waved at all of them and made his way over to her. He sank down in the seat opposite of her.

‘So, I am,’ he said. ‘A bit worse for wear, but it is going to be alright.’

‘How are you?’ she asked with a worried expression on her face. ‘Marlene told me that you were in the hospital wing, but she did not know what exactly was wrong with you.’

‘I am fine,’ said James, but corrected himself, when she gave him a dark look. ‘Alright, I am still feeling a bit weak, but I am getting better.’

‘Is this still related to the Death Eater attack?’ asked Lily. ‘I have heard that you were in St. Mungo’s.’

‘Yeah, I was,’ said James, after casting a quick Muffliato Charm for privacy. ‘But I asked them to let me go early. I thought that I was already mostly healed. Maybe that was a mistake. The bastards got me worse than I had anticipated.’

‘Is it true that you were placed under the Cruciatus?’ asked Lily. ‘The Prophet said you were, but I am not sure how reliable they are.’

‘The Prophet got it right,’ said James quietly. ‘I duelled a Death Eater during the attack. I lost. The Cruciatus was the last spell he cast on me before he fled with the rest of the bastards.’

‘James that is horrible!’ said Lily, looking shocked. ‘I have always known that the Death Eaters were monsters, but I never thought that they would attack a pure-blood like you!’

‘Apparently, they don’t care so much about blood purity as they claim,’ said James. ‘Remember, most Death Eaters consider my family to be blood traitors.’

‘Why?’ asked Lily. ‘I know that your family is not dark or traditional, but that does not seem to be enough for them to want to kill you. I mean, you are as pure-blood as they come! Shouldn’t they just consider you neutral?’

‘Well, you have to understand that in the pure-blood community, grudges take a long time to be forgotten,’ said James. ‘Every family has a reputation which was formed over the century and these are rarely reconsidered. My family is considered muggle-friendly because my grandfather, Henry Potter, who was once member of the wizengamot, attack the Minister of Magic of that time because he had forbidden the wizarding community from aiding Muggles during the First World War. Many purists were furious about my grandfather’s open support for Muggles. In their opinion, it is treason not to aggressively defend your blood. Therefore, the name Potter does not carry much weight in some pure-blood circles.’

‘Wow,’ said Lily. ‘Your grandfather did the right thing. Is he still alive?’

‘No,’ said James. ‘He died before I was born. My father told me that my grandfather was a good man, willing to stand up for his ideals. However, sometimes I am not sure that this a compliment, coming from my father.’

‘Why is that?’ asked Lily.

‘My father is a very cunning and calculating man,’ said James. ‘He was an auror for a long time and developed an excellent sense for people during his time. He is good at reading people as well as getting them to do what he wants. He learned not to show what he was truly feeling if it wasn’t necessary and he did not like how open his father was. Standing in for your beliefs is rarely a good idea in the power struggle most pure-bloods participate in.’

‘I see,’ said Lily. She looked thoughtful for a moment. ‘Was your father a Gryffindor as well?’

‘He was,’ said James. ‘But he told me that the Sorting Hat considered putting him into Slytherin. I think that even within a house there is a huge variety of characters. Just because you are sorted into a house the most does not mean that you don’t share some habits of other houses. Look at Sirius for example: He is a Gryffindor in his heart, but from his upbringing he would neatly fit into Slytherin as well.’

‘I think it is interesting that you are so different from your father,’ said Lily.

‘How can you say that?’ asked James. ‘You barely know him.’

‘True,’ said Lily. ‘Nevertheless, I have paid close attention to him and to what you just told me. I know you well enough, James, to know that you don’t mask your beliefs. You would never pretend to support a belief just because it would be convenient. Look at the raid on the fundraiser: You could have easily hid yourself and waited for it to pass. It probably would have been the smart thing to do, but you acted on your beliefs and fought back. That was incredibly brave.’

‘Maybe, but it was also rather dumb,’ he said, echoing his statement to Amber from two days ago. ‘I got cursed with an Unforgivable for nothing. And I don’t know what they wrote in the Prophet, but I did not decide to fight the Death Eaters, because I wanted to stand in for my beliefs. I wanted to make sure my parents were alright and ended up in a duel within minutes. I was not trying to be a hero.’

‘It does not matter why you did it, just that you did,’ said Lily sagely. ‘Most people would lack the courage you showed that day. I think if more pure-bloods were like you, the wizarding world would be a much better place.’

James was speechless for moment. He could not believe that Lily Evans of all people had just paid him such a compliment. After all, mere months ago, she had accused him of being just like the blood purists. He must be doing something right, after all. He wondered what Lily would think if she knew his father’s plans to blur the line between them and the Lord Voldemort supporters to keep their family save. He did not think that she would be impressed.

‘Thanks,’ he said quietly, suppressing the need to make a funny remark. He did not think that it would be appreciated. ‘Things have gotten seriously out of hand. The attack on the fundraiser was daring even for the Death Eaters.’

‘I like to believe that it is going to become better, but I doubt it,’ said Lily, looking worried. ‘The Ministry has announced tighter security measures and wants to hire more aurors. At least they are starting to take things seriously, but they have not exactly been very effective in the past. I doubt that this will be over when we graduate.’

‘Probably not,’ said James. ‘I hate that there is nothing we can do to help. The duel with the Death Eater showed me how much more powerful they are than us. Even Sirius scolded me for picking a fight with such an opponent if you can believe it.’

‘Well, then he is not as foolish as I thought,’ said Lily. ‘I believe Black that he wants to fight against the Dark Arts, but a schoolboy is not equipped to fight against murderers. We have to leave it to the aurors and then see what we can do when we graduate. Maybe we will join the auror squad ourselves one day.’

‘Would you like to become an auror?’ asked James.

‘I am not sure,’ said Lily. ‘My current plan is to become a healer, but with things being as they are, maybe I will join the auror department. Someone has to stand up for Muggleborns and if we don’t do it ourselves, who is going to do it? But I am not sure if I am made for duelling people.’

‘Well, you have hexed me quite some times in the past,’ said James.

‘That’s different,’ said Lily, who looked a bit pink in the face. ‘We are talking about duels to the death here. That is something else entirely. What about you? Your father was an auror after all.’

‘He was,’ said James. ‘He would like me to continue the family tradition and become an auror. I have toyed with the thought. Like you, I want to fight back. But it has been my childhood dream to become a professional Quidditch player. I have the talent and I am not sure that I am ready to give up that dream.’

‘I see,’ said Lily. ‘Well, we will just have to see what life takes us.’

Silence spread between them and after a few minutes, James decided to get up to his dorm to rest a bit before dinner. He bade goodbye to Lily and walked up the stairs, feeling much better than he had when he had returned to Hogwarts. Despite his injuries it was good to be back.

Chapter 19

Chapter Text

One morning in May, James walked down to Potions, their first lesson of the day, with the rest of the Marauders. They were running rather late, but James suspected that they were going to get there just in time. However, his mind was not on the upcoming lesson. Instead, he was still mentally digesting an article about modern Quidditch training which he had read hurriedly over breakfast. As he was back to his full health by now, he had started playing Quidditch again. He was training ferociously for their last match of the season which was schedules to happen this month. He wanted the Quidditch Cup badly. He had only won it once during his time as an active player, back in his third year. It was about time that he did it again. While he had become a much better player during the years, it had not been enough to earn the coveted trophy. As much as James liked to pretend, it simply was not possible to carry the whole team in Quidditch. They had been rather unlike, both in and outside matches. This year, however, things were looking good. Their final match was against Slytherin and while the enemy team was strong, they had been playing much weaker than James had anticipated during their last match versus Ravenclaw. Slytherin had to win by fifty points against them to win the cup. James could not let that happen. He had been drilling his team harder and more often than usual and while some had grumbled about the extra work so close to the exams, all were willing to do whatever was necessary to bring the cup home. He was still unsure whether adding some assistance exercise, as was suggested in the article, would be a good idea. He ought to talk it over with Sirius later.

‘Oi, what do we have here?’ said Sirius suddenly, when they rounded the corner leading to the classroom. ‘This looks like trouble.’

James glanced up and saw immediately what Sirius was talking about. Lily was glowering at Avery and Mulciber, while Mary was standing next to her, looking close to tears. Lily, Avery and Mulciber had all drawn their wands. The rest of their classmates were keeping their distances. James eyes searched for Snape. He expected him to be part of the commotion, but to his surprise, the Slytherin was at the very back to the throng of students, obviously trying very hard not be seen. He wondered what that was about. Snape had been more than willing to bully first years together with the rest of the Slytherins some months back. He had become soft all of a sudden? Or was he just trying to stay out of trouble because his mates were messing with Lily? James was convinced that Snape was heading for a career as a Death Eater like Mulciber, Avery and possible Rosier. It did not make any sense that Snape was now trying to distance himself from his future allies. Interestingly, Evan Rosier had also opted not to join in. He was standing a few feet away, with a rather haughty expression on his face.

‘Looks like we have to hex some Slytherins,’ said Sirius gleefully. ‘Ah, this never gets old.’

Before Sirius could do anything though, Mulcibers’s voice rang to the corridor.

‘Do you think I am afraid of you, you Mudblood slag?’ he snarled, glowering at Lily. ‘Maybe when I am through with you, you are going to know your place.’

‘You are welcome to try,’ said Lily angrily. ‘I have seen what you can do with a wand, Mulciber, and you are more a danger to yourself then you are to me. You are scum who likes to hurt other people, but I am not going to let you get away with this.’

‘We should probably break it up,’ said Remus. ‘This is going to get ugly soon.’

‘Yeah, I have got a clear shot at Mulciber,’ said Sirius, ‘I am going to hit him with a stunner and then we can take care of Avery.’

‘Don’t,’ said James. ‘We are not going to interfere unless we have to. Let’s get a bit closer, so that we can react quickly if things get ugly.’

‘What?’ asked Sirius. ‘James they are threatening Evans! I thought you of all people would be first in line to save her. You know, be her knight in shining armour.’

‘Lily can take care of herself,’ said James. ‘She does not need protection, nor does she like to be protected. Remus is a prefect, he is going to break it up and we are going to help him if necessary, but we are not going to hex anybody unless we are attacked.’

Sirius grumbled for a moment, but lowered his wand slightly. Remus looked pleasantly surprised. He probably had expected James to lose his temper. A fairly accurate assumption, after all James was furious with the Slytherins. However, he kept his fury in check. He had tried to fight Lily’s battles for her quite often in the past and usually, it had backfired spectacularly. He still had to wince when he thought about his attempts to make Snape apologize for calling her a Mudblood. No, she would want to defend herself on her own. Also, not attacking the Slytherins on sight kept him out of trouble and worked nicely with his father’s attempt at appearing neutral in the brewing civil war. They approached the group of students still eying each other warily. Neither Lily nor the Slytherins had made a move so far which surprised James. Lily was not known for her patience after all and Mulciber and his crew were obviously itching for a fight.

‘Ah, here comes Potter and his gang,’ said Avery. ‘Looks like you are in luck, Evans: Your knights in shining armour are here.’

‘I don’t need anyone to protect me,’ said Lily. ‘And you still have not apologized to Mary, Avery. You better do it before Slughorn gets here or things will get complicated.’

‘Why on earth would I apologize for telling her the truth?’ said Avery. ‘She is a filthy mudblood like you and both of you are going to be gone when the Dark Lord takes over. I am just giving you a little preview. And there is nothing you can do to make me apologize to scum like you.’

‘We will see about that,’ said Lily and threw a curse at Avery. Suddenly, the Slytherin was dangling upside down in the air by his ankle. James recognized the spell immediately: The levicorpus curse which he had used on Snape close to a year ago. He was impressed that Lily had managed to cast the spell that quickly and without shouting the incantation.

‘Oh dear,’ said Remus and brandished his own wand. ‘All of you, stop it! I am a prefect! Slughorn is going to be here any minute and you are all going to be in a lot of trouble.’

His calming words were ignored.

Mulciber let out a howl of rage and shot a nasty looking orange spell at Lily which she deflected with a shield charm. Before he could cast another spell, she hit him with a body bind hex. He went down with a crash. Lily looked around wildly, trying to spot any further attackers, but nobody dared to move.

‘Right,’ she said. ‘Does anyone else have something to say to Mary and me? No?’

Silence followed her rhetorical question.

‘Very well then,’ she said, pocketing her wand again. She looked up at Avery who was still dangling in the air. ‘You lot have big mouths and are bigots, but you are not Death Eaters. Keep that in mind when picking fights with people more powerful than you are.’

James had to stifle a smile at the look of outrage on Avery’s face. He certainly was not taking that defeat well. ‘You just wait, you dirty Mud…,’ said Avery, but he was interrupted by Slughorn’s arrival.

‘Good gracious, what is going on here?’ said Slughurn as he waddled towards them, his big belly leading the way. James resisted the urge to pull a face at the sight. Slughorn was a good teacher, but James had never cared much for his appearance. Being as fat as Slughorn was, clearly reflected a lack of control over his own appetite. Most pure-bloods were very conscious of their appearance and would never let themselves go like this. Sometimes, James wondered whether Slughorn truly was a pure-blood as he claimed to be. James had not recognized the family name. While it was possible that the Slughorns were just a small family which went by unnoticed, it was rather unlikely as most pure-blood families were always on the lookout for suitable matches for their children. Maybe it was one of these fringe cases where the blood line was almost pure and in a few generations the family would be considered pure-blood. Maybe when he got bored the next time, he would look into this.

‘Evans hexed me, Professor,’ complained Avery in a rather undignified voice. James admitted that it was difficult to appear dignified when hanging upside down in the air, but Avery did not have to whine about it that much.

‘Yes, I did,’ said Lily. ‘But I only did it because you were about to hex me instead. And you made Mary cry by telling her that she and her family were going to get killed by Death Eaters very soon. Don’t try to pretend that you are innocent.’

‘My, my, what troublesome behaviour,’ said Slughorn. ‘What about Mr. Mulciber? He seems to be in a body bind.’

‘I got him as well, because he attacked me after I hexed Avery,’ said Lily defiantly. James was surprised at the fire in her eyes. Lily normally shed away from all trouble and she highly respected Slughorn. She must be really angry for be that impertinent with him.

‘Dear, dear, Miss Evans, you seem to be on rather angry today,’ said Slughorn. He whipped out his wand and undid the body bind as well as the levicorpus. ‘Now, five points from Slytherin and Gryffindor for duelling in the corridors. Get inside, all of you.’

‘Can you believe that?’ hissed Sirius. ‘Five ruddy points for hexing each other? If that had been us, we would have lost fifteen points each and be put into detention. Slughorn is only being so merciful because his darling Evans was involved, I am telling you.’

‘Probably,’ said James. ‘Don’t forget that Avery’s father is rather well-connected as well. This is probably what protected him from a worse punishment.’

‘Bloody favouritism,’ grumbled Sirius.

‘Oh come off it, Sirius,’ said Remus impatiently. ‘If you had that kind of pull on Slughorn, you would abuse it day and night. Lily does not even like the attention in the first place and she was only defending her friend. I think it is quite alright that Slughorn went easy on hear.’

‘What’s that?’ said Sirius. ‘Are you, our darling prefect, claiming that the rules are not the same for everyone? I am shocked, Moony, shocked and appalled!’

‘Of course you are,’ said Remus, rolling his eyes. ‘You know Sirius, if I were a proper prefect, I would try to stop the pranks rather than be part of them. James and you have corrupted me and a little prefect’s badge does not change that fact.’

‘And we wouldn’t have you any other way, Moony,’ said Sirius reaching over to ruffle his friend’s hair. Naturally, Remus did not like to have his hair ruffled at all, so a small skirmish broke out between them until Slughorn noticed and made them stop.

James hardly paid attention to what Slughorn was telling them about general purpose antidotes. His mind was racing with what had just happened. He glanced at Lily and could instantly tell that she still was upset. She sat stiff as a poker in her seat and paid an almost indecent amount of attention to Slughorn. Mary was staring into space looking rather dazed a few seats away. James wondered whether he could help. He doubted it though and he would not be able to show open support if he wanted to follow his father’s strategy. It galled him to just watch as even Hogwarts became a battlefield in this conflict, but he did not dare disobey his father. His only had his parents after all and he was not going to risk antagonizing his only living family. Also, he had to admit that his father’s plan was rather well-crafted if also rather cold. Well... if he was not allowed to openly help Muggleborns like Lily he was going to it in secret. Not that she had needed his help today. In fact, he had been very impressed with her spell work. Still, he was going to speak to her about today as soon as he caught her alone. He did not want her to get the impression that he was suddenly supporting the purists. He also should make sure that she was alright. Lily was rather tough and had enough experience with scum like Avery to not be overly fussed by their insults, but he should double check nevertheless. James was not too sure about Mary, though, who had always been rather emotional. James supposed that he could try to cheer her up, but they were not close enough that he felt comfortable doing so. Maybe he should ask Lily about that too. Just as James was about to return his attention to the ongoing class, he noticed something strange. Evan Rosier was staring at him. James was used to Slytherin glaring at them, but Rosier’s expression was not overly hostile. In fact, he rather looked puzzled and interested. James wondered what that was about. Rosier was not as bad as Avery and Mulciber, but James strongly suspected him to be another Death Eater in training. It probably was not a good sign that Rosier paid him so much attention. James tried to catch the Slytherin’s eye and when he succeeded, Rosier hastily looked away and focused on Slughorn. Peculiar. James stowed that information away in his mind and turned round to look at Slughorn. It would not do to land himself in detention, because he was not paying attention in class.

When they filed out of the dungeon after the lesson, James skilfully placed a little note in Lily’s hand as he left. It told her to meet him in a certain corridor close by in five minutes. James told the other Marauders that he would join them again later and made his way to their meeting point. When she showed up a few minutes later, he pulled her behind an alcove which was hidden by an old and rather moth-eaten tapestry. He cast a quick silencing charm, before turning his attention to her.

‘You came,’ he said, unable to keep a grin from his face.

‘Of course I did, you asked me to,’ she said. ‘Why wouldn’t I come?’

‘I was not sure that you are interested in secret rendezvous with me yet,’ said James, unable to help himself.

Lily rolled her eyes.

‘If you have only asked me here to get smart with me than I am going to leave,’ she said.

‘Actually, I have asked you here to find out how you are,’ said James. ‘I did not see everything, but Avery and Mulciber were foul to you.’

‘It was nothing,’ said Lily. ‘It is hardly news that they are bastards.’

‘Nothing?’ said James, raising an eyebrow. ‘Lily you hexed both of them and were caught by a teacher. That hardly seems like nothing to me.’

‘Don’t tell me you would not have jinxed them,’ said Lily. ‘They deserved every hex I threw at them.’

‘Of course they did,’ said James. ‘I am just trying to make sure that you are alright.’

‘I am fine, James,’ she said. ‘I don’t need you to babysit me.’

‘I noticed,’ said James. ‘I was about to hex them myself, but I thought I should let you deal with it yourself first.’

‘I am grateful, you did,’ said Lily. ‘This is my fight, not yours. I am glad that you want to help me, but I cannot keep hiding behind your protection. You are a pure-blood, not a Muggle-born.’

‘I am on your side in this conflict, Lily,’ said James. ‘Don’t forget it.’

‘I know you are,’ said Lily. ‘But you don’t have to worry about me. I can deal with scum like Avery just fine on my own. I am, however, rather worried about Mary. She was very upset.’

‘What did they do to her?’ asked James.

‘Her mother died a month ago,’ said Lily quietly. ‘She had been sick for years and now finally passed away. Somehow Avery and his crew knew about it and told Mary that she would join her mother very soon as the Dark Lord was going to rise to power. Mary had been devastated by her mother’s loss and their crude comments picked at the wound.’

‘Bloody hell,’ said James. ‘These pricks! Is there anything I can do for Mary?’

‘I don’t think so,’ said Lily. ‘I mean, you two are friendly enough, but she did not even tell you about her mother yet, so it is probably not a good idea for you to say anything to her. I will keep a close eye on her, though. Mary is a sweet girl, but she is no fighter. Not like Marlene.’

‘Or you,’ said James.

Lily said nothing, though James thought she looked a bit pink in the face.

‘In the meantime, you should probably be careful,’ continued James. ‘Avery is not going to let this rest. You have humiliated him and he is going to seek revenge. You probably should not be wandering around on your own in the meantime.’

‘I am not the one wandering the school after ours, James,’ said Lily. ‘And I can take of myself. I don’t need anyone’s protection.’

‘Of course, you don’t,’ said James. ‘But I doubt your boyfriend would like it if you got attacked by some Slytherins. He is probably going to have words with you about today.’

‘Hardly,’ said Lily, rolling her eyes. ‘He probably will not even know about the trouble with the Slytherins and I certainly will not tell him.’

‘Why not?’ asked James. ‘I would want to know if I were your boyfriend.’

‘Well, you are not,’ she said briskly. She sighed when James gave her a hard stare. ‘Fine, Luke has not really understood how serious the conflict with the Slytherins is and how it is connected with Voldemort.’

‘What?’ asked James. ‘He is a Ravenclaw, isn’t he supposed to be smart? And he is a half-blood, so not exactly in the clear from a Death Eater point of view. He should know.’

‘He is very smart and studious, but that does not mean that he can read people very well,’ said Lily. ‘And from what he told me, his family is not like yours, James. He has never placed the game of power you grew up with. He believes that the trouble will just blow over and that the Ministry will take care of it all. I can’t rob him of that hope, can I?’

‘Alright, alright,’ said James. ‘Don’t tell him, but do me a favour and be careful. Things at Hogwarts are not as save as they used to be. For both of us.’

‘I will try, if it makes you feel better,’ said Lily.

‘It does, thank you,’ said James.

‘You’re welcome,’ said Lily. ‘I am going to check up on Alice before going to lunch. Are you coming with me?’

‘No, I am starving, I am going to see you later,’ said James.

‘Alright, James, bye.’

She walked away. James look after her for a while. He had a bad feeling in his stomach. Lily was being way to cavalier about her brush in with the Slytherins. He just hoped that she did not have to learn to take them seriously the hard way.

Two days later, James was climbing to the very top of the astronomy tower, because he wanted to smoke a cigarette. He had ditched Sirius, who usually insisted on accompanying him whenever he walked around the school outside of lessons. Clearly, Sirius was taking the promise to James’s father very serious. Sadly, it was driving James up the wall. He loved Sirius like the brother he never had, but he needed some time on his own from time to time. So, he had told Sirius to bugger off. Naturally, his best mate had protested heavily, but James had insisted. In the end, Sirius had let him go grudgingly, but told him that he would hex him himself if James found himself in any trouble. James was strangely tense. So far, the Slytherins had not bothered Lily since she had hexed Avery and their lack of action made James nervous. Neither Mulciber nor Avery were forgiving or patient, so their retaliation clearly was overdue. He knew that it was not his place to be overly worried over Lily, as he only was a friend rather than her boyfriend, but he could not help it. The other Marauders were of little help in that regard. Sirius was all for pre-emptively hexing the Slytherins to keep them from doing any harm. Naturally, that was out of the question. Remus had pointed out that they were not able to do anything if Lily did not want their protection and if the Slytherins were staying in line. Peter had agreed and told James that he needed to put it out of his mind. James knew that they were right, but he could not stop worrying anyhow. He could not talk with Amber about this either. She had other things to worry about and he doubted that she would be overly interested in Lily’s wellbeing. He had the distinct impression that she did not like her very much. The two had hardly ever spoken to each other, but James knew Amber well enough by now to read her facial expressions perfectly. There was a repressed dislike there which he could not properly explain. He suspected jealousy, as Amber knew how he felt about Lily, but that was a line of thought he was not overly comfortable exploring.

‘Well, well, well,’ said a voice to his right. ‘If it isn’t James Potter.’

Startles, James whirled around, grabbing his wand during the movement. He came face to face with Evan Rosier and immediately pointed his wand at him.

‘Jumpy, are we?’ said Rosier, raising an eyebrow. Evan Rosier was of medium height, with strawberry blonde, curly hair which framed his aristocratic face. His eyes were very dark, a stark contrast to his light complexion and hair. James was not exactly happy to see him. Rosier was more of a wildcard than Mulciber and Avery, but James knew that the Rosier family were very traditional and not fond of his family at all. Encountering some like him at this time of the night and all alone was not a good sign. James cursed his bad luck. If only he had not persuaded Sirius to let him go on his own, he would at least have him as backup.

‘Just prudent, Rosier,’ said James, lowering his wand slightly. ‘These are dangerous times, as you should know.’

‘Oh, I have noticed,’ said Rosier, smiling even wider. ‘But I prefer to see the opportunities in the current situation. Big changes will always be profitable for one knowing how to exploit them.’

‘Naturally,’ said James, trying to make sense out the current situation. Rosier hardly was the type to wax about the philosophy of change with whomever he randomly met on the Astronomy Tower. Something was going on here. ‘But I have a feeling that you did not come here to talk with me about the opportunities.’

‘What makes you think I came here to see you?’ asked Rosier. ‘I could merely be out for an evening stroll.’

‘I am not a fool, Rosier,’ said James. ‘I am up here multiple times a week to have a smoke and I have never encountered you before. Either you have suddenly discovered your love for the night time sky or, what I think is much more likely, you came here to find me on my own.’

‘Clever,’ said Rosier with a sneer. ‘You are right, Potter, I came here to talk to you, preferable on your own.’

‘Just to talk?’ asked James. ‘Not to jump me with some of your mates? I am pleasantly surprised.’

‘Just to talk,’ said Rosier. ‘You can put your wand away, Potter.’

James snorted. He lowered his wand so that the arm holding it was dangling loosely at his side, but he did not pocket it again.

‘I may be more trusting than you, Rosier, but I am not that naive,’ said James. ‘You wanted to talk, then talk. I am going to smoke my cigarette and then I am going to leave. I don’t mind listening to you while I smoke.’

James fished a cigarette out of his pocket with his left arm and put it into his mouth. It ignited immediately once he sucked on his and James blew a cloud of smoke into the nightly sky.

‘Fine’, said Rosier. ‘I am going to be quick about this. You have changed, Potter. You have not pranked us Slytherins this year and you are no longer the knight in shining armour for all the mudbloods out there.

You are on a good way and from what I have heard, your father is busy making the right connections as well. Keep it up and maybe we can forget your blood-traitor status. Despite all your faults, you have a pristine lineage and it would be a shame to spill such noble blood.’

‘Stop it, you’re making me blush,’ said James with a smirk. It did not surprise him that the best thing Rosier could find in him was his pure blood.

‘Quit your childish jabs,’ said Rosier, looking angry all of sudden. ‘I know that you are neither as childish nor as dumb as you like to portray yourself, Potter. You know what it is at stake here and I hope that you are smart enough to see an opportunity when it finds you.’

‘Oh, I see it clear enough,’ said James, taking a deep drag on his cigarette to buy some time. His mind was reeling. Apparently, his father’s plan was working. They had successfully confused at least some purists into thinking that they would be interested in joining the ongoing crusade for blood-purity. He would have to tread carefully now unless he wanted the whole plan to collapse. He did not want to appear too interested. Otherwise, they would just try to get him to join and he certainly did not want to become a Death Eater. But was he getting ahead of himself? After all, he was only talking to Rosier, who was seventeen like he was and not even out of school. James found it hard to believe that Rosier was a Death Eater already. Maybe he was just pulling James’s leg. ‘And who exactly are you representing? I am glad you agree of my choices, but I was not aware that you were involved in any kind of organisation, Rosier.’

‘I am pretty sure that you know who I am representing,’ said Rosier with a smile.

‘I am pretty sure that I know who you claim to be representing,’ said James with a matching smile. ‘But I find it hard to believe that they would let someone as young as you join their ranks.’

‘You are free to belief whatever you want, Potter,’ said Rosier, who was still smiling. ‘I was asked to deliver that message to you and I did just that. You are free to believe it or to dismiss it as you see fit. We will keep an eye on you and we will keep in touch. Enjoy your cigarette.’

He wheeled around and left the tower, leaving James behind with a half-smoked cigarette and a head full of thoughts.

Chapter 20

Chapter Text

‘He obviously is a rotten liar,’ said Sirius at breakfast on the next day. Rather than in the great hall, they were in the Hogwarts kitchen as James had wanted to talk without fear of getting overheard. Other than them, only the Hogwarts house elves were in the kitchen and they were far too busy with preparing food to pay their conversation any attention. Also, it was considered rude in house elf society to listen to human conversation. Hence, James had told his friends all about his nightly encounter with Rosier without having to whisper.

‘While I would not put it that crudely, I do agree with Sirius,’ said Remus. ‘It is hard to believe that someone as young as us could be a fully-fledged member of the Death Eaters. He was probably just messing with your head, James. Rosier is rather clever in a twisted sort of way. Maybe he just wants to rattle your cage a bit.’

‘That would be a very bold thing to lie about, though,’ said Peter ponderously. ‘I mean, what if the Death Eaters find out that he is pretending to be one of them? I doubt that they would react kindly to such bragging. And I doubt that the teachers will be pleased if they learned about Rosier being a Death Eater either. There is a lot if risk involved and very little reward. So, I think that Rosier is at least well-connected to the Death Eaters if not a member of already.’

‘Dragon dung,’ said Sirius, scowling. ‘Rosier is seventeen and not even out of school. Sure, he is big enough of a git to actually join these nutters, but why would a group of dark wizard terrorists accept someone so young? What could he possibly bring to the table? Every additional member is also a risk, don’t forget that! Someone as young as Rosier probably is not very careful and could endanger other members very easily.’

‘Exactly,’ said Peter. ‘This is why it may be a good move. Nobody would even consider that someone as young as Rosier could be a Death Eater. Hence, he runs little risk of being discovered and still can move around freely at Hogwarts. He could gather information about what Dumbledore is up to as well as recruit other students. And if you don’t tell him anything worthwhile, he is no risk at all. It is an easy move with no downsides at all for the Death Eaters.’

‘That’s a very good point, Peter,’ said Remus, obviously thinking hard. ‘When you phrase it like this, I think Rosier might have told the truth or at least alluded to it.’

Sirius made a disbelieving noise.

‘Why Rosier, though?’ asked James, before Peter could say anything to Sirius. ‘I mean, I get that he is from a traditional family and probably has quite a lot of prejudice, but he is much better than Avery or Mulciber. I have never caught him hexing or bullying any Muggleborn at all. Why should he bother to join the Death Eaters and what could he possibly have done so that they have accepted him?’

‘Maybe we just never caught him,’ said Sirius. ‘Rosier may be much smarter than Mulciber and Avery, but he still is a slimy snake. My mother is very fond of his father. According to her, he is everything a pure-blood should be. And if my hag of a mother likes someone, you can bet that he is scum. Maybe Rosier is just better at hiding his deeds.’

‘Maybe,’ agreed Remus. ‘But we are probably not going to pierce that mystery today. The much more important question is, what are you going to do about it, James?’

‘Nothing, I guess,’ said James.

‘What?’ said Sirius, sounding scandalized. ‘Prongs, you can’t be serious! You are just going to let this git get away with either being a Death Eater or claiming to be one? You have to tell the teachers about him! No wait, let’s just prank him until he can’t walk.’

‘Don’t be silly, Sirius,’ said Remus. ‘What exactly is James going to tell the teachers? Rosier has not openly admitted to being a Death Eater, he has just alluded to the fact. If James tells one of the teachers, Rosier is just going to deny everything and they will have to let him go.’

‘They should just check his arm for the Dark Mark,’ said Sirius. ‘Everyone knows that each Death Eater has a bloody mark. All he has to do, is to roll up his ruddy sleeve. I think that is not too much to ask in that situation.’

‘Rosier does not have to agree to have his arm checked,’ said Remus. ‘There is no rule in the school that demands that a student has to present his arm to a teacher. And even if he has the mark and someone found out, there is no school law against being part of a criminal organization outside of the school. They would have to proof that he violates school rules during his time here to expel him. Of course, they could hand him over to the Ministry, but they can’t act on their own.’

‘That’s our solution then,’ said Sirius. ‘We just tip off the Ministry that Rosier is a Death Eater and they are going to take care of him. They are desperate for information leading to more captured Death Eaters. They even introduced an anonymous post owl box, where you can drop any information without anyone knowing. We just have to write a letter and we will be able to get rid of this scum.’

‘We could,’ said James. ‘But I doubt that the Ministry is going to take it seriously. They are most likely going to think that Rosier is too young as well. Also, his father is a rather important member of the Department for International Magical Cooperation. They are going to be hesitant to investigate his son without hard proof. But what is even more important: As soon as we tip someone off, Rosier is going to know that I was the one giving the information. If he gets into trouble soon after telling me, he will know that I am not trustworthy. And this information is going to spread widely and quickly in the Death Eater circles.’

‘Well, what does that matter?’ asked Peter. ‘Everyone knows that you don’t agree with the Death Eaters. This would only tell them, what they already know.’

‘Think, Peter,’ said Sirius impatiently. ‘Mr. Potter is trying to steer the family on neutral grounds. If James walks around exposing Death Eaters, this is not going to work.’

‘Oh,’ said Peter. ‘Right, I had forgotten about that. Well, that solves the issue then, doesn’t it? You are not going to do anything.’

‘Looks like it,’ said James, gruffly. ‘Doesn’t feel right, though. I am going to keep an eye on Rosier from now on. He probably is more dangerous than I thought.’

‘And I am keeping an even closer eye on you,’ said Sirius. ‘I don’t like it that the Slytherins pay so much attention to you, Prongs. We know that the Death Eaters have plans for you and now Rosier seems to be their look out at Hogwarts. That’s not a good sign in my book.’

‘I am fine on my own, Sirius,’ said James. ‘But feel free to keep close if it makes you feel better.’

‘These are strange times,’ said Remus, shaking his head. ‘I never would have thought that we are going to keep quiet about a potential Death Eater rookie at Hogwarts.’

‘Strange times, require strange actions,’ said Peter wisely.

‘Amen to that,’ said James, emptying a glass of pumpkin juice which had been all that remained of his breakfast. ‘Come on, we have to go or we are going to be late for Defence.’

* * * * *

Amber giggled as she pushed him against the tiled wall of the showers in the Quidditch changing rooms. Compared to the hot water flowing over them, the wall was quite cold, but before James had the chance to complain, her mouth was on his and stifled any words he might have form. Grinning against her lips, he put his hands on her firm bum and pulled her even closer. He was in a great mood: They had just won the Quidditch cup in their last match of the season against Slytherin. Thanks to their dedicated training and James’s brilliant form they had demolished Slytherin today and won with a margin of more than two hundred points. The rest of the team were already up in Gryffindor tower, celebrating their victory. James had lingered behind, both because some over exuberant Gryffindors had insisted on carrying him on their shoulders around the stadium and because he had wanted to put everything in order before getting smashed at the party. Amber had decided to put his lingering to good use and had quickly joined him under the showers. Fortunately, they were all alone and had all the time in the world to celebrate on their own.

‘That was some impressive flying today,’ she whispered in his ear as she nibbled on his neck. ‘I think you are growing better and better each day.’

‘Thanks,’ said James, inhaling sharply as her small hand travelled further down and gave him a slow stroke. ‘I thought you would be upset about Ravenclaw’s poor performance this season, though.’

‘I am,’ said Amber, ‘but we lost each game fair and square, so there is nothing to be angry about. Besides, how can I be disappointed if I have you to take my mind of things?’

‘How indeed?’ asked James with a smirk and kissed her again. He was glad she was here. Their time was running out; only a few more weeks until school ended and they would have to part ways forever. He was determined to make the most out of it. A part of him suspected that he should try to slowly increase the distance between them, so ending things with her would be less painful, but instead he was delving in deeper than ever. It was foolish and greedy, but he did not care at all. Amber was a great girl and he wanted to enjoy her while he still had her. They lost themselves in each other. At one point during their celebration, James thought he had heard a low moan which had come from neither of them. He broke his kiss with Amber and glanced up, but could not make out any details without his glasses in the rather dark room. However, for a brief moment, he spotted something red which quickly disappeared out of the doorway leading to the showers. James knew that particular shade of red very well. After all, he had spent a lot of time staring at it during lessons. Rather than embarrassing him, the thought of Lily Evans sneaking a peak at him only excited him further. Before he could ponder this thought any longer, Amber pulled him back into a kiss and wiped Lily Evans from his mind again.

When they were done, they showered properly and put on fresh clothing. They wanted to head to the party after all and while most people could guess that they had been shagging, they did not have to advertise it. James briefly considered asking Amber whether she had noticed Lily as well, but decided against it. Like him, Amber was clinging more tightly the nearer the end of the school year got. James had caught her starting rather darkly at Lily whenever the redhead had a longer conversation with James. Her budding jealousy rather amused James, as Amber was normally very relaxed, but he had refrained from commenting on it. He doubted that Amber would appreciate getting called out like that. He wondered what Lily had been doing here. What reason could she possible have had to enter the changing rooms? Had she been looking for him? That was possible, but rather unlikely. They were friends, but did not spend a lot of time together. Maybe she had wanted to congratulate him on the match, but she could have easily done so at the party. There must have been some other reason. He doubted that she was into watching other people shag. Sirius found it amusing to dramatically break up couples during the act, but that certainly was not Lily’s style. What had she thought about Amber’s and his little display? She probably had not seen much. Amber’s rather pretty backside must have blocked most of his body from view. Not that James would have minded Lily seeing more of him overly much. While he sometimes felt self-conscious when he compared himself to Sirius - his rather lanky build simply did not compare well to the stockier, athletic one of his best mate - most of the time he was more than fine with how he looked. For a moment he allowed himself to indulge a fantasy where Lily had not run away, but rather joined Amber and himself under the hot water. He could feel his desire rise at the thought and was rather glad that was dressed already. Then, he pushed the thought away. Lily was still out of reach and was not the kind of girl to cheat on her boyfriend or to have threesomes with another girl and a bloke. At least what was what he believed. Of course, it was entirely possible that Lily was doing all depraved things in the world with her git of a boyfriend - he felt sick in the stomach at the thought -, but if that was the case then she was very good at hiding it. No, he was pretty sure that Lily was rather innocent, probably a virgin. Nevertheless, he had to decide what to do about Lily’s peeking. Should he say something? It would be ridiculously easy to make up some cheap pick-up lines with that information. Sexual innuendo had served him well at various points in the past. But Lily did not strike him as the type. She probably would just be embarrassed and lash out at him for being a pervert. If she did not just deny everything. Also, it would probably make things very awkward very quickly. They were friends by now and while James was by no means satisfied with being just friends, he also did not want to push her away by making too many crude comments. No, it probably was not a good idea to talk to her about the incident at all. Instead, he was going to let the experience simmer in her mind for a while. Maybe something would grow out of it on its own. He was just going to pay closer attention to her in the future and look for any changes in her behaviour. Yes, that was the way to go.

Amber interrupted his Lily Evan’s filled thoughts, by kissing him softly on the lips, before pulling him to his feet. James suddenly remembered that they still had a party to get to and they hurried out of the changing rooms and up to the castle.

* * * * *

On the very last day of his sixth year James was sitting on the soft grass on the Quidditch pitch. Tomorrow, he would travel back to London. It was nine o’clock and a warm summer night. James had snuck down here after having finished preparing his trunk to have some time to think. The year had been a hell of a ride, but all in all, he was rather content. He had probably done well in his exams, had won the Quidditch cup, had made some progress with the ever elusive Lily Evans and had spent wonderful hours with Amber. At the thought of her, his good mood turned rather bittersweet. They still had not broken up, but he knew that it was overdue. Maybe he should have already ended things with her, but he still lacked the courage. Well, he supposed that she was going to make the cut for him. At the latest during the train ride tomorrow. Despite knowing that it was the right thing to do, he was still dreading the moment. He was afraid of how much it was going to hurt. Sirius had tried poking at his feelings about Amber from time to time, but James had shut him out resolutely. He was not ready to talk about it yet. Still, he supposed that Sirius’s inquiries were better than Remus’s pitying looks. His werewolf friend had warned him after all not to get too involved with Amber and as usual James had not followed his advice. Fortunately, Remus was too good a friend to tell him ‘I-told-you so’. James did not think that he would be able to take such a comment without hexing its source. Sighing, he pulled a package of cigarettes out of his pockets and lit one. He would have preferred a spliff, but their supply had run out last weekend and they had not bothered to refill it for the last few days. James only smoked that stuff at Hogwarts as he did not dare bringing it back home. His parent’s would raise hell if they ever found it. As he blew some smoke in the still light sky, he noticed footsteps leading towards him. He frowned. The other Marauders knew that he was out here. Had they decided to join him after all? Or was Sirius just checking up on him? His best mate probably had an eye on the map anyway as he was still worried about Rosier. While James had been rather unsettled by that encounter as well, he had by now calmed down completely as neither Rosier nor any other Slytherin had approached him again. They had not even bothered Lily again. Sirius was sure that this was all part of an elaborate plan and that the Slytherins were only biding their time, but James found that hard to believe. By now, he was quite sure that Rosier had only been pulling his leg and that the Slytherin was not part of the Death Eaters at all. Still, it did not hurt to be prudent, so he turned his head to catch a look at whoever was coming his way and put a hand on his wand as well.

It was neither a fellow Marauder nor one of the Slytherins. Instead, Amber was slowly walking his way, looking very pretty in the evening twilight. James was not sure how he felt about her joining him. He doubted that they were going to have a pleasant conversation, but he also knew that talking to her was way overdue.

‘Hey,’ she said, when she had reached him. She nudged his legs apart and said down between them. Then, she slid down a bit, so that her head leaned against his chest and was tucked beneath his chin. Her soft hair tickled James a bit, but he did not complain. The position was eerily familiar. They had spent a lot of time snuggled together like this during the school year. His heart ached a bit at the thought. Nevertheless, he relaxed at her presence.

‘Hey, yourself,’ he said. ‘How did you know where to find me?’

‘Sirius told me,’ she said, without looking up at him. ‘He also said that he was going to miss me during the next year. Apparently, I am a quite a fit bird and quite a good girlfriend to you.’

‘That sounds like Sirius, all right,’ said James, only slightly annoyed at his best mate’s loose tongue. ‘He has always been very approving of our relationship. He likes you.’

‘I like him as well,’ said Amber. ‘He is quite fun to be around, is he not? But I could never date him: He is too much of a womanizer for anything serious. Alright for a night, but not great in the long run. Not a respectable boyfriend, like you.’

‘Oh, so I am respectable now?’ asked James with a grin, after having taken another drag from his cigarette. ‘Well, there goes my reputation as a heart breaker.’

Amber snorted.

‘Please, Jamie, you never were a heart breaker in your life,’ said Amber. ‘Sirius is the one shagging and ditching girls left and right, you are the slightly dangerous boyfriend excitable girls dream about. No one in their right mind would ever picture a relationship with Sirius Black, but you have just the right amount of rugged edges to make it fun.’

‘Very flattering,’ said James. ‘But enough about me. I think you are a fantastic girlfriend. Fawley is lucky to have you.’

She looked up at him and James could see sadness in her eyes all of a sudden.

‘I guess you know why I am here,’ she said quietly.

‘I guess I do,’ said James, who suddenly felt cold despite the warm air surrounding him. ‘This is the end, isn’t it?’

‘I am afraid, it is,’ said Amber. ‘We should not leave it until the very last moment. So we have some time to... collect ourselves before we get back to London.’

James was not sure how much good a few hours would do to cheer him up, but he understood were Amber was coming from. After all, she was supposed to get married in a week and was expected to be cheerful and upbeat about it. He did not envy her. At least he would be allowed to sulk for a bit, even if he would probably put on a brave face for his parents. He did not want them to snoop into this particular affair.

‘You are right, we probably should not,’ said James thickly. He felt his eyes prickling. Even though he had known that this moment was going to come, the intensity of what he was about to lose still hit him like a brick. He had been pulled in far too deep. But he was not going to cry about this, at least not in front of Amber.

‘I am sorry, it has to end like that,’ said Amber. ‘If things were different, I think we could have been a long-term thing.’

‘I think so too,’ said James. ‘And I am sorry that you have to get married to a men you don’t love. If there was something I could do to help, I would do it.’

‘You don’t have to help me, Jamie,’ said Amber. ‘While I don’t cheer at the thought of getting married to Peter, I have long ago made my peace with it. I am what I am and all the privileges of being pure-blood also have their price. You should know that by now as well.’

He hated how cool and collected she was. It was her ways of dealing with the arranged marriage, but it was so mechanical, so utterly pure-blood. He wished that she would rage and cry at the end of their relationship – he certainly felt like it –, but he knew that she would never do that. It just was not part of her personality. He could not fault her for being who she was and therefore decided not to push the issue. It would get him nowhere at all.

‘I do know that,’ said James after a moment, thinking back to the delicate balancing between loyalties his father was setting up and what it meant for him. He clearly remembered Rosier’s words as well as the ominous threat of the Death Eater at the St. Mungo’s fundraiser. ‘I just wish that things had been different.’

‘Don’t we all?’ asked Amber with a small smile.

‘I guess we do,’ said James pensively. ‘But despite all, I don’t regret a minute, I spent with you Amber.’

Her face broke in the first real smile he had seen on her face all evening. She closed the distance between them and pecked him chastely on the lips. Before James could use the chance to deepen the kiss, she pulled away again, leaving him feel rather disappointed and a bit hurt. He knew that things were over between them, but there was a difference between knowing something and experiencing it.

‘I don’t regret anything either,’ said Amber. ‘You are a great bloke, James, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.’

James did not know what to say about that. He took another drag of his cigarette as silence fell between them. There really was not anything left to say. Tomorrow, both their lives would go on and they would probably never see each other again. With time, everything they had had would fade into distant memory, only another small piece of the mosaic of experiences which made them what they were. James felt sick to the stomach at the thought.

‘I thought, you wanted to quit smoking these,’ said Amber, when James was done with his current smoke and immediately reached for another one.

‘You wanted me to stop,’ corrected James quietly, even thought that was not completely true. While Amber had pushed him regularly to kick the habit, he had sometimes wanted to quit himself.

Amber did not correct him. When silence stretched again, James continued.

‘I guess some old habits, die hard,’ he said.

‘They do indeed,’ said Amber with a rather knowing look on her face, which James did not understand.

They did not talk anymore after that point. James did not know how long they sat on the soft grass in silence. After some indefinite amount of time, Amber got up, kissed him goodbye and went back to the castle. James remained where he sat, his chest feeling like it was full of broken glass.

Chapter 21

Chapter Text

James scowled down at the Wizarding Nobility article in his lap and angrily flung the magazine away as though it had done him a grievous personal injury.

'Well, that was quick,' said Sirius who was lounging on a comfortable sofa next to him. 'How many lines did you manage? Ten?'

'Shut up, Sirius,' said James, 'and I have told you not to smoke in here. My mum is going to have a fit if she notices it.'

It was the end of the first week of the summer holidays. They were sitting in his living room in the Potter manor. Outside, a summer storm was howling, battering the ground with fat droplets of rain.

'Right, I forgot,' said Sirius. He hastily vanished the cigarette and walked over to the window.

'Don't open that,' said James. 'With the way the rain is lashing against it, we are going to get the room soaked within minutes.'

'I am way too clever for that, James,' said Sirius and tapped with window once with his wand. Suddenly James could smell the rainy air from outside and a gust of wind blew in the room, but the rain remained outside, still splattering against the glass.

'What did you do?' asked James, bewildered.

'Air passing charm,' said Sirius. 'I read about it back at school. It enables any object to let through air, without altering the rest of its structure. This way, the window lets in the air, but keeps blocking the rain.'

'Very clever,' said James. 'But you will undo it in a few minutes as soon as the smoke was blown away. Even though the rain remains outside, the wind is still strong and I don’t fancy having to clean up the room again.'

'Of course, I will,' said Sirius, rolling his eyes. 'You know, it is not my fault that your mother gave you that silly rag of a magazine. Has she always been reading that drivel?

'Yes,' said James. 'Regularly and intensely. She is very interested in what is going on in the other pure-blood families. I don't know why though. Maybe it is a woman thing.'

'But she does not know that you and Amber were a thing, does she?' said Sirius.

'Well, I certainly have not told her,' said James. 'But it is rather strange that she gives me the magazine, because of the article covering their wedding, isn't it? Maybe she suspects something.'

'She did not give you a reason?'

'No, she just said that I would find it interesting,' said James darkly.

'And was it?' asked Sirius.

'More like revolting,' said James. 'They are making such a big deal out of this wedding. I guess, I can see the appeal: Two high society pure-blood families joined in holy matrimony in these dark times. That certainly is something to distract the population. The fact that it is an arranged marriage adds to the appeal even more. But at least they could stick to the facts! Instead, they claim that Amber and Fawley have already fallen deeply in love with each other and are a perfect match. These bloody fools! She does not love him, just because she is putting on a brave face!'

'Ah, here we go,' said Sirius. 'Listen mate, you have to let her go. It is over between you two, like you knew it would be. She has to move on with her life and you should as well.'

'Yes, yes, I knew that this was going to happen,' said James impatiently. 'But that does not change the fact that she apparently got over me with no problem at all. It is like she never cared for me in the first place!'

'James,' said Sirius, gently. 'I know that you are hurt, but you have to be reasonable. You haven't even spoken to her. All you have is a bloody article in a rag of a magazine. What is she supposed to say to a bloody reporter? Should she publically admit that she does not care for her future husband and would rather be with her dashing Hogwarts boyfriend? That would be foolish beyond belief! Maybe she is crying herself to sleep ever night thinking of you. You should not condemn her just because of this stupid article. You just said that she is only putting on a brave face.'

'Who are you and what have you done with Sirius Black?' asked James, bewildered at his friend's suddenly sensitive comment.

'Ha, ha,' said Sirius. 'I am quite experienced in matters of the heart, as you should know. And according to my family, I am no longer a Black.'

'Right,' said James. 'You still carry the name, though. I am sorry that things went that badly with your family. I never would have thought that they would react that harshly to you moving out.'

'I think, they just realized what it really meant,' said Sirius. 'I had planned to move out as soon as I got off age for a very long time. I was done with them long ago and the struggle for Alphard's money did not help. I am just glad that is over and that we were able to make a clean cut.'

'It is probably for the best,' said James. 'Now you are free to spend time with your real family. You are practically my brother anyway and my parents are thrilled to have you here permanently.'

'I still think I should have gotten myself a flat,' said Sirius. 'I have the money now and that way I would not bother anyone.'

'You don't bother us, you git,' said James. 'And what on earth would you do with a flat anyway? You still have another year at Hogwarts. Why would you rent a flat if you never going to be there?'

'It's not about actually living there,' said Sirius, 'It is about having it in the first place. You know, having freedom, being a proper grown up.'

'I see where you a going, but it is a rubbish idea anyway,' said James. 'This manor is way too big for my parents and me, so you are more than welcome to live here. You even have your own wing for Merlin's sake!'

'I know, Prongs, which is why I am here, am I not?' said Sirius, rolling his eyes. 'I am just saying that I would like to get my own place when I am done with school. That way, I can do whatever I want.'

'You are probably going to come here every day to get some proper food if you ever manage to get that flat,' said James with a grin. 'Everybody knows that you could not cook even if your life depended on it.'

'I have other talents,' said Sirius haughtily.

'Like what?'

'Like pleasing the female part of the population,' said Sirius.

James laughed.

'Yeah, you are certainly good at that, but terrible at keeping them,' said James. 'Just ask Marlene what rumours are circulating about you. Apparently, some witches are convinced that you are a shirt-lifter, because you only shagged them once in a dark broom cupboard before dropping them like a flubberworm.'

Sirius snorted.

'Well, some ladies can't take no for an answer,' he said. 'I don't get what they are so upset about anyway. Everybody knows that I am not boyfriend material and only interested in short flings. Should I pin a warning label on my robes to make it even more obvious?'

'That would probably help,' said James. 'I can picture the label right now: "Danger: This wizard is a man-whor* and will break your heart if you expect more than one to three shags".'

'That would do the trick,' said Sirius. 'But we are getting side-tracked here: We were talking about the new Mrs. Fawley: You have to address this issue soon, Prongs, before the wound festers.'

'How very poetic,' said James, rolling his eyes. 'And what exactly are you suggesting?'

'Using my proven heart-mending method, of course,' said Sirius.

'When has your heart ever needed mending?' asked James. 'You are usually the one causing the pain, rather than the one enduring it,'

'Pish, posh,' said Sirius. 'You are supposed to get royally smashed on firewhiskey, and find another girl to shag. I assure you that afterwards the world will look much brighter. You must not get stuck on Amber. She was a fit bird and I liked her, but she is gone now and you will have to move on.'

'I highly doubt that an empty shag will make me feel any better,' said James. 'And besides, we are not at Hogwarts. Where am I supposed to find a nice witch to fool around with?'

'I does not have to be a witch,' said Sirius. 'If you go down to the village, you will probably find a nice Muggle girl or two to warm your bed. You are James Potter, after all. Turn on the charm and make them swoon! And if you can't do it on your own, I can help you. I will just get us a nice double date and everything will be fine.'

'Sirius, I live here!' said James. 'I can't go around and shag the Muggle girls in my village! Besides, no respectable girl is going to jump into bed with me just for the holidays.'

'Rubbish,' said Sirius. 'Girls have holiday flings all the time. I would know, I have been the one they fool around with quite often. But alright, if you want something more permanent, just go and write Evans an owl. I am sure that she will glad to take your mind of Amber.'

'What are you talking about?' said James. 'Lily and I are friends, but nothing more. Besides, she has a boyfriend.'

'Not anymore,' sang Sirius. 'The coast is all clear for you, Prongs. I am sure that she will welcome your company over the summer. Maybe you should just pop in for a visit. You know where she lives after all.'

'Lily and Palmer have broken up?' asked James, astonished. 'How on earth do you know that?'

'Marlene told me,' said Sirius simply.

'Did she now?' asked James, astonished. Marlene tended to keep her distance from Sirius, as they did not get along. Sirius's co*cky personality and tendency to chase everything in a skirt really rubbed her the wrong way. However, Sirius was not discouraged from her rather cold behaviour and only flirted harder with her which naturally did not improve things. James had never been able to figure out whether Sirius only flirted with Marlene to annoy her or because he truly was interested. James himself was rather annoyed by his best mate's interest in one of his oldest friends, as he had never gotten used to Marlene dating anyone. She was like a sister to him after all. It was more than unusual for Marlene to divulge any information to Sirius and not to him. Therefore, James was determined to find out what exactly was going on here. I saw Lily holding hands with Palmer on the train. So they must have been still together at that point in time. When exactly did Marlene tell you this?'

'Oh, you now, recently,' said Sirius loftily.

James narrowed his eyes at his friend's evasive answer.

'Spill, Padfoot,' said James. 'I know that she cannot have told you on the train, because Lily and Palmer still were a couple back then. And I also know that Marlene currently is on vacation in France as she has been since the day after we returned from Hogwarts. If she told you anything it must have been via letter and I find it very curious that she would write you if I have yet to get a letter from her.'

'Alright, alright,' said Sirius, raising his hands in surrender. 'Yes, she wrote me a letter and yes it said that Evans and Palmer had broken up. You shouldn't be angry with her that you have not yet gotten a letter. She is just very busy in France.'

'Thanks for telling me what I already strongly suspected,' said James, rolling his eyes. 'Now, would you mind telling me why Marlene would use her precious time to write you of all people? She does not even like you after all.'

'Why do you consider it strange that I get a letter?' said Sirius. 'Am I not likeable enough to be someone's pen pal?'

'Marlene has never been interested in keeping a pen pal and she is not very fond of you,' said James simply. 'So don't give me that rubbish. What have you done that she writes you a letter? And if you give me another evasive answer, I swear that I will hex you.'

'Alright, alright,' said Sirius, raising his hands in defeat. 'Blimey, relax will you. Why do you make such a big deal out of this anyway? I thought that you would be so happy about Evans being single again that you would not even care who told me.'

'I am still waiting for that explanation,' said James, pulling his wand from his pocket. He put it next to him on the couch, so that he could snap to action quickly.

'Oh what the hell, you are going to hex me anyway,' said Sirius. 'Marlene and I are kind of dating.'

So say that James was surprised was a gross understatement. He never would have thought that Marlene could ever grow to like Sirius at all. Fancying him seemed even more impossible.

'Explain,' he growled at Sirius. His surprise slowly ebbed away, but anger threatened to replace it. He did not like the fact that someone as flirty as Sirius was doing unspeakable things with his almost sister. In fact, nothing about Sirius dating Marlene pleased him at all. It was a recipe for disaster and he did not look forward to getting caught in the inevitable crossfire.

'It was the weirdest thing,' said Sirius. 'I stumbled into her at the lake on evening. I was out for a smoke and a late time walk over the grounds and found her there looking over the water. That was about two weeks since she broke up with her git of a boyfriend. She seemed rather sad and at first I wanted to just leave her alone, but she noticed me and asked me to come sit with her for a while. I complied and we got talking and suddenly she grabs me by the collar and just snogs me! Well, I am not one to leave out a good snogging session, so I kissed her back and things got rather steamy very quickly. I assume that you don't want to hear the details.'

'Certainly not,' said James. Inside his head, he was calling Marlene every rude name he knew. She should know better than to seek a rebound relationship with Sirius of all people! Especially, because she had been the one ending her relationship with Davies. What did she need a rebound in the first place? After all, they were normally used to mend a broken ego and Marlene's should be quite unharmed. Why did she choose the arms of a known lothario like Sirius when she had just come out of a serious relationship with, as much as James loathed to admit it, a rather decent bloke? It did not make sense. But he probably would have to talk with her about it. Sirius probably had not gathered any deeper insights into Marlene's mind. He tended to focus on the physical aspects of a relationship after all. 'So, where does that leave the two of you know? Are you a couple?'

'I don't really know,' said Sirius, who was still eying James rather nervously. He probably still expected to get hexed rather soon. 'We have not bothered to put a label on it, but I am not looking for a proper relationship and I doubt that Marlene is either. At least not from the way she was acting back at school. I was rather surprised to get a letter from her to be honest. When we were back at school, we would occasionally meet up for some fun but otherwise stay out of each other's hair.'

'So, just the way you like it,' said James. 'This probably explains why I never noticed that something was going on. Bloody hell! Looks like Marlene jumped from a respectable and serious boyfriend to the biggest player in the school and is satisfied with keeping things casual. Bloody brilliant!'

'You know, that is rather hurtful,' said Sirius. 'I am obviously a much better guy than Davies. I thought you hated that git, anyway.'

'I did,' said James, 'but I would rather see Marlene in a relationship which is not doomed from the start.'

'I have told you already, it is not a relationship,' said Sirius. 'And why on earth do you think that whatever Marlene and I share is doomed from the start anyway? I am an expert on handling witches, thank you very much!'

'Yes, you are,' said James, rolling his eyes. 'Up to the third time you shag or until the first month has passed, whatever comes sooner. Then she starts to cling and you search for an exit, doing as much damage to her ego as necessary to make sure that she does not bother you in the future. And don’t try to deny it, you just said so yourself. That does not seem like a very great outlook if you ask me.'

'Well, I don't,' said Sirius, matter-of-factly. 'You don't have to worry your pretty little head about this, Prongs. Marlene and I are both old enough to make our own decision.'

'Don't push me, Sirius,' said James. 'I have managed to keep from hexing you until now, but you are on very treacherous ground. Out of all the girls in the bloody castle, you just had to choose Marlene, hadn't you? You know that I would not approve and yet you did it anyway. So, don't give me that rubbish about Marlene and you being adults. It is not about that it is about you and me and that you were supposed to stay away from Marlene in the first place!'

'Look, Prongs, she kissed me,' said Sirius. 'I never would have thought that she would ever give me the time of day, but she did. I know that I probably should have backed away and told her that things would never work between us, but I wanted her too much to do it. I was fine with staying away from her as long as I thought that she would never like me back. All my flirting was only to annoy both you and her at the same time. But now, I cannot stay away anymore. She likes me, Prongs and I like her back and I really, really want to see where whatever we have leads us. I know that she is almost your sister and that you don't approve, but I am too weak to stay away from her know. I am sorry, I should be a better friend and stay the hell away from her, but I just can't. I guess you know that feeling.'

James was quiet for a moment. Sirius's words did ring a bell. They reminded him of his time with Amber and how he had remained with her even though he should have walked away as soon as he learned about her arranged marriage. That did not mean that he was fine with Sirius fooling around with Marlene, but at least he could understand the feeling. He was still going to have a word with Marlene about her choice in boyfriends.

'I guess, I do,' said James. 'You are still a prat though.'

'I know I am,' said Sirius.

'Well, I am going for a run, I need some time to think,' said James. He stood up from the couch and started rummaging around a cupboard for his slacks and a ratty t-shirt.

'It is still raining,' protested Sirius.

'So?' asked James. 'Nothing a little impervious charm won't fix.'

'You are complete and utterly mad,' said Sirius, while James changed hurriedly.

'Don't I know it,' said James, as he left the room after pulling on his shoes. Some time for himself was just what he needed right now.

Chapter 22

Chapter Text

‘I still can’t believe that they made you of all people head boy,’ said Remus, as he moved his knight. ‘And... check.’

James scowled down at the chessboard between them. They were four weeks into the summer holidays. Remus had come over to visit James and Sirius. His werewolf friend still looked rather pale and peaky from the recent full moon, but he was in a particularly good mood tonight. It was about an hour after dinner. As James wrecked his brain to come up with a move to get him out of his currently rather bleak situation, Remus spoke again.

‘I haven’t seen Sirius since dinner. Do you know what he is up to?’

‘He is meeting Marlene for drinks,’ said James with a grimace, before moving his queen to stop Remus’s assault.

‘They are still not-dating then?’ asked Remus.

‘They sure are,’ said James darkly. ‘You know, I actually asked Marlene why on earth she had started to date Sirius. Do you know what insane reason she gave me?’

‘His good looks?’ asked Remus. ‘No, it was his rebellious attitude, wasn’t it? That usually is what the girls see in him.’

‘No, to both of these,’ said James. ‘You remember that Davies proposed to her, right? And that she said no?’

‘I do,’ said Remus. ‘I know that you don’t like Davies, but I can’t help but feel sorry for him. From what I have heard he was crushed when she refused. I don’t understand Marlene, Davies was a decent bloke. I like Sirius, but he is anything but decent.’

‘Yeah, well,’ said James. ‘The point is that Marlene chose Sirius, because she thinks that he is never going to propose to her. She is absolutely mental! She felt overwhelmed when Davies asked her, so she jumps to the most notorious heartbreaker at Hogwarts to avoid getting cornered like this again.’

‘Oh dear,’ said Remus. ‘Well, it makes sense on a certain level, but I can’t say that I like the idea. I mean Marlene does not even like Sirius! It seems like a terrible idea to use him of all people to get over Davies.’

‘I know,’ said James. ‘But what’s even weirder is the fact that the two of them are still doing their non-dating. It has been more than two months since Marlene broke things off with Davies and more than a month since she started fooling around with Sirius. Normally, his flings crash and burn within two weeks, but they still seem to be going.’

‘It makes you wonder, how temporary they really are,’ said Remus. He frowned before making his next move. ‘Checkmate.’

‘What?’ asked James, staring down at the board in shock. Realizing that his friend was right, he cursed loudly. ‘Bloody hell that is the third time in a row that you have beaten me. How on earth do you do that?’

‘I am thinking ahead,’ said Remus rather smugly. ‘Honestly, James if you would concentrate properly on the board rather than being so distracted all the time, you would probably do a much better job.’

‘I have got a lot on my mind,’ said James.

‘Like what?’ asked Remus. ‘Marlene and Sirius? James, you have got to realize that there is nothing at all you can do about them seeing each other. While I agree that it probably is a terrible idea, you are not going to achieve anything arguing with them about it. I don’t know Marlene that well, but I know that Sirius is bound to do whatever you want him not to do.’

‘I know, I know,’ said James. ‘And I try to be supportive and accepting, but it just rubs me the wrong way. There are dozens of other girls in Hogwarts which Sirius could shag, why does it have to be Marlene?’

‘I would like to say something sappy about true love knowing no bounds, but you know that I don’t believe in love,’ said Remus casually. ‘Personally, I am convinced that Sirius just fancies Marlene for her good looks and because she is a forbidden fruit. And Marlene is just wanting to use him to proof to herself how very independent she is. So, in the end they are just both using each other.’

‘Wow, I always forget how very cynical you are, Moony,’ said James. ‘That is a bit grim, don’t you think?’

‘No, I think it is accurate,’ said Remus. ‘And you would share my opinion if you were like me.’

‘Maybe,’ said James. ‘But I still think that you are being overly pessimistic here. There are some wonderful girls out there. And one day, you will find the one who will accept you who you are and you will see that I was right all along.’

‘You are a romantic, James,’ said Remus. ‘You know if you ever manage to snag Lily, you should probably tone down your expectations a bit. Maybe she is not that wonderful a person as you think. And I would be very hesitant to tell her any of your secrets. Or mine, for that matter.’

‘Moony, I would never betray your secret like that,’ said James, aghast at the accusation. ‘I can’t believe that you think I would give away all my secrets, just because Lily asked me to.’

‘Can’t you?’ said Remus, looking very serious and much older than he was at the moment. For a moment he reminded James of his father who adopted the same grave manner whenever something of importance was discussed. ‘I have learned over the past few years that there is very little you would not do for Lily. I would like to believe that our friendship is stronger than whatever infatuation you have, but I had too many doubts not to say anything.’

‘Merlin’s beard, Remus,’ said James, running a head through his hair in agitation. ‘I know that I have done a lot of stupid things because of Evans in the past. And yes, if I ever get her to go out with me, I will probably be too happy to pay much attention to secrecy. But I would never betray you nor will I tell Lily that I am an animagus without need or without taking precautions. I may be a romantic and too bold for my own good, but I am not stupid.’

‘Intelligence has nothing to do with this,’ said Remus. ‘Just look at Sirius. He is very smart and still he never hesitated in betraying all of us. But I am glad to see that you are on the right track. Throwing everything away for a piece of skirt would be foolish.’

James felt his temper rise at the disdain in Remus’s voice. He would have thought that Sirius would be the one arguing against him potentially dating Lily, but apparently Remus was the much bigger obstacle. James could understand that his werewolf friend was worried about keeping his secret and that this fear had been heightened by Sirius’s recent betrayal. Nevertheless, he was not at all pleased about being interrogated like that nor was he pleased about the derogatory comments aimed at Lily. Remus’s self-pitying refusal to date any witches must have left him more bitter than James had thought. He seemed to be developing a general distaste for all things romantic. Not a good development at seventeen.

‘Watch it,’ growled James. ‘I know that you are still not over what happened with Snape, but you are in dangerous territory. I don’t like what you’re implying at all, Remus.’

