That might seem like a strange question, but is it really? A grief support group is to help someone who is grieving. True. But there are many different kinds of grief groups, such as for death, divorce, suicide, children/teens, death of a pet, a SHARE group, SIDS, baby, cancer, stroke; the list goes on and on.
How do you know which group you should go to? How soon should you start looking for a group? Who should go? Is there a certain age limit? Can you take someone with you for support? Does it cost to go to one? Once you find one, how do you know it is the right one for you? Where do I look for a grief group? These are just a few questions that many people struggle with when they are in need of help.
I facilitate three grief groups at the hospital, where I am a chaplain. An SOS group (a suicide group for friends and families of those who have already ended their lives), another grief group for everything except suicide, and we just started a children/teen grief group for ages 5 to 18 years of age for those who experienced a loss from death everything from a pet to parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, etc.
It is important to start looking perhaps two or three months after a death for some help if you feel you may need it, whether it is a group or individual; of course, it is up to the bereaved.
Often, the family feels the bereaved person needs help now—but that is not always true. It is very important for the bereaved to be with family and friends at the beginning to comfort them, listen to them, and help them deal with death certificates, burial, thank you cards, etc.
The problem that often occurs if they do go too early to a group or individual counseling is that the bereaved individual is in so much pain and shock that they cannot comprehend what is being said in the group or individual counseling and often leave and do not return because they feel they were not helped; when in reality, they were not truly ready in their own mind that they may need help and they were only following the advice of someone telling them they should seek help.
If the bereaved person goes to individual counseling, they should be sure there is a connection between the therapist and their self and that they feel they are being listened to and helped. If this doesn’t occur, they should find someone else. If it is grief from a death, divorce, or health-related, they need to find someone in that area, not just a therapist, if possible, someone who specializes in that field. If a couple’s baby just died, they need to be sure this is the correct group or individual to help them. Some suggestions: for the death of a baby is a SHARE or a SIDS group (depending on the type of death); a child/teen-bereaved parents group. If it is a divorce, a divorce group, not just a grief group, but rather one specializing in divorce.
Who should go to a group? Anyone who wants to be around others who have perhaps experienced a similar death and they can relate to. Remember, however, groups are not for everyone. It is always a good idea to ask the person in charge if they can bring someone with them for the first couple of times. This might give the bereaved some strength if someone is allowed to be there with them at first and someone they can talk with later.
THE BASICS
- Understanding Grief
- Find a therapist to heal from grief
Always ask if there is a cost for the group sessions. It is better to ask before you decide to go than to go unprepared. There usually isn’t a cost, but it is always good to ask.
Where do you look for groups? The best thing to do is to call the hospitals (pastoral care) nearby, the funeral homes, and churches, or ask your physician or nurses and your friends who have attended a group before. Most hospitals, funeral homes and churches usually have a list of what is available or can direct you to the correct place to get the information you are seeking.
Is there an age limit for going to a group or individual therapist? No, but usually, children and teens are not allowed in adult groups. So, it is important to seek out a grief group for children and teens so that they, too, can get the help they may need.
Remember, you are not alone in your grief. There is someone there who can listen, comfort you, and help you. Just be sure you look when you are ready and not when someone tells you they think you need help.
Grief Essential Reads
When Children Lose a Loved One
What I Learned From a Week Contemplating My Death
To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.