James glared at his friend and for a while Remus just glared back. Then, he let out a gust of air and dropped his eyes.

‘I am sorry, James,’ said Remus. ‘I am still feeling the effects of the full moon. I know that you would never betray me.’

‘It’s fine,’ said James, even though he was not sure that it was. Remus might be more cranky and bad tempered than usual, but James was very sure that Remus did not completely trust him to keep their secrets with Lily. That lack of trust was a bitter feeling, but James could not deny that it had a grain of truth in it. After all, he had demonstrated often in the past that he would do almost anything for Lily. But surely Remus had to know that his friendship to the other Marauders would always be more important than any girl in the world? James decided not to push the issue. He was not dating Lily, nor was he sure that he ever would. There was no reason to prolong that uncomfortable conversation.

‘I think, I should go,’ said Remus. ‘It is rather late and I need to rest.’

‘Sounds like a good idea,’ said James. ‘Come on, I will show you out.’

‘No, it is fine, I can find the way by myself,’ said Remus and hastily rose from the table.

‘Are you sure?’ asked James. ‘I don’t mind.’

‘I am sure,’ said Remus. ‘I will see you around James. Have a good night.’

He wheeled around and left the room hurriedly. James sighed deeply. That was Remus to the core. Normally, his bookish friend tried to avoid all confrontations. If he ever had to argue about something, he would be fierce in one moment and then lose his courage and flee the next. James felt a wave of pity for his friend run through him. He wondered how different Remus would be if he had never been bitten. The intense self-loathing of his werewolf friend needed to be managed every day and it could be quite exhausting at time. Without Sirius, Peter and him to take care of him, Remus probably would be miserable at Hogwarts. James clearly remembered how carefully Remus had kept his distance during their first year at Hogwarts. Always on the lookout for anything which might give away his well-kept secret. James could not imagine living like that. Being on edge all the time, must take its toll. He put away the chessboard and wondered what he should do next. It was still too early to go to bed and he probably would not be able to fall asleep anyway after that loaded conversation. He needed a smoke and preferably a firewhiskey to go with it. James pondered slipping outside for a smoke, but the rain spattering against the window discouraged him. The summer had been extraordinary rainy so far and James was itching for some sun and heat. Well, he would just have to smoke in the house then. He made his way over to the salon, the only room in the house were his mother tolerated smoking. When James entered the room, he spotted his father who was sitting in his favourite armchair. Judging by the traveling cloak lying on the table next to him and his still windswept hair, his father had just arrived back in the manor. James furrowed his brows. He had not even known that his father had been out.

‘Ah, James,’ said his father. ‘I thought you were busy with Remus.’

‘He left already,’ said James. ‘He is still feeling under the weather. The full moon was the day before yesterday.’

‘Of course,’ said his father distractedly. He pulled out his wand and gave it a sharp flick. A bottle of firewhiskey as well as a box of cigars zoomed out of their respective cupboards and landed neatly on the small table next to his seat. ‘Do you want a drink as well? I would offer you a cigar, but I know that you don’t care for them.’

‘I will take a drink,’ said James. ‘Were have you been?’

‘Out on family business,’ said Richard Potter. He summoned two glasses and poured both James and him a healthy amount of the amber liquid. ‘And now I definitely need that drink. Here, take your glass.’

James picked it up. He started to feel rather troubled by his father’s attitude. Richard Potter rarely drank and usually was very calm and collected. Tonight, he seemed agitated and not at all in control. That was definitely a bad sign.

‘Did something happen?’ asked James. ‘Is someone dead?’

‘No, it is not that bad,’ said his father. ‘But let’s have our toast first. To the great future of our noble house.’

He drained his whiskey with a single gulp. James drank as well, but preferred to sip it instead. He had a feeling that he would need his wits about him. His father refilled his glass immediately and raised the glass to his mouth again, before reconsidering. He put it back down and just stared at it for a moment. Then, he picked up his wand again, vanished the whiskey in the glass and made the bottle zoom back to its place in the cupboard. He seemed more collected than a moment before but still rather rattled. Sighing, his father grabbed one of the cigars and lit it with his wand. James waited until the cigar burned properly before speaking.

‘Dad, what’s going on?’ he asked. ‘I am starting to get seriously worried.’

‘I may have overplayed my cards,’ said his father with a grimace. ‘I have been rather busy during the last few months. You know my plans and I have continued them as planned. To get us out of the crossfire, I have intensified my contacts with the more traditional families. You know, meeting the right people, dropping a few well-crafted comments, claiming to support the right law changes, the usual deal. Well, I may have been overly successful. A few days ago, I received an invitation of Walden Macnair himself.’

‘Macnair?’ said James. ‘But he is one of the worst Muggle haters out there! He probably was only trying to lure you into a trap! Don’t tell that you went to meet him.’

‘Don’t think the thought had not occurred to me,’ said Richard Potter. ‘I am quite sure that Macnair is a Death Eater and even if he is not, he still is a very unpleasant person to have dinner with. But in the end my curiosity got the better of me and I agreed to meet him. Fortunately, we agreed to have dinner at the Silver Snake in Manchester. You know that fancy but rather grim restaurant all the traditional pure-bloods like so much. It is neutral ground and very tightly secured. So, I figured that I was in no immediate danger there. If Macnair had asked me to visit his manor, I naturally would have refused. Your mother strongly argued against me going, but as so often, I have ignored her well-meant advice.’

James grinned at that. His father’s stubbornness had driven his mother up the wall countless times. It did not help that James had inherited that part of his father’s personality as well.

‘And did Macnair show up?’ asked James.

‘Oh yes, he did,’ said his father. ‘He seemed surprised that I had showed up to be honest. Well, anyway, we made the usual meaningless small talk for most of the meal before things got interesting. Macnair said that my efforts to bring the family back into the fold of the traditional pure-bloods has been noted. He praised our noble blood and that it was about time that we forgot out Muggle-loving past ways.’

‘Seems like your plans are working then,’ said James. ‘Naturally, a git like Macnair will demonize our past ways. I would not have expected anything else.’

‘Neither was I,’ said his father. He took another puff on his cigar, before continuing. ‘Well, I painted myself as an enlightened believer in blood-purity for Macnair, but I am not sure whether he really believed me. He said that it was time I started playing a more active role. When I asked him what exactly he had in mind, he dared to suggest that I should donate some money for the advancement of the cause.’

‘What cause?’

‘That was what I asked him as well. He just smiled enigmatically and said that surely I knew what he was talking about. That swarmy git! Macnair may be a violent thug, but he certainly is not dumb. He knew that he could not admit to being a Death Eater in public, but he knew that dropping a few suggestions would be enough. Well, anyway, I said that I was not overly interested in funding any cause which put my son in the hospital and injured my wife and myself. That wiped that smug smile off his face, I can tell you.’

‘I don’t like where this is going at all,’ said James. ‘It is one thing to pretend to be in league with the Death Eaters, but another one thing entirely to fund their sick crusade! Giving them any money is actually a serious crime! You could go to Azkaban, dad!’

‘Don’t you think I know that?’ snapped his father. ‘I am not fool, James! Of course, I will not give these murderers any money! They have killed friends of me for Merlin’s sake! Anyway, Macnair was quick to assure me that no member of my family would ever be hurt again, as long as we stayed true to the cause and supported whatever was necessary to achieve it. I told him that I needed more than his words to be sure that my family would be protected. And that I would not give a single knut to anyone unless I was sure to actually benefit from giving my money away.’

‘Wow,’ said James. ‘That was awfully bold, dad! What did Macnair say to that?’

‘Well, for a moment he just looked at me and let the silence linger for a moment. He was either trying to make me nervous or was still trying to figure me out. I just looked him straight into the eyes and waited. I knew that I could not back down now and that I must not show any weakness. After a minute or so, he said that he was disappointed in my lack of enthusiasm and that I was driving a hard bargain. I was not sure what to say to that, so I just stayed quiet. I think that was the right decision, because Macnair said that we had nothing more to talk about for today and that he would be in touch. He paid for his meal and hurried out of there.’

‘I see,’ said James thinking hard. ‘I am not sure yet what to make of this. But I don’t see why you are so wound up about this. It was going alright, wasn’t it?’

‘I am not sure it did,’ said his father. ‘Obviously restoring some kind of civilized contact to the traditional families worked much better than I would have expected. It seems that they are quite eager to welcome any lost sheep back into the herd. Not too much of a surprise, given how few of the old pure-blood families remain, but given our strong reputation as blood traitors, I would not have been surprised had I encountered more resistance. I mean, even the Weasleys have a better reputation then we do regarding keeping the blood line pure! I bet that they have just been so welcoming because we are a rich family. But I am getting side-tracked here. My strategy requires me to be more or less loyal to both sides in this conflict. As long as both consider our family allies, they will not harm us in any way. However, we must not get pulled too much into either side. As soon as anyone sees us as truly committed to their cause, demands for support are going to be placed on our family. They are going to ask for gold, for favours, even for us to help them fight! Naturally, that is exactly what we don’t want to happen. We need to toe the line, we need to be indecipherable!’

‘And you are worried that you have been to forward with Macnair?’ asked James. ‘I mean asking for money like that is a pretty bold move. He probably would not have dared to do it if he was unsure of our loyalties, because he would risk scaring us away.’

‘Yes, precisely,’ said his father, running a hand through his grey hair. ‘Though, now that I think about it, maybe he was unsure about our loyalty and wanted to see whether we are committed enough to give some money to Voldemort. Ah... it is frustrating to no belief! No matter how you look at it, you see possible mistakes everywhere! I even have to worry about our side as well. My increased contact with the purists has been noticed. The Shacklebolts have already commented on it and it is only a matter of time before others do as well. It would not do at all to be under suspicion by them or the Ministry. Maybe I should just give up and show our true colours. This whole strategy is become more and more costly every day. I never expected that we would have to disguise ourselves for so long anyway. I thought the Ministry was bound to catch Voldemort by now. It is all spiralling out of control.’

‘Have they made any progress regarding Voldemort at all?’ asked James. He was not sure what to else to say. He knew too little of his father’s political machinations to guide him in this situation. One the one hand, he was itching to fight the Death Eaters, on the other one, he was afraid of the possible consequences and not yet willing to give up his dream of becoming a professional Quidditch player. He could emphasize with his father’s position. His own life would be a lot easier as well if Voldemort got caught.

‘They have made a few arrests,’ said Richard Potter. ‘But from what Moody told me most of the subjects are innocent and even the ones who are Death Eaters are junior members. They are not getting any closer to the big fish as far as I can tell. Crouch is pushing harder and harder for changes in the legislation. He wants to allow the aurors to use unforgivable curses.’

James made a noise of protest.

‘I know, I know,’ said his father. ‘The curses are filthy and despicable magic. Allowing the aurors to use them is a sign of desperation and should not be an option in the first place. All of this is true, but I have lived long enough to know that morality is a luxury you cannot always afford.’

‘We would be not better than the Death Eaters if we started to fling Unforgivable Curses around,’ said James stoically. ‘You have to see that.’

‘Do I?’ asked his father. ‘Magic is just a tool to solve certain problems. The intent is equally important to what you are doing in the first place. Using an Avada Kedavra to save your family is not the same as murdering someone in cold blood.’

‘That’s true,’ admitted James. ‘Nevertheless, the curses are evil and we should not legitimize using dark magic! There is a reason these curses are illegal for anyone to use.’

‘Don’t get me wrong, James,’ said his father. ‘I hate dark magic as much as you do. It was Grindelwald’s dark magic which took away my brother after all. However, I am pragmatic enough to consider almost every option when necessary. And doing something is certainly necessary. The Ministry likes to pretend that everything is under control, but it is clear for anyone paying close attention that they are no closer to finding Voldemort then they had been years ago.’

‘What do we do if they don’t catch him?’ asked James. ‘As you have said, we will not be able to stay out of the fight for long.’

‘Well, then we will have to fight these murderers,’ said Richard Potter. ‘Either that or we will have to flee the country.’

‘I will never flee!’ said James fiercely. ‘I am not giving this scum free reign to terrorize this country! They are pure-bloods like we are, dad, and it is our responsibility to stop them.’

‘I thought that you would say that,’ said his father. ‘I am very proud of you James. I just hope that it will not come to this. These people are monsters and a decent boy like you would not last a minute against them. I have seen what fighting dark wizards does to people. Not many field aurors reach retiring age and the few who do have never been the same. It has been a very long time since I have been in the field, but my reflexes are still in place. I still check the wards every night before I go to bed. I still avoid sitting with my back turned to a door or a window, I still scan everyone in my vicinity for any shady movement and I still discretely check food for poison if I don’t trust its source. And I am a mild case, because I took a desk job rather quickly. Look at Moody if you want to see an extreme case. I like him, but he clearly is not right in the head.’

‘So, you are saying that I should not fight?’ asked James, incredulously.

‘No, I am saying that you should be aware of what you are getting yourself into,’ corrected his father. ‘This is not some grand adventure. It is a war and while I have never been at war myself, I knew a lot of people who fought in the war with Grindelwald. I have told you about my brother already. He was one of the many who never came back, but quite a few of his friends were as brave as he was and made it back alive. I knew them before they went to war and most of them were in bad shape afterwards. Two actually killed themselves a few years later. I know that sometimes we have to fight for our beliefs, but just because you are brave enough to consider going to war, you should not do so recklessly.’

‘Sometimes I wonder how you ever made it into Gryffindor,’ said James wryly. ‘I thought being reckless was the flipside of being bold.’

‘The two do go hand in hand,’ said his father with a smile. ‘The Sorting Hat did indeed consider putting me into Slytherin, but decided against it in the end. You remind me a lot of my father. He was Gryffindor to the core and I did not always agree with his decisions. Well, anyway I am going to head to bed. I need some time to think about today’s events. Have a good night, James.’

He stubbed out the cigar even though he had only smoked about a quarter of it, rose from his seat and left the room. James looked after him for a moment and then lit the cigarette he had wanted to smoke since he came here. When he retired to bed himself about an hour later, his mind was swimming with Death Eaters, Voldemort and Remus. He slept uneasily that night.

Chapter 23

Chapter Text

Exhausted, James flopped back into the soft grass and just lay there for a moment with his eyes closed. It was the very last day of august and summer had finally decided to make a proper appearance. It had been hot and cloudless for the last week and James had enjoyed it as much as he could. He had just finished his last holiday Quidditch training session and now would just enjoy the evening sun for a while before heading inside for dinner. Maybe he would take a dip in the pond before going back though. It was awfully hot today. Just the way he liked it.

‘I have never seen someone training that hard in the holidays,’ said Marlene’s voice behind him. ‘You know that you are complete and utterly mad, don’t you?’

‘Naturally,’ said James without opening his eyes. Even without seeing her, he could feel her sinking to the grass next to him. ‘I want to stay the best player at Hogwarts for another year after all. What are you doing out here?’

‘Do I need a reason to be out on a brilliant summer’s day?’ she asked.

‘You hate summer,’ pointed James out. ‘So, I would think so, yes.’

‘I don’t hate summer,’ said Marlene indignantly. ‘Just because you are mad and consider thirty degrees a perfectly acceptable temperature, does not mean that everybody with a sane mind hates summer.’

‘Keep telling yourself that,’ said James. ‘Anyway I thought you were doing unspeakable things with Sirius.’

‘I was assisting your mother with her brewing and Sirius was content to watch and get in the way. That is hardly unspeakable.’

‘Well, I suppose fooling around with each other is not a full time position,’ said James ponderously.

‘Quit being such a baby about this,’ said Marlene, obviously annoyed. ‘I know that you don’t approve of us, you don’t need to repeat it every bloody day.’

‘If you say so,’ said James loftily. ‘I can’t believe the holidays are over already. I barely got a week of proper summer before having to get back to bloody freezing Scotland.’

‘Are you looking forward to going back to school, Mr. head-boy?’

‘Not really,’ said James, his expression souring. ‘I am not looking forward to the job at all. Dumbledore obviously has finally cracked when he picked me for the position. I have been in close to a hundred detentions over the years and I have not even been a prefect. I don’t even know what exactly prefects do! How on earth am I supposed to be ordering them around?’

‘First of all, I am not sure that you actually do order them around,’ said Marlene and James could hear the amusem*nt in her voice. ‘You are going to do fine. Even though you can be a major prat at times, you are a good leader. You have done a great job as a Quidditch caption, have you not?’

‘Yes,’ said James. ‘But I am actually good at Quidditch. No, scratch that, I am brilliant at Quidditch. But I don’t know anything about being a prefect. I have broken almost every school rule during my stay here, after all! At least Remus is going to be there. Maybe he can give me a few pointers.’

‘And I am sure that Lily is not going to let you wreck everything either,’ said Marlene. ‘You have told her that you are head-boy, haven’t you? She will probably need some time to adept to the idea, so springing it on her probably is not a good idea.’

‘I have sent her a letter yesterday, she has not written back.’

‘She just probably does not know what so say,’ said Marlene. ‘And she is going to see you tomorrow anyway, so writing a letter seems rather pointless. She has been quite busy, you know. She has a summer job as assistant in a book store.’

‘Yeah, she mentioned it,’ said James. ‘From what she wrote, it even is a Muggle book store! I don’t get it. She is seventeen, she could have picked a number of places to work at in the Wizarding World! Why would she opt to spend her summer in the Muggle world where she can lean nothing worthwhile for her life as a witch?’

‘She hasn’t told me why she chose this position,’ said Marlene thoughtfully. ‘She probably wants to stay in touch with her Muggle upbringing. Also, it probably is not a great time to go summer job hunting in our world anyway. With all this tension, people would be hesitant to hire anybody, especially a Muggle-born witch.’

‘That’s true,’ said James. ‘Do you think she is alright with me becoming head-boy?

‘Why wouldn’t she be?’ asked Marlene. ‘You are friends now, are you not?’

‘Yes, but I have been a trouble maker for almost my whole stay at Hogwarts. And she hates rule breakers. She probably would have preferred Remus as Head Boy. He would take it much more serious than I. I just have a feeling that we are not going to work well together.’

‘I think you are being overly pessimistic about it,’ said Marlene. ‘You are going to take being head-boy seriously, aren’t you?’

‘Of course, I am going to take it seriously,’ said James. ‘Dumbledore may be insane to give the post to me, but I am not going to prove him wrong on purpose. No, as much as Sirius is going to take the mickey out of me, I am going to be as good a head-boy as I can be.’

‘And that is exactly why Lily will be happy with you as her head-boy,’ said Marlene matter-of-factly. ‘I can think of a lot of people she would be much less happy with. Snape for example or even Palmer. For what Lily told me, he was not overly happy with her breaking up with him.’

‘Really?’ asked James interestedly. He still had no idea why Lily had suddenly dropped her boyfriend. He finally opened his eyes and looked intently at Marlene. ‘Did she tell you why?’

‘I knew that you would be very interested in that information,’ said Marlene, looking smug. ‘Some things never change and your interest in Lily is one of them.’

‘Get to the point,’ said James, unwilling to discuss his relationship with Lily in more detail.

‘Wow, impatient much? Anyway, she did not give me any details. She just said that she realized during the end of the school year that she was not feeling any passion for Luke. She liked him well enough, but suddenly that was not enough for her anymore. So, after sticking around for another week or so, she decided to end things with him. He was livid and even accused her of cheating on him which naturally she didn’t. Well, things got downhill from there and now they are not speaking to each other.’

‘Well, good for Lily,’ said James. ‘Blimey, I knew that Palmer was a stick in the mud, but I never pictured him as the vindictive and jealous type. Anyway, it was quite obvious that the two of them would not last, wasn’t it? Lily needs someone more adventurous than a stuffy Ravenclaw.’

‘Of course you would say that,’ said Marlene, rolling his eyes. ‘Well, now that both of you are single, don’t hate each other and are going to spend a lot of time in each other’s company, maybe romance will finally bloom. That would certainly be something.’

‘Yeah, something that is never going to happen,’ said James automatically, even though he was thinking hard about what Marlene had said. Maybe she had a point. After all, at no point in the past had Lily and he been friends and single at the same time. Despite his rather recent breakup with Amber and his decision to keep his distance from Lily for a while, he still was interested in her. Maybe she had realized by now that he was not as horrible a person as she had believed in the past. Also, his dalliance with Amber might have gotten the point across that he was not going to wait around for Lily to notice him like a mistreated lapdog. James had to stifle a grin as he remembered Lily watching Amber and him in the shower a few months ago. If that had not gotten across how involved he had been with Amber then nothing would. Add the fact that they were going to have to work closely together in the future and you had indeed a rather promising situation. Nevertheless, he refused to get his hopes up. He had been disappointed too often in the past. He did not even know, how she felt about spending more time with him after all.

‘Pish, posh,’ said Marlene. ‘You are just being overly negative. Quit being pessimistic, it does not suit you at all.’

‘Why do you even care whether Lily and I are dating? You have never been overly fond of the idea in the past, so why did you change your mind all of sudden?’

‘Well, I have decided that maybe you are not as horrible a match as I have thought,’ said Marlene. ‘Also, Sirius has filled in a few blanks regarding your relationship with Amber, I can’t help but feel that you deserve something good to happen to you. From what Sirius has told me, it was quite rough for you.’

‘I think I have to give my best mate a rather firm kick when I next see him,’ said James, scowling. ‘He talks way too much.’

‘Oh, don’t be mad at him,’ said Marlene. ‘I had to wheedle it out of him as you were not going to talk to me about it. And he only did tell me, because I told him that I wanted to help.’

‘And how are you going to do that?’ asked James. ‘That relationship is over and there is nothing anyone can do about it.’

‘I know that, silly,’ said Marlene, rolling her eyes. ‘I just want to make sure that you get over Amber properly. Sirius is worried about you as well. He said that you have not tried any of his propositions to make you feel better.’

‘Has he also told you what exactly he did propose?’ asked James. ‘I am not going to shag some innocent Muggle girl just because I feel rather blue. That would not be fair to her.’

‘Rubbish,’ said Marlene. ‘Shagging a girl who wants you to shag her can hardly be unfair to her. So don’t come up with rubbish excuses to justify your behaviour. But I get it: You are not ready yet to move on. That’s fine. Just keep in mind that there are other girls out there who would be ecstatic to date you.’

‘I know,’ said James. ‘It just feels like I am stuck in this loop. I started dating Amber to get over Lily. Then I started to like her and decided to give it a go even though I knew that it would only be temporary. I never expected it to hurt as much as it does, but I feel like picking up another girl would just keep the loop going. What if I start to like her as well and things do sour again? Then, I will be back where I am now, just with more emotional scars. I think I just need some time on my own.’

‘Avoiding something good just because it could turn bad does not seem very brave to me,’ said Marlene sagely.

‘Yeah, yeah,’ said James. ‘But I find hard to picture you as an advocate of love when you broke up with your ex-boyfriend because he asked to marry you.’

‘Well, if he had truly understood me, he never would have asked,’ said Marlene curtly. ‘But let’s not argue over semantics. I just want you to know that both Sirius and I are there for you. If you ever come up with something we can do for you, then don’t hesitate to ask. We both want to see you happy.’

‘Thanks,’ said James, who was touched by their concern. ‘And when exactly did the two of you become a “we”? I thought you were strictly not-dating?’

‘It is not uncommon to say “we” when taking about a group of people which includes yourself,’ said Marlene haughtily. ‘And don’t worry about Sirius and me. We are still not-dating and perfectly fine with how things are. Oh, and I was supposed to tell you to come to dinner.’

‘I will be up in a minute,’ said James, closing his eyes again and determined to soak up a bit more of the sun.

‘Alright, but don’t blame me when you mum stomps down here to get you yourself,’ said Marlene, in an amused voice. James could hear her standing up and walking back to the manor, but he could not gather the willpower to follow here. Instead, he just lay there, his mind spinning with thoughts of Amber, Lily and his bloody head-boy badge.

* * * * *

‘Oh, yeah, that’s good stuff,’ said Peter as he took a deep drag of the joint he had just rolled. ‘I thought that Gudgeon was pulling my leg when he told me how potent this strain is, but it seems that he was telling the truth.’

‘Pass it over, will you,’ said James grumpily. He had only just arrived in the seventh year dormitory. After he dinner, Lily and he had had to take care of the first years. Afterwards, Lily had wasted no time and pulled him into a detailed discussion about what she wanted to achieve as head-girl and how he could help. It had not improved his mood.

‘Prongs, you are back,’ said Sirius exuberantly. ‘Blimey, given how long the two of you were gone, I thought Evans had either murdered or shagged you. But you are obviously alive and you don’t look like you have shagged anyone. So, what kept you?’

‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ said James. He took the spliff which Peter had offered to him and took a drag. ‘Thanks, Pete. I did not expect you to refill our stash that quickly.’

‘I had it all planned out with Gudgeon,’ explained Peter. ‘He asked me back in June whether we would want to restock in September. I told him we would and he offered me a special product for a good price if I agree to take two pounds.’

‘And you agreed?’ said Remus incredulously. ‘Peter, what were you thinking? If anyone finds out that we have two bloody pounds stashed in our dorm, we are going to be in so much trouble! I can see the teachers turn a blind idea to a joint or two, but not to that amount of weed!’

‘Oh, who cares?’ asked Sirius, taking the joint from James and taking a hit as well. ‘As if anyone is going to search our dormitory for weed. I doubt that the teachers even know what it is. It is not exactly a common drug in wizarding society. If they are going to search for anything, they will be looking for illegal potions and dark artefacts. I think you did well, Pete. Running out of weed all the time last year, pissed me off. It is better to buy a huge batch and only have to refill one or twice during the year. I just think that you should have bought more. The two pounds are going to last until Christmas, but not much longer.’

‘James, come on, say something,’ said Remus. ‘You are head-boy after all! You are not going to look the other way while Peter turn our dormitory into a bloody drug stash!’

‘Relax, Moony,’ said James. ‘Take a drag yourself, so you calm down a bit. We have been smoking this stuff for years and always stored it here. It never was a problem in the past, so why should it be one now?’

‘I am the worst prefect in the world,’ moaned Remus, but he took James’s advice and also took a drag from the spliff which was almost finished at this point.

‘You can finish it by yourself,’ said Sirius. ‘I am going to roll a new one. Nevertheless, I think Moony has a point. Maybe we should consider splitting our stash in multiple parts. That way, it will not be as bad if someone finds it.’

‘You think the teachers will let us off with a warning if they don’t find too much?’ asked Peter, sceptically. ‘I can see Dumbledore being lenient, but not McGonagall. She would have a fit if she knew.’

‘It is not the teachers I am overly worried about,’ said Sirius. ‘I am more worried about the other students. There are a lot of people in this tower and we have had problems with overly nosy "admirers" in the past already. Even if we put protective enchantments in place, there is still the risk of someone finding our stash and taking it for himself. We are not the only one smoking weed in this tower and a stash this big is going to attract thieves. I say we split it into parts and hid it at different places in the castle. That’s is going to be way saver.’

‘Ah, good idea,’ said James. ‘I can store some in my locker in the changing rooms. I just have to make sure that the packaging is air tight, so no one can smell it. Nobody ever touches other people’s lockers.’

‘Don’t you have some protective enchantments on the locker?’ asked Peter. ‘I think I remember you telling me about them quite a while ago. Why do you need them if you are so sure that no one is going to touch your locker anyway?’

‘Oh yeah,’ said James. ‘Right, I forgot about these. I enchanted my locker, because that git over there once put itching power in my Quidditch gloves. I was not amused.’

James pointed at Sirius who barked with laughter.

‘Oh yeah, I forgot that I did that,’ he said. ‘That was the best Quidditch practice of my life!’

‘Tosser,’ grumbled James, before turning to Peter again. ‘You know, we could hide some of it in other places as well. Maybe in the Shrieking Shack or in the tunnel under the hump-backed witch. The tunnel walls there are only earth. We could dig a small compartment there and hide the weed there. Then we just have to put a glamor charm on it and we are in business.’

‘Sounds like a good idea,’ said Peter. ‘Let’s head down there tomorrow night and see whether we can manage it.’

‘It is not a good idea,’ roared Remus. He turned to James. ‘You-are-the-bloody-head-boy! You can’t waltz around the castle and hide illegal drugs all over the place for Merlin’s sake!’

‘Right,’ said James. ‘Wormy, you have to place the weed there on your own, but I can help you make the hiding place. That does not violate any school rules at all.’

‘Argh,’ said Remus. ‘That was not what I meant and you know it!’

‘Merlin’s beard Moony,’ said Sirius. ‘Focus on smoking your spliff! You are so tightly wound you are going to explode any minute. It is bloody annoying that’s what it is.’

‘I am only doing my job,’ said Remus, but he did take another deep drag. ‘I really am the worst prefect in the world, but at least I have company. James is the worst head-boy after all.’

‘Hey, I resent that,’ said James. ‘You had two years of prefect work already, I have just started. Besides, I don’t see how I can mess this up too badly with Lily as my partner. She has more than enough drive for both of us.’

‘Really?’ asked Sirius. ‘Well, that’s great, isn’t it? That means you can go back to spending your days with Quidditch, pranking and flirting. Let Evans do all the work and relax. Sounds like a great plan. I don’t see why you have been so blue about it when you got here.’

‘I highly doubt that Lily is going to allow James to slack off,’ said Remus. ‘When I last spoke with her about her plans as head-girl she was very motivated and she expected him to be enthusiastic as well.’

‘Remus has got it right,’ said James. ‘She spent thirty bloody minutes telling me what she would like to do during the year. And when she was finally done, she asked me what my plans were and I had nothing! Nothing at all!’

‘Well of course you haven’t,’ said Sirius, impatiently. ‘You did not plan on becoming head-boy after all. Does she expect you to be ecstatic about the added responsibility and find solutions to every problem the school has in the two weeks that you had to adjust to news? Ridiculous! I don’t even remember who was head-boy last year, so I think the impact to the head-students is highly overrated.’

‘You can’t remember, because you consciously don’t pay attention to prefects and heads,’ pointed Remus out. ‘There is a difference. The heads certainly can have an impact on the school.’

‘Oh really?’ asked Sirius challengingly. ‘Name a change then which was introduced or suggested by a head-student and which had a lasting impact on the school.’

‘Er...,’ said Remus, who had clearly been startled by Sirius’s challenge. ‘Well, two years ago we had that Christmas Ball which had been organized by the head girl. Gosh, what was her name again? She had very long dark hair and a curvy figure.’

‘The one with the huge breasts?’ asked Peter. ‘I think that was Martha Spinnings.’

‘Oh, yeah, she was nice to look at,’ said Sirius. ‘But the ball was rather boring, wasn’t it? And it hardly had a lasting impact on the school. I mean, they have not held it since then, have they? So, I was right: Head-students cannot change anything meaningful.’

‘Well, Lily certainly does not agree,’ said James. ‘Merlin, the way she looked at me when I said that I did not have a master plan for my time as head-boy. She actually was disappointed! Can you believe it? I have not even made it through the first one on one meeting with her without disappoint her. Being head-boy is going to be a disaster.’

‘Relax, will you?’ said Sirius gruffly. ‘It is only Evans for Merlin’s sake. You were never going to impress her anyway. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Personally, I think you should be satisfied with your time as head-boy if you make it through the year without losing the badge. I mean, we have to realistic here. You are still a Marauder. You spend every full moon with running around with a werewolf in your animagus form which of course is not registered with the Ministry. I think it would be a bit much to ask you to be a fantastic head-boy.’

‘Thanks for the vote of confidence, Sirius,’ said James darkly. ‘And it is not just Evans. Everybody knows that I am a troublemaker at heart and quite a few people are not fond of me as head-boy. If I do a lousy job, then they will feel like they had been right all along.’

‘Is this about Snape?’ asked Remus. ‘You should not let him get to you, James. He is just jealous that you made head-boy and he is still only a prefect.’

‘What about Snape?’ asked Sirius sharply. He looked angry at the mere mention of the Slytherin. ‘Do we have to hex the slimy git? Has he forgotten his place again?’

‘It’s fine,’ said James. ‘Snape made a few snide comments about me being head-boy that’s all. I ignored him and that is the end of this nonsense. And you are not going to hex him Sirius. Remember: He knows about Moony and I don’t trust him to keep his mouth shut if we provoke him too much.’

‘He would not dare to defy Dumbledore,’ said Sirius. ‘If we don’t retaliate he is going to think that we have lost our touch. He will keep pestering you and it will become worse every time. We have to strike back and teach him his place.’

‘You heard James,’ said Remus curtly. ‘We cannot take that risk. Also, I doubt that Snape is going to be too much of a nuisance. I think he is more than occupied with becoming a Death Eater.’

‘You think he wants to be one of them?’ asked Sirius. ‘I do not think he has the guts for it. But it is one more reason to hate him, so I will take it gladly.’

‘The point is that Snape is not the only one who disagrees with me being head-boy,’ said James, thereby bringing the conversation back on track. ‘And I want to prove them all wrong, but I don’t know what to do.’

‘For the moment, I think it is best if you follow Evan’s lead,’ said Peter. ‘If she is as enthusiastic as you say, you can get by with just supporting her and everyone will think that you do a great job.’

‘That’s true,’ said Remus. ‘Also, I think coming up with new ideas of your own in addition to Lily’s is not a great idea as long as she is so enthusiastic about things. She is so preoccupied with her plans that she will probably not even listen properly to yours. And both are going to compete for your time and resources, so there can be a lot of friction there. So, your best course of action is probably to support her plans at first and thereby come up with your own or reshape hers.’

‘Yeah, that could work,’ said James. ‘I will probably have to kill half of her plans though. She actually has suggested to appeal to the board of governors to make Muggle Studies mandatory for each student. And this includes N.E.W.T.-level! She says that it will send a signal against all the Muggle hating in wizarding society, but there is no way this is going to work. She is just going to get everyone riled up even more.’

‘That’s Evans for you,’ said Sirius. ‘Full of well-meant ideas that she is hell-bent on sharing with you whether you want to hear them or not. Maybe that is why Dumbledore chose you as her partner. You know how the wizarding world actually works. You are a pure-blood from a good family which is well-connected. You can temper her plans so that they may actually work! On her own, she is never going to gather any support, she is not popular enough and she lacks the necessary connections.’

‘You know, that does make sense,’ said James. ‘Maybe this is the way I can be a good head-boy. I will have to think about that.’

‘Yes, but not tonight,’ said Sirius. ‘I have had it with all this talk about Evans and head-students. It is our first night back and we are going to continue our condition and get smashed.’

James laughed at Remus’s resigned expression as Sirius whipped out the fire-whiskey. Sirius was right, there was enough time to worry about being head-boy and Lily in the morning.

Chapter 24

Chapter Text

Two days later, James was sitting in the library and had his head buried in a thick tome on advanced human transfiguration. He had just turned a page, when a familiar voice broke his concentration.

'I thought Remus was joking we he told me to come here of all places,' said Lily quietly as she slid in the seat opposite of him. 'I never thought that I would see the day were James Potter was studying in the library.'

'Hey Lily,' said James looking up at her. She looked very pretty this evening with her hair loose rather than in her usual pony tail. 'Yes, my reputation is getting damaged more and more. First I become head-boy and now I am even in the library.'

'Oh, what will your fan-club say?' asked Lily jokingly. 'But seriously, what are you doing here? I thought you hated that place.'

'I do,' said James. 'It is McGonagall's fault that I am here. Do you remember the essay she asked us to write?'

'The one on human transfiguration?' said Lily. James nodded and she continued. 'That essay was a nightmare to write! I am normally quite good at transfiguration, but it went right over my head. But surely it was no problem for you, James. After all, you are a prodigy at transfiguration, as you like to remind me every day.'

'Guilty as charged,' said James with a bright smile. 'No, the essay itself was no problem. However, it got me thinking about human transfiguration in general and I decided to pay a visit to the library to find more about certain questions which popped into my brain. Have you ever asked yourself, why wizards never have any magical animals as their animagus form?'

'Not particularly,' said Lily honestly. 'I have never thought about being an animagus in general. I mean, it is a very impressive bit of magic, but I just can't imagine what being a human with in an animal's body would feel like.'

'I see,' said James. 'Yes, from what I have read, it does take some time getting used to it. It all depends on your animagus form, obviously. Some animals are more different from humans than others. Just imagine being a bird! On one hand, you will be able to fly, but will you actually know how to do it? I mean young birds have to learn how to fly and as a human you never had anyone teach you. So, are you able to fly or not?'

'I... I am not sure,' said Lily. She seemed rather thrown by his example. 'I would assume that you can fly, you are a bird after all. You probably just have to practice a bit, but then you should be fine.'

'Yes, that seems plausible,' said James. 'However, there are very few insider experiences from actual animagi. I once asked McGonagall how she dealt with her improved sense of smell in her animagus form and she told me that she got used to it after a while. She also said that even in her human form her senses have improved after she became an animagus. Did you know that this happens?'

'No, I did not,' said Lily. 'I knew that your animal form reflects certain physical attributes of your human form, in McGonagall's case her square glass, but I never thought that the connection went both ways. I guess becoming an animagus really changes you forever. That is probably one of the reasons the Ministry makes everybody register.'

'Yeah, I guess so,' said James. 'I image a bad person with a fitting animagus form could cause a lot of trouble and nobody would be the wiser. Just imagine a magpie animagus going around and stealing things. Everybody would just assume that is it just a rogue bird! I think that probably has more to do with why the Ministry closely monitors all animagi than the rubbish they say about protecting them.'

'You don't think that an animagus transformation is dangerous?'

'No, I know that it is dangerous, I just think that the Ministry is not going to be there to save you if things go badly. No matter whether or not you register, you will probably be one your own. Also, not everybody can register. They would never allow someone underage to become an animagus, for example.'

'And with good reason,' said Lily sharply. 'What reason could someone that young have for becoming an animagus? And why would his parents ever agree to such nonsense?'

'I don't know,' said James. 'Maybe he wants to prove that he can do it, maybe he wants to help someone or maybe he just is interested in the subject. If he does not tell his parents and just works here in school, nobody would ever know.'

'I refuse to believe that anyone could be so foolish,' said Lily, shaking her head. 'Besides, only very few people are good enough to even attempt it. So, the pool of people who are both proficient at transfiguration and completely reckless is small enough that probably no one has ever attempted to become an animagus while still at school.'

'Probably,' said James, though he struggled to hide his smile. Lily had no idea how dedicated the Marauders could be if they put their mind to something. 'But I got side-tracked. I originally came here to find out why people cannot turn into magical animals. I mean your animagus form is the animal which represents your character best. Every person is different so why shouldn’t some wizards have a magical animagus form or a magical patronus? Maybe he is a unicorn at heart so why shouldn't he have this form? It does not make any sense.'

'And did you find out why?'

'No,' said James, running a hand through his hair in frustration. This was on old project for him. When he became an animagus back in his fifth year, Sirius and he had argued about the topic countless times. Sirius had never cared for the reason why one could not transform himself into a magical animal. He had just accepted the restriction and never gave it a second thought. The fact that James had continued to rope him into a discussion about possible reasons had annoyed him immensely. In the end, he had told James to shove off and not bother him with this nonsense anymore. James had actually listened to him and had pushed the thought to the back of his mind. He had been very busy with exploring his new animagus form back then anyway. However, McGonagall’s essay had rekindled the small ember still simmering in his mind and now he was back to his obsessive behaviour. 'I have read a lot of theories, but most of them are not backed with any hard facts. Some researchers argue that it is not possible in general, while others say that the right wizard just was not born yet or has never attempted to become an animagus. Some say that the size and majesty of your form depends on your magical prowess, but I think that is just wishful thinking. Just because you are a powerful wizard, does not mean that your character is best represented by something impressive as well. I don't know whether Slytherin was an animagus, but he probably was a snake. That's hardly majestic.'

'I agree,' said Lily. 'McGonagall is pretty powerful and her animagus form is not impressive at all. Also, I think if it was possible to become a magical animals, someone would have managed it by now. I mean wizards and witches have been around for thousands of years. Someone was bound to do it just to prove that he could.'

'Exactly,' said James. 'So, there has to be some factor which prevents it. But what could it be? It is not that every magical animal is powerful or even impressive. Take a flubberworm for example. There is no reason why someone should not be able to become one of these. Naturally, no one would want to, but it should be possible nevertheless.'

'You have thought a lot about this,' said Lily. 'I never knew you cared so much about transfiguration.'

'Well, that is a bit of an obsession for me,' said James. 'Sirius thinks that I am wasting my time thinking about it. He thinks it is enough to know that it is not possible and that I should move on. Giving up has never been my forte, though.'

'I noticed,' said Lily and her lips twitched. 'Listen, I wanted to apologize to you for giving you such a hard time yesterday. I should not have snapped at you like that when you admitted that you have not made any plans for your time as head-boy. You never expected to get the position after all and did not have as much time to adjust to it as I had.'

'Apology accepted,' said James, pleased by the turn of events. 'To be honest I felt rather stupid when you rattled off everything you want to change in this school. I guess I am rather out of my depth with the whole head-boy thing.'

'You will grow into it,' said Lily. 'You are a good leader after all. Marlene has always been very pleased with how you head the Quidditch team. She has complained an awful lot about you being insane though.'

'Yeah, well, I don't deny it,' said James with a grin. 'Marlene knew what she was getting into when I became captain. She has known me for most of my life and I have always been dedicated to Quidditch.'

'She mentioned that you would like to play professionally after school,' said Lily. 'Is this still your plan?'

'It is,' said James. 'At least if nothing major happens until I am done with school. A lot is going on in our world at the moment and my plans may well be null and void until I finish school.'

'Are you thinking off the war?' said Lily.

'Among other things,' said James. His thoughts strayed to his father's machinations and, surprisingly, to Amber.

'I think your plans will be fine,' said Lily. 'No matter how bad the war gets, there will still be Quidditch. It is the most popular sport in the Wizarding World after all.'

'That's true,' said James. He hesitated for moment before continuing. 'I have toyed with the thought of becoming an auror. I cannot just sit back and watch the world go to hell.'

'Yeah, I feel the same way,' said Lily. 'But I don't think that being an auror would suit me. I think you are going to fit right in, though. You are more than reckless enough for the job.'

James laughed.

'Yeah, I guess that's true,' said James. 'My father used to be an auror and he is not excited by the idea, though.'

'Why not?' asked Lily. 'Didn't he like his job while he was still active?'

'He did,' said James. 'He just warned me about the long-term effects of the job. He is a bit paranoid and he knows lot of aurors who are even worse off when he is. If you ever meet Mad-Eye you will know what I mean.'

'Mad-Eye?'

'Alastor Moody, nick-named Mad-Eye Moody,' said James. 'He is an auror and an old friend of my father. He is one of the best at his job, but seriously touched in the head. Paranoid, you see? For example, he only drinks and eats what he has prepared for himself as he is afraid of poison.'

'Oh dear,' said Lily. 'Why is he called Mad-Eye though? Seems like a very odd nickname.'

'He lost an eye,' said James. 'They replaced it with a magical one. It looks... odd and allows him to see in two directions at once. It is very creepy.'

'It does sound creepy,' said Lily. 'Do aurors often lose body parts?'

'It happens,' said James. 'There are a lot of nasty creatures and curses out there. And once you lose a body part it is impossible to restore via magic. If you spent decades in the field like Moody did, you are bound to lose some parts of yourself. He also lost his leg and good chunk of his nose. He’s not a pretty sight.'

'I can imagine,' said Lily with a shudder. 'Maybe you should stick to your original plan then and become a Quidditch player. I am sure that things are going to get better soon.'

'I hope so,' said James. 'However, it seems that I have become rather bad a sticking to the plan in the last few months.'

Lily pulled a face.

'I am sorry about Amber,' she said. 'Marlene has told me that the two of you are no longer together and that she is married by now. I did not even know that she was engaged.'

'Thanks,' said James gruffly.

'Did you know that she was bound to marry Fawley?' asked Lily in a would-be-casual voice. James suppressed rolling his eyes. He should have known. Lily was a girl after all and all girls loved gossip. Well, it could not do any harm telling her the old news.

'Not a first,' said James. 'She told me after some time and we decided to keep seeing each other nevertheless. She was looking for a distraction after all.'

'And what were you looking for?'

'I am not sure,' said James, evasively. He could not admit that he had tried to get over her after all. 'It seemed like a good idea at the time.'

'Hm…,' said Lily, pursing her lips. 'Well, it does not seem very fair of her to use you as a distraction when she is about to get married.'

'I knew what I was getting myself into,' said James. 'Or at least I thought I did. Amber did not trick me in any way. And her marriage was arranged. She deserved some happiness even if it was only temporary.'

'Was it really?' said Lily, intrigued. 'I did not know that arranged marriages were still happening in Britain.'

'They are not that rare in traditional pure-blood families,' said James. 'My parent's marriage was arranged.'

'Oh, and do they get along?' said Lily. 'No, don't answer that, it is too personal.'

'It's fine,' said James quickly. 'And yes, they do. They grew fond of each other over the years. They were very lucky.'

'They are,' said Lily. 'I can't imagine having an arranged marriage. Getting married to someone you don't love and who you may only know in passing must be horrible.'

'I suppose,' said James. 'Amber was not too happy about it either.'

'How did she handle it?'

'She was very cool and collected about it,' said James. 'Always keeping up her guard, hiding how she truly feels. I have met her husband and he seems alright, but I am not sure how she feels about him.'

'And the two of you?' asked Lily.

'Amber and I have not spoken since she became married,' said James curtly. 'I expect that we will meet again at some point, the pure-blood community is not that big after all, but we will just be friends then.'

'It's a shame it went that way,' said Lily. 'You two were a lovely couple.'

'Do you think so?' asked James, who was rather surprised by that statement. 'I can't remember that you ever saw the two of us together for longer than a few seconds.'

Lily blushed furiously and everything clicked into place for James. She was referring to the time she had watched Amber and him shag in the showers. This would be fun.

'There is something I have to tell you,' she said. 'After the Qudditch finals last year, I went into the changing rooms. I was looking for Marlene and I thought she was still inside. She wasn't but I could hear water running in the shower. Among other things.'

'And you just could not resist taking a peek, could you?' asked James in an amused voice. Lily blushed even harder at that. 'You saw Amber and me, didn't you?'

'Yes,' said Lily. 'Are you mad at me?'

'No,' said James. 'I am not that modest a person. Also, I already knew that you had been there.'

'You did? But why didn't you say anything?'

'At the time, I was rather busy and I did not want to disturb Amber. Afterwards, I was not sure what to say and it did not matter anyway. Confronting you would have been awkward, so I decided just to let it go and see what you would do about it. Did you enjoy the show?'

'I am not going to answer that,' said Lily in a scandalized voice.

'So, you did,' said James with a wide grin on his face. 'Well, what can I say Lily? I am unusually talented in multiple ways.'

'Oh yes, how could I forget?' she said, rolling her eyes at his antics. 'I thought you would be angry with me. But you really don't mind at all, do you?'

'I don't mind,' said James simply. 'Just try not to make it a habit. It could get both of us in trouble.'

'It was an accident,' said Lily in protest. 'I am not a pervert who gets off watching other people shag!'

'Maybe you just like to watch me?' suggest James innocently. She hit him on the shoulder for his cheek.

'Prat,' she said. 'Are you quite done making fun of me?'

'Almost,' said James. 'Well, I am just glad that I never stumbled over Palmer and you doing dirty deeds during prefect patrol. That certainly would have been awkward.'

'You wouldn't have,' said Lily, looking rather shocked at the suggestion. 'Luke and I were always very discreet. In contrast to you, we do not perform for an audience and don't move quite as fast.'

'That's good to know,' said James. 'I will keep things discreet then if you ever find your way in my bed.'

She hit him again.

'Have I ever told you that you have anger management issues?' asked James, rubbing the smarting spot on his shoulder where she had struck him.

'No, but you really should know better than to provoke me like this,' said Lily huffily. 'And you should not make jokes like that. Someone might get the wrong idea. Luke was always badgering me about you and your interest in me. He kept expecting you to turn up and sweep me away. I have never seen someone that jealous.'

'Well, seems like he knew he would never be able to compete with me, so he at least wasn't dumb,' said James co*ckily.

'Yes, he would never be able to be as humble as you are,' said Lily, rolling her eyes once again. 'Thanks to your over-the-top behaviour every boy in this bloody castle believes that you have some kind of hold over me. Luke half expected you to hex him when you learned that the two of us were going out.'

'Ridiculous,' said James dismissively. Of course, he had thought about hexing Palmer but had decided against it as he knew that Lily would have went ballistic. 'I was rather occupied at the time and I don't hex people just because they are dating you. At least not anymore.'

'How very mature of you.'

'I know,' said James, choosing to ignore the sarcasm. 'Marlene told me that the two of you are not going out anymore. What went wrong?'

'Oh, we just did not fit that well together as I thought we would,' said Lily. 'The relationship just grew stale very quickly. Luke is a nice guy, but he is not very exciting to be around. He is dependable and smart and gentle. He cares about his homework, he never says a bad word about anyone. He is...'

'...incredibly boring,' finished James. 'And you thought he was everything you wanted, only to realize one day that you were wrong.'

'That is a rather blunt way to put it,' said Lily. 'But you are not wrong. I thought that Luke and I were a good match. He is good looking and he and you don't share a single character trait.'

'Should I be offended about you choosing your boyfriend because they are not like me?' asked James lightly. He felt a stab in his chest at her words, but knowledge that her relationship with Palmer failed soothed the wound a bit. Still, it was a testament to how badly he had messed up trying to win her heart. Well, at least now he knew exactly what not to do, if he ever decided to give it another go. They were in a strange limbo right now. They were friends, but not quite. Being around Lily was different from being around Marlene or the Marauders. There was some underlying tension here which made every conversation feel charged like the air before a thunderstorm. He wondered whether she felt it too.

'Maybe,' admitted Lily. 'Still, I just admitted that I was wrong, didn't I? And today I know that you are a much better person than I thought last year.'

'Thanks,' said James simply. It meant a lot to him that she no longer considered him scum like the junior Death Eaters. Still, it was a long way from not hating somebody to shagging him and despite all his efforts to get over her, he still wanted to shag her more than he had ever wanted to shag anyone else. Maybe that was the reason this head-boy thing was so hard, no pun intended. Being around her more often certainly was not going to help him.

'Did Marlene tell you that Luke thought I had cheated on him?' she asked suddenly.

'She mentioned it.'

'Did she also tell you who he suspected to be my partner in crime?'

'No, who was it?'

'You,' said Lily. 'I think his insecurities about you have led him to this conclusion.'

'You are kidding,' said James.

'Sadly, not,' said Lily. 'I wish I was. Up to that point our break-up talk had been... well, not pleasurable but at least bearable. When your name got mentioned things got ugly very quickly.'

'Defended me in front of your ex, did you?' asked James, grinning. 'I never thought I would see the day where you of all people defend my virtue.'

'I was not defending you,' protested Lily. 'It just seems highly unfair that he was blaming you for something you did not do. You often evade punishment for your misdemeanours, but in this case I obviously knew that you were innocent, so I had to tell him.'

'And did he believe you?' asked James. It was interesting that she had not bother to point out how ludicrous the thought of her cheating on her boyfriend with him supposedly was. James wondered whether this meant something or if he was just over-interpreting things.

'I am not sure,' said Lily. 'I tried to tell him that I would never cheat on anybody, but he seemed fixated on the idea. I think he was just trying to come up with a reason to blame me for the end of the relationship.'

'Well, you did break up with him,' James pointed out.

'Well, I would not have had to if he had made more of an effort,' said Lily huffily. 'He could have realized that things were not really working out between us after all.'

James said nothing. He knew that he was in dangerous territory. In his opinion, one could not fault Luke Palmer that was a boring stick in the mud. It was his nature after all. As soon as Lily had realized that he was boring her, there was nothing Palmer could have done to hold onto her.

‘It does not matter any way,' continued Lily after it was clear that James was not going to say anything. 'Relationships come and go. It is perfectly normal to break up with your boyfriend. Just look at Marlene for example.'

'I still can't believe that Sirius and she are still going strong,' said James.

'Sometimes love can be found in the strangest places,' said Lily. 'I was more than a bit sceptical when I learned that Marlene was dating Black of all people. I thought that she was just asking for trouble by going for him of all people in the school. I know that he is your best friend, but he does have reputation for breaking hearts wherever he goes. I really liked Charlie Davies and I thought that he was perfect for Marlene, so her breaking up with him certainly was a shock. I tried to convince her to give him another chance, but she flat out refused. Apparently there is too much scorched earth between the two of them by now.'

'Davies is an alright bloke,' said James. 'I don't like to admit it, but it is a fact. Still, he should have known better than to propose to Marlene. She is easily scared away if you get too close to her.'

'Yes, I know,' said Lily. 'Do you have any idea why she behaves that way? You have known her for a lot longer than I have.'

'I am not sure,' said James. 'When she was younger, she was a rather shy girl. Don't look at me like that, I know that it is hard to believe, but it is the truth. She certainly has made huge improvements in that regard, but I think that she has still trouble trusting other people. She is always trying to prevent getting hurt, usually by keeping people at a distance. You might have noticed that she does not have many close friends.'

'Yeah, I did,' said Lily. 'Well, then it makes sense that Charlie scared her away like that. Still, she should not have been so harsh about it. She just could have told him that she was not ready yet and they could have waited.'

'I suspect that she just panicked,' said James. 'And you know how hot-headed Marlene can be. She just blew up on him and things went all downhill from there. Well, I suppose that's just the way it is. To be honest, I was not pleased than I learned that she was seeing Sirius. Not pleased at all.'

'Really?' asked Lily. 'Why not?'

'Because I know both of them like the back of my hand,' said James. 'Sirius has the habit of ditching witches as quickly as he picks them up and Marlene is always looking for an excuse to bail. It just seemed like a recipe for disaster and I did not fancy getting caught in the crossfire.'

‘And what do you think about them now?’ asked Lily.

‘Now, I am not sure,’ said James. ‘Staying with one girl for such a long time is a new record for Sirius, so something must be going well then. I suppose time will tell whether my first assessment was right.’

‘I don’t like to admit it, but I think they are good together,’ said Lily. ‘You know that Black and I don’t get along, but Marlene is much happier since the two of them dating. I think she is even happier than she was back with Charlie. Everything is much less serious now and I think it suits her very well. And it is about time that Black had a proper relationship. He would run out of fresh witches to seduce otherwise’

‘I have told him that myself, but he just said that new witches turn fifteen every year,’ said James with a shrug.

‘Disgusting,’ said Lily, wrinkling her nose. ‘He really is a pig.’

‘Well, Marlene seems to like it,’ said James. ‘And plenty of other witches as well. I think you are one of the view in the castle which are not all affected by his charms.’

‘I don’t go for blatant womanizer,’ said Lily. ‘And he is too much of pretty boy for my taste anyway. He looks like he spends and hour each morning to get his hair just right.’

‘He usually gets it right in about half an hour,’ said James with a smile. ‘He always says that I should make more of an effort with my hair as well, but I have given it up as a bad job. Besides, it just adds to my mystique, don’t you think so?’

‘Totally,’ said Lily dryly. ‘If you aim for a permanently windswept look, then you are nailing it. You know it would not be half as bad if you did not mess it up further all the time.’

‘Old habits die hard,’ said James. ‘Speaking of habits, I am going to get out of here and have a smoke. I don’t think that I will make any more progress here. Do you want to come?’

‘No, I still have some work to do,’ said Lily. ‘I will see you around, then.’

‘I guess you will,’ said James with a smile. He grabbed his things and hurried out of the library, knowing that he would need some time on his own to mull over this conversation.

Chapter 25

Chapter Text

‘God, I am getting too old for this,’ moaned James, as he finally dragged himself up from his bed. It was Saturday, about a month into their seventh year. Today the first Hogsmeade visit of the year was scheduled to take place, but as it was the day after a full moon the Marauders were not exactly up to the task.

‘Quit whining,’ said Sirius, who was already dressed and had his hair neatly in place. ‘At least you are not still in the Hospital Wing like Moony.’

‘Do you think he will be up for a Hogsmeade visit?’ asked James tiredly. He walked over to his trunk and started rummaging for fresh underwear. ‘He was not too keen on the idea yesterday.’

‘I don’t think so,’ said Peter, who like James had only now gotten up. ‘He told me that after a transformation, every bone in his body is aching. He is probably going to rest today.’

‘Poor Moony,’ said James. ‘He could do with some cheering up.’

‘Well, he gave me a very detailed list of all the different kinds of chocolate we are supposed to be getting him in Hogsmeade,’ said Sirius. ‘Chocolate always cheers him up, so I guess he will be in a much better mood when we return.’

‘Possibly,’ said James and yawned heartily. ‘What times is it? I feel like I haven’t slept at all.’

‘It is ten past eleven,’ said Sirius. ‘We got back here around five I think.’

‘Six hours is not nearly enough,’ said James. ‘I need at least eight hours to be up to my best.’

‘You are always getting up early to go running,’ said Peter. ‘Why are you so whiny about some missed sleep now?’

‘Because even though I rise early, I get my hours of sleep because I go to bed early as well,’ said James impatiently. ‘You should try it sometimes. It is a wonderful thing to start the day bright and early.’

‘Oh yeah, getting up early to take a run sounds like a marvellous idea,’ said Sirius sarcastically. ‘Merlin’s beard you sound like an old codger. You never used to complain when we did our night time adventuring around the castle before. And we were gone for hours sometimes. I remember back in fourth year, when we were working hard on the map, we used to go to sleep around three in the morning for a whole week. You were fine with it back then.’

‘Well, I was younger back then,’ said James huffily. ‘And I had not yet started to get up that early back then. Anyway, as we are way too late for breakfast, I suppose we will have to wait a bit for lunch to start. After lunch we can head to Hogsmeade.’

‘That leaves both you and Peter about half an hour to get yourself presentable,’ said Sirius. ‘I know Peter can do it, but with your hair, James, you will be on a very tight schedule.’

‘Bugger off about my hair, will you?’ grumbled James. ‘Why are you all dressed already? Normally, you are the last one to get up.’

‘I couldn’t sleep very well,’ said Sirius. ‘All the adrenaline from running with Moony kept me awake for more than an hour after we retired. When I finally got to sleep, I only managed three hours of sleep before waking up. Then I could not fall asleep again and decided to give up. As I already was too late for breakfast, I had all the time in the world to get dressed and to groom myself.’

‘Good for you,’ said James. ‘Just leave me alone until I had my tea.’

‘You are so irritable this morning,’ said Sirius. ‘What’s the matter with you? Normally, you are all bright eyed and bushy tailed when I get up. Ready for a new adventure and more than excited to start the new day. Should I go and see if Evans is still in the castle? Maybe she can give you a little kiss to cheer you up.’

‘She is not about to kiss me anytime soon,’ said James. ‘And I am always irritable after getting up. You just don’t know because you only see me when I have already been awake for more than an hour and usually already went for a run.’

‘Looks like there is something good about your masoch*stic behaviour after all,’ quipped Sirius. ‘And I would not be so sure about Evans.’

‘You think she is finally going to give Prongs a chance?’ said Peter.

‘Oh yes,’ said Sirius. ‘I think our little head-girl is having very naughty thoughts about our dear Prongs. I think she would not mind kissing him at all. In fact, I rather think that she wants him to kiss her in more delicate areas as well.’

‘What a load of rubbish,’ said James. ‘We are friends and fellow head-students and that is all.’

‘You are not friends,’ said Sirius. ‘Friends don’t want to rip each other’s cloths off and shag each other silly. You have wanted her for years and by now I am sure that she wants you as well. So, all you have to do is take her. Just remember the silencing charm when you finally have her in your bed. I don’t like being kept awake.’

‘What makes you think that she wants to shag me?’ asked James. ‘I have not noticed anything unusual about her and she was never fond of the idea in the past.’

‘Are you bloody serious?’ asked Sirius. ‘Oh, never mind, of course you aren’t. I am Sirius after all.’

‘Just answer the question, Padfoot,’ said Peter, rolling his eyes at the old joke. ‘Personally, I think you are just trying to rile Prongs up.’

‘Well, you wouldn’t know whether a girl is interested in you if you she pulled off her clothes right in front of you, Wormtail,’ said Sirius dismissively. ‘But Prongs is not an idiot, he must have noticed something. Fine, I am going to spell it out for you. First of all, she spends a lot of time with him.’

‘She is head-girl, I am head-boy,’ said James. ‘It is only natural that we spent a lot of time together.’

‘Yes, but she does not have to stick around after you are done like she did yesterday,’ said Sirius.

‘She needed help with her transfiguration homework!’

‘Of course she did, but she did not have to stare at your lips every few seconds. I doubt that she took in more than a word you said. You have to tell me how you did it, Prongs. I have never seen a bird get so bloody turned on by someone rambling about transfiguration. I always thought that doing homework together was only code for a nice little snogging session, but apparently it is more useful for foreplay as I have thought.’

‘You are completely and utterly insane,’ said James. ‘She was tired and probably more than a bit bored. This is why she was zoning out all the time and she certainly was not looking at my lips. Why are you imagining all these things? Do you want the two of us to get together all of sudden? I thought you hated the very thought of it.’

‘I do,’ said Sirius. ‘Evans is a stickler for rules and will only make you even more responsible and therefore boring as you already are. But I cannot ignore what’s happening right under my nose and neither should you.’

‘So, you really think that Evans fancies me?’ asked James. ‘You are not pulling my leg and only want me to embarrass myself in front of her?’

‘I am completely serious,’ said Sirius. ‘Marauder’s honour.’

‘That does not mean much,’ said Peter. ‘And I thought you are always serious anyway?’

‘Not a good time, Peter,’ said James. ‘Fine, Padfoot. I am going to ask Moony about this and if he agrees with your assessment, I will ask her out again. But if I discovered that you lied about this, I am going to hex you into next week.’

‘Fair enough,’ said Sirius. ‘But you will see that I was right all along. I am a love guru after all.’

‘Of course you are,’ said James, who by now was fully dressed. ‘I am going to pop into the bathroom for a moment. When I am done, Peter can have a go and then we will be ready for lunch.’

‘Fine with me, but hurry up a bit,’ said Sirius. ‘I am starving.’

‘Of course, your majesty,’ said James and disappeared into the bathroom.

Half an hour later, both Peter and James were presentable and the trio made their way down to lunch.

‘Do you think Moony will be there already?’ asked James, when they were climbing down the staircase into the entrance hall. ‘Sometimes Pomfrey lets him out early if the damage is not too severe.’

‘I don’t think he will be,’ said Peter sadly. ‘He sounded very groggy this morning. She will probably keep him there for the whole day.’

‘Maybe I should pay him a visit and see if I can talk Pomfrey into letting him go early,’ said Sirius. ‘She likes me after all. I bet, I could shag her if I wanted to, but she just is too plain for me.’

‘There is no way you would be able to shag Pomfrey,’ said James. ‘She is way too prim and proper to find herself in bed with a student! And I never noticed that she liked you. In fact, I remember her being rather cross with you last year because of that out of control joke with the combustion solution.’

‘Hey, that joke was brilliant!’ said Sirius. ‘If you can’t see that then she lacks a sense of humour.’

‘You put half of the Slytherin Quidditch team into the hospital wing,’ said Peter. ‘That does sound a bit out of control to me.’

‘She does not even know that it was me,’ said Sirius. ‘So how is it fair that I get blamed for it? It could have been one of you two after all! And I did not put them in the hospital wing! They only had some minor burns. If they had put essence of murtlap on it, they would have been right as rain within an hour. But they had to be big babies and make a fuss in the hospital wing. They probably thought that we would get punished more severely if they exaggerated their injuries. But we have always been too clever for them. They did not have any proof after all. I am only sorry about the school brooms.’

‘Don’t be,’ said James. ‘They were useless lumps of wood even before you reduced them to splinters. We got new better ones after the incident after all, so I think you did the school a service.’

‘That’s right!’ said Sirius enthusiastically. ‘This makes it even more unfair that Pomfrey holds a grudge because of this.’

‘Speaking of grudges,’ said Peter warily. ‘Look over there. I think we are about to have company.’

James looked to where Peter was pointing and spotted Rosier waiting next to the entrance to the Great Hall. His gaze was fixed on the Marauders and his face was carefully arranged in a blank mask. That did not bode well for James. Rosier should be in Hogsmeade like the rest of the older students. It did not make any sense for him to hang around here. Had he been waiting for them? If so, whatever for?

‘We are going to see what he has to say,’ said James quietly. ‘No hexes unless we have to defend ourselves.’

Sirius looked disappointed at that strategy, but did not protest.

‘There you are, Potter,’ said Rosier when they had reached the bottom of the staircase. ‘I was afraid that I had missed you and you had already snuck off into Hogsmeade, but it seems like you were having a bit off a lie-in.’

‘We did,’ said James vaguely. ‘What is it?’

‘I need a word, in private,’ said Rosier. ‘Tell your friends to bugger off, will you?’

‘If you think we are going to leave him alone with a snake like you, you are an even bigger fool then I thought,’ said Sirius hotly.

‘It’s fine, Sirius,’ said James. ‘We will only have a quick chat. Find me if I am gone for more than ten minutes.’

‘But James...’

‘I have made my decision,’ said James firmly. ‘Lead the way, Rosier.’

‘Follow me,’ said Rosier, after flashing Sirius a contemptuous look. He led James into a side corridor and into a broom cupboard. James was glad that no one saw them enter it together. He could vividly imagine the kinds of rumours such an unlikely couple in a broom cupboard would create.

‘I can’t see how you can stand hanging around with Black all the time,’ said Rosier after casting a silencing charm. ‘He is such a fool.’

‘You did not drag me into the cupboard to talk about Sirius,’ drawled James. ‘Get to the point, Rosier.’

‘Patience is a virtue, Potter, surely you know that,’ said Rosier. ‘But if you don’t appreciate small talk, we can cut this conversation short. Don’t go to Hogsmeade today.’

‘What?’ asked James, a little thrown by this rather random change of subject.

‘Don’t go to Hogsmeade today,’ repeated Rosier slowly with a rather wicked grin on his face.

‘Why not?’ asked James.

‘Let’s just say that there are things underfoot in the village today and it would be best to stay far away from them,’ said Rosier obviously very pleased with himself.

‘I see,’ said James with his mind racing. Rosier was tied to the Death Eaters. Whatever he was warning James about could therefore be nothing good. Did the Death Eaters plan to attack Hogsmeade? Surely they wouldn’t dare! It was so close to the school and therefore close to Dumbledore. And the Ministry was bound to react quickly to any disturbance in the village. They would be foolish to strike at this place! However, it did make sense if they just wanted to spread terror. People were worried about their children already and an attack on Hogsmeade would cause many of them to panic altogether. The pressure on the Ministry and on Dumbledore would increase. He had to think about this. ‘Why are you telling me this?’

‘Because I am a generous and friendly person,’ said Rosier. At James’s disbelieving look he continued. ‘Your father asked for proof that his family is safe if he supports the cause. Let’s consider this a demonstration of the kind of safety we can provide. Be sure to tell you father that I gave you that information, Potter. My own father would be very disappointed if I failed this quest, very disappointed indeed. Well, I suppose that concludes our little chat. Take care Potter. Don’t do anything stupid.’

He cancelled the silencing charm and left the cupboard. James remained rooted to the spot for a moment, still trying to make sense out of what Rosier had just told him. Then, he cursed loudly and colourfully, before storming out of the cupboard and back into the Great Hall.

The other Marauders had already taken their seats but had not yet started eating. Sirius visibly relaxed when he spotted James. Obviously, he had still been worried about what Rosier might do to his friend.

‘That was rather quick,’ he said, when James set down opposite of him. ‘Are you alright? You look a bit rattled.’

‘Oh, I am rattled alright,’ said James. He cast a quick Muffiliato and quickly told Peter and Sirius what Rosier had just told him.

‘Bloody hell,’ said Sirius quietly, when James had finished. ‘We have to tell someone! Sound the alarm! There need to be aurors in Hogsmeade right now! Maybe the attack has already taken place.’

‘It’s possible,’ said James. ‘Rosier obviously did not expect us to take that long to get down from the dormitory. I doubt that he has any say about when the attack is supposed to take place, so they could very well already be at it. We have to tell one of the teachers and then rush to Hogsmeade ourselves.’

‘What? Why?’ asked Peter. ‘We already know that Death Eaters are going to be there. Why should we put ourselves in danger by going there?’

‘We have to help the others,’ said Sirius. ‘Marlene and the other girls are in Hogsmeade and they have no idea that Death Eaters are about to pay them a visit. We have to go and warn them. If we are lucky, we can get them out of the village before the trouble starts.’

‘We could just write them an owl,’ said Peter. ‘I am still unsure whether Rosier was telling the truth at all. Maybe he is just trying to test you, James. He will know that you gave away the secret if the teachers arrive there early. Maybe there is no attack at all and he just wants to find out whether you are truly loyal to their cause.’

‘It’s possible,’ agreed James grudgingly. ‘He did not present any proof after all. But can we take the risk of just doing nothing? I am not sure. People could get killed!’

‘The Death Eaters don’t f*ck around,’ said Sirius. ‘They will be out for blood. We have to tell someone, no matter if this reveals James’s true loyalty.’

‘I am afraid, you are right,’ said James, running a hand through his hair in agitation. ‘f*ck! That’s going to ruin my father’s plans.’

‘Do you think, he will be angry with you?’ asked Peter. ‘I can tell a teacher if you want to. Maybe that gives you some deniability. I don’t want to go to Hogsmeade anyway.’

‘Why not?’ asked Sirius.

‘I am not good enough at duelling to fight Death Eaters,’ said Peter quietly.

‘Bloody coward,’ said Sirius with a withering look. ‘Your friend’s are in danger and you want to stay behind to save your sorry skin. Pathetic.’

‘Leave him, Sirius,’ said James. He did not like Peter’s lack of courage as well, but he had to admit that his friend had a point. Peter was dreadful at duelling and would not last a minute against a Death Eater. He would probably only get in the way and if he told the teachers about the assault, James could pretend that Peter had acted without his permission. It was not a very believable lie, as Peter always was at his beck and call, but maybe the Slytherins did not know that. Yes, it was a plan, not a very good plan, but a plan nonetheless.

‘Alright Peter,’ said James. ‘You stay back here and find a teacher to confide in. McGonagall or Dumbledore would be perfect, but others will do as well.’

He took a quick glance at the teachers table which was empty except for Flitwick and Sprout.

‘See if you can catch Flitwick on his own and tell him if neither McGonagall nor Dumbledore show up,’ he continued. ‘Just make sure that the Slytherins don’t see you. Sirius, you and I are going to Hogsmeade. We have to warn whoever already is in the village.’

‘Right,’ said Sirius, who skewered a steak with his fork and pulled it onto his plate. ‘But we have to eat something first. We are not going to do any good if we are about to faint from low blood sugar levels. Remember: The last time anyone of us ate something was at dinner yesterday and we have a night without sleep as an additional handicap.’

James did not like sitting still at a time like this, but he had to agree that Sirius had a point. The line between being brave and being foolish was a very thin one and they were already edging into foolish territory be even going to Hogsmeade. So, he hastily grabbed a steak as well and started eating at high-speed.

‘You are going to choke,’ said Peter warningly and after pausing for a second, James obediently slowed down.

‘Thanks for the heads-up, mum,’ he said after swallowing. ‘I can eat fine on my own.’

‘Apparently not,’ said Peter with a smile on his face. ‘How are you going to get into Hogsmeade? Do you want to use the secret corridor under the hump-backed witch?’

‘Maybe,’ said Sirius. ‘It is a bit faster than the regular way through the grounds.’

‘Yes, but we will end up in Honeydukes if we take it,’ pointed James out. ‘That is about in the middle of Hogsmeade. We will have no chance at spotting any danger on our way there and may find ourselves surrounded as soon as we arrive. I think we should take the regular way. Then we can even warn students who have not yet arrived in Hogsmeade.’

‘Yeah that’s a good point,’ said Sirius ponderously. ‘Maybe the Death Eaters will lock down the entrance to the village, though. It might be helpful to get into the village undetected.’

‘We don’t know that they will,’ said James. ‘And it is better to be locked out of the village than being stuck inside with the Death Eaters.’

‘What about the tunnel under the willow?’ asked Peter. ‘It would deliver you into the Shrieking Shack which rests on a hill. From there, you should have a good view over the village and nobody is going to expect you to arrive from that location.’

‘Hm... yes, that could work,’ said James. ‘But how do we get out of the Shack? The walls and windows are charmed, so that Remus cannot break them during the full-moon. We would have to disenchant them and put the charms back into place before the next full-moon. Otherwise, Moony could run free.’

‘I am not sure how complicated the charms are, though,’ said Sirius. ‘Dumbledore supposedly cast them himself. If we can’t break them, we would be stuck in the Shack and would have to double back all the way to Hogwarts before making a second attempt at getting to Hogsmeade.’

‘Hah, I got it,’ said James. ‘Sirius we are going to take the regular way over the grounds, but we are going to take our brooms rather than going on foot! This way, we will make it to Hogsmeade in record time. And we will have a great view of what’s going on.’

‘You are a bloody genius, Prongs,’ said Sirius. ‘That’s exactly what we will do! Can you imagine Marlene’s face when we swoop in to save the day? She is not going to believe her eyes!’

‘You should either wear the cloak or put up some disillusionment charms,’ said Peter. ‘Otherwise the Death Eaters might see you coming and try shooting you down.’

‘Good idea,’ said James. ‘But I think we are going to go with the charms. The cloak is not going to stay on during sharp manoeuvres. But I am still going to take the cloak. Just in case we have to hide more people.’

‘Right,’ said Sirius. By now, his steak was down to half of its original size. ‘Do we still have some Ever-Alerts around? I don’t know about you, but I am still knackered from last night. I am sure that a battle to the death is going to wake me up, but I would prefer to be alert before heading in nevertheless.’

‘There are still a couple left in my trunk,’ said Peter. ‘They last a lot longer now since James and you have stopped guzzling them so much.’

‘We there using them responsibly, thank you very much,’ said James. He took another bite of his steak, but found it hard to concentrate on eating. He felt jittery and on edge. His mind flashed with all kind of nightmarish things which could happen in Hogsmeade right now and he was itching to get there and try to help. On the other hand, he knew that he was putting himself in grave danger and therefore his excitement was mixed with a liberal amount of fear as well. He was brave, but he was no fool. Nevertheless, he knew that he had to act because he would never forgive himself otherwise. James glared at Rosier over at the Slytherin table, but the Death Eater lackey was too occupied with his lunch to notice it. He looked remarkably relaxed for someone harbouring such a secret. Death Eaters and there accomplishes were feverishly looked for by the Ministry. If they found out that Rosier knew about the attack in advance and did not tell anyone, he could serve a long sentence in Azkaban. However, it was very hard to proof this fact. Rosier could just say that he had just played a trick on James which miraculously had turned out to be true. It was be difficult to prove that he was lying. And hard proof would certainly be required. If someone connected Rosier with whatever could happen today, then there would be a trial. Rosier would have the best lawyer money could buy and the Wizengamot would be hesitant to sentence the son of a respectable family unless he was guilty without a doubt. James did not see that happening. He suppose he could report Rosier, but this would expose him as an enemy of the Death Eaters and most likely be a fruitless endeavour. No, he would keep his mouth shut and see if he could help directly.

‘Alright, all done,’ said Sirius as soon as his plate was clear. ‘Let’s go and see if we can catch some Death Eaters.’

‘OK,’ said James, eager to push his still half-full plate away. He was not going to be able to eat more anyway. ‘Peter, you stick to the plan. Get a teacher and tell him, but make sure no one sees you.’

‘Will do,’ said Peter. ‘Be careful, both of you.’

‘Aren’t we always?’ asked Sirius jokingly.

James grimaced at the joke. They were a lot of things, but careful certainly wasn’t one of them. Still, he followed Sirius out of the Great Hall without saying anything, his heart pounding at what they were about to do.

Chapter 26

Chapter Text

James eyes were watering fiercely by the time they had reached Hogsmeade. In their hurry to get into the air, they had only grabbed the most necessary items during their departure. Therefore, he was neither wearing his Quidditch gloves nor his protective goggles. While his regular glasses offered some protection against the billowing wind, it was still uncomfortable to fly at high speed. Furthermore, his cloak was not thick enough to protect him against the cold when flying at such a high altitude. He was itching to put a warming charm on himself, but he did not dare risk taking out his wand while flying. The risk of losing it was just too high. Sirius, who had been flying ahead of him for the whole flight, suddenly stopped in mid-air. A worse flyer than James might have crashed into him, but James brought his own broom to a neat stop beside his best mate.

‘Looks rather normal to me,’ said Sirius, gesturing down at the village. ‘Looks like Rosier was lying after all.’

James scanned the village with his eyes. From so far up, it seemed tiny, a few houses scattered around the foothills. He could see people moving on the streets, but was too far up to recognized any details. He had to agree with Sirius. Everything looked calm and peaceful. He could not see any spells flying around, nor any fires nor the dread Dark Mark. Apparently Rosier had fooled them.

‘That little git,’ said James, feeling very foolish. ‘I should have known better than to believe him. I wonder why he tricked us.’

‘He probably just wanted to see whether we would blab to the teachers,’ said Sirius. ‘Should I call Wormtail on the mirror? Maybe he has not said anything to a teacher yet.’

‘Doubtful,’ said James. ‘I saw him following Flitwick out of the great hall when we left with our brooms. He probably has already told him.’

‘Shame,’ said Sirius. ‘It galls me that a slimy snake like Rosier tricked us like that. We should pay him back, Prongs.’

‘Yeah, maybe we should. It has been ages since we pranked anyone and Rosier certainly would deserve it. Just remember: I must not be connected to any mischief. I am head-boy now.’

‘Yeah, yeah, I know,’ said Sirius dismissively. ‘What would Evans think after all? Her reputation would be ruined if people knew she was lusting after a trouble maker.’

‘She doesn’t lust after me for Merlin’s sake,’ said James.

‘Whatever you say, Prongs,’ said Sirius dismissively. ‘Hey, let’s get down there. We wanted to head to Hogsmeade anyway and now is as good a time as ever to buy that chocolate Moony wanted. That way, our trip here wasn’t wasted.’

James had no desire at all to go shopping at the moment. He was still way too much on edge to do something as mundane as shopping for sweets. Before he could tell Sirius off for even suggesting that idea, a loud bang echoed through the village.

‘What on earth was that?’ asked Sirius.

‘Looks like Rosier was not lying after all,’ said James. ‘Look down there!’

He pointed down into the village where a group of people clad all in black had just appeared. They were coming down from the moments, firing spells at whoever the encountered out on the street. Fortunately, James had yet to spot the dreaded green light of the killing curse in the mass of flying spells.

‘Bloody hell, that’s them,’ said Sirius. ‘Blimey, there are around ten of them that is more than I suspected.’

‘We have to do something,’ said James. ‘They don’t know we are here, which gives us an advantage.’

‘Yes, but we cannot defeat them on our own,’ said Sirius. ‘Swooping down there and attempting to save the day would be suicide. We need to be smart about this. As long as neither the teachers nor the aurors are here, we have to stay out of sight!’

‘It feels weird that you are telling me to be careful,’ said James.

‘I may be reckless, but I am not suicidal,’ said Sirius. ‘Come on, James, let’s touch down at the Shack. We can come up behind them and maybe score some lucky hits. We have to get out of the air. We will never be able to hit them while flying and if we just sit still in the air to aim, we will be easy targets.’

‘Right,’ said James. ‘Let’s do it. I doubt that we will come up with a better plan if we sit around here for much longer.’

As they started their descent, a green skull suddenly appeared in the sky. James felt a wave of dread at the accursed symbol. Had the Death Eaters found their first victim and had decided to celebrate their victory by painting their logo into the sky? Or were they just taunting the aurors? He cursed under his breath. What had he ever done to deserve getting sucked into this conflict? All he wanted was to finish school and play Quidditch professionally. Maybe he would finally charm Lily along the way. Was that too much to ask?

The two of them hit the ground behind the Shrieking Shack. Nobody had noticed there descent, but James supposed that most inhabitants of the village were rather preoccupied at the moment. They got off their brooms and slowly edged their way around the Shack to get a look at the village. It was not a pretty sight. The Death Eaters seemed to have been busy during their descent: The village was in chaos. James could see smoke and the reddish glow of flames as well as all kind of spells zooming through the air. Screams, bangs and curses created a cacophony which got his blood running.

‘Bloody buggering hell,’ said Sirius. ‘They really don’t f*ck around, do they? What do we do now?’

‘We stick to the plan,’ said James. ‘We try to stay out of sight and see if we can get in some lucky shots. But we must not rush into the fight! The Death Eaters are fearfully strong duellers and they don’t grant any mercy. Only attack if you must or if you are sure that you can win with a single good spell!’

‘Alright,’ said Sirius, uncharacteristically sombre. ‘In all this chaos the Disillusionment Charm should be enough to keep us out of sight. Let’s see if we can find the girls.’

They crept along the country lane, sticking to the cover of the spare houses left and right. The sounds of battle were getting louder and lounder. James thought he had heard the characteristic popping sound of apparation in the meantime, but he wasn’t sure. Were the aurors coming? It was about time, really. The Death Eaters were not going to stick around for long if they encountered firm opposition. They seemed to be here just to spread fear, not to win any battles. They caught their first glimpse of the Death Eaters, when they had reached the village proper. The Death Eaters were huddled together in a tight group, firing spells left and right as they marched to the very centre of the village. James saw several students and villagers running away from the attackers. Only a few were brave enough to fight back. A body lay on the street just in front of Sirius and him. For a moment both of them stopped in their tracks and stared at it. The body belonged to a man and lay face down on the hard cobbles of the village main street. He was far too old to be a student, as his black hair was speckled with numerous grey strands. He was rather short and thin and clad in an expensive looking robe. A wand was lying on the street next to his right hand. No one else was in sight.

‘Bloody hell,’ whispered Sirius. ‘Do you think he is dead?’

‘Either that or stunned,’ said James. ‘But I doubt they would have left his wand next to him if they had only stunned him.’

‘I am going to take a look,’ said Sirius determinedly. ‘If we turn him around, we will see if he is alive or dead. There is no blood, so if he is dead he was killed by the killing curse.’

‘Sirius, no,’ said James. He had a bad feeling about getting any closer to the body. ‘Don’t touch him!’

‘If he is still alive, we have to help him,’ Sirius pointed out and James found it hard to come up with a counterargument. Sirius was right in this regard. If that man only was stunned, they had to revive him. He may even be of help in the fight.

‘Alright, but be careful,’ said James. ‘I am going to keep an eye out for any bad surprises.’

Sirius just nodded and made his way over to the body. James let his eyes roam far and wide over their surroundings, but Sirius’s movements caught his attention again and again. His best friend prodded the man with his wand once. Nothing happened. Sirius grabbed the man by the shoulder and slowly turned him around, with his wand pointed at him just to be safe. James could not see how the man looked from his distance, but he could tell by the slump of Sirius’s shoulders that he was gone. Shaking his head, Sirius grabbed the wand of the fallen man and stood up. He walked back over to James.

‘Dead,’ he said as he had reached James again. ‘Killing Curse, no doubt about it.’

‘How do you know?’ asked James. Sirius had far more knowledge about the Dark Arts than he had.

‘You can tell from the face,’ said Sirius. ‘He looks like he was spooked to death. No signs of injury. Trademark of the Avada Kedavra.’

‘f*ck,’ said James quietly. ‘I had hoped that they would not kill on sight.’

‘They are a bunch of vicious bastards,’ said Sirius darkly. ‘Probably having a grand old time. Come on, let’s get moving.’

‘Alright, but we stay out of sight and out of trouble as much as possible,’ said James. ‘We are already outmatched if they don’t fling unforgivables around.’

Sirius just nodded and then started moving again. They crept along the main street, always staying close to the surrounding houses. They sounds of duelling grew louder and louder as they neared the core of the village. They paused as soon as they had reached the central square of the village, were the Three Broomsticks and Honeydukes were located. Taking cover behind a water barrel, they took at the look at the chaos on the square. The aurors had arrived at last. James could see about ten of them duelling with the Death Eaters who were no longer moving in a big clump, but had split up to be able to take cover. There were no students on the street, but James could see some young faces huddled behind the windows of Honeydukes. He suspected that The Three Broomsticks was packed with people as well. Hopefully, the Death Eaters had not already entered it. It only had one entrance after all. The students would be trapped if the Death Eaters choose to attack the pub. Nevertheless, the presence of the aurors was lifting his spirits. They outnumbered the Death Eaters by now and it would only be a matter of time until the dark wizards would be captured. The Death Eaters seemed to have realized that there situation was rather bleak, as they were fighting the auros with tooth and nail. Killing curses flashed around the street and James saw one of the aurors collapse. He could hear Sirius curse beside him.

‘There is no one way we are going to be of help there,’ he said. ‘We ought to stay and let the auror’s sort it out.’

Before James could say something, one of the Death Eaters raised his voice.

‘Aurors, if you don’t retreat, I am going to destroy the Three Broomsticks,’ he shouted in a rather raspy voice. ‘There are a lot of students in there. Would be a shame if something happened to them.’

‘We don’t negotiate with the likes of you,’ shouted a grizzled auror with an electric blue eye, who James recognized immediately. It was hard to forget the sight of Mad-Eye Moody.

‘You are outnumbered,’ continued Moody. ‘More aurors are bound to arrive any minute. You will surrender now or get killed! We have already erected anti-appartion wards. You are not going to get away!’

‘If you believe that we are even going to consider that then you have not been paying attention,’ cried a female Death Eater.

She underlined here fighting spirit by firing another Killing Curse which fortunately missed. The fighting resumed in earnest. James remained rooted the spot behind the water barrel. He nervously fingered his wand why trying to decide on a course of action. On the one hand, he wanted to help, but on the other hand he knew that he was not trained for that kind of fighting. Besides, the auror did not seem to need any help at all. If Moody had said the truth than reinforcements would arrive soon anyway. James wondered how these would get to the village if apparition truly was blocked. Maybe they would appear outside of the village and take a short hike. Anyway, the Death Eaters would never be able to win this fight if they got outnumbered any further. The aurors were closing in and James could see the Death Eaters becoming more and more defensive with every moment.

‘The Death Eaters are going to lose,’ whispered Sirius. ‘The aurors are doing well, Prongs, much better than I had thought. See, they managed to stun one of them.’

James looked to where Sirius was pointing and saw a Death Eaters crumpled to the ground. Another Death Eaters was trying to get closer to the fallen body, probably to wake him up again, but the volleys of spells shot by the aurors forced him to remain put. Suddenly the fallen Death Eater’s body was yanked over the ground and towards the aurors. One of the aurors, a savage looking bloke around fifty, had obviously summoned it.

‘Last chance, chaps,’ bellowed Moody. ‘You are done and you know it. Come quietly now and maybe you will avoid getting kissed.’

‘f*ck you,’ snarled the Death Eater who had spoken before. ‘I am going to show you what we can do.’

He turned around and pointed his wand at the Three Broomsticks. James did not catch the incantation he used, but the effect was clear enough. The moment the spell hit the pub, all hell broke loose. There was a deafening bang and suddenly the air was filled with dust and flying stones. James barely managed to duck as half a brick flew past him with surprising speed. It would have hit him straight in the face. James did not want to think about what that would have meant for him. He peeked out from behind the barrel again, try to see what was really going on. It was very hard to anything clearly through all this commotion. The Death Eaters seemed to be on the run. James could hear Moody shouting at the other aurors.

‘Follow them,’ he roared. ‘They must not escape! Baker, Robbins you two are going to try stabilize the pub and get the inhabitants out. Merlin’s beard this is a bloody nightmare!’

James looked at the Three Broomsticks and his heart sank. The Death Eater’s spell had blasted straight through the building. Without its support, a part of the roof had collapsed, trapping whoever was still inside in the building. The whole structure was swaying dangerously.

‘We have to help!’ he said to Sirius. ‘If the building collapses completely, everybody in there is going to get crushed. We have to dash over there and see what we can do.’

‘That is a bloody idiotic plan, Prongs,’ said Sirius, but he had a grin on his face. ‘But I agree that we have to do something! Let’s do it.’

‘I just hope that they are still alive in there,’ said James and he darted out of his hiding space and into the chaos. Sirius followed on his heels.

They rushed along the battlefield, keeping their heads low and trying to stay out of the way of the aurors. It was easier said than done. James nearly collided with a female auror and had to do a quick roll to the side to avoid the impact. Fortunately, she was too preoccupied to notice him. James knew that his luck was not going to last. The Disillusionment Charm was much easier to pierce if the person using it was moving and aurors were trained in spotting hiding trespassers. He had managed about three quarters of the distance, when someone grabbed him at the neck and held him firmly in place. James whirled around, trying to cast a spell at his attacker, but aborted his plan when he realized who had grabbed him. Mad-Eye Moody was glowering at him with his normal eye, while the electric blue one was rolling around quickly, probably still looking for the Death Eaters.

‘What do you think you are doing, boy?’ asked Moody. ‘There is a bloody battle going on here! How dare you get in the way?’

‘I am only trying to help,’ protested James. ‘There are students in the Three Broomsticks. We have to clear the rubble and see if we can get them out.’

‘You are not qualified for this kind of work and we still have to catch these Death Eaters,’ said Moody. ‘You will get out of the way and stay on the side-lines. Leave this to the professionals. And that goes for your friend too.’

Moody made a quick movement with his wand and suddenly Sirius was hurled through the air and crashed to the ground at the auror’s feet.

‘Who are you two?’ asked Moody. ‘Are there any other would-be heroes around here?’

James was confused for a moment. Moody should have recognized him by now. After all, he looked very much like his father who Moody knew very well. Also, they had briefly met a few years ago and Moody did not strike him as the type to ever forget a face. Then, James remember that he was still under the disillusionment charm. Moody probably could only see the outlines of his face.

‘I am James Potter and this is Sirius Black,’ said James, seeing no reason to lie. Moody would sniff out any false identity anyway. ‘We are only trying to help.’

‘Potter, ey?’ said Moody, taking another look at James. This time, he used both of his eyes on him. ‘Yes, I see it now. Well, seems like your old men has rubbed off on you: You seem to like danger as well. But you seem well-prepared with the Disillusionment Charms on you.’

‘We had a hunch that there was going to be trouble,’ said Sirius. ‘But we don’t have time for this! There are people caught under the rubble! We have to try to get them out.’

‘Very well, then,’ said Moody. ‘I don’t have time to babysit you. I have told you to stay away, but if you insist then I see no reason to hinder you. I am going to follow those Death Eaters, you two are going with Baker. He is going to tell you what to do. He is experienced in this kind of things.’

He pointed out Baker to James and Sirius. Baker was a tall, reedy man around thirty, with longish blonde hair and a boyish face. He was already heading towards the destroyed pub with his wand at the ready.

‘But first, we will have to take these charms off you,’ said Moody. ‘Otherwise you are going to just cause confusion. Come on now, charms off.’

James lifted the Disillusionment Charm and saw Sirius do the same.

‘Good,’ growled Moody. ‘Now off with you. I am going to have to follow these ruddy Death Eaters and I am behind already. My bloody leg is not going to be much help, I am afraid.’

He lumbered off after the Death Eaters and the rest of the auror team. Despite his words, James was surprised at the speed of Moody’s slightly lop-sided walk.

‘He is crazy, isn’t he?’ said Sirius, shaking his head and looking after the old auror. ‘Completely crazy.’

‘Maybe,’ said James. ‘But he is one of the good guys. Come on, let’s see if we can help.’

He walked over to where Baker was standing with another auror who James suspected was Robbins. Robbins was in his fifties and completely bald with a gaunt face and a sourly expression. Both of them had their wands out and were casting spells at the building. When Sirius and James arrived at the building, Robbins was the one who turned around and spotted them.

‘Get lost,’ he growled at them. ‘This is no place for children. We have stabilized the pub, but it could still collapse.’

‘We are here to help,’ said James. ‘Moody said we should talk to Baker about that.’

‘Did he now?’ said Baker, looking amused. ‘Looks like Alastor was not in the mood to argue with you. I think it is commendable that you want to help, but I see little opportunity for some school boys to help. Robbins, I am going to charm the window over there, so that people can get out. Can you take care of the one on the other side of the collapse? We are going to take care of the middle once people are out.’

Robbins grunted and stomped off. James took a more detailed look at the pub and found that Baker was right. The Death Eater’s spell hat hit the building on top of the entrance which was located in the middle of the pub. The resulting collapse had severely damaged that part of the building, but the outer areas were in much better condition. So, anyone located there had a good chance of surviving the attack unscathed. James did not want to think about what had happened to the unlucky fews who had been close to the entrance when the Death Eater attacked. Could you survive having a roof fall on your head? He was not sure. A quick shield charm or a levitation charm would certainly help, but one needed to react very quickly for this to work. He supposed it all depended on where any debris hit you. He briefly pictured what a thick log or a brick could do to an unprotected head, before pushing the though far away. He felt rather queasy for a moment before focussing back on the present. He need to be sharp if he was going to be any help at all.

By now, Baker had reached the window, which surprisingly was still intact. James could see about a dozen people through the window, who all seemed rather shocked. James could not blame them. They probably did not know that the Death Eaters had fled already. Baker waved his wand and muttered some incantation under his breath. The window as well as the bricks under it vanished, forming a rather low door. Baker waved his wand again and carefully widened and heightened the door until it was possible for two people to pass through it at the same time.

‘You there,’ he said to Sirius. ‘Go and see if Robbins needs any assistance. If he doesn’t, come back here and help get these people back to the castle. If they are only slightly injured, your matron is going to take care of them. If they are seriously injured, they will have to wait here until we can arranged a transport to St. Mungos. Did you get that?’

‘Yes,’ said Sirius and James was surprised to hear him add a ‘sir’ after a moment of consideration. He was not used to Sirius being respectful to anyone, but apparently aurors were on of the few people his best mate did not like to annoy on principle. He scurried off immediately and Baker turned to James.

‘You are going to come with me,’ said Baker. ‘We are going to take a look inside. You are only going to do what I tell you to do, alright?’

‘Alright,’ said James meekly. His heart was pounding hard in his chest. Normally, he would have taken offense at being bossed around like this, but today he did not mind at all. The circ*mstances were way too serious to consider one’s feelings.

‘Good,’ said Baker. He stuck his head through the opening and addressed the people inside, who were eyeing James and him warily.

‘Everything is alright,’ he told them. ‘The Death Eaters are gone. We are going to take care of you now. Do you know if anyone is trapped under the rubble?’

For a while nobody spoke, then a young girl piped in.

‘We are not sure,’ she said. ‘There were a bunch of people who were standing close to the entrance when the spell hit the building. We are not sure what happened to them.’

At these words, James heart sank. Had Marlene and Lily been in the pub? He had no idea about their plans for today. If anything had happened to them...no, he must not think like that!

‘Alright,’ said Baker looking rather grim, but still determined. ‘We are coming in and taking a look. As soon as we are in, I want you to get out of here. And please do it in slowly and orderly! There is no reason to rush! Take your time and take care of each other. We don’t need any more injuries.’

James saw several people nod in response. He was not sure if it was a good idea to leave the people to themselves, but he did not really care about them too much at the moment. His thoughts were at the rubble in the middle of the house. God, this was driving him crazy! Marlene and Lily could be anywhere! Maybe they had already been on their way back to the castle as the Death Eaters attacked. Or they were someplace else in the village. He needed to know that they were safe! But first he had to help here as much as could.

Baker entered the pub and James followed him. The occupants let them pass and started to shuffle out of the pub. Within a minute Baker and James were facing the rubble. It was a mess of bricks and logs which filled the entrance area of the pub completely. Thick dust was still hanging in the air, making it hard to see anything properly. James sneezed violently. How were they going to find anyone in that mess?

‘Now what?’ he asked Baker. The auror made a gesture for him to be quiet. For a moment James was confused, but then he heard it. There was a low whimpering coming from the rubble in front of them.

‘There is someone under there!’ said James. ‘We have to do something!’

‘Yes, quite right,’ said Baker, looking thoughtful. ‘I think the best course of action is to transfigure the rubble. Levitating it out is too difficult and we lack the space.’

‘Yes! That’s what we are going to do,’ said James and before Baker could stop him, he had raised his wand and cast a quick transfiguration spell. The first few meters of rubble glowed for a moment and suddenly were replaced by a cloud of feathers which drifted to the ground harmlessly. James crowed in triumph, but his joy was short-lived. More debris fell down from the roof, nearly hitting him in the head. Baker raised his own wand and cast a charm as well. A plane of steel appear of them and fitted itself neatly into the space left by the pile of rubble. More loose bricks fell down, but they were caught harmlessly by the thick steel. James gave sigh of relief.

‘What did I tell you when we got in here?’ asked Baker.

‘To only do as I am told,’ said James quietly.

‘Precisely,’ said Baker, giving him a dark look. ‘Now, let’s take a look at whoever was trapped under here. Let’s hope you did not transfigure him as well.’

The cloud of feathers was so thick it was hard to see anything. Only when Baker used a vanishing charm on them, could they see who had been trapped under the debris. James heart missed a beat when he recognized the shiny red hair of the girl, lying face down on the floor, her right leg bent at an impossible angle.

‘Lily!’ he cried, rushing to her side. ‘Are you alright?’

Baker was at her side in an instant, looking very serious. He twirled his wand in a complicated pattern while muttering under his breath. In the meantime, Lily raised her head slowly.

‘What?’ she asked, sound very weak. ‘What happened? Everything aches.’

‘Broken leg, some bruised rips and a concussion,’ muttered Baker. ‘Nothing too serious. Good. Potter, I am going to cast a few healing charms on her, but I can’t do much about that concussion. Can you get her up to the castle? Your matron should take a look at her.’

‘Yeah, sure,’ said James quickly. He had the distinct impression that Baker wanted to get rid of him after his blunder with the transfiguration. However, he did not mind. He wanted to make Lily was okay. Baker would do fine on his own.

Baker raised his wand and cast healing charms in rapid succession on Lily. Her leg mended with an audible snap which made James wince and Lily screw up her face in pain. When Baker was done, she still looked a little dazed but better than before.

‘Are you alright, Miss?’ asked Baker, gently raising Lily’s face with his hand, so he could look at her eyes properly. ‘You’ve had an accident, can you remember?’

‘Yeah,’ said Lily weakly. ‘I… I think I am alright. My head hurts and I am… confused.’

‘You have a concussion,’ said Baker. ‘You will be alright. James is going to get you to the hospital wing. Can you walk? I have healed your leg.’

‘I can try,’ said Lily and shakily got to her feet. James was ready to catch her should she fall, but she managed fine on her own.

‘Wonderful,’ said Baker. ‘Before you go: Can you remember whether anybody else was buried under the rubble with you?’

‘I don’t think so,’ said Lily screwing up her face in concentration. ‘I had been about to leave when all the trouble started, because I wanted to meet up with Marlene in the Honeydukes. Then the Death Eaters came and I remained inside, ready to curse them if they came through the door. But they never did come, did they?’

‘No, they didn’t,’ said James, relieved that Marlene had not been in the pub. ‘I am going to take you to the hospital wing, come on.’

‘James?’ asked Lily, who looked at him as though she had only noticed him just yet. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Taking care of you,’ said James quietly, as he led her out of the pub. Baker was too busy with removing the rest of the rubble to see them off.

‘Oh,’ said Lily. ‘I think I like that.’

‘That’s good to know,’ said James and despite all the horror of today, he could feel a smile taking over his face.

Chapter 27

Chapter Text

'I still can't believe that they attacked Hogsmeade of all places,' said Marlene on the evening of the same day. She took another drag of her cigarette and exhaled angrily. 'It is so close to the school and most of them even got away! They are growing bolder every day.'

James made a noncommittal noise and took a drag of his own cigarette. They were sitting on a broad windowsill on the third floor. Now, after dinner, they corridors were deserted and no one was around to tell them off for smoking in the castle. The cold autumn air was drifting in from the open window and James shivered a little as he was only wearing a shirt. He was exhausted, but jittery at the same time. He longed to just go to bed and sleep for a week, but he knew that he would never be able to fall asleep. The nicotine was not helping: He should have gotten himself some weed to smoke instead. It would calm him down at least.

'Are you alright?' asked Marlene, sounding concerned. 'You have been off all day.'

'I am fine,' said James automatically.

'Bullocks,' said Marlene. 'What's going on with you? Did something happen to you in Hogsmeade? You told me that the Death Eaters did not even realize that you were there!'

'They didn't,' said James. 'I just feel on edge and I am not even sure why. Maybe it is because of the body.'

'What body?' asked Marlene sharply.

'Sirius and I found a dead bloke in the street,' said James. 'He was killed by a killing curse. I did not think much of it back then, with all the excitement going on, but now I am not sure what to think. I have no idea who he was or why the Death Eaters killed him, but I feel like it could have been me lying there instead if I had been a little less lucky. It is not exactly an uplifting thought.'

'Oh James,' said Marlene. 'You must not think like that. You are save here in the castle! The Death Eaters are not going to get in here.'

'Yes, but what after school?' asked James. 'We will be here for another few months and then we are out in the real world. They are not going to go away, Marlene! Things are only going to get worse with every passing day! And we are going to become a part of this war whether we want it or not.'

'You don't know that,' said Marlene. 'The Ministry could catch You-Know-Who tomorrow and everything would be over. The aurors caught one of the Death Eaters, haven't they? They will probably get some valuable information out of him and will use that to catch even more of them. Things are getting better, James! I know that will be over soon. You are just tired and wound up. Things will look better tomorrow. I promise.'

Despite his much bleaker look on the future, James was soothed by her encouraging words. He had been on his feet for close to forty-eight hours by now after all. Maybe he would feel better after a full night of sleep.

'You are probably right,' said James, finishing his cigarette with a last drag and throwing the butt out of the window.

'You have not told me yet what exactly happened to you in Hogsmeade,' said Marlene. 'Sirius made some cryptic remarks about being there to help, but refused to say anything more precise. I heard that McGonagall docked you points for reckless and foolish behaviour, though. What were you up to?'

James's mood darkened at the reminder of his head-of-houses fury. He had been dragged away from the Hospital Wing shortly after arriving there with Lily by his rather irate transfiguration teacher. Apparently, Moody had already informed her about Sirius's and James's actions in Hogsmeade. Also, Flitwick must have told her that the Marauders knew that something was going to happen. She had not been pleased. She had told James that she had expected him to stay in the castle after informing the teachers and that he should know better than to rush into danger like that. She had made it very clear that she expected him to stay in line for the rest of the school year or she would be forced to take away his Head-boy badge. Furthermore, she would inform his parents about his reckless behaviour. James had not said anything to defend himself. He knew that she was not going to listen to him anyway and at the moment he found it very hard to care about something as mundane as the head-boy position.

He wondered what Moody had written her, though. Had the old auror been angry with Sirius and him for getting underfoot during the fight? Baker had probably been not too pleased with James's actions. In hindsight, James knew that he had acted impulsively and foolishly. He should have let the aurors do their job. Lily probably would have been in good hands with Baker and Marlene had never been in danger. James felt tried, cranky and a little useless. Had it been worth blowing his cover with Rosier for this? Probably not. How much about his actions in Hogsmeade was known to Rosier anyway? How would he react if he learned that James had spilled the attack plan to the teachers? Well, he would just have to see what was about to happen. He had not been too big a fan of his father's plan anyway.

Marlene waved a hand in front of his face and James suddenly realized that he still had to give her an answer.

'We got a tip-off that there was going to be trouble in Hogsmeade,' explained James. 'Nothing specific and we were not sure whether we were just getting played. Still, we decided to see if we can help and rushed to Hogsmeade. The Death Eaters appeared as we approached the village. We decided not to turn around. Instead, we put Disillusionment Charms on ourselves and darted into the fray.'

'That is probably the dumbest thing you have ever done,' said Marlene, with her mouth agape. 'You could have been killed! You should have alerted someone and left it to the authorities.'

'Oh, right, we did tell Peter to tell Flitwick,' said James, realizing that he had omitted that information. 'Still, we had to do something. Sirius and I wanted to make sure that Lily and you were safe. And I doubt that it is the dumbest thing I have ever done to be honest.'

'I don't want to know,' said Marlene. 'And you don't have to play knight in shining armour for Lily and me. We can take care of ourselves.'

'Not against Death Eaters, you can't,' snapped James. 'We just wanted to warn you and make sure that you got out of the village in one piece. We could not know that the aurors were going to be there so quickly.'

'Well, it does not matter know anyway,' said Marlene. 'We are all safe and the Death Eaters are gone. We have all been very lucky.'

'Yeah, I guess we were,' said James, though he did not feel lucky at all.

'Who tipped you off that the Death Eaters were coming?' asked Marlene.

'Rosier,' said James. 'He seems to think that there is a chance that I am going to join them. He told me to stay out of Hogsmeade today, so I would be safe. Looks like he wanted to do me a favour.’

'How on earth did he know about that and why would he ever do you a favour?' asked Marlene. James had not told her about his previous encounters with the Death Eater or his plans of appearing neutral in the conflict.

'He either is a Death Eater himself or very close with some of them,' said James.

'Rosier? I have always thought that he was all bark,' said Marlene, obviously surprised at that piece of news. 'I would have suspected Avery and Mulciber but not him. I thought he did not have the nerve.'

'I guess he is smarter when we thought,' said James. 'And he is such a smug little git about it too. Always veiling his alliance in small allusions, making sure that there is nothing tangible to tie him to Voldemort. I think he is going to be a very dangerous Death Eater as soon as he is done with school.'

'And why did he want to do you any favours?' asked Marlene. 'You are not exactly mates.'

James briefly outlined his father's plan and why Rosier had tipped him off.

'But I guess that is all water on the bridge by now,' he sighed after he was done explaining. 'Rosier is going to know that I was the one tipping off the teachers. There is no way he is going to trust us now.'

'What do you think your father is going to do now?' asked Marlene. 'I have to agree that the plan was rather smart, but I don't see it working in the long run.'

'No idea,' said James. 'But I think, I am going to see soon. McGonagall has written to my parents to let them know about my little adventure in Hogsmeade. I don't expect that they are going to be pleased.'

'Oh please,' said Marlene. 'You parents have always known that you are trouble-maker. I can't imagine them being overly upset about you trying to save people.'

'Yeah, well, it was a rather stupid idea to go to Hogsmeade in the first place,' said James grudgingly. 'But I had to do something! I can't stand sitting around while good people get murdered, just because their blood is not pure enough! But I can't really do anything, can I? The Death Eaters are way too dangerous for me to duel. I need more training if I am ever going to do something to stop them.'

'Don't be so hard on yourself,' said Marlene. 'You were only trying to help.'

'Yeah, but trying to help is not actually helping, is it?' said James, running a hand through his hair tiredly. 'I should probably shut up now, I am only bringing you down with me.'

'You should probably go to bed,' said Marlene. 'Sirius went to sleep an hour ago and he hates going to bed early. Tomorrow you will see that even a rather slapdash rescue attempt is worth something.'

'Maybe you are right,' said James. 'But there is something I must do first. I am going to pay the hospital wing a visit. I need to know that Lily is alright.'

'James, no,' said Marlene. 'Pomfrey is not going to let you visit Lily. It is nine o'clock in the evening: Visiting hours ended an hour ago! And Lily should probably rest, anyway.'

'I am going to get in there without Pomfrey even noticing me,' said James dismissively. 'But I have to hurry or Lily will be asleep when I get there.'

'She is fine, James,' said Marlene as though she was talking to a very small child. 'You delivered her straight to Pomfrey, did you not? Lily only had a concussion and I am sure that Pomfrey put her right with minutes. She is probably only keeping her for the night to make sure that she gets some rest.'

'I got her to the hospital wing and as soon as I had lowered her to a bed, Pomfrey told me to get lost so that she could work in peace,' said James darkly. 'I wanted to stay, naturally. Lily was very confused at the time and I wanted to make sure that she got proper care. But Pomfrey did not budge and before I could convince her, McGonagall showed up and asked me to accompany her to her office. I had no other choice than to leave. But I am not going to get deterred twice. I am only going to take a peek at her, maybe share a few words and then I will go to bed. It will be fine Marlene, I promise.'

'Somehow that does not calm me at all,' said Marlene. 'But I recognize a lost cause when I see one. Fine, go and get yourself in trouble. Give Lily my regards if you speak to her. And see that you are in bed soon, you look dead on your feet.'

'Sure thing,' said James. He bade her good night and made his way over to the hospital wing. Even though it was not that late yet, the corridors were deserted. James was not worried about getting discovered. He was head-boy after all and therefore allowed to walk the corridors even after curfew. Even Filch would not be able to get him into trouble for a brief trip to the hospital wing. When he got to the large door leading to Madam Pomfrey's realm, he fumbled around in his pockets for the invisibility cloak. Startled, he realized that it was not there. Then he remembered that he had left in his dorm before having a smoke with Marlene. He cursed softly under his breath. The cloak would have been very useful now. Still, he was confident that he would be able to avoid Pomfrey without it. Maybe it was for the best. He relied on the cloak way too much anyway. Following a sudden brain wave, he cast another disillusionment charm on himself. That ought to be more than enough.

Gently, he opened the door, trying not to make any sound. The hospital wing was only dimly lit. Pomfrey was nowhere to be seen, but the flicking light of candles could be seen in her office. She probably was doing some paper work. Good, then she would not get in the way. James glanced around the room, trying to see where Lily was. One of the beds was hidden behind a thin curtain. This had to be hers as the other beds was empty. James was surprised that she was the only patient in the room. Given the trouble in Hogsmeade he had expected the room to be packed. He wondered whether this was a good or a bad sign. Maybe the other injuries had been fixed very quickly or they had been too serious of Pomfrey to treat at all. At least that he had enough privacy to have a proper chat with Lily. He made his was over to the curtain and pushed it away after having removed the disillusionment charm again. Lily was awake. She looked up at him as he opened the curtain and James saw a smile take over her tired face. She looked a bit under the weather but otherwise unharmed. Her eyes were sharp and alert again and not clouded with confusion as they had been before.

'Well, if it isn't my knight in a shining armour,' she said as she spotted him. 'Does Pomfrey know you are here?'

'No, and I think it is better if we keep is that way,' said James. 'She is not going to be pleased to see me if you can believe that.'

'That's really strange given how likable you are,' said Lily, her eyes dancing merrily. 'What have you ever done to her?'

'She has the impression that I am stubborn and don't care for rules,' said James. 'Completely unfounded suspicions, naturally.'

'Naturally,' she said. 'You look horrible by the way. Are you sure you should be up and about?'

'I am not the one in the infirmary,' said James. 'How are you feeling?'

'I am fine. My head still feels a bit sore, but I am loads better than I have been,' said Lily. 'Pomfrey cleaned me up with a few spells, but she stills insists that I stay for the night. I would much rather sleep in my bed, though. I have never cared for the hospital wing.'

'We could sneak you out and get you into your own dorm,' said James. 'But Pomfrey will not be pleased.'

'I think that would be pushing it, but thanks for offering,' she said. 'How are you? My memory is a bit fuzzy, but I remember you leading me up here to the hospital wing. When did you get to Hogsmeade? I did not see you during breakfast.'

'Has no one told you what happened?' asked James. 'You remember the Death Eaters attack, though?'

'Bits and pieces of it,' said Lily. 'I was in the Three Broomsticks when it happened. Marlene and I were about to have a butterbeer, but she suddenly remember that she had to buy some sugar-quills and ran off to Honeydukes. She wanted to do it right away because she was afraid that she would forget about it again. I went inside to get us a table as I did not expect her to be away long and the pub was rather crowded. Then the Death Eaters came and almost immediately afterwards the aurors appeared as well. We stayed inside to keep out of harm’s way. I remember that I took cover behind a table close to the door, so I could get a few hexes off on any Death Eater coming into the pub. The last thing I can remember clearly is a load bang. Everything goes fuzzy afterwards.'

'That's not surprising,' said James. 'You received a rather nasty hit on the head after all. I am just glad that you are alright. When I realized that it was you who had been trapped under the rubble, I feared for the worst.'

'Yes, both of Pomfrey and McGonagall told me that I had been lucky,' said Lily. 'Funny, it does not feel like that. Is having a house collapse over your head getting lucky?'

'Probably not,' said James. 'But it could have been worse. Two people died today and I think it could have been much worse if the aurors had not reacted that quickly.'

'Or if you had not been there to save me,' said Lily, her eyes oddly bright as she looked at him. 'I remember your face. It is one of the few things I remember clearly after the collapse. You were white as a sheet. Thank you for coming for me. It was a very brave thing to do.'

'I did not save you, Lily,' said James. 'I was with an auror. He probably would have got you out fine on his own. He allowed me to come because I had insisted. In the end, I am not sure if it was a good idea for me to come at all. I transfigured most of the rubble on top of you and thereby almost got Baker and I covered with rubble as well. Fortunately, Baker saved the day and then took care of you. All I did was get you back to the castle in one piece. If you want to thank someone, you should go and track down Baker. He is a real hero. I am just a well-intention bystander who managed to get in the way. It may have been brave, but it also was terribly foolish.'

'You are overly harsh with yourself,' she said, echoing Marlene's word from earlier. James could see a bit of surprise in her eyes, but she did not seem particularly shocked by his revelation. James wondered how much she had already known about what he had done in Hogsmeade. 'Come, sit down. I'll budge over a bit. You look like you will fall asleep on your feet any moment.'

'I am fine,' said James automatically, but he set down next to her nevertheless. The bed was much softer than he remembered. He had never liked sleeping in the Hospital Wing, but today he could just picture falling asleep in this warm and comfy bed. He really should get to the dorm soon.

'Sure you are,' said Lily, eyeing him critically. 'What have you been doing that you are that tired?'

'I have been up all night,' said James. 'Only got a few hours of sleep this morning. Things like that take their toll.'

'Why have you been up all night? Do I even want to know?'

'Just Marauder stuff,' said James vaguely. 'And no, I didn't prank anybody at all. It was all harmless fun.'

'And I suppose there is no point asking you what you were actually doing?'

'None at all,' said James, smiling weakly at her. He could see that she was intrigued. She always had the rather annoying habit of sticking her nose into their affairs. It was something Snape and she had in common as much as James loathed to compare the two of them. In the past, he had been annoyed about her curiosity, but today he did not mind too much. As long as she did not pester him about it, he would be fine. 'There are some secrets you just don't share.'

'Yes, I thought as much,' said Lily. 'You know I would not tell on you, don't you? I may stick to the rules, but I am no snitch.'

'I like to think so,' said James. 'But this is not about trust. It is just not my secret to tell. But let's move on: Do you know whether visiting Hogsmeade will still be allowed after today?'

'I don't know,' said Lily. 'McGonagall visited me early today and she mentioned something about having to talk the issue through with the school governors. Naturally, people are very upset about such an attack. The Daily Prophet will already have spread the word. I think we are going to get some extra protection at least.'

'I suppose that can't hurt,' said James. He felt a wave of tiredness spread over him and in a spur of moment decision leaned backwards, so that he was lying on the bed rather than sitting on it. Lily, who was sitting, looked down at him with an amused look on her face.

'You really should get in bed,' she said. 'You look like a small boy who missed his nap.'

'There are a lot of things I should do,' said James evasively. 'And I decided that I had to see you before I want to bed. After all, I would not be much of knight in shining armour if I did not make sure that the princess actually survives my attempts to rescue you.'

'Well, that is certainly true, but I feel like you should raise your standards a bit,' said Lily with a smile on her face. 'You know, actually rescue the princess the next time you plunge yourself into danger.'

'Sounds like plan,' said James, looking up at her through half open eyes. He was not sure whether it was the dim light or his tiredness, but she appeared even more beautiful tonight than she usually was. His gaze lingered on her, unabashedly drinking in her face. She raised an eyebrow at him, but did not break eye contact. James suddenly remembered Sirius's words from this morning. His best mate had been so sure that Lily had feelings for him that James had dared to believe it himself if only for a brief moment. He had not thought about this all day. The excitement of the attack on Hogsmeade had blown Lily Evan's feelings straight from his mind. Now, however, the thought was back in full force. James wanted it to be true, but he was afraid from finding out that his thin hope was in vain. So he just lay there, starting at her.

'Do I have something on my face?' asked Lily. Despite her light comment, her eyes were dark with something James could not name. Then she licked her lips slowly and James made a decision.

'I feel like I am about to make a horrible mistake,' he said quietly. Before Lily had the chance to speak, he lifted himself up from the bed, cupped her face gently with his hands and kissed her. It was a harmless, almost chase kiss, but James felt his heart beat fast as he felt her soft lips beneath his. He expected her to push him away and to scream at him, but she did not react at all. Disheartened at her lack of enthusiasm, he pulled back, feeling as though a chunk of ice had replaced his heart. That was it. He had blown his chance again, like he had so many times in the past. Apparently, he was doomed to fail every attempt him made with Lily. He had been a fool. Why had he every listened to Sirius in the first place? What was he going to do now?

Before James could find an answer to this question, Lily sprang to life. One of her hands buried itself in the particularly untidy hair at the back of his head and with surprising strength she pulled him close again. Their mouths met again and this time it was she who led the kiss. For a moment, James was stunned, but he recovered much quicker than she had mere moments ago. He kissed her back enthusiastically, trying to savour the experience as much as he could. He slipped his tongue into her mouth and could taste the minty toothpaste she must have used not too long ago. Groaning slightly, he buried on of his hand into her lush red hair. It was even softer than he had always suspected. Far too soon in his opinion, she pulled away, her cheeks flushed prettily and her hair messed up. Feeling a bit dazed, James did not say anything. It was probably wiser to leave the talking to her. He was only going to make a fool out of himself anyway.

‘Looks like you were wrong about this mistake,’ she said loftily, after a minute of silence had trickled by.

‘Yeah, I guess so,’ said James, finding it hard to look at her at the moment. He felt triumphant, but also slightly confused. The situation seemed rather unreal to him. He was afraid that it would turn out to be a dream any moment. ‘What do we do know?’

‘We go to sleep,’ said Lily firmly. ‘You look dead on your feet and I am tired as well. We will deal with this tomorrow.’

‘Alright,’ said James, starting to get up. ‘I will go back to the dormitory then. Will I see you at breakfast tomorrow?’

‘Yes, if Pomfrey lets me out on time,’ said Lily.

‘Good night, Lily,’ said James, giving her a soft kiss on the lips.

‘Good night, James,’ she said, after he had pulled away. She was blushing again. James found it endearing how easily she was flustered. Silently, he crept out of the hospital wing and made his way up to his dorm. His friends had already gone to bed, so he could get ready to bed without being interrogated about his whereabouts. When he finally went to bed, he fell asleep with a grin on his face.

Chapter 28

Chapter Text

When James woke up on the next morning, his kiss with Lily seemed like the fleeting remains of a very pleasant dream. For a moment, the routine of a Sunday morning in the dormitory pushed away the thoughts of his favourite redhead. James had slept in and the sounds of his other mates had raised him from this slumber. Rushing to get into the bathroom, he had no thought to spare for Lily. Only when he was groomed and ready to face the day, did the feeling of her lips beneath his return to the front of his mind. He felt a huge grin take over his face. He had only just left the bathroom, when his unusually chipper mood was noticed by Remus.

'You seem very happy this morning,' he said. James noticed that Remus looked already much better than he had before the full moon. He looked less tired and his eyes were no longer feverish. Also, he no longer moved gingerly as the pangs of pain which heralded the dreaded transformation were gone. 'Seems like a good night's sleep was exactly what you needed.'

'And thank god for that,' said Sirius, who was lounging on his bed, skimming through a Muggle motorbike magazine. 'You were such a wet blanket yesterday! I am glad you got over all the mess yesterday.'

'What mess?' asked James, who was still thinking about Lily.

'Hogsmeade of course,' cried Sirius. 'You know, the small Death Eater attack? The one you were frustrated about because you were not as helpful to the aurors as you thought you were going to be? The one where we saw dead bodies? Does that ring any bells?'

'Oh, yeah of course,' said James. Of course he had not forgotten about it and he doubted that he ever would. However, he now had something better to think about rather than beating himself up over things which he could not change. The whole world seemed a bit brighter and pleasant today. As if just kissing Lily Evans had somehow made it alright that Death Eaters were loose in the country. James knew that he was being ridiculous, but he still enjoyed the feeling. Uplifting news were so rare these days that he would be foolish not to enjoy it. 'Well, I have decided to move on and to try not to trouble myself with it anymore. Besides, there are other things going on now. Much better things.'

'Like what?' asked Sirius.

'Like me finally kissing Lily bloody Evans,' said James with a radiant grin on his face. He could not hold off spilling the beans any longer. He wanted to get out there and shout it from the rooftops.

There was an explosion of noise following his explanation and James found himself surrounded by his fellow Marauders who all fired rapid questions at him. When James finally had the chance to get a word in, he briefly told them about his late night visit to the Hospital Wing yesterday.

'I told you,' cried Sirius, when James was done. 'I bloody told you that Evans wanted you! Didn't I, Moony? Didn't I?'

'You sure did,' said Remus bemused. 'To be honest I was rather sceptical about it, but it seems that you do in fact know something about witches, Padfoot. Congratulations, James, I am very happy for you!'

'Congratulations, Prongs,' squeaked Peter. 'I suppose you are going to hang some banners in the castle to spread the word?'

'Sadly not, Wormtail,' said James. 'As much as I want to let everyone know that I finally snagged Evans, I don't think she would appreciate me making a big deal about it. She does not like standing in the spotlight after all. I think I am going to wait and talk things over with her, before doing any announcing. I think she will want to keep things quiet. So, I will have to ask the three of you to keep your mouth shut. No grand gestures, no offhanded comments, alright?'

His friends agreed, even though Sirius bemoaned the loss of a chance to wind Lily up.

'You have to promise me, Prongs, that you will still have time for us,' he said. 'Don't forget your friends, just because you finally got access to the inside of Evan's knickers! I swear to Merlin if you become one of those lovesick sods who spent their days attached to the hips of their woman, I am going to prank Evans and you so hard, you will regret ever setting foot in this school!'

'Relax, Padfoot,' said James, rolling his eyes. 'There is no need to show your abandonment issues. Everything is going to be fine. I had girlfriends before. Remember Amber? You were perfectly fine with me spending time with her.'

'Yes, but she was not such a stick in the mud as Evans is,' said Sirius. 'If you are not careful, she is going to make you even more respectable than you already are! And how can the leader of the Marauders be respectable?'

'You are being overly dramatic, Sirius,' said James, rolling his eyes. 'I am not going to change, I promise. Now, come on, we have to get to breakfast.'

Sirius grumbled a bit at the dismissal of his concerns but the prospect of food was too tempting for him to remain in the dorm or protest more. James was not overly worried about his best mate’s lack of approval of his new girlfriend. Sirius was going to get used to Lily after a while. Granted, the two of them had never gotten along, but they also hardly knew each other. If they only made an effort, James was sure that they could get along. After all, Remus and Lily were friends already and Peter's heart was not going to be difficult to win. James doubted that his chubby friend had the courage to be mean to Lily. James was determined to balance both his fresh relationship with Lily as well as his friendship with the Marauders. He was confident that he would manage it. After all, he had become an animagus at age fifteen and having a relationship with Lily was bound to be easier than that.

When they entered the great hall, the girls were already eating breakfast. James was pleased that Lily was located at the edge of their little group and had an empty seat beside her. He slid into it and greeted the girls. He resisted the temptation of kissing Lily. After all, he did not know whether she had already told Marlene, Mary and Alice about last night's developments.

'Well, you look much better, than you did last night,' said Marlene as she reached for some scrambled eggs. 'Did you sleep well?'

'Very well, thank you,' said James. 'I think it was the best sleep I had in a while.'

'Is that so?' asked Lily, looking up from the Daily Prophet she was reading and looking at him. 'Why do you think that is?'

'Why, because of my pleasant visit to the hospital wing, of course,' said James with a big grin. He could not resist the chance of flirting with her and he did not care if he gave anything away by doing it. However, he doubted that anyone would take notice. After all, it hardly was uncommon for him to flirt with Lily.

'So you did manage to get to the hospital wing without getting caught then,' said Marlene. 'That's good, I think Pomfrey would have skinned you alive if she had caught you. She was a little on edge yesterday.'

'You sneaked into the hospital wing last night to bugger Lily?' asked Alice, frowning slightly. 'She needed rest, James! You really should not have disturbed her.'

'It was fine, Alice,' said Lily. 'James only wanted to see if I was alright. I told you that he helped get me out of the rubble in Hogsmeade.'

'I am still not seeing the reason for his happiness,' said Mary, looking rather confused. 'What did the two of you do in the Hospital Wing that James had such pleasant dreams tonight?'

'We just enjoyed each other's company that is all,' said Lily loftily. For a moment, James a bit hurt about the blatant dismissal of the kiss they had shared yesterday, but he was mollified a moment later, when Lily grasped his left hand under the table. Apparently, she was only uncomfortable with telling her friends just yet. Maybe he should have spoken to her first, before telling the Marauders, but he doubted that he would have been able to contain his happiness. Well, what's done is done. There was no point in agonizing about it.

'Of that I have no doubt,' said Sirius, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. 'Never would have pictured you as such a kinky bird, Evans. Did the possibility of Pomfrey walking in on the two of you excite you? As far as I know, James does not particularly care for it.'

James kicked him under the table. That hardly was what he had in mind when he told Sirius to behave himself. Still, it was not uncommon for his best made to made lewd comments, especially when talking to Lily. Their little secret was still save.

'Get your mind out of the gutter, Black,' said Lily. 'I don't want to know how you gained such insight into James's preferences in bed, but I can tell you that I value my privacy. And I have never shagged James, as you should know.'

'That's disappointing,' said Sirius. 'I was so sure that something must have happened, because James's mood was way too good this morning. Well, I suppose that boring head-students like the two of you probably did some homework together and then called it a day. Fortunately, some students know how to have a good time.'

'You were not particularly interested in having fun last night,' pointed Marlene out. 'In fact, you were downright cranky, moaning about what lack of sleep would do to your beauty. Rather than spending a free evening with my boyfriend, all I could do was smoke a quick cigarette with James, before he buggered off as well.'

'Nice to know that I am only second-best,' grumbled James. 'I was your friend way before that tosser got into your knickers.'

'Yes, and you will always have a special place in my heart,' said Marlene, blowing him a kiss. 'Still, sometimes a girl wants to spend time with her boyfriend rather than with her best friend. And sadly, said boyfriend was more worried about his beauty sleep than about my loneliness.'

'Don't worry, Marlene, I will make it up to you,' said Sirius. 'It is Sunday after all, so we have all the time in the world. How about we make a quick detour into a nice broom cupboard after breakfast? That is bound to make you feel better.'

'What a charming offer,' said Marlene. 'But I promised Mary that we will do the Charms essay together after breakfast. I will catch up with you later.'

'Speaking of things to do,' said Lily. 'James, we have to talk about some head-business. Let's take a walk after we are done and talk it trough.'

'Alright,' said James, his heart beating a little faster. He was not aware of any head-business they currently had to take care off. Unless he was very much mistaken, Lily was making up an excuse to talk to him on his own. Well, he was more than looking forward to that! Maybe they could even pick up where they had stopped yesterday. Kissing her had only increased his appetite for her rather than stating the hunger which had lingered in him for years. 'Let me just finish my eggs first.'

He could see Sirius smiling widely at him. Apparently, he had understood Lily's true intention as well. Fortunately, his best friend refrained from making any more lewd comment.

'Is there anything in there about the attack yesterday?' asked Remus, pointing at the newspaper Lily was still skimming.

'It's front page news,' said Lily, holding up the paper so that they could see it properly. 'Mayhem in Hogsmeade' read the headline in huge, bold letters. A picture of the Dark Mark floating in the sky over the village was placed beneath the head-line. James felt his stomach sink at the sight. 'I have read the coverage so far. They only caught one Death Eater, the others got away. One auror and a villager are dead. Twenty people were injured and four are still in St. Mungos. The Ministry has announced that they were going to station aurors in Hogsmeade and Hogwarts to increase the security of the Hogwarts students.'

'That is probably for the best,' said Remus. 'Parents will be worried sick about their children. The Ministry has to do something to make people feel safe again.'

'Exactly,' said Marlene. 'Hogwarts is regarded as one of the safest places in the Wizarding World after all. If the Death Eaters are able to get near it or even into it, everybody will be able to see how powerful they have become. Naturally, the Ministry wants to prevent this at all costs as it would show how little success they had had fighting the Death Eaters. Then they are done, we will probably have a whole crowd of aurors protecting the school.'

'They should station the aurors somewhere where they actually can do something meaningful,' said James, between bites of his scrambled eggs. 'Hogwarts does not need any more protection. We have got Dumbledore to protect us after all and he is the only one Voldemort has ever feared. They should use the manpower to hunt the Death Eaters or to protect the ordinary people. If that means that we can longer go to Hogsmeade, I am fine with it. It is a very small price to pay after all.'

'I am still hopeful that they will get something useful out of the captured Death Eater,' said Sirius. 'If they question him thoroughly enough, he might be able to tell us where his bloody master is. The Death Eaters are so dependent on their Dark Lord that they will scatter as soon as he is out of the picture. I bet you anything that if he ever gets caught, even the most devoted Death Eaters will pretend that they were forced into his service. I only hope that the Ministry will not be dumb enough to believe them when that happens.'

'Yes, that could be the lucky punch we are waiting for,' said Lily. 'But do you really think that it will be that easy? I mean, all this hatred for Muggleborns did not just appear out of nowhere just because Voldemort showed up. And it will not disappear when he is out of the picture. Look at Grindelwald for example. Voldemort and he had similar ideas and it took only a few decades for one Dark Lord to follow the next one. So, why should not one of the Death Eaters become the next Dark Lord if the Ministry ever catches Voldemort?'

'I agree,' said Remus. 'If we look at wizarding history, we learn that for centuries wizards have argued about how to deal with Muggles and Muggleborns. When the Statute of Secrecy was passed, some wizards argued for declaring war on the Muggles. They were overruled, of course, but the idea of a world ruled by wizards did not die with the establishment of the statute. Voldemort is just rehashing an old idea and it is quite possible that after he is defeated, a new Dark Lord will pick up the pieces.'

'I don't think that a successor for Voldemort will appear that quickly,' said James after swallowing a mouthful of eggs. 'I think that most Death Eaters just lack the necessary skill. Look at idiots like Avery and Mucliber. Granted, they are cruel and violent, but they lack the brains to lead anyone yet alone evade the Ministry for any longer period of time. Voldemort is only that dangerous, because he is a powerful and intelligent wizard who decided one day that he really hated Muggleborns and Muggles. He is sort of like a dark Dumbledore. There are not that many wizards who reach that level of power. In fact, they are only a few in each generation. So, if the Ministry ever manages to neutralize Voldemort, we probably will have some time to breathe, before the next grand wizard gets corrupted by the Dark Arts.'

'That's one way to put it,' said Sirius. 'And I agree about the average skills of the Death Eaters. My cousin Bellatrix has gone at joined the Death Eaters after all.'

'She has?' said Lily, surprised. 'I knew that she is a nasty person, but I did not think that she would go that far. Hang on, how do you even know that? I doubt that she would write you a letter containing that information.'

'My dear brother mentioned it,' said Sirius. 'He likes to point out how much of a failure of a son I am. He thinks Bella has the right idea in how to behave. Bloody fool. If he does not wake up soon, he is going to join up as well. But, I am getting side-tracked here. My point is that while Bella is a good dueller, she is also completely insane and hardly able to control herself. If the other Death Eaters are like her, they will be hard pressed to organize anything at all without their master shepherding them around. We just have to cut off the head of the snake and we are going to be fine. Sadly, said head is nowhere to be found and is going to put up quite a fight if anyone stumbles over him.’

'Sirius that is horrible,' said Marlene. 'I am sure Regulus will come to his senses at one point or the other.'

'We will see,' said Sirius, trying to sound casual about this, but James could see the tension in his best mate's shoulders. Regulus was a sore topic for Sirius. James knew that Sirius blamed himself for his brother's fascination with blood purity. James was sure that Sirius was blameless, there was nothing he could have done to counter their parent's destructive influence over his younger brother. If Regulus had been sorted into a different house than Slytherin, he might have had a chance, but in his current circle of friends he would only get encouraged on following the path laid out by the Dark Lord.

'Let's talk about something else,' said Mary. 'Alice, there have been rumours floating around that you and Frank have been spending a lot of time alone together. Do you have anything to share with us on the subject?'

'What?' said Alice, looking rather startled. 'No, there is nothing going on between us. We are just friends.'

'Friends who spend a lot of time locked in broom cupboards then?' asked Mary innocently, causing Alice to blush scarlet.

James tuned out Alice's protests and Mary's continuous interrogation attempts. He was not overly interested in Frank's and Alice's dancing around each other. However, her insistence that nothing was going on reminded him of himself and Lily. They had been just friends for quite a while as well, what in retrospective seemed like fooling each other. He just hoped that things would be alright between them now. He focused on clearing his plate, so he could have that overdue talk with Lily. The moment he was done, Lily took his hand and dragged him up from his seat. She made a few vague comments about their necessary head-duties, before leading James out of the great hall.

'We need somewhere to talk privately,' she muttered under her breath.

'How about a nice broom cupboard?' suggest James, innocently. Lily glared at him and then spotted a nearby empty class room. She ushered him in and locked the door behind them. Then, she cast a silencing charm as well.

'Good thinking, Lily,' said James. 'This has much more room than a broom cupboard. We are going to be much more comfortable here.'

'I have not dragged you here to snog you,' said Lily heatedly. 'You have told Black, haven't you? About our kiss?'

'Of course, I did,' said James. 'All the other Marauders know about it. I had to tell someone or I think I might have exploded.'

'Brilliant,' said Lily in an exasperated tone. 'Just brilliant. Why don't you tell the whole castle while you are at it?'

'I haven't told anyone except Peter, Remus and Sirius,' said James. 'And I have asked them not to tell anyone else. That's hardly the whole castle.'

'And you expect them to keep their mouths shut?' asked Lily. 'After Black's needling at breakfast, I am convinced that he is going to blab to someone.'

'We are very good at keeping each other's secrets,' said James firmly. 'And Sirius is the last one I would ever suspect of betraying a secret.'

James remembered the promise Sirius has given him in the Hogwarts kitchen all these months ago. His best friend had learned his lesson. He was never going to betray James again.

'Then why did he try to wheedle the truth out of me at breakfast?' asked Lily. 'All those witty allusions were done on purpose. He wanted someone to find out that we had kissed.'

'He was trying to wind you up,' said James. 'I gave him a few kicks under the table, but he can be very stubborn. And he likes to annoy you for some reason.'

'Something the two of you have in common then,' snapped Lily, but James could see that her anger was slowly ebbing away. 'I bet half of the pranks you were involved in, had the sole purpose to drive me up the wall.'

'Not only,' said James. 'That just was a pleasant side effect. And believe me our reasons for annoying you are complete different.'

Lily looked at him quizzically, but before she could say anything, James pressed on.

'So, I assume you want to keep it a secret that we are dating?' asked James.

'Are we dating now?'

'Do you have the habit of kissing people you don't date?' asked James, raising an eyebrow. She flushed slightly.

'You know what I mean,' she said. 'You have not even asked me out.'

James close the distance between them and put his arms around her waist. She looked up at him with her beautiful green eyes and James felt his heart flutter in his chest. 'That is easily rectified. I have more than enough practice after all. Lily, do you want to go out with me?'

'Yes,' she whispered after a short pause, which seemed like an eternity for James.

He smiled broadly and bent down to capture her lips in a searing kiss. She kissed him back with equal hunger. Just as he had gotten used to the thought of a nice, drawn-out snogging session, she pushed him away.

'We still have some things to discuss,' she said breathlessly. 'And I am still slightly mad at you because you told your good-for-nothing friends.'

'I thought you liked Remus,' said James, grinning slightly.

'You know what I am saying,' she said, rolling her eyes. 'And put Black on the leash. I don't want to deal with his antics every time I eat something in the great hall.'

'I will speak with him,' said James, though he was quite sure that Sirius was not going to listen to him. True to his animagus form, Sirius could be like a dog with a bone as soon as he made up his mind. When he was set on annoying Lily, there was little James could do short of hexing his friend. Still, it was worth a shot. 'So, what do you want to talk about?'

'I don't want people to know about us,' she rushed out.

'Why not?' asked James. 'I don't mind everybody knowing.'

In fact, the thought of telling the whole school that he had finally gotten the girl he had been pining about for so long was almost overwhelming. Fortunately, James was smart enough not to tell her that particular desire. He doubted that she would appreciate the possessive behaviour.

'I am not surprise,' said Lily, smiling slightly. 'It is just... I don't want everybody to gossip about us. Can you imagine what an uproar the news that we are dating will create in the castle? Not only are we head-girl and head-boy, but we have this history of being at each other's throat for years! It is going to be nightmare!'

'Let them gossip,' said James dismissively. 'Who cares what rumours some bored girls are telling each other? We know that it is all rubbish anyway.'

'Easy for you to say,' said Lily. 'I have a feeling that there will be a lot of unhappy witches when the news spreads that you are no longer a bachelor. And I doubt that they will be overly impressed with me. And there is the face that you are pure-blood and I am a Muggleborn.'

'You know that I don't care about this,' said James.

'I know you don't, but other people do,' she pointed out. 'And we are both going to face retribution if words get out that we are dating. People will call you a blood traitor and accuse me of corrupting you!'

'That's probably true,' said James grudgingly. He could vividly picture the reaction of blood purists like Mulciber or Rosier. To them, a blood traitor was worse than a Muggleborn by far. They certainly would not approve of him dating Lily. James did not care about their opinion of him, especially now his father's plan at appearing neutral was in his death throes. He could deal with some nasty words and a few glares. But if it bothered Lily that much, he assumed that it was fine to keep things to themselves at first.

'So, let's just avoid all the nasty side-effect and keep it a secret,' pleaded Lily. 'It will not be for long, I promise. I just need some time to get used to it. It is a big step after all.'

'Fine,' said James. 'I guess sneaking around makes it more fun anyway. It adds a certain thrill, don't you think?'

'No, I don't,' said Lily, rolling her eyes. 'I thought Black said that you don't get off at the possibility of getting caught? Was he wrong or are you expanding your tastes?'

James laughed.

'You will know about my tastes soon enough, Lily,' he said, capturing her lips again. He could see her shivering slightly at his touch and pulled her even closer. That was far more enjoyable than talking after all. She only allowed him a few kisses before pushing him away.

'James, we can't,' said Lily. 'People think that we are only doing some head-business. If we are gone for an hour and show up all dishevelled, people will know.'

'I am not worried about that,' said James. 'My hair is naturally dishevelled.'

'Well, mine isn't,' she said and extracted herself out of his arms. 'Come on, we probably should get back.'

'Alright, but I am going to drag you into an empty classroom when we are patrolling tonight,' grumbled James.

'I will be looking forward to it then,' said Lily with a huge grin on her face. 'Come on.'

James followed her back to the Gryffindor common room with a huge smile etched on his face. Live was wonderful after all.

Chapter 29

Chapter Text

'Too slow, Padfoot,' yelled James as he swerved on his broom to avoid his friend's attempt at blocking him. He soared towards the hoops and threw the Quaffel neatly through the centre one. 'Hah, 80 to 20! Didn't I tell you that you had no chance to beat me, you mangy mutt?'

'Yes, you are bloody star-chaser,' said Sirius, rolling his eyes. 'But I have decided that we need to switch this up to find out who of us is better at Quidditch. You are a chaser after all, so it's no wonder that you are better than me at handling the Quaffel. Naturally, I am a much better beater than you are. We have to choose neutral ground to get a proper result.'

'So, you want one of us to play keeper and the other to do penalty shots?' asked James. 'Then we could see who lets on more of them. It's fine with me, I am going to trash you anyway.'

'Too complicated,' said Sirius. 'Let's just get one of the practice Snitches and see who catches it first. You should be happy to try that, you used to play seeker after all.'

'That was five years ago,' said James. 'And I was on the bloody reserve team to boot. I only got to play a match because Connor got himself into detention. Bloody fool. Everybody knows that you don't prank anyone close to an upcoming match. I switched to being a chaser in third year, so my experience as seeker is negligible.'

'Are you backing out?' asked Sirius. 'Afraid that I will best you after all?'

'No way, you are on,' said James. 'Get the Snitch out of the box, will you? We give it a minute to scatter and then we will see who gets if first.'

'Better prepare for getting disappointed,' said Sirius as he sped off towards the crate of Quidditch balls lying on the ground below.

James just rolled his eyes. He really should be inside and work on his upcoming and rather nasty potion essay, but this was more important. It was all Marlene's fault, really. She had made an offhanded comment about James being the best Quidditch player in their year and had thereby set Sirius off. He had obviously expected her to pick him as the best player as she was his girlfriend after all. Being the rather dramatic person he was, he had immediately challenged James to a one on one match to see who of them was the better player. Naturally, James had had no choice but to accept the challenge outright. Remus had rolled his eyes at their antics, but had refrained from commenting on it. Lily on the other hand, had told James that he was being silly and should do his homework rather than goofing off with Sirius. James had ignored her of course, much to her annoyance. She had not pressed the issue too much as they were still keeping their relationship under wraps and it would have been overly suspicious if she had been too pushy. James grinned at the thought. The last month dating her had been wonderful. James knew that it was still way too early to see if their relationship was going to be successful in the long run, but he was glowingly optimistic nevertheless. He just wished that they did not have to sneak off just to spend time with each other. He was having "head duties" so often these days that the excuse was becoming unbelievable. Marlene had just commented yesterday that they seemed to increase the number of their meetings every day and had asked them what they were working on. Fortunately, Lily was used to boring everyone to tears within minutes when she talked about head duties, so she had been able to deflect the question with ease. Still, James supposed that they should try to think of something else in the future. It was a relief that he had told the other Marauders, because James doubted that he would be able suppress the elated look on his face when he returned to the dormitory after a long round of "patrolling" with Lily. His friends had stopped commenting on it after a week or so and currently only Sirius was sometimes teasing him for his delirious happiness. He was so used to Sirius ribbing him about Lily that he hardly noticed the barbs anymore.

When Sirius returned with the Snitch, James felt a familiar jolt of excitement. It had been a long time since he had hunted for the elusive golden ball and he was eager to test just how well he could still do it. Granted, he had played around with his trusty stolen Snitch almost every week since fifth year, but that hardly was the same as hunting for it on a broom. Still, he was not overly worried about Sirius beating him. James made the necessary arrangements and then let the Snitch flutter away. Sirius and he waited for a minute before kicking off and starting the search for the little ball. James was not surprised that Sirius started tailing him almost immediately.

'Search for yourself, you lazy mutt,' James bellowed at him, but Sirius just smiled in response. James suppressed the desire to do elaborate manoeuvres to shake him off. It would only give him a few minutes respite at best and that would do him no good unless the Snitch would reveal itself just in time. No, he was going to ignore him for now and only try to outfly Sirius when he had spotted the Snitch.

To his surprise, the golden ball showed itself only a few minutes after the beginning of their game. James spotted it close to the opposite goal hoop, glinting in a singular ray of sunlight which broke through the early November sky. He sped up, but Sirius had seen the Snitch as well and sped after him. However, James had the slightly faster broom and was at least ten kilos lighter. The distance between them grew and James was sure that he was going to win in just a few seconds. Sirius had other plans. Before James could get out of reach, Sirius rammed the end of his friends broom with his own. Both their brooms spiralled out of control briefly and by the time James had steadied his flight again, the Snitch was gone.

'You are a bloody cheat,' he shouted at Sirius.

'That kind of move happens all the time during matches,' said Sirius unapologetically. 'It may be a foul, but it is used nevertheless. Feel free to take your penalty shot, though.'

'I was going to go soft on you,' said James heatedly. 'But that does it. The gloves come off now, Padfoot. Are you sure you are ready for this?'

'Quite whining and get a move on,' said Sirius. 'Feel free to bring whatever you have, Prongsie. This should be a proper competition after all.'

Cursing under his breath, James sped off again, determined now more than ever to win. Sirius may be his best mate, but Quiddtich was more important than friendship after all. He zoomed along the playing field at top speed. To his annoyance, Sirius more or less managed to keep up with him. He was slightly slower, but if he spotted the Snitch first, James would be hard-pressed to catch up.

Suddenly, Sirius dived sharply and James followed him on instinct, frantically looking for the Snitch in the process. As the got lower and lower to ground and he had still not spotted the little gold ball, the word 'feint' blazed through his mind. Did Sirius really dare to try a Wonski Feint against him? In what was little more than a fun match? Yes, it was exactly the kind of crazy thing his friend would do. But what if he had really seen the Snitch and James had just missed it? No, that was impossible. He would have spotted it himself by now. Determined, James pulled out of the dive when they were still more than five meters from the ground. Sirius had not yet noticed his move and so James had some time to look for the Snitch unhindered. He rose again and suddenly the gleam of gold far above the ground caught his eye. He could not believe his luck: The Snitch was flying high over the centre of the pitch and Sirius was far below him. Much too far away to catch up with him. James sped off and chased after the little ball which was already on the move again. He heard Sirius shout something far below him, but his brain was too focussed to properly register the words. It did not matter anyway. There was no way Sirius would be able to catch up to him. He only had to worry about catching the Snitch and he would be fine. Unfortunately, the Snitch seemed very intent on not getting caught. It zig-zagged wildly through the air and James had to summon all of his concentration to keep up with it. Finally, he was close enough to make an attempt to catch it. He stretched out his right hand and made a grab for the ball. His first attempt missed as the Snitch chose this moment to reverse directions again. However, his second attempt was true and his fist closed about the fluttering little ball.

'YES!' he shouted, stopping in mid-air and raising his fist in victory. He looked around for Sirius and was surprised at how close he was. His advantage must have been smaller than he had thought.

'Hah, didn't I tell you that you had no chance?' he asked as soon as Sirius was close enough to understand him properly. 'But I have to admit that you have courage. Trying that feint on me was bold. I am impressed, Padfoot.'

'I had you fooled for a moment, hadn't I?' asked Sirius. 'What gave it away? I wanted to see you face once you realized that I had tricked you. You might have even crashed in to the ground.'

'Well, I looked for the Snitch and couldn't spot it anywhere,' said James. 'Then I decided that you must be bluffing, because there was no way I could keep missing the ball if you had in fact seen it.'

Sirius barked with laughter.

'You are so full of yourself, it is unbelievable,' he said, with a smile on his face. 'Oh, it is a pity that Evans is not here. Did you know that she told me yesterday about how you had matured and deflated you head? I wonder what she would say to your arrogance today.'

'It is only arrogance if it is not true,' said James dismissively. 'Do you finally admit now that I am the better Quidditch player? Or do you want to come up with yet another competition which you will lose as well?'

'No, there is no point denying it any longer,' said Sirius, grudgingly. 'You have won, fair and square and who am I not to admit defeat like a gentlemen?'

James snorted at that.

‘You are a lot of things, Padfoot, but you are not a gentleman,’ he said. ‘Anyway, I need a smoke after all this excitement. Do you want one as well?’

‘Sure,’ said Sirius. ‘But don’t have any with me. Marlene was all out, so she stole the packet I carried after lunch. You should be glad that Lily does not smoke. It is bloody annoying having to share all the time.’

James extracted his wand as well as the package of cigarettes out of his Quidditch robes.

‘You know you are hooked, when you carry your fa*gs during Quidditch,’ commented Sirius dryly.

‘Shut it,’ grumbled James good-naturedly, as he passed him a cigarette. ‘You are smoking as least as much as I am.’

‘Probably more,’ said Sirius, lighting up the fa*g with James’s wand. ‘I always smoke after a shag after all.’

‘Of course,’ said James, rolling his eyes. ‘I really don’t want to know what Marlene and you get up to. So far I have stifled my urge to hex you for dating her, but you should not tempt me too much.’

‘Speaking of shagging,’ said Sirius. ‘How’s your progress with Evans in that regards? Have you done the deed yet?’

‘Since when are you interested in my relationship with Lily?’ asked James. ‘Last time I checked, you hated the very thought of me dating her.’

‘Yes, and I still do,’ admitted Sirius. ‘But I am interested in how much of a prude she is. It would shatter my opinion of her as a stuck-up killjoy if she would let you do whatever you want to in bed.'

'You could really try to get to know her better,' said James. 'I think that is the best way to correct the image you have of her. And I am not going to tell you anything. I don't kiss and tell, after all.'

'Really? Since then?' asked Sirius. 'You have told me plenty in the past, including some stuff about Amber! Why are you shy out of a sudden? Is Evans too much of a special snow flake?'

'No, the main difference is that you either did not care about my past girlfriends or you liked them like Amber,' said James. 'You only want to learn more about Lily, so you can use it as ammunition to make fun out of her. And I am not going to help you with that, sorry mate.'

'Ah, you know me so well,' said Sirius. 'Fine, just keep it to yourself then. However, my instinct tells me that you did not go all the way with her yet. I think your happiness would be enough to intoxicate the whole school otherwise. You have been happy as of late, but not that happy. And I am quite sure that Evans will not be an easy bird to shag. According to Marlene, she is still a virgin and virgins are notoriously hard to crack after all.'

'So, you and Marlene have been talking about what Lily and I get up to in bed, then?' asked James, rather surprised at that revelation. 'I am a bit surprised that Marlene talks about Lily's virginity to you. She must know that Lily would not appreciate you of all people knowing about her chastity.'

'Well, I have Marlene wrapped around my little finger mate,' said Sirius, grinning wolfishly. He took another drag of his cigarette and blew out the smoke in a neat ring. 'Marlene likes to talk, as you know, so it was not too difficult to get it out of her. Nevertheless, I think it is good news for you. That means that Snape never got his slimy fingers on her. I was worried about that. They had been so close in the past that I have always wondered whether Evans ever let him have his way with her. I mean, it is obvious that Snape wants her after all.'

'It really is,' said James, grimacing. 'Well, to anyone other than her, apparently. I made some gentle probing comments about him a few weeks ago, as he has been glowering at me even more than usual. I think he is suspecting that we are dating. Anyway, she told me that she Snape only was a former friend and that whatever grudge he was currently harbouring was only because he does not like me and not because of any jealousy.'

'She is delusional if she really believes that,' said Sirius, shaking his head. 'Snape was not as obvious in his advances as you were, mate, but everyone with a functioning brain, can see that one of the reason Snape hates you is because he wants to keep Evans for himself. Do you really think that she is telling the truth about this? Maybe she just wants to hide the fact that she hooked up with Snape, because she knows that you will go ballistic about it.'

'I doubt it,' said James. 'Lily is not a very good liar and I am quite sure that she is a virgin.'

'Quite sure?' asked Sirius, raising one eyebrow. 'You know that there are ways to tell if she isn't, don't you?'

'Yes, I know,' said James. 'How could I not with virginity being that important in pure-blood arranged marriages? But I don't know the spells and I don't think that she would appreciate me casting them on her.'

'Well, you can still just shag her and see if she bleeds,' said Sirius, crudely.

'You are very helpful, today, Padfoot,' said James, rolling his eyes. 'And watch how you talk about my girl. I may have to defend her honour if you keep it up.'

'Alright, don't get you knickers in a twist,' said Sirius. 'Just remember that there is a difference between girls you shag and girls you date. I have no problem with shagging a slag like Rosie O’Donnell, but I would never ever date her. I know that you are serious about Lily, so you should make sure that the goods match the advertising. Maybe Palmer got lucky before you and while that would be a lot better than Snape, it would still be a bit of flaw.'

'Palmer is a wanker, I don't think he and Lily ever got very far,' said James. 'But let's change the subject, I am not comfortable thinking about Lily's sexual history.'

'Quite understandable,' said Sirius, as though he was a therapist giving James some slack. 'She is your special girl after all.'

'I guess there is no point denying that, is there?' asked James, tossing away his cigarette butt. 'You know, I thought it was going to make things easier, but I don't think it does. In fact, I think it is even harder with Lily than with other girls.'

'How so?'

'Well, for one, I have to prevent myself from getting overly romantic,' explained James. 'I have chased her for so long that sometimes I feel like I have known her for years and that we have dated for quite a while now which obviously is not true. I am afraid of scaring her away. You know how birds get. Show them too much affection and they drop you like a hot Quaffel.'

'I have heard of that problem, but I never had it myself,' said Sirius smugly. 'After all, Sirius Black does not chase anybody.'

'Right, I had forgotten about how wonderful you are,' said James, rolling his eyes. 'So on the one hand, I have to prevent myself from moving too fast with her and on the other hand I feel like every little flaw she has is ten times as worse as it would normally be. I had pictured her as this perfect being in my head and now that I am actually getting to know her, reality cannot live up to the fiction.'

'And what flaws are this in particular?' asked Sirius. 'Don't tell me, she does not put out at all. If that is the case than I am seriously worried about your sanity, mate. You could get off with almost every bird in this castle after all.'

'It is not that,' said James, impatiently. 'For example, she is downright nosy sometimes. After the last full moon, she badgered me about why I was so tired. When I told her that we had been out, she started asking me all kind of questions about what we did. Naturally, she also berated me about how irresponsible I was sneaking around in the night, especially because I was Head-boy.'

'Sounds like her usual spiel,' said Sirius. 'And did you tell her?'

'Tell her that I am an illegal animagus that spends every full-moon with his werewolf friend? Of course I didn't! Are you mad? Do you have any idea how she would react if she learned that I have actually broken the law? She even goes ballistic over breaking school rules for Merlin's sake!'

'Good, looks like you are still sane, after all,' said Sirius, flicking away his own cigarette. 'I was worried for a second that you would be foolish enough to spill the beans to Evans.'

'You are mad,' said James, shocked at the suggestion. 'I may have a serious crush, but I am not insane! And my loyalty to Remus and the rest of you is bigger than anything I could feel for Lily! We go back for years, and I have been only dating her for a few weeks after all. And if I remember correctly, I am not the one who has trouble keeping a secret.'

'Alright, alright,' said Sirius, raising his hands in surrender. 'I was just a little worried. She is your special girl as I said. And while we are on the subject of wonder girl: Do you have any plans of making things public finally? You two have been rather subtle, but sooner or later people are going to figure out why you get along much better by now. I think all this secrecy is a bit silly. So what if it pisses offs the purists and causes some girls to cry and hate her? Annoying junior Death Eaters is always the good thing and upset girls are what I prey on. You could do something for me for once and spill the beans. Comforting all these girls because they can't have the school Quidditch star is going to keep me occupied for quite a while.'

'You are off the market, remember?' said James. 'I doubt that Marlene would appreciate it if you went chasing everything in a skirt again. Also, I doubt that any girl heart-broken about the end of my single life would numb the pain with you of all people. You are the heart-breaker after all, while I am the presentable potential cool boyfriend. That's something else entirely.'

'Yes and it means that you have to work twice as hard for everything that I get handed on a silver platter,' said Sirius smoothly. 'I never have to wait for a girl to spread her legs and here you are still without access to Evans's best parts after more than a month. If I remember correctly things went a lot faster with Amber.'

'Amber and Lily are completely different types of girls in different situations, so you cannot really compare them,' argued James, but Sirius's comment got him thinking nevertheless.

Why had things progressed so much faster with Amber than with Lily? Was it because Amber's primary goal had been to have some fun, so she could distract herself from her looming marriage? Had he acted differently with her because he had not been as emotionally involved as he was today? Maybe they had just been a better match than Lily and he. He pushed that thought away immediately. It was too painful to think. He must not glorify his past relationship, just because Amber was forever out of reach! It would do him no good and it hardly was fair to Lily. Still, there must be something there. He would have to think about it some more. Or maybe the secret was to think less and just act on impulse? A wave of frustration rose through him. He had not been that confused about girls for a very long time.

'Birds are birds,' said Sirius dismissively. 'Of course you can compare them and they are more or less all alike anyway. Think about it for a while, James. You will see that I am right.'

'You are so wise today, Padfoot,' said James sarcastically. 'Have you been spending time with Dumbledore lately? You sound just like him.'

'You may sneer, but our dear Headmaster was a Lothario just like me back in his youth,' said Sirius with a perfectly straight face. 'Oh, yes, quite the lady killer our dear Albus was. The Grey Lady told me about him. Moved through a girl a week, he did. And back then girl were not as impressionable as they are today. I am sure you that he would agree with me if he knew about our little discussion. You can ask him if you like.'

James could not contain his laughter any longer. The mere thought of asking Dumbledore about how to best get into a girl's knickers was hilarious. Sirius was making this all up, of course, but his made up story was probably a lot more entertaining than the dull reality. Finally, Sirius lost control of his facial expression and started laughing as well.

'Well, Prongs,' said Sirius, after both of them had regained their composure. 'I am going to head back up to the castle now. Marlene will be waiting for me. She says she requires some help with her Defence essay. We can probably get quite a bit of studying done before dinner if I get back now.'

'I know the kind of studying you do, Padfoot, and I doubt it will help Marlene finish her essay,' said James. 'You go ahead, I am going to do some more flying drills, before heading up to the castle. I need to stay in shape after all.'

'You are seriously mad about Quidditch,' said Sirius, shaking his head. 'You know, you should really go pro after school. Otherwise all these precious hours of training at school will be wasted.'

'Rubbish, after all my training allowed me to kick your ass a few minutes ago, ' said James.

'Yeah, well, it got to be good for something,' said Sirius. 'I will see you later, Prongs.'

Sirius grabbed his broom and went back to the castle. James got back on his broom and started his training. He had just finished working on his Sloth Grip Rolls, when he heard a voice calling his name. He looked down and spotted Evan Rosier waving at him up from the ground. A sinking feeling appeared in his stomach. He was not at all pleased to see Rosier. Since the attack on Hogsmeade, James had gone out of his way to avoid the Slytherin. He doubted that Rosier was overly pleased with him. After all, James had tried to stop the Death Eaters in Hogsmeade and had asked Peter to tell the teachers about the upcoming attack. Still, he hardly could pretend not to have seen Roisier and just ignoring him was childish at best. Fortunately, he was alone and James had his wand with him, so he was in no danger of getting hexed by the Slytherin.

James lowered himself back to the ground and got off his broom. Before he could say anything, Rosier had already started the conversation.

'You have been avoiding me Potter,' said the Slytherin, his face impressively passive.

'I have,' said James, not bothering to deny it.

'Why?' asked Rosier. 'You have nothing to fear from me.'

Haven’t I?' asked James back. 'You seem well connected to rather dangerous people and I don't want to get caught in the crossfire of your little war.'

'Then why did you tell the teachers about my warning?' asked Rosier. 'I thought you wanted to help our cause or at least stay out of our way. That behaviour is bound to get you hurt or even killed.'

'I never told a teacher about what you told me,' said James truthfully. 'I don't know who told you that I did, but they are wrong.'

'Rubbish. You were the only one I told and the teachers knew about the attack before it started,' said Rosier. 'Otherwise, they never would have been able to react that quickly. I have heard that the aurors were tipped off by one of the teachers. It must have been you, Potter.'

'Well, it wasn't,' said James flatly. 'Someone else must have leaked that information. Maybe someone overheard you telling me.'

'I don't believe you,' said Rosier. 'And I have heard rather interesting rumours as well. I have heard that you were there in Hogsmeade. I have heard that you helped that Mudblood Lily Evans out of the collapsed Three Broomsticks. What do you have to say to that, Potter?'

'You should not believe everything you hear in the rumour mill,' said James, trying to remain calm, even though his heart was beating fast. He still remembered the letter his father had written him a few days after the attack on Hogmeade. Apparently, not only had McGonagall written a stern letter about James's recklessness, but Moody had dropped by the Potter mansion as well. James was not sure what the grizzled auror had told his father, but the letter he had received was a mixed bag. On the one hand, his father had congratulated him for his courage and determination to help others, on the other hand he had called his behaviour foolish and reckless. To James's surprise, his father had told him to stick to the original plan nevertheless. He still had hoped to remain out of war. So, James had little choice but to downplay his involvement in the defence of Hogsmeade.

'It would have been incredibly foolish of me to charge into Hogsmeade and trying to play the hero,' said James. 'After all, I am hardly qualified to duel with Death Eaters even if I wanted to. What makes you think that I would be that stupid? You warned me about the attack after all.'

'You are a Gryffindor, so I expect you to do daring and stupid things,' said Rosier, but James thought he looked a little less convinced than before. 'You are right though, there are a lot of stupid rumours flying around, especially regarding you and your friends. But it does not matter anyway. I am done doing you any favours, Potter. I am not sure what you are trying to achieve and whether you are friend or foe. Until you have proven your devotion to our cause, you are not going to get any special treatment anymore. Don't expect to receive a warning the next time the Death Eaters attack.'

'Understood,' said James. 'And what exactly do you have in mind when you say I have to proof my devotion? I am not going to walk around in a mask and curse Muggles and Muggleborns!'

'You have to earn the right to be a Death Eater, Potter,' said Rosier. 'We are going to keep a close eye on you. If we are under the impression that you could be useful to the cause and we feel that you are truly interested, then we are going to give you a little task or two. If you do as you are told and are reliable, maybe then you will get invited in our ranks.'

'So, I have to do your bidding, just to get the chance to get even more tasks?' asked James. 'I fail to see how exactly this is a boon. Sounds to me that you just want a useful idiot to do your dirty work.'

It was the wrong thing to say. Rosier's face darkened and he glowered at James.

'You listen to me, you arrogant prick,' said Rosier very quietly. 'It is an honour to be a servant of the Dark Lord! No matter how small your contribution is and how hard you work, the knowledge that you are taking part in building the future of our country should be enough reward for you! If you don't understand that, then you don't belong to us and are at best a neutral bystander! It is a pity that your blood is as pure as it is, because your heritage is the only reason why we even consider letting you join us. In my opinion, it is a waste of time as no Gryffindor will ever be a true servant of the Dark Lord, but sadly that matters very little to the people in charge. So, when the time comes for you to give something back to us, you are going to smile and happily fulfil your part. Otherwise, we will consider you an enemy of our cause and will treat you accordingly. Have I made myself clear?'

'Crystal clear,' said James, trying to appear unruffled at Rosier's anger. James had not expected the usually so collected Slytherin to lose his temper like that. He must be very devoted to Voldemort indeed.

'Good,' said Rosier, apparently in a much better mood already. 'I will see you around then, Potter.'

He turned around and strode away from the castle. James watched him go and shook his head slowly. Slytherins were crazy after all.

Chapter 30

Chapter Text

'Do you see now why it was a great idea to come here?' asked James, as he pulled Lily close to him again. He felt relaxed and sated and the feeling of her warm and deliciously nude body against his was pure heaven. The warm water and thick soap bubbles added to the allure.

'Yes, but I don't think this is what the founders of the school had in mind when they came up with the idea of a prefect's bathroom,' said Lily, kissing his nose lightly. 'You have a terrible influence on me, do you know that? I never would have dreamed of such kind of debauchery before I started dating you.'

'Then your previous boyfriends were even bigger wankers than I had thought,' said James smugly. 'It is the duty of every boyfriend to corrupt his girlfriend after all.'

'I don't think that's true.'

'It is, you just have to be careful with it, so you only corrupt her for you,' said James. 'All boys want a lady on the outside and a wild cat in bed after all.'

'Oh, you are so wise, James,' said Lily rolling her eyes. 'And I need your help on that transfiguration essay. There is no way I am going to be able to finish it today without your help now. Not when I spend my time bathing with you rather than working on it.'

'You know, you should not leave your homework until the last minute,' mock-scolded James. 'A very wise Head-girl once told me how important proper organisation was to get anything done. Maybe I should teach you something about that as well. I managed to finish all my homework during the lunch break.'

'Yes, because you copied from Remus and because you had a free period in the morning,' said Lily. 'And sod off, I am very well organized. It is only because my ruffian of a boyfriend distracts me all the time that I am short on time.'

'He sounds like a terrible person,' said James, leaning it and stealing a kiss from her.

'Oh the worst,' said Lily, kissing him back. Her tongue slipped into his mouth and James fought back with his own. He felt himself stirring again. It had only been a few minutes since he had got off, but her presence was driving him wild. Probably because he still had not shagged her.

It had been two weeks since his Quidditch session and November had turned into December by now, but he had not made any progress with his ongoing quest to go all the way with Lily. Their relationship was still a secret as well which continued to chafe at James's patience as well. Just yesterday, Roger Peters, the sixth-year Hufflepuff prefect had asked Lily out during after their weekly meeting. She had turned him down, of course, but it annoyed James nevertheless. People should know that she was his and obviously she was considered free game at the moment if even Hufflepuffs dared to approach her. These dark thoughts prevented him from enjoying the feeling of her lips on his as much as was appropriate. His body reacted regardless of his feelings though and naturally Lily noticed what was happening.

'Again?' she asked with a smile on her face after she broke the kiss. One of her hands snaked down and gave him a soft squeeze. James moaned quietly. 'Do you want me to take care of you? I use my mouth. That ought to take care of this.'

'As much as I enjoy your mouth that is not what I have in mind,' said James. He lower his head and gently bit the small spot at the side of the neck that she enjoyed so much. Lily shivered with pleasure at his touch. Good, he needed her in a good mood for this to succeed. 'I want to shag you. Lily. Right here, right now. What do you think about that?'

She pulled away from his touch and looked at him with a rather closed expression on his face.

'James, we have talked about this,' she said. 'I still need some time.'

'Lily, are you a virgin?' asked James. Normally, he would not ask such a delicate question that crudely, but his patience had come to an end. He had thought long and hard about what Sirius had told him during their little Quidditch competition. His friend was right with one thing: It was about time that he had sex with Lily. James had realized that he was slipping again. If Lily were any other kind of girl, he would have ended things by now. He could just barely see Lily's reasoning for keeping their relationship a secret, but he had no idea why she refused to have sex with him. Whenever they got intimate, he seemed to enjoy herself very much, so lack of desire could not be an issue. Her being a virgin was the only explanation that made sense for James. If she wasn't, well, then she maybe got her release somewhere else. It was an ugly thought, but you had to consider it nevertheless. As Sirius liked to put it: 'You have to shag your girl or someone else will.' James did not pick Lily to be the cheating type, but it never hurt to be prepared for everything.

'Yes, I am,' said Lily, after hesitating for a while. James had expected her to tell him off for even asking the question, but she seemed to have sensed that he was not in the mood to dance around the subject. 'Are you disappointed that I am?'

'No,' said James. 'I suspected that you were, but I wasn't sure as Palmer and you were a thing for a rather long time. I thought that maybe he had made a move.'

'He tried, but he was happy with the alternatives I gave him,' said Lily, looking rather uncomfortable. 'Look, I am sorry that I am making such a big deal out of it, but I just don't feel ready. I feel like I don't have any idea what to do.'

'Just spread your legs and leave the rest to me,' said James with a grin. He pressed a small kiss on her nose and she smiled.

'I had a feeling that you might say something like that,' she said. 'Just give me some more time, please. I have guarded my virginity for so long that I don't feel ready sharing it with you yet. I think you know how I feel. You are holding back as well.'

'What am I holding back?' asked James, puzzled. 'I am more than ready to give this a go. From my point of view, we can shag straight away and then spill the beans about our relationship directly afterwards.'

'You are keeping secrets from me,' said Lily. 'You were up all night two days before and you did not stay in Gryffindor Tower. That is the second full-moon night where you have done it and you refuse to tell me what you are doing.'

'I never noticed that it was a full-moon two days ago,' lied James. He did not like where this conversation was going at all. Lily obviously suspected something, but he must not reveal that Remus was a werewolf to her. Also, she must not know that they were illegal animagi. While he trusted her in general, he was not sure that she would be comfortable knowing that her boyfriend was breaking the law. 'I normally don't plan my outings in accordance to the moon phase.'

'Don't treat me like a fool, James,' snapped Lily, moving out of his arms and putting some distance between them. 'I know that Remus is a werewolf and I am not pleased that you just happen to be gone for the night when he transforms. I am not sure what you are doing, but I am quite sure that it is foolish and overly dangerous.'

James was not sure whether she actually knew that Remus was a werewolf or if she was just doing a stab in the dark and tried to get him to confirm it. Was she cunning enough for such a strategy? In each case his arousal was gone now and he felt himself go limp again.

He decided that there was little point in keeping lying to her. After all, she could easily confirm her suspicion in numerous ways. Just passing Remus a silver Sickle when he was not paying attention was enough to do the trick after all.

'For how long did you know?' asked James.

'Sev... Snape had been suspecting it for years,' said Lily. 'During fifth year, he kept telling me that something was going on with Remus and that he must be a werewolf. I did not believe a word of it. I could not picture Dumbledore letting one inside the school and Remus is about the last person one would suspect of becoming a ferocious creature once a month. Only much later, when word spread through the castle that you had saved Snape from some creature, I started doing my own research. It was easy to see that Remus always went ill during the full moons. Also, your nickname for him rather gives away the secret, don't you think?'

'Yeah, I guess,' said James. 'We try to use it only when we are on our own, but sometimes it just slips out. Have you talked to Remus about this?'

'No, should I?'

'Probably not,' said James. 'He is just going to fret over what you think of him when you do. He is very skittish about his furry little problem.'

'Do you think he will be alright with me knowing?' asked Lily. 'I mean, sooner or later he is going to find out that I have figured him out. I don't want him to be upset or for him to treat me differently than before.'

'He will probably react a bit shocked at first and maybe distance himself for a bit,' said James. 'When we told him that we knew he offered to ask Dumbledore to let him leave the dormitory and sleep somewhere else as he expected us to be disgusted by him. I took us quite a lot of effort to convince him that we did not mind that he was a werewolf. I guess things will be much easier for you, though. Back than in first year, Remus was not used to having friends who accepted his condition after all.'

'Poor Remus,' said Lily sadly. 'He is such a sweet bloke and he has to deal with his all his life.'

'Life is not fair,' agreed James.

'But you still have not told me what you are doing on each full-moon night,' said Lily, snapping back to attention. Her gaze meet his own and James could see steely determination in them. She was not going to back down on this.

'You are right, I haven't,' said James. 'And I won't.'

'Why not?' asked Lily, looking rather hurt at his answer.

'For various reasons,' said James. 'First of all, it is not only my secret to tell. Secondly, you are better off not knowing and thirdly, I cannot risk telling you without taking certain precautions. Do me a favour and drop the issue, Lily. There is nothing to gain for you here. What we do is perfectly safe, I promise. You should not worry about it too much. Just consider it my monthly boy's night out.'

'A night out that just happens to be the one night in a month where the most sensible of you turns into a wild beast?' asked Lily sharply. 'James, I can't just let this slide! You are putting yourself in danger and breaking a least a dozen school rules! You have to stop it.'

'Never,' said James. 'We do what we do to make things easier for Remus and it is working just fine. I am not going to turn my back on one of my closest friends, just because you don't like it. Remus is the one who needs our support the most. Don't make me choose between him and you, Lily!'

'It's not like that,' protested Lily. 'I am glad that you try to help Remus, but I don't see how on earth you can do it without placing yourself in mortal danger! As much as I admire your loyalty, risking your own life like that is just foolish.'

'I am not in any danger on the full moon,' said James. 'We are not stupid enough to go any near Remus when he is a werewolf without the necessary protection. You don't have to worry about anything, Lily. And that is all I am going to say on the subject. You just have to accept that this a secret I cannot share with you. At least, not yet.'

'But you are going to tell me at some point in the future?' she asked.

'We will see,' said James mysteriously. Lily scowled at him and James just grinned in response.

'Very well then,' said Lily. 'I am going to leave you off the hook for now. But don't think I am going to keep out of this forever.'

'I never expected you to do that,' said James. The tension between them was a little more bearable now. James grabbed one of her hands under the water surface and dragged her close again. He bent down and nibbled on her ear, causing her to giggle.

'James back off, I am still angry at you,' she protested weakly, but she did not resist as James squeezed her bum with his other hand.

'And I am already hard again,' he murmured in her ear. 'You are going to let me shag you at some point, right?'

'We will see,' she answered mischievously. James groaned in response.

'Fine, I guess that is only fair,' he said, before kissing her hard on the lips. 'But you are not leaving this bath until I have gotten off. I hate getting teased like this.'

'Poor baby,' said Lily. One of her hands slid down and caressed James co*ck. He groaned in response.

'I want you to suck me off,' he rasped. 'Put your talented mouth to some use.'

'You are a real charmer, you know that?' asked Lily, but her eyes were dark with desire. 'And how do you suggest I do that while we are immersed in water? Am I supposed to do a bubble head charm before getting to work?'

'No, the charm will break as soon as you start,' said James seriously.

'And how do you know that?' she asked, startled.

'Sirius can get very talkative when he is in the mood,' said James. 'And he likes to talk about his sexual conquests. Apparently, he once talked a girl into trying this trick and it failed spectacularly.'

'I guess all these poor girls must be thrilled knowing that Sirius has shared everything he has ever done with them with you,' said Lily sarcastically. 'I just hope that he is keeping his mouth shut about Marlene.'

'Well, he has not said anything about her to me, but he knows that I will hex him if he does, so that does not really say much,' said James. 'But we are getting side-tracked again. We are going to do this the old fashioned way. I am just going to sit on the edge of the tub and you stay were you are. This way it should work nicely.'

'Somebody is impatient,' asked Lily and kissed him again. 'And what is in it for me?'

'The pleasure of making me happy,' said James with a grin on his face. 'What? That's not enough? Well, alright then, let's just say that I will return the favour afterwards. I know you are into that.'

'Alright, then,' said Lily. 'I guess that is an offer I can't refuse.'

James pecked her on the mouth, before hoisting himself out of the tub and sitting down on the edge of it. He spread his legs, giving Lily perfect access to his hard co*ck. Her mouth was on him in an instant. James groaned his pleasure and lost himself in the sensation. His frustration at her keeping her distance during the relationship and the lingering resentment about her meddling in his business vanished like smoke. The only thing that counted was the wet heat around him which wiped his mind blank.

After he had had his release and had taken care of Lily as well, the two of them were lying on a fluffy towel just outside the tub. James was lying on his back with a lit cigarette in his left hand, while Lily had rolled her body into his and had placed her head on his right shoulder. James inhaled deeply, feeling a little bit sleepy but rather pleased with himself.

'You know, you ought to try smoking sometime,' he said after blowing out the smoke. 'A cigarette feels amazing after a shag.'

'I have tried it, don't you remember?' asked Lily. 'Back in sixth year after your birthday party? We were sitting at a window sill and I stole one of your fa*gs.'

'Right,' said James, remembering now. 'You were not too fond of it back then. But on the other hand, we did not shag before smoking back then, so maybe you want to give it another try.'

'I will pass,' said Lily with a smile. 'You have corrupted me too much already, smoking is one thing I should remain stern about.'

'As you say,' said James lazily. 'But I think that I still have a lot of room for more corrupting.'

Lily was quiet for a moment after that statement. James did not say anything either, but simply enjoyed the silence. While he usually liked being in the centre of the action, he also had the need to just be alone at least once a week. Otherwise, he would be too jittery to get anything done. Flying always helped him relax. Maybe he should get dressed and head down to the pitch for some drills. It was tempting, even though he was supposed to help Lily with her transfiguration eassay. Before he could come to a decision, though, Lily raised her voice again.

'James,' she said quietly. 'There is something I have to ask you.'

'Go ahead,' said James, still looking at the ceiling.

'Are you... disappointed that I am still a virgin?'

'What?' asked James, twisting his head so he could look her in the face properly. She looked nervous, biting her lower lip and avoiding his gaze.

'Are you disappointed that I am virgin?' she repeated.

'Why should I be disappointed about that?' asked James, puzzled.

'Well, I have heard that boys like more experienced girls,' she said. 'Girls that are more... open to having sex. And you have just said that you are getting impatient, so I thought that maybe you are not satisfied with me anymore.'

'Oh, Lily,' said James gently.

'You can just tell me if you feel that way,' said Lily quickly, her voice rather choked. 'There is no need to sugar-coat the truth. I can take it.'

'Lily, I don't mind that you are a virgin,' said James. 'In fact, I rather like it. I like the fact that no one has ever had you like that before. It makes me feel rather special, to be honest. I guess I am traditional in that way.'

'What does that mean?' asked Lily.

'In the past, pure-blood witches normally waited until marriage to have sex,' said James. 'It was expected of them as there was no proper magical method to determine the father of a child. Therefore, the only way to be sure was to marry a virgin bride. Most desirable bachelors only wanted an untouched girl. Combine this with the prevalence for arranged marriages and it becomes quite understandable that most pure-blood witches remained chaste. If they wanted a good husband, they simply had to. And most parents were very watchful about this issue. It was highly uncommon to let a pure-blood witch go anywhere on her own.'

'It was similar for Muggles,' said Lily. 'People having sex without being married were shamed publically. But this has reduced a lot during the past years. After all, we have the seventies now. And as far as I know, there a quite a few pure-blood witches at Hogwarts who don't mind having sex even though they are not married.'

'And how would you know about that?' asked James, with a raised eyebrow. 'Do you have the habit of keeping taps on who shags whom? Never pictured you for a gossip monger, Lily.'

'Oh shut up,' she said lightly. 'You boys are not the only ones who talk, alright? And I saw you with Amber in the shower, remember? She did not seem to mind the fact that you were not going to marry her.'

'She didn't, but her circ*mstances were rather special,' said James. He was not particularly pleased by that subject. The wound of Amber's departure had healed steadily during the last few months, but it was still a sore spot for him. Having Lily helped a lot, but he still thought about his ex-girlfriend at least once a week. He hoped that Fawley was treating her alright. She did not deserve to be unhappy. 'You are right that things have become more relaxed in the past years. However, most pure-blood girls are still more uptight than the half-blood and Muggleborn ones. Mugglesborns especially are supposed to be easy.'

Lily snorted at that.

'Sounds like I am a terrible Muggleborn then,' she said. 'Sounds like a lot of rubbish to me. Being a slag has nothing to do with blood-status after all.'

'Maybe, maybe not,' said James. 'But nevertheless, I like the thought of being your first. Maybe it is my upbringing, maybe it is just a kink, but it is definitely there.'

He bent down and kissed her on the lips. His tongue slipped inside and he plundered her mouth hungrily. She was his. He would be the one to deflower her. He felt himself grin at the thought. It was too bad that Snape did not know that they were dating. James longed to see the Slytherin's face when he learned that piece of news. He hoped that Lily would drop her reservations of going public soon. He was getting tired of sneaking around. People should know that he had finally won the girl he had fought so hard to win over the years. James knew that he had embarrassed himself countless times during his conquest and he longed to erase that shame by showing his triumph to the whole castle. It would be glorious.

Lily sighed into his mouth and kissed him back softly. It only lasted a minute before she pushed him away.

'Well, I guess that is one of the more harmless kinks to have,' she said quietly. 'I am bit relieved to be honest. Black tends to be grossly open about his sex life and what he likes to do and Marlene is hardly discreet either. I thought that you would be more like him, but I guess that I was wrong.'

'Sirius just likes to push boundaries,' said James. 'He probably boasts about his prowess in bed, because he knows that it makes you uncomfortable. He can be a bit of a git sometimes.'

'No kidding,' said Lily. 'I just hope that he gets used to us dating soon. He has been a pain in my side even since. What is his problem anyway?'

'He gets to spend less time with me and he fears that you will corrupt me,' said James. 'Sirius is not good at sharing things, so the first one is not overly surprising.'

'How on earth should I corrupt you?' asked Lily, flabbergasted. 'It is the other way around!'

'From his point of view, corrupting means making me too responsible,' said James. 'He has grumbled about me being Head-Boy all year. You might have noticed that our pranks are fewer and much more harmless than before this year and that we try not to get caught. Sirius is not too fond of these changes. As he sees you as a rule-loving stick in the mud, he fears that your influence will finally turning me into a boring git.'

'Ridiculous,' said Lily. 'As if I had that kind of power of you. I have never met a more stubborn person in my life.'

Personally, James was quite sure that Lily had a lot of power over him. Too much power, to be honest. He had spent most of his fifth year chasing after her and only after much pining had decided to give a relationship with a different girl a go. If that was not power, nothing was. Nevertheless, he was not foolish enough to tell her that. He did not feel comfortable sharing that with her and the thought of her knowing the depth of her influence on him made him feel vulnerable.

'Well, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black,' he said instead. 'You would have gone out with me ages ago if you were any less stubborn. Just imagine how much fun we could have had if you had said yes back in fifth year. And for the record: I am not stubborn at all, merely persistent.'

Lily snorted at that.

'Of course, how could I forget that?' she said. 'Anyway, both of us know that you were not serious about wanting me back in fifth year. You were merely trying to annoy me. If I hadn't keep telling you off, you would have dropped the act in a day or two.'

Her words sent an icy pain through James's chest. She was wrong, so very wrong. Yes, it had been a dare suggested by Sirius which had made him jump into action in the first place, but his crush on her had started even earlier. It had been on Halloween in their fifth year. They had just finished with dessert during the feast and she had taken of her hat, complaining about the heat in the hall. Her hairstyle had come undone in the process and for the first time in a long time, James had seen her red hair untethered. When the light of the candles had caressed the dark red strands, it had hit him like a fist in the gut. He clearly remembered having gaped at her, before a comment by Remus had brought him back to his senses. His infatuation had stewed for a while, before he had first asked her out and it had only gotten worse when she had rejected him. While he had tried to put on a brave face with regards to these set-backs, they had always hurt him, especially because she had never taken him seriously. His feelings might have been a bit immature and overly drastic, but they had been real.

He swallowed down the sharp answer he was about to give. Opening up these old wounds would do him no good.

‘I guess we will never know,’ he said instead. ‘It does not really matter anyway. After all, you finally did realize what I catch I am.’

‘Yes, and modesty is your biggest virtue,’ said Lily with a smile on her face. She kissed him and James felt the burn of her careless comment sooth.

Things were not perfect, but he was glad he had her nevertheless.

Chapter 31

Chapter Text

'Ah, it's good to be back,' said James, flinging himself down on the couch in his living room. The Christmas holidays had begun and he was back at Potter Mansion.

'And you are sure it is alright that I stay here?' asked Remus for what felt like the hundredth time.

'Yes, for Merlin's sake,' said James, rolling his eyes. 'You know how big the house is, do you really think we need all that space? You parents are in Spain enjoying their first holiday in how knows long. You have nowhere else to go and we love having you here, so stop fretting about it.'

'I am just being polite,' said Remus.

'You are being annoying,' said James, but he grinned at his friend nevertheless. 'Honestly, I am glad that you are here. With Sirius being on vacation in France with Marlene, I feared that I had to spend all of the holidays on my own. I love my parents, but I need people my age as well.'

'I still can't believe that Marlene's parents allowed her to travel with Sirius,' said Remus. 'That hardly seems appropriate for a seventeen year-old pure-blood witch.'

'It isn't,' said James. 'But I think that Marlene's parents have given up any hope of controlling her. She has always been very stubborn after all. And Sirius can be very charming if he wants to be. He went over to her house directly after the train ride, to butter up her parents for the idea. He wrapped Mrs. Mckinnon around his little finger and that was that. At least Sirius and she have been dating for a while. That ought to make things more acceptable.'

'And Marlene is off age, so I guess there is little her parents can do anyway,' said Remus.

'Yeah, but your parents don't just lose their influence over you, just because you get older,' pointed James out. 'Especially in our circles. Marlene is fortunate that she has rather progressive parents. If she had been born a few decades earlier, she would be engaged by now and would marry a husband she did not choose directly after school.'

'That would not sit well with her,' said Remus. 'Marlene is one of the most freedom-loving people I know. I guess that is why she and Sirius get along. They are both free to do whatever they want to do.'

'I guess so, but going on holiday together seems very relationshipish to me,' said James.

'That's not a word,' said Remus.

'I know it isn't,' said James carelessly. 'Nevertheless, you know what I mean, so maybe it should be a word. Marlene and Sirius spend a lot more time together than I had expected and they have lasted for quite a while now. I think they are slowly but surely getting serious.'

'She told me on the last day of school that they still were not-dating and that she was free to do whatever she liked,' said Remus. 'She seemed rather upset that I had called Sirius her boyfriend. Nearly bit my head off, to be honest. How was I supposed to know that I shouldn't call Sirius her boyfriend, when they spent most evenings either locked in an empty classroom together or snuggled up in front of the fire?'

'Don't worry about it,' said James. 'That's just Marlene's desire to be free making itself known. Don't pay attention to what she says, pay attention to what she does. That way, you are going to see what is really going on. And from my point of view, they are heading straight to a long time relationship even if neither Sirius nor Marlene are going to admit it.'

'Good for them,' said Remus. 'Both of them are rather high maintenance, but they seem to work well together.'

'Imagine my surprise,' said James. 'I love Marlene like a sister, but you have to be very patient to put up with her as a girlfriend. She will bolt the moment you make her feel pressured. That's what killed her last relationship after all.'

'Don't tell me you are sorry about that,' said Remus. 'You hated Davies.'

'I did not hate him,' said James, causing Remus to snort. 'I didn't! I just think that he is not as good a Quidditch player as many people, including himself, think. If he would just admit that I am the better chaser, than we would get along just fine.'

'Right,' said Remus, with a cough that sounded suspiciously like stifled laughter. 'I am sure you would be best mates.'

'Well, not everybody can be as chummy with the Ravenclaws like you are,' said James.

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'I happen to know that you skipped your prefect patrol two weeks ago to spend some time with Diana Clearwater behind the tapestry on the fifth floor,' said James. 'Well, good for you, I suppose. She seemed very interested in your scars when you were partnered with her in Charms. Now, she finally had the opportunity to see all of them.'

'Don't you have anything better to do than spying after me?' asked Remus, blushing slightly.

'Hey, I just happened to glance at the map that evening and just connected the dots,' said James, grinning. 'And did she enjoy your scars? I can see why she would like them. They give you a little mysterious edge. After all, why should a rule-abiding prefect like you have that many of them? She is probably dying to find out.'

'In contrast to Sirius and you, I don't kiss and tell,' said Remus, still rather flushed. 'And her curiosity regarding my scars is a problem. She asks too many questions.'

'You just have to shag her more often then,' said James carelessly. 'Give her something better to do with her mouth than asking questions. You could do with a steady girlfriend Remus. It is about time that you try it for a change.'

'I like her well enough, but you know I can't date anyone,' said Remus. 'It is only a matter of time before she learns what I am and then everything will go down the drain. In the worst case, she leaks my secret all over the school and my life at Hogwarts is ruined. I just can't risk it, James.'

'Listen, Moony, you have to stop thinking the worst of people all the time,' said James. 'I don't know Diana well enough to tell you whether she is trustworthy or not, but if you feel like there is a chance that she would accept you and if you want to date her properly than you should tell her at some point. Make her take an Unbreakable Vow if you have to, but you cannot keep isolating yourself just because you are afraid of people finding out the truth. You were devastated when Peter, Sirius and I told you that we knew your secret and everything turned out alright, didn't it?'

'Yes, but you are the exception to the rule,' said Remus impatiently. 'Just because I know three people who don't fear me, doesn't mean that I can expect to find another person that does, as much as I want to.'

'Lily knows,' said James quietly. 'She has known for months and she did not treat you any differently, did she?'

That threw Remus off balance.

'What? How does she know? Did you tell her?'' he asked, his eyes wild.

'Of course, I didn't,' said James. 'She confronted me about what I was doing on the full-moons. I played dumb, but she quickly told me that she has known about your condition for months.'

'Fantastic,' said Remus, tiredly and buried his face in his hands. 'So, what else does she know?'

'I only told her that we do what we do on the full moons to help you, but I did not go into any details,' said James. 'She does not know that we are animagi and I don't plan on telling her. She is better off not knowing.'

'I bet she loved that,' said Remus dryly.

'We had some discussion about it, but she agreed to let it go for now,' said James. 'I am not sure how long that truce will last, though.'

'What are you going to do if she decides that she absolutely has to know?' asked Remus. 'I like Lily, but I am not thrilled at the thought of her knowing our secrets.'

'We will cross that bridge when we get there,' said James. 'But I will not give anything away without talking to you guys first. And as long as we are keeping the relationship as casual as we do today, I don't see myself sharing that information.'

'Ah, I see,' said Remus. He gave James a rather pitying look which James ignored. It was well-known to the other Marauders that James was not happy about Lily keeping her distance in the relationship. They had stopped discussing it about two weeks ago, as they had exhausted all things James could do at the point.

'Well, what am I supposed to do now that Lily knows?

‘Nothing,’ said James simply. ‘It does not change anything after all.’

‘I can’t just do that! Now that I know that Lily knows about me, I will probably treat her differently and thereby give away that I know that she knows! This is going to make things awkward between us. Maybe you shouldn't have told me at all.'

'You are making this more complicated than it needs to be,' said James. 'Just treat her like you have before and if you find out that you can't do that, just tell her that you know that she knows. Than you can both start dancing around each other for a while and when the dust settles everything will be alright again. You have been friends for quite a while, so I don't see any problem here.'

'Maybe you are right,' said Remus. He had a ponderous expression on his face and remained silent for a while.

'However,' said James after silence had stretched between them long enough, 'There is still the issue of that blasted note to take care of. I still think that I should go.'

'Yes, you have made me question your sanity quite often already,' said Remus. 'James, going there is absolutely mental! You must see that! What good could possible come out of playing delivery boy for the bloody Death Eaters? Keep in mind that this is the best case scenario. Maybe they will just kidnap you and be done with it. You have to stay here!'

'It is a great opportunity to find out what they are up to,' argued James. 'And why would they kidnap me? Rosier has told me that I have to prove my loyalty to the cause. This clearly is the task they have given me and it actually seems quite manageable. I had expected them to send me Muggle hunting, but instead all I have to do is to pick up a parcel in Knockturn Alley and deliver it to a house in Brighton. That is a piece of cake, Remus! It means that I can spy on the Death Eaters and keep up the appearance that I am their ally at the same time. It is win-win!'

'It's not bloody win-win,' said Remus hotly. 'What makes you think that they will let you see anything that could hurt them? They don't trust you, so this is either a pointless test of loyalty or you are their useful idiot who will take the fall for whatever they are trafficking if things go wrong. There is nothing to win here, James. Please, just let it go! This thing with Rosier is dead and gone anyway. It is only a matter of time, before your relationship with Lily becomes known and then there is no way they will let you join. No purist would even consider dating a Muggle-born witch, especially not if her name is Lily Evans.'

'I know that, but I still think it is worth a shot,' said James. 'Maybe you are right and there is nothing of interest going on tomorrow, but maybe I am right and we learn something valuable about how these tossers operate. I have to do something Moony! I can't just sit on my bum and wait for this war to be over! I want to make a difference and maybe this is the way I can do just that. If I find something useful, my father can tip off the aurors and maybe they will make a few arrest as a result. That's a chance I have to take.'

'Have you talked this through with your father already?' asked Remus.

'Not yet, I did not want to put it in a letter,' said James. 'I doubt that anyone is intercepting my mail, but one can never be too careful. I will ask him before dinner.'

'Good, maybe he will be able to talk some sense into you,' said Remus. 'And if you are crazy enough to go, you must not go alone. Maybe your father or even better Moody.'

'The note said to come alone,' pointed James out. 'And I don't think Moody has the patience for this kind of thing. He probably would try to arrest the Death Eaters the moment we get the package.'

'Use the invisibility cloak then. Everybody will think that you are alone, but you will have some backup if things go wrong.'

'That might work,' said James ponderously. 'Do you want to come, Remus?'

'Of course I don't want to come,' said Remus, rolling his eyes. 'But if no else is available to save your skin, then I will do it. Merlin help me, but I will go along if I have to.'

'Marvellous,' said James. 'But I don't think you should be overly worried. I am quite sure that they haven't given up on recruiting me yet. They are not going to send me into a trap.'

'What makes you think that they are still interested in having you join them?' asked Remus. 'From what you have told me, Rosier seemed very angry at you. I don't think that he has put in a good word for you.'

'Probably not,' agreed James. 'But that does not matter too much. The Death Eaters believe in blood purity and there are very few wizarding families with blood as pure as mine. In their eyes, I am the apex of what a wizard can be. Combine that with my family's fortune and fame and you have a combination the Death Eaters cannot resist. To make things ever more interesting to them, my family has traditionally been rather Muggle-friendly. If they were able to convince me of their purist ways, than I would be an ideal poster-child for their crusade. They have a lot to gain and very little to lose, so I am quite sure that they are still willing to give me a chance.'

'It makes sense when you put it like that, but it is still a crazy plan,' said Remus. 'And I am quite sure that your father will tell you not go.'

'We will see about that,' said James, grinning. 'He should be in his study, let's go over there and tell him right now.'

'Fine,' said Remus, 'but you will see that I am right.'

He wasn't.

Richard Potter looked long and hard at the note, before turning to James.

'And you are sure that this is not some prank?' he asked. 'Where did you get it?'

'I found it on my bed one evening. I am not sure how it got there, but Rosier told me that they would be in contact. This fits his announcement too well to be a coincidence.'

'It is troubling that they can reach you in the dormitory,' said Richard looking thoughtful. 'It could be a trap, but it also could provide useful information and keep us in the game a while longer. Yes... it is probably best if you go.'

'What?' said Remus. 'Surely, you are not serious, Mr. Potter! This has to be a trap! Maybe they are setting James up to take the fall for one of their criminal activities!'

'It is a possibility,' said Richard. 'But I don't think that they will play it like that. They have shown in the past that they are very interested in getting our family to join them. I think they still have too much hope to arrange a trap for James. We still have a chance to get close to them and to buy some more time. If we are very lucky we may even get something to pass the aurors. As much as I hate taking chances, I think we should try our luck this time. But you are not going alone, obviously.'

'The note says that I have to,' pointed James out. 'We could use the cloak, but if they find out, my cover will be gone and they probably won't be friendly anymore.'

'Doesn't matter,' said Richard. 'If it comes to this, you just have to get out there quickly. Who do you think should accompany you? I am not as fresh as I used to be, but I can still hold my own in a duel. I could ask Mad-Eye, but he has a lot on his plate at the moment. And he has always hated undercover work, probably because he never was too good at it.'

'I don't think taking an auror is a good idea,' said James. ‘If they spot him, we are going to be in a lot of trouble.’

‘That’s true,’ said Richard. ‘Maybe taking someone your own age might be the best idea. That gives you some plausible deniability. You were just about to deliver the package, but one of your mates showed up unexpectedly and you were unable to get rid of him. Sirius is on holiday, right?’

‘Yes,’ said James. ‘I have already asked Remus to join me and he has agreed.’

Remus gave James a pointed look, obviously trying to tell him that he had not agreed to this. Naturally, James ignored him.

‘It is decided then,’ said Richard. ‘You and Remus will run that errand. Try to find out what they are up to and if you discover something worthwhile, bring it back to me. Play it safe and be smart! I don’t want you to cross the Death Eaters unless you have to. This is a reconnaissance mission, so no heroics! If you get into trouble, just apparate out and get back here. The manor is well protected. Oh, and do me a favour and don’t tell your mother about this. I doubt that she would take it well.’

James grinned at the thought. He could vividly picture his mother screaming at them for even thinking about taking such a risk. She was a sweet woman, but sometimes being careful was just not what was needed. The risk is what makes it fun after all.

‘I will expect you to be back after no more than two hours,’ said Richard. ‘If you need more time, send me a message with your patronus. If I don’t hear anything and you are not back in time, I will contact Moody and set loose all aurors which I can find.’

‘Got it,’ said James, excitement coursing through his veins. ‘Oh, don’t look so gloomy, Remus! It will a great adventure!’

‘Yes, our boring lives clearly need more excitement,’ said Remus dryly. ‘Alright, let’s do it. I still think that it is a mad plan, but the whole world has gone mad, so maybe it is just the right thing to do.’

‘That’s the sprit,’ said James with a wide grin.

* * * * *

'I still can't believe that we are doing this,' hissed Remus when they stepped through the gateway leading into Knockturn Alley.

'Be quiet and keep close,' whispered James, trying to move his mouth as little as possible. If other people saw him talking they would either think he was mad or figure out that somebody else was there as well. 'You are invisible, remember? This whole thing only works if you stay undetected.'

Remus did not reply, but James though he could feel his friend’s angry glare. James sighed quietly. He wished Sirius was here. Remus was a good friend and a decent dueller, but he was not as adventurous as his best mate was. Sirius was not complain about the plan, he would be bouncing of the walls in excitement instead. While that could be annoying, James preferred it to Remus's sullen silence. He wandered down the dark street with Remus staying close by his side. It was ten o'clock in the morning and shopping was slow. Sleet was raining down from the sky like icy needles and James shivered. He cast a quick warming charm on himself and an impervious charm on his clothes to remain dry. Puddles were already forming on the uneven cobblestones of the street and James had to step carefully to avoid them. The lack of other shoppers suited James as it made it much easier for Remus to remain by his side without stumbling into anyone. He did not like being in Knockturn Alley, the street felt threatening somehow. That uncomfortable feeling was not improved the fact that they were on a secret mission for the Death Eaters. Finally, they had reached their destination: A dingy looking potions shop called 'The Caustic Cauldron'. James stepped inside, making sure that the door was open long enough for Remus to enter as well without attracting attention. The inside of the shop was deserted. It was a small and dark, with shelves upon shelves of potion vials taking up most of the space. All of the vials were opaque, but their size varied wildly. They were all unlabelled. James wondered briefly how anyone was supposed to know what potion was stored where, when a little cough caught his attention. A small man had appeared behind the counter of the shop. He was in his sixties, stooped and thin, with a wispy moustache a very bright eyes. A grimy nametag on his chest marked him as Mr. R. Green.

'Can I help you with something?' he asked in a surprisingly deep and strong voice. 'Do you want to buy one of the more exotic potions maybe?'

'I am here to pick something up,' said James. 'I was told that you had a parcel waiting under the name of Roberts.'

'I see,' said Mr. Green. His eyes narrowed and he gave James a piercing look. James returned it coolly, even though he felt rather nervous. He was very glad that he had changed his appearance for the mission. His face was rounder than usual and his hair was neat and blonde. It would not do for James Potter to wander around in Knockturn Alley after all. It would create too much attention.

'And I am sure that you were also told that I am not allowed to give this particular delivery to just anyone asking for it.'

'Indeed, I was,' said James. 'The password is "nightshade". Now pass it over, I am in a hurry.'

'Very well then,' said the clerk and disappeared in the back of the shop again. James exhaled and felt some of the tension leaving his body. So far, everything was going as planned. They were supposed to drop the parcel off in Brighton. Apparating there should be fairly straight forward, but first he would take a look at what it was the Death Eaters were hiding from them. Judging from the fact that it was stored in a shady potion shop, James suspected some kind of poison. He would not pass anything to the Death Eaters that could hurt other people! It was one thing to be on neutral ground with them and quite another to help their mad crusade.

The man returned quickly, carrying a small, rectangular package. From the way he held it, it seemed to be quite heavy. Somehow that surprised James. He could not picture anything heavy which actually fitted in the package.

'Here you go,' said the clerk and dropped the package in James's hands. It was too heavy to hold it in one hand and James had to quickly clutch it with his other hand to prevent it from falling to the ground. He gave the clerk a dark look for not having warned him.

'Marvellous,' said James coolly. 'I will spread word about your kind service. Good bye.'

'Not so fast,' said the man. 'What about my payment?'

'What payment?' asked James.

'Do you think I store things for free?' asked the clerk and rolled his eyes. 'I am running a business here, laddie. Now give me my five galleons and be on your way.'

'How do I know that you were not already paid for your trouble and just want to make a bit of extra money?' asked James shrewdly. 'It would be very foolish to try to cheat me. Very foolish indeed.'

'Do you want the package or not? Because if you do, then you are going to pay me. Otherwise, it will stay right where it is.'

James thought furiously about what he should do. He was fairly sure that the man was lying and was trying to cheat him. However, he could not be completely sure and he did not dare jeopardizing the mission. Should he give this one more push and see what was going to happen? Maybe the old man would cave if James threatened to walk away. It was worth a shot, but he would look like a right arse if it did not work and he would have to come back and buy the package anyway. If Green would even offer it to him again. No, the risk was too big. Five galleons was a decent amount of money, but his family was too rich to even notice five additionally spent galleons.

'Fine,' spat James. He sat down the parcel, extracted the coins out of his robe and tossed them on the counter. 'I am going to find out if you tricked me though! You should be careful who you are crossing. These are dangerous times after all.'

'Oh, I am quite sure that I will be alright,' said the clerk rather smugly. 'Have a marvellous day.'

James picked up the package again and moved towards the exit. He had to put the package down again to be able to open the door, as he need both hands to carry it. Fortunately, that left Remus more than enough time to slip out into the still mostly deserted street. James grabbed the package again and hurried outside, cursing under his breath all the while. He could feel sweat already forming on his brow. If he had known that the package was that heavy, he would have thought twice about taking the mission in the first place. He did not dare using any magic on it to make it easier to carry though. After all, who knew what kind of protective spells they had placed on that thing? Maybe it would blow up as soon as he cast a spell on it.

'Now what?' whispered Remus into his ear. 'Do we go straight to Brighton and drop it off?'

'Not quite,' whispered James. 'Latch onto me, we are going to do some side-along apparition.'

'Where to?'

'You will see when we get there,' replied James. He did not want to say the destination out loud just in case that they were overheard.

A moment later, James felt Remus's arm latch onto his. He spun on the spot and apparated.

* * * * *

When the pressure of the Apparation lessened, the smell of the sea hit James immediately. They were standing next to a small cottage overlooking the rough waves. The cold wind whipped at them and James shivered. He had never been here in the winter and now he knew why.

'Where are we?' asked Remus, as he whipped the cloak off.

'Scotland,' said James. 'This is the summer cottage of my family. We have not been up here for a few years, but when I was younger we spent most of the summer here. It is quite remote so we should have all the privacy we need. I was not about to go back to the manor just in case they are monitoring it.'

'You are being paranoid,' said Remus. 'How where they supposed to know that we had gone back to the manor? If we apparate close to the house, no one would be able to see us from outside the grounds.'

'Maybe, maybe not,' said James. 'It does not hurt to be careful. Anyway, what did you think about that git in the store?'

'I think he was playing you when he asked you to pay him,' said Remus. 'The note would have told you if you really had to pay him. But I can see why you decided to go along with it. It was quite a risk to take.'

'What do you think is in there?' asked James. 'It is bloody heavy.'

'No idea,' said Remus. 'First, I thought of some illegal potions, but they are not heavy enough. Now I am not sure.'

'Let's crack this open then and see what's going on.'

'James you can't!' said Remus. ‘The letter said not to open it! Who knows what will happen if you meddle with it? It could be cursed for all we know!’

‘What is the point of this mission if we don’t try to find out what the Death Eaters are up to?’ argued James. ‘All we know is that they are messing around with a small package. That is not useful to anybody! We need to find out what they are transporting or this was pointless.’

‘Fine, but let’s check for enchantments first,’ said Remus. He whipped out his wand and waved it over the package, muttering under his breath.

‘Hm… very curious,’ he said after a while. ‘Very curious, indeed.’

‘What did you find?’ asked James eagerly.

‘Nothing, really,’ said Remus. ‘There is no spell on the outside of the package. No protective enchantments or any curses. However, there is something magical inside. It is only a faint trace of magic and as far as I can tell, it is harmless, but I cannot be sure.’

‘So, I can take a peek without this package exploding in my face?’ asked James. ‘Sounds like a plan. ‘

‘Wait,’ said Remus. ‘Let’s think this through. We could turn this over to the aurors, but I am not sure whether they are going to take it seriously. After all, we know nothing about the content of the package and we cannot tie it to any Death Eater. Naturally, doing that will reveal that you don’t want to follow their cause at all. That could cause a lot of problems in the future.’

‘What do you suggest then?’ asked James. ‘Handing it over to the Death Eaters without looking at it? I can’t do that! Who knows what’s in there: I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s death as a result of this delivery.’

‘I am merely stating our options.’

‘Yes and they are still the same as yesterday,’ said James impatiently. ‘We are not getting anywhere with this issue. We decided yesterday that we were going to find out what they are up to and I am going to do just that.’

‘James, no…’

James ignored him. He raised his wand and opened the package with a neat Severing Charm. The flaps of the package opened only slightly, so James grabbed one with his left hand and wrenched it open. Inside, was a small, completely innocuous looking stone. For a brief moment, James saw a complicated rune which had been painted on the surface of the rock in pale blue ink. Then, it glowed brightly and vanished, leaving a completely unremarkable stone behind.

‘Oh,’ said James quietly. ‘That probably wasn’t good. Well, let’s take a proper look then. In for a knut, in for a galleon.’

He grabbed the rock with one hand and tried to pull it out. It was too heavy for him to lift in one hand, so he tucked his wand back in his pocket and used the other one as well. He held up the rock so that Remus could see it as well and tried to spot anything unusual about the item. He could not find anything remarkable except for the weight.

'Finite Incantem,' said Remus, pointing the wand at the stone. Suddenly, it became much lighter and James almost hit himself in the face with it by accident.

'What was that?' he asked Remus.

'I suspected that there was a charm on the rock to make it heavier than usual,' said Remus. 'Turns out that I was right. But I don't see why the purpose behind this delivery. Why should you put an ordinary rock into a package, charm it to be super heavy and then ask someone to carry it around the countryside? It does not make any sense.'

'Yes, it does,' said James, with dread settling in his stomach. 'It was a test and we just failed. There was a rune painted on the stone which vanished when I opened the box. This means that they will be able to detect that we have opened the package! It was never about the delivery in the first place. They just put a stone in there and charmed it so the package appeared to be full and important! It was all just a trick.'

'Bloody hell,' said Remus. 'I told you not to open it, didn't I? What are we going to do now? What did the rune look like?'

'I don't know,' said James. 'It was spiky, I think.'

'James all runes are spiky,' said Remus.

'Oh, shut up, you now that I am not taking ancient runes at school,' snapped James irritably. 'I don't think we will be able to forge the rune, do you?'

'Probably not,' said Remus. 'I can read runes, but I have never tried using a rune to cast actual magic. I thought people did not use that kind of magic anymore.'

'Maybe it is some dark magic,' mused James. 'That would fit to the Death Eaters.'

'In each case, we have to decide on a course of action,' said Remus. 'I think we should just deliver the package anyway. We cannot recast the rune, but we can charm the stone again so that at least the weight is correct. Then we seal the package again and just play dumb. They cannot prove that you were the one opening it after all. It could have been that clerk after all.'

'That's true,' said James slowly, his mind racing. 'Yes, that's probably a good idea. After all, there is no harm in delivering the package and an ordinary rock is of no interest to the aurors.'

'It's the only way I see how we can salvage the mission,' said Remus. 'If you don't show up, they will think that you are unreliable if they notice that you have opened the package, they will think that you are overly curious. I think the latter is preferable. You were supposed to shove that package into a letter box, right?'

'Yes,' said James. 'The note contained an address in Brighton. I think it is good that we don't have to deliver it in person. It would probably be a rather awkward conversation if we have to explain why the package was opened already.'

'Alright, let's do it then,' said Remus. 'We should try not to lose any more time. The longer we take to deliver the package, the more suspicious it will look. I am going to get under the cloak again and you will apparate us there.'

'First we have to restore the charms,' said James and whipped out his wand again. He placed the rock back into the package and cast a charm on it to make it heavy again. Then he picked it up to test the weight. 'Yeah, that seems to be about right. I doubt that will care too much about the weight anyway. Right, now we have to seal the package again.'

He cast another charm and the packet looked untouched again.

Remus threw the cloak over his head again and grabbed James's arm again.

'Ready when you are,' he said. James took a deep breath, concentrated on their destination and disapparated.

* * * * *

They appeared on a small dirt road outside of Brighton. A few ramshackle and gloomy houses populated the desolate looking space. They were quite alone, but the place made James's skin crawl nevertheless. This was a Muggle neighbourhood! He could see a run-down bus stop down the street! What on earth were Death Eater's doing with a safe house in a Muggle neighbourhood? They hated all things Muggle and James doubted that most of the pure-blood fanatics had every spent more than a few hours in the Muggle world. It felt wrong and worried him. Lily was in the Muggle world right now, as she was visiting her family. James had thought that she would be safe there, but now he was not too sure anymore. If the Death Eaters had no qualms about hiding in the Muggle world, it was possible that they would be looking for Muggleborns there as well. It was a sobering thought.

He looked around and spotted their destination: The crumbling house over the street with the number 12 painting on it in fading letters. It looked as run-down as the rest of neighbourhood, with grimy windows and faded colours. However, the letterbox seemed to be new, as it was made of shiny bronze. Curious, James walked over to the house, keeping a strong grip on his wand, just in case of any unfriendly company. He listened hard, searching for any sign of life in the neighbourhood, but everything was quiet. When he had reached the letterbox, he observed it carefully, wondering how he was supposed to shove the parcel through the tiny opening. While the package was rather small, it was way too big to just shove it in. He ran on his fingers over the box and felt a little tingling sensation. Was the letterbox enchanted? He touched the opening with one his fingers and discovered that it felt rubbery. He could stretch it open with just a little bit of force. Grinning, James stretched the opening wildly and deposited the package inside. It stretched the whole post-box widely for a moment, but then it vanished with a quiet pop. Very interesting. Maybe the Aurors should take a look at this. It obviously was a rather sophisticated dead-drop for the Death Eaters. Relaxing slightly, James took one last look around the neighbourhood. Nothing had changed. They were still alone and as far as James could tell they were not watched by anybody.

‘It’s done,’ he whispered so that only Moony could hear. ‘Let’s get out of here before anybody noticed that we have opened the package.

Instead of answering him, Remus just put his hand back on his arms and gripped tightly. Relieved, James spun on the spot and disapparated.

Chapter 32

Chapter Text

It was shortly before six o'clock in the evening when James rapped on the window of the top floor bedroom in co*keworth. It was a cold and snowy night, but the warming charm he had cast on himself before leaving the house kept him comfortable even while flying on his broomstick in the icy wind. James could see Lily looking up from her book in confusion. She was sitting on her bed looking rather put out. James wondered what had gotten her in such a bad mood the day before Christmas. He knocked again when she still had not spotted him a moment later. This time, she got up from her bed and moved towards the window. Her mouth dropped when she saw him through the frosty glass. She hurried over and wrenched it open immediately.

'All right, Evans?' he asked co*ckily.

'James what on earth are you doing here?' she asked. 'Oh dear Merlin you are FLYING! This is a Muggle neighbourhood! What if someone sees?'

'You should let me come in then before someone notices I’m here,' said James. 'You know because of the statute of secrecy.'

She rolled her eyes.

'Fine, get in,' she said. 'And you better have a good explanation for your behaviour.'

She moved away from the window, so that James had enough space to squeeze himself through it. His broom hovered motionless in the air while James got inside the house. After he was safely inside, he grabbed the broom and pulled it through the window as well. Lily quickly closed the window behind him and closed the curtains.

'James, why are you here?' she asked. 'And why didn't you just ring the doorbell?'

'Because I want to have you by myself,' said James huskily. He had not seen her for ten days and he had missed her terribly. Furthermore, since his little adventure at the beginning of the holidays, things had been rather dull at home. The Death Eaters had not reacted to his rather botched delivery so far and James doubted that they would at all. So, he had decided to pay Lily a little visit today. He stepped closer to her so that their faces were only a few inches apart. She gazed up at him with surprise shining in her green eyes. 'It has been too long since I have been able to do that.'

He cupped her face in his hands and brought his lips down on hers. Lily gave a short squeak of surprise but quickly settled into the kiss. James groaned when her tongue slipped into his mouth and he pulled her flush into his body. One his hands travelled down her back and grabbed her ass roughly through her skirt. She made a small keening noise in her throat in response. James wasn't sure whether it was protest or encouragement. James was barely able to enjoy the feeling, before she broke the kiss and gently pushed him away.

'You are wearing too many clothes,' she said, motioning at his travelling cloak. 'And we really shouldn't do that here: My parents could walk in on us.'

'Well, both of these problems are easily fixed,' said James. He removed the cloak and hung it over a chair. Underneath he was wearing a white shirt and a dark pair of jeans.

'Muggle clothing?' asked Lily with a raised eyebrow.

'As you have just pointed out to me, this is a Muggle neighbourhood,' said James with a smirk. 'I thought it wise to come prepared.'

'Which is why you flew her on a broom,' said Lily dryly. 'You should probably have picked Muggle Studies at Hogwarts. Then you might have figured out why that is not such a great idea.'

'I have a wonderful secret girlfriend, who can teach me about these things,' said James. 'And I only took the broom because I did not think that I would be able to climb to your window.'

'You could have just rang the doorbell.'

'I could have, but then I would have to explain to your parents that I was here to snog you and I doubt that they would have been overly eager to welcome me after that explanation. And you wanted to keep our relationship a secret and I think that includes your parents.'

'It actually sounds plausible if you tell it like this,' said Lily. 'But I don't think you would have to worry about my parents overly much. My mother would be thrilled if she knew that we were dating.'

'Seems like she has passed her great taste in men to her daughter,' said James. 'Now, where were we? I think I was just in the process of getting reacquainted with your marvellous bum.'

'James, I am serious,' said Lily. 'We must not do that here! And I don't even think about doing a pun!'

'It will be fine,' said James and whipped out his wand. 'I will just do a locking and a silencing charm on the door and no one will be the wiser. Come on, Lily, you know you want to.'

'No!' said Lily, her eyes going wide. 'Don't use magic inside the house!'

'Why not? You are off-age by now, so the Ministry is not going to care.'

'I have promised not to use magic in the house,' she explained. 'You know because of Petunia.'

'Ah,' said James. He had gotten to know Petunia last year and given her aversion to everything magical, he could vividly picture her reaction to magic done in her own house. 'Fine, do you have a lock on your door?'

'As a matter of fact I haven't,' said Lily. 'It has been broken for ages and as I am almost never around, my father keeps putting off getting it replaced.'

'Then I suppose we just have to take the risk,' said James loftily. 'It is more fun that way anyway.'

'James,' protested Lily weakly, but James cut her off with a kiss. She sighed into his mouth and gave in, kissing him back hungrily. James hands skimmed down to her waist and with a sudden lurch, he picked her up. Lily giggled in surprise and gave a little squeal when James dumped her on her bed.

'There,' said James, as he slipped out of his shoes. 'Much more comfortable on the bed than standing.

'You are a terrible influence,' said Lily, watching him crawl towards her with dark eyes. 'Just snogging me in my room is not enough for you, you have to do it on my bed as well.'

'What can I say?' said James. 'I have never believed in moderation.'

He captured her lips again with his body on top of hers. She mewled in response and James wasted no time in slipping on his hands into her hair. God, he had missed her so much! Next time he was going to invite her to stay with him for the holidays. That way, he would have all the time in the world and his house had a least a hundred places where he could snog her in secret.

'Have I ever told you, how much I love it when you wear skirts?' he rumbled into her ear when he kissed her neck. His right hand was skimming up her leg slowly, coming closer and closer to the edge of her rather short skirt.

'I don't think so,' said Lily in a rather strangled voice.

'Skirts are wonderful because of the easy access,' said James huskily. 'All I have to do is push your knickers aside and I can shove my fingers inside of you. Just imagine it: Good girl Lily Evans getting fingered by her devilish good-looking boyfriend in her bedroom with the parents in the house and the door unlocked. Nasty, nasty.'

Lily shivered.

'You forgot about my tights,' she said weakly.

'I suppose I did,' said James, brushing over the material covering her legs. 'Hm... I think it would be easy to get them off if you raise your bum a little. As an alternative, I could always try ripping them off. You would like that, wouldn't you?'

He never found out whether Lily would have enjoyed him destroying her tights. There was loud knock on the door which made both of them flinch. Before Lily had the chance to answer, the door handle sunk down and the door started to open. James reacted with lightning speed. He lifted himself up to a sitting position and put some distance between Lily and him. Lily barely managed to do the same before her mother entered the room.

'Lily, dinner is about to be ready. Are you com...? Oh dear.'

'Hello Mrs. Evans,' said James with a rather forced smile. Thanks to all of his pranking experience, he was reasonably good and not blushing when under pressure, but the same could not be said for Lily. James knew that they both were looking rather suspicious. Lily's hair was mussed and her lips were swollen. He was very glad that neither of them was missing any clothing. If they had only been a bit quicker in their process things would be much, much worse.

'James,' said Mrs. Evans, obviously quite puzzled at his presence. She took a long look at him and another one at her daughter and her eyes narrowed suspiciously. 'I didn’t know that you were visiting Lily over the holidays. In fact, I have a feeling that I am interrupting something. Is there anything you two want to tell me?'

James opened his mouth, trying to find the right words to explain. It all seemed horribly complicated. After all, they were not officially dating and he doubted that Lily wanted her parents of all people to know about them. On the other hand, saying that he had been here to snog their daughter, but that he was not dating her was not a good idea. He doubt that Lily's mother would appreciate that revelation. However, before he had the chance to come up with an excuse, Lily beat him to it.

'Yes, actually,' she said, looking much more composed than she had a few minutes ago. 'James and I have been dating for about two months. I invited him over for dinner, but it must have slipped my mind to tell you. I'm so sorry.'

James only barely managed to keep his jaw from dropping. Lily had refused to make their relationship public for ages and now she was telling her mother of all people like it was no big deal? And why on earth did she just invite him to dinner? There must be something else going on here.

'Oh, Lily that's wonderful!' said Mrs. Evans. 'It is great to see you again, James! I knew that there was something between the two of you and it seems like I was right! And don't worry about dinner, I have probably cooked too much as it is.'

'I can leave if it is too much trouble,' said James quickly.

'Oh, don't be silly, dear,' said Mrs. Evans. 'Well, I will expect the two of you downstairs in a few minutes then. I guess you need some time to prepare yourselves.'

Her eyes lingered on their dishevelled appearances for a moment, before she swept from the room, with a huge smile still on her face.

'I guess we should get ready then,' said Lily casually. 'Come on, the bathroom is down the hall.'

'Not so fast,' said James, rounding on her. 'Why on earth did you tell her that we were dating and that you had invited me to dinner? You didn't think she would believe that, did you?'

'Was I supposed to tell her the truth then?’ snapped Lily. 'I suppose she would be awfully happy to hear that you snuck in here to get into my knickers. And the fact that we were not officially dating would have been the cherry on the pie. Yes, I am sure that would have went splendidly.'

'Alright, alright,' said James. 'Still, I probably should go. I am quite sure that she did not believe you. Having dinner with your family is bound to make things even more awkward, isn't it?'

'You stay were you are,' hissed Lily. 'It would be a tad suspicious if you just happen to disappear without a trace after we have been caught in the act, wouldn't it? You will come down to dinner with me and you will be the prefect boyfriend for the remainder of the evening. Turn on your charm and wrap my parents around your fingers. I know you can do it. You have done it before after all.’

'You are so fierce today, Lily,' said James. 'It makes me want to push you back on the bed again.'

'Be serious here,' said Lily, but James could see her blushing slightly.

'I have the feeling that there is something here you are not telling me. You could have told your mother that I was just leaving rather than inviting me to dinner. Why didn't you?'

'Have you always been that nosy?' she asked. 'Am I not allowed to invite my boyfriend to have dinner with my family?'

'Not if you have spent the last few weeks making sure that no one knows about said boyfriend. So, spill the beans. I am not going down there until you give me a proper explanation.'

'Fine,' said Lily, exasperated. 'It was about Petunia. She is getting married to her git of a boyfriend. And she has been insufferable because of it. If she is not bossing everyone around or obsessing about ridiculous things like which napkins to use, she likes to make mean comments towards me, because I am not getting married anytime soon. As if I wanted to get married straight out of school in the first place. But as Petunia likes to point out, I don't even have someone who would be willing to marry me in the first place.'

James briefly considered telling her that he could vividly picture marrying her, but he swallowed the words before they could spill out of his mouth. It was too much and too soon for this kind of commitment.

'So, I figured that if you are here, you could take her down a peg or two,' continued Lily. 'You are my boyfriend after all and you are everything Petunia hates. You are handsome, smart, a trouble-maker and worst of all: A wizard. She is going to hate you for showing up here.'

'You forgot extraordinarily good at Quidditch and humble in your list,' said James. 'So you want me to get back at your sister. I feel like I should be upset about this fact, but I am not sure I am.'

'You wanted to be a proper couple. Having dinner with your girlfriend's parents is part of the job description. Just think of annoying Petunia as a bonus.'

'Alright then, this should be fun,' said James. 'I will charm the socks of your parents, just give me an hour.'

'Wonderful,' said Lily. 'Come on, let's hurry and freshen up. You are not going to charm my father with hair like that.'

‘Yes, mum,’ said James and rolled his eyes, but his followed her into the bathroom nevertheless.

Having dinner with the Evans family was different than what James had expected. Mrs. Evans had glossed over the fact that James had been in the process of snogging their daughter senseless, so Mr. Evans was rather pleased to see him again, even though he had not been overly warm the last time they had met. Distinctly less pleased was Petunia. Her face had gone white when she first spotted him before darkening in anger. James had given her a winning smile, but she had only glowered at him in response. Her fiancé Vernon Dursley, a plump man with a no neck and a rather ridiculous moustache had seemed thrown by his sudden appearance. James himself had been unsure whether he was supposed to pretend to be a Muggle. However, Lily had quickly informed Vernon that James was a wizard as well. Vernon had gotten quite withdrawn after that announcement. Apparently, he shared his future bride’s view on magic. James had also been surprised at how affectionate Lily acted in front of her family. She was almost constantly touching him in one way or another and her glowing tales of their relationship made James slightly uncomfortable. Mrs. Evans was utterly delighted at the news, gushing about young love and fairytales, while Mr. Evans was rather quiet and Petunia was openly hostile about it. James took it in stride, keeping himself in the background and focused on remaining polite and keeping his temper in check.

‘You know Lily,’ said Petunia when the meal was over and coffee was served. ‘You could have told me that you were dating someone a bit earlier. I was already in the processing of arranging a date for you.’

‘Indeed?’ said Lily. Her grip on James’s hand tightened slightly. Apparently, she was not overly pleased about that information. ‘And with whom?’

‘Vernon’s friend Malcom of course,’ said Petunia. ‘He has a very promising career at a bank, as you probably know, and he has been asking about you since he first met you during the summer. It is too bad that you already are in a relationship: I might do you some good to spend more time with someone normal.’

James ignored the barb, but Lily’s temper flared instantly.

‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’ she demanded hotly. ‘What exactly is not normal about me dating James?’

'Girls, be nice,' said Mrs. Evans, but both Lily and Petunia ignored her.

'Oh, I don't know,' said Petunia sarcastically. 'Maybe the fact that both of you are bloody freaks, who spent their days at a crazy school leaning how to turn teacups into rats! You should know better than to dabble in this nonsense Lily! You should have stayed in the normal world!'

'Neither James nor I are freaks!' shouted Lily. 'And if you don't shut your mouth, I will...'

'What? Put a spell on me?' said Petunia nastily. 'Go one then! Proof me right that you are only a freak who abuses her powers. You are going to get into trouble with your government if you do anything! Yes, I know about that! I have been listening to a lot over the years. That disgusting Snape boy used to tell you all kind of stuff about their world after all.'

'Petunia, that's enough,' said Mr. Evans sharply. 'You are going to apologize to Lily right now. And Lily, you are going to sit down and put that away.'

Lily blinked and looked down at the wand in her hand. She had risen from her seat and drawn it right after the beginning of Petunia's last comment, but judging from the surprised look on her face, she hadn't even noticed it. James's right hand rested on his own wand, even though he was not sure what he was supposed to do with it. He felt sick in his stomach at the way Petunia treated her sister. He had always wanted a sibling, but seeing how cruel Petunia was to Lily, he was rather glad that he was an only child. At least he could choose who to spend time with. He was not even angry at Petunia, just stunned and strangely detached from the argument. The only thing he knew for certain was that Lily must not curse her sister. While she was off-age and therefore allowed to use magic during the holidays, the Ministry for Magic did not tolerate hexing Muggles, especially not in the current political climate. Granted, they probably had bigger things to worry about at the moment, but James was not in the mood to find out how lenient the Ministry was feeling today. He was going to have to stop her if she truly lost her temper.

Fortunately, it did not come to that. Lily let out a long breath and lowered her wand again. She slowly sat down in her seat again, still looking furious.

'Thank you,' said Mr. Evans, giving his younger daughter a pointed look. 'Petunia...'

'I am sorry,' said Petunia through clenched teeth. 'I shouldn't have said that.'

'Fantastic,' said Mr. Evans. 'It is rather normal to get carried away without words sometimes, but that does not mean that you should hurt someone on purpose. Especially not that close to Christmas.'

'Do you have any big plans for Christmas, James?' asked Mrs. Evans, in an obvious attempt to steer the conversation into safe waters again.

'Nothing in particular,' said James. 'My mother has always been rather fond of Christmas, so she wants everything to be perfect. So, I have spent most the last week helping her decorate the house. Sirius is coming home tomorrow, so she is going to have three teenagers in the house again.'

'I have heard that name before,' said Mr. Evans. 'Didn't you use to rant about this Sirius boy, Lily?'

'I might have,' said Lily with a slight blush on her cheeks. 'He is James's best mate and a bit of a prat.'

'Language dear,' said Mrs. Evans, frowning.

'Well, she is not wrong, so don't worry about it,' said James. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a package of wizarding cigarettes. 'Do you mind if I smoke in the house?'

'It's fine, I smoke in here all the time,' said Mr Evans. 'What kind of cigarettes are these?'

'Merlin's finest, a wizarding brand,' said James. 'Would you like to try some?'

Mr. Evans hesitated for a moment, but then his curiosity took over.

'Sure,' he said.

James passed him a cigarette a placed on in his mouth as well.

'You just have to suck on them to ignite them,' said James. 'These are relatively similar to Muggle ones. There are others with more fancy magic. You know, silly stuff like super voluminous smoke or a special taste. I like to keep it simple though.'

James sucked on his cigarette which promptly burst into flame. Mr. Evans mirrored his actions and seemed surprised that it worked for him as well.

'Very handy,' he said. 'Is it normal for these things to work if you don't have any magic?'

'Well, most magical things will also work for Muggles, as long as they don't require any additional magic from their user,' explained Lily. 'You won't be able to use a wand, but something like this cigarette or even a magic potion should work properly.'

While Mr. and Mrs. Evans seemed interested in that piece of information, Petunia was not too happy about it. Her scowl deepened even more and she gave her sister a withering look. Vernon seemed to grow more and more uncomfortable as well, James guess that he was still getting used to the finer points of having a witch in the family.

'We have got to go, don't we Vernon?' said Petunia suddenly. 'Marge will be waiting for us already.'

'What?' said Vernon, glancing at the time. 'Yes... I think you are right, Petunia. The movie will start in an hour but it is best to be early. I am going to get my coat then. Thanks for the wonderful dinner.'

'Are you sure you can't stay any longer?' asked Mrs. Evans. 'I don't think that you will need quite that much time to get to the cinema.'

'Unfortunately not,' said Petunia firmly. 'I guess you will be well entertained by Lily and her boyfriend in the meantime. I will be back late, don't wait up for me.'

She and Vernon swept out of the room, looking very glad to be leaving.

'Well, that was strange,' said James, shaking his head in bemusem*nt. 'Was it something I said?'

'No,' said Lily gloomily. 'I think it was just too much magic for Petunia to handle. Don't worry about it. It happens all the time.'

'Maybe we should have avoided the topic in the first place,' said Mrs. Evans.

'Petunia should have gotten used to it by now,' grumbled Mr. Evans. 'It has been more than six years since Lily got her letter. Should we just ignore this huge part of her life and never talk about it? And what about James? He does not know anything about our world, so he wouldn’t have anything to say at all.'

'I know some things,' protested James weakly, but Lily just snorted.

'And where did you pick up that knowledge? You don't even take Muggle Studies at school,' she said. 'Face it, James, you are completely clueless about the Muggle world.'

'Sirius takes Muggle studies though,' said James. 'He sometimes shares the more interesting things with us. And I live close to a Muggle village, so I run into them all the time. Sirius also likes to flirt with pretty Muggles girls whenever he gets the chance.’

'I thought wizards did not mingle with ordinary people?' said Mrs. Evans. 'Your world is kept a secret after all. If wasn't for Lily, we never would have guess that Magic exists at all.'

'Normally they don't, but they are exceptions to every rule,' said James. 'Some wizards are Muggle-born or half-bloods, so they will have some contact with Muggles over their life. Some even get married to a Muggle partner. I don't know about any pure-blood wizard who fell in love with a Muggle though. Their worlds are so different that they rarely encounter each other after all. However, I still think that it could happen.'

'I think that is pushing it,' said Lily. 'Pure-bloods are at the top of wizarding society and they tend to keep to themselves after all. Not many pure-bloods would ever consider dating a Muggle-born after all. Sirius my flirt with these poor girls, but he flirts with every girl, so it doesn’t count.'

'Isn't James a pure-blood?' asked Mr. Evans.

'I am,' said James. 'One of the friendly ones to be precise. I don't care about blood-status.'

'But others do?' asked Mr. Evans, looking rather concerned. 'They don't bother you, do they Lily?'

'It is fine dad,' said Lily. 'It is nothing that I can't handle. I am a big girl, I can take care of myself.'

'We know dear,' said Mrs. Evans. 'Still, I think it is a good thing that you have James to look out for you now. He probably knows more about all of these magic things than you do.'

James felt rather smug at this kind of praise. Lily noticed the expression on his face and elbowed him in the ribs. He just poked out her tongue at her in response.

'That's not very lady-like behaviour,' he whispered in her ear. 'I am your noble protector after all.'

'Shut up or you will be the one who needs protecting,' she whispered back, but there was no bite in her voice. James was rather sure that she did not mind too much about his protection after all.

‘Don’t worry Mrs. Evans,’ said James. ‘I am keeping an eye on her. While I don’t think she needs my protection, it does not hurt to be careful.’

Lily grimaced, but refrained from commenting any further.

‘Well James, when do you have to be back at your house?’ asked Mr. Evans, when both James and he had finished their cigarettes. ‘Are your parents already waiting for you?’

‘Er…’ said James not sure what to answer to that question. He had told his parents that he was off visiting a friend and that they don’t have to wait for him before starting dinner. His mother had needled him with questions, but James had evaded them skilfully and had disappeared into the night. Therefore, he didn’t have any concrete deadline to be back, but he also had never expected to get roped into dinner with Lily’s parents either. He had want to snog Lily senseless and then maybe go out with her for a walk, but he couldn’t say that to her parents, obviously. Should he excuse himself and get back to the manor then? He doubted that he was going to get to spend more time with Lily alone today, so maybe he should just go now. On the other hand, he didn’t want to be rude.

‘You told me that you should be home by half-past eight,’ said Lily suddenly, even though James had said no such thing at all. ‘So you probably should get a move on as you are late already.’

James looked at her in confusion, but the intense look in her eyes caused him not to contradict her.

‘Yes, you are right,’ he said instead. ‘I guess, I should get going then. Thank you so much for your hospitality, Mr. and Mrs. Evans.’

‘It was our pleasure, James,’ said Mrs. Evans. ‘Feel free to stop by whenever you feel like it.’

‘Come one,’ said Lily. ‘I will show you out.’

She stood up from her chair and James obediently followed. He was rather confused by her sudden hurry to get rid of him. Had he done something wrong? Lily briefly dashed upstairs to her room to get his broomstick before meeting him again on the front porch. Snow was falling thickly around them and a frosty wind blew. Lily closed the door behind her, so that they could talk without being overheard from inside the house.

‘I am sorry about today,’ she said quietly. ‘Petunia was out of line. You never should have seen that.’

‘Its alright, Lily,’ said James. ‘You must not listen to what she says. What does she know about our world in the first place? If you ask me, she is just jealous because of all the attention you get.’

‘Maybe,’ said Lily. ‘I am also sorry for making your leave so abruptly: I just feel a bit overwhelmed with everything and need some time to think. I guess I am not used to being a proper couple yet, especially not in front of my parents.’

‘Well, that is not surprising given that you try to keep the fact hidden in the first place. But you have to admit that it was rather enjoyable, wasn’t it?’

‘Yeah, I guess it was,’ said Lily with a small smile. ‘I never would have imagined that I get caught by my mother while making out with a ruffian like you in my childhood bedroom. I was mortified at the time, but now I just think it’s funny.’

‘We make a good couple, Lily.’

‘I guess we do.’

James smiled brightly at her words. Maybe she was finally seeing that going public about their relationship was not that bad after all.

‘Come to my house for New Year’s eve,’ he said. ‘I have invited to boys and Marlene. We are going to get smashed and make a hell of a firework.’

‘Sounds like fun,’ said Lily, with a smile on her face. ‘Alright, I will be there. I will ask my parents and owl you about the details.’

‘Brilliant!’ said James. ‘I suppose, I will get going then.’

‘Aren’t you going to kiss me good-night?’ asked Lily.

‘Good night, Lily,’ said James, reaching down and kissing her deeply.

‘Good night, James,’ she said breathlessly after they had broken apart. James smiled, tightened the grip on his broomstick and disapparated.

Chapter 33

Chapter Text

On the morning of New Year's Eve, James Potter wandered down Diagon Alley at a leisurely pace. Christmas had come and gone and the weather had turned from cold and snowy to sunny and rather warm for this time of year. The street was packed with shoppers, who like James were stocking up for their parties later in the day. The only sign of unease were the patrolling hit wizards on the street. The Christmas season had been devoid of any Death Eater activity, so the Ministry was on the lookout for something big. James himself was keeping a close grip on his wand but was not overly worried otherwise. He would not be staying long anyway. He only had to take a quick stop at the Filibuster store to pick up the fireworks for later tonight and he would be off. Maybe he would make a quick stop at Quality Quidditch Supplies and see what they had in stock. Granted, there was nothing he actually needed in terms of Quidditch, but browsing was always fun. He just had to make sure not to waste too much time as Sirius would be waiting for him back at home.

James reached his destination rather quickly and was in and out of the shop within a few minutes. The fireworks had been shrunk and placed in a small package which he could comfortable carry in his pocket. It was a good thing that James was a regular and had preordered his batch as the shopkeeper was running low already. Pleased with himself, James decided that he had more than enough to take a peek at some brooms and started heading for the Quidditch store further down the street. He was almost there when a familiar voice called his name. James looked around, spotted the source and felt his heart skip a beat.

'Fancy meeting you here,' said Amber as she stepped closer to him. She smiled warmly at him and James was struck by how good-looking she was. Somehow he had forgotten. 'How are you?'

'Fine,' said James mechanically. He swept his gaze around and spotted her husband Peter arguing with the shopkeeper of the nearby gourmet food store about something. 'How are you?'

'Oh, very well, thank you,' said Amber. 'Obviously, I am still getting used to the thought of being a mother, but I think I am going to love it.'

James felt like he had been punched in the face. His eyes dropped to her stomach and spotted a clearly visible bulge there. His eyes widened.

'You are pregnant?' he croaked after a moment. It was obvious that she was, but he needed to hear it out of her mouth before he was going to believe it.

'Yes,' she said, blushing prettily. 'I am four months along.'

'But you only have been married for six months!' protested James. 'And you did not even want to get married in the first place.'

'You know how it is, James,' said Amber quietly. 'Most pure-blood woman get pregnant early. It is expected that we continue our bloodline. What am I supposed to wait for? I know that I am going to be married to Peter for the rest of my life. Why should I wait until I am old to get children?'

'But it is too soon!' said James. He knew that she was right from on objective point of view. Nevertheless, it was wrong for her to get pregnant that quickly! Only a few months ago, they had been a couple and she had meant something to him. It hurt him that she had moved on so easily, probably more than it should have.

'James, are you upset with me?' asked Amber, looking rather sad all of sudden.

James considered lying to her, but discovered that he lacked the willpower to do so.

'Yes!' he said forcefully and suddenly all of his suppressed thoughts spilled out of his mouth. 'Yes, I bloody am upset! You told me that you hated the thought of getting married to Fawley! That you wanted to have some fun before you were condemned to a life in a loveless marriage! You made me believe that I meant something to you! I knew that it couldn't last, but I thought that you would care enough about me to at least be sad when it was over. But no, apparently that grand marriage wiped me straight from your mind as you didn't waste any time to get pregnant with his kid! And don't give me that rubbish about what was expected from you! You could have waited for a few years without anyone batting an eye especially because your marriage was arranged. But here you are, pregnant and obviously rather happy. What I am supposed to think about that?'

James was breathing hard after his rant was over. However, he did not feel better after airing his thoughts in this violent manner. In fact, he did feel worse. He shouldn't have reacted that strongly to her pregnancy in the first place or at least he should have kept quiet about it. Well, it was water under the bride now. Her reaction, however, was different from what he had anticipated.

'Oh, Jamie,' she said sadly. 'I am sorry you feel that way. Of course, I cared for you. The wedding was tough for me and I kept thinking about you, but as I settled into marriage, things became better. Peter and I actually work very well together and over the weeks we became close. I didn't plan to get pregnant, but I had been careless with the potion. It was an accident, but I am quite happy about it now. As I said, there is little reason to wait for anything. I guess, I have just moved on. You have probably done the same.'

James thought about Lily and winced slightly. He had indeed moved on as well and if Lily had been more willing, he would have had sex with her weeks ago. However, he was neither married, nor about to be a father. Granted, Amber was under much more pressure than he was, but he still felt betrayed by the depth of her marriage.

'You were never careless with the potion with me,' he said quietly not sure what else to say.

'Things were different back then, Jamie,' said Amber. She reached out to touch him, but reconsidered before reaching him. Instead, she wrapped her arms about himself. 'I have never lied to you. You knew what you were getting yourself into. You knew that we would have to break up eventually.'

'Yes, yes I bloody did,' said James hotly. 'Or at least I thought I did. It was all fun and games at first, but when it was over, it bloody hurt me! I had to read the reports about your supposedly marvellous wedding while sitting at home and nursing a wounded heart. I was a fool for getting into this in the first place. I should have known that dating you for almost a year was going to suck me in too deep to just toss you over to the next bloke. I should have backed out while I still had the chance, but I didn't and I paid the price for it. However, it seems that you have dealt with it just fine! I wonder why that is.'

'Jamie, it is not like that,' said Amber, but James was not listening anymore.

'Don't call me that!' he snapped. 'I have to go. Good luck with your pregnancy. I think you will be a great mother.'

Before Amber had the chance to hold him back, he had disapparated.

* * * * *

On the evening of the same day, James stepped on one of the numerous balconies of the manor and inhaled deeply. It was only an hour and half until midnight and the party was in full swing in the house. However, James needed a break. He was not in the mood to party. His encounter with Amber had left him angry and bitter for the whole day. Sirius had asked him what had gotten his knickers in a twist, but James had not told him about his argument with Amber. He was neither in the mood to be pitied nor to be patronized. So, he had tried to mask his irritation all evening and as far as he could tell, he had been fairly good at it. James swayed slightly when he approached the edge of the balcony. He had drunk more quickly than usual trying to numb his agitation. He knew that it was a dumb thing to do, but he not been able to resist nevertheless. At least, he was feeling a little better than before. He lit a cigarette and blew the coloured smoke out in the dark night. The sky was clear and the crisp air helped clear his slightly swimming head. He ought to take it easy for the rest of the night. He had drunk often enough to know that he was close to his limit and he had no desire to puke his guts out for the rest of the miserable day. Some New Year's Eve that was! He only hoped that the next year was going to start better than the last one has ended. At least Lily was in a good mood tonight. If he was very lucky, he might get to shag her tonight.

Somehow, he felt like he had to push harder for the next step in their relationship. If Amber had managed to get pregnant within such a short time, he should be able to do the deed with Lily. James scowled at the thought. Bloody Amber worming her way into his thoughts again. He should banish her from his mind. She had obviously moved on and so should he. He shouldn't let the pace of his relationship with Lily be affected by Amber's marriage. It would do him no good in the long run. Nevertheless, the painful encounter this morning was a harsh reminder of the still not fully healed wound in his heart. He had thought that he was over it by now, but obviously he had been wrong. Maybe he should have listened to Remus all these months ago. His friend had warned him not get involved with Amber if he couldn't keep himself emotionally detached from her. James had insisted that he would be fine, but in retrospective he probably should have taken his friend’s advice.

Time stretched, but James made not move to get away from the balcony. He kept chain smoking cigarettes and looking unseeingly over the dark sky, only protected from the by now chilly air by a warming charm he had cast before stepping outside. Only when someone tapped him on the shoulder he jerked out of his rather gloomy thoughts.

'What?' asked, jerking around, his hand going for his wand, dropping his cigarette in the process. Rather than coming face to face with a Death Eater, however, he faced a rather worried looking Lily. 'Oh, hello Lily.'

'Are you alright?' she asked looking intensely at his face. 'You were gone for a long time, so I came looking to see where you went. It is not long until midnight now. Sirius and Peter are already gathering all the fireworks. They are going to launch them from the front yard.'

'I am fine,' said James, though he was not sure that he was. His head was swimming from the alcohol and the nicotine. His throat was dry and rather itchy from all the smoke he had inhaled and his lungs were burning slightly as well. He had clearly smoked too much. He tossed away the only halfway gone cigarette in his hand and vowed not to light another one for the rest of the night. 'I just needed some time to think.'

'Are you sure?' she asked. 'You have been quiet all evening. I thought you were looking forward to this party.'

'I was,' said James. He was sorely tempted to just tell Lily everything about his encounter with Amber, but his instinct told him to keep quiet about it. Talking about your ex-girlfriend with you current one was almost never a good idea and he did not feel comfortable with showing Lily his vulnerability about his past relationship. It felt too private to tell her and no matter what some girls told you, no one wanted a sensitive man who bawled like a baby about his past-love. 'I just had something to think about. Did you have fun so far? You seem way too sober for this hour.'

'I have already drunk more than I usually do,' said Lily. James noticed that her eyes were a bit glassy, but otherwise she seemed mostly sober. 'You know that I am a lightweight.'

'Hm... seems like there is something we have to rectify,' said James. He stepped close to her and put his hands on her hips. 'After all, it almost midnight. We should properly welcome the New Year. We need to toast each other at least. I may happen to have a bottle of champagne stashed away in my room. I have a huge bedroom window, so we will have a nice view and there is my very comfortable bed as well. That might come in handy if we do some proper celebrating.'

'You are a terrible influence, you know that?' said Lily, but James could see the excitement in her eyes.

'So you keep telling me,' said James. He lowered his mouth to her neck and kissed it lightly. 'I have not forgotten about our little session back in your bedroom. I think we should pick up where we left back then. I can properly lock my door here, so we will not interrupted.'

Lily whimpered when he bit lightly down on her neck as an afterthought. James could feel himself stirring in his pants. It had been too long since he had been alone with her. He needed to get some release tonight.

'Lead the way' she said.

James heart leap at the words.

'When do you have to be back at home?' he asked, hoping that they would have enough time to properly enjoy each other.

'I have told my parents that I am going to spend the night at Marlene's,' said Lily, slipping her hands under his shirt. 'I am not sure they have believed me though.'

'Doesn't matter,' growled James moving his hands from her hips to grab her bum. 'You are going to spend the night in my bed and you parents will be none the wiser.'

'How very romantic,' said Lily, but James could see a delicate flush on her cheeks. He knew by now that she enjoyed it when he took control.

'I aim to please,' said James crushing her mouth to his. She mewled into his mouth as he slipped his tongue inside. James felt slightly dizzy at the sensation, which was probably a result of all the alcohol he had drunk during the evening.

'Come on, let's move, before the other's find us and make us watch the fireworks,' said James. He broke the kiss, took her hand and dragged her towards his room. Fortunately, it wasn't too far. He ushered her inside and locked the door with an extra strong locking charm. After casting a Silencing Charm, he tossed his wand away and turned around to Lily who had by now sat down on his bed.

'That's quite a bed you have here,' she said motioning towards the king size mattress with crimson and gold bedsheets. 'Gryffindor pride through and through, I see.'

'The most important thing is that it is more than big enough for both of us,' said James. He made quick work of his white shirt and threw it noncommittally on the ground. 'And you are wearing too many clothes.'

'Am I?' she asked coyly. 'Surely you don't mind the skirt. This time I am not even wearing any tights. Only the skimpiest knickers I could find.'

She spread her legs, so he could see the scrap of black lace under her skirt. James pulse quickened and he felt a stirring in his pants.

'Minx,' he growled. 'You came prepared then.'

'I did,' she said looking rather pleased with herself. 'You were not the only one left unsatisfied during your visit at my house after all. I believe you promised to put your tongue to good use the last time. No time like the present, I think.'

James liked that proposition very much. However, he had a painfully hard erection to take care off and he wanted to shag her properly tonight. It was not going to do them both any good if he finally managed to convince her to go all the way only to finish in a minute or so. No, she was going to suck him off first. Then he had all the time in the world to get her in the right mood. He knew what she liked by now and with a bit of luck, it would be enough to convince her to let him f*ck her.

'You seem rather impatient,' he said. He removed his socks and shoes, crawled onto the bed and kissed her roughly. He was only wearing his boxers and his thin undershirt by now and felt rather underdressed compared to her. 'And you are wearing too many clothes. Get out of the shirt, I want to see your breasts.'

'Don't you want to do it yourself?' she asked breathlessly. 'I thought you liked undressing me.'

'I do, but I am going to rip your shirt apart if I do it myself,' said James. He lowered his mouth to her neck and starting sucking on it, causing Lily to groan.

She deftly unbuttoned her shirt and gently pushed him away, so she could get rid of it. James hummed in approval at the lack of a bra. These things only got in the way after all and someone with Lily's rather small and perky breasts did not need it anyway. He crashed his mouth on hers again and plundered her mouth. Without breaking contact, he pulled her into his lap and started playing with her nipples with his hands. Lily promptly startled wiggling against his co*ck. He could feel how wet she was through her thin knickers and the contact nearly caused him to climax right away.

'Stop wriggling,' said James breathlessly. 'I am going to come if you keep it up.'

'That kind of was the idea,' she said, giggling. 'If you are not going to lick me, I have to take care of myself after all.'

'I am going to lick you alright,' said James, biting her shoulder gently and soothing the bite with a swipe of his tongue afterwards. 'But first, you have to get me off or I won't be able to concentrate properly.'

'Fine,' panted Lily. 'What do you want me to do?'

'Quid pro quo,' said James. 'Suck me off.'

'Making me go first hardly seems gentlemanly,' teased Lily. She slipped her right hand into his boxers and gave him a little squeeze. James hissed in response. 'But you do seem to have a rather big problem here. I would be awfully mean of me not to help you out here, wouldn't it?'

'It certainly would be,' said James.

'Alright then,' said Lily grinning wickedly. 'But you could have asked me more nicely.'

'I have never claimed to be a gentleman,' said James. 'Hang on, I am going to lie down.'

He let himself falls back on the soft mattress, taking Lily with him. The bed quivered slightly on their impact, but it was soft enough so that James did not feel any discomfort.

'Let's get these out the way,' said Lily, tugging at James's boxers. James wiggled his bum a little and together they managed to get the offending object off. James used the opportunity to get rid of his undershirt, leaving him completely naked.

'Hello there,' said Lily, eyeing his sizable erection. She grabbed it again and softly stroked it. 'I always forget how huge it looks in my hand.'

'You have tiny hands,' said James humbly.

'I have a feeling that's not the only cause for this,' she said, looking amused. She bent down and kissed him again while she worked on his member. James groaned at the sensory overload. It was wonderful, but he really wanted to feel her mouth on his co*ck soon. He wanted to tell her to hurry up, but he was rather limited in his ability to communicate with her tongue down his throat.

Nevertheless, Lily seemed to know what he was feeling as she broke the kiss and started kissing her way down his body. It seemed to take her forever, but finally she had reached his co*ck. She gave the tip a little peck, before softly starting to lick along the underside of the shaft.

'Don't tease,' said James in a constricted voice. 'Take it in your mouth. And use your hand as well.'

'So bossy,' she said. 'Patience is a virtue, you know.'

James only harrumphed in response and Lily took pity on him. She opened her mouth and finally engulfed his throbbing co*ck. She could barely fit half of it in her mouth. James felt a flash of pride at the fact. However, the thought was quickly wiped from his mind as she started to massage him with her tongue. James groaned and closed his eyes at the sensation. If he continued to look at her face, he would come within seconds. The sight of her long red hair fanned over his crotch like that was just too much for him. However, averting his eyes did not help much. He still approached his org*sm at lightning speed. He managed to groan a warning at Lily, but to his surprise she did not move away from his co*ck. As a consequence he spilled his seed in her mouth. She obviously had not been prepared as most of it trickled down her face, but James appreciated the effort nevertheless. When she had regained her breath, she quickly grabbed her wand and vanished the mess, trying her best to look dignified at the time.

'That was unexpected,' said James. He pulled her down towards himself and kissed her gently on the mouth. 'You have never let me finish in your mouth before.'

'I feel like trying new things today,' she said, pressing her body against his. 'But it did not work as I expected it to be. I wanted to swallow it.'

'Did you now?' said James, arching an eyebrow. 'Well, if you need more practice, I won't complain. '

'Shut up,' she said, blushing again and slapping him lightly on the chest. 'I believe you wanted to return the favour now.'

'Yes,' said James, flipping their bodies in a smooth movement. 'I am going to get a taste of you now. And I am going to keep the skirt in place. I am not sure yet what I will do with your knickers though. Should I peel them off or just push them a little to the side. What do you think?'

He snuck his right hand under her skirt and gently stroked her through her soaked knickers. She squeaked and pressed against his hand, eager for more friction. James bit down on her neck gently and snuck a finger inside the damp cotton for better access.

'What is it with you and the skirt?' asked Lily in a husky voice.

'I have this fantasy,' said James. 'We are in a dreadfully boring lesson like History of Magic. Nobody pays any attention to us and you are as bored as I am. To spice things up, I dive under the table and slip between your legs. Now all I have to do, to lick you is to spread your legs a little and get rid of the knickers and then I can get you off without anyone being the wiser. I have that about it so many times that by now just the sight of that skirt sets a thrill down my spine.'

'That's... that's quite a fantasy,' said Lily, squirming against his touch. Her eyes were dark with lust and she was panting. 'James... you promised me to use your mouth, not just your fingers.'

'So impatient,' said James, gently slipping a finger inside her folds. He groaned at how tight and wet she was. The thought of getting his co*ck inside her was tantalizing. 'I seem to remember you telling me that patience was a virtue not so long ago.'

'Please,' she begged. 'I need more! Either get your mouth down there or finger f*ck me properly.'

'Such coarse language,' said James teasingly. He removed his finger from her puss* and brought it up to his mouth. With her looking closely, he put it in his mouth and sucked it clean. Her familiar musky taste spread in his mouth, not delicious, but not unpleasant either. She groaned at the sight.

'Spread your legs,' he said. She obliged immediately and he dived beneath her skirt. She raised her bum immediately so he could tug down her knickers a little. Her red curls were soaked with her juices and her glistening small opening looked very inviting. James briefly considered teasing her even further, but in the end decided to get a move on. He gave her a long sweeping lick over the length of her sex which caused her to squeak before starting to work on her in earnest. Lily buried her hands in what parts of his hair she could reach with him being under her skirt and tried to push him even closer to her. James could tell from the strength of her grip that she was close already. He pleasured her with only his tongue for a while before moving up to her cl*t. He pushed two fingers inside of her and starting to pump in and out in rhythm with his tongue. Lily shuddered and came with a shout. James continued his simulation until she had rode out her org*sm. He slipped out of skirt and wiped his face with his hand. Lily appeared rather dazed and James could not help but feel smug for moment. He himself was rather worked up again. His erection was back in full force and he was eager to f*ck her.

'You are looking way too pleased with yourself,' said Lily in a breathless voice.

'You were not complaining a few moments ago,' said James dryly. He gave her a peck on the lips. Lily wrinkled her nose at the taste, but did not push him away. 'I want to shag you, Lily.'

She was quiet for a moment, a ponderous look at her face. Then she nodded.

'Alright,' she said.

'What?' asked James, thrown by her agreement.

'I said its fine,' she repeated, looking at his disbelieving face. 'As I have said, I feel like trying something new tonight. You have to be careful though.'

'Of course,' said James hastily. His mind was already racing with a number of delicious images. He opted to stick with the basics for tonight though. It was her first time after all. 'I will be gentle. It seems that we should get rid of the skirt after all.'

'It couldn't last forever,' she giggled. Together they managed to strip away the piece of clothes quickly. James used the opportunity to remove her socks as well, leaving her as naked as he was.

'Alright,' he said. 'You just lie back, spread your legs and try to relax. Leave the rest to me.'

She nodded, looking nervous and rather young all of a sudden. James gave her another kiss to calm her down and focused his attention back to her puss*. He cupped it gently and found it still sopping wet. Good, she was almost ready. He slipped two fingers inside and when those entered easily added a third one. That made things rather tight, but he was quite sure that he could get his co*ck inside without causing her too much discomfort. For a moment he only worked with his fingers to get her ready and excited again. When he was satisfied, he pulled them out, causing Lily to make a noise of protest at the loss.

'You are going to get something better right away,' he said. He grabbed hold of his hard co*ck and guided it to the entrance. He pressed gently and was pleased when it slipped it at the third attempt. Merlin, she was tight! James groaned when he felt her moist and tight walls grab hold of his co*ck. It was a good thing that he had come already, otherwise this would be over shortly before it began. He pressed in further and encountered some resistance. James had never deflowered a girl before, but he knew enough about the subject to guess that he had just touched Lily’s hymen. He pushed on hard and broke through the barrier, making her gasp with pain in the process. He paused when he was all the way in and focused his attention on her face.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked. She had closed her eyes and was breathing hard.

‘I am fine, keep going,’ she said. ‘I guess the first time is supposed to be painful.’

‘Right,’ said James. He slowly started pumping in and out of her. He was careful not to trust in too deeply. He could not get more than three quarters of his co*ck in and he did not want to bruise her cervix after all. Deflowering someone was much less fun than he had expected. It was rather frustrating not to be able to let himself go and pound into her. However, there were compensations. Lily was deliciously tight and she looked heavenly with her face screwed up in what he hoped was mostly pleasure as he moved inside her.

‘Harder, James,’ she said. ‘I am not going to break. Just shag me like you would shag any other girl.’

‘I am not sure that is wise,’ replied James. ‘I think you are supposed to get used to it first.’

‘You are already inside all the way, I am not going to get more used to it than I am now,’ she replied. To stress her point, she started moving her hips to meet his thrusts. Both James and she gasped at the sensation and James took the hint. He sped up, pushing all caution aside and build up the rough and familiar rhythm he always used when shagging. Lily tried to keep up with him and mostly succeeded even though her movements were still clumsy with inexperience. She seemed to enjoy herself properly now as she moaned with every one of his powerful thrusts. James kissed her again, stifling the moans and plundering her mouth with his tongue. He was close already. There was no way he was going to make her come before he finished. James supposed it would have been romantic to give her an org*sm during her first time, but there was nothing he could do about it now. This wasn’t a fairy tale after all.

‘I am not going to last much longer,’ he said. His left hand found her cl*t to speed things up a little, but he doubted that it would be enough.

‘It’s fine,’ panted Lily. ‘I will be there soon too.’

One particular tight contraction finally sent him over the edge. He groaned and spilled himself inside her. When he had finished coming, he pulled his rapidly softening co*ck out and replaced it with his fingers. Lily met the movement of his fingers like she had met the thrusts of his co*ck and it took only a little while for her to scream out her own release.

When everything was done they lay intertwined in each other arms both flushed and still slightly out of breath. A sudden bang startled both of them. The New Year had come while they had been busy and fireworks had started rising. James bent down and kissed Lily softly.

‘Happy new year love,’ he said.

‘Happy new year,’ she giggled. ‘I think it is going to be a good one.

‘I think so too,’ said James.

They got out of bed and watched the fireworks through his big bedroom window. For the first time today, James felt at peace with the world.

Chapter 34

Chapter Text

James had just barely started with his steak when Lily appeared by his side. She touched him on the shoulder to get his attention and leaned in very close to his ear.

'We need to talk after dinner,' she whispered. 'Meet me in the unused classroom on the second floor.'

Before James had the chance to reply she swept away and sat down at the end of the Gryffindor table, together with Alice, Frank and Mary. James was not sure what to think about her behaviour. He was quite sure that she had avoided him on the train.

'Evans seems rather jumpy today,' commented Sirius, looking after the redhead. 'It is the first day back after the Christmas holidays. What could she possibly worry about?'

'No idea,' said James truthfully. He had not properly talked to Lily since New Year's Eve and he was starting to get a bit worried. When they had woken on the first day of the New Year, she had been in quite a rush to get going. She had talked Marlene into dropping her off at her parents so that her excuse of staying at Marlene's place would be more believable. They had had to hurry, because Lily parents wanted her back in time for a family brunch. As school had started only a few days later, they had not been in contact via owl post. As a consequence, he was not sure how she was handling the loss of her virginity so far. The fact that she seemed worried all out of a sudden probably wasn't a good sign.

'Ah, it is probably something boring anyway,' said Sirius. 'Knowing her, she is stressing about whether her holiday homework is good enough or something equally dull.'

'Be nice, Sirius,' scolded Marlene. 'Lily is much more fun than you think she is. You just don't want to give up your impression of her as a bookish stick in the mud.'

'Well, she shouldn't act like one then,' said Sirius carelessly. 'I much prefer adventurous girls like you anyway.'

He bent over and gave her a small peck on the lips, which seemed to pacify her. James shook his head at his best mate. Sirius could be very charming if he wanted to be. Normally, his best mate preferred to burn all bridges when he was bored with a bird. James had gotten used to the cold and downright hurtful behaviour his best mate showed in these situations, so seeing him act in such an affectionate manner startled him. Remus seemed to share his surprise as he too was watching Sirius with a rather shocked expression on his face.

'Are you two sill not-dating each other?' James asked Sirius and Marlene casually. 'Or can I get away with calling you a couple by now?'

'Still not-dating,' said Sirius firmly.

'True,' said Marlene. 'Why do you ask?'

'Just checking,' said James while trying to keep his amusem*nt from showing on his face. 'I thought that maybe something had changed over your shared holiday.'

'Why would we change anything?' asked Sirius. 'Things are fine just the way they are now.'

'Sirius is right,' said Marlene. 'We are just where we want to be.'

'Right,' said Remus. 'I suppose it is useless to point out that the two of you act like a couple in everything but name?'

'Completely,' said Sirius. 'You don't know what you are talking about after all.'

'I see,' said Remus. He and James exchanged a pointed look and decided to drop the issue. It was clear to them that Sirius and Marlene were rather fond of each other and were only so insistent about their supposed lack of a relationship, because both of them were afraid of commitment. Neither Remus nor James felt comfortable with addressing that topic though. Both Marlene and Sirius were rather sensitive about it after all. Besides, James had his own problems to worry about. He finished his steak quickly and opted to skip pudding today in favour of speaking with Lily earlier. He caught her eyes over the distance, made a comment about having to talk to her to his friends and left the hall. He slipped into the abandoned classroom she had been talking about a few minutes later. It did not take long for her to show up. She seemed rather frazzled when she closed the door behind her. A locking charm and a silence charm later she wheeled around to face him, her eyes oddly bright.

'You wanted to talk, right?' asked James. 'Are you alright?'

'Maybe, I am not sure yet,' she said. 'Do... do you remember New Year's Eve?'

'Naturally,' said James. 'I don't usual forgetting sleeping with someone.'

'Right,' said Lily. 'Well... if you remember closely, you might notice that we didn't use any protection.'

'Protection?'

'Yes, protection,' she snapped. 'You know, like a condom.'

'Oh, right,' said James, finally catching on. 'We don't really use condoms in the wizarding world. I only know what they are because Sirius liked to share that part of his Muggle Studies class. We rely on a contraceptive potion. I assumed that you were on the potion that night.'

'Well, I wasn't', said Lily and she looked rather distressed. 'And since the next day I have worried about the fact that I have been so careless. I might get pregnant! I am too young to get pregnant! What would my parents think? It is a nightmare! My life is ruined!'

'Whoa, relax,' said James. 'You are not going to get pregnant! I am on the potion myself, it is perfectly safe.'

'What?' said Lily, looking astonished. 'What potion?'

'There is a contraception potion for witches and one for wizards,' said James slowly. He could not believe that she didn't know about the male variant of the potion! While it had never been as popular as the female version, it was still a staple for many young wizards, especially for the ones who liked to switch their partners frequently. 'You didn't take any, but I took mine. Everything is going to be fine.'

She looked stunned for a moment, then she snapped back to attention and slapped him hard on the chest.

'You prat!' she snapped while looking immensely relieved at the same time. 'You could have told me that right away! Here I was, worrying about this for days and there was no problem all along!'

'I thought you knew,' said James. 'Do you really think I would deflower a girl while I am off the potion? I may be reckless, but I am not that reckless!'

'Hey, it was a reasonable assumption,' said Lily. 'Most wizards like to leave it to the ladies after all! Why haven't I heard about the male variant of the potion before?'

'Well, you are Muggle-born, so your parents could not tell you about it,' said James. 'And there are no classes teaching that stuff at Hogwarts. I thought your dorm mates might have told you. At least Marlene should know about that stuff.'

'All they have told me is to have some contraceptive potion ready in my trunk at all time,' said Lily. 'I have only taken it as a precaution as few times and did not have any at home on New Year's Eve which is way I forgot to take it in the first place. They never told me that there was a potion available for wizards as well! They only said that I should take care of contraception myself if I wanted to be sure that I was save.’

'That's good advice,' said James, grinning at her. 'Too bad it did not work out that way.'

'Shut up,' she said without malice. 'Tell me about the male contraceptive potion.'

'Well, in contrast to the more longer-lasting female one, it has to be taken twice daily to have an effect,' said James. 'Sirius and I use it every day, while Remus and Peter don't bother. It is rather common in pure-blood circles, but not so much in more... progressive cycles.'

'Really?' said Lily, looking interested. 'Why is that? Sounds like a good way to make sure you don't get some poor girl pregnant. There is nothing like that in the Muggle world and I think many Muggle men would love it. Why would some wizards not use it?'

'Using it is quite is a hassle,' said James. 'It has to be taken at the proper time, in the proper amount and it does taste vile. To make things worse, you have to take off a week from using it every two months, because it becomes toxic over chronic use. It is not exactly a pepper-up potion. If you forget a dose, you are instantly fertile again, so it is easy to slip up. So unless you have a good reason to be extra careful, many wizards don't bother with it.'

'I can see why Sirius needs a good contraceptive,' said Lily. 'He used to shag everything that moved after all, but you have never been that bad. How come you are using it then?'

'Because I have a rather forgetful girlfriend,' joked James. Lily slapped him lightly on the arm, but grinned at him nevertheless. 'Most because I am a wealthy pure-blood, I guess. And I like to be in control, so it is a rather natural fit.'

'What have your blood-status or your money have to do with it?'

'What do you think?' asked James. 'Getting yourself pregnant with some pure-blood's baby is the most reliable way to get him to marry you and receive a nice big chunk of his fortune in the process. Bastards are no big deal for most half-bloods, but they can still cause quite a scandal in the more traditional families. I have heard tales of families paying off the mother with huge sums of gold, so that she keeps quite about the whole thing and takes care of the baby on her own. It is not as rare as you think.'

'That's horrible,' said Lily, looking aghast at the very idea. 'Who in her right mind would be that manipulative? Just imagine only having a baby with someone just because you want to get a part of his money! That poor child!'

James was amused by her naiveté. He was quite sure that this kind of behaviour was not limited to wizards. Lily did not seem to pay attention to neither the Muggle nor the Wizarding tabloids. Otherwise, she would have encountered gold-digging women before.

'I agree, but it happens,' he said. 'Just think off William Hard, the seeker of the Appleby Arrows. If the tabloids can be believed, he got some witch he barely knew pregnant and they are bound to get married in a few months. I am willing to bet that she would have been more careful about getting pregnant if she had not snagged a filthy rich Quidditch player.'

'And he is going to marry her?' said Lily. 'Some person he doesn't know? Why would he do that?'

'I am not sure,' said James. 'Probably to save his image. He is only twenty-five, so he still wants to play for quite a while. Some of the more established Quidditch teams are hesitant to hire anyone with a bad reputation. Quidditch is a family sport after all. So, the Arrows and his manager probably pressured him into it.'

'Madness,' said Lily. 'I am just glad that you are taking contraception seriously. Our life is difficult enough without an unwanted pregnancy in the mix.'

'I am nothing but responsible,' said James dryly, causing Lily to snort. 'Now that we know that we are being safe, why don't we put that deliciously empty room to good use?'

'Hm...' she said, stepping closer to him and toying with his tie. 'And what exactly do you have in mind?'

'I think, you know very well what I have in mind,' said James, bending down to give her a scorching kiss. 'In fact, I think that desk over there has the perfect height to bend you over it so that I can have my way with you.'

'You are such a romantic,' she giggled, but she did not resist him. 'We have to be quick though: I told Marlene that I would join her and the rest of girls for some girl time later in the evening.'

'I can do quick,' said James and went to work.

* * * * *

A few weeks later, James was sitting in the library with Peter. While James preferred not to spend too much time there, Peter said it helped him concentrate. So, James had agreed to meet him here after Quidditch training to help him with a rather advanced transfiguration essay. He had not been looking forward to it. He was not a born tutor, especially in transfiguration, as he tended to make leaps and bounds in his explanations which someone without a very firm grasp of the subject could not understand. Naturally, this lead to a lot of frustration for both James and whomever he was tutoring. Remus was much better at this kind of work, but he was busy with his ancient runes essay and while Sirius was almost as good in transfiguration as James was, he had not patience whatsoever for their less gifted son. So, James had told Peter that he would proof read his essay and point out any errors, but that he didn't have the time to explain everything before Peter got to work in the first place. Peter had happily agreed ever thought that was not going to help him much if he was truly clueless. James had hoped that Peter would be able to understand most of the subject if he spent some times reading the theory, but one quick glance at the much too short essay dashed his hope. He started reading it and made annotations to it with his quill. Peter was watching him eagerly and James tried to keep his face blank to not dishearten him. He had known after the first few sentences that this essay could not be saved. A full rewrite was necessary if Peter wanted to get a passing grade.

'And, how is it?' asked Peter after quarter of an hour. 'Do you think it is enough for an A? I think I have gotten most about what McGonagall was saying about the limits of conjuration, but at some points I was not sure whether I had gotten them right. I still don't understand why you can’t conjure food of all things. I mean, it an apple is much less complicated than a broomstick, but the it is impossible to conjure properly. It doesn’t make any sense!'

'Technically, you are able to conjure an apple,’ said James. ‘It is just not edible. But I see what you mean. It seems illogical that we are able to conjure living creatures, but fail to produce anything edible.’

'Could you get around it by someone an animal and eat it instead?’ asked Peter. ‘You know, conjure something like a rabbit, kill it and prepare a meal from it.’

‘No, you can’t,’ said James. ‘First of all, conjured animals don’t last for a long time, so you would have to eat it quickly before it disappears. And even if you managed to do that, it will not be edible either. Nothing you have conjured can be eaten. No matter what. Even if you only conjure the corn to make bread and use proper ingredients of the rest of it, it will be spoiled.’

'And McGonagall wants me to explain all of this is the essay?' asked Peter, looking surprised. 'I don’t think I have mentioned it in that much detail. Let me see what annotations you have made already.'

He snatched back his essay before James could convince him to reconsider. He would have prepared to soften the blow before confronting Peter with the dismal state of his essay. Well, there was nothing he could do about it now. Peter quickly scanned the essay and his face became more and more frustrated with every passing sentence.

'Bloody hell, I am going to have to rewrite that thing,' he moaned after having reached the end of James's annotations. 'And it is due the day after tomorrow! How am I going to get this done in time?'

'You could always skip divination,' said James. 'I don't know why you take that rubbish subject in the first place.'

'It is an easy pass,' said Peter. 'I am quite sure that most of it is rubbish, but just imagine how wonderful it would be to be able to predict the future! My great-grandfather was a seer, have I ever told you that?'

'No, you haven't,' said James. He was rather surprised at that piece of information. There was an abundance of people who claimed to be seers, but only very few true ones. The magical talent required for predicting the future was rare and James would not have suspected it in the Pettigrew family tree of all places. After all, Peter was many things, but he wasn't an extraordinary wizard. 'Was he officially recognized by the Ministry? My father once told me that the Ministry creates records of certain prophecies and stores them in a safe place. I wonder if any from your ancestor were recorded.'

'I am not sure,' said Peter. 'But it was a long time ago, back when the Ministry was not as powerful as it is today. So, it is rather unlikely that any records exist. In any case, no one in my family has ever been a seer again, so I guess it is about time that it produces another one. Maybe I will wake up one day and be able to predict the future.'

James considered that highly unlikely. He did not believe in fate and therefore found the whole idea of a predetermined future laughable. It did not help that Peter was one of the most mundane people he had ever met. He was not going to say that to Peter’s face though. If his friend wanted to make Divination more interesting by pretending that he had some kind of talent for the stupid subject it was fine with him. He was not about to ridicule that dream.

‘Well, if you are that talented in Divination then skipping it tomorrow will not set you back,’ said James. ‘You should seriously consider using the time for the transfiguration essay. Your last few weren’t great and McGonagall is bound to put you in detention if you submit another subpar one. She has been serious about N.E.W.T.s after all.’

Peter paled at the thought of detention with their strict head of house. While he usually handled detention well enough if he was with the rest of the Marauders, singular detention was something else entirely. James had the distinct feeling that his small friend had never outgrown the fear of their transfiguration teacher.

‘You are right, I think I am going to skip divination then,’ said Peter. ‘But I am calling it quits for tonight. I need some time to think about what I want to put in the essay. I will start first thing tomorrow. Thanks for the help, Prongs.’

‘No problem,’ said James. ‘Are you heading back to Gryffindor tower?’

‘Yeah,’ said Peter. ‘Are you coming as well?’

‘I think, I am about to have a head meeting,’ said James with a smile on his face. He had just spotted Lily making their way over to them. She was wearing her long red hair loose today and James appreciated the sight. He wondered why she was showing up though. They had not scheduled any regular head meeting and he had told her that he was going to help Peter tonight.

‘Ah,’ said Peter. ‘I am going to leave you two to it then. I don’t want to get in the way. I will see you back in the tower, James.’

He gathered his things quickly and scrambled off, leaving James alone with Lily.

‘Well, well, well, if it isn’t my favourite head-girl,’ said James with a grin on his face. ‘What can I do for you on this fine evening?’

‘We have got to talk, in private,’ said Lily quietly, as she said down opposite of him.

'Hardly the best place for it,' said James, gesturing at the busy library. 'Maybe we should go somewhere where we are alone.'

'Not going to happen,' she said. 'We spend too much time alone as it is: People are getting suspicious. Alice asked me just yesterday whether there was something going on between you and me.'

'And what did you say?' he asked. Maybe she had finally gotten over her ridiculous desire to keep their relationship a secret. Surely telling someone as pleasant as Alice was not going to do any harm.

'I denied everything of course,' said Lily, looking at him as though he was mad. 'I told her that it was only natural that we spent a lot of time together as we are co-heads. I think she believed me.'

'Thank god,' said James. He tried to keep his sarcasm from colouring his voice too much. He doubted that Lily would appreciate it. Personally, he didn't care about whatever suspicions anyone harboured with regards to Lily and him. He would be perfectly fine to go public with their relationship after all. Sadly, there had not been any movement in that regard since the term had started. Lily still refused to tell anyone even though her parents knew about their relationship by now. James did not understand what the problem was, but he knew her well enough to tell that she was not going to budge until she was ready. 'So, are we going to stay here?'

'Yes,' said Lily. She whipped out her wand and cast a Muffiliato to keep their conversation private. It was not ideal, but it would do. Still, James would have preferred to talk without an audience.

'Alright,' he said, 'what is it?'

'The full-moon will be in three days,' said Lily, keeping her voice so quiet that James had a hard time understanding her. 'Are you going to be gone for the night again?'

'Sure,' said James. 'Moony needs me.'

Lily pursed her lips. She did not seem happy with the answer.

'And you are still not going to tell me what exactly you and the others are doing?' she asked.

'That's right,' said James. 'Believe me, it is better for both of us if you don't know. It will keep everyone much safer.'

'Meaning that you don't trust me.'

'Not in this thing, I don't,' said James, hating this discussion already. 'I cannot trust anyone else with this particular secret.'

'Why?' she asked. 'What kind of secret could possibly that sensitive?'

'One I cannot tell you anything about without incriminating myself,' said James firmly. 'Just leave it alone, Lily. Knowing what we do will only put you in an uncomfortable position. You are better off not knowing. And don't even try discovering what we do by yourself! We have a lot of practice in doing what we do in secret. You will not learn anything and put yourself in danger in the process.'

'I can't just leave this alone,' protested Lily. 'I don't know what you are doing, but from what little you tell me it is illegal, dangerous or both. I am supposed to know about stuff like this!'

'Why?' asked James. 'There is nothing you can do about it and it will only harm you.'

'I am your girlfriend, I am supposed to help you with your problems, not just stand by and watch you putting yourself in danger,' said Lily.

James felt a warm wave of affection spread through him at these words. He never got tired of hearing her say that she was his girlfriend. However, his resolution to keep their animagus identity a secret from her did not waver. There was no way he was going to share a secret that big at this stage of their relationship. She had not even publically admitted that they were dating for Merlin's sake!

'I am glad you feel that way, but I am still not going to tell you,' he said calmly. 'I don't feel comfortable sharing this secret with you. Or with anybody for that matter.'

'I can't believe you are shutting me out like that!' said Lily, her eyes sparkling with anger.

'Can't you?' asked James, raising an eyebrow. He knew he was being a bit of a git, but her hypocrisy annoyed him nevertheless.

'What is that supposed to mean?' said Lily, bristling.

'You want me to tell you my biggest secret while you refuse to acknowledge to the rest of the castle that we are dating,' said James. 'That seems quite imbalanced to me, don't you agree?'

Lily opened her mouth to answer him, but closed it again without saying anything. It seemed that he had rendered her speechless for the first time in his life. Wordlessly, she stood up from the table and swept out of the room, an odd expression on her face. James was not sure that she was thinking right now, but he was rather glad that she was leaving.

Chapter 35

Chapter Text

James had just stepped out of his long shower and wrapped a towel around himself when Remus showed up. It was the last week of January and the weather was cold and wet. After the long Quidditch training session, James had been frozen despite his warming charm and decided a long shower was just what he needed. In fact, he had taken so long that the rest of the team had already left. James did not mind terribly much, he occasionally enjoyed some time on his own. The appearance of his werewolf friend surprised James. Remus did not take much interest in the practice sessions of the team, so something must be up.

'Oh, good, here you are,' asked Remus. 'I asked Sirius where you were and he told me that you were trying to beat the world record for the longest shower.'

'Sirius is a git,' grumbled James good-naturedly. 'He complained during the full training about the cold and now he is berating me for warming myself up.'

'Do you have a minute?' asked Remus. He looked around the empty room quickly. 'We are alone, aren't we?'

'We are,' said James distractedly. He walked to his locker, opened it and started extracting fresh clothes. 'We can talk as long as you don't mind me getting dressed in the process. I need to put something warm on. It is freezing in here.'

'Sure, go ahead,' said Remus. He tactfully averted his eyes when James removed his towel. James smiled as his friend's antics. Remus should know by now that James was not a very modest person and did not care about one of his friends seeing him naked.

'What is it you wanted to talk about?' asked James, while he slipped on his socks.

'Is there something going on between you and Lily?' asked Remus. 'Things seem rather strained between the two of you. I mean, it is tough to tell as you keep your relationship a secret, but I thought...'

'You are babbling, Remus,' said James dryly. 'And you are right. We had a fight a few weeks ago and things have been tense since then.'

Since they had fought about the animagus secret, there had been an underlying tension between them. Lily had not breached the topic again, but James could tell that she was still seething about his supposed lack of trust in her. James had struggled with his desire to say something about the rift between them, but he had never found the right words. Also, he was not in the wrong and therefore shouldn't have to apologize at all. They still had sex, but it was further in between and less passionate. He was not sure what to do.

'I thought so,' said Remus. 'Do you mind telling me what it was about?'

James hesitated for a moment. On the one hand, Remus was surely going to take the subject of their argument badly. James would bet ten galleons on Remus finding some way to make it his fault. On the other hand, he was dying to talk with someone about this topic. He was reaching the end of his rope and some input would be very welcome. To hell with it! He was going to tell Remus and just see what happened.

'She wants to know what we are doing on the full moons,' said James. 'Don't worry, I still haven't told her. She is not supposed to know anything about us being animagi. It would only put her in danger. I have told her all that before back in November, but still she is pushing me to tell her everything. It is driving me crazy! Anyway, she was giving me this spiel about how it is her job as a girlfriend to help me and that I am supposed to trust her. My temper got the better of me and I told her that she was in no position to lecture me given that she doesn't even want to acknowledge the fact that we are dating to the rest of the castle. That shut her up, but I think I have overdone it. Things have not been the same ever since.'

'Oh dear,' said Remus, running a hand over his face. 'I was afraid that it was something like that. Did you mean what you said to her? That you feel that she is holding back and not really in a relationship with you?'

'Yes, I did and I still do,' said James. 'It just feels so hypocritical! She knows that we do something shady on the full moon, which is more than I have ever shared with anyone, but it isn't enough for her! I just feel like I am overly invested in that relationship in comparison to her! She wants to take everything but is no ready to give anything in return.'

'I see,' said Remus. 'Why do you think she wants to know about our moonlight adventures that badly?'

'Well, she has always been rather nosy, hasn't she?' said James. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. 'But I shouldn't be unfair. I think she really cares about our safety and that she wants to help. She just cannot accept the fact that there is nothing she can do to help instead of backing off and giving us space. I try to make her see it, but I can't get it into her head. Why can't she just let it be? Amber had no problem with me spending the nights with the rest of the Marauders!'

'Amber is not Lily,' said Remus sagely. James laughed hollowly at the statement.

'That's certainly true,' he said. 'A blessing and a curse at the same time.'

'Why don't we just stop the full moon excursions?' asked Remus. 'I have been saying since the beginning that it is too dangerous. Lily has a point here. And I don't want to endanger your relationship just because the three of you want to make me feel better.'

'Absolutely not,' said James. 'You know how terrible your transformations are when you are on your own. I am not going to make you go through this hell alone. This is the whole point why we became animagi in the first place.'

'Yes, and while I am forever grateful for your support, it was a stupid and reckless idea in the first place,' argued Remus. 'I begged you not to go through with it, but as usual, all three of you have ignored me. I am not denying that you have helped me a great deal with your support, but I am not willing to let you jeopardize your relationship with Lily just because of me!'

'It is just a relationship, your health is much more important.'

'Don't give me that rubbish!' said Remus impatiently. 'Lily Evans was never just another girl for you! You have mooned after her for years! She is the girl you have always wanted and you want to tell me that now after such a long time of courting, you are prepared to throw the relationship away? Don't fool yourself, James!'

'What kind of person gives up on a friend in need just because of a girl?' asked James hotly. 'You are right: Lily is not just any girl. Still, if I had to choose between her and being able to help you, I would pick you in a heartbeat. I have lived without dating her for years and I am able to do it again in the future even if it will be painful. However, I would never forgive myself if I abandoned you when you needed me!'

'Merlin's beard, you are actually serious,' said Remus. His eyes were a bit misty and James could tell that his friend was touched. 'I... I don't know what to say.'

'Then don't say anything,' said James. 'Just promise me that you are not going to make me stop helping you on the full moons because of some misguided desire to help me.'

'Done,' said Remus in a slightly choked voice. 'But we have to figure out what to do with Lily nevertheless. I don't want you to have to choose.'

'I am open for suggestions,' said James bitterly. 'I just don't see how we are going to manage it. So far, it seems like I am the only one taking this relationship serious enough.'

'I think you are being overly negative about this,' said Remus. 'You have slept with Lily, haven't you?'

'Yes, how do you know?' asked James. 'I have never told anybody about that.'

'James, please,' said Remus. 'I have known you for more than six years by now. While you are quite cheerful by default, you don't spend days with a slightly demented grin on your face without a very good reason. Your incredibly good mood started on the first day of the New Year and Lily just happened to spend the night at your place. It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together.'

'Right,' said James, being slightly embarrassed. 'I thought I had been reasonably stealthy as neither Sirius nor you asked me about it. Who else knows about it?'

'Peter was actually the first to notice it,' said Remus. 'It is easy to overlook him, but he has is rather good in reading people. I am not sure if anyone else knows, but I wouldn't be surprised if Marlene is in on the secret as well. She is close to Sirius and Lily after all.'

'There is no way she knows,' said James quickly. 'She would have teased me into next year if she knew that I was dating Lily of all people.'

'Maybe,' said Remus pensively. 'I just thought that Lily might have shared her secret with one of girls. Marlene seems like a logical choice.'

'Lily is too terrified of what the other girls would think to do that,' said James. 'I think she does not want to admit that she has been wrong about me all along. The whole blood purity nonsense does not help.'

'Anyway, what I am trying to say is that Lily is putting some effort into the relationship even if she is not moving as quickly as you want her to,' said Remus. 'I can see why you are frustrated, but you had a lot of more time to come to terms with the thought of dating her than she has. You have spent years lusting after her after all.'

'I wasn't lusting after her,' protested James. Remus quelled him with a disbelieving look.

'You were, shut up,' he said, smiling slightly. 'Fine, if you want to put it more delicately, you have fancied her for a long time. Also, you have never cared overly much what other people thought of you. You were not afraid of ridiculing yourself for months chasing after her. Lily is a strong person, but she is not used to acting out like you nor is she used to other people's scrutiny. Everybody in the school knows who you are, you are the heir of a prominent family, and you have had experience in dealing with all this attention for your whole life. Lily has never experienced anything like this. The moment your relationship will be public, she will have to deal with it and I think she is afraid of that. I think she will get over it with time, but until then, she is only going to work at the relationship in secret. Did you take her virginity?'

'What?' asked James, thrown by that rather indiscrete question.

'Her virginity,' said Remus, rolling his eyes. 'Did you take it?'

'Yes,' said James. 'But I don't see what it matters.'

'It matters, because the first time is something special, especially for a girl,' said Remus. 'Do you think she would have let you shag her if she wasn't serious about being with you? You do have the reputation of a womanizer after all even if it is not quite justified.'

'No, she wouldn't have let me,' said James slowly. 'And she did take her sweet time with it. Lily is everything but easy to shag, so naturally it did mean something to her when she decided she wanted to lose her virginity to me. You are right, maybe I am overreacting to her not wanting to go public about our relationship.'

'I am glad you see it now,' said Remus. 'Just because you are angry with her about her curiosity, doesn't mean that you should start doubting everything about your relationship. It is not easy to tell as you are not out as a couple in public, but I have the feeling that the two of you are quite a good fit.'

'Maybe, maybe not,' said James. 'Honestly, it is too early to tell, even though I am obviously want it to be true. Still, what I am supposed to do now? Lily is mad because I am keeping secrets from her and I am not going to apologize. I have done nothing wrong after all. This issue will keep popping up at least every month and I absolutely cannot tell her the truth. It would put every one of us in danger. Lily has proven that she can keep a secret when she kept quiet about your lycanthropy, but the situation has changed. If we break up and things get messy there is no telling what she might do about it. I am not comfortable with taking that risk. She does not have as much to lose as we do after all.'

'I think it is very interesting that someone as trusting as you would be that cautious,' said Remus. 'After all, you would never suspect one of us capable of betraying your secret, but you can picture Lily doing it.'

'You three are different from Lily,' said James dismissively. 'I am not dating one of you, am I? You know what girls are capable of if you treat them badly enough. Just look at all the messy breakups Sirius had had in the past. Or think back to Marlene's last relationship. Davies was crushed when she was done with him and I think he would have loved to give her some payback. There is no telling what can happen in a relationship.'

'I think your heritage is showing,' said Remus. 'Always on the lookout, planning steps in advance, trying to be in control: You might a reckless and brave Gryffindor, but occasionally you are cool and calculating like a Slytherin.'

'That hurts, Moony.'

'It is not a bad thing,' said Remus. 'Occasionally thinking about the consequences of your actions is rather smart, don't you think?'

'True, but Slytherins are evil nevertheless,' said James. 'Just look at the number of Dark Wizards this house has produced! That cannot be a coincidence. Slytherins are known to be ambitious and cunning, a combination which must be a breeding ground for the Dark Arts. I don't want to have anything to do with it!'

'Fine,' said Remus looking rather exasperated. James knew that his best mate had a point, even though it was only a tiny one. Still, he was sensitive about the issue nevertheless. As the heir of old pure-blood family, many people expected him to support all the blood purity non-sense. James was sick and tired of fighting against this reputation.

By now, he had finished dressing and as a finishing touch, put on the heritage ring of his family. Even though the ring was impervious to water, it didn't feel right to wear it when he was showering. Remus watched him slip it on and raised an eyebrow.

'You have been wearing the ring every day for quite a while now,' he commented. 'Have you gotten used to it? I remember you complaining about it back in sixth year.'

'More or less,' said James. 'My family is a part of me after all and there is no point in denying who I am. But I am not too happy with the extra protection my father has put on the ring. It is a bit invasive.'

'What do you mean?' asked Remus puzzled.

'The ring tracks my location and reports it back to my father. He put the enchantment on it after our little mission during the holidays. He is worried that the Death Eaters will capture me or one of my parents to force us to join them. I think he is being a bit paranoid. Things have been quiet for so long now, I think they have given up. We have never heard anything from them since our delivery.’

'Right,' said Remus. 'But Rosier has been looking very smug over the last few days. Maybe something it up.'

'Rosier is smug c*nt every day,' said James dismissively. 'At first I wanted to refuse to wear the ring after he told me, but my mother begged me to do it nevertheless. She pointed out that I was mostly in the castle anyway and that there was no invasion of my privacy as they couldn’t tell exactly what I was doing. It is a small comfort, but it is something.'

'Your father must be seriously worried if he resorts to that kind of methods,' said Remus. 'It seems rather excessive that he put a tracking charm on the ring.'

'Excessive is right,' said James. 'Originally, he wanted to turn the ring into a portkey as well, so that I can return to the manor whenever I am in danger. However, he couldn't find a way to make it work in conjunction with all the other enchantments on the ring, so he discarded the idea for now. I would have preferred the portkey to the tracking charm, though.'

'What has happened to spook him so much? Have the Death Eaters reached out to him again? They wanted him to prove his loyalty to the cause as well, didn't they?'

'They did, yes,' said James. 'But they haven't contacted him as far as I know. However, rumour has it that the Greengrass family has put their lot in with the Death Eaters as well, after staying on the fence for quite a long time. My father things that they have convinced the Greengrasses by abducting their eldest son. Nothing was proven, of course, but everybody is very anxious at the moment. I am not sure whether I believe it, though. The Greengrass family has a reputation for flirting with the dark arts, so they could have chosen to support Voldemort for much less nefarious reasons than blackmail.'

'It doesn't hurt to be careful,' said Remus. 'If the rumours are true and the Death Eaters are prepared to blackmail pure-blood families with their heirs as bait, then you are going to be in danger, James. I think it is perfectly understandable that your father is worried about you. The Death Eaters would love to finally recruit you after all. They wouldn't have made so many attempts to do so if they weren't serious.'

'If they really think that I would even consider joining them, then they are even bigger fools then I have thought,' said James. 'Anyone who even remotely knows me, knows about my stance in the whole blood-purity business. The mere thought of me as a Death Eater is ludicrous. I am still surprised that my family has managed to stay on the fence for so long now. Everybody should know that we are going to oppose the Death Eaters as long as we live.'

'Your father does not seem to agree to that,' said Remus. 'He seems to think that it is possible for you to survive the conflict without taking an active part in it.'

'My father is old and overly cautious,' said James. 'He is a brilliant political mind, but he does not have the heart to fight for what is right anymore. We should be out there standing with the Ministry against the Death Eaters. Not hiding behind ambiguous words and actions trying to pull a fast one over both sides! I don't care that it is the smart thing to do. People are dying and we are sitting here doing nothing!'

'You are not even finished with school, James,' said Remus. 'There is nothing you can or should to about the war going on outside. If you want to make a difference, finish school and join the aurors when you are done.'

'My mother is going to go ballistic,' said James with a wry smile. 'She has tried to push me away from the auror's department for as long as I can remember. She has always been going on about how dangerous the job is and that my father has been a fool for not getting out of fieldwork sooner. But I can deal with it. I think you are right, Moony. I should join the aurors when I am done with school. If my father does not want to directly support the fight against Voldemort, fine. He is the head of the family, he makes the decisions. But he doesn't control what I do for a living. I can decided to be an auror just fine on my own.'

'I thought you were also considering playing professional Quidditch,' said Remus. 'What has changed?'

'Nothing and everything,' said James. 'I still think that I am good enough to go pro after school and I still want to do it. It has been my childhood dream for Merlin's sake! However, I feel like I have to do my part in the fight against Voldemort and that getting out of the fight by playing Quidditch would be the wrong thing to do. What if he wins while I am off playing Quidditch? What if I could have made a difference if I only had joined the aurors? I can't take that risk, can I?'

'Wars are not won or lost depending on a single soldier,' said Remus. 'But I understand what you are saying. Have you reconsidered your career plans because of Lily?'

'Why do you think that?' asked James.

'Well, I suppose it makes things even more personal,' said Remus. 'She is a Muggleborn and therefore a direct target of the Death Eaters. You hardly know any other Muggleborns and you have never fancied another Muggleborn girl. I know that you are no blood purist out of conviction, but that does not mean that Lily couldn't be the final nail in that particular coffin.'

'I guess it helps,' said James, 'but I would fight against Voldemort whether I was dating Lily or not. It is just the right thing to do.'

'Sirius has always said that you are a romantic,' said Remus, smiling slightly. 'I guess you are also an idealist.'

'Sirius is talking rubbish as usual,' said James. 'Anyway, we are getting side-tracked here. We are going to deal with the war after we are done with school. I have to deal with Lily now. What should I do about her? I don't see a way to get her to back off without hurting her even further.'

'Just promise her that you will tell her later,' said Remus. 'How about when school is done? Just tell her that you would love to tell her, but first want to see whether the two of you work in the long term. That ought to be enough to keep her satisfied for now.'

'Maybe,' said James slowly. 'What if she realizes that I am only trying to buy some time? I have made it very clear that I would prefer not to tell her at all because our secret is dangerous. If she puts two and two together, she might see what I am trying to do. After all, I still don't want to tell her. It is too risky and will only put her in danger.'

'I have thought about that as well,' said Remus. 'Sirius and I have done some research. He faces a similar problem to yours.'

James blinked.

'Is Marlene bothering him about the full moons?' he asked incredulously.

'Apparently she is,' said Remus. 'Sirius said that she had a go at him on the last one because she thinks he is shagging other witches.'

'Unbelievable,' said James. 'On the one hand she is harping on about how they are not-dating and then she gets jealous if Padfoot spends the night with us.'

'Sirius is aware of the irony,' said Remus dryly. 'He managed to deflect her questions, but it got him thinking nevertheless.'

'Don't tell me he wants to tell her,' said James. 'That would be utterly ridiculous. Sirius is an incredibly guarded person. It took him years to ever tell me how rotten his parents treated him and that was nothing compared to us being animagi.'

'Obviously, he doesn't want to tell her,' said Remus. 'He just wants to be prepared that is all. Oh, and naturally he denies that this means that Marlene is someone special to him.'

'Of course,' muttered James, shaking his head. 'Merlin's beard. At this rate, he is going to ask her to marry him one day, while claiming that it doesn't mean that he cares about her.'

'Anyway,' said Remus. 'The two of us did some thinking and I think we have come up with quite a good solution. I assume you know what an Unbreakable Vow is?'

'Are you mental?' asked James sharply. 'Are you aware what happens when you break such a vow?'

'Yes, you die,' said Remus calmly. 'That kind of is the whole point, to be honest. We want protection against either Lily or Marlene from leaking our secret. Hence, we need to make sure that they don't. The Unbreakable Vow achieves that. We just need to find out a way to do a proper wording and we will be safe.'

'Don't you think that this is too extreme?' said James. 'Unbreakable Vows are only used very rarely in wizarding society and for good reason. Very few people are willing to make such a vow because of the great risk involved. If Lily and Marlene have an ounce of sense, they will never agree to this.'

'Good,' said Remus. 'Then we have a reason not to tell them. Getting exposed as an illegal animagus can earn you five years in Azkaban. Are you willing to just take the risk? You have just told me that you want to keep Lily out of this and I quite agree. In the best case, the vow will stop her from bothering you, as she knows that we are not going to tell her without it in place. If she decides to take the vow, then we will be protected and all she has to do is to keep the secret. Something she should be doing in the first place. And if she decides to betray us, well, that is her burden to bear.'

‘That’s cold, Moony,’ said James. ‘We are talking about Lily and Marlene here! They aren’t our enemies! We shouldn’t have to make them keep our secrets at all!’

‘So, you are willing to tell Lily about you being an animagus just because you have faith in her?’ asked Remus.

James opened his mouth, but couldn’t think of anything to say.

‘I thought so,’ said Remus. ‘Look, I understand that we are walking a fine line here. I like both Lily and Marlene and I want to trust them, but Sirius, Peter and you are my closest friends and I have to make sure that you are protected. Telling Marlene and Lily is a risk and we have to mitigate it. It is for their safety as well as ours. There was a reason why you never told you parents about our secret and the very same reason also applies to Lily and Marlene. It is best for all parties involved if we keep the knowledge to ourselves. The Vow is just a backup plan if we have to tell the girls at some point in the future. We will just keep in on the backburner for now and see what happens.’

‘I don’t like it,’ said James.

‘You don’t have to like it,’ said Remus. ‘Just keep it in mind and think about it. It is the best Sirius and I could come up with. Just remember that most people are not as trusting or as trustworthy as you are. Even Sirius betrayed one of secrets after all.’

‘You can quite cynical sometimes, do you know that?’ asked James. ‘Seems like you have a Slytherin side as well.’

‘Maybe, but it is better to be cynical and prepared than being trusting and helpless,’ said Remus. ‘Besides, I have quite the experience with keeping secrets, haven’t I?’

James supposed that this was true. He grabbed his bag and walked back to the castle with Remus in silence.

Chapter 36

Chapter Text

To James's immense surprise, Remus strategy of staving off Lily until the end of the year worked like a charm. When he broke the news to her a few days after his discussion with Remus she had been very sympathetic about his difficult situation. She had even apologized for being so pushy about it in the first place. James had only nebulously mentioned security measures they would have to put in place when he finally told her, because he wanted to avoid committing to the whole Unbreakable Vow idea at the moment. He still was not sure that they should go through with it. Fortunately, Lily had not asked what exactly he had in mind. He guessed that they would just cross the bridge when they got there.

Things had normalized between them after their talk and James had been very relieved about the change. For the moment he could just enjoy being with Lily again. Well, as much as he could enjoy sneaking around as she still wanted to keep things private. Also, she still was rather disapproving about their full moon adventures, but she refrained from commenting about it. Between Quidditch, his head duties, spending time with Lily and a torrent of homework, the weeks passed swiftly. Suddenly, the Easter Holidays loomed on the horizon and James was excited to catch a break. Even though he was not going to get much rest with the amount of holiday work the teachers had assigned in conjunction with studying for the N.E.W.T.s, he was still happy to get out of the castle. He loved being in Hogwarts, but it wasn't his home. His parents were thrilled to have Sirius and him back at home, of course. Lily had opted to stay at Hogwarts over the break, claiming that she need to have access to the library to study properly. James had pestered her about coming to stay at his place. After all, his family owned quite the extensive library themselves and they would have the added benefit of not having to tiptoe around their relationship. Sadly, Lily had refused, stating that her parents would never let her stay over at his house for the whole holidays and that she doubted that she would get enough studying done when he was around to distract her all time. James suspected that the latter statement was probably accurate. Well, there was nothing he could do about it. So, he had had stolen a goodbye kiss from Lily on the morning of their departure and had taken the train back to London together with Sirius, Marlene and Peter. Remus, like Lily, took his exams most seriously and therefore had decided to remain at Hogwarts as well. James and Sirius had teased him mercilessly about his studious character, but it was nothing their werewolf friend was not used to by now. He could take a good ribbing any time of the day.

It was on the evening of the third day of the holidays when James and Peter decided to take a few drinks in the Leaky Cauldron. Sirius and Marlene were out on a date and James had tired of playing exploding snap with Peter rather quickly. He was in the mood for some more entertainment. When they arrived at the rather dingy pub, it was crowded, smoky and loud: Exactly what James had been looking for. He and Peter took a seat at the bar and James quickly ordered both of them a firewhiskey. They had just finished their shots, when Peter pointed out a familiar face in the crowd.

'Look over there,' he told James. 'Rosier is here as well.'

James turned around and spotted the Slytherin right away. He was looking straight at Peter and him and was talking quietly to his two companions. James could only see the face of one: He was a nasty and broody looking bloke in his thirties. His stomach gave a nasty lurch at the sight. The group emanated a foreboding aura. James wondered whether the other guests noticed it as well.

'Who is this severe looking bloke with him?' asked James. 'He seems familiar somehow.'

'Isn't that Macnair?' asked Peter.

'Who?'

'Walden Macnair,' said Peter. 'Shady character. We spotted him once in Knockturn Alley, when we were looking for more material on our animagus transformation. Do you remember? It was in Timmon’s Terrible Tomes. He was quite friendly with the owner.'

'Yeah, you are right,' said James. 'You have got a brilliant memory, Wormtail. I had forgotten about him altogether and I don't think I ever knew what he was called.'

'Well, I must be good in something,' said Peter, blushing a little.

'What do you think he is doing drinking with someone like Rosier who is much younger than he is?' asked James. 'If Macnair is as shady as you say, it cannot be anything good.'

'It can't be Death Eater stuff,' said Peter. 'They would not dare to talk about it in such a crowded pub, would they?'

'I wouldn't be so sure about that,' said James quietly. 'This place is packed and if they talk quietly enough, it will be quite hard to overhear them. Naturally, it would be smarter to meet in secret, but Rosier strikes me as sufficiently arrogant that he believes himself save no matter what. I doubt that he just happens to take a drink with someone like Macnair. There is something fishy going on here. Maybe we should try and listen in to them. But how would we do that?'

'James, no,' said Peter. 'Rosier has his eyes on us. He will notice if we try anything. We should just ignore them and take care of our own business. It is hardly smart to meddle in the affairs of the Death Eaters.'

'We can't just do nothing,' said James. 'Someone has to start pushing back against these gits!'

'The aurors do that,' said Peter. 'We are students, we should stay out of the war. It will find us soon enough anyway.'

'The aurors don't know that Rosier is a Death Eater.'

'We don't know that for sure either,' said Peter. 'Maybe he is just trying to appear well-connected and more dangerous than he truly. There could be a million reason why he is talking with Macnair today. We mustn't jump to conclusions. Hey, I just thought of something: There could very well be some aurors in here today. Maybe they have someone tailing Macnair.'

'Do you think so?' said James. He let his gaze sweep through the crowded pub. He didn't notice any on-duty aurors, but that didn't mean anything. If they had people watching the suspected Death Eaters, then they should be difficult to spot after all. Two wizards who were seated close to Rosier's table caught his eye. Both were in their thirties and were playing wizarding chess without talking to each other at all. They seemed rather alert though, maybe they were trying to listen in to Rosier's conversation. 'Yeah, it is possible. What do you think about the two wizards left of Rosier's table? They seem to be watching him closely if I am not mistaken.'

'Yeah, maybe,' said Peter ponderously. 'It is hard to tell though. I guess that is the whole point, isn't it? Nevertheless, we should stay away from people like Rosier. Even if he turns out not to be a Death Eater, he still gives me the creeps. I think he is touched in the head.'

'Why do you say that?' asked James. 'Rosier may be a pounce, but compared to people like Mulciber, he seems to be rather sane, doesn't he? At least he is a bloody sad*st psychopath.'

'I wouldn’t be too sure about it,' said Peter. 'I am not sure why, but there is something wrong with him. He is just so cold! Mulciber is a brute, Rosier seems to me like the type who likes pulling strings in the background. But I think he can be just as cruel as Mucliber and even more so.'

'Really?' asked James. 'I didn't know you knew him that well, Wormy.'

'I had a few unpleasant encounters with him,' said Peter vaguely. 'He and some of the other Slytherins like to think of me as free game when the rest of you aren't around.'

'Gits,' said James. 'Do you want me to take care of it? I may be head-boy, but I can still hex Slytherins into next week as long as I don't get caught.'

'Don't, I can take care of myself,' said Peter. 'The best way to deal with this is to ignore it. Rosier would love to get you stripped of your badge.'

'It boggles my mind that Rosier is most likely a Death Eater,' said James. 'I can't picture Voldemort recruiting seventeen year olds still in school. It is madness!'

'I think you are underestimating how committed You-Know-Who is to his cause,' said Peter. 'From what I have heard he has no reservations about who or what he uses to achieve his goals. Rumours have it that he has started recruiting werewolves. Just imagine the amount of chaos he can cause with a group of them at his disposal! If someone like Rosier wants to join him, why shouldn't he use him? The fact that Rosier is so young is a huge advantage. People like you are not going to take him seriously. It makes it much safer for him to operate.'

'It makes kind of sense when you put it like this,' said James. 'Do you think we can do something about it? I see no way to get the aurors interested in Rosier without solid proof and we don't even have of shred of that.'

'I don't think we can do anything,' said Peter. 'Rosier is no idiot. He will be careful not to appear too linked to the Death Eaters. It is one thing to have a useful reputation within Slytherin house and another to go fighting in Death Eater robes. Until he slips up, we cannot get the aurors involved.'

'We could keep an eye on him ourselves,' suggested James. 'We have got the map. It would be easy to track his coming and goings. Maybe we can see what he is doing and find some way to nail him.'

'Maybe,' said Peter dubiously. 'But we have our own lives to live and I don't want to spend what little free time I have staring at a piece of parchment on the odd chance that Rosier does something illegal which we can use. I mean, we still have to get proof and having seen him meet someone on the Map isn't it.'

'Yeah, you are probably right,' said James. 'It just frustrates me so much that we cannot do anything about all these junior death eaters running around Hogwarts. Rosier, Mulciber, Avery and Snape are well on their way to become Death Eaters and there is no one even trying to stop them! They are going to be torturing Muggles with a year at most. And everybody in the bloody school knows about it!'

'Well, we can't punish people for something they might do in the future,' pointed Peter out. 'Maybe they will decide on a different way. I think Snape cares more about Muggles than he lets on. He was friends with Lily for years after all.'

'He still thinks that she is scum,' said James. 'He called her a Mudblood after all. No, Snape is as far gone as the rest of them. I think he even is the worst part of the bunch. Greasy git.'

Peter just smiled knowingly at James and said nothing.

'Peter,' said James suddenly. 'Look, Macnair and the other man are gone.'

He jerked his head over to the nearby table, where Rosier was now sitting on his own, sipping on his firewhiskey. The Slytherin noticed James looking and gave him a cold smile. He raised his glass in a mock salute. James felt very cold all of sudden.

'Weird,' said Peter. 'Where did they go?'

'I think we should get out of here,' said James, dread pooling in his stomach. He was not sure why he was so spooked all of a sudden, but seeing Rosier on his own had given him a very bad feeling. 'I feel like something bad is about to happen.'

'What?' said Peter. 'But we have barely finished our drinks. Is this because of Rosier? Come on, we are in the middle of a crowded pub. He cannot do anything to us here. He was probably just finished with Macnair and his two companions buggered off.'

'I know,' said James, looking around frantically. 'I just have this feeling that something is up. Come on, Peter let's move.'

'Sounds to me like are having a panic attack, mate,' said Peter looking rather concerned. 'You need to calm down. Should I put a calming charm on you?'

'I am not having a panic attack,' snapped James. 'I am just listening to my gut that is all.'

He extracted his money bag out of his robe and banged some sickles on his table to pay for this drink. He rose quickly and pulled on his cloak.

'Come one, Peter,' he said. 'We are leaving.'

'Prongs, come on,' said Peter. He took another look at James's face and sighed. 'Fine, but I still have to pay.'

'Hurry up,' said James. His hand grabbed his wand in his pocket tightly. On a deeper level, he knew that he was probably being irrational, but the rest of his mind bubbled with a mixture of anxiety and elation. Something was going to happen, he could feel it in his guts! He didn't what it was, but he wanted to get out of here before it arrived. The pub suddenly seemed stifling, too close, too hot and way to full. He made his way to the door and wrenched it open. The cool spring air blew in his face and steadied him a little bit. He stepped outside with Peter hot on his heels.

'There,' said Peter when they were clear off the pub and James had stopped moving. 'Do you feel better know? I am telling you it just was a panic attack. Seeing Rosier spooked you and you are overreacting. It is perfectly normal, I get spooked all the time. You are going to be alright.'

Just as James was about to answer, a streak of red shot through the air and hit Peter straight in the chest. He went out light a light and crashed to the cold stone floor. James cursed and whirled around looking for the attackers. He only barely managed to block the stunner meant for him with a hasty shield charm. Another curse flew at him. This time, the spell had a rather menacing looking deep purple colour. James decided not to try to block it and instead rolled out of the way. At least he had been able to spot his attacker in the glow of the curse. He was standing a few feet away, wearing a dark robe and a skull mask on his face. A Death Eater! James felt a chill running down his spine. The last time he had duelled one of the dark wizards, he had been defeated and he had no desire to repeat the experience. He probably should get out of here, but he didn't think that the Death Eater would just let him apparate away in peace. Especially not given that he had to take Peter with him. There was no telling what the Death Eater would do to his friend otherwise. No, he had to fight even if he only managed to buy some time. Someone was bound to notice the duel and call the aurors. It was a rather busy evening for the Leaky Cauldron after all. James shot a stunning charm at the Death Eater, who managed to deflect it with a lazy wave of his wand. James was not surprised. The Death Eaters had plenty of practice in duelling. Before James could launch another attack, the dark wizard answered with a series of curses. James did not know what exactly he was up against, but he managed to dodge or block all of the spells. He was just starting to feel smug about his proficiency, when the Death Eaters cast a Cruciatus Curse at him. He threw himself to the ground and the curse missed him by an inch. The impact knocked the wind out of him though and he felt panic climbing in him. The next curse was bound to hit him if he didn't do something drastic. Panicking, James shot another stunner at the Death Eaters. His opponent casually cast another shield charm not all impressed by the attack. However, that left James time for another spell. There was no way he would be able to hit the Death Eater directly as long as the shield charm was active. So, he aimed his next spell on the ground the Death Eater was standing on instead. The smooth stone turned to slippery, slightly slanted ice within a heartbeat. The Death Eater hadn't noticed a thing. He raised his wand with a flourish, preparing to curse James for possibly the last time. However, his forceful motion disrupted his balance on the treacherous ground. He swayed and fell hard, crumbling in a tumble of limbs and cloth. James jumped up from the ground and cast a disarming charm. The Death Eater made a grab for his suddenly animated wand, but missed. James caught the small piece of wood easily.

'It is over,' he said, panting from the effort of the duel. 'Don't move. I will not hesitate to curse you. The aurors are bound to come soon. You are going to spend quite some time in Azkaban.'

The Death Eater laughed quietly.

'Do you think so, Potter?' he said in a rough, slightly cracking voice. 'You are not the first person telling me that. So far, I have always managed to wriggle free.'

'Why did you attack me and my friend?' asked James. 'Seems like a foolish thing to do in plain sight.'

'It seemed like a good idea at the time,' said the Death Eater carelessly. 'You know that we have had our eyes on you for quite a while, boy. You think you are so clever, aren't you? Staying on the fence like that. Teasing us with your supposed loyalty, only to either work against us or doing half-assed jobs. I figured it was about time that I had a small chat with you.'

'Well, that hasn't worked out so well, has it?' said James tartly.

'We will see about that,' said the Death Eater, sounding more amused than ever before. 'I have to admit that it was a clever trick you did just there. Not too shabby for a school boy. But you are no practiced dueller and you have forgotten a quite important rule.'

'Do you think you are going to distract me with your vague babbling?' asked James.

'No, I think my mate is going to stun you any moment now,' said the Death Eater. ‘You should always check your surroundings in a duel, boy.’

James barely had time to feel shocked about that announcement, before a spell slammed into him and everything went black.

The first thing James noticed when he regained consciousness was his pounding head. He wanted to raise his hand to check for any injuries but discovered that he could not move his limbs for more than an inch. A stab of panic flooded through his brain and he struggled to open his eyes. It took a conscious effort, but eventually he managed to get his lids to cooperate. He was in a dark room and apparently alone. His glasses were still on his face, even though they were slightly askew. Looking down at his body, he discovered that he was bound to a chair with some kind of silvery rope. Suddenly, he remembered what had happened to him: The Death Eaters had captured him! What there they going to do with him? And where was Peter? Was he in the room as well?

'Peter?' croaked James through his parched throat. 'Peter, are you here somewhere?'

No answer. James felt a wave of dread wash over him. What had they done to his friend? Peter was a half-blood and thoroughly unremarkable. The Death Eaters had no reason to keep him alive. In the best case scenario, they had just left him there on the street before the Leaky Cauldron. In the worst case, they had decided to get rid of him. The thought made James stomach turn. The sound of a door slamming against a wall made him jump. Suddenly, he could make out a distant argument.

'Are you utterly mental, Macnair?' hissed an angry voice. 'Why did you decide to attack the Potter boy? You know the Dark Lord's orders! The Potters are potential allies and not your playthings! Do you think he is more likely to join us if we abduct him during a pub crawl?'

'Shut your mouth Nott,' grumbled a familiar voice. It was the one of the Death Eater he had duelled. That meant his attacker had been Macnair. 'Who do you think you are talking to me like this? You are in no position to lecture me.'

'Of course I am,' said Nott heatedly. 'I told you to wait for me, didn't I? I was only gone for five bloody minutes and somehow you have not only managed to start a duel with Potter in the meantime, but you also managed to lose it. If I hadn't come back in time, you would be on your way to Azkaban by now.'

'I had everything under control,' said Macnair. 'I would have hit the kid with a spell any second.'

'Keep telling yourself that,' said Nott. 'Maybe you will even believe it one day.'

'Bah,' growled Macnair. 'Don't go around lecturing me. You were not supposed to just slink off into the night, doing Merlin knows what. We were supposed to go straight back to headquarters and relay Rosier's information to the Dark Lord. If you hadn't left me alone, I never would have encountered Potter in the first place.'

'Speaking of our Master,' said a third, cool and smooth voice. 'As both of you still haven't reported back to him, I have taken the liberty to write him a letter. He wrote back just a few moments ago.'

'Malfoy, you bloody idiot,' said Nott. 'Please tell me you told him that everything is under control! He doesn't need to know about our encounter with Potter until we have figured out what to do with the boy!'

'You want me to lie to our master?' said Malfoy with obviously fake shock colouring his voice. 'My, my Nott, and I thought you were a loyal servant to the cause. I wonder what his Excellency will think about that.'

'In contrast to you, I am not a fool,' said Nott impatiently. 'The news Rosier has given us is bad enough. Recruitment is stalling at Hogwarts. Most of the pure-bloody Slytherins are sympathetic to our cause, but they shy away from openly joining us. We have a few new members, but nothing major. The other houses, naturally, are even more hesitant, so the Dark Lord will not be pleased. I doubt that news about how we have captured the heir of a prominent house on a spur a moment decision is going to cheer him up. He had his own plans for the Potters.'

'Yes, and we are going to accelerate these plans,' said Macnair. 'We have to been too soft towards the Potters. They claim to be interested in our cause, but never actually deliver anything except for words. And in return we have promised them safety. That is not how this works! They need to proof their devotion to the Dark Lord or be considered the enemy.'

'That wasn't your decision to make!' growled Nott. 'The Dark Lord was fine with taking a slow approach on the more wary pure-bloody families. The Potters have been Gryffindor's for centuries and have been quite pro-Muggle in the past. Do you think they were going to jump at the chance to join us? Fool, we need to gather allies by convincing the traditional families and not by strong-arming all of them! Our revolution is about securing blood purity in the first place! There are few enough pure-bloods left in Britain, we can't just start murdering everyone who doesn't support us.'

'And why ever not?' asked Macnair. 'It is not as if we haven't done it before. Remember Richard and Margaret Bones? The Dark Lord himself killed them and they were as pure-blood as they come. Sometimes you have to prune the garden to make sure that everything grows as expected. We are not merciful, Nott! We destroy our enemies without hesitation. And the Potters are the enemy, never forget this! They may be craftier than we have anticipated, but we mustn't let them trick us. Don't you see? They are playing us! Richard Potter is a sneaky old bastard. He knows exactly how to behave to appear sympathetic to our cause, so that we keep his family save. I am betting you anything that he is really working with his old pals in the auror department to stop us!'

'That seems unlikely,' drawled Malfoy. 'If Potter senior is as smart as you paint him to be, which I consider highly unlikely by the way, then he would want to avoid getting entangled with either side of the conflict. His behaviour only makes sense if he wants to stay neutral. Working against us together with the Ministry would counteract this purpose.'

'Exactly,' said Nott. 'He is just trying to be careful, that is all. I can't fault him for that. Maybe he lacks conviction in the superiority of a pure bloodline, but that hardly matters. There are a lot of Death Eaters who have joined up because they were hoping for a personal advantage rather than to express their beliefs. We even have half-bloods for Merlin's sake! I think the Potters can be valuable allies and we should not alienated them. Let us oblivate the Potter boy and set him free. It is for the best.'

'The Dark Lord will never stand for this,' said Macnair. 'He would want us to hold onto Potter and to use him as a bargaining chip to get his family in line.'

'Well, you are about to find out what he wants,' said Malfoy silkily. 'He is on his way.'

Chapter 37

Chapter Text

Silence followed Malfoy's statement. James felt his stomach sink. He had thought his situation dire before, but if Voldemort was on his way, he was going to be in even more trouble than before. He had no idea what plans the Dark Lord had for him, but he highly doubted that they would be pleasant. He had to get out of here. He struggled against his bonds, but they didn't budge. His gaze fell on his family ring and a sliver of hope blazed through his body. The tracking charm! His father could use it to discover where he was! He could rally the aurors and they were going to get him out of here! Everything was going to be alright! The thought comforted him for a moment, but he sobered very quickly. While it was easy for his family to find him, they would have to realize that he was missing first. His parents would not expect him back until late in the night, so it would take them a while to realize that something was wrong. Unless Peter had already told them what happened. However, there was no way to tell whether this was the case and he had no idea what time it was. It was maddening! Where was his wand? If he could only get it, he might be able to free himself and to slip out of the house without anyone noticing. There was no way he would be able to defeat all three Death Eaters currently in the house, so fighting was out of the question. But first he had to get out of this bloody chair! He pulled at his shackles again, but to no avail.

'Careful, Potter, you are going to hurt yourself if you pull to hard,' said Macnair mockingly.

James looked up in alarm and saw the figures of two Death Eaters looking at him from the now open door at the end of the room. Dim light flickered into the previously dark room, making it barely possible to see properly. He had not noticed the two men enter the room. A shudder ran down his spine. What had they planned for him?

'What have you done to Peter?' croaked James. His mouth was parched and he had trouble forming the words.

'There, there,' said Nott. 'This will not do at all.'

He whipped out his wand and waved it through the air. A silver goblet appeared in his left hand. With another wave of his wand, he filled the goblet with clear water. He put it to James's lips and gently tilted it so James had the chance to drink it. James briefly thought about refusing, but quickly realized that this would only be a pointless show of defiance given his severe thirst. So, he drank the water greedily and almost immediately felt better.

'That should do it,' said Nott, after the goblet was empty again. He quickly vanished it again and put away his wand. 'Don't worry about your useless friend. We have left him where he was. Someone should have found him by now.'

'Why?' asked James. 'Why did you leave him behind? You don't have a habit of being merciful, have you?'

'He was no threat to us,' growled the second Death Eaters and James recognized Macnair's voice. 'And in contrast to you, we are not interested in recruiting him. We are not monsters, Potter, we need a reason to kill someone.'

'Somehow, I doubt that,' said James. 'What reason have all these Muggles you have killed given you?'

'Well, they exist for one thing,' said Macnair nastily. 'Don't preach about equality to me, Potter. You know that wizards are forced to live in secrecy because the Muggles don’t accept us. We are the kings of this world, but we are forced to cower behind our walls like rats. I refuse to accept that and so should you.'

'What do you want from me?' said James. 'Why have you brought me here?'

'It is about time that you make a decision, Potter,' said Nott. 'You are the heir of one of the great pure-blood families. We want your support for our cause. You have toed the line in the past, but even our patience is limited. We are going to get an answer out of you today. And it better be yes.'

'What if I refuse to make a decision?'

'You will not be able to refuse us for long,' said Macnair. He whipped out his wand and fingered it gently. 'I still have to introduce you to my Cruciatus Curse after all.'

'Macnair,' said Nott warningly. 'You are not supposed to harm him until our master arrives. He is not your problem anymore.'

'Yeah, yeah,' said Macnair dismissively. 'I just don't see what difference it makes. The Dark Lord is not going to be gentle with the boy after all.'

'It is not your place,' said Nott simply. 'You should think about what you are going to say to our master, Potter. He can be... unpleasant when he does not get his way.'

'Is this supposed to scare me?' said James, slipping into the role of an arrogant pure-blood without hesitation. While he was terrified on the inside, he knew that he must not show any weakness to the Death Eaters. There were only going to treat him worse when they considered him vulnerable. Also, his survival was only guaranteed as long as they considered him a valuable asset. No one was excited to hire a coward.

'Feisty,' said Macnair. 'If you are not scared you are a fool. Hold on to your bravado for as long as it lasts, Potter. The Dark Lord will crush it soon enough.'

'If you think you can strong-arm me into joining your cause, then you are sadly mistaken,' said James. 'I am a Potter. We don't bow to anyone, in particular not to miscreants like you, Macnair. You should have learned by now to respect your betters.'

Macnair slapped him hard across the face. James grimaced in pain, but managed to keep quiet.

'So, you know who I am,' said Macnair. 'Good for you, a least you have a face to picture while I curse you senseless.'

He reached for his wand, but Nott was faster. He whipped out his own and quickly disarmed Macnair.

'I have told you to leave him alone, Macnair,' said the other Death Eater warningly. 'Stop it, or I am going to tell the Dark Lord about your behaviour.'

'How dare you disarm me?' snarled Macnair. James could not see his face as it was hidden under the mask, but he could clearly tell that Macnair was furious.

'I am doing you a favour,' said Nott calmly. 'If you curse the boy, the Dark Lord will punish you. If you are lucky, he is going to let your punch slip. Don't be an idiot, Macnair.'

For a moment, James was sure that Macnair would attack Nott with his bare hands. However, Nott has his wand aimed at Macnair’s neck and the latter seemed to realize that he was being foolish. He unclenched his fists and took a deep breath.

'You are right,' said Macnair. 'I shouldn't let the brat get to me. He is going to pay for his arrogance soon anyway.'

'We are going to leave you alone for a while, Potter,' said Nott.

'But don't worry, our master will be here soon to pick up the conversation were we left it. Don't go anywhere.'

Nott chuckled at his own joke and motioned for Macnair to follow him. The two Death Eaters left the room and closed the door behind them. The absence of the light filtering through the open door, made the room seem even darker than before. James was alone in the darkness, with only his erratic thoughts to keep him company. He let out a deep breath, relieved that he had made it through the encounter with only a bruised face. He had no illusions about what Voldemort was going to do to him when he arrived: His choice would be to either join the Death Eaters or to die at the hand of the Dark Lord. James was not sure what he preferred. The thought of working for these monsters sickened him, but he also was in no particular hurry to die. He was not going to fight his way out this mess. He might have been able to defeat Macnair, but he was not going to be a match for the Dark Lord. He didn't even have a wand, for Merlin's sake! Also, the Death Eaters liked to use the Imperius Curse as well. Voldemort might be able to make him serve him! His whole body shivered at this nightmarish thought. He had no idea whether he would be able to resist such a powerful dark curse. He preferred not to find out.

Still, there was a still hope: They had left Peter behind. With a bit of luck, his friend had already told James's father what had happend. He could use the enchantment on James's ring to find him and bring the whole auror department with him. The only question was: Would he be in time? James had never met Voldemort, but he doubted that the dark wizard was a particularly patient person. James doubted that he would be able to delay making a decision for long. The aurors would be no help to him if Voldemort had already killed him when they arrived. Was there the chance of talking himself out of this? Could he convince Voldemort to let him go? He could pretend to join the Death Eaters and flee as soon he had the opportunity. Would they believe him? Somehow he doubted that Voldemort was easily fooled. How did he ensure his Death Eater's loyalties? While most of them clearly were blood purists, who were sufficiently motivated by their own believes, some must have joined him for purely opportunistic reasons. The Ministry was not doing a great job at fighting the Death Eaters after all. People were looking for protection from the brewing war and some of the pure-bloods must have joined up with the Death Eaters only to protect themselves. However, as soon as Voldemort's position grew desperate, these recruits were bound to defect and crawl back to the Ministry. How did Voldemort keep them under control? Was he just using fear or was something else in place?

What would happen to him if he decided to join up and Voldemort believed him? Would he make him take an Unbreakable Vow? Or would he just place him under the Imperious Curse and be done with it? There was no way he could predict what was going to happen. He didn't know anything about Voldemort after all. There were a lot of rumours flying around about the dark wizard, but no hard facts. Not even his proper name was known to the public. Voldemort clearly was a chosen name, as there was no way any mother in Britain would have given her child such a ridiculous name. James wondered why Voldemort had chosen this particular path. Had something happened to him to awaken his hatred for Muggles or had he just been born evil? The thought of talking in person to the most feared dark wizard in the world was terrifying, but also very interesting. James wondered how many people outside of the Death Eaters had ever met Voldemort and lived to tell the tale. Probably not that many. In any case, mulling over these increasingly confusing thoughts was going to get him nowhere. He had to do something! Following a sudden urge, James tugged at the ropes binding him with as much power as he could muster. They dug into his wrist, but did not budge. Cursing at the stinging sensation, James stopped his efforts. So much for this plan. Curse the Death Eaters for properly tying him up! Maybe he should try something else. If he rocked his body hard enough, he could topple over the stool he was bound to. But what good would that do? He was tied directly to the chair and falling down was not going to make the ropes any less taut. His position was miserable enough sitting in this chair; he did not need to make it worse by falling down on the floor as well. No, as much as it galled him, there was nothing he could do but wait for help to come. It was a terrible feeling and he hated it with every fibre of his being, but he couldn't help it. He slumped in his chair, trying to get at least a little comfortable and waited.

James did not know how long he had waited in the dark. The house had been quiet all the time. Neither Macnair, nor Nott, nor Malfoy had checked up on him and he had not been able to overhear any additional conversations. It had been terribly dull in addition to being horrifying. However, a sudden change in the atmosphere of the house made him jerk upright in this chair. He could not pinpoint what exactly had happened, but he could feel a dark presence in the area which had not been there before. A chill slithered down his spine. It was disquieting that he could actually feel Voldemort without seeing him. James was not sure whether this was just a cheap trick the Dark Lord used to make himself more intimidating or if he truly was that powerful, but he could not deny that it was working. Maybe he would get lucky and Voldemort was not interested in seeing him in person. While dealing with his cronies was unpleasant, their master could only be worse. James knew it was highly unlikely, but he liked to cling to this small hope. It only lasted for a few minutes. Then, the door to his room swung open noiselessly, causing a brilliant ray of early morning sunshine to fall into the room. James was blinded by the sudden brightness and hastily closed his eyes. When he had finally adapted to the change in light level, he jerked in surprise. A man was standing directly in front of him. He was thin, bald, had a strangely flat nose and reddish eyes. His skin was deathly pale and contrasted starkly with his black robes. James was willing to bet everything he owned that he was now standing face to face with Lord Voldemort.

'It seems my Death Eaters did tell the truth,' said Voldemort in a quiet, cold voice. 'When they told me that they had abduct the Potter heir on a spur of the moment decision, I almost did not believe them. I also was rather... displeased.'

'Funny, I am feeling rather displeased myself,' said James dryly. A heartbeat later he cursed himself for his big mouth. This was the most feared dark wizard of the world and here he was cracking jokes like he was dealing with a fellow Hogwarts student.

'Oh, you do, do you?' said Voldemort. 'I had the impression that you had the intention of joining our ranks, Mr. Potter. Was I wrong?'

'My father makes the decisions regarding our alliances,' said James, hoping to deflect the question. 'I just do what I am told.'

'Not entirely false, but not quite the truth either,' said Voldemort. 'If you think you can lie to me than you are sadly mistaken, Mr. Potter. Finding out whether someone is telling the truth is one of my many gifts. So, don't waste my time. I know that your father has signalled support for our cause in the past and I was rather pleased that he did. The Potter line has been very Muggle-friendly in the past and I consider it a step in the right direction that they are reconsidering that stance. However, it seems rather half-hearted. Tell me Potter, what is your father's plan?'

'My father is a very careful man,' said James. He was careful to stay close to the truth. If Voldemort was indeed able to tell whether he was lying - James was not sure how that would be possible though - he had to pay close attention to how he was wording his answers. 'He is not sure how the conflict between you and Ministry is going to go and he wants to avoid getting caught in the crossfire.'

'Smart,' admitted Voldemort. 'But also cowardly. He should join our ranks and do his part to secure the future of the pure-bloods. I don't understand how you and your father can be so ignorant. How can you stay idle when Muggles and Mudbloods control our society?'

'We are just not convinced that they are that dangerous,' said James. He would have preferred not to answer at all, but he figured that as long as they were talking, he would be rather save. 'I have met quite a few of Muggle-borns at Hogwarts and they seem quite ordinary to me. I like to judge wizards by their character and their abilities, not by the blood-line.'

'As if you can separate one from the other,' scoffed Voldemort. 'If you deny that pure-blood wizards are different from Mudbloods then you are a fool. All of the great inventions in wizarding history have been made by pure-bloods or half-bloods. What have Mudbloods ever done for our community? They are just Muggle who by some big mistake managed to acquire some magic. They are closer to the Muggle society than to our own and therefore are as much our enemies as the Muggles are. And they are even more dangerous as they know we exists and can also wield magic. There can be no mercy for them.'

'Why do you consider Muggles that dangerous than it is so obvious that wizards are superior to them in every regard?' asked James. He was trying to ensnare Voldemort in his own logic. Discussing with the dark wizard bought him some more time. 'I see no way a competent wizard could be in danger from any number of Muggles.'

'There may be hope for you yet, Potter,' said Voldemort, focusing his gaze on him again. 'You are asking the right questions at last. Muggles are not dangerous in small numbers, but you must never forget by how much they outnumber us. If they wanted to, I am quite sure that they would be able to destroy us. Muggle weapons can harm us after all and while we are able to hide ourselves from them, we are not going to win an open war. This was the reason the Ministry chose to put all of us in hiding a few centuries back, robbing us of our rightful place in the world and giving the planet to the Muggles. We cower in our small communities which have become our prisons ages ago. I want to bring the wizarding community back to the light. If we are willing to do whatever it takes, we will be able to regain our freedom. But we have to be clever about it.'

'But doing this is an insane risk,' said James. 'You have just said yourself that the Muggle could overwhelm us. The status quo protects us and allows us to exist comfortably. Why should we risk it all, just to wrench control from the Muggles? Let them have it! Our community is so small, we don't need more space nor more resources. We have little to gain and everything to lose.'

'I thought your Gryffindors were brave,' said Voldemort mockingly. 'Why are you that afraid of challenging the status quo? As I have said, the Muggles can be handled as long as we act smartly. We must not seek a direct confrontation. Instead, we are going to move in secret. If we gain control of the Muggle leaders, we can make them act just as we want without having to fight them at all. We have all the tools we need to achieve victory, we just have to do it. The Ministry refuses to see the danger Mudbloods and Muggles pose to our society. This means that it is the duty of every pure-blood to do what the government cannot do.'

'And to achieve all this, you are willing to spill pure-blood?' said James. 'You stand here preaching about the virtues of blood-purity, jet you murder pure-bloods simply because they disagree with your views. I knew Richard and Margaret bones. They were friends of my family for decades. I find it hard to accept you as our champion if you kill good people like them. Why should I throw my lot in with you if you are an even bigger threat to my security than the Muggles are?'

'Killing the Bones family was regrettable, but necessary,' said Voldemort. His voice was smooth, but his eyes glittered dangerously. If James had to take a guess, he would assume that the Dark Lord did not like being compared to Muggles. 'I made them the offer to join my ranks, but they threw it into my face. They were Muggle-lovers and blood traitors and I cannot tolerate any form of opposition if I am going to achieve my goals. Being a pure-blood does not buy you immunity from the consequences of your actions, Potter. I don't want to kill proper wizards and I will do it only if it is truly necessary, but I am not going to hesitate or show mercy. All of this bloodshed could have been avoided if the Ministry had acted on the Mudblood problem. If you want to blame anyone, blame them. And you don't have to worry about me at the moment. All you have to do to be save from me, is to join my cause. I am very generous towards my faithful servants.'

'Do I have to make a decision now?' asked James. 'I don't have the habit of making long-term decisions after being kidnapped after all.'

'I have been very patient with your family so far, Potter,' said Voldemort dangerously. 'Don't make me wait any longer. I have explained to you why our case is just and necessary. It is really not that complicated. You are either with me or you are not. The time has come to pick your side and staying on the fence is not possible in this war. But before you make your decision, keep in mind where you are and who you are talking to. I would hate to spill blood as pure as yours, but don't think I will not do it.'

James sighed. This had played out pretty much as he had expected. Voldemort was trying to strong-arm him into joining the Death Eaters and there was no way he could talk himself out of this. It probably would be prudent, to pretend to join his side, just to get out of here in one piece and living, but James was not sure whether Voldemort would believe him. Also, he found the thought of being part of something as repulsive as the Death Eaters unbearable. He supposed he should have seen it coming from the very beginning. His father's plan had been smart, but there were some things which you just could not avoid. All members of the wizarding community were sucked into this pointless war and it had been overly optimistic to think that they could escape it. In the end, it was not really a tough decision to make. He had known which side he was one from the very beginning. Even if he hadn't been dating Lily, he never would have considered joining the bad side. He was not going to try to weasel his way out this situation by pretending to sympathise with Voldemort's crazy ideas! He had pretend to be someone else for too long already. It was a pity that he probably was going to die here in this dusty cellar, just because he had a conscience, but at least he was going to die being himself. He felt a pang of regret for everything he would never get to experience and for all the people he was never going to see again, but his determination was steely. He just hope his parents would get over his death eventually.

'Very well, then,' said James. 'The answer is no. I will not join you.'

'Such a disappointment,' said Voldemort and James actually believed him. 'You are talented and pure-blooded and yet you opt to throw it all away for nothing. Well, because I am merciful, I am going to give you the opportunity to change your mind. But first, let me give you something to think about.'

Voldemort's wand appeared in his hand out of nowhere. Before James had any chance to brace himself, the Dark Lord had hit him with a Cruciatus Curse. The pain wiped out everything else on his mind. James was only barely aware of his body twisting in agony on the chair and of his own screams. He was too busy feeling the agony which consumed every fibre of his being. It was worse than he remember, worse than everything he could imagine, too much to bear. And suddenly it was gone. James gasped for air, his whole body still burning from the force of the curse. He could feel blood flowing over his hands. He had twisted so much during the spell that he had scraped open his wrists on the tough ropes. He was disoriented and only barely managed to keep from vomiting. Merlin that had been terrible! Was that what Voldemort had in store for him? Would he torture him until there was nothing left of him? He had done the right thing, but it seems that his reward was a miserable death. The thought burned bitterly in his mind.

'Chin up, Potter,' said Voldemort. He put one of his spiderlike hands under James's chin and pushed it upwards, so that James was forced to look into his face again. 'Don't just slump in the chair like that, it is not a proper posture. Did you enjoy my demonstration? That just was a little appetizer. The Cruciatus Curse is a very handy curse. Clean, easy to use torture available at your fingertips. However, sometimes I feel like it limits my creativity. There are so many ways to inflict pain, why should you just stick to the curse? Maybe I will spice things up a little bit at a later point of our little session. I could start cutting some parts of you away. What do you think about that? Would you dearly miss one of your hands? Yes, I imagine you would. It is not too late, yet, Potter. Swear loyalty to me and I will accept you as one of my faithful servants. But think carefully. That is my very last offer. Refuse me again and I will slowly kill you and leave you at your parent's doorstep as an example of what happens when you try to fool me.'

Before James had any time to come up with an answer, Voldemort continued speaking.

'On the other hand, I could just make you obey me with an Imperius Curse,' said the dark wizards thoughtfully. 'I prefer not to use it as someone controlled by the curse uses any ability for thinking on his own. This means that you have to tell your minion everything you want him to do in detail. It is tiring, but can be useful on occasion. However, give how headstrong you seem to be, I doubt the curse would hold you for long. Worse, you could do some real damage if you break free at an inconvenient time. Hm... a difficult decision. You are more useful to me under the Imperius than you are dead, but you are also more dangerous. What do you figure, Potter? Should I try the Imperius on you? Or have you reconsidered by now? Are you still willing to refuse me just out of spite?'

James still hadn't found any answer. His whole body was still aching from the Cruciatus and his brain was foggy. He felt his consciousness slowly fading and tried desperately to stay awake. His weakness wasn't a good sign. What kind of damage had the Cruciatus done to his body? Was it possible to die from exposure to the dark curse? Well, it was preferable to die now than to die after more torture at least.

'My lord,' called a voice suddenly from far away. 'We have to move! They are... ah!'

It broke off. James could here bangs and shouts in the distance. Voldemort snapped to attention at once.

'What is it now?' he asked irritably. 'What have these fools done now? I will be right back, Potter. Don't go anywhere.'

He chuckled lightly at his own joke and glided from the room. James slumped even further down in his chair in relief. He had just been granted some time at least. What was going on? Had the aurors arrived at last? It sounded like a fight was happening in the house. James hoped that whoever had arrived was prepared to deal with Voldemort's wrath. He didn't want someone to die for him. He ought to use the respite and try to get out of this mess again. He tried to scope up some power to test his bounds again, but his body did not cooperate. Black spots appeared on his vision and for the second time in less than a day, James lost the fight against the darkness.

Chapter 38

Chapter Text

When James finally regained consciousness, he was lying in a vaguely familiar bed. Early morning sunlight was filtering through the not completely closed drapes of the room and slowly banished the darkness. He felt terrible. His limbs seemed to be made of lead. Even keeping his eyes open required a conscious effort. At least he wasn't feeling any pain except for a dull pressure on his left shoulder. He had no strength to turn his head to see why it pained him, so he kept staring straight ahead at the starkly white wall. What little he could make out of the room was clean and strangely devoid of any personal items. He took a deep breath and a familiar sharp smell hit his nostrils. Disinfecting potions. A memory blazed through his mind and everything clicked into place: He was in St. Mungo’s! Of course! He had been kidnapped. What had happened? Where was Voldemort? Who had gotten him out of the house? He needed answers! He had to get up and talk to someone! James screwed up all of his willpower and tried to sit upright. Rather than the forceful, but graceful movement, he had planned, his torso only rose for a few centimetres, before his strength left him again. He flopped back to the mattress in a rather undignified way. James cursed quietly, but before he could make another attempt, the pressure on his left should disappeared completely. Suddenly, a hand appeared on his chest and a blurry red mass entered his vision.

'James?' said a sleepy looking Lily Evans, 'what are you doing?'

'Lily?' said James in surprise. 'What are you doing here?'

'James, you are awake!' said Lily suddenly, her eyes widening. Before James could say anything, she had launched herself at him and was hugging him tightly. 'Oh, thank Merlin! I was so worried when I heard the news! The healers said the nerve damaged was quite extensive and they couldn't tell us when you would wake up! How are you feeling?'

'Terrible,' said James with what little air her tight hug left him. 'Lily, you are crushing me.'

'Oh I am so sorry,' she said, looking aghast. She quickly released him and settled next to him on the bed. James got a good look at her then. She was wearing a severely crumpled Hogwarts uniform and looked exhausted. Nevertheless, her smile was radiant. 'You need to take your potions!'

'Potions?' asked James. All of this was happening too fast for his sluggish brain. He could barely keep up with what Lily was saying.

'Yes, potions,' said Lily. 'Over there, on your nightstand.'

James turned his head and spotted various vials, containing a dark orange liquid standing on the nightstand. Instinctively, he raised his hand to grab one of them. It was almost impossible. His arm felt heavy and slightly numb and only by screwing up all his willpower, he could make it move at all. His hand shook as it moved through the air, but with a furious effort, he was able to reach the nearest vial. However, his hand was shaking too badly to pick it up properly. Instead, he accidently knocked it down to the floor where it shattered into a hundred pieces, spilling its content.

'f*ck,' cursed James, letting his arm fall back to the bed. 'What is wrong with me?'

'It’s alright,' said Lily quickly. She grabbed her wand from the nightstand on her side of the bed and vanished the mess. Then, she summoned one of the vials, caught it deftly and uncorked it. 'Here drink this, you are going to feel better.'

She put it to his lips and tilted it gently. James obediently drank the rather thick potion. It tasted vaguely of caramel. When it reached his stomach a tingling sensation swept through his body. It was slightly unpleasant, but James immediately felt a little stronger.

'What kind of potion is this?' asked James. 'What is wrong with me?'

'It is a combination of a nerve tonic and a strengthening solution,' explained Lily. 'It is standard treatment for wizards who have been placed under the Cruciatus curse. Your nerves have been damaged which is why you have trouble moving. The potion will repair the damage, but it will take time.'

'Not this again,' said James. He vividly remembered the drawn-out recuperation he had needed after his last encounter with the torture curse. 'The last time it took me weeks to be alright again!'

'I am sure it will not take that long this time,' said Lily. 'I have spoken with the healer in charge and he told me that this potion is a brand new improvement of the old one and should be much better at repairing the damage. With a bit of luck, you will be right as rain again in no time.'

'So, I am in St. Mungo's,' said James. 'Who got me out of that house? I only briefly heard the fight before fainting. What happened to Voldemort? Did they get him?'

'No,' said Lily. 'I don't know any details, you will have to ask your father and Sirius about that. They accompanied the strike time of aurors which stormed the manor. I only know that Voldemort and his Death Eaters got away. They were outnumbered that badly, that they chose to flee rather than to fight. Even so, they managed to badly injure two aurors. I don't want to imagine what could have happened if the odds had been more in their favour.'

James shuddered slightly at the thought. He had gotten a small taste of Voldemort's vicious power and he had no desire to experience it ever again. There was a reason the Dark Lord was feared that much.

'Are Sirius and my father alright?' he asked.

'Oh, yes,' said Lily. 'From what Sirius has told me, your father is quite fit for a man his age. Both of them got out of there unharmed. Sirius was the one who found you.'

'It was foolish of them to accompany the aurors,' said James. 'They should have left it to the professionals. My father is old and Sirius is untrained. Things could have gotten ugly for them.'

'Yes, but something tells me that you would have acted just the same in their situation,' said Lily. 'So, I would not be overly harsh with them.'

James opened his mouth to contradict her, but realized that she was right an instant later.

'How long have I been here?' he asked instead.

'Three days,' she said. 'This is the first time you are properly awake through. You tossed and turned a bit, but otherwise you have been unconscious. The healer says this is a normal reaction to the nerve damage the Cruciatus has given you. Oh, James it must have been terrible! How long did they torture you?'

'I was only cursed once,' said James darkly. 'They were rather considerate for their standards.'

'One curse did that much damage to you?' asked Lily surprised.

'Voldemort is rather good at hurting people,' said James dryly. 'Will I be alright again? Did the healer say anything?'

'He will have to tell you yourself,' said Lily. 'He was rather tight-lipped about a prognosis. Apparently, they will have to run more tests first.'

'Fantastic,' said James. 'I have got something to look forward to then.'

'You are going to be fine,' said Lily in a tone that left no room for argument. 'You just have to be.'

'How is Peter?' asked James. 'The Death Eaters stunned him first. I couldn't do anything about it.'

'Oh, he is completely fine,' said Lily. 'A bit twitchy, though. I think the run-in with the Death Eaters has really scared him. He is probably going to need some time.'

'That's good,' said James distractedly. The tingling sensation in his limbs has faded and was replaced by a gentle wave of warmth running up to his fingertips. 'The potion seems to working, I feel a bit better.'

'That's great,' said Lily. 'You should probably eat something, though. Hang, on let me check the time... breakfast will be served in half an hour. I expected your parents and Sirius will be back then as well. Remus is going to come by later today, he wants to use the quiet in the house to get some studying done without Sirius distracting him all the time.'

'He has left Hogwarts as well, then?' said James. 'While we are on the subject: When did you hear and how did you convince McGonagall to let you leave?'

'Sirius sent me a letter the day they rescued you,' said Lily. 'It was afternoon till it reached me and I left almost immediately. Remus came with me of course. McGonagall was surprisingly easy to convince. She was ready to let Remus go immediately, but she seemed a bit surprised about how much I cared. I told her that we had gotten closer over the year at that I had to make sure my fellow head was alright.'

'Well, we certainly have gotten closer,' said James with a grin on his face. At least he hoped it was a proper grin, as he face like the rest of him, felt rather numb and stiff.

'Quiet, you,' said Lily, giving a gentle clap on the chest. 'I have no desire whatsoever to share any details about our love-life with McGonagall. Anyway, Remus and I got here in the evening. I could barely get a glimpse of you, before the healer kicked us out because visiting hours were over. I was rather upset about that.'

'They didn't let you stay?' said James. 'But you are here now and I doubt that visiting hours start in the early morning.'

'Well, I may or may not have violated that rule with Sirius's help,' said Lily coyly. 'It wasn't terrible difficult to be honest. They don't pay overly much attention to the comings and goings of the visitors. All I had to do was to cast a Disillusionment Charm on me and stay in the bathroom so that they wouldn't notice me when they kicked us out. It was a walk in the park.'

'There might be hope for you yet, Evans,' said James approvingly. 'That was decent Marauder work.'

'I am not sure if I agree with your definition of hope,' said Lily. 'A year ago, I would have been aghast at the mere idea of disobeying the direct order of a healer. Now, I merely shrug and find a way to it around it if it is in the way. It is a dangerous way of thinking.'

'This just shows that you are wiser than before,' said James. 'You have realized that sometime you have to bend the rules to do things the proper way. Critical thinking is a very important part of one's education after all.'

'Well, at least your wits have survived the encounter with the most dangerous wizard in the world.'

'I am glad they did: I wouldn't be the same without them,' said James. 'I going to take a quick tour to the bathroom.'

'Alright, do you need any help?'

'No, I will be fine,' said James. 'You should probably get some fresh air. They will bring breakfast soon and you will get in trouble if they discover that you are here. '

'That's probably a good idea,' said Lily. 'I could do with some coffee and a bit of fresh air. Are you sure you are fine on your own? I don't want to return here just to find you sprawled on floor, unable to move.'

'I am fine, watch!'

James slowly got out of bed and stood up. He swayed dangerously for a moment, but managed to stay upright. Nevertheless, he felt slightly unbalanced and his limbs still felt heavier than usual. He took a tentative step and discovered that while he could move, it was much more taxing than usual. Lily gave him a sceptical glance, but agreed to leave him alone nevertheless. She exited the room while James was on the surprisingly long journey to the bathroom.

After he had relieved himself, James washed his wands and his face. He took a good look at his reflection when drying himself off. He looked worn and tired. His normally bright eyes were rather dull and bloodshot. His hair was even more untidy than usual. Combined with the dark stubble on his chin, his haggard appearance made him look ten years older than he was. For a moment he considered searching for his wand to give himself a proper shave, but despite his long sleep, he was too exhausted to do it. However, the brief thought of his wand caused him to remember something: He had no idea where it was! The last time he had help it in his hand was during the battle with Macnair. He had never discovered what the Death Eaters had done with it. Had they took it as well when they had kidnapped him? Where was it now? He hoped that someone friendly had found it. Wands were replaceable, but James was rather fond of his. The thought of losing it forever stung sharply and also made him furious.

What had he done to deserve this? He had had no part in this war so far, but it affected him nevertheless. Voldemort's mere existence was enough to alter what he could do with his life. He wasn't even out of school yet and had been put under an Unforgivable Curse twice already. He was robbed of the chance of having a peaceful and normal youth! He couldn't fulfil his dream of becoming a Quidditch star without feeling guilty about staying out of the fight. Granted, that would only be a problem if Voldemort didn't kill him before graduation or found some hideous way of forcing him into joining his gang of murderers. It just wasn't fair! James banged his fist on the sink with all of his might, which wasn't much thanks to the damage in his nerves. Still, a sharp pain spread through his whole arm and he cursed loudly. It was a foolish thing to do, but at least it brought some clarity back to his thoughts. He was exhausted, weak, hungry, and had just been through a rather traumatic experience. He ought to rest and to recover. Things would look a lot brighter with some food in his stomach. Bolstered slightly by these thoughts, James made his way slowly back to his bed. When he had reached it, he was covered in a thin film of sweat and out of breath. He gritted his teeth at the feeling. It was same bone deep weakness he had felt after his last encounter with the bloody Cruciatus Curse. Having to go through all of this again, was a very depressing thought. He flopped back limply against his pillow and closed his eyes for a moment, feeling just tired and ground down to the stump.

Fortunately, he did not have too much time to wallow in self-pity. Only a few minutes after he had returned to bed, a nurse entered his room. She brought breakfast and seemed rather pleased to find him conscious and alert. She promised that the healer in charge would visit him soon and left him alone with his breakfast consisting off toast, eggs, ham and tea. James tucked in heartily, only realizing how hungry he had been when the food stood in front of him. He cleared his plate in record time and had just settled down again, when his door opened. James expected Lily to return on her own, but instead she was accompanied by his parents and Sirius. His mother wrapped him in a tight hug when she saw him awake. She looked older than James remembered and he felt a pang of irrational guilt. She had probably been worried sick about him! His father hugged him as well as soon as his mother had released him. He looked relieved, but also wary and alert. It did not make him look older, but suddenly James could picture his father as an on-duty auror more vividly than ever. The hard shine in his eyes seemed very fitting for a hard-boiled dark wizard catcher. Last in line was Sirius, who of course used this opportunity to act even more like a dog when usual. He jumped on James's bed and wrapped him in so tight a hug that James feared for his ribs.

'Get off, Padfoot,' wheezed James when he had enough air to do so. 'Get off, you bloody mutt.'

'Sirius,' chided Mrs. Potter gently. 'Let the poor boy breath.'

'Yes, mum,' said Sirius with a huge grin on his face. James had no doubt that had his friend been in his animagus form, his tail would have been wagging like crazy.

'You are completely mental, Sirius, do you know that?' asked Lily, seeming rather amused at his antics.

'Well, it runs in the family after all,' said Sirius, cheekily. 'But I don't see how I am mental for being happy to see James awake. We were so worried about you, sweetie!'

He gave James a rather sloppy kiss on the cheek. James, who was rather annoyed now, used the opportunity to shift his body abruptly, causing Sirius to lose his balance and almost toppling from the bed.

''I am glad to see you too, but you don't have to be a git about it,' he said. 'I am glad to see you too, but you don't have to be a git about it. Where is Peter? And where is my wand?'

'Peter is with his mother,' said Mr. Potter. 'The poor woman did not take it well that Peter was attacked. She has trouble coming to terms with it. I tried to tell her that Peter had been lucky and that nothing serious had happened to him, but I don't think I have reached her. She is keeping a very close eye on him at the moment. I just hope that she will let him return to Hogwarts without making a scene.'

'Unbelievable,' said James. 'I am the one getting kidnapped and she has kittens about Peter who only got stunned. It is too bad that he isn't coming. I wanted to thank him for raising the alarm. You arrived just in time.'

'Looking at you, I think we did arrive rather too late,' said Sirius. 'You look horrible, mate. I thought their potions were going to make you feel better. At least we managed to recover your wand. It is back home in the manor.'

‘The healers need time to do their work, Sirius,' said Lily waspishly. 'You could be a bit nicer about it as well. James knows very well that he is not alright.'

'Can you tell us what happened, James?' asked Mr. Potter. 'Peter could not tell us much. He only told us that you were having some kind of panic attack in the Leaky Cauldron and wanted to leave early. Then you apparently were attacked outside the pub and taken away.'

'It wasn't a bloody panic attack,' said James, feeling rather annoyed. 'I just spotted Rosier and two other Death Eaters in the pub. They noticed Peter and me as well and suddenly two of them were gone and Rosier, who had remained, looked rather pleased with himself. I had a bad feeling about this and figured that I should get out of the pub. Macnair jumped us outside the pub and stunned Peter. I duelled him and had disarmed him when Nott showed up and stunned me. When I regained consciousness, I was in some kind of cellar and bound to a chair.'

'You know the names of the Death Eaters who kidnapped you?' asked his father sharply.

'Yes. Nott and Macnair were the ones who took me. There was another one in the house who they called Malfoy. I suspect that it is Lucius Malfoy, but I cannot be certain.'

'Very interesting,' said Mr. Potter. 'That ought to be enough for the Ministry to at least investigate them. I am not sure whether anything is going to stick though. You were stunned and cursed after all, so it would probably be rather easy to dismiss your testimony.'

'They can't just ignore it,' said Sirius, looking outraged at the very thought. 'How much proof do they need before they start acting against these gits? Should they confess before getting arrested? James knows their names and is a credible witness. That has to be enough!'

'Sirius the Ministry has to stick to the law,' said Mr. Potter. 'As long as there is no hard proof, they are only suspected of a crime. If the Ministry considers James credible enough, they will start a formal investigation, but even then the accused may still walk if the case against them is not strong enough. It is not easy to convict Death Eaters if they are clever enough.'

'Incredible,' said Sirius bitterly. 'We know for a fact that every bloody Death Eaters carries the Dark Mark. All we have to do is to take a look at their arms to know the truth for Merlin's sake!'

'You cannot force them to reveal their arms,' said Lily quietly. 'They would need to be ordered to do so by the Wizengamot and they are not going to issue such an order without a good reason to do it. It is a violation of the accused’s privacy after all.'

'How on earth do you know that?' asked Sirius.

'There was a rather interesting series of articles on the subject in the Daily Prophet,' said Lily. 'The author argued for the abolishment of certain laws as long as the Death Eaters are not stopped. This rule was one he found particularly offensive.'

'Well, he is quite right,' said Sirius. 'It is pure and utter madness.'

'Maybe,' said Mr. Potter. 'But it is also a cornerstone of our rule of law. We cannot just throw it away when it becomes inconvenient! I was an auror for close to fifty years and there were times when the law got in the way of what I wanted to do. Nevertheless, I obeyed it because without the law my work would be pointless as there would be nothing for me to protect.'

'And if we stick too them too long the Death Eaters will win and we will have nothing left to protect either,' said Sirius hotly. 'Principles are great things, but we should make sure we win this war before we start getting picky about our methods.'

'I don't think this is the proper place to discuss this,' said Mrs. Potter as her husband and Lily both opened their mouths to respond. 'You can discuss this at length when we are back home. James here needs to rest and we do him no good by arguing about it.'

'You are right of course, dear,' said Mr. Potter, looking rather sheepish. James felt a small grin take over his face. His mother was a natural at castigating other people. It was a nice change to see it directed at other people, though. 'What happened in the cellar, James?'

'Not too much,' said James. 'I overheard the Death Eaters and quickly learned that Voldemort was on his way. The Death Eaters harassed me a little bit, telling me that their master was going to offer me to join them and that I should better accept if I wanted to stay alive.'

'Fools,' said Sirius. 'If they knew you at all, they would know that there is no way you would become a bloody Death Eater. It is a ridiculous idea.'

'Yes,' said James. 'But you have to remember that we have tried to convince them for the better part of a year that it could happen. Seems that our strategy has borne fruit.'

James's father look like he had eaten something unpleasant at the words. It had been his idea to blur the lines in the conflict after all and it seems that it had worked a little too well.

'What?' asked Lily looking shocked. 'What kind of ridiculous plan is that? Were you actually considering to join the Death Eaters?'

'Of course not,' snapped Mr. Potter. 'It was a gambit! I wanted the Death Eater to consider us potential allies, so we could stay neutral in the conflict for as long as possible. I did not want my family to suffer needlessly as I was sure that the Ministry was about to catch this maniac. It seems that I was wrong.'

'And what about all the poor families who don't have this option?' asked Lily hotly. 'Were you just going to hide behind your blood status and leave them to suffer on their own?'

'They are already in danger no matter who I publically support,' said Mr. Potter pointedly. 'Nobody in my family is in the position to fight the Death Eaters directly. James and Sirius are too young and Victoria and I are way too old. The Ministry will handle this problem in time.'

'It still is cowardly,' said Lily. She had crossed her arms over her chest and glared at James's father. 'You could publically support the Ministry or maybe at least donate some gold to the auror department. But you opt to do nothing. All that is needed for the Death Eaters to win is for people like you to turn a blind eye to their murders.'

'Oh, believe me, I don't intended to just sit by and watch them take over this country,' said Mr. Potter. His voice was carefully controlled and James was surprised that his father was still that calm. If he had talked back to him like this, his father would have castigated him by now. He probably had more patience with Lily, because she was Muggle-born and not a part of the family.

'The difference between a smart man and a foolish man is that the smart man knows not only what he must do, but also when he must do it. Recklessly jumping into action will do us no good, it will only hurt us in the long run. I have already lost friends to the Death Eaters, because they were too outspoken over their pro-Muggle believes. I will not replicate their mistakes. Should I die in this conflict, I want my death to be part of something meaningful and not just some random tragic footnote. What have you done for the Bones family, Miss Evans? They were strong protectors of Muggles and Muggle-born alike. They were good people and all they have reaped for the good deeds was the scorn of the purists as well as an early grave. Forgive, me but that is not that appealing to me.'

'Richard, be gentle with her,' said James's mother. 'What my husband is trying to say it that the most obvious path to take is not always the right one. However, our family knows where it stands and that is with the Ministry and in defence of Muggle-borns.'

Lily seemed slightly mollified by this clarification.

'If you are all quite finished with biting your heads off, I can continue my story,' said James lightly.

'Right,' said Mr. Potter. 'Please, go ahead.'

'Well, the Death Eaters left me alone rather quickly,' said James. 'So, for a while I had nothing to do but to wait for their master. When he finally showed up, he did indeed made me the offer to join the Death Eaters. He told a lot of rubbish about how the Muggles are keeping us trapped in our small part of the world and how Muggle-borns were not to be trusted. In short, he tried to tell me why he was in truth the righteous side in the conflict.'

'What an utter load of rubbish,' said Sirius. 'Do you think he really believes that? Maybe it is just a pretence to recruit all the purist.'

'No, I think he genuinely believes it,' said James. 'He was very passionate about the subject. It was the only time he actually seemed alive. Otherwise, he seemed like some kind of mockery of a human being. He has a very strange face and he does not move properly. He is fast and powerful, but there is just something wrong with him.'

'Interesting,' said his father. 'Dark magic is known to twist the ones using it. Maybe this is what happened to him.'

'I can't believe that you have spoken to the most dangerous dark wizard of our age,' said Lily. She was rather pale and looked horrified at his words. 'He must be a monster.'

'He is,' said James. 'Anyway, I tried to keep him talking, because I wanted to buy some time. I figured that you could use the ring to track me down and that I only needed to stay alive until you could get me. However, he pressed me for a decision. I considered lying, but he is very good at detecting that, so I had no choice but to tell him that there was no way I was going to become part of his gang of murderers. He took it rather badly.'

'The Cruciatus?' asked Sirius.

'Yes,' said James. 'He told that he would give me one chance to reconsider. Then, he hit me with the curse to give me an incentive to think about the consequences of my choice. The curse was insanely strong. When he was done, I was only barely conscious. However, then there was some commotion and Voldemort left me alone to investigate. I wanted to make something out of this opportunity, but I was too weak. I blacked out and woke up here. I assume that was when you arrived. Lily told me that Sirius and you, dad, were part of the rescue party.'

'Yes, they insisted on accompanying the aurors,' said his mother with obvious disapproval in her voice. 'Absolutely ridiculous if you ask me. Sirius is not even done with school and your father is way too old to duel anyone. I told them to leave it to Alastor and the rest of the aurors, but as usual they didn't listen to me. I am just glad that they got back in one piece. I would have never forgiven them if they got themselves hurt in such a foolish mission.'

'I told you that we would be fine,' said Mr. Potter. 'And I may be old, but I am not dead yet. I used to be quite a formidable auror back in my days as you probably remember.'

'Yes, but this was thirty years ago. You were quickly promoted and spent most of your time in the Ministry on your desk and not in the field. And you just said that you were too old to fight yourself.'

'So, you tracked me with the help of the ring and used your contacts to get Mad-Eye to help, is that right?' asked James. His parents could argue about whether or not it had been a good idea for his father and Sirius to chase after him at some other point in time.

'His name is Alastor Moody,' said his father sternly. 'And yes that is about what had happened. Peter showed up at the manor in the middle of the night in quite a state. He told us what had happened and I immediately contacted Alastor. Fortunately, he is a light sleeper and it did not take much persuasion for me to get him to help us. He is very eager to catch some Death Eaters after all. While he gathered a group of aurors, I used the heritage ring to find you. It was a bit tricky because the house where you were kept was heavily warded, but I managed to track you down nevertheless. As soon as I had a fix on the location, we moved out. Sirius insisted on accompanying me and I had no time to spare to convince him to stay at home. Alastor managed to rouse nine other aurors, so were twelve when we arrived there.'

'And what happened when you got there?' asked James. 'The Death Eaters must have put up a fight.'

'Yes, but we had the element of surprise on our side,' said his father. 'We encountered no resistance at first. When the Death Eaters noticed us, they could only slow us down slightly. We outnumbered them significantly. Everything was under control until Voldemort showed up. He unleashed a barrage on spells on us and forced us to take cover. Two aurors were injured by his spells and we can consider us lucky that no one his killing cursed hit their target. For a moment, I was sure that he was going to defeat us all by himself, but he only wanted to buy some time for his retreat. He summoned a thick fog which prevent us from seeing anything properly and disapparated together with his cronies. When we could see clearly again, we searched the rest of the house and found you in the cellar. Sirius and I got you to the hospital while Alastor and the rest of the aurors turned the house upside down, looking for any information about the Death Eaters. I don't think that they have found anything useful, though.'

'So, they all got away?' asked James. 'There will be no repercussions for them?'

'We will see,' said Mr. Potter. 'When you are feeling better, Alastor will send some men to interview you. Once they have your statement, they will follow any leads you give them. Maybe something will come out of it. You have some names after all.'

'In the meantime you should focus on getting better,' said his mother gently. 'Let the aurors do their job and try to enjoy the rest of your last year in school. The war will find you soon enough.'

'You are probably right about that,' said James. 'Dad, I am sorry for ending your attempt to stay neutral that abruptly. There was nothing I can do to stall Voldemort and joining him was never an option.'

'It is fine, James,' said his father. 'The plan was only meant to buy time after all. It has fulfilled his purpose even though the war has not ended yet. In fact, I am rather glad I can openly support the Ministry now. Toeing the line all the time is quite exhausting. You have done the right thing by standing up to Voldemort and I am very proud of you.'

‘Yeah, Prongs has his moments,' said Sirius. 'I have to say, I am a bit disappointed that I missed most of the fun. I barely got to do anything during the raid. I think I got to fire one hex or so before Voldemort showed up and I had to take cover. Shortly, later all of them were gone. I would have loved to have a chat with the most dangerous dark wizard of all time. It properly was extremely interesting!’

Predictably, neither Lily nor his mother found that statement particularly funny. Both of them started to berate Sirius about the seriousness of the situation and about how impious his wish was to meet someone as dangerous as the Dark Lord. James settled back in to his pillows and let them talk. He felt positively full after his breakfast and just wanted to relax a little. He was still alive, safe and nobody had died during the rescue attempt. It was enough to be grateful for in these troubled times.

Chapter 39

Chapter Text

James was standing at the open window of his dormitory, leaning heavily on the windowsill. His Hogwarts trunk lay on the floor behind him, next to his bed. He should have unpacked it by now, but he didn't feel like doing it. He had only arrived back in the castle today and dinner was over already. The rest of the Marauders were down in the common room, busy with last minute holiday homework and mingling with the rest of the house. James had excused himself, stating that he needed some time to unwind by himself. His friends had thrown him rather concerned looks, but had let him go without comment. James suspected that they had started discussing his recovery the moment he had left the room. They shouldn’t worry too much: He was fine. It had been ten days since his kidnapping and he was feeling stronger every day. St. Mungo's had kept him in the hospital until the last day of the holidays. James had protested, naturally, but the healer in charge had been insistent. Given the fact that he had been cursed by a very powerful wizard, the healer felt that closer monitoring was necessary. Fortunately, the improved potion had worked very well. James was still a little weak and suffered from occasionally headaches, but otherwise he was as good at new. His recovery was certainly faster than it had been the last time.

James reached into his pocket and pulled out the spliff Remus had rolled for him during the train ride. The weed helped fight the headaches and James plans for the rest of evening were to get stoned and go to sleep. He had lessons tomorrow and he didn't fancy missing sleep because of the dull pain behind his temple. He opened the window, lit up and inhaled deeply. The smoke filled his lungs and James held it in for a while, wanting to make the most out of it. He had just taken his third hit, when the door to the dorm opened and a single person entered the room. James did not turn around, but he could tell by the sound of the steps that it was Lily who was visiting him.

'I am not sure you are supposed to smoke this stuff,' she said once she had reached him. She rose on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss on his cheek. 'It could react badly with the potion.'

'I have noticed any side-effects so far,' said James dismissively. 'But it helps with the headaches. Do you want a hit?'

She looked torn for a moment. James took a closer look at her and noticed that she was chewing her lips. He frowned slightly: She only did that when she was nervous, but what did she have to be nervous about?

'Fine, give it here,' she said, holding out her hand.

'Really?' asked James, shocked. 'You don't even smoke.'

'Yes, but I have tried smoking, so what is the harm of trying this once?' she asked. 'I know that I does not kill you given how much Remus, Sirius, Peter and you smoke.'

'Hey, compared to Remus, I barely smoke at all,' said James. 'I am only hooked on the fa*gs. Here, take a drag, hold it in for a while and then exhale.'

She took the spliff from his hand and did as he had told her. She coughed slightly, but still managed to hold the smoke in for a few seconds. After a few drags, she passed it back to James.

'How do you feel?' he asked her.

'Relaxed, but a bit dizzy,' she said. 'It is not bad, though. Tastes a lot better than cigarettes, too.'

'Do you want another hit?'

'No, finish it by yourself, I need my wits together.'

'Really?' asked James. 'Why is that?'

'I have to talk to you,' she said, looking serious.

'Am I in trouble?'

'Be serious for a moment here,' she said. 'And don't hit me with some lame pun.'

'Wouldn't dream of it,' said James, smiling. He had been thinking about making a serious-Sirius-joke. It had been so long since he had made one of these after all. 'Alright, what is it?'

'You know, I did a lot of thinking over the holidays,' said Lily, not meeting his eyes. 'When Sirius told me that you had been abducted by Death Eaters, I was so shocked I could barely process the words. And when I saw you lying there in the hospital looking as though you were one inch from death, I realized something: I don't want to lose you James.'

'Oh, Lily,' said James, putting an arm around her and pulling her closer. 'You are not going to lose me.'

'How can you say that?' she asked. 'You have barely escaped death just a few days ago, James. We are at war and you are a prominent target! If the Death Eaters win, both you and I will be in grave danger. Something horrible could happen to anyone of us every day!'

'Maybe,' admitted James. He pulled the almost completely gone spliff out of his mouth and vanished it. It didn't seem fitting to smoke during such a serious conversation. 'But what does it mean? You don't have control over everything in your life. All we can do is make the most out of life has dealt us. And I can tell you that I have no intention of leaving you alone.'

'I know that,' said Lily. 'What I am trying to say is that I don't want to waste any more time. We will be done with school in a few months and then we will enter the real world. We will have to look for jobs and the shelter Hogwarts has given us from the war will be gone. We have been given a small respite and we shouldn't squander it.'

'I am still not sure what you are trying to say.'

'I don't want to hide anymore,' she said softly. 'You were right all along. I was too afraid of what people would think about us, too afraid of what I would have to endure from the Slytherins. My priorities were wrong and I am sorry. If it is alright with you, we can tell the rest of the Gryffindors tonight. That is if you still want to.'

'Don't be daft,' said James, cupping her cheek with a hand. 'Of course I want to. I have wanted to shout from the rooftops for months that I have finally snagged you.'

He bent down and pressed a hungry kiss to her mouth. She responded eagerly and for a moment all that existed were the two of them. James pulled away a short while later, feeling like in his chest was swelling from happiness. He felt a soppy grin take over his face.

'You are enjoying this way too much,' said Lily though she was smiling widely as well. 'Just wait until Marlene hears about this. You are going to be in even more trouble than I. She is going to be ruthless.'

'I am going to let Sirius handle her if she is too much of an annoyance,' said James dismissively. 'But let's not tell anyone directly. It is more fun to just act like a couple and see how long it takes them to figure it out. I doubt Marlene is going to notice it quickly, given how wrapped up she tends to be in Sirius.'

'I think you are underestimating her perceptiveness,' said Lily. 'But you just said that you wanted to shout it from the rooftops that we are a couple. Even I was looking forward to telling Alice and Marlene.'

'I prefer actions to words,' said James. 'And I think I prefer telling everybody about our relationship by kissing you for all the school to see to just tell them. It just has more style.'

'You are a quite mad, do you know that?' said Lily. 'Fine, we do it your way. People might freak out a little if you just start snogging me in the common room, but I guess it all part of the show.'

'I aim to please,' said James. 'And I quite a born entertainer. You know, I am just thinking of something else.'

'What?'

'We are in an empty dormitory, all by ourselves and will probably have at least an hour until somebody bothers us. I think we can find something else to do rather than just talk.'

He put on his hands on her bum and pulled her close to him. He could feel her breath on his face now and her eyes fluttered slightly shut.

'That is a horrible idea,' said Lily weakly. 'Your friends might walk in on us or one of the girls might come looking for me. We really should find someplace more private. It is too risky.'

'The risk is what makes it fun,' said James. He pressed his lips on her and kissed her hungrily. Lily's reluctance melted away and they lost themselves in a blur of mouths, limbs and hastily removed clothing.

They made it to the bed eventually. After everything was over, James was lying on his back starting at the ceiling. Lily was curled up at his side, her breath deep and relaxed. James assumed that she was about to go to sleep.

'Love, are the girls going to worry if you sleep here?' James asked quietly.

'I don't care,' she said sleepily. 'I just want to sleep and you should rest too. You are still healing.'

James chuckled softly. Even when she was almost asleep she still found has the power to try to boss him around.

'Alright then,' he said. He grabbed the blanket and put it properly around her form. 'Here that's better. Good night, Lily.'

'Good night,' she mumbled. James remained quiet for a moment and after a few minutes here breathing evened out. She was fast asleep. James felt a smile take over his face. Today had been a wonderful day. He closed his eyes and sleep took him after only a few minutes.

* * * * *

James whistled a merry tune under his breath as his quill scratched over the parchment. His thoughts poured out his head straight onto the paper and the rather lengthy arithmancy essay almost seemed to write itself. Remus glanced up at him, looking amused at his antics. It was the afternoon of the next day. Remus and he shared the same free period and had decided to use the opportunity to do the homework they had gotten just this very morning. Normally, James would have protested at the mere idea of doing homework that early and on the first day back, but such slacking was no longer on option so close to the end of their final school year. They were sitting in the common room, close to the blazing fire. Even though it was spring, the weather remained chilly and wet. James was grateful for the warmth of the fire as he hated being cold.

'You seem chipper today,' said Remus. 'You do know it is rather annoying, don't you?'

'Being in a good mood?' asked James distractedly.

'No, whistling Paranoid under your breath,' said Remus, rolling his eyes.

'Oh, right, sorry,' said James and stopped whistling. 'You know I like to whistle when I am feeling cheerful.'

'I wonder why, though,' said Remus. 'You normally moan and groan whenever the holidays come to an end. But you haven't complained even once today and you did not even protest when I suggested getting started with homework early. That is highly suspicious, James.'

'Can't I be in a good mood for no particular reason?'

'Not on the first day of school,' said Remus. 'If I had to guess though, I would wager that it has something to do with the guest who spent the night in our dormitory.'

'How do you know that?' asked James quietly. 'Lily snuck out before you even stirred.'

'Yes and that would have been more impressive if you had managed to move all of your clothes to your bed. I found her bra next to your bed yesterday evening. It was not hard to connect the dots from there.'

'Ah,' said James. 'Yes, I see.'

'You know, I think there is something you are not telling me,' said Remus. 'While you are usually over the moon for Lily, your exuberant mood is not just caused by getting some action. What is going on with the two of you? Did you propose to her?'

'What? No! Are you mental? She would skin me alive if I did that!' protested James. 'Besides, it is a bit early to think about that isn't it?'

'Hey, I am just asking,' said Remus, raising his hands in surrender. 'But I figured it was not a too outlandish idea, given how long you have fancied her and the war.'

'What has the war to do with this?'

'People are nervous, James,' said Remus. 'If you consider it quite possible that you are dead tomorrow, there is little reason to wait for anything. Look at Andromeda, Sirius's cousin. She has run away with a Muggle, married him straight away and is going to be a mother. I don't think she would have moved that fast if we are living in peaceful times.'

'True, but from what Sirius has told me, she did most of this to annoy her parents,' said James, grinning slightly. 'But I guess you are right. Long-term plans are kind of out of fashion at the moment. In each case, marrying Lily is going to cause an uproar no matter when I do it.'

'The heir of a filthy rich pure-blood family marrying a middle-class at best Muggle-born witch in the current war,' said Remus. 'Yeah, I can see how this would cause a ruckus. It is going to be seen as a political statement, no matter if it is intended to be one. The Death Eaters will view it as a provocation, the pro-Muggle-born activist as a commendable effort to bridge the gap. You are probably going to catch a lot of heat for this.'

'Sometimes I hate being a pure-blood,' muttered James. 'It is nobody’s business who I want to marry. But I can't do anything without it being inspected closely and put into context with whatever is going on at the moment and whatever my father is scheming currently. It is a bloody menace! Muggle-borns are lucky in that regard. They can do whatever they want. On the flipside, they have to deal with a lot of stupid prejudice, so I guess it balances itself out.'

'Trust me, being a pure-blood is a lot better than being a Muggle-born,' said Remus dryly. 'Do you think you parents would support you if you wanted to marry Lily?'

'That's a tough question,' said James. 'My mum would probably be alright with it. She believes in true love and all this romantic rubbish. My father is probably not going to be pleased.'

'Lily told me that she had a bit of an argument with your father back in the hospital,' said Remus, smiling slightly. 'She was rather mortified about it. Apparently, she lost her temper with him and now feels terrible about it.'

James snorted at that.

'Yes, she was quite intense,' he said. 'Well, why should I be the only Potter male who has to deal with her temper? My father is tough, he is not going to hold a grudge because she overreacted in a strenuous situation. I think he rather likes her to be honest. Still, he is not a fan of marrying early. He wants me to live my life before committing to a lifetime with a single woman.'

'Wasn't he married straight out of school?'

'Yes, and in an arranged marriage to boot,' said James. 'Even though he and my mother learned to love each other over the years, he is still slightly bitter about it. He is going to see it as a mistake if I marry early. He will feel like I replicate his own mistake even though I actually have a choice. The fact that I am going to paint a nice big target sign on my chest by marring a Muggle-born is not going to help.'

'I figured as much,' said Remus. 'Well, he has a point, hasn't he? But that is not going to stop you, will it?'

'You are getting ahead of yourself,' said James. 'I am not going to propose to Lily anytime soon. She would take it badly and I am not sure we are stable enough for this step. I don't want to end up like Davies did when he proposed to Marlene. Poor bugger. Hey, that reminds me: Where are Marlene and Sirius? They have a free-period as well.'

'Sirius told me something about going down to the Quidditch pitch,' said Remus. 'He said that Rosie O'Connell asked him to give her some flying tips.'

'O'Connell?' asked James. 'You mean the pretty fifth year, who only barely didn't make the cut as reserve seeker this year?'

'Yeah, that's her,' said Remus.

'Her flying is quite good,' said James. 'And she is a seeker, not a beater. What is Sirius going to show her? It makes no sense of her to ask him for help unless... oh no.'

'Do you think she is making a move on him?' asked Remus. 'Sirius is going to have enough sense to turn her down if she does, won't he?'

'I am not sure,' said James. 'She is very pretty after all. Have you paid attention to her chest? Her boobs are huge and you know how much Sirius likes a full chest. However, I do believe that Sirius is really fond of Marlene. He is not going to throw it all away for a quick shag.'

'Maybe,' said Remus. 'Still, I have a feeling that the rules between Marlene and Sirius are not that clear. I mean they stress every bloody day that they are not really dating. So why shouldn't Sirius have some fun with Rosie?'

'You don't really believe this whole not-dating rubbish, do you?' asked James.

'Of course I don't. I think the only people who do are Marlene and Sirius, because they are not comfortable with the thought of a proper relationship. But I think when push comes to shove they are a lot more serious than they realize. And I highly doubt that Marlene would be pleased about him fooling around with Rosie.'

James winced at the thought. Marlene had quite a temper and despite her aversion to classical relationships she would most likely react badly to any unfaithfulness of Sirius. It was exactly what he had been worried about when he had first heard about his two best friends dating. Both Marlene and Sirius was quite capable of hurting other people by sheer accident. It was a volatile combination to say the least.

'Rosie should know to stay away from Sirius' asked James. 'Marlene and he are always making out in the common room after all. Everyone knows that they are sweet on each other.'

'Yes, but they constantly state the opposite,' said Remus. 'She only has to ask Marlene whether Sirius and she are dating and Marlene will deny it. It is easy to come to the wrong conclusion in this scenario.'

'Bloody hell,' spat James. 'Why does every girl in this bloody castle has to lust after Sirius? Aren't there any other blokes they can bother?'

'Well, let's hope for the best,' said Remus. 'Maybe we are being too paranoid about the whole thing. Maybe Rosie will leave Sirius alone or even if she tries something, it doesn't mean that Marlene will know about it.'

Just in this moment, the portrait hole opened and a rather dishevelled Sirius stepped into the common room with Marlene hot on his heels.

'I really don't see why it is such a big deal,' said Sirius sharply. 'And I am done discussing this with you.'

'Not a big deal?' hissed Marlene. James could tell that she was very close to start shouting. 'Instead of spending the free period with me you went down to the Quidditch pitch and when I get down there to see what you were doing, I walk into you kissing that slag. Tell me again how this is no big deal.'

'I have told you, she kissed me,' said Sirius obviously annoyed. 'It happens. Every girl in the castle wants to snog me after all. What was I supposed to do? Beat her off with my broomstick before she can close the distance? It didn't mean anything.'

'Rubbish! I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't walked in. Would you have shagged her right there on the pitch?'

'Probably not,' said Sirius in an icy voice. James heart sank. His best mate's patience was clearly running out. James had enough experience in fighting with Sirius to know what would happen next: Sirius would lash out with some deliberate cruel remark to get out the corner Marlene had backed him in. It was a recipe for disaster as Marlene was probably going to react in kind. James rose from his chair to help broker a peace, but he couldn't prevent Sirius's next words. 'I don't really like shagging outdoors, so I would have taken her back to the locker room.'

'Bastard,' hissed Marlene and slapped at his face. Sirius deftly dodged the blow and took a few steps back.

'Maybe we should discuss this later when you have calmed down,' he sneered. 'Honestly, I thought you would have been okay with this. I thought we were on the same page: We are not dating, but just enjoying each other's company.'

'That doesn't mean that you are free to shag whomever you want,' said Marlene hotly.

'Funny, I thought that was exactly what it meant,' replied Sirius. 'I thought you were shagging Fowler on the side given how often the two of you have been studying together.'

James stopped in his tracks: Sirius, the bloody idiot! Marcus Fowler was a Ravenclaw seventh year. Marlene and he had a mutual passion for ancient runes and had started to study together for their N.E.W.T.s a few weeks back. While Fowler was very handsome, James was quite sure that Marlene and him were truly only studying. In fact, he had heard some quite convincing rumours claiming that Fowler was a shirt lifter. James was not sure whether these were true, but he supposed they made sense as the Ravenclaw's appearance was just too polished. Naturally, Fowler would never admit to it, given the still strong taboo on this subject.

'I have told you already that there is nothing going on between Marcus and me,' snarled Marlene. 'Stop being such a bloody idiot! You cannot seriously tell me that you thought I would be okay with you shagging O'Connell.'

'Don't tell what I can or cannot do,' said Sirius icily. 'Frankly, I don't know what you are complaining about. You wanted something fun with no strings attached and I have given you exactly that. You knew what you were getting into from the very start. In fact, I remember you approaching me in the first place. You chose me because you know I am hardly overly romantic. Well, I haven't changed and I am not going to just because you have suddenly changed your mind about what you want.'

'Oh, so I am just supposed to sit idly by and let you shag other witches?' asked Marlene hotly. 'Have you lost your mind?'

'Well, if you want a more active role, you are free to join in,' said Sirius with a slight leer on his face. James groaned and started moving again and drew his wand. He should silence both of them before things got really ugly.

Marlene's face darkened to a rich purplish colour. She whipped out her wand and was just about to curse Sirius when James's timely disarming charm hit her. Her wand flew through the air in a graceful ark and James caught it deftly.

'Alright, that's enough,' he said firmly his voice ringing with authority through the rather empty common room. 'Both of you need time to calm down. Sirius, get up to the dorm room and have a smoke. Marlene, get back to the Quidditch pitch and go flying. It will clear your head.'

'I should have known that you would take his side,' hissed Marlene. 'He deserved the curse I was about to hurl at his fat head.'

'I am head-boy, Marlene,' said James gently. 'I cannot just stand idly by why you curse a fellow Gryffindor directly in front of me. I would have to put you in detention and I doubt that you would be happy with me in this case either. And I am not taking anyone's side. I would have disarmed Sirius as well if he had been the one going for his wand.'

'Ugh, I can't believe you,' said Marlene. 'You are both gits!'

She turned on her heel and strode out of the portrait hole through both Sirius and him filthy looks as she went.

'Thanks,' said Sirius gruffly. 'She probably would have hit me with something nasty.'

'Give one good reason why I shouldn't punch you in the face right now,' said James heatedly.

Sirius blinked. Then his face darkened rapidly.

'Don't tell me you are taking her side on this,' he hissed. 'I am not in the wrong here. We both agreed that we are not in proper relationship.'

'I don't care what you have agreed on,' said James. 'I was no fan of this relationship from the very start and you intentionally hurting Marlene has not improved my opinion. I am going to give both of you some time to cool down and when you have, I want you to figure something out with Marlene. I am not going to spend the last few months of school playing mediator between my two best friends.'

Sirius glared at him for a moment, but didn't speak. Instead, he turned around and stormed up the stairs leading to the boy's dormitory. James sighed heavily and want back to his seat at the fire. Remus gave him a sympathetic look when he slumped down in the chair.

'Well, that was dramatic,' said Remus. 'I guess we should have known that something like this would happen. Maybe Marlene and Sirius are just too similar to each other.'

'Yeah maybe,' said James. 'Come one, let's finish these essays. I don't want to talk about them at the moment.'

They lapsed back into silence and focused on their work. The common room grew steadily fuller as the free period ended. Lily entered the room about half an hour later and hurried over to them. She gave James a quick kiss on the lips which caused Remus to raise an eyebrow in surprise. However, he refrained from commenting, obviously not quite sure what to make of this public display of affection.

'Hey, you two,' she said. 'Had a nice free period?'

'It was eventful,' said Remus and started filling Lily in on Sirius's and Marlene's disagreement.

James was content just to listen to the story. He had intertwined his right hand with Lily's left one and despite his anger at both of his friends, he was quite content. Relationship trouble hardly was something special after all. In fact, it was a nice breath of normalcy in these tempestuous times.

Chapter 40

Chapter Text

James blew out his breath in frustration and he reached for the crumpled parchment lying on the floor again. He knew that its content was still going to be the same it had been a few minutes ago, but he just had to read it once more. Maybe there was some kind of hidden message in there or some other way to interpret the writing. It was shortly after breakfast and he was supposed to be in charms. A week had passed since he had returned to Hogwarts and so far his time back had not been very relaxing. With exams only two months away, the teachers had smothered them in homework. Together with his head-boy and Quidditch captain duties, it left James little time to think. The fact that both Marlene and Sirius were still angry with him and had so far refused to make up, didn't make things any easier. With so much going on, James had spared little thought about the aftermath of his kidnapping. However, the official letter he had gotten this morning had brought it all back. The ministry owl had delivered it to him during breakfast. James had quickly opened it, skimmed it and had promptly rushed from the hall in a blaze of white-hot fury, leaving his stunned friends behind. He had retreated into this small alcove on the third floor to brood and had read the letter about a dozen times since then. He knew that he was bound to get into trouble with Flitwick for skipping class, but he found it hard to worry about that at the moment.

Sitting on the window sill, he unrolled already rather battered scroll of parchment and quickly read it again:

Dear Mr. Potter,

I am pleased to inform you that the Department of Magical Law Enforcement (called DMLE from here on) has processed your testimony with the internal testimony id 1543-7651-3421. The DMLE has decided to start an official investigation regarding your abduction and the alleged involvement of Mr. Evan Rosier, Mr. Lucius Malfoy, Mr. Edward Nott and Mr. Walden Macnair. The accused have been asked to provide a written statement to the DMLE regarding their whereabouts in the night of your abduction within the next two weeks. As soon as the DMLE has received and has processed these statements, further steps will be taken as needed. The Wizengamot will be informed as necessary.

Please note that the DMLE has decided against arresting the accused because of the lack of proof to back up your statement. While your credibility is not questioned, a simple accusation is not deemed enough for arresting three well-respected members of our community.

You will be kept up to date on any further events regarding this investigation.

Have a great day.

Yours sincerely

Pirellus Greengrass

DMLE Investigation Department

James ground his teeth and threw the offending parchment back to the ground. It was bloody unbelievable! How obvious had Death Eaters to act until someone arrested them? He had heard their bloody names for Merlin's sake! He should have listened to his father! He had tried to warn him back in the hospital, but James had actually gotten his hopes up that he would be able to get at least some of these bastards thrown into Azkaban. He only fuzzily remembered giving his interview about the kidnapping. Two aurors he had never seen before had visited him in St. Mungo's a day after he had regained consciousness. Apparently, they had been part of the recuse team. He had expected Moody to come, but the grizzled auror was occupied elsewhere. James had answered all questions as best he could and the aurors had been rather friendly. They didn't seem to have any doubts regarding his credibility and James could not think of anything he could have done to improve his statement. Furthermore, the aurors had seemed quite interested and eager to see the offenders arrested. He could not think of any reason why they would want to protect the suspected Death Eaters. Either the Ministry was slowing things down or the accused had decided to bring out all the tricks in the book. James knew that many old pure-blood families considered themselves above the law. Their famous names and old money bought of lot of influence and together they could often get out of messy situations without too much trouble. Also, they had access to the best lawyers in the wizarding world and given how complicated wizarding law was, there was quite a good chance to find a loophole for almost any offense. James suspected that the Malfoy, Nott and Rosier family were putting in a lot of effort to keep their family members out of Azkaban. They had both the necessary influence and power to make a difference. Macnair only had an old name, whose glamour had long since faded, but his Death Eaters friends were not going to let him go the prison easily.

James sighed. He had no doubt that the Death Eater movement would have been defeated years ago if it were comprised of only Muggle-born. Too many influential members of wizarding society were at least somewhat sympathetic to the murderous idea of blood purity for any decisive action to be taken. James remembered the argument between Sirius and Lily back in the hospital. Maybe Sirius had a point after all. It was about time that these murderers were brought to justice! If that meant temporarily removing some of the safeguards of the judicative, then James was willing to pay the price. After all, there would be no more justice if the Death Eaters took over. He shivered at the thought. How would a victory of the Death Eaters look like? Would the Ministry fight to the last man and all the Death Eaters would rule over would be the gutted hulk of a country? No, probably not. Resistance was too half-hearted even now for this to be an option. Maybe they would go for some kind of coup and at put on the appearance of an orderly transition of power. Hell, maybe they would have the guts to appoint one of their own as candidate for Minister of Magic in the next election. While Voldemort had no chance of ever being accepted as a candidate, a well-connected pure-blood, whose ties to the Death Eaters were not proven, might very well have a chance. It would be the ultimate gambit. Voldemort would pull the strings from behind the curtains and the wizarding world would not even notice that it had been taken over by terrorists. James hoped that this day would never come. If the Death Eaters somehow gained access to the resources of the Ministry, things would become very grim for all of their enemies. From what his father had told him, the Ministry could be quite formidable if it really wanted to be. Granted, he had a hard time picturing that at the moment, but maybe the bad performance of the Ministry was truly caused by Voldemort's agents rather than by its own incompetence. However, it hardly mattered. James knew without a doubt that he could not rely on the Ministry to either protect him or to defeat the Death Eaters.

It was a sobering thought and also caused him to reconsider his own plans for the future. Like Sirius, he had planned to join the aurors once he was done with school. In fact, the rather lengthy and complicated form one used to apply for the auror program was stored in his bag. He had started filling it out during the weekend, but had not gotten around to finishing it by now. Sirius had already sent his in a flurry of rather unusual activity. His best mate was more than eager to do his part in the fight against the Death Eaters. It worried James sometimes. Sirius could be almost maniacally dedicated if he wanted to be. James vividly remembered the early days of their attempts at becoming animagi. Sirius had spent whole nights in the restricted section of the library, trying to come up with all the information they needed. Now, he was using the very same energy to make sure he got into the auror program. He had fussed over the perfect wording for his cover letter for a whole weekend and had started studying properly for school for the first time ever. The auror program only accepted the best of the best after all. While James could understand his friend's dedication, he still found it weird to be reminded to do his homework by Sirius of all people. Apparently, his best mate was worried that they would not be able to become aurors together if James slacked off too much. Naturally, both Remus and Lily were very pleased about Sirius's new work ethic, but James did not appreciate it at all. He had been just fine with only Lily and Remus nagging him about school work. These were strange times indeed if they managed to turn Sirius Black of all people into a model student.

James wondered how exactly it would feel to work as an auror. His father had told him some stories over the years, but they were only little pieces of the big picture. How did a typical day as an auror look like? How did you cope with the huge work load and the constant danger in the field? How quickly were rookie aurors sent on field missions? Aurors were better paid than most entry level jobs at the Ministry of Magic, which was not terribly surprising given the danger of the profession, but James suspected that most aurors were not just motived by money. He felt like he had too little information to make such a serious decision. Maybe he should write to his father and ask him what he thought about his son joining the aurors. James didn't have to ask his mother to know what she thought about it, though. As long as he could remember, she had always been less than happy about her husband's profession. She had been opposed to the long hours, to the huge danger, to the brutality you both had to deal out and take. She had been very happy when her husband had finally retired. She would be furious if either Sirius or he joined the auror department. Sirius could probably get away with only a serious scolding, as he was only her surrogate son and therefore had some more liberties than James had, but James himself would be in a lot more trouble. James could understand his mother's reservations very well, but he could not just ignore what was happening around him. In each case, he should break the news to her carefully. Springing it on her was a recipe for disaster. Maybe he ought to talk with his father about this. He normally could get her to calm down.

The sound of approaching footsteps caused James to snap out of his thoughts. Only a few moments later, Marlene entered the alcove and almost barrelled into him. Clearly, she had not expected the space to be occupied.

'Careful there,' said James, reaching out with his hands to stabilize her as she had lost her balance during her abrupt stopping motion.

'What are you doing here?' she asked. 'Shouldn't you be in Charms?'

'I am brooding angrily about my life and the world,' said James dryly. 'Shouldn't you be in Herbology?'

'Maybe,' she said flippantly. 'But like you I have decided that I would rather spend my time thinking about a few things.'

'Really, like what?'

'The fact that both you and your idiot best friend are gits has been on my mind quite often during the last few days,' she said. However, there was not bite behind her words and James knew that she had calmed down about Sirius's wandering lips by now. 'Budge over, I need to sit down.'

'You are so charming today, Marlene,' he said, rolling his eyes. Nevertheless, he made room for her and she settled down next to him, her shoulder pressing against his. 'So, do you want to talk about Sirius?'

'Not particularly, no,' she said. 'We had agreed not to talk about our love lives, remember? And Sirius is your best mate which makes this even more awkward than it is already. Besides there is not really anything to talk about, is there?'

'A lot of agreements are getting broken at some point in time,' said James. He was not quite sure why he was pushing her, given that he himself was not too keen on having this conversation, but he did so nevertheless. Maybe it would cathartic for both of them. 'And I actually think that there is quite a lot to talk about.'

'You might very well think that, but I am still not interested,' said Marlene grumpily.

'How about a trade? You tell me about your issues with Sirius and I am going to tell you a little secret about my own love life,' said James.

Marlene snorted.

'You don't have a love life,' she said. 'I haven't see you even glance at anybody since Amber and you fell apart. You are not even flirting with Lily anymore. What could you possibly tell me?'

'Well, there is only one way to find out,' said James, grinning co*ckily. 'However, I am quite sure that you are not going to regret talking to me.'

Marlene looked torn for a moment, before she nodded.

'Fine, I will bite,' she said. 'Spit it out then.'

'That's not how this works. You go first.'

'What? Why?'

'Because I know that you will immediately close off and walk away as soon as you have satisfied your curiosity,' said James smugly.

'I hate you,' said Marlene, scowling at him.

'No, you don't,' said James lightly. 'But fine, I am going to give you some help getting started. It seems quite obvious to me that you are more serious about Sirius than you had initially planned. Otherwise you would have never reacted that strongly to him snogging another girl.'

'I had figured that part out myself,' grumbled Marlene. 'I am a fool for feeling that way, though. I should have known that Sirius would go for a different girl sooner or later. When I first approached him, I just wanted something simple and safe. Something that could keep me in my comfort zone. And Sirius was the perfect choice for that. He never pressured me for anything romantic. He was happy to just hook-up and be casual. It was such a nice change in contrast to Charlie’s overbearing manner that I did not pay too much attention to the dynamic between us.'

'Things got more and more intimate over time for you and you assumed that he felt the same way,' said James.

'Yeah, exactly,' said Marlene, looking at him in surprise. 'How do you know that? You have never paid too much attention to the two of us.'

'I have some experience in the matter,' said James darkly. 'It is almost exactly what happened to me with Amber.'

'Right, I should have known that,' said Marlene. 'I mean, you have never talked to me about this, but I got enough out of Sirius to figure out what had been going on.'

'I should deck him in the face the next time I see him,' grumbled James. 'He can't keep his bloody mouth shut.'

'It is not his fault that I am so persuasive,' said Marlene with a smile. 'And he didn't tell me much: It was rather easy to figure out once I knew about her arranged marriage. Combined with the heartbroken expression you wore every time she was mentioned, it wasn't too difficult to figure out.'

'Yes, you are very smart,' said James, rolling his eyes. 'But this talk is about you and Sirius and not about Amber and me. So, what are you going to do next?'

'I am not sure,' admitted Marlene. 'I mean, I am not even sure I want a proper relationship. You know how I feel about all the expectations and the pressure surrounding these. And after the rather horrible ending of my last one, I am not particularly eager to just jump into the next one.'

'It hardly qualifies as jumping if you get together with Sirius after sort-of dating him for almost a year,' pointed James out. 'I think you are overthinking this. Obviously, you cannot just go one the way you were before. You would only get hurt again, as Sirius will still be attracting the attention of other witches. Why don't you just sit down with him, tell him that you want to be exclusive and carry on the way you were before? After all, it was clear for everyone but the two of you that you were a couple.'

'Hang on: We weren't a couple,' said Marlene. 'We were not doing any romantic rubbish. Instead, we were only enjoying each other's company.'

'Rubbish,' said James. 'You can deny it all you want, but it is the truth. I have seen the way you two look at each other. Also, you two were always out on a date and even went on a holiday together! How is that not romantic rubbish? And I know for a fact that Sirius has fretted for weeks about what he was supposed to get you for Christmas. Apparently, he drove Peter up the wall with his antics. Poor bloke was so annoyed he even complained to me about it even though he knew that I didn't want to hear anything regarding Sirius and you.'

'Alright, alright,' said Marlene, lifting her hands in surrender. 'So maybe we were a little close than I thought. That still does not change anything, though. Sirius does not want a relationship and I am still not sure whether I want one. There is nothing here for either of us to do.'

'Maybe you should actually talk with Sirius about this before jumping to that conclusion,' said James.

'Come off it, James,' said Marlene. 'Sirius has never had any interest in properly dating a girl. His attention span is so short, he usually dumps the girl after a brief shag or two. It is a miracle that we two lasted as long as we did.'

'Which is precisely why it might actually work,' said James. 'You have been seeing each for almost a year now and believe me I know how unusual that is for Sirius. He must see you as something special or he would have moved on already. So, it cannot do you any harm to try to make more out of this.'

'Do you really think he cares that much about me?' asked Marlene, looking both hopeful and a little scared.

'Well, it is hard to tell with Sirius,' said James. He knew he must choose his words carefully. If he overstated his best mate's interest in her, Marlene was bound to either be disappointed when Sirius coolly rebuffed her or she would bolt right away as she felt pressured.

'He is one of the most closed-off persons I know. I can guess what he is thinking most of the time, but he has surprised me on more than one occasion in the past. Both for the better and for the worse. But I know that Sirius is a person of habits and he doesn't break his habits without a good reason. He doesn't spend a lot of time with girls once he has slept with them and under normal circ*mstances he followed this rule like it was a law. However, not only has he broken it for you, he also risked getting into trouble with me in the process. I believe in actions over words and Sirius's actions clearly show that he is more than a little interested in you. So, we know that you may want a relationship and he may want a relationship. That sounds rather promising to me.'

'You know it doesn't sound that terrible if you say it like that,' said Marlene. She chewed on her bottom lip as she thought furiously. 'What should I do now?'

'Figure out what you want and then talk to Sirius,' said James. 'Find out what he wants and go on from there.'

'What if either of us doesn't want a relationship?'

'Then you don't have one,' said James, shrugging. 'It hardly is the end of the world. And I was against that relationship from the start anyway.'

She hit him lightly on the shoulder in response.

'Be nice,' she chided. 'I know you don't mean that.'

'Whatever you do, at least try to make it civil,' said James. 'I don't want to have to pull you two apart and hand out detentions.'

'We will see about that,' said Marlene. 'That prick still owes me an apology for snogging that slag. No matter whether we were exclusive or not, he should have better taste than her.’

James kept his mouth shut at that. O'Connell was a beautiful girl, hardly a slag and technically Sirius had done nothing wrong. He was wise enough not to say any of these things to Marlene through. Sometimes the truth was not welcome.

'Thanks for that,' she said after a moment. 'I feel much better now. You are better at this sort of thing than I thought.'

'Please Marlene, it is widely known that I am an expert in romantic matters,' said James with a flourish. 'In fact, I expect Witch Weekly to approach me very soon. Apparently, they are looking for a love healer who educates their reads in the inner workings of the heart.'

Marlene snorted.

'Of course, how could I forget that?' she said. 'Well, I have fulfilled my part of the bargain. Now it is your turn. What exciting change has happened in your love life?'

'I have been dating Lily for around half a year now,' said James. He felt his face stretch into a huge smile at the words. He had never thought that he would live to see that day where he could say them and by Merlin did it feel good! 'She wanted to keep things private at first, but my kidnapping made it clear to her that she wants to enjoy my company as much as possible. So, we are officially a couple now.'

Marlene blinked. Then, she broke into laughter.

'That was a good one,' she said, wheezing after she had calmed down again. 'You know I feared that you were losing your touch with the whole head-boy thing, but you still crack great jokes.'

'I am not joking,' said James, a little offended that that idea of him finally getting Lily seemed so ridiculous to his friend. 'We are dating.'

Marlene eyed him critically for a moment. James folded his arms and glared back at her, trying to convey with his eyes how serious he was about that subject. Finally, she seemed to grasp it. Her eyes widened in shock and before James had any chance to react, she had hurled herself at him and hugged him tightly.

'Oh my god,' she squealed. 'I can't believe it! Finally! Someone must inform the prophet! Miracles can still happen! This is the best news of the year!'

'I never thought you would be that happy about it,' said James, wheezing for breath through her embrace. 'If I remember correctly, you were never a fan of the idea of the two of us dating.'

'I never was a fan of you bothering her every minute,' corrected Marlene after releasing him. 'It got on everybody's nerves and made Lily very difficult to deal with. But I actually agree with Mary: I can see the two of you working as a couple. I never wanted to tell you before, as I didn't want to encourage you. Your ego was big enough as it was.'

'I could have done with some support,' said James sourly. He still vividly remembered the times when he had chased after Lily and he never wanted to feel that way again in his life. 'It wasn't easy for me back then.'

'It would have been a lot easier for you if you had just taken the hint and left her alone,' said Marlene dismissively. 'However, that is all in the past now. You have to tell me everything!'

'I thought you didn't care about my love life,' said James.

'I don't, but now you are dating Lily and that is something else entirely,' said Marlene. 'You two are sensational news. Just wait for word to spread. The rumour mill is going to bloody explode! Head-boy and head-girl become a couple after years of one-sided hatred. Isn't it a wonderful love story? And you are pure-blood and Muggle-born as well. What a wonderful symbol in these times!'

'I don't care about setting any kind of symbol.'

'You may not care about them, but you are sending them with your actions,' said Marlene. 'Now, spill. And start at the very beginning. I want to know everything'

James sighed, but realized that she was not going to let him go without getting something out of him. Resigning to his fate, he launched into his story.

Chapter 41

Chapter Text

'Come on,' said James as he dragged her by the hand through the corridors.

'James, what are you doing?' asked Lily, half amused, half exasperated. 'We should get to lunch. If we hurry, we will have some quiet time in the common room before the rest of the Gryffindors get back. I still need to revise for charms tomorrow.'

'Sod charms and sod the rest of our house,' said James. 'If I have to spend one more hour revising, I will go mental! I have a far better idea how we can spend the lunch hour.'

'I am not sure what you have in mind, but I doubt that I am going to like it,' said Lily.

'We will see about that,' said James, smiling. They rounded another corner and James spied their final destination: An old and battered tapestry with a nice alcove behind it. 'Here we are, follow me behind this.'

Lily raised an eyebrow at his choice of destination, but followed him in without complaint. When the tapestry swung shut behind them, it left them shielded from view. The sunlight streaming into the corridor was reduced to shadowy twilight. James could still make out Lily's form in the dimness, but only barely.

'So, you have rushed here to get me somewhere isolated and quiet,' said Lily sounding amused. 'I think I can figure out where this is heading. What part of “I have to study” didn't you understand?'

'You are going to blow up with pressure if you keep studying at such an excessive rate,' said James dismissively. 'Come on Lily, it has been ages and it is driving us up the wall.'

He closed the distance between them and put his hands on her hips. She sighed, but didn't move away.

'It has been a while, indeed,' she said. 'Fine, but can we at least move this to your dorm? People could stumble into us here.'

'Bad idea,' said James. 'Remus said he planned to skip lunch and get a head start on potion work. He will be up in the dorm by now. Unless you don't mind shagging me with him in the room, we should stay away from there.'

'Funnily enough, I do mind,' said Lily, wrinkling her nose. 'I would prefer a bed, though.'

'Somehow I like the thought of pushing you against that wall,' said James. He leaned down and captured her lips in a searing kiss. She sighed again, but this time with pleasure and buried one of her hands in his thick hair.

'Have I ever told you that you are a terrible influence?' asked Lily between kisses. 'I can't believe how easily you have talked me into this.'

'You might have mentioned it once or twice,' said James. 'And it is not my fault that I am a natural charmer.'

He helped her out of her robes and slipped his hand under her shirt. Then, he slowly trailed his hand up her sensitive belly. When he had finally reached her breasts, he was pleased to find that she was not wearing a bra.

'Well, well, well,' he said as he circled her right nipple with his fingers. 'What a nice surprise. Were you expecting me to ambush you like this?'

'No,' hissed Lily between breaths. Her nipples were very sensitive, much to James's joy. 'But in retrospective I should have been able to predict this.'

'Why aren't you were a bra then?' asked James softly into her ear, before lowering his mouth to her neck and gently biting down.

'It is Marlene's fault,' said Lily. 'Damnit James, you bloody tease! Apparently, she read an article in Witch Weekly how wearing bras will make your breast sag faster and she was very keen to warn everybody about it.'

'That's very nice of her,' said James. He captured Lily's mouth back with his own and started unbuttoning her shirt. 'Looking out for each other is important, after all.'

'I will let her know that you approve,' said Lily. 'Not that she will notice given how wrapped up she is in her new and hot relationship with Sirius.'

'Ah, young love,' said James. He had finished opening her shirt by now and had a nice view on her firm breasts. The rosy nipples were hardened already and James figured he ought to pay more attention to them. He put one into his mouth and sucked on it while using his hand to tease the other. Lily made a strangled noise in her throat and grabbed his hair firmly. James had never figured out her exact reasons, but she loved to tug at it during sex. A rather astounding thing given how much she used to hate it back in the day.

'God, James,' she moaned. 'More, I need more.'

James briefly release her nipple from his mouth to talk properly.

'In that case, why don't I pull down your panties and finger you in addition?' he asked huskily. 'Would you like that? It would hardly be classy, but I think you don't care too much about that by now.'

'Yes, please,' she moaned. 'Or just skip the fingers and use your co*ck.'

'Patience,' chided James. 'I wonder: Have you skipped the knickers today as well? It would be very naughty to take an exam with nothing under you skirt wouldn't it be?'

'Why don't you put your hand to good use and find out?' said Lily breathlessly.

James chuckled at how pushy she was. He moved his right hand under skirt and slowly trailed it up her bare leg. She shivered slightly at his touch and James briefly considered teasing her further by taking his time, but discarded the thought. He did not want to be too annoying after all. He his hand between her legs and encountered wet cloth rather than silky skin.

'Hm, too bad,' he mused. 'Well, I guess it would have been too much to ask.

He deftly pushed the fabric away and slipped two fingers into her. Normally, he would start with one and work his way up from there, but she seemed so eager that he felt like he could be bolder. She was sopping wet and very tight around his fingers. It really had been too long since he had last f*cked her. Lily arched into him and only barely managed to stifle her moan. He put his mouth back to work on her nipples and focused on keeping a proper rhythm. His thumb went searching for her cl*t and Lily started bucking into him when he found the sensitive nub. It only took a moment for her to org*sm from all this simulation. She stuffed a fist into her mouth to prevent her scream from echoing through the corridor. James kept pushing into her until her contractions had subsided and her breathing was getting even again. Then he pulled his fingers out of her and kissed her softly.

'Feeling better now?' he asked here, feeling very pleased with himself.

'I can't believe we just did that,' she said weakly.

'It was brilliant, wasn't it?'

'Yes, it was,' admitted Lily. 'But we aren't done yet. You must be terribly hard. Do you want to shag me or should I suck you off?'

'I am going to pound you into the wall,' said James. 'And I am not going to hold back.'

'Get going then,' said Lily. 'Off with the robes.'

James slipped out of his robes, unzipped his jeans and pulled his painfully hard co*ck out through the fly. Normally, he preferred to take his time while shagging, but today he need it rough and fast.

Lily used the downtime to properly remove her wet knickers and stuff them in the pockets of her discarded robes. As soon as he was ready, James jumped her. He crushed his mouth to hers and pushed her roughly against the wall behind her. She opened her legs for him and James felt his co*ck brush against her belly. He was way too tall to penetrate her from this angle.

'That's not going to work,' she breathed in between kisses.

'Not to worry,' said James. 'I am going to lift you up and you are going to wrap your legs around me.'

'I am not sure I am going to be able to hold myself in place.'

'You will be fine,' said James. 'I don't think it will be long.'

He took a small step back and put his hands on her bare bum. With a grunt, he lifted her slightly upwards so that his co*ck was at the proper angle to enter her. He gently pushed inwards and groaned at the wonderful feeling. Lily wrapped her legs around his waist as he had told her to do and supporting her weight became much easier. Using the wall as support, James started pounding into her in a hard and fast rhythm. Lily moaned at the rough treatment and urged him on, but James only barely registered the words. He was too focused on his own release. As he had predicted, it didn't take long him long to reach the point of no return. He came with a long groan, spilling his hot seed inside of her. His whole body relaxed at the sensation. Lily was close as well. She frantically tried to reach her second org*sm, but his rapidly softening co*ck didn't provide enough simulation. He told her to let go of him, pulled his co*ck out of her and lowered her back to the ground. Then, he kissed her again and put his fingers back to work. She only needed a little encouragement for her second org*sm.

They continued kissing lazily until they both had come down from their high. It hardly was romantic or even comfortable to shag in a dingy alcove behind a tapestry, but it was quite satisfying nevertheless.

'We really shouldn't have done that,' said Lily quietly as she pressed a kiss to his neck. 'We didn't even cast a silencing charm. Anyone walking by had been able to hear us.'

'True,' said James lazily. 'Just picture McGonagall's face if she had walked into us. I don't think she would have ever recovered from that shock.'

'I am very glad that I will never find out,' said Lily, sounding mortified at the thought. 'I don't want her to know how much you have corrupted me.'

'I prefer to think of it as improving you,' said James smugly. He kissed her forehead softly. 'And I think you are making great progress.'

'Prat,' she said lightly. 'And don't think you are getting out of helping me revise for charms. In contrast to you, I take my exams very serious.'

'Fine, as long as we can squeeze in a few breaks in which we can... relax,' said James. 'This one here was very effective, don't you think?'

'You really have a one-track mind, do you know that?'

'Not true, I also think a lot about Quidditch,' deadpanned James.

'Of course,' said Lily, amused. 'How could I ever forget that? Still, you should take a leave out of Sirius's book and spend more time studying. You want to get into auror training, don't you?'

'Just because he lost his mind, doesn't mind I have to do the same,' said James. 'My grades are fine and I don't need to spend every waking hour of the day to get an impressive collection of N.E.W.T.s. Neither does Sirius, but he is a crazy. Runs in the family, you know? Besides, the Ministry has just announced that they are going to lower the standards and improve payment during the first year of auror training. Apparently, people are not exactly excited about becoming aurors at the moment.'

'Not everybody is a brave as Sirius and you,' said Lily. 'I am not surprised, but it saddens me nevertheless. One would think that more people would be willing to defend their country against these maniacs.'

'Sadly, not everybody cares as much about equality as they should,' said James. 'But let's not talk about this now. That was the first time this week when I could unwind properly. Let's worry about the war when we are done with these bloody exams.'

'Right,' said Lily. 'Do you think we still have the time to grab some lunch? I am starving.'

James checked his watch.

'We have about five minutes of lunch left so probably not,' he said. 'Let's head down to the kitchens then. The house elves will be able to help us out.'

'Alright then,' said Lily. 'But are you sure the elves won't mind? I don't want to cause them additional work.'

'House elves are the happier the more work they have,' said James dismissively. 'Don't worry about them. Besides, they know me. I have lost count of how often I have snuck down to the kitchens with the rest of the Marauders. The elves were always happy to see us.'

'It is really weird,' said Lily pensively. 'The sole point of their existence seems to be to serve wizards. But that makes no sense: Why would a species evolve to serve another one? Do you know whether house elves were always like this? Or were they created for a specific purpose?'

'No idea,' said James. 'To be honest I have never thought about it. I suppose it is possible that the house elves once existed as an independent species and were changed over time to what we know today. Like wolves were changed over time and became dogs. But I have a really hard time picturing elves living on their own.'

'As soon as I have some free time, I will look this up,' said Lily. 'It is quite interesting, isn't it?'

'I suppose,' said James to humour her. However, while he had always liked house elves, he didn't consider them fascinating creatures. 'I think we should get going if you still want to do some charms work.'

Lily agreed and they exited the small space behind the tapestry after putting on their missing clothing and attempting to fix their mussed appearances. Lunch was over by now and students were streaming to their lessons or to their common rooms if they had a free period. No one payed Lily and James any attention until they had almost reached their destination. They encountered Evan Rosier in a corridor who most likely was on his way back to the Slytherin common room. Both Lily and James and the Slytherin froze in their tracks when the recognized each other. Rosier recovered first. A sneer took over his face.

'Now look at that,' he said quietly. 'The Mudblood and the blood-traitor. What a nice surprise.'

'Watch your mouth, Rosier,' said James. 'We are head-boy and head-girl and you are all alone for once. What's the matter? Did you antagonize the rest of your Death Eater friends?'

'I don't need anybody's protection, Potter,' said Rosier. 'You two on the other hand should be very careful. I have heard rumours that you want to become an auror, Potter. That is a very dangerous profession in these times.'

'Not as dangerous as being a Death Eater,' replied James coolly. 'I guess you must be braver than I thought.'

'You should be careful with accusations like that,' said Rosier. 'Especially, as you have not proof at all. Haven't you learned that by now? I have heard that the Ministry is about to stop the investigation against me any day now. How does that make you feel, Potter? It seems that you are the only person in the world convinced that I am a Death Eater.'

'Hardly,' said James. 'You are just lucky the Ministry is playing by the rules. I bet if I were to stun you and took a look at your forearm, I would find that blasted skull there. What I can't understand, though, is why you have joined these bastards in the first place. I can't be only about blood purity.'

'Why not?' asked Rosier. 'You and I both know that the pure-bloods are in decline. Fewer and fewer of us exist every generation and it is about time that something is done to reverse the trend. Diluting your noble blood certainly is not helping even though you seem to enjoy doing it.'

'So what? You want pure-bloods to stick to having children with other pure-bloods?' asks Lily heatedly. 'There aren't even enough of you around to keep this up! You would end up having to marry your relatives!'

'True enough,' said Rosier. 'Though it hardly seems appropriate of you to lecture me on pure-blood affairs. I have no interest in talking to you, Evans. I am only being civil out of respect for your boyfriend's family name.'

'How gracious,' said James. 'She has a point though. Killing each other is not going to change the fact that pure-bloods cannot sustain themselves anymore. I don't see how the Death Eaters are going to fix that.'

'We will see,' said Rosier. 'Things will look very different once we have retaken the Muggle world. Also, you should know, Potter, that there are a lot of different reasons for joining the Death Eaters. Pure hatred for Muggle and Mudbloods is what drives some of his followers. Others are more sensible and recognize a tectonic shift in the political landscape when they see it. Like it or not: The Death Eaters are going to win this fight. And when this all of this is over and the wizards have taking back their place in the world, then all of his followers will be richly rewarded. You really should have taken the offer the Dark Lord gave you. Now, all you will be able to earn in this fight is death. What a bloody waste.'

'Come off it, Rosier,' said James. 'You have never liked me and I strongly doubt that you would regret seeing me dead.'

'Probably not, but I wouldn’t enjoy it either,' said Rosier. 'You may be an unredeemable blood traitor, but at least you are a talented and smart pure-blood. If you only had realized the truth, you could have been a great asset to our cause. But that owl has flown, hasn't it? And having clarity in the matter is nice as well.'

'If you had truly believed that James would even consider joining your group of murders, you don't know him at all,' said Lily hotly. 'He is too good a person for that! And in contrast to you, Rosier, he is not willing to kill people for personal gain. You are even worse than the die-hard purists out there! You are only an opportunist, sensing a chance to make something out of himself! They at least believe in their manic delusions!'

'Oh, trust me Evans, I have never believed that Potter could become one of us,' said Rosier, smiling coldly. 'Everybody with half a brain can tell that he is too far gone. The fact that you have finally spread your legs for him, has been the final nail in the coffin for that idea. But other people thought that there was chance that he would see reason, so I had to play messenger for a while. Not that I minded too much. Seventh year was so boring that it was a nice change in the routine. And speaking of opportunism: You should be glad for every opportunist in the Death Eaters. An opportunist is only going to kill you if he has to, a fanatical purist is going to do it for fun and will probably torture you to death. Who would you rather meet on the battlefield?'

'None, thank you very much,' said Lily coldly. 'You are not going to get away with this Rosier! Your master will get defeated and you will rot the rest of your life in Azkaban. Just you wait!'

'You know, Potter, I have never seen the appeal of head-strong woman, but Evans here is quite entertaining,' said Rosier. 'Well, it has been fun, chatting with you, but I guess I will let your two lovebirds carry on then. Enjoy the last weeks of school. I have a feeling that life after school is not going to be fun for you.'

'While you of course will have the time of your life running around and killing Muggles with your Death Eater mates,' said Lily scathingly. 'You are scum, Roiser!'

Rosier just smiled enigmatically at her and started walking away from them. James battled the urge to whip out his wand and curse the retreating figure. He knew he shouldn't. While Rosier was a terrible person, it was not fair to hex someone from behind and it probably would be over the top.

'Just leave him,' said Lily weakly. 'He isn't worth getting in trouble for.'

James was a bit surprised that she had been able to guess what he was thinking about that precisely. She must know him better by now than he had realized. He relaxed slightly and turned his face to her.

'Are you alright?' he asked her. She looked a bit shaken.

'Fine,' she said tensely. 'I am not going to let that git get to me. Let's go and grab something to eat.'

James knew well enough not to push the issue. Instead, the continued their way to the kitchen in silence.

After a rather hurried and quiet late lunch, they returned to their common room. They found the rest of Marauders and Marlene huddled together over their Charm work. The newcomers squeezed into a spot in the circle and sat down.

'What took you two so long?' asked Marlene. 'The exam finished ages ago and we didn't see you at lunch.'

'Oh, we went for a walk and had a late lunch in the kitchen,' said Lily casually. She blushed a little and James had to struggle to keep his face neutral. It would not do to give away their secret by appearing too pleased with himself.

'Were you now?' said Sirius critically. 'I am surprised by that, Evans. I had expected you to be the first one back in the common room, eager to study for Charms. It seems that James's bad habits are rubbing off on you.'

'My bad habits?' scoffed James. 'Only because you have suddenly turned into a model student, doesn't mean that I have to follow your path. You should be glad I am as accepting of your newly studious nature as I am. If our roles were reversed, you would never give me a moment of rest.'

'I am not a model student,' said Sirius, looking affronted at the very idea. Peter snorted at that.

'Oh, please,' he said. 'You have been absolutely mental since you decided to become an auror. Even Remus and Lily are not as dedicated as you are. And just yesterday you told some third years off for being too loud in the common room! Sirius Black telling people of for being too loud! That is utterly absurd.'

'Not my fault these gits can't control themselves,' grumbled Sirius while the rest of them burst into laughter. 'And you have already mentioned the key difference, Peter: I do this because I want to become an auror! I don't care about what the teachers think of me or whether I follow all the rules in this school. I just do it because I want to reach a goal. That makes me totally different from all the poncy teacher-pets.'

'Of course it does, dear,' said Marlene, patting his arm consolingly while smiling widely. 'You are the rebel with the perfect homework and the ten hour study sessions. They will never have your kind of attitude.'

Sirius scowled at her.

'You are supposed to back me up here!' he pouted. 'Isn't that what girlfriends are supposed to do?'

'Only if their boyfriends are actually in the right,' said Marlene.

'I am starting to dislike our new arrangement already,' said Sirius.

'Hush now,' said Marlene. 'I wouldn't have backed you up if we were still just casually dating either.'

'Anyway,' said Sirius. 'We were talking about Evans's newly picked up bad habits. I have to say I would have expected a better example of our head-students in these most stressful times. You two should have been here with us, studying rather than gallivanting over the grounds.'

'Like we don't do enough of that already,' said James, rolling his eyes. 'Besides, it is a nice change to get away from everybody once in a while. I never would have believed that people would be that excited about me and Lily dating. I mean it has been more than a month and still people comment on it. And I never would have expected things to become even worse with the Slytherins than before. I guess I was wrong.'

'How could you not have seen that coming?' asked Remus. 'You were already considered one of the worst blood traitors by the purists before you decided to date Lily. She is everything purists hate and in their minds she has no right to date someone with your noble blood. I am surprised that they only have stuck to nasty words so far.'

'They haven't,' said Lily quietly. 'Mulciber tried to hit me with something nasty yesterday in the corridors. I managed to dodge it and was just about to curse him back, when he disappeared in the crowd.'

'What?' said James sharply. 'Why didn't you tell me? I would have cursed that git into next week!'

'Which is precisely why she didn't tell you, James,' said Marlene patiently. 'Did you at least report him?'

'No,' said Lily. 'After all nothing happened and I have better things to do than talking Slughorn into punishing a student. Not when we are that close to our exams and to leaving school for good.'

'You should have reported him,' said James firmly. 'He shouldn't get away with that. I have had it with scum like Rosier and him.'

'Rosier?' asked Remus. 'What about him? He has kept his distance in the past few weeks, hasn't he?'

'We ran into him on our way back,' said James. 'He was very smug. Apparently, the Ministry of Magic isn't going to do anything about him and his friends abducting me. And somehow he knows that I have applied to the auror office. He was very sure that I am going to find an early death on the job.'

'Stupid git,' growled Sirius. 'Bloody Ministry. It is no wonder they get nothing done with all the Death Eater sympathizers running around. We really need to purge the place when all this is over. I bet you anything that Voldemort would have been caught already if the Ministry had only acted sooner.'

'Rosier also told James that he should have taken Voldemort's offer back during the kidnapping,' said Lily.

Peter and Marlene winced at her words.

'What?' asked Lily.

'You probably shouldn't say his name,' said Marlene. 'I have read twice already that it is cursed. The Death Eaters will know when you say their master's name and they will come looking for you.'

'Utter rubbish,' said Sirius. 'That is just a stupid rumour some nutcase started and it is spreading like wildfire. Besides, what are we going to call him when he can't use his name?'

'One columnist in the prophet calls him "You-Know-Who"', said Peter. 'He seems to believe in the curse.'

'Well, he is an idiot then,' said Sirius patiently.

'But what if he is right?' asked Marlene. 'I agree with you, Sirius, that it is most likely nothing but a scary story running wild. But what it is true? There is little harm in avoiding his name after all. Let's just be careful.'

'That's ridiculous, Marlene,' said Lily calmly. 'Nothing is going to happen because use Voldemort's name.'

'Maybe, but I would feel a lot better if you didn't,' said Marlene. 'Please! Do it for me.'

'Oh for heaven's sake,' said Lily. 'Fine, then. As I have said, Rosier told James that he should have taken You-Know-Who's offer.'

'Doesn't surprise me that this cowardly git gives that particular piece of advice,' spat Sirius. 'Rosier is a particularly slimy Slytherin. He is always going to support the winning side. I bet you anything that he would be the first to defect if the Ministry gains the upper hand. Well, at least he is smart, I guess. Not as brainwashed as my stupid brother seems to be.'

'Did you speak to Regulus recently?' asked James. Sirius and his brother had not been on speaking terms for quite a while now. Ever since Sirius had been disinherited by his family, Regulus had avoided his older brother like the plague.

'Bumped into him last week,' said Sirius. 'He told me that I was a bloody fool for joining the aurors rather than become part of what he calls the proper side. I guess you can picture how the rest of the conversation went.'

'Vividly,' said Remus dryly. 'Well, as long as you only stuck to insulting each other, I think we can call this a success.'

'Oh, I wanted to curse some sense into his thick head alright,' said Sirius. 'But I didn't want to get thrown into detention that close to the exams just because he is an idiot. He really should know better. I am just glad that he will be stuck in school for another year. He is stupid enough to actually join the Death Eaters. Maybe this will all have blown over by then.'

'Maybe,' agreed James. 'But Rosier doesn't seem to think so. He is quite sure that the Death Eaters are going to win and according to him, I have already signed my death sentence multiple times. Well, I guess they can only kill my once, so there is no harm in making it count.'

'You really shouldn't joke about that,' said Marlene, looking aghast. 'Especially as you are about to join the most dangerous profession in Britain!'

'She is right,' said Remus. 'You should be very careful, James. The Death Eaters will be looking for you. You have offended their master personally, they are bound to go hard on you. The fact that you are dating a Muggle-born is not going to help as well.'

'Did you hear that Lily? It seems that dating you is especially dangerous,' said James. 'But it certainly seems to be worth it.'

Lily hit him gently on the shoulder, but let him kiss her nevertheless.

'I still can't believe that you two are really dating,' said Marlene, shaking her head. 'You were at odds at each other for so long, I was so sure that this day would never come.'

'She was at odds with me, I was quite open to idea of dating her,' corrected James with a smile on his face. 'It is not my fault that she is that stubborn.'

'I am not stubborn,' protested Lily. 'You were just a git for the majority of our school years.'

'Come off it, Evans, you are the most stubborn person I know,' said Sirius. 'I am with James: You could have realized that you two were meant to be at any time during the last two years.'

'Sirius, you shouldn't call anyone stubborn,' said Peter. 'That really is the pot calling the kettle black. And if I remember correctly, you were quite sure that James was never going to get Lily to go out with him. You even placed a bet on it early in fifth year.'

'Yes, a bet which I won,' said Sirius smugly. 'She never dated him in fifth year and I would have won the same bet in sixth year as well. Just because I am a realist doesn't mean that I don't support James.'

'Well, it is a good thing that you hadn't bet on it this year then,' said James. 'I only wished that everybody wouldn't make such a big deal out of this. Half of the girls are giggling madly if they see Lily and me holding hands, while the other half glares daggers at her. It is a bloody menace.'

'It will fade away with time, but for now you are something out of a romance novel,' said Marlene. 'Former foes overcoming their hatred and finding love is a classic theme in them after all. I wouldn't worry about it too much for the moment. You will be done with school soon after all.'

'Yes, but we still have to pass out exams first and wrap up all the loose ends before the year ends,' said Lily, giving James a pointed look. He realized instantly what she was referring too: He had deferred telling her the secret of his whereabouts during the full moons until the end of the school year. It seems that time was up.

'Oh, I am quite sure we will manage to do that,' he said to her, before changing the topic. The conversation went on, but James was not paying any attention anymore. His mind was racing, but only came up with the same solution over and over again: He had to use the Unbreakable Vow.

Chapter 42

Chapter Text

The rest of his N.E.W.T. exams passed in a blur. James lost count of all the hours of revising he did. It was utter chaos, but it helped keep his mind off Lily's request to finally get told their precious secret. However, his anxiety about telling her returned in full force about an hour after his final exam. It was a hot, but cloudy day and James quickly organized a Marauder meeting out on the deserted Quidditch pitch.

'What is it, Prongs?' asked Sirius. 'I was supposed to meet Marlene ten minutes ago. What are we doing here of all places? We have already won the Quidditch cup, you don't need to run any more drills.'

'I know that you git,' said James. 'Besides, if I were to run Quidditch drills with you, I wouldn't have asked Moony and Wormtail here and I probably would have brought a broom. I figured the Quidditch pitch was a good place to talk in private.'

'Hang on than,' said Remus. He whipped out his wand and cast a quick Muffliato. 'There, that should prevent anyone from listening in. What's going on, James? Is it because of the exam? Are you afraid that you might have failed?'

'Don't be ridiculous, I am a prodigy in transfiguration,' said James. 'No, it is about Lily. As you might remember, some time ago, she started to get rather pushy about knowing what we do over the full moon. I managed to stave off telling her until the end of the year. Time is running out and I think I want to tell her.'

'That's not wise, James,' said Sirius. 'Evans is a stickler for rules, she is not going to be pleased when she learns what we are doing. Can't you stave her off some more? Just work your way from one deadline to the next and you will be fine.'

'That's not going to work on Lily, Sirius,' said Remus. 'She is too smart. Are you sure you want to tell her, Prongs? It is a very serious secret to share.'

'Yes,' said James, surprised at the sudden conviction in his voice. 'I think it is the next step. We are closer than we ever were and I feel that we have to share this secret before we can take any further steps.'

'Like what?' asked Peter. 'Don't tell me you are about to marry her?'

James pressed his lips together in thought. That was a rather loaded question and he wasn't sure how to answer it correctly. His feelings were a bit complicated in that regard.

'I have thought about it,' he said eventually.

'Oh, for Merlin's sake,' said Sirius. 'Prongs, there is a war going on out there. You should focus on getting ready to fight and spend what little time you have enjoying yourself. You might be dead tomorrow, why on earth would you want to get married now?'

'The war is the whole point why I have to hurry up,' said James. 'I am about to become an auror and will end up on the front line of this conflict. I just don't have any time to waste. Under normal circ*mstances, I would be fine with dating Lily for a while before deciding on something that serious, but that is not an option. Waiting is not going to do me any good if there is a chance that I will die before having the chance to ask her.'

'And being married for the rest of your life does not mean much if you are going to die young anyway,' said Remus cynically. 'It makes sense, in a rather twisted kind of way. I still think it is a horrible idea to even consider getting married now, but I can understand the reasoning. Have you asked her already?'

'Not yet, I want to see how things are going with the animagus secret first,' said James. 'If she reacts well to it and I have settled into auror training, I am going to ask her. Maybe she will even say yes.'

'That is going to paint an even bigger target on your chest,' warned Peter. 'The Death Eaters are not going to react kindly to such a marriage. They will see it as a provocation.'

'I don't give a f*ck what these bastards think,' said James hotly. 'But I don't plan to broadcast my marriage anyway, so it is just as well. But the first step is telling Lily our secret. I want to ask for your blessings. I am not going to tell her if anyone of you doesn’t want me to.'

'You know the solution for this problem already,' said Remus. 'The Unbreakable Vow. We have talked about this months ago. I am fine as long as you make her take it.'

'I see,' said James. 'Do you think she will agree to this?'

Remus shrugged.

'I guess it depends on how much she really wants to know,' he said. 'I doubt that she is going to take it well when you bring up the vow, though.'

Sirius snorted.

'She is going to go ballistic,' he said gleefully. 'You probably shouldn't expect getting into her knickers anytime soon after that conversation.'

'Thanks for the support, Sirius,' said James dryly. 'I am always eager for your relationship advice.'

'You’re welcome,' said Sirius. 'Anyway, I still think that this is a mistake, but you if get her to take the vow, I am fine with it. I don't believe that she is going to do it, though. Evans doesn't have the balls to do anything as risky as this.'

'Don't underestimate her,' said Remus. 'Lily is one of the most headstrong people I know and I know a lot of stubborn old mules. If she really wants to know, she is going to take the vow.'

'We will see,' said James. 'Peter, what do you think? Do I have your permission to tell her as well?'

Peter looked conflicted for a moment, before sighing.

'Alright,' he said. 'I guess it is safe enough with the vow in place, but I still agree with Padfoot. It is not a good idea.'

'When has that ever stopped us?' asked James. 'Thanks to all of you. I know it is a lot to ask.'

'I just hope it is worth it,' said Sirius. 'You should be careful, though, James. If you start treating Evans like she is the most wonderful thing on the planet, like you did back in fifth year, she is bound to slip into her old behaviour. The most important thing I have learned during my years as Hogwarts most notorious heart breaker is that is always better to be too mean to a girl than to be too nice to her.'

Remus scoffed at him.

'Your series of one-night stands and one month relationships hardly qualify you as an expert in dating,' said Remus. 'Besides, you are not in the position to lecture James in this regard. You were quite vocal about your disdain for relationships in general in the past and now you are dating Marlene and swoon over her every day.'

'I don't swoon over her!'

'Yes, you do and you have been dating her for much longer than you are prepared to admit,' continued Remus. 'So, you are hardly the only one breaking his habits because of a girl.'

'Maybe, but I don't have to convince her to take an unbreakable vow in the process,' said Sirius.

'Not yet at least,' muttered James under his breath. 'Alright then. I will talk to Lily and see how she feels about this. Moony, will you be our witness for the vow?'

'Why do you ask him and not me?' said Sirius, looking affronted. 'Using the vow was my idea in the first place!'

'Because you are not taking this as seriously as you should and Lily actually likes me,' said Remus dryly. 'And don't even think about making that lame old joke again.'

Sirius huffed in annoyance, but didn’t argue.

'Of course, I will be the witness, James,' said Remus. 'I have read quite a bit about the vow in the meantime and I am prepared.'

'Good,' said James. 'I will find you as soon as I have got an answer from Lily.'

* * * * *

He found Lily about half an hour later on the top of the astronomy tower, looking over the grounds. It was still hot and humid, but wind breezing around the spire brought some relief.

'Enjoying the view?' asked James when he took his place next to her on the edge of the platform.

'Yes,' she said. 'Where you looking for me for a long time? I didn't tell anyone that I would be here.'

'No, I am actually quite good at finding people.'

'Sometimes, you have to tell how you do that.'

'I can't,' said James. 'It is a Marauder secret.'

'Of course it is,' said Lily. 'Speaking of secrets: When are you going to tell me your big secret? The year is almost over.'

'That depends on how badly you want to know it,' said James. 'I am going to tell you under one condition: I need a guarantee that you don't tell anyone.'

'Of course I am not going to tell anyone,' said Lily. 'You know that I can keep a secret.'

'Sadly, that's not good enough in this case,' said James. He was going to make one more attempt to talk her out of it. While some part of him wanted to tell her, he still thought it better to keep her in the dark. 'This secret is dangerous and I think it would be better for everyone if you just let this go. Not knowing about it is going to protect you in the long run, Lily.'

'No,' said Lily immediately. 'I need to know, especially if it is as dangerous as you say.'

'Then, I have to ask you to take an Unbreakable Vow that you don't reveal the secret to anyone,' said James, trying to sound as calmly as possible. He was not sure how well he had managed it, but Lily looked at him as though he had grown a second head.

'What?' she asked.

'If you want to know our secret, you have to take an Unbreakable Vow,' repeated James. 'You know what this is, don't you?'

'Of course I know what an Unbreakable Vow is,' she snapped. 'It is not exactly hard to figure out, is it? Blimey, James you can't be serious!'

'Why not?'

'Because using an Unbreakable Vow is completely insane,' she said. 'Breaking such a vow means death!'

'That is the whole point of these vows,' said James. 'They exist to secure very dangerous secrets and our secret falls in that category. It is only reasonable that we use whatever means necessary to protect it.'

'I can't believe you have that little trust in me,' said Lily, sounding hurt. 'I can understand that this a big secret, but you treat me like I am your enemy and not your girlfriend.'

'Not true,' said James. 'I would never ever tell one of my enemies about this. I have never even considered telling anyone else about this. Not even Marlene knows and she is my oldest friend. This offer is a symbol of my trust in you.'

'Funnily, it doesn't feel this way,' said Lily.

'Look, I know that it is a lot to take in,' said James, clamping down on the sparks of irritation rising in him. It was not his fault they were having this discussion after all. He would have been fine without ever telling her, but she had to stick her nose into his business and then was irritated about him protecting himself. It was hard not to get angry about that.

'You should take your time to think it through carefully. There is no way to remove the oath after it has been cast after all. It is a binding magical contract. If you are not sure about it, you shouldn't take it. It would be better for you to stay out this anyway.'

'I can figure out what's good for me quite fine on my own,' she said sharply. 'I just don't understand what you could have possibly done to warrant this kind of secrecy. I already know about Remus and your secret cannot be bigger than that.'

'Remus's condition is a different kind of secret,' said James. 'It is known the Ministry and he is in no danger to get punished for it anytime soon. Peter, Sirius and I have a different secret, something which could hurt us if it was more well-known. Therefore, we have to be more careful.'

'Yes, but there is a difference between being careful and being paranoid,' said Lily. 'Who came up with this ridiculous idea in the first place?'

'Remus and Sirius,' said James. 'I asked them for advice.'

'Remus agrees with this?' said Lily incredulously. 'I thought he was the responsible one.'

'He is and he does,' said James. 'He is going to be our witness should you decide to take the vow.'

'Unbelievable,' she said. She felt quiet for a moment, obviously deep in thought. It was not difficult to figure out what she was thinking about. She obviously wanted to know their secret, but the thought of taking an Unbreakable Vow was too troubling for her just to agree outright. Someone more reckless than she would probably have agreed by now. James hoped that she would listen to reason and decide to forget all about their secret. It would be better for everyone involved.

'Alright, let's do it,' she said after a moment. 'Let's get Remus and get this over with. We have danced around this for far too long already.'

'Really?' asked James, surprised at how quickly she had come up with a decision. 'Are you sure? You know that there is no way back after this, do you?'

'Of course,' she snapped. 'It isn't exactly difficult to figure out.'

'And you still want to do it?'

'Yes,' she said. 'I still think that it is an idiotic idea, but if you consider it necessary, I trust your judgement enough to do it. Besides, taking the vow should not have that much of an impact. I hadn't plan to tell anybody about your secret after all.'

James exhaled loudly for a moment and then sighed.

'Alright,' he said. It didn't feel right to make Lily take the vow just because there was a miniscule chance that she would betray him eventually. However, he knew that it was the rational thing to do and that the stakes he was playing with were too high to take any chances.

'Let's find Remus and do it.'

* * * * *

Half an hour later, Lily and the rest of the Marauders had gathered within the boy's dormitory. They were just about to begin after having cast a barrage of spells to ensure their privacy. It wouldn't do to be overheard or interrupted. After all, it would be highly ironic if they made Lily take an Unbreakable Vow before telling her about their animagus powers, only to reveal them to a fortunate observer in the process.

'Alright,' said Remus. 'Let's begin. Lily, James, take the positions we have discussed. Kneel down and clasp each other's hands.'

James did as he was told immediately. Lily hesitated for a split-second before moving into position. James could tell by the set of her jaw that she was determined to see this through. He smiled a little: One could always count on her being too stubborn for her own good. He took her hand in his and turned his head to Remus.

'Are you sure about our planned wording, Moony?' he asked. 'It is quite important that we get it right the first time. There is no room for errors.'

'Yes, I am,' said Remus. 'This variant of the vow is often used to protect sensitive information. It is exactly what we have been looking for. Remember: You must not let go of her hand before telling her the secret. Otherwise, it will not be protected properly. And you should keep it short and sweet.'

'Alright,' said James. 'Get over here so we can start. It is bloody uncomfortable to kneel on the floor.'

Remus smiled briefly and walked over to where Lily and James were located. He pulled out his wand and placed it on their joined hands, acting as bonder in the ritual.

'Ready,' he said.

James took a deep breath and steadied himself. This was it. Just a few more minutes and the vow would be in place.

'Will you, Lily, keep the secret you are about to learn strictly to yourself?' he said.

'I will,' said Lily.

A string of fire emerged from Remus's wand and wrapped itself around their clasped hands. Lily flinched slightly and Peter gasped in surprise. James knew that this was part of the ritual and signalled that it was working correctly. He was not sure whether he was overly happy about it, though.

'Will keep it hidden under any circ*mstances?' he asked.

'I will.'

Another tendril of fire appeared.

'And will you, to the best of your ability, prevent others from learning the secret?'

'I will.'

A third flash of fire filled the room.

'I will now reveal to you the secret you have sworn to protect,' said James. 'Sirius, Peter and I are animagi. We spend time with Remus during the full moons in our animal forms.'

The final strand of fire appeared, just as Lily’s mouth fell open. The tendril disappeared almost immediately and James felt a wave of magical power wash over him. The gravity of what he had just done disoriented him for a moment. He barely registered that Lily was equally effected. It passed as quickly as it had begun. James blinked and glanced over at Remus, who was looking at him in concern.

'Are you alright?' he asked.

'Fine,' said James. 'I think it worked.'

'I think so too,' said Remus. 'What about you Lily? Do you feel alright as well?'

'Yes,' she said. 'But I think that all of you are bloody mental.'

Remus snorted with amusem*nt and pocketed his wand again.

'That is probably true,' he said calmly. 'I tried to talk them out of it for days, but they wouldn't listen. In the end, I decided to help with the transformation, so that they wouldn't hurt themselves.'

'And you are all unregistered, aren't you?' said Lily. 'Of course you are. It is the only explanation for all the secrecy and no one would give you permission to become animagi while you are underage. I am not sure whether I should be impressed or curse you all until you can't stand!'

'Oh please, Evans, don't be so melodramatic,' said Sirius. 'Becoming animagi was harder than we first thought, but it was quite manageable in the end. Frankly, I don't see why the Ministry makes such a big deal out of it. Besides, we only did it to help Moony, so taking the risk was justified.'

'Right, you only took the risk, so you can do something even more dangerous,' said Lily, rolling her eyes. 'Do you really think that is going to calm me down?'

'Look, I can understand that it is a bit of a shock,' said James. 'And you are completely right, we are taking risks to help Remus. However, we think it is worth it, because it helps him deal with his condition. The full moons are better when he has company and while it can get a bit rough at times, we are save in our animal forms. Werewolves are only dangerous to humans after all.'

'That's commendable, but it is still mental,' said Lily. 'And if you had any sense, you would stop doing it immediately. But I have a feeling that you are going to keep doing it no matter what I say.'

'You are damn right we will,' said Sirius. 'Remus is our friend and he needs us.'

'Alright, I recognize a lost cause if I see one. But that doesn't mean that I like it,' said Lily.

'Fortunately, your opinion hardly matters in that regard,' said Sirius coldly.

'Sirius, be nice,' chided James. 'She is only trying to help.'

Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but Remus threw him a look which shut him up. Instead, he huffed and crossed his arms in defiance.

'Alright, now get going,' said Lily. 'Now that I know what you are, I want to see your forms.'

'It is a bit crowded in here,' said James. 'We need to make some space so I can transform.'

'Absolutely not,' said Remus. 'The last time you transformed in here, you and Sirius managed to trash the room. We should head outside for a show. There you will have ample room to show off, James.'

'I am not going to show off,' protested James, but Remus just gave him a disbelieving look.

'A trip to the forest is an excellent idea,' said Sirius. 'I need some fresh air. But are you up for it, Evans? The forest is a dark and dangerous place after all.'

'I am not easily scared,' said Lily, rolling his eyes at Sirius. 'What got your wand in a knot anyway? You have been acting like a total git all evening.'

'Maybe I am not happy with you worming your way into our secrets,' said Sirius. 'Maybe I want you to keep out of our business and leave James the space he needs rather than watching him a like a hawk. Just because I have agreed for James's sake doesn't mean that I have to like it.'

James groaned. He had thought that Sirius was alright with him telling Lily, but apparently, he had underestimated his best mate's dislike for his girlfriend. It hardly was surprising that the two of them clashed: Their personalities were very different after all, but he would have appreciated it if Sirius had at least tried to get along with Lily.

'Very well, then,' said Lily primly. 'Be that way. I don't think there is any merit in arguing about it further. You and I clearly not agree on the role I am supposed to play in James's life. You want me to be just a casual hook-up, while I actually want to be part of a serious relationship. There hardly seems any room for an agreement here.'

'If you say so,' said Sirius dismissively. 'Just don't forget that he is my mate first and your boyfriend second.'

'Padfoot, stop being a c*nt,' said James sharply. 'I am not some toy you two have to fight over.'

Lily looked rather shocked by his language, but didn't comment on it. Peter and Remus, however, had both cracked a smile at the jab. Sirius looked affronted.

'But, Prongs,' he protested. 'She is the one pushing the boundaries! I am only trying to keep things as they always were. We have never shared so many of our secrets and I think it is a mistake.'

'I know,' said James. 'But you don't have to be such a git about it. Maybe you are right and all this was a mistake. Only time will tell. But, I have a feeling that you might find yourself in a very similar situation soon if things with Marlene progress as they have in the past.'

Sirius scowled at that, but he kept his mouth shut. James was sure that his lone wolf of a friend was slowly starting to like being in a proper relationship for once. Not that he would ever admit it.

'Right,' said Remus. 'If we are done ripping each other's throats out, let's get to the exiting part. Down to the forest! Sirius, after you.'

They clambered out of the dorm and made their way to the Hogwarts grounds. Lessons were over by now and students used the opportunity to spend a few moments in the evening sun before dinner. That made it easy for them to blend in. They headed straight to the forest behind Hagrid's hut and Sirius led them to a small clearing not too far in the Forbidding Forest. It was remote enough so that students almost never visited it, but also close enough to open ground to discourage the more dangerous inhabitants of the forest to show themselves.

'Alright,' said Sirius. 'Should we transform right away?'

'Proximity alarm spells first,' said Remus and cast a variety of spells. 'We must not get sloppy now.'

'Good call,' said James. 'I will go first, give me some space.'

The others backed away and James smoothly transformed into his animal form. He had done it so many times by now that it felt as natural as blinking. Nevertheless, the sudden shift in perspective could be disorienting. Not only was he taller in his animal for and had four legs instead of two, his eyes were placed differently as well. It took some time to get used to the changed field of vision. His hearing and sense of smell were sharper which further increased the difference between his two forms.

Lily gasped when she saw what he had become. She stepped over to him and gently touched his rump as if to reassure himself that he was a solid object rather than an illusion.

'Look at that Moony,' said Sirius. 'She can't take her hands of Prongs even when he is in his animal form.'

James snorted in amusem*nt which sounded rather threatening when he was a stag. Lily jerked back in alarm and James tried to give her a reassuring glance, but given the limited control over this facial features, he was not sure he managed to convey the message.

'It is fine, Lily,' said Remus. 'He always sounds like that when he is amused as a stag.'

'Unbelievable,' she said, stroking his neck gently. Her eyes fell on his antlers and her brows furrowed in thought. 'What did you just call him, Sirius?'

'Prongs,' said Peter helpfully. 'It is his nickname. We all have nicknames matching to our animal form.'

'Prongs,' repeated Lily slowly. 'Because of his antlers, of course. What are your nicknames, Peter and Sirius?'

James took the opportunity to transform back to his human form.

'Sirius is Padfoot, Peter is Wormtail,' he said. 'Come on, show her. We don't have all day.'

Peter went first, transforming into a rat and scrambling over to Lily. To her credit, she didn't flinch or scream like many girls did when they saw a rat. Instead, she rather looked interested.

'Amazing how much the size of your form differ,' she said. 'Peter is much smaller than usual and you are much bigger. Do you think there are animagi with huge animal forms? Like an elephant or a rhino?'

'Probably,' said James. 'In general, you can become any kind of animal. Maybe your animal form is a ladybug, Lily.'

'I highly doubt it is a ladybug,' she replied. 'I don't think that fits me at all. Your form is supposed to say something about your personality, isn't it?'

'In theory, yes,' said James. 'But personally, I think that may just be wishful thinking. I fail to see what I and a stag have in common. I can see a connection in Sirius's case, though.'

'Really?' said Lily, intrigued. 'Come on, Sirius, show us your animal form.'

Sirius threw her a dark look, sighed and transformed. The familiar huge, shaggy dog took his place and barked loudly. He bounded over to James who bent down and scratched his ears.

'Padfoot, of course,' said Lily. 'He is quite big for a dog, isn't he?'

'Yes,' said Remus. 'Last year, he scared a poor third year, because she thought he was a grim. You know, the haunted dog that is supposed to be an omen of death. I have never understood why so many people buy into this divination rubbish.'

'There a lot of Muggles who believe in them too,' said Lily. 'I guess it must be something human then. Some people are not comfortable with the thought that everything is just coincidence. But I still fail to see what you meant James. What do Sirius and dog have in common?'

'The both hump everything in sight,' said James grinning widely. Remus, Peter and Lily laughed while Sirius barked in protest. 'But seriously, dogs are loyal animals and Sirius is fiercely loyal to his friends. I think it fits.'

'Glad to see you endorsem*nt,' said Sirius after having transformed back. 'Well, show is over. Are you happy now, Evans?'

'Quite,' she said coolly. 'Though I would be even happier if you stopped biting my head off all the time. If you only relaxed a little, we might even become friends.'

'I highly doubt that,' muttered Sirius, but he fell silent when James threw him a dark look.

'There you have our dark secret, Lily,' said James. 'We did it to help Remus and I am very glad that we did.'

'Remus, are you glad that they did it, too?' asked Lily.

'Yes,' said Remus immediately. 'I would be even happier if they hadn't broken about a dozen laws in the process, but I cannot deny that my transformation are much less painful now than they were before. Their behaviour might have been incredibly dangerous and foolish, but they meant well.'

'Then, I am happy that they did it too,' said Lily. 'Thanks for sharing all of this with me. I can understand now why you went through all this trouble to protect it. And for the record, I still think that all of you are mental.'

'But you wouldn't have us any other way,' said James and kissed her softly on the forehead.

'Probably,' she said. 'Come on, let's head back to the castle and celebrate the end of our exams.'

Chapter 43

Chapter Text

It was done. James sighed as he watched the familiar castle disappear behind the mountains. The train continued his smooth journey back to London at an unwavering pace and suddenly he lost sight of the castle which had been his second home for seven years.

'Feels strange, doesn't it?' asked Remus who was sitting next to him and who like him had watched the castle vanish. 'Being done with school, I mean.'

'Yes,' said James. 'I keep thinking that it is just another summer holiday, but this time I will not be back in September. I am not sure how I feel about it.'

'Well, I know how I do,' said Sirius, who was lounging on the other side of the compartment with Marlene snuggled close to him. 'I’m might glad that it‘s over. I think I would have gone mad if I had had to spend another year doing nothing useful.'

'You are probably the most motivated auror trainee the program has ever seen,' said Peter. 'It’s quite weird if you ask me. Looking forward to being part of the most serious conflict Britain has seen in decades is not something sane people do.'

'Madness runs in the family, remember?' said Sirius carelessly. 'Besides, defending what you hold dear is perfectly normal. The chance of getting killed or maimed in the process is just part of the deal.'

'Keep your mouth shut about that when Lily returns,' said James. 'She has been berating me about how dangerous my career choice is since the bloody letter arrived. Mum and she are going to get along well in that regard. With the two of them on my arse like that it will be a miracle if I manage to show up to the start event on the first of August.'

'Your mom is still not impressed with your career choice then?' said Marlene with a wicked smile on her face. 'You have my sympathy.'

'Rotten liar,' said James. 'At least I have made up my mind. What do your parents think about your lack of ambition?'

'My father is rather relaxed about it actually,' replied Marlene. 'He thinks that I don't need a career given how I can just marry a rich wizard and call it a day.'

'Yeah, that's going to work out,' snorted James. 'I guess he has no idea how little you like any kind of serious commitment.'

'Does your father expect Sirius to marry you?' asked Peter.

'I hope not,' said Marlene. 'And I doubt that Sirius is the kind of bloke my father wants me to marry in the first place.'

'Hey!' protested Sirius. 'I am quite the catch thank you very much! I'm from one of the oldest and richest pure-blood families after all. I surely don't have to point out my devilishly good looks and razor-sharp intelligence.'

'You forgot to wax about how humble you are,' said Remus dryly. 'And you were disinherited by your family, were you not?'

'Details, details,' said Sirius vaguely.

'Details that matter quite a bit,' said Marlene. 'But I think your disinheritance works in your favour with my father. He isn't a fan of the Black family, you see.'

'Sounds we have that in common,' said Sirius. 'But I'm not worried about your old man. I can turn on the charm and wrap him around my finger whenever I want to.'

'Naturally,' said Marlene. 'But you don't have to worry about that anytime soon. We aren't planning to get married after all.'

'Yeah, we aren't crazy,' said Sirius staring at James. James just rolled his eyes at the less than subtle barb.

'So out of the five of us, only Sirius and James have jobs already, right?' asked Marlene.

'Actually, I have managed to snag an internship in the Ministry,' said Peter. 'In the Department for Magical Coordination. Apparently, they need some help filing memos.'

'Really?' asked James. 'That's great Peter. When did you set it up? I didn't even know that you had sent an application.'

'It sort of fell into my lap,' said Peter. 'I heard about it through the grapevine and thought I would give it a shot. It is only for three months, though, but it will pay decently and give me some time to figure out what I want to do.'

James was rather surprised at that. He had not been aware that Peter had any connections inside the Ministry. His friend had more tricks up his sleeve than he had expected.

'What about you, Remus?' asked Marlene.

'Well, I don't think the Ministry is for me.' said Remus dryly. James, Sirius and Peter shared a look, but didn't say anything. Werewolves were of course banned from any position in the Ministry.

'I’m not sure yet what I’m going to apply for. Something with books would be nice. Maybe I could try at helping out in Flourish and Blotts.'

'I think that would suit you,' said Lily, who had just entered the compartment. 'We would probably have to drag you away from work every day. Oh, and James, you do know that you're supposed to patrol the corridors, don't you?'

'Of course I do,' said James lazily. 'I just don't want to.'

'James!' said Lily indignantly. 'You are head-boy!'

'Yes, for a few more hours,' said James. 'And there is nothing anybody can do if I decide to actually enjoy my last train ride in the Hogwarts Express. They can hardly put me in detention after all. Come on, Lily. Join us and relax a little. You have ran yourself ragged all year.'

Lily looked torn for a moment, before blowing out a breath.

'Fine, but if we get into trouble for this, I'm blaming you for everything,' she said. 'Budge over.'

James made some room for her and she settled down between him and Remus.

'Where you talking about what everybody is going to do after school?' she asked.

'Yes,' said Marlene. 'But we already know what you are going to do given how much you've gushed about it during the last few days.'

'I haven't gushed about it,' protested Lily. 'I might have been pleased that St. Mungo's has accepted me for the healer training program, but that's hardly inappropriate.'

'Pleased,' said Sirius, shaking his head. 'Evans, you were not pleased! You were as ecstatic as a Niffler in a Gringrott's vault. It was impossible to get you to shut up about your bloody new job.'

'Rubbish,' said Lily. 'And I clearly remember how chummed you were about your acceptance as an auror, so you can hardly judge me in that regard. At least I didn't actually start studying for the first time in seven years only because I wanted a certain job.'

'You both can be proud of yourself,' said Remus diplomatically. 'You're about to enter very difficult and prestigious careers in the wizarding world and we are all happy that you have made it.'

'Thank you, Remus,' said Lily, smiling. 'I am sure you'll find a wonderful job as well. In contrast to Marlene, you actually want to work after all.'

'Hey, I'm not totally opposed to working,' said Marlene. 'I might be fine with a few hours each week. Or I could try and go pro as a Quidditch player. That would be neat! Do you think I have enough talent, James?'

'Maybe,' said James, mulling over the thought. 'You might make it into the second league.'

'Why only the second league?' asked Marlene. 'Only the first-league players earn decent wages. The second league are just a bunch of glorified amateurs.'

'You lack the discipline to be part of the first league,' said James. 'Getting to this level requires a lot of work, not only a healthy amount of talent. I've known you for most of my life Marlene and you're one of the most undisciplined people which I've met.'

'That's not true!' protested Marlene. 'I can be highly disciplined. I was part of almost every Quidditch training for example.'

'And you only paid attention to half of what I was saying,' countered James. 'You relied on your talent to carry you, instead. Remember when I used to write you detailed game notes before each match? You didn't even glance at them and you never did any auxiliary training sessions to learn new moves. That is enough to be a good player on a school team, but not enough to climb to the top.'

'Well, maybe, but it still not a very nice thing to say,' said Marlene, huffing in annoyance. 'Sirius, back me up here.'

'He is right, Marl,' said Sirius. 'You are a bit lazy.'

'Traitor,' she muttered while James cracked a smile.

'I'm not being mean, Marlene,' said James. 'I just want to answer your question truthfully. I don't want you to have wrong expectations. If you really want to become a first-league player, you have to put in an insane amount of training. You probably could to it if you really wanted to, but I think the price will be too high for you. Just think about it. You know how much time I have spent planning out my professional Quidditch carrier over the last ten years or so. I know how it works.'

'You wanted to become a Quidditch player for that long?' asked Lily. 'Since you were seven?'

'Yes,' said James. 'My father took me to my first match when I was five and I've been hooked ever since. Well, it didn't work out in the end, did it?'

'You could still do it, James,' said Peter. 'You've all the things you need. I think you could earn a spot in a first-league team if you tried. You don't have to be an auror after all. The people need Quidditch players as well as they need aurors. Without any distractions around, the war is going to drive us all mad.'

'No,' said James. 'That Thestral has flown. I cannot go back to the side-lines. Not after my kidnapping. I have to fight. With a bit of luck, the war will be over soon and I can resign from the auror office to become a Quidditch player.'

'Do you think that's likely?' asked Remus.

'Probably not,' admitted James. 'I think it will take a while to defeat the Death Eaters and by then I will probably either be too old to play or just too involved in the Ministry to care. Being an auror changes one with the years: Just take a look at Moody.'

'Or your father,' said Sirius. 'He is twitchy as well from his time in the field.'

'Exactly,' said James. 'But it is a nice thought nevertheless.'

'Aren't you angry about that?' asked Lily. 'It was your childhood dream after all and now you can't chase it because a group of murderers roams the country.'

'Of course I am angry and disappointed,' said James. 'But I consider myself lucky if all I lose in this war is my chance of playing Quidditch. Others have paid much higher prices already.'

'That's true,' said Lily. 'Still, it requires quite a lot of maturity to see it this way.'

'I am not fifteen anymore. The world has changed and I was changed with it.'

'I've noticed,' said Lily and gave him a quick peck on the lips. 'You're much more serious than before.'

'Sirius, no,' said Remus when Sirius opened his mouth. 'Everybody here knows what you are about to say and nobody thinks it's funny.'

'Oh come on,' said Sirius. 'It's the last train ride! Surely a little classic joke is appropriate.'

'We've exhausted the serious-Sirius-jokes back in first year,' said Peter. 'Just let them rest.'

'You all have no sense for tradition,' grumbled Sirius. 'What do you think you will miss the most? I think it will be the company. We aren't going to share a dorm anytime again.'

'Yeah, me too,' said Remus. 'I truly felt like a part of something bigger. It was a great feeling.'

James traded a look with Sirius. They both knew what Remus was trying to say in code: At Hogwarts, he had been able to live like a normal student for most of the time. Now that he was out in the real world, his lycanthropy would become a bigger problem again. He would have a lot of trouble finding a job given that most people were deadly afraid of werewolves. Of course, he could try to keep his illness a secret, but an observant employer would quickly connect the dots if Remus called in sick every month around the full moon. If Remus got lucky, he would find one of the few wizards who were open-minded enough to give him a chance, but James felt rather pessimistic about it. The war was making everyone more paranoid to begin with and there had been reports of werewolves working with Voldemort. That didn't improve Remus's chances. He ought to talk with his father about that particular problem. Maybe one of the old family friends could be convinced to give Remus a job. It would have to be done deftly, though. Remus would not accept anything feeling too much like charity. He was too proud to easily accept help.

'Yes, it was,' said James. 'I am going to miss the freedom we had. Even though they kept us quite busy during the last few years, we still had enough time to roam all around the school and cause all kind of trouble. I don't think that is ever coming back again.'

'I will miss the learning,' said Lily, causing the rest of the apartment to groan. 'I am serious! We spent every day accumulating more knowledge and becoming better witches and wizards and our future jobs are not going to keep up in that regard. Granted, auror and healer training will be intense, but after the training period is over, we are going to spend most time stuck in our daily work rather than exploring new and exciting ideas.'

'There were quite a lot of lessons at Hogwarts which were neither new nor exciting,' said Sirius. 'You cannot seriously claim that you enjoyed History of Magic, Evans. That was a total waste of time and I am glad that I will never have to deal with this kind of rubbish again.'

'Alright, History of Magic was a bad subject,' said Lily. 'But there were tons of other good ones. And it was across the board rather than only one specific area. I’m going to spend a lot of time learning healing charms and potions, but I will not going to do a lot of transfiguration anymore and I think that's quite sad. You and James will not learn any more about caring for magical creatures for example nor will you do anymore Herbology. I think that's quite sad. I am sure that there is still a lot more to learn in these subjects.'

'You really want to learn more about Herbology?' asked Marlene incredulously. 'I am very happy that I will never have to deal with that subject again. Or with Potions for that matter.'

'It‘s just an example,' said Lily. 'And Potions is a wonderful subject.'

'So what you’re saying is that you would like a more general further education?' asked Remus.

'Yes,' said Lily. 'Something like Hogwarts only on a more advanced level.'

'Nothing like that exists,' said Sirius. 'And frankly, I don't see the appeal. Specialization is necessary if you ever want to dig deeper into a subject. It’s simply not possible to know every detail about every subject in the world. You would only end up confusing yourself. The whole point of Hogwarts is to give you a base to build upon. It is purposely broad so that you can pick any job after school and have a reasonable starting point. There simply is no need for something similar on a higher level.'

'I know all that,' said Lily. 'But I still feel like it would be nice to have the option. Eighteen is too young to pick a profession for the rest of your life. What if I find out ten years from now that healing is not really for me and that I should've become an auror like James and you?'

'Then you quit your job and start auror training a bit later in life,' said James. 'Fortunately, you don't have to be fresh out of school to become an auror.'

'What if they don't let me join then?'

'Then they are idiots and you shouldn't work for them anyway,' said James. 'Relax, Lily. You are not slamming all doors shut by picking a job. And if you find that you absolutely cannot stand your job anymore, then you just quit.'

'Not everybody has enough money to only work for fun,' Peter pointed out and James could detect a trace of bitterness in his voice.

'Granted,' said James. 'What are you going to miss about Hogwarts the most, Peter?'

'Probably how peaceful it was,' said Peter. 'Sure there was a lot of crazy stuff going on and some of the Slytherins were downright nasty. Exams were a pain and everybody went a little mental during Quidditch, but we were safe from the war and all the rest of the normal world. We are not going to get that kind of shelter again.'

'Yes, and is about time that we get out there,' said Sirius. 'I've wanted to fight these Death Eater bastards for ages! I don’t want to cower behind the castle walls and wait for someone else to clean up the mess. I want to do my part!'

'Merlin's beard, you actually mean it,' said Peter. 'You're mental, Sirius. Absolutely mental. Nobody in his right mind would willingly leave the safety of Hogwarts. A lot of grown-ups would pay to enter the castle again, just so that Dumbledore could keep the safe!'

'And while I can understand that, I still think they should grow a pair and actually fight for their bloody country,' said Sirius. 'This conflict could only escalate to this level because so many people either lack the courage or the willingness to fight for blood equality. Wankers like my parents are the worst kind of Death Eater supports, but you must not steep down to their level to do harm. In my book, anybody not fighting Voldemort is supporting him one way or another. If we all decided to band together this was could be over in a month.'

'I think you are being overly harsh here, Sirius,' said Remus. 'It's the Ministry’s job to keep us safe and we shouldn't take matters in our hand. Of course many people could do more to support the aurors, but not everybody is a fighter. And the Death Eaters are brilliant at spreading terror around the country. People are terrified of them! They don't want to come home one day and find their family slaughtered with the Dark Mark burning in the sky. That only makes them human!'

'Maybe, but it also makes them cowards,' said Sirius. 'They don't have to fight, they can do something else instead. Donate money, collect information, help with the wounded, you name it. Everybody can do something! And don't forget the collaborators in the Ministry who actively hamper the prosecution of these murderers! They should haven been rooted out already, but nobody has the courage to do a clean sweep.'

'I know how you feel, Sirius,' said James. 'And I agree. It would be wonderful if we could tackle this problem together. But I think the reason why we cannot work together in this regard, is the main reason why we have the problem in the first place: People don't really believe in blood equality. Oh, the more civilised ones will tell you how much they desire equal treatment for everyone and how wonderful a bigger influence of Muggle-borns is for wizarding society, but most of the time they only say it to feel better about themselves. As soon as they are expected to actually do something about equality rather than just waxing about it, they somehow fade into the background. Just open a history book and see how difficult most law changes for the benefit of Muggle-borns have been. Neither Muggle-born nor Muggles have any powerful support in our society. Only this makes it possible for a few bigots to deal that kind of damage and it makes me sick.'

'Hear, hear,' said Sirius. 'That is exactly the kind of fire we need in our fire against Voldemort. Dedication is the key to victory.'

Peter snorted.

'Or the key to an early grave,' he said. 'I don't say you are wrong, James, but you cannot change the way people think, just because you think they are wrong. Muggles are not like us and they never will be. That is the reason why many wizards, especially the ones without any regular contact to them, don't care for them. Muggle-borns are obviously closer to Muggles than to pure-blood wizards and therefore some people lump them in with the Muggles. It may be bigoted and maybe even stupid, but it is not going to change anytime soon.'

'So what would you do, Peter?' asked Sirius heatedly. 'Keep your head down and wait for it to blow over? That is exactly why we are in this mess in the first place. We have to take a stand or the Death Eaters are going to win.'

'I am no fighter,' said Peter simply. 'It is just as Remus has said: The Ministry is supposed to keep us safe. It shouldn't be our obligation in the first place.'

'Let's not talk about this anymore, please,' said Marlene. 'At least until we reach London we are still out of the bloody war and I would like to enjoy the last few hours of peace.'

'Of course,' said Lily. She threw pointed looks at Sirius, who had been about to open his mouth. James was irritated at Peter's cowardice, but he clamped down on the feeling. Marlene was right, he shouldn't press the issue now. It was quite pointless. Nobody could force Peter to fight the Death Eaters after all. Besides, he wouldn't make it into the auror program anyway.

'What about you Marlene? What are you going to miss the most?'

'Well, I am not sure,' she said. 'Quidditch probably, I am not sure how much I am going to get to play in the future. Being on the team was quite a lark even though James was a pain in the bum to deal with.'

'Hey!' protested James. 'I was only doing what was necessary to win the cup.'

'Of course, of course,' said Marlene waving her hand in a dismissive gesture. 'And we love you for your dedication, but that doesn't change the fact that it was a pain in the bum.'

'It absolutely was,' said Sirius. 'Oh, I have thought of something else I am going to miss: The huge selection of fit birds!'

'You are a pig, Sirius,' said Lily while James, Remus and Peter laughed. Marlene seemed torn between amusem*nt and disapproval. 'And just in case you've forgotten it already: You are in a relationship, so you'd have not use for other girls anyway.'

'Yes, yes,' said Sirius. 'But they are still nice to look at. Ah, I just wish that I had shagged a few more of them! The fact that I never got to see Aria Clearwater naked will haunt me until the day I die.'

'Who was she again?' asked Peter.

'That blonde Hufflepuff bombshell with the huge,' said James, but he changed what he was about to say when he caught Lily glaring at him, '…eyes. Yeah, she's definitely fit. And from what I have heard, she's very nice as well. Why haven't you snagged her, Padfoot? Hufflepuffs are usually your forte.'

'Yes, but she took offense in the fact that I shagged her best friend and dumped her rather harshly,' said Sirius. 'Afterwards, she only glared at me at no amount of sweet-talking got me in her good book again. A bloody shame. If I had known what it was going to cost me, I would have kept it in my pants for once.'

'Your romantic sorrows surely are moving, Sirius,' said Remus dryly. 'I can only imagine your pain.'

'Shove off,' said Sirius. 'I'm opening up here and all you do is rib me about it. Romantic regrets are an absolutely key in growing up. Don't tell me you don't have them.'

'I do,' said Marlene. 'I regret how I exploded when Charlie proposed to me. I should've kept my head and just calmly told him that I wasn't ready for that step and that he probably should find someone else.'

'And maybe you and he would still be together if you hadn't gone ballistic on him,' mused Lily. 'Charlie is a nice bloke, he probably would have given you all the time you would have wanted.'

'Yeah, maybe,' admitted Marlene. 'He was always very considered.'

'Oi, and what am I?' asked Sirius. 'Marlene, you should be glad that things didn't work out between Davies and you. Otherwise, you would have never known the pleasure of having me as your boyfriend.'

Lily looked like she very much wanted to say something mean. James squeezed her hand and gave her a pointed look and she refrained from commenting. Sirius and she weren't friends, but she clearly had the greater respect for his feelings and much more restrain. James was glad that this was case as he didn't fancy getting caught in the middle when Lily and Sirius clashed.

'And I am glad it worked out this way,' said Marlene, leaning over to give Sirius a small peck on the lips. Sirius was mollified by that but still looked a little grumpy.

'I am just trying to say that relationships can be hard. Even when you don't want to have one. My own history with romance has been bumpy after all.'

'That's certainly true,' said James. 'But that's not too uncommon. Just look at me: I spent months chasing after Lily and it never worked out. Back then, I was sure that I would never get it right with her and a year and half later things suddenly fell into place. It is okay to fail as long as you get up again and learn from the experience.'

'And what have you learned that made romance blossom between the two of you?' asked Sirius.

'That sometimes not trying that hard is the key to success,' said James. 'Oh, and a few months of additional maturity don't hurt as well.'

'As does not hexing everything in sight,' said Lily dryly. 'But I have to agree, you did clean up nicely. And you have certainly learned from your mistakes. For example, you haven't written anymore poetry.'

Everyone laughed at that. Poetry had been one of James's disastrous attempts to woo Lily back in fifth year. Sadly, he had no talent for that kind of art whatsoever and had only caused both of them a lot of embarrassment.

'Yeah, well, I have to admit that it wasn't my best work,' he said. 'It was worth a shot, though.'

‘Keep telling yourself that, James,’ said Sirius. ‘Maybe you will believe it one day.’

‘I think it is uplifting that it worked out between you two,’ said Remus. ‘To be honest: I was quite sure that you two would end up killing each other when I heard that you were this year’s head-students. Maybe that’s the thing we should remember about seventh year: Sometimes things work out better than expected.’

‘I can agree to that,’ said James. ‘And if we are lucky, the war will be over soon. That certainly would be better than expected.’

The others all agree and they spent the rest of the ride back to London without a thought to the war. James knew that his immediate future would be dangerous and challenging, but today he was just happy with what he had. He would tackle whatever problem his future held when he encountered it. And with a bit of luck, these would work out better than expected as well.

The End